This site has moved and I will no longer be publishing on everydaystranger.mu.nu.

Please update your links. I can now be found here.

-S.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 06:33 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 36 words, total size 1 kb.

Comments are completely broken.

The server move isn't complete and I can't get an answer on when it will be done.

My day is packed.

There is a lot of noise in my life right now.

Inside I'm screaming.

Outside you can't even tell.

Hang in there while I work out what the fuck is going on.

-S.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:16 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 60 words, total size 1 kb.

I had a post about the twins lined up for today, in an effort to pull myself up with my bootstraps, as well as updates on the book club read due this Friday and it being EDS month. I've been struggling this past week and I make no secret of that. I'm not proud of having problems, I don't think I'm lucky or privileged. Writing about mental illness is no easy thing, each and every post is a struggle to not oly be honest with you, but to be honest with myself. But if people come in here and make statements about my mental health that not only impact me but may impact someone who is reading and is feeling fragile, then that is not ok.

I don't normally respond to what I view is a fairly troll-y comment. But this one got to me. This time was just a little too personal.

There's been a side battle going on over something that's seriously a crying fucking shame. Yesterday K felt the need to comment on my site as someone else. Tha's a real blogging no-no, you do not pretend to be someone else, particularly someone else whose husband is battling cancer. But above all she felt the need to go after my mental health and my parenting by saying:

You really are a crazy nut ball. Amazing you were permitted to have children. And then that you didn't drown them as infants.

Amazing.

You can think I'm a crap parent if you want.

What you cannot do - what no one can do, ever - is question my children's safety with me.

Let me be perfectly, absolutely, crystal clear about this - my children are not now, never have been, and never will be in any danger from me. Ever. My single greatest priority in life is that my children have a safe, stable and secure childhood. They will not know of my mental health issues. They do not get exposed to anything apart from complete and total dedication and admiration. And yes, I am blowing my own trumpet here, but my vow is that my children will have a happy childhood that is so great they will take it for granted.

People can have mental illness. It doesn't always end with them drowning their children in bathtubs, nor is it something that gets run by the police who "allow people to have children". Some of us spend our time trying to get better so that we can ensure our children never go through the cycles that we went through.

I get it that K was acting out based on pain and upset and feelings of being witch-hunted, and I am genuinely sorry that people have "hunted" her based on her opinion about the side topic - she had an absolute right to ask the questions she did and I believe that. I have no problem with you, K, and am sorry your life has been hard (inlcuding, ironically, a suicide attempt that I would've thought made you understanding of mental illnes). I don't intend on spending any more thought on you than I already have. Yes, you hurt me with what you commented. Congratulations.

Me you can hurt.

My children you cannot.

No one can. Ever.

-S.

UPDATED - I understand this site is rejecting any and all comments, and that's not due to me closing things or due to spam filters. The good news is we think the instability is due to this site being moved over today to the new domain and server. Bear with me while we head for the newer pastures - fingers crossed the server move and re-design are complete and cooperating by tomorrow. If you want to comment, you can always email by clicking that big "Contact" button on the top toolbar, or else you can drop by the .eu site, which is running as well.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:38 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 656 words, total size 4 kb.

London yesterday.

See my face in the glass of the tube. It is angular, my face. Lines and planes. Hair pulled back and shiny dangly earrings, not my norm but which I am trying to make it so. iPod in ears, songs playing haunting music (Pacem by Kathy Haggerty). Book idling on my lap - I am greatly enjoying it, but it takes concentration. In my handbag a small, hand-jotted list detailing things that I wanted to talk to him about.

My tube gets to the suburb early. I walk through the north London streets, not really sure who I am. My hair is escaping and floating around my face. I tuck it behind my ears and feel my feet on the ground, a connection.

When the time comes I go to his house. As I enter another one leaves and we do not make eye contact. Do not see me as I do not see you and together we can pretend none of this ever happened. I go up to the room. I sit. I talk.

His room is the one room where everything is safe and everything can be said with impunity. I lay my soul bare in that room, and every haunted image and darkened corridor is laid to light. He has a large stained glass sculpture in one of his windows of a fiery sunset. I stare at it often.

I do not lie to him.

I have never lied to him.

We talk and talk and talk. I do not cry but he does. He tells me that I lead a life of great stress - full time job, twins, renovations, fucked-up family, finances, health issues, a relationship, a traumatized childhood (his words). I tell him this is not stress, this is just life. I am stubborn. I will not concede this one. He says my bathtub actions of a week ago were the result of my nervous system saying Enough. Enough, do not give me anymore because I cannot take it.

My family we park. They are crazy today, they'll be crazy tomorrow. I hoped they would come round, like my father did, but it appears they will not. It is true - the babies have lots of love in their life. I won't expose them to instability, I fight too hard to keep this platform safe.

The winds are blowing. There is something that the sand of my fucked-up memory is uncovering. I tripped over it - I was walking through the corridors looking for stationary and there it was. I can almost see the tip of it. It is big. It is wrong. It is very, very wrong. Don't touch it, says my Couch Man. We will not deal with this now. Put the shovel down and leave it alone for now. We will get to it but not now. Not yet.

I don't remember anyway, I tell him. Because I don't.

What's happening to me? I ask.

Fix me, I beg.

Make it stop.

He talks to me. I am not broken, he tells me. I am a self. All selves are inherently good he tells me. I sense a philosopy discussion here. I will arm myself with Sartre and Rilke. They are cynics in sheep's clothing. He tells me that the self is always pure, that the mechnisms one develops to be safe are what get warped, twisted, and hateful. Even in the worst offenders the self is good, it's just pursued by packs of angry psyche.

He tells me I am a good person inside.

I am unconvinced.

He tells me we shall work on self. We shall work on control. We shall work on stress. We will work on ending ther neurosis. We will prove to me that what is inside me isn't black and infected and dead.

We have to meet more than once a month. He says this not to line his pockets as he's not like that. He tells me that I'm vulnerable. This is dangerous territory. We are meeting weekly now, and I will have to make cuts in our budget to accomplish me being so very screwed-up. This week everything broke - my watch. Alastair's watch. A glass. Our car. My mind.

I trust him.

He tells me that I can do this. That I love my children so absolutely that I will walk through fire to make myself right for them.

He knows me.

I trust him and tell him things that would send you fleeing from this website.

-S.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:07 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 766 words, total size 4 kb.

A week ago I had a Very Bad Day.

Very Bad Days happen to everyone, I know. I'm the first to hold my hand up and say that my life, it's a bit of a roller coaster. When the cart is at the top of the hill and the wind is in my hair, then there is nothing that I cannot do, nothing that I cannot survive. And when the cart is headed for a trough in the coaster, my hair streaming behind me and my heart in my throat, all I can do is hang on and hope that the slope slows down and that I don't careen off the tracks.

I'm not sure what happened last Thursday on my Very Bad Day. I'm not sure really what triggered it, and I don't know how to prevent it from happening again. All I can tell you is this - Thursday evening I poured myself the hottest bath that I could stand. I was sobbing and trying to scrub my skin off because I felt there was no one I could be clean. I was sobbing and trying to jump out of myself with pure and utter desperation, an alcoholic off the wagon, a drug addict buying an illicit plastic packet. In the end the only thing that calmed me down was to sit there and violently shake my head from side to side as hard as I could. I did it for ages, sat in the hot steaming bathtub, crying.

There I was at the bottom of the roller coaster falling apart.

My therapist told me this next round of therapy would be harder. I can't really imagine anything harder than what I went through last time, to consider what difficulty means this time is rather destroying. But I roll my sleeves up. I nod. I accept that I've got work to do separating the wheat from the chaff inside of me.

My family has recently hit a point where the dust will settle and I will no longer take the map out, wondering which direction to go. My mother has moved from Dallas, packing everything up (including the Grandma) and moving to another state. She was reluctant to tell me where she was moving. No one told me my Grandma went, I had to do the investigating myself. My mother - in a very businesslike manner - informed me and my father that she would be shipping several boxes of my things to my father. I can't remember what those things might be. I've been thinking about those boxes a lot, wondering what part of my life is in there. A small part of me doesn't want to know. A larger part of me does. Perhaps it's irrelevant as my family had a massive falling out and I don't think the boxes will ever make their way to me, anyway. Maybe my mother never sent them. Maybe she threw them away.

My family moved away and now I know - I won't be going to Dallas again. I have nothing left there. My secret hopes of reconciliation are gone, that won't be happening. My Grandma's gone. Kim is dead. There is nothing in Dallas for me now but dust and dreams and the feel of copper under my fingertips. It's a finality, but a good one. That door closes and I'm good with that.

The family one is harder. I struggle with family. Six letters in a word that defines so many of us. Six letters. The same amount of letters as strong. As misery. As depend. So many people read here that are estranged from their families, and I don't know if it's because as a unit, we no longer need family in the way that generations past did. Maybe the internet calls lost souls to it like a siren call, and we all congregate together and feel better for being one of Those People, the bad ones that have split families.

My sister and her husband have blocked all contact with me, but I don't really care. Not anymore. I don't actually expect I'll ever see her again, not even at family funerals (apart from my father's, when no doubt she'll be tetchy about inheritances and such). We were close, once, but that closeness did not hold. She is not my family, not anymore, not ever again.

I had hopes for my mother and I, but too much has happened. The latest is too much. I wanted her to be a part of Nick and Nora's lives, but I don't think that will happen. I wish I was better at this. I wish I was a better person. I sent some emails a few weeks ago out of sheer exasperation and hopes that we could be united for 5 children. They backfired in a way I could never have anticipated. I give up. I'm not going to try anymore. This is the way it's going to be.

I've had my anti-depressant medication adjusted. Tonight I trek into London to be therapatized. I am so looking forward to it while dreading it at the same time. Alastair and I have been talking about it a lot, and I am really having a harder time of it this time round. I feel somehow more exposed, more raw, more vulnerable.

I will put my soul to the side because I don't need it right now, and deal with everything else.

-S.

PS-Secret Scripture Book Review next Friday. Be there or be square. You don't need to have finished the book, either. I'm going to gather up questions for it now, so please email/comment on what questions you have for the book club.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:29 AM | Comments (20) | Add Comment
Post contains 955 words, total size 5 kb.

Statia [14:22]:
dude
Shannon[14:26]:
Hola hot bed rest mama
Statia [14:27]:
i went into Mini's room
this morning
he was asleep
butt up in the air
hugging his sheep
i thought you'd like that
Shannon[14:28]:
I love that.
Photo would have been welcome
And you could've used it on his prom night, too.
Statia [14:30]:
yeah, unfortunately a flash would have scared the shit out of him in his dark room
Shannon[14:30]:
is it about his mental well-being or my humor, though?
I mean, honestly.
Some people.
It's clear you only have his best interests at heart.
And what about me?
Statia [14:31]:
oh, i see how it is.
sadist
i think we know the real truth
it's about me.
Shannon[14:35]:
There's a woman [who works with Alastair]. She's married to a dwarf. I can't get past my obscene fascination.
Statia [14:35]:
you want porn pictures, don't you?
admit it.
because you're lying if you say that's not the first thing that came to mind
Shannon[14:35]:
I'd pay good money to see a little midget bowling.
Shannon[14:46]:
If you name your kids Moses and Obadiah I think I'd have to sucker punch you.
Only because I care.
Nothing says "I'm spending my afternoon finding Jesus" than the names Moses and Obadiah.
Statia [14:47]:
uh
yeah
it would be forbidden
religious names are forbidden in this house
Shannon[14:47]:
We work on exactly the same principles.
Now, if you name your kids "Satan" and "Jesus" and didn't pronounce it Hay-SOOOS then we'd also have to talk.
Wow, PMS has me so morally superior today. Sorry about that.
Statia [14:48]:
i prefer my yuppie precocious names
that say
"i'm original"
just like everyone else
Shannon[14:48]:
Like "Pahtryck"?
Jaydehn?
Statia [14:48]:
brydyn
fuck vowels
FUCK THEM IN THE ASS
Shannon[14:49]:
I love a name that would fuck you during Wheel of Fortune.
Statia [14:49]:
HAHAHAHAHAH
my parrot thought that was funny
Shannon[14:49]:
I felt that one was sphincter-tightening funny.
Statia [14:51]:
i think i get fisted today
rad
Shannon[14:51]:
Oh excellent. Will you lay back and think of England?
Statia [14:52]:
yes, the English countryside is always what I think of when I have a fist up my vagina
Shannon[14:52]:
I knew you were an Anglophile.
What are they doing? Looking for gold?
Statia [14:53]:
no, they'll check for dilation
but I've been contracting a lot
more than with Mini
it could just be
that my uterus is in sadder shape
Shannon[14:55]:
With your luck you'll deliver the baby within 4 minutes on the kitchen floor and the Meester will have to keep the dogs away from the placenta.
(That oughta' get me off the Christmas card list, eh?)
JUST KIDDING.
That won't happen.
Statia [14:56]:
hey, if Miss M wants to eat it, more power to her
she'd better fucking lick the floor clean
and not puke afterwards
Shannon[14:56]:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I can see it now:
"It's coming back up! Throw her outside! Throw her outside NOW!"
Statia [14:57]:
and then we'll plant a tree in that spot.
Shannon[14:57]:
which you'll dance around under every other full moon.
Statia [14:57]:
unless of course it's on the DECK
Shannon[14:57]:
in which case I'm thinking pressure washer.
Man, the temptation to publish this IM conversation is fierce.
Statia [14:59]:
go for it.


God I love having friends who are no-holds barred.

-S.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:29 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 571 words, total size 3 kb.

1 No religious names?!? Michael, James, and John are all religious names...not to mention Solomon.

Posted by: Solomon at May 06, 2009 12:34 PM (x+GoF)

2 Woo hoo!! Solomon is the first to comment!!! I believe this is the first time EVER I've been the first commenter. It's the little things in life that make Solomon happy. : )

Posted by: Solomon at May 06, 2009 12:37 PM (x+GoF)

3 Love. It.

Posted by: Margi at May 06, 2009 12:49 PM (r2Tnl)

4 hehe "It's coming back up! Throw her outside! Throw her outside NOW!" Pure gold

Posted by: ~Easy at May 06, 2009 01:03 PM (IVGWz)

5 LMAF!

Posted by: Siera at May 06, 2009 03:25 PM (Ckc6D)

6 Having a husband named Adam, I was asked once or twice if we were going to name our kids with religious names, since Adam is such "a strong biblical name". I mean, what the hell? He didn't name himself, and I sure as shit didn't name him-why would I name my kids a religious name because their dad has one? Sheesh, some people. Totally gross about the whole placenta thing. Gives me the heebee jeebees.

Posted by: Teresa at May 06, 2009 05:13 PM (07Vt0)

7 I love the flow. Like ADHD on meth.

Posted by: statia at May 06, 2009 06:07 PM (s5ipx)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

To My Babies -

Last night I woke myself up shouting a number of times. I dreamt bad things were happening to you. My final dream this morning was the greatest of nightmares - I dreamt that you passed away and I was sorting through boxes of your clothes, unable to give anything away. I was shouting again and when I woke up I thought my nightmare was real for a few moments, and for those moments I lost more of myself than I ever thought possible. For those moments I didn't see any point in even getting out of bed. For those moments I didn't see any point to anything.

I had a rough week last week but the most important part of it all to me was that you never saw it. On Thursday night I had a very bad night indeed, but as I took a bath and tried to soak it all away I was so, so conscious that you were on the other side of that bathroom wall, sleeping snug in your cots, and there was no question in my mind that I would simply get on with things because you are there and you need me. You are one of the greatest motivators for me to be human, my Lemonheads.

The truth is, there is nothing I wouldn't do for you.

Read you the same book 100 times.

Play horsey with you until my legs are burning.

Do round and round the garden until your hands are so tickling that you can't stand it.

But above all, I want to be the safest, warmest, most whole environment you can imagine. I want you to have a lovely childhood that you can someday take for granted. I want you to feel secure at every minute of every day.

I will make mistakes. I know I will. But when I make a mistake I will sit down on the floor with you and I will tell you that I love you and that I am sorry. I will admit my wrongs and we can work on making things right. I know I will screw up. It will hurt us both when I do. I'm already sorry for that. I'm pre-asking for your forgiveness.

You give me more than I can ever tell you. My beautiful girl, the way you see the world makes me see it all over again. Your facial expressions slay me, and this morning when you said "Papa" for the first time on Skype to your Papa, I'm not sure who was more proud, him or me. My beautiful boy, the way that you stay awake in bed for me to come do our ritual is so special to me. Your sister will fall asleep and you wait for me. When I come into your room I break our rules and pick you up and hold you up to the twinkling fairy lights. I kiss your neck and tell your spellbound face to say goodnight to the lights. When I put you back to bed you usually go to sleep right away.

I wonder if you know how much I want for you. I want everything for you, but above all things I want you to be happy and secure. I will be here for you forever, nothing will ever make me leave.

My baby boy, it's like I whisper to you every time you cry when I leave the room. When I come back into the room and pick you up and wipe your tears away I lean into your ear and whisper "It's ok, baby. Mummies don't leave, sweetheart."

Mummies don't leave.

Not this one.

Not ever.

Love,
Mummy.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:22 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
Post contains 626 words, total size 3 kb.

Never fear. Very soon I'll tell you about the night I very nearly went round the twist. It's otherwise known as "last night". It's going down in legend.

Anyway - the everydaystranger.net site should be up and running in the next 5 days. In the meantime, I'll be posting here and on the temp URL I had yesterday, so you can go to either site until the .net site is working.

In the meantime, I have a favor.

No wait - I have two.

If you see any ads on my site, if you could click them that would be good. I'm not trying to sell anything, or have spam downloaded on your pc, or trying to suck your brains out of your head with a straw (because I'm a veggie). It does mean ad revenue for me, which these days doesn't even get me nappies throughout the month, but if I'm lucky it can get me a diner cup of coffee. So many thanks if you can clickify.

Secondly, I'm again up for an award. I know I won't win, and that's ok, but I am generally running around living only to serve, so if you wanted to vote for me that would be ok. My ego would appreciate it. I'm not going to be the Hottest Mama, but I'll be brutally honest here - I want to get more votes than another blogger nominated in the category, one who makes me want to stab my eyes out with hot pokers.

I don't want to win, I just want to embrace my pettiness for a moment.

Oh, and third (hey, I'm a liar and a would-be Hot Mommy Blogger) - Sarah got my attention on this link. Read. Wet yourself laughing. You won't regret it.

-S.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:25 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
Post contains 311 words, total size 2 kb.

Ok - from (hopefully) tomorrow you should be able to access my site using this address. If you click on it right now it'll just take you back to this site, so sit tight. All of my ads, etc, are linked to that address and as the coffers are seriously empty, ad revenue will be welcomed on the .net address.

But if you want to see the new site, you can also check it here.

-S.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 12:52 PM | Comments (1) | Add Comment
Post contains 80 words, total size 1 kb.

Much happening at our Casa, so this one is shorter than short. To summarize:

1) The Book People - my other lover. I cannot live without them. The babies cannot live without them. I have a sneaking suspicion that the books, they fall off the backs of trucks. I'm ok with that. My morals, when it comes to literature, are decidedly flexible.

2) Speaking of books, who's in for reviewing The Secret Scripture? Suggestions welcome on a good way of handling this, and as ever I'm on GoodReads and, as I'm a bit of a book whore, delighted to link to anyone who's remotely interested in books, book recommendations, or what drivel I'm reading. I actually enjoyed reading something I normally wouldn't have, and think if we have people who are reading this too, apart from myself and the lovely MsPrufrock, then we can make a go of this. If you've read the book and want to participate, then send me an email or leave a message in the comments.

3) What was that? Can't comment? Oh, don't worry then. As of today/tomorrow, my new digs open (the transfer is going on sometime today, so you may stumble upon the new sight quite suddenly!). Alastair has outdone himself. It loads like lightening, you'll be able to comment, all comments will remain open as I have tighter spam control, and I am absolutely in love with it. Final preps going on as I type this.

Say goodbye to this site as you've known it. It's been wonderful and I'm still (after all these years) slightly in love with the header with the big red heart. I've done a lot of growing here. But the time has come to go. Come with me?

-S.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:07 AM | Comments (22) | Add Comment
Post contains 294 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Will be along for the ride to new site. Suggest you try the Masie Dobbs series by Jacquline Winspear. Series is set in post WW I England.

Posted by: Charles at April 29, 2009 08:23 AM (maQJG)

2 Never had any problems with commenting here- but I look forward to your new site. Did I just say I had no problems with commenting?? Well. Obviously that isn't true.

Posted by: Lily at April 29, 2009 09:44 AM (Y8m4l)

3 you betcha! Can't wait to see the new digs. soon I hope!! just had to try and leave this again. Spam pfffft

Posted by: Justme at April 29, 2009 10:19 AM (CKguK)

4 I hate to tell you this, but Book People is cheating on you with another woman. Cough.

Posted by: Hairy Farmer Family at April 29, 2009 10:49 AM (YRvx7)

5 I hate to tell you this, but Book People is cheating on you with another woman. Cough. And bastard Fluffy just got me one last time.

Posted by: Hairy Farmer Family at April 29, 2009 10:50 AM (YRvx7)

6 My apologies to Fluffy. It let me through after all!

Posted by: Hairy Farmer Family at April 29, 2009 10:51 AM (YRvx7)

7 Will def be coming along. Can't wait to see the new site.

Posted by: Lee at April 29, 2009 12:18 PM (yUcAa)

8 Of course I'll be coming along to the new digs. Oh, and count me in for The Secret Scripture too, I'm just over half way through, but should be able to finish sometime soon.

Posted by: Amanda at April 29, 2009 01:20 PM (Lcghc)

9 I love the visual on this site. Can hardly wait to see the new one.

Posted by: Betty-Ann Heggie at April 29, 2009 03:24 PM (KzZcK)

10 I will bite on The Secret Scripture, I need to get back into reading voracity. And will definitely follow you to your new locale.

Posted by: Jenn at April 29, 2009 03:37 PM (OUTBp)

11 Would follow you anywhere babe! Abs x

Posted by: abs at April 29, 2009 05:45 PM (67++o)

12 Can't wait to see the new digs!

Posted by: Tracey at April 29, 2009 06:50 PM (njUNq)

13 cannot wait to see the site... very exciting stuff

Posted by: patsy at April 29, 2009 06:52 PM (vXEc8)

14 I will follow you!! (Singing that in my head, just like in Sister Act!!!) I have been absent this last week as my 'frog' arrived by emergency c-section last friday... Thomas, weighting 7lb 11.5oz... and I am only just catching up with you all. I feel like I've been missing my friends. Your deck looks fabulous by the way. Looking forward to seeing the new layouot. S

Posted by: Suzie at April 29, 2009 08:28 PM (4Dsko)

15 I must follow. I've become addicted!! Oh, and I'm starting The Sisters Antipodes. . . I'll let you know how it goes--the premise is mighty interesting to me.

Posted by: Deb at April 29, 2009 08:56 PM (v2b6T)

16 You know I will follow...been reading for over four years...I feel like you are kin to me.

Posted by: ysunflowergirl at April 29, 2009 09:19 PM (xx4Bk)

17 Oh, I will go whereever! I have enjoyed your writing for several years and was inspired to donate to one of your most worthy causes. Such fun to have you come out of the shadows a bit with your real name. Anyway, keep on writin', and today's post put these lyrics in my head, where I am sure they will stay for at least a while. Stay with me, My love I hope you'll always be Right here by my side if ever I need you Oh my love In your arms, I feel so safe and so secure Everyday is such a perfect day to spend Alone with you I will follow you, will you follow me? All the days and nights that we know will be I will stay with you will you stay with me? Just one single tear in each passing year With the dark, Oh I see so very clearly now All my fears are drifting by me, so slowly now Fading away I can say The night is long, but you are here Close at hand, oh I'm better for the smile you give And while I live I will follow you will you follow me? All the days and nights that we know will be I will stay with you, will you stay with me? Just one single tear in each passing year there will be

Posted by: MJ at April 30, 2009 04:20 AM (EPTJO)

18 Yes, I shall follow you. I've had issues with comments here b4.

Posted by: Siera at April 30, 2009 05:30 AM (Ckc6D)

19 I'm following, I read this with my morning coffee. Can wait to see the new site.

Posted by: Trace at April 30, 2009 05:32 AM (13wR1)

20 I have been reading your blog for about a year now and apart from your humorous and candid writing style, your blog reminds me of good ol' Blighty. Looking forward to the next phase.

Posted by: Elaine at April 30, 2009 11:44 AM (SfO/f)

21 Are you kidding? I'd be devastated if I couldn't follow you!!

Posted by: kenju at April 30, 2009 12:34 PM (hMUhQ)

22 Are you kidding? I'd be devastated if I couldn't follow you!! You new place comes not a moment too soon either. I've tried 3 times to post this - I hope it will take on the 4th try!! Nope - #5

Posted by: kenju at April 30, 2009 12:36 PM (hMUhQ)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Technorati Profile

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 12:09 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 12 words, total size 1 kb.

Technorati Profile

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 12:07 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
Post contains 12 words, total size 1 kb.

I'll take just a moment to recap, because nothing sucks more than hearing about a party that you didn't attend, but the weekend was huge fun. We all had entirely too much wine (14 bottles, not including the daquiris, beer, and Muscat with dessert) and got very little sleep (I am old. Going to bed at 3:30 takes it out of you.) Hangovers aside, everyone turned up Sunday morning in their p.j.s and we all sat on the deck in the sun, recovering and chilling.

I have photos.

Let's start the bidding at £1.

Alastair made a stunning amount of food - crudites, broad bean dip, bleu cheese dip (I made that one), his homemade pita breads, a stunning Beef Wellington, and his homemade bagels and a full-cooked breakfast on Sunday. The boy outdid himself.

As for the company - May and her husband H are charming and May has without question the best stories of family that I have ever heard in my life. I think we need to beg her to write a book based on them, it'll make Augusten Burroughs look like the Cleaver family.

BeeCee and her husband Mr. BTC? Fantastic. She's like the sister you never had and he's so funny, absolutely devoted to her, and the next time I see him I am stealing his glasses because I love the frames so much.

HFF is the woman you can tell everything to. She's the one you want to ring in a crisis or for help choosing wedding dresses. She got a night of sleep to herself (hooray!) and brought the biggest egg I've ever seen in my life. I'm wondering about the size of the chicken (Alastair says it's a goose egg. I'm sticking to my chicken-on-steroids story.)

Sometimes you meet some people that you get on with ok.

The bloggers and their husbands I met this weekend were not among them.

Instead, they were people I genuinely liked and would love to have them back.

(Although next time the men had better clean up after themselves. I mean, sure, we said it was ok for them to try on all of our ballgowns and such, but the least they could have done was hang the dresses back up after wearing them. Sheesh.)

******************************************

I have been wanting a chaise longue for ages. Ages. They're fairly expensive and I'm the only one in the family who's keen on them. I want one for the corner of our bedroom, where I have dreamy ideas of sitting on the longue and reading a book under a thick blanket on a winter's night. I've ben watching them on ebay for absolutely ages and last night I put in a lotsnipe bid on one nearby and went to bed. New ones go for a starting price of £400. This one was "gently used" and, after being beaten on other ones by bidders who went to £150 and up, I figured I would have to continue watching chaise longues.

This morning I found out the results.

Because this was a newbie ebayer, I won the chaise longue for the whopping price of £20.

Score.

******************************************

I've taken on board the comments that mu.nu is a vicious angry kid who won't let commenters play in the sandpit. Alastair and I are moving the site to a new server (and by "Alastair and I" I mean "Alastair" because I don't know my ass from my elbow in HTML land) and it's getting a new place to stay and a new look. We hope to have it up and running in a week, at which point your commenting should be problem free.

Hope that gives you incentive to leave a few!

-S.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 10:44 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 622 words, total size 4 kb.

Where: Casa de Shannon
What: A Key Party, so bring your masks and your vodka!
When: This Saturday!

Wait - hang on. Must consult diary again. Right, this Saturday is the 25th, and...

Oh crap.

Key Party is next weekend. My bad.

Right, now that I've chased my guests off (kidding about the key party! No really!), here at Casa de Shannon, we're doing something we've never done before - we're having a dinner party (one not related to Christmas or Thanksgiving). Our guests are staying over, so that they can imbibe freely and then not because a statistic on the motorways. Our guests are getting huge quantities of food and alcohol and snacks and even a full breakfast complete with Alastair's homemade bagels.

And our guests are bloggers.

I know. When I throw off the mantle I really throw it off.

It's true I'm a private person. I recently revealed my identity, which was hard and still has me feeling indescribably vulnerable. And now I'm having bloggers over. To my house.

I'm not sure what I'm more shocked about - the fact that I invited people round or the fact that they said yes. Why would anyone want to say yes? Is it the free booze? It's the free booze, isn't it. And yes we will be serving self-esteem as a side dish tomorrow night.

The good news is, they can prove I am real. They'll be able to state categorically that yes, Shannon really is Shannon. The pictures she posts of the house really are her home, albeit it's way messier in real life than she posts. And not just that - they'll be around Nick and Nora, too.

I was surprised myself at this. Since outing ourselves, I still get shocks at seeing our names in print. But in some ways it's liberating - I no longer care that my wishlist says "Shannon" on it. We've discussed it and if/when we ever actually getting around to getting married, we'll broadcast it on webcam in case anyone has a few minutes on their hands and wants to watch, too. It can have its good sides, even if it is still a bit nerve-wracking.

I met a number of lovely ladies a few months ago - HFF, May, MrsPruFrock, and Thalia. They were lovely ladies and I felt really comfortable around them. Alastair and I discussed it and, seeing as he understands that I am a total loser who has very few IRL friends, we came up with the idea of inviting a few round for dinner. And since we're semi-rural, that maybe they should stay over.

Seeing as Thalia's heavily pregnant and likely not interested in a trek to the middle of nowhere, and MrsPrufrock's Dude just had major hip surgery, I figured they wouldn't want to attend (so don't be angry, as I would love to have all of us out here again. You can pet some cows. Cows are cute.) So HFF, May, and the lovely BeeCee are coming out tomorrow, with BeeCee's and May's husbands.

Alastair had some initial trepidation.

Him: Who are you inviting?
Me: Well, Hairy Farmer Family, Nuts in May, and Definition of Insanity. The other two ladies are likely unable to attend due to health reasons.
Him: What are their names again?
Me: Hairy Farmer Family, Nuts in May, and Defintion of Insanity.
Him: (Long pause) Those are their names? What, did their mothers hate them?

We're looking forward to having people over.

They will be shocked at just how boring we really are.

They will equally (hopefully) be shocked at the spread we're preparing, because we love having people over for dinner.

And we promise - no key parties. The 70's should be allowed to rest in peace.

-S.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 10:22 AM | Comments (24) | Add Comment
Post contains 639 words, total size 4 kb.

1 I'm officially jealous, thanks! :-) Have a great time!!

Posted by: Vicki at April 24, 2009 11:04 AM (HsOD+)

2 When I first told John that The Internets were coming to lunch, he looked vaguely alarmed and confidently predicted my kidnap by (and this was actually May's wonderful phraseology in an email to me, but neatly encapsulated all his worries, nevertheless) a 'six-foot shaved-and-tattooed performance artist with a SCROTUM'. Hubby was taken aback to discover that May and H were Real People, Very Nice People and Who They Said They Were, and was actually - shock horror - interested enough to start reading some of these bloggy-things that the wife seems to spend such a lot of time looking at... and he must have liked them, else I'd never have managed to drag him down to Thalia's. And NOW, of course, we have a situation where he is so Nuts-in-May-ed and Everyday Strangered-up that he kindly (ha!) offered to go and dine with you all instead of me, if I was VERY worried about leaving Harry and wanted to stay home... Yes. The thought of taking the child anywhere to scream at us both all night is not attractive to either of us, but a night Away From It All, in excellent company, eating fabulous-sounding food? We are both stuck in the metaphorical doorway like Laurel & Hardy! But I saw you first, so I'M coming, not him. Ha! But if Nora doesn't cuddle me properly this time, then I shall leave quietly, bravely hiding my tears!

Posted by: Hairy Farmer Family at April 24, 2009 11:27 AM (AcllE)

3 S- BeeCee told me about the lovely party you have planned this weekend--hope you all have a GREAT time. Can you do me a favor? Give Bee Cee a BIG squeeze for me--tell her its a hug from her sister across the pond=) Thank you!!

Posted by: JJ at April 24, 2009 12:41 PM (6TTqZ)

4 Now you have me wishing I lived near London! I hope you all have a wonderful time.

Posted by: Anita at April 24, 2009 02:12 PM (LwTDP)

5 Now I want to move to London! Have a wonderful time.

Posted by: Anita at April 24, 2009 02:13 PM (LwTDP)

6 Sounds like you guys are going to have a blast! And I expect Alastair is really funny in real life. Now I just suspect I'm too young to know what a key party is...

Posted by: Hannah at April 24, 2009 03:03 PM (lUH62)

7 Oh. That's what a key party is. Umm. Probably a good thing you're not having one.

Posted by: Hannah at April 24, 2009 03:04 PM (lUH62)

8 Also jealous at this end! Why are you all so far south? That's why I'm always trying to persuade Ms Pru to move to the North rather than Canada.

Posted by: katie at April 24, 2009 03:24 PM (d1q1M)

9 So envious! I'm sure it will be a blast! And you deserve it. Enjoy!

Posted by: BeachGirl at April 24, 2009 03:55 PM (U+oUO)

10 Sounds like a great time. I'm a bit envious too. I love the idea of being invited to your eventual wedding on webcam - how thoughtful! Have a great party.

Posted by: Lisa at April 24, 2009 05:01 PM (YEsan)

11 Ok, I can't hide anymore. I got your book, then burst into tears. I had a dream about you last night (and some other bizarre things, but yes, you were there), so I know this is a long time coming. I have not been avoiding, but I have. Lots to tell you, but as luck would have it my hubby is in Amsterdam and he has the lap top and this stupid computer doesn't have the email set up and damned if I can figure it out (just breathe deeply....). He will be back Tuesday night so Wednesday I will email you. I know the suspense is killing you. I have been following when I can, and the tots are so adorable!!!!!! I just want to kiss those cheeks-which are my one baby weakness. I have two new nephews, but they came at 23 weeks and are still in the NICU. Doing well, but a long road ahead. I will update you on all that jazz, but I am here, I am happy, and I will stay around for awhile. I wish like hell I could be there partying with you. I wish it more then anything. And don't even get me started about lack of IRL friends. So..........I'm back!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Teresa at April 24, 2009 05:15 PM (07Vt0)

12 Can I be your bridesmaid? Please? I won't be in your way, I'll bring my tent and camp out on your new deck. (Have fun this weekend!)

Posted by: Vita at April 24, 2009 07:00 PM (fZwgf)

13 Having friends (Stinkerbell and Emmie) that have both met you in real life, I know without a doubt that you are a fabulous and wonderful IRL person. Named Shannon. But always Helen in my mind. Or, as Emmie & I would say "Shannon ... you know, Helen." If that wedding ever happens, can I come take photos?

Posted by: Christine at April 24, 2009 07:44 PM (GyRNk)

14 Wait, NOT a Key Party? Ah. One moment - H, sweetheart, not a key party, sorry. No. Please put the spare house-keys back in the cupboard. And take the ribbon off them. You can relax now - where was I? I am very very honoured to be your guest. Tell Alastair I'll answer to Nuts if he answers to Angus.

Posted by: May at April 24, 2009 10:05 PM (3jesX)

15 Harumph.

Posted by: MsPrufrock at April 24, 2009 11:29 PM (CA+L6)

16 Now I'm really sorry I don't live near you!! I'd SO come to dinner and stay over!!

Posted by: kenju at April 24, 2009 11:53 PM (hMUhQ)

17 Have a fab time, i am looking forward to the webcam wedding, how brave! abs x

Posted by: abs at April 25, 2009 08:01 AM (DG7J/)

18 p.s the photo of you in the bluebells is gorgeous. abs x

Posted by: abs at April 25, 2009 08:17 AM (DG7J/)

19 I've met a few blog friends in my day and all turned out to be real, and not 45-year-old men looking for a date. Luckily. Hope your party goes spectacularly and that none of your blog friends snore.

Posted by: D at April 25, 2009 01:07 PM (3sQts)

20 I have really enjoyed the bloggers I have met IRL. And I've had people I only new online come stay the night at our house. No mass murderers yet! I'm proud of the progress you've made with going public and socializing with other imaginary people. Go you! And... someday I'll stalk you, as I have other bloggers. For now, however, I can't swim far enough to meet you!

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at April 25, 2009 06:56 PM (nFixF)

21 Sounds glorious - and the deck just in time. Will be raising a glass to you all.

Posted by: Elizabeth at April 25, 2009 11:25 PM (Y/P20)

22 Awww, I'm jealous! I think I'm the only blogger on my island. Hmmm, that's probably why I blog... Very cool that you can actually hang with blog friends- bet you'll have a blast

Posted by: Jungle Mom at April 27, 2009 05:39 AM (wyPEC)

23 Bummer; for me. I wish you were on this side of the pond. But I'm sure it was a blast.

Posted by: physics geek at April 27, 2009 08:08 PM (MT22W)

24 Oh, man. I'm so jealous. If I move across the pond can I come for drinks one day? I clean other peoples' kitchens.... (but not my own)! Looks like a lovely time - glad y'all had fun!

Posted by: Jodie at April 27, 2009 09:09 PM (4twyr)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Take a great big fuck off hole.

And a boring as hell former paved area.

Enlist child labor.

No, not that child.

Make it all level.

Get in small rainforest worth of wood.

Ready, steady, go!

Decide to build a pergola into the deck (ergo the two upright poles. Man there are a lot of puns in that last statement.)

Enlist child labor again.

Keep going.

And going.

Until it starts to resemble something.

Stop to paint the wall with some helpers

as the cement on the foundations of the smaller deck dry.

We're* not finished yet, but it's already being enjoyed by the Lemonheads and we think it looks a lot nicer than the mismatched, aged paving stones that used to be out there.

-S.

* When I say "we" I mean "Alastair". Courtesy of wrist injuries I have not done a single thing in building the deck, it's all him and Jeff. He designed it, shaped it, and built every single square inch of it himself.

PS-sorry, meant to say that in Alastair's birthday post, the wavy metal thing is indeed a trivet - it's a cake cooling rack. My man, he's a rocking good baker.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:00 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
Post contains 208 words, total size 3 kb.

1 WOW! What an excellent job, and not only simple planks in a row, but a real design!

Posted by: Paula at April 23, 2009 07:47 AM (x4HFD)

2 So. If someone, naming no names, hypothetically you understand, were to get absolutely blind pukey drunk and stagger outside for a TC (tactical chunder), and quite not make it as far as the lawn... how bad would it be, on a scale of one to ten?

Posted by: Hairy Farmer Family at April 23, 2009 10:01 AM (4VyEU)

3 It looks great.

Posted by: Veronica at April 23, 2009 10:35 AM (l5geK)

4 When will you be in Pine Mills, Texas, to do mine??

Posted by: Mitzi at April 23, 2009 10:38 AM (LjGRA)

5 Hairy - No need to worry; we have tactically positioned Water Closets to assist with such emergencies.

Posted by: Alastair at April 23, 2009 10:52 AM (nojz+)

6 Your deck and your house look beautiful!

Posted by: Meg at April 23, 2009 11:27 AM (1OdWO)

7 Cool as babes! roll on summer. Bloody impressed with A and J .. what a team!

Posted by: moira at April 23, 2009 11:32 AM (UGBIN)

8 The deck is just beautiful! They did an awesome job!!

Posted by: Kristen at April 23, 2009 11:53 AM (XRq3E)

9 Oh god, you're gonna take naked-on-the-deck photos this summer, aren't you?

Posted by: BeachGirl at April 23, 2009 12:36 PM (U+oUO)

10 Great job!

Posted by: Suze at April 23, 2009 12:45 PM (0doyF)

11 @ BeachGirl - you know me soooooooo well

Posted by: Helen at April 23, 2009 01:06 PM (nojz+)

12 Awesome job!

Posted by: Lee at April 23, 2009 01:42 PM (yUcAa)

13 even after you outlining the steps i have absolutely no idea how one creates something so beautifully crafted. gorgeous!

Posted by: nikoline at April 23, 2009 03:10 PM (ZbAHH)

14 Very nice!!

Posted by: sue at April 23, 2009 03:26 PM (0K+AI)

15 It looks great! Glad the kid could help.

Posted by: kenju at April 23, 2009 11:37 PM (hMUhQ)

16 Hell of a job, Alastair! Very impressive!!

Posted by: Stories Aside at April 24, 2009 03:16 AM (KBcpL)

17 That looks awesome! Kudos to him for all the hard work!

Posted by: Mina at April 28, 2009 01:11 AM (Kh99Y)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

I had a photo taken of me recently, one in which I'm sat on the couch in the conservatory of Alastair's mum's house. One one side of me is Nora, on the other Nick. They are looking away and I am looking at the camera and the bags and wrinkles under my eyes are prominent.

I have recently begun to notice that I am getting older.

Quickly.

I am aging, and it's showing up. This is corresponding with the very real and swift acceptance that I am an adult. I'm a grown-up dealing with grown-up things in a grown-up world.

This doesn't have to do with paying bills. I've done that since I was 17. It's not about budgeting a paycheck and planning the deductions ahead of time. It's not gassing the car or painting a wall. It's not in car insurance or health records. It's not the lack of being carded when I buy alcohol, it's not that people occasionally call me "ma'am". It's not even about going to work, I've been doing that for 21 years now (how shocking to write, shocking to read).

It's not even a feeling. It's like I'm a curio cabinet, you open the doors and there on the shelf is a small urn labelled "Adult". The urn is surrounded by bits of ephemera - a piece of sea polished glass. A feather. A tiny plastic bracelet. It's replaced the urn labelled "Child", which I suspect was never really in there. I think it was empty in there in the beginning. I think there was nothing in me back then.

Those things, they're all responsibilities. There's something more to this, something with more gravitas. It's not having children, any teenager can pull that off. Yes, an element of being an adult has to do with Monday - the nursery called, Nora was ill. I went and got her, gave her some medication, and then flipped my work "Open" sign to "Closed" and took a long nap with her, curled up beside her and fussing over her to make sure her body temperature was right. There is a part of being an adult to that.

But that's not really it. I think it's more about being weary, to some extent. You operate on less sleep than you would like. It's about routines - you write a blog post at 9 am, you drink two cups of coffee before 8, you sit in rush hour traffic at 8:15. It's about being precious about things - you like the granite countertop to be wiped whenever you see a ring on it. You want the dishwasher to be emptied when the cycle is done. You like the bed to be made when the last person exits it.

I see things that make me understand that I'm an adult. A while back a blogger lost her triplets. This week another blogger's daughter passed away. Yet another blogger faced down the anniversary of his wife's death, which happened one day after their daughter's birth. The news keep bringing up Baby P, which is still an incredibly painful story after all this time. And our friend is still hoping to keep hold of his foster daughter, to be able to keep her safe and loved.

Maybe that's what it is. You see rebels shifting people from parts of their countries, their homes. You see children beaten, starved, abandoned. You see earthquakes burying people in mountains of rubble. You see your family being a dick about things because that's all they know how to be. You see the unemployment figures soaring and the house prices plummeting. You see the veins and lines in your hands getting more prominent, you feel your joints as they start to fail.

You become and adult because the news, the world, the environment made you become one. You see the downfalls that we have, the failures, the successes, the joys, and you take them all in because your feet make sure you stay there and do so. You soak up the sun and think of skin cancer, you inhale the flowers and worry about the bees, you know in the back of your mind that you are a responsible person with obligations and people who depend on you. But above all, you read and see things that make you ache and which you know are things that are absolute, that are things you cannot change. Instead of bring a kid and trying to find a way to build a time machine to go back and make things good again, you lower your shoulders in defeat and accept that these things are horrible, they're unbearable, but you cannot create that time machine you wish you could, you cannot make things better.

You spend your life hoping to become the person you think you could become.

And then you see a photo of yourself, and your wrinkles, and the toll that some things have taken on you (both positive and negative) and you realize that maybe you already are that person you hoped you could become.

It's not what you'd expected.

It never is.

-S.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:49 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
Post contains 858 words, total size 5 kb.

1 Me thinks you are being too hard on yourself, you look so beautiful in that photo. So you don't look 21 anymore, instead you look like you are in the prime of your life. Just my two cents worth ...

Posted by: Amanda at April 22, 2009 10:26 AM (Lcghc)

2 I still think you look gorgeous. And I can't see the wrinkles - but the freckles are so awesome that I'm jealous.

Posted by: Hannah at April 22, 2009 10:27 AM (V2CrS)

3 You really don't look old but, I know what you mean. I have been struggling with the age thing recently. I look in the mirror and all I see are the spots (at 33!), the black eyes and sagging boobs (and I haven't even had a child), and wrinkles. Where does the time go?!

Posted by: Secret D at April 22, 2009 11:31 AM (01nNz)

4 They can call me an adult, but I'll never be a grown up. Part of the fun over the next few years will be discovering the world again through Nick & Nora's eyes. And just holding them will ease the pain in the news.

Posted by: ~Easy at April 22, 2009 12:45 PM (IVGWz)

5 It's not what you expect, but often is something more... I see the eyes of a happy woman here, not just on the surface but deep down, where it counts. Wrinkles? ha. You look beautiful, Shannon. Fear not.

Posted by: Jules at April 22, 2009 01:34 PM (X/837)

6 Solomon (the King, not me : ) said, "For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief." (Eccl 1:1 Sounds like you and Solomon (the King, not me : ) had a few things in common. The up side to some of this is that we've also seen great, joyful, miraculous things too. Think of how many people you know right now that would be dead (or would never have been born) without miraculous medicine. That's worth focusing on. : )

Posted by: Solomon at April 22, 2009 01:38 PM (x+GoF)

7 I see a beautiful woman surrounded by loved and loving children.

Posted by: Charles at April 22, 2009 01:39 PM (HGTOK)

8 You look happy. You have gorgeous babies and a beautiful house. A loving man in your life and two wonderful step kids. Just thinking about all you have on your plate exhausts me. Yet you still can feel the pain that others feel and care enough to do something about it. Keep up the good work. You look great. Wish I was 38 again.

Posted by: shanna at April 22, 2009 02:18 PM (9Gp5q)

9 Such deep thoughts... I, too, contemplate the growing up thing and I'm quite a bit ahead of you (52). I still like to think it is just a state of mind, not really a number. As others have said, you are lovely... and have so much to be thankful for. Dwelling on the sadness can only bring more sorrow. I figure all my wrinkles have been earned.

Posted by: sue at April 22, 2009 02:51 PM (0K+AI)

10 You look better than me! I'm technically 29, but my 14month old twins have aged me a decade a least in the last year. If I look half as good as you in 5 yrs I'll be incredibly happy.

Posted by: Jungletwins at April 22, 2009 08:00 PM (wyPEC)

11 You look better than me! I'm technically 29, but my 14month old twins have aged me a decade a least in the last year. If I look half as good as you in 5 yrs I'll be incredibly happy.

Posted by: Jungle Mom at April 22, 2009 08:29 PM (wyPEC)

12 I donÂ’t see what you are talking about, you dont look old. You look beautiful.

Posted by: Raul at April 23, 2009 12:38 AM (lxc1h)

13 I see someone who may be a little scared or a little meloncholy that her own youth is moving closer to adulthood. I also see love and more beauty than she even realizes. I see strength and caring. I see a woman, a wife, a lover, a friend, a daughter, a blogger, a photographer. I see creativity and inteligence. I no longer see Helen..... I see Shannon :0)

Posted by: Terry at April 23, 2009 03:08 AM (XRq3E)

14 It's a bittersweet thing to realize you are growing older. YOu like being adult, but you mourn the loss of the sweet young thing you used to be. We all do it - some have a harder time than others. I think you look wonderful, and so do the babies!

Posted by: kenju at April 23, 2009 03:49 AM (hMUhQ)

15 What a totally lovely picture of the three of you.

Posted by: Sarah at April 23, 2009 06:35 PM (fJpeI)

16 The thinkg that brings home to me that I am older and an adult now is that I know there are things I just wont be doing now. Lovely photo by the way.

Posted by: Betty M at April 23, 2009 07:50 PM (RUrdu)

17 I see a teenage girl, with the two kids she's babysitting. Is this one of those trick pictures or something? (smiles.)

Posted by: Wacky Mommy at April 27, 2009 06:59 AM (aTwh2)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

From the three of us who love you very much.

Even the one who won't let you have your birthday cards.

Happy birthday to the best.

Love
S

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:26 AM | Comments (23) | Add Comment
Post contains 34 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Thanks hon, You are the best and I love you masses!

Posted by: Alastair at April 20, 2009 07:29 AM (piehv)

2 Happy Birthday, Alastair! Many, many happy returns. M(3)

Posted by: Margi at April 20, 2009 09:34 AM (VsEgk)

3 Happy Birthday Alastair! Hope you have a great day.

Posted by: Suzie at April 20, 2009 10:17 AM (Vsrkk)

4 Happy Birthday to one of the good guys! Vicki

Posted by: Vicki at April 20, 2009 10:28 AM (HsOD+)

5 Happy Birthday!! Maybe we should make a game out of guessing what the item you're holding is. It looks really cool, I just don't know what it is. I'm guessing it's a cool looking antenna that hooks up to your tv and receives digital tv signals. And, yes, I know I'm not even close.

Posted by: Solomon at April 20, 2009 01:39 PM (x+GoF)

6 Happy Birthday Alastair!!!

Posted by: sue at April 20, 2009 02:21 PM (0K+AI)

7 Happy birthday, Alastair! Have a lovely day!

Posted by: Sarah at April 20, 2009 02:37 PM (D37sb)

8 Happy B-Day, Many more.

Posted by: Charles at April 20, 2009 02:50 PM (HGTOK)

9 Happy Birthday, Alistair!! Love the photos! The twins are getting so big!

Posted by: kenju at April 20, 2009 03:25 PM (hMUhQ)

10 I also have no idea what the wiggly-looking metal item is, but I'm placing my money on some sort of cooling rack, possibly for cookies. Otherwise my guess is that it's a playtoy to make it look as though Nick is in baby jail. Happy birthday to you, Alastair!

Posted by: D at April 20, 2009 03:47 PM (2Q9WD)

11 Til hamingju með afmælið, Alastair! We'll raise a glass of a nice French wine to you tonight and wish you many, many more Oh - and my guess? Trivet.

Posted by: Elizabeth at April 20, 2009 04:24 PM (Y/P20)

12 Til hamingju með afmælið, Alastair! Not sure why my previous greeting went astray - but we'll raise a glass of good French wine to you and wish you many, many more... Oh, and my guess? Trivet. Love, E & B & the one who got left behind

Posted by: Elizabeth at April 20, 2009 04:27 PM (Y/P20)

13 "hippo birdies two ewes..."

Posted by: diamond dave at April 20, 2009 04:29 PM (RIYji)

14 Mazel Tov on your birthday, Alistair!

Posted by: Meg at April 20, 2009 04:32 PM (l0x1F)

15 Happy Birthday, Alastair! Enjoy your day! I love the look on Nick's face in that last pic!!

Posted by: Julie at April 20, 2009 04:44 PM (Sh8O1)

16 Happy birthday, Alastair! I love the look on Nick's face! He wasn't going to let anyone near those cards! I hope Nora's feeling better. It sucks that about the only time they want to cuddle once they're mobile is when they're sick. Mommy cuddles are the best medicine, though.

Posted by: Michele at April 21, 2009 01:10 AM (rXEzC)

17 Happy birthday, Alastair! I love the look on Nick's face! He wasn't going to let anyone near those cards! I hope Nora's feeling better. It sucks that about the only time they want to cuddle once they're mobile is when they're sick. Mommy cuddles are the best medicine, though. (every time I want to comment I keep getting stuck due to spammers... I am not made of spam even though I come from the place where they make it. I swear!)

Posted by: Michele at April 21, 2009 01:16 AM (rXEzC)

18 Happy Birthday! My first guess was some sort of mod light, which did not have the cord connected yet... And I have a stupid question. Does Alastaire rhyme with "fred astair" or "hollister?"

Posted by: stephanie at April 21, 2009 06:40 PM (paCk2)

19 Happy Birthday Alastair! Those are beyond the best glasses ever.

Posted by: Dani at April 21, 2009 08:00 PM (vQl/U)

20 Belated happy birthday wishes, Alastair. I am not sure what that thing is, but I think it would look great on the wall above the sparkly lamp. LOL I envision musical notes tripping along it. Nick's face is priceless as the guardian of the birthday cards. I hope Nora's feeling better.

Posted by: Lisa at April 21, 2009 09:28 PM (YEsan)

21 Happy Birthday Alastair. my guess is a kitchen thing(?) from Ikea.

Posted by: melanie at April 21, 2009 09:52 PM (2jBfO)

22 Whoops, day late, sorry! Happy Day After Your Birthday, Alastair!

Posted by: May at April 21, 2009 10:18 PM (3jesX)

23 happy birthday!

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at April 21, 2009 11:47 PM (nFixF)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Yesterday the day did not go according to plan.

Oh sure, the morning was fine. I loped through my work email inbox, levelling them with an almighty stomp. I got masses of documents done and had my eyes crossing by mid-day courtesy of all the Excel spreadsheets I marched through. I rocked it.

I was also on my period (I will not - I repeat will not - call my period AF for any reason ever, not even if a clot pops out of me wearing a name badge that says 'Hello! My name is AF!'), and this translates to "Give Moses a ring, wouldja'? We have a tide to part."

No big deal, right? I was prepared. I had my giant fuck-off bichon frise tampons with me, the ones that look like you can take the wrapper off of them and use them as absorbancy towels to clean up the most significant of spills. Exxon Valdez type spills are no match for these tampons. In future people should use them to help staunch the flow of flooding in their homes, because these bad boys can hold more water than my ass after a 12-hour plane ride.

Anyway. There I was, in a skirt. I was stuffed with a giant-super-mongo-plus-extra-absorbant-there-may-be-a-wildlife-preserve-in-there tampon. I was ok. I went to the toilet to have a changing of the guard, as it were, and took a pair of scissors with me as the tag in the back of my knickers was chafing. I realized it might look weird, me going into the ladies room carrying a pair of scissors that would make pinking shears look embarrassed, so I tucked them in the notebook I use to record notes in, opened my bag and grabbed a tampon from the pocket, and made my way to the toilets.

Once in the stall I changed tampons. I don't think you need me to go into too much detail, you either already have done this yourself or you're one of the men sitting here reading this, periodically taking a moment to put your head between your legs to recover from the gore factor. I then went about cutting the tag out.

Now, the best thing to do would be remove the knickers, right? Since I had a skirt on and no tights on, that would be easiest yes? Or just remain seated on the toilet and, looking down, simply snip the tag? Those moves would make sense. Those would work. That's what people who fucking thought things through would do.

But because I am a raging dumb ass I didn't do it that way. Oh no. I bent over, looked through my legs, grabbed the tag while doing a move that only The Amazing Benzi Brothers of the local contortionist circus could do, and snipped the tag. Only somehow I also managed to nick the inside of my leg with the scissors. So now I had the tag out, I'd bent myself into a pretzel, and I now had a small cut on my leg.

Sighing, I rolled up some toilet paper and tucked it inside of my knickers to deal with the tiny blood flow from the scissor cut. I cursed my dumb assed-ness. I wondered if Darwin had people like me in mind when he thought of survival of the fittest.

I went back to my desk.

My new colleague, a rather cute guy with a great sense of humor, came over to talk. He was seeking info and gossip on one of the projects we are on together. He pulled up a chair and sat by me. We talked. We walked through PowerPoint slides, him putting on a mild flirt factor (I may be taken but I'm not dead. It's cute to be flirted with. It's a sign I don't need to be put out to pasture just yet, especially since there are still cows on the paths.) We got on well which is a good thing as some of our work will be joint.

He stood up and I stood up. He smirked, shook my hand and walked away. I wondered about the smirk.

Then I saw my rolled up bit of toilet paper on the chair. It had fallen out of my knickers and was gracefully sat on the seat, looking all innocent. Innocent, apart from the few blood drops where it had rested against my scissor cut.

I was confident he didn't see that. I was sure he hadn't. I saw it but that's because I had been sitting on it. No. He didn't see it. Couldn't have. I was sure.

He did, however, see the errant packaged tampon that had escaped from my bag and lay under my desk, near to where his feet had been, looking for all the world like a giant roll of paper towels just begging to be stuffed up a hooch.

I cringe.

Often.

-S.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:32 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 821 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Oh no! Another tampon post! (averts eyes)

Posted by: diamond dave at April 16, 2009 10:30 AM (RIYji)

2 Oh, honey. That's almost as good as the time I slipped the last fresh sanitary towel I had with me out of my bag and down the waistband of my skir for the short trip to the loo. Got talking half way there. Forgot. walked off. Walked back to see huddles of worried males and my brightly packaged towel lying chirpily in the middle of the office floor. Argh.

Posted by: Hairy Farmer Family at April 16, 2009 11:55 AM (hLDb4)

3 LMAO Dave. Happens once a month. Be thankful there's not a monthly tampon post! ;o)

Posted by: Margi at April 16, 2009 02:34 PM (Mpvg1)

4 I love you. LOL You are SUCH a trip.

Posted by: Stories Aside at April 16, 2009 04:26 PM (KBcpL)

5 I did tell you about the Across London by Bus with Blood-Streaked Face and Trousers Debacle, didn't I?

Posted by: May at April 16, 2009 06:32 PM (3jesX)

6 I can one up that, I can. Had a guy who is single, cute, and very much on my list of guys who I'd date if they'd gather the balls to ask me out over for a gathering of friends. He arrive early and started scanning my massive nerdy bookcase of assorted fun. It was then I realized that my "special section" had not been covered. "Oh, this is...interesting," he commented, revealing my copy of "The Idiot's Guide to Fellatio." Aaaand...scene. You know, though, they all know we use them. At least, I hope they do. If they can't take a joke...well, pop five applicators on each hand, ran around wagging your fingers, and shout, "Look at me, I'm Edward Tampon-Hands!"

Posted by: D at April 16, 2009 07:35 PM (2Q9WD)

7 Seriously. I'm sure the man has seen a tampon before. If he hasn't, he needs to get a clue.

Posted by: statia at April 16, 2009 07:37 PM (s5ipx)

8 Some things I just DON'T miss....

Posted by: sue at April 16, 2009 08:28 PM (0K+AI)

9 I had to scroll down, I forgot you are no longer H but now S - then I couldn't remember what S stood for...geez. I need some sleep or a drink!

Posted by: steff at April 16, 2009 09:53 PM (Ke87H)

10 I'd be interested in meeting the woman who has managed to get to adulthood without having one embarrassing period-related issue. I don't think she exists.

Posted by: Lisa at April 18, 2009 06:23 PM (YEsan)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

I am working something out.

Only, I don't know what it is yet.

But it's something.

I'm aware of the tone this blog is beginning to take. It's as though, once you open the screen, you get to put your 3D glasses on and take a virtual tour of nuttiness with a side of Mommy Blog. Add a dash of light to moderate humor (I maintain my original stance that I am unfunny) and throw a bucket of Hey-How's-About-I-Tell-You-Our-Real-Names and it's like drinking the Kool-Aid. And to be honest, I'm still not over the name thing - I see my name written in comments and start to freak the fuck out - ohmigod, I've been found out! Then I remember like a twat that I'm the one that outed me.

But I'm working something out.

I just don't know what it is.

I want to say: I've lost something. Only I haven't. I'm sure I haven't. I checked the Lost and Found box, there was a mismatched pair of Pumas two sizes too small in there, an old hairbrush and a scrunchy that still misses the 90's. But nothing in there was mine. So I haven't lost anything.

Yet something is still telling me I've lost something.

I did a tally - my wallet is here. I have a packet of mints, some tampons, a packet of paracetamol, and a bag of kiddie snacks in my handbag, because handbags live only to serve. My phone is on the desk - well, one of them, anyway, I have no idea where the other one is and the battery probably went on strike anyway. My iPod is plugged into my ears.

My children (of whom recently I am feeling so fiercely protective) are at nursery, my boy is at work at his massive antique desk, and my dog is curled up in the sunshine. My passport is lounging on some civil servant's desk, my flip flops are in the hall closet, my favorite lipgloss is lingering on my dresser, forgotten there this morning. My giant stuffed aubergine (I'm 35 years old and I sleep curled around it every night) lounges on the bed, in the sunshine by Maggie the cat.

Nothing's missing.

But something's missing.

The birch trees are bursting with skinny love. I am listening to How My Heart Behaves, mixed with I'm Not Gonna' Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You. I think of Slumdog Millionaire, which I saw last night and which makes me almost believe in love like that. I keep hearing Susan Boyle in my head and it makes me well up with such hope, and I don't even watch shows like that I hate that kind of program - and that program in particular. Go. Watch. Cry.

My mood is good. I'm meeting an old friend for drinks tonight, someone who makes me laugh and is easy company. The weather is spectacular. The weekend is hurtling towards us after a very busy week. Nick took 5 steps unassissted yesterday, then took 5 more. Angus and I are touching each other again and enjoying it.

The lights are on, someone's home.

Only I keep feeling like I'm missing something.

Maybe I lost my sheep and don't know where to find them.

Maybe I've been blindsided.

Maybe I'm not missing a fucking thing, just having one of those moments in time.

-S.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 12:31 PM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
Post contains 567 words, total size 3 kb.

1 I think I get it; maybe you're missing the "stranger" part of Everyday Stranger. You should know that things don't feel different from this side of the screen though; you're still you, but with your own name instead of a pseudonym. I hope others will back me up, but mabye it's just me. Maybe a name change and a redesign would suffice? Maybe you need to write in a different direction? Oh - and I saw that Susan Boyle video yesterday on our local news. The look on Simon's face was worth it even if she hadn't been so incredibly talented and inspiring. Wow. Just... wow. I was moved nearly to tears.

Posted by: Lisa at April 15, 2009 01:30 PM (YEsan)

2 Perhaps your sense of anonymity? I think that would leave a pretty gaping void in me....

Posted by: Stories Aside at April 15, 2009 01:39 PM (8woE+)

3 Wow, not that was something! I don't watch that show here in the states but, I will be following her on youtube for sure! Maybe it's just that everything is at a calm in your life? Or just more calm than usual? That's kind of how I feel sometimes when my life it like that lol.

Posted by: Justme at April 15, 2009 02:50 PM (h/AP8)

4 I get that way sometimes as well... my hubs says we both get that way when things are going too well. It is like we are waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hope that's not the case with you and the uneasiness leaves but the good stuff stays. You're overdue.

Posted by: sue at April 15, 2009 02:50 PM (0K+AI)

5 It sounds as if things are in balance. I have to admit when things in my world are in balance I am always feeling as if I'm missing something, longing for something and yet I can never pinpoint what. I think, and this really sounds crazy, it's the chaos.

Posted by: Jade at April 15, 2009 03:06 PM (RuJ5t)

6 I often feel this sense of something missing when life is in transition. So much of my life has been driven by ambition towards this goal or that - getting a degree, perhaps, getting a dream job or promotion or something. But then sometimes life changes course, the landscape subtly (or not so subtly) shifts and all of a sudden, pieces don't quite fit like they did before and things don't feel quite "right". For a while it really freaked me out, but I'm slowly learning to just chill out, sit back, and let things fall into their new places. Enjoy the good things that life has to offer you today, in the moment, and slowly but surely that Missing Piece will become apparent.

Posted by: Sarah at April 15, 2009 03:26 PM (fJpeI)

7 If you're missing a green folding chair, I might have it. One turned up in my garage a while back and I have no idea where it came from.

Posted by: Rob at April 15, 2009 04:49 PM (Ab40K)

8 If you're missing a green folding chair, I might have it. One turned up in my garage a while back and I have no idea where it came from.

Posted by: Rob at April 15, 2009 04:52 PM (Ab40K)

9 Very cool that you outed yourself! I stay anon, but maybe someday... As to the feeling, I know what you mean. I think gravity may be pulling us a bit harder than it needs to- the whole planet seems to be feeling a bit off. But- I think its just a feeling.

Posted by: Jungletwins at April 15, 2009 06:02 PM (wyPEC)

10 I live with the constant nagging feeling that I've forgotten some massively important task, which usually is unfounded unless you count the fact that I'm a procrastinator. I feel like Neville Longbottom with a glowing Remembrall and no idea why it's lit up. I don't think your blog has drunk the Kool-Aid, at all, and I still think it's quite witty and funny (yes, funny) and real-worldly. Then again, compare any blog except perhaps the blog-lovechild of Rush Limbaugh and Michael Moore to mine and it looks calm and well-mannered.

Posted by: D at April 15, 2009 06:25 PM (2Q9WD)

11 I think you're missing the years of fear you had of being outted here. Or maybe it's the green folding chair in Robs garage.

Posted by: Anita at April 15, 2009 07:19 PM (HHmL5)

12 Maybe since everything is falling into place any going well, you are missing the chaos. I've known your real name since the children in need and it's no big deal. You are still the same person with the same wonderful man and the same adorable kids and the same entertaining blog.

Posted by: Theresa at April 15, 2009 10:41 PM (I4swt)

13 I'm jaw clenchingly. shoulder hunchingly, mind spinningly stressed - with absolutely not a reason in hell to feel like this! I met my builder this morning and we are mutually thrilled with the house almost being done and looking oh-so-damn-good. I slept in an hour over my normal time. My two co-workers are ill and on holidays so the office is quiet excpet for the sound of my typing and some distant laughter in a meeting room. I'm leavinge early today and am well ahead in the report I'm completing AND today I found a parking garage tucked away half a block from my work that charges 1/3 (!!!!) of what I've been paying at my current place. I should feel FANTASTIC... so yeah... I hear you....!

Posted by: FLikka at April 16, 2009 12:32 AM (GdxOM)

14 hugs to you. i know this feeling of missing something. and maybe it is just one of those moments...we all have in life. good luck finding what it is you're missing.

Posted by: Liz at April 16, 2009 03:43 AM (37vYf)

15 Maybe you really are "drifting out to sea" I hope you'll "find an island with a shady tree, just like the one in our backyard" ~j.

Posted by: j.m at April 16, 2009 04:32 AM (8fKwp)

16 Maybe you are missing your worry or anxiety? If that's it, I hope you keep on missing it. Btw, I think it's great you've "outed" yourself, even though it doesn't seem to have changed your writing at all; it's still fantastic.

Posted by: Sarah P. at April 16, 2009 05:13 AM (EeDct)

17 Sounds like you're happy. /posting from work (hee)

Posted by: Orodemniades at April 17, 2009 03:36 PM (KJYpk)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

I watched the DVD of Twilight over the weekend.

The weekend was and wasn't easy.

I liked the books for what they were - escapist. Emotive. Interesting.

I didn't like the movie for the same reason, and not just because I look at Pattinson's hair and suspect that it doesn't smell so good.

I hear him growl to her "You are my whole world now," and know that she falls for it, because we fall for things like that, we do.

Because that's the thing about love, isn't it? We idealize it. It takes on proportions in our head that equate it with curing the ills and righting the wrongs. We see a love like those crazy Twilight kids and we think that is the benchmark. That's what it should look like. It should consume it should burn it should ache it should be the color of your eyes and the intake of your breath and it should be every moment of every day of every...

I used to think that.

I did.

The maternal side of my family all read those bodice ripping novels, the ones where the woman is weak and the man is strong. You can play drinking games to the words "ravaged" and "smoldering" and be drunk by chapter 4. They take you away into a world where you are cared for beyond the basic needs of sustenance and survival, where every sin can be forgiven with a fuck, where gentleness is earned and women's honor fought for to the death.

I don't even know where to begin on how wrong all of that actually is.

I think of love - like I think of people - like an onion. It's layer after layer and each layer gets under the thin wedge of your fingernail as you start to strip it down. Someone seems happy. Peel back a layer. Someone isn't actually happy. Peel again. Someone tells you that you're important to them. Peel again. Someone tells you they're actually in love with you. Peel. Someone tells you that that love, it smarts like a wound in rubbing alcohol. Get to the middle of the onion and all you find is onion.

Every person and every love is imperfect. To envision a life where someone says something like "You are my whole world now" is impractical. Someone may make you their whole life, but that life includes laundry left beside the bed. They may not tell you that they are temperamental. You don't know ahead of time that they like Tang. You've no idea that they are riddled with secrets and held together with some ropey duct tape.

Love is like that, I think. It's the onion peel under your nail. It's the way you sigh and pick up the laundry by the bed and know that everyone that came before is under your skin, too. They are all there, and have helped build in you an understanding of how this shit is supposed to work.

It's not someone leaning in to a car and whispering that you are their whole world.

It's you knowing that love comes in fits and bursts and it hurts sometimes, it hurts so much that you may rip apart, but when it works it's brilliant. But it's not the stuff you think you know - your honor is yours to fight for because you've fallen in love with a coward. Or your basic needs aren't cared for because the person you chose doesn't even know what your needs are. Or you're pushed into paranoia because that man you love has driven you to running, just to escape him and the couple that you were. Love bends around the edges of all of these things, and the onion smell gets too strong to keep the tear ducts dry.

I watched the film and thought: I don't want Nora to grow up and think that love is like that. Not least because a relationship with a vampire is maybe not a great idea (no leaning across the table to sample his dinner then) but because love isn't like that. I want her to know that love is like an onion. There are layers to get through, some of which leave a bad taste in your mouth.

But find the right onion, and in the middle you find that getting through all of those layers - no matter how they impacted you or changed you or made you cry - was worth it.

-S.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:57 AM | Comments (13) | Add Comment
Post contains 773 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Great insightful post. I do like the onion metaphor.

Posted by: Charles at April 14, 2009 10:14 AM (maQJG)

2 Yes, very much like that. Great analogy.

Posted by: Lisa at April 14, 2009 01:42 PM (YEsan)

3 Best review of this movie...EVER The only part you left out (for me) was how many times you would have liked to smack Kristen Stewart upside the head for purposefully playing Bella as an aloof little twit! (which is funny because I would NOT have said the same thing about the book-Bella)

Posted by: wn at April 14, 2009 02:19 PM (MNV8U)

4 I refuse to get sucked into the Twilight vortex. Refuse. Having said that, I love this post. Besides - imagine sweaty from gym, lying on the floor doing hamstring stretches and hearing, "You're so pretty. I always thought you were so pretty." No one was "smouldering" or "turgid", but I'll take it! ;o)

Posted by: Margi at April 14, 2009 04:08 PM (TEmUg)

5 Oh, yeah... you said it exactly the way it is. Great post. Personally, I kept getting distracted in the movie by his lipstick being a bit too much.

Posted by: sue at April 14, 2009 05:25 PM (0K+AI)

6 you have an amazing ability to put into words intangible ideas and emotions. thank you for sharing that ability with the interwebs. i agree w/your review of the movie, also. patterson's edward is way too intense (and i'm not just talking about his hair).

Posted by: Meghan at April 14, 2009 08:30 PM (FGbqX)

7 Book was good. Movie was awful. Love is good and awful.

Posted by: Jen R. (aaron-n-jen.com) at April 14, 2009 09:32 PM (q5XUG)

8 You need to watch, if you've not done so already, "L'Auberge Espagnol" and the sequel, "Les Poupees Russes." Not one or the other, but both. The writer must have been pretty experienced at this love thing, because there's one line in the sequel that makes you realize, "holy shit, I can be a romantic and a realist at once!" I've yet to fall in the romantic sort of love, but I felt "love" once and about died of it. Hurt more than falling off a roof, which I've done. I think if my mom had warned me, I might have benefitted. So maybe when you have "the talk" with N&N, pull Nora aside and explain that when she meets Prince Charming, she might want to step back and take a look at the big picture and then run his criminal record on Google.

Posted by: D at April 14, 2009 10:01 PM (2Q9WD)

9 Do remember to tell her it needs to be more good than bad though. I've seen too many friends waste their lives on relationships that were disfunctional becuase "no--one's perfect". I agree, no-one is BUT if your significant other isn't even trying 50% of the time - get out!

Posted by: Flikka at April 15, 2009 02:30 AM (GdxOM)

10 it should burn it should ache it should be the color of your eyes and the intake of your breath and it should be every moment of every day of every... I used to think that. I did. How do you feel about the twins? Early infatuation still there? Or has it changed? And Alastair; remember the early infatuation? That was real too. At the time. But we all change. And grow. And love changes and grows. Doesn't mean it's a lie, doesn't mean you need to warn Nora it's unreal. Oh it's real, all right. There is just more than that.

Posted by: Amber at April 15, 2009 03:55 AM (zQE5D)

11 haven't read or seen Twilight and probably won't but this speaks to me and my life at this moment in a way that is almost eerie. like you know what's happening to me...your words comfort me and give me some solace even if i still just want to feel numb to this pain i am feeling.

Posted by: Liz at April 16, 2009 03:40 AM (37vYf)

12 haven't read or seen Twilight and probably won't but this speaks to me and my life at this moment in a way that is almost eerie. like you know what's happening to me...your words comfort me and give me some solace even if i still just want to feel numb to this feeling.

Posted by: Liz at April 16, 2009 03:45 AM (37vYf)

13 Liking the onion metaphor. I also found the love premise in Twilight repellent - I have not seen the film.

Posted by: Betty M at April 18, 2009 07:24 PM (r9Ypx)

Hide Comments | Add Comment