A few Fridays ago Angus, my mate Peter and his lovely wife, and Jeff and his wife all went to have an evening Christmas break. As is our yearly tradition, I reserved us all rooms at a Hotel Du Vin, home of The World's Greatest Showers Ever. This, despite the fact that my corporate card was screaming in protest and my own Visa card was warning me that despite the fact not all Christmas presents were bought yet, objects in mirror may be closer than they appear so seriously, consider a doll made out of lanyard as a Christmas present, ok? Hotel Du Vins are small hotels in strange locations, all usually made out of a building that once was something else (and since recycling is my thing, I support them wholeheartedly). This Hotel Du Vin happened to be a former brewery, and one that Angus and I hadn't been to.

The town is called Henley-on-Thames, and when we arrived it was a typical misty, murky English winter evening, all moody and men screaming on the moors for the woman that is way out of their league. I love this weather, and Angus' pictures make me want to curl up on the couch in front of a fire with a bottle of wine.

When we arrived, we immediately raced for the bathroom. Not because I had had too many Mountain Dews or because Angus had an issue with breaking the seal, but because Hotel Du Vins have the aforementioned World's Greatest Showers Ever. The shower head is the size of my dream pizza. It is like being under a waterfall, only without the tropical island or fears of something creepy being in the bottom of the lagoon.

The shower didn't disappoint.

Ignore my freakish looking eyebrows.

We showered, shagged, and got dressed up for dinner. I had bought a beautiful necklace from Paris, one that looked as though it was made of flowers, and had been waiting for just such an occasion to wear said necklace. We dressed up, and then made our way to dinner. Around the table I'd laid what the English call Christmas Crackers-these are enormous cardboard things that look like Tootsie Rolls. You pull on both ends and they made a loud popping noise (which is why some airlines ban them as they do have a tiny explosive in them), and a paper crown and a toy of some kind is inside. This means you have to spend the rest of dinner wearing a stupid fucking crepe paper crown and covet your neighbor's toy, until you get them drunk enough to exchange their flashlight on a key ring for your miniature egg timer, at which point-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA-the joke is on them.

I dressed up but apparently hadn't realized that my lipstick was all wrong, and I looked like a future Buffy the Vampire Slayer target.

I told you-I'm not posh.

It was a lovely dinner despite my food phobias, and the wine flowed, the conversation flowed, and I was pleased to be away with the added bonus of it being a corporate event, so the guilt was limited. We were all on good behavior, and even exchanged gifts-I was thrilled to death with my gift when I found Peter and Jeff had gotten me a label maker. Strange gift choice I know but I fucking love those things. I had my hands on one of them at one point during the project and it was no-holds barred. Everything was labelled. People's laptops, phones, desks, walls...you name it. It all got labelled.

It has continued at home, actually. Angus now regularly hides my label maker from me, to no avail. I know those games, baby, but that label maker needs me! The printer says "Yo ho, yo ho a pirate's life for me!" Our downstairs monitor says "Hi. My name is Bob." And that's just for starters.

Nothing is safe.

Nothing.

After dinner we had a bath together, along with a bottle of champagne, and Anugs moved the LCD TV to the doorway of the bathtub so we could watch Ann Robinson's Weakest Link, shouting the answers at the TV and cursing those that don't bank (see? We're not posh.) The shower was fantastic, but the bathtub? That's heaven.

We slept well, Angus waking me up in the morning, and as we had breakfast with Peter and his wife we all talked about how tired we were, how utterly worn out, not to mention how broke and underpaid. We hugged and wished each other well. We drove home in happy company, Angus and I in high spirits, and when we got home there was a red box in the mail. I opened it, and found to my amazement that I had been treated to a Red Letter Day. A Red Letter Day is a day off, paid for by the company, to do different activities. Some are smaller activities, like the one I received a year ago to take helicopter lessons. This was the Gold Red Letter Day, the highest one, and a voucher for any number of activities-extreme yachting, fighter jet flying with the RAF, a day at a spa, an overnight trip in London at a 5 star place, parachuting for me and 3 friends, or the one I am going to do-a trip on the Orient Express. I was shocked, and shaking the letter out of the box, I lean heavily against the kitchen counter as I find it is a thank-you gift from Dream Job for the success of the rocket riding gerbil.

That, and I get a Christmas bonus of £5000.

Santa Claus? I love you. Do you gift wrap bills due for payment?

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:42 AM | Comments (20) | Add Comment
Post contains 956 words, total size 6 kb.

1 OMG - "not posh" is so my style. I'm jealous of the bathtub (which reminds me of the first house my now-husband and I shared), of your jet-setting around the world as if it was nowhere, and..., and ..., and I'd love to meet you. I think we'd get along. Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your life with me, -er, us. And now, if you'll excuse me, typing is difficult after this many beers and the backspace key is my friend. I'm glad to *read* you so happy. o_0

Posted by: Lisa at December 20, 2005 07:45 AM (5vmEt)

2 My family and i are big fans of Hotel Du Vin's. Alas i am overworked and un derpaid and have onlyever eaten at various du vins, only my parents have sampled the amazing baths and showers...one day.....*sigh* As for the red letter day i hope you have so much fun! You deserve it sweetpea you really do. abs x

Posted by: abs at December 20, 2005 08:00 AM (Z5qG3)

3 Hi there..I've been here before and I love coming to visit you...I actually was in Henley-OnThames a number of years ago..and blogged about this GREAT trip to The Cotswolds which was fantastic...Your time at the hotel sounds Idylic(sp)? Everything about it sounded truly fabulous....and then to get that Red Letter deal....WOW...But I'm still trying to fathom your Bonus!!! I mean, THAT is a wonderful Wonderful bonus...in dollors...I'm in awe of you...WOWWIE!!! Congratulations on all of it...And A Very Very Merry Chrismas to you and Yours!

Posted by: OldOldLady Of The Hills at December 20, 2005 08:27 AM (BEbbU)

4 I am SO trying not to be jealous of the shower, the tub, the crackers, the Gold Red Letter Day and the BONUS! WOW, Helen, this is your lucky year! Not that you didn't work hard for all of it. Plus Blackberries, and what starts in the spring (which I predict will be successful). You GO, woman!

Posted by: kenju at December 20, 2005 02:19 PM (+AT7Y)

5 Oh Helen you deserve that bonus x10 for all you've done and been through. I hope you have fun on the Orient Express!

Posted by: dabi at December 20, 2005 02:20 PM (q1ns1)

6 you sooo deserve it!!!! Congrats and happy holidays!!!

Posted by: That Girl at December 20, 2005 02:52 PM (QzfsY)

7 It sounds like you had a great trip, and on top of that, a nice little 'bonus' when you got home. Hope you have fun on the Orient Express...definetly the one I would choose.

Posted by: LiQiuD at December 20, 2005 03:16 PM (XCqS+)

8 Holy crap! And here I am about my $500 bonus. Which is roughly 300 pounds. I can't even fathom a bonus that big! Of course, I make totally shit money and don't work nearly as hard as you, so I guess it makes sense. Glad you had such a fabulous time with your man at du Vin. And The Weakest Link? That show is still on? I like her, even if she is a bit annoying. Anyway, have a great day!

Posted by: amy t. at December 20, 2005 04:02 PM (xKhv0)

9 Holy shit, Helen! Congrats! It's about time they thanked you for the job you do, and in such grand and glorious excess, too!!!

Posted by: scorpy at December 20, 2005 05:31 PM (lL77t)

10 h... you deserve every last bit of that and I am utterly thrilled for you. Happy Fucking Holidays indeed GROS BISOUS!

Posted by: stinkerbell at December 20, 2005 05:47 PM (QcMkT)

11 holy cow Helen! You deserve every fabulous moment and every penny of it! How absolutely wonderful!!!!

Posted by: caltechgirl at December 20, 2005 06:25 PM (uI/79)

12 OMG OMG OMG!!!!!

Posted by: Flikka at December 20, 2005 09:54 PM (puvdD)

13 Congrats on your bonus. At least Dream/Nightmare Job recognizes your hard work once in a while. Can't decide which picture of you is better, the bathtub or shower scene. Maybe you should put one of those pictures at the top of your blog page...

Posted by: diamond dave at December 20, 2005 09:59 PM (bQbts)

14 It's at times like this I'm sad I'm not gay... how sexy do you look in that tub?! sheesh woman, it's enough to get anybody's blood boiling! Congrats on the letter day, you totally deserve it, as you deserve everything good that comes your way. AxXx

Posted by: Lemurgirl at December 21, 2005 12:06 AM (un1yz)

15 Can I hve a loan? ;-) It's well deserved and all that, but given this project is the new new thing and saving the company and all that, it's the least they could do.

Posted by: Simon at December 21, 2005 03:26 AM (FUPxT)

16 Fuck. YES! Enjoy for us it all, darling. Enjoy it for us all.

Posted by: Elizabeth at December 21, 2005 05:34 AM (oTjYW)

17 You earned it Helen... and may Evil Boss gnash his teeth as he has to cover for you 5000 Pounds WOW... that's a hefty bonus. Where I work once every couple of years the uppe management springs for Pizza. Oh.. and they fed us 2 years ago when the power went out an the UPS's failed frying half the state's computers..... I didn't get home for what 2 3 days?

Posted by: LarryConley at December 21, 2005 04:03 PM (0akNw)

18 First— those bridge photos look like paintings. Lovely, darling. Second— you know how we kept telling you to hang on, it will get better? I know I'm gratified at how MUCH better it can get! And while you're on your fabulous Orient Express trip, do take a moment to reflect on how YOU earned it, how YOU deserve it... and how much you're enjoying it!

Posted by: B. Durbin at December 22, 2005 05:51 AM (TTI6+)

19 Sweet! Five thousand pounds for you and two wet naked Helen pictures for us. This Christmas is already a smashing success!

Posted by: Jim at December 22, 2005 02:13 PM (tyQ8y)

20 Yes, merry xma$$ indeed.

Posted by: j.m at December 24, 2005 07:03 AM (9a59H)

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