Thanks for the many comments on Friday. I may (regularly) feel like I'm losing my mind, and it's nice to know that if I do, I'll be taking a lot of you down with me.

So I've been emailing back and forth with Statia about a few things, and one of her emails started off innocuously enough, but it quickly denegrated into a "Bitch please, don't you know anything about parenting?" kind of email.

But it was not judgemental from her perspective.

It was me judging me.

(She wouldn't send me a judgey email like that, although she would be one of the few to be forgiven if she started an email with "You Dumb Whore". If she disapproved of something I think she'd try to quietly talk me in to an alternate method. This is why I love her. That, and because if I get an email from a friend with a picture of a really ugly baby I can send it to her and we'll talk about the fact that the baby, it's pretty ugly, and we won't be all shocked and convinced that the other person is going to hell. Which we both are, but that's beside the point.)

Statia's email simply listed a few baby things she wondered if I could get over there, because she recommends them highly.

I didn't know a single product on that list.

Not one.

Hence my Bitch, please admonitions to myself.

I was frantically Googling names of things that sounded, to me, like the name of a new band of Muppets. Itzbeen? Baby Papasan? Boppy? What the fuck, can I get a Grown-Up Name for 200, Alex? And when I looked them up they were great products, things that sounded fantastic.

And I feel really, really unprepared for all of this.

I hit 23 weeks of pregnancy this week. This is a big time, mostly because should I go into early labor (knock on wood I won't), the babies start to have a chance of surviving it. In three weeks' time, at 26 weeks, they'll be in bad shape for a while but have a high chance of survival and a low chance of motor development problems. My pregnancy has been racing by, and I'm hoping it keeps racing over the next few weeks, because once I hit 27 weeks or so, I'll be breathing easier.

But what this means is I'm entering the home stretch soon. Me and my 8.5 kilos worth of babies, uterus, and the inside paraphernalia that goes with babies (umbilical cord, blood volume, beer hat with dual straws) are all going to be meeting up shortly.

And I'm not ready.

Not a bit.

Angus and I decided not to go to antenatal classes because:

1) Angus has done all this before and knows how to do all the various baby things.

2) Neither of us could handle going and being with all the crunchy-granola mummies and their tummy-rubbing hubbies.

3) Neither of us could handle going and being with the twins' group of crunchy-granola mummies and their tummy-rubbing hubbies, especially since a number of them are likely to be from the same IVF clinic we went to.

4) I've seen a preview of the classes, and it's all about the natural labor, the breastfeeding, and the birthing pools. Twins rule the birthing pool out (which Helen would have ruled out anyway. I am not Flipper, goddammit. I do not birth in a pool.) Natural labor is out - I want drugs, and lots of them. Moreover as a twins' mom I have an 80% chance of a C-section anyway, so I'm just resigning myself to that being the likelihood. And I can't breastfeed as I had the radical breast reduction years ago and have no milk ducts. So I'd be in there feeling like the worst mommy in the world. All I need to do now is ensure their closets have lots of wire hangers and I'll be all set.

We have a wishlist, which I'll be posting shortly. It was a fraught thing, this wishlist, not only because there are so many choices (which bouncy chair do I want? This woman's baby hated it! This woman's baby loved it! What will my babies think? What if one hates it and one loves it?) but also because Angus falls along the lines of the Amish way of raising babies - they get a crib, car seat, stroller (pram), sleeper suits, bottles, diapers, and some wooden blocks. Everything else is a gimmick. I was told I don't need a diaper bag, the babies don't need many toys, and the bathtub I bought was unpopular as "you just hold them in the bath".

Now, I'm not big on lots of things, either. The idea of a load of baby things - most of which I have no experience of and don't even know if we'll be using - is overwhelming. I do have some lines drawn in the sand - I bought one baby swing and need to buy another, because I heard that the swings can at least buy you time to brush your teeth, to have a cup of coffee, or to weep silently in the hallway, all of which I imagine I'll need. I do also insist on a baby changing table because although Angus maintains you can change the baby on the floor, I'm looking at C-section Land, which means stitches, no bending, and general hell for about 6 weeks. He's agreed to those things, and he's also agreed we can have a glider chair. I was prepared to offer copious amounts of oral sex in exchange for my victories.

But when I look at baby catalogs, baby websites, baby stores, I get overwhelmed. Why do baby clothes come in such confusing sizes - over here we have early baby, tiny baby, newborn, and 0-3 months - what the fuck? Aren't they mostly the same thing? What size will my babies be? And for how long? Twins are smaller than singletons, but how much smaller? What the hell do I need? What don't I need? Is it really the austere path that Angus wants, or is the overwhelming path that his sister-in-law went (all brand new, all posh names, and one of everything, please) the way to go?

I'm hoping it's somewhere in between. I have a feeling I won't know until I get there, although once I'm there it's not like I'll be getting out of the house all the time, not with two infant babies. It's probably a good thing that he's sure we won't need much stuff, because my panic levels are rising and I'm sure I'd make some stupid purchases to try to help ease the angst.

And while we're on what I need and don't need, will I seriously need the entire fucking life raft of things they suggest I'll need when I go into the hospital to give birth? Seriously, the list reads like a "What to bring on a U.N. mission into Gambia" protocol. What the hell do mothers really need in the hospital? And I just found out last week that after giving birth, I'll be put into a gigantic room with three other new mothers...and our babies. Yes, that's right - unless your baby needs special care (SBCU or special baby care unit), there is no nursery here. It's called a crash course in motherhood right there, it'll be me, the twins (hoping they're not in the SBCU), three mothers, and their new babies, all in one giant room. Welcome to motherhood. You don't even get to eat the hospital pudding in peace.

Screw getting any rest in the hospital. It sounds like I'll be aching to go home and get some sleep.

I'm feeling a bit faint about everything, and I don't think it's the hormones.

As far as pregnancy goes, I shouldn't say this but...it's not like I thought it would be. I mean, it's hard to imagine how it's going to be if you've never had kids and suddenly you're baking a bun in the oven, let alone two, but it's not how I imagined it. The biggest thing that I didn't see coming?

God...this is hard to say....

Um....I'm not exactly in love with all the kicking that goes on inside.

I read comments and blog posts from other women who find it the very essence of the miracle of pregnancy. Most women seem to miss that single aspect of childbearing most once they've given birth, it's a connection that I think women acutely grieve once it's severed. And maybe I will miss it, too. Someday.

Don't get me wrong, I love knowing that they're alive and well in there, I really do. It's reassuring and comforting to know that they're moving around and are large enough to feel. I find it interesting to observe when they're active and when they're not - they went mad during the busy, noisy action scenes from the new Fantastic 4 movie I took Jeff to see (does that mean they like the noise? Hate it? Not sure.) They also went mad at the steam whistle from the train in Scotland. These observations amuse me and make me smile.

But it's not comfortable, this kicking. They're only almost 23 weeks, I have 13 more weeks of this to go, and the kicking, it's already cumbersome. What happens when they get larger, I wonder? One of the babies regularly nails my lungs, the other one takes my bladder to task, and I find myself doing that age-old motion of rubbing my stomach, like all pregnant women do, only I'm doing it to see if they'll calm down.

Shouldn't I be over the moon at the kicking? Shouldn't I find it symbolic and wonderful and a feeling to be cherished forever? Why am I not more enchanted with it? I absolutely love knowing that they're ok and healthy, that's for sure, but am I missing something with the whole "one with the movements of my unborn child" shtick?

Does this mean I'm going to be one of those mothers that doesn't bond well? If I don't feel like standing naked under a full moon rubbing my growing mound in joyous celebratory wonder and we're only to the kicking stage, does that mean I'll be one of those women in a shabby bathroom extinguishing the butt end of my cigarette in their forumla before shaking it up and serving it to them (and no I don't smoke, and never have done, I'm just saying)? When they're 4 years old and we're out of shredded wheat, will I just roll my eyes and offer up a bowl of torn-up egg carton pieces with a dash of Budweiser to add an element of sog? When my son is 18 years old, will I tell him that screw university, truly the only career option he has is to pursue a bit part in a travelling murder mystery troupe?

Yeah. So much to think about over here.

If anyone needs me, I'll be curled up in a fetal position at Babys 'R Us.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 10:37 AM | Comments (42) | Add Comment
Post contains 1879 words, total size 10 kb.

1 I can tell you my wife felt the same way about the kicking. It was nice at first, then it got rather bothersome.

Posted by: Z. Hendirez at July 02, 2007 09:40 AM (otB//)

2 I wasn´t going to comment much but... here I go. Angus is right, you will be impressed by the amount of waste thats imposed on parents. But you will soon find out the essentials, trust me. As for the swing, personally we went for something more like this , with great sucess. In the first months they spend ALOT of time there, and its easy to just pick it up and take them with you thru the house. Your mileage may vary off course. Its about having fun, trying not to make mistakes (but sometimes making some) and worrying. Love them? Really love them? You´re good to go. You need a pair of these I think . Grin. Those pregnant lessons where a nightmare for me. My wife liked them just so, because she learned some stuff and felt safer in knowledge. But it is always a pain. Better off asking someone you know. One very important thing I found out about baby happiness, and therefore parent happiness too: clean their noses. Use baby saline solution (liters of the stuff), since they use dummies and can´t blow their noses its very big stuff. I hate doing it, but hey - kids are messy. If I can do it - anyone can. Trust me.

Posted by: miguel at July 02, 2007 11:14 AM (8nQlg)

3 After my kids were born I missed the kicking, but... Mine always seemed to want to have play-time just as I was falling asleep. One night I was so exasperated, I wanted my husband to share in the joy, so I deposited my tummy right in the small of his back and waited for the baby to go to town. My husband woke up, "Get that thing offa me! I can't sleep when he's kicking me like that!!" Well now you know how it feels, big boy! You're right, the "right" amount of baby stuff will fall somewhere between Angus' basics and your sister-in-law's extreme. One thing I will say, the babies won't care about any of it! They just need you! I bathed my babies in the kitchen sink until they were about 5 or 6 mo. old. It was the right height to save my aching back, and you can get a better grip on their slippery bodies. You just have to clean the sink before and after. It's normal to worry. I was lucky, I had plenty of experience with taking care of babies because my mother had twins when I was 10 years old. There was NO better training! Just think of what you'll be doing for Melissa and Jeff and their future children.

Posted by: Julie at July 02, 2007 11:45 AM (Smdiv)

4 Deep breaths. I know, it sounds corny and "granola-y" but it really does help. Keep breathing and you'll get there. Wow, sounds like you'll really be dumped into it. But think - once they're born, they won't kick you for a while. And once they're old enough to, I think you'll be doing fine with them. You're going to do great, I know you will, just give it some time. And good for you that you have friends like Statia. They'll help make sure you don't lose your mind.

Posted by: Hannah at July 02, 2007 12:06 PM (5w+E2)

5 Yes, the kicking is fun at first but when the baby(ies) get closer to full-term they will slow down because they are getting so big there won't be enough room. Then the kicking is replaced by this overwhelming feeling of fullness. You won't feel like eating or drinking or moving. Ah, the joys of pregnancy. It isn't all sunshine and rainbows and it's okay to bitch about it. Pregnancy is hard work. I understand where Angus is coming from about all of the commercialism that goes along with having a baby. There is so much stuff that everyone says is a MUST HAVE and it turns out to be not so helpful. I do have 2 items that I would strongly suggest getting. If you are going with disposable diapers, get a diaper genie. It will help keep that diaper smell down in the house. Second, the old fashioned, thick baby diapers make the absolute best burping towels. You can use dish towels too, but nothing soaks up the spit-up like those heavy cotton diapers. A friend of mine gave me a set of them that had pretty ribbon running down the sides (so they didn't look like diapers) and I used them for both of my kiddos. You are right about the changing table. In the early months they are great. As they get older and more wiggly, I found the floor to be the best option because I didn't have to worry about them rolling off. When I was getting ready for my first child I found myself going overboard on clothes. They grow so fast that if you overbuy you will find that they have grown out of the size before they have a chance to wear all of the clothes you bought! That happened to me with both of my kids. I would recommend buying lots of onsies (t-shirts that snap at the crotch --don't know if that is what they are called in England) and sleepers for the first 6 months. The pretty, fun outfits are great for a picture but not realistic for everyday wear.

Posted by: trainy at July 02, 2007 12:15 PM (vd8uz)

6 See, I loved the kicking. It's the only thing I loved, but then again, I didn't have an extra set of arms and legs jabbing me in the colon, either. And I don't miss being pregnant at all. Also, man, I've tried to hold a baby in the bath, sans tub. Two words. Slippery.bastards. Scares the shit out of me. But then, bathing a baby is my weird freak thing that scares me. And they grow really fast, even if they're small, go with 0-3 as much as possible. They'll still outgrow the newborn stuff before you can blink. Dude, you're going to do just fine. I have no doubt.

Posted by: statia at July 02, 2007 12:20 PM (lHsKN)

7 The swing was an absolute lifesaver. When all else failed, I could usually get Peanut to sleep in it. He had one that rotated, so it could swing sideways or front-to-back. I was heartbroken when he outgrew it. The Boppy pillow was also great for propping him up during feedings. We had very little stuff when he was unexpectedly born 6 weeks early, and honestly we were fine without. We didn't get a crib until he outgrew the bassinette.

Posted by: selzach at July 02, 2007 12:26 PM (F2AZE)

8 So much baby stuff is wasted, yet so much of it is a lifesaver. The wasted stuff is usually stuff you buy or receive beforehand, the lifesaver stuff is usually the stuff you bought after the baby was here and you knew you needed it. The Boppy and bouncy seat were losers in our house. The play mat was a winner. Some people swear a changing table is a waste of money but I couldn't imagine living without it. It's all a crapshoot really so I do think it's best to start with as little as possible. I watched the classes on video and not going to the classes was my biggest regret since I turned out not to be prepared. Labor and birth was a huge nightmare for me. HUGE! I'm not sure the classes would have helped any more than the videos but I think I would try something else if I ever find myself in that situation again - maybe I'll get a doula. As far as the kicking - my son never kicked. Just a twinge here and there. Every visit I was sure they wouldn't find a heartbeat yet they always did and didn't seem concerned that he didn't move. Turned out he was wrapped up in the cord that whole time. The moments after he was born were very quiet and tense. I would have rathered the kicking.

Posted by: paula at July 02, 2007 12:30 PM (FlZPw)

9 I think this is where having a close relationship with your mom (or a mother figure you trust) is helpful. Don't obsess about not bonding. I was so worried I wouldn't like my daughter - I really didn't like children, and wasn't sure I really even wanted to have a baby - but the minute she was born I totally fell in love - and we just figured everything out from there. As to the baby stuff. When they're born - the most important things to have are crib sheets and onesies, baby gowns, and receving blankets. I breastfed, so bottles weren't as important to me until later, but yeah, you'll obviously need those. My daughter was absoultely happy in a baby seat, not a papasan or deluxe vibrating bouncer or whatever...other than that...just can't think of much we couldn't live without. Oh. Other than the pacifier. HAD to have the pacifer. (And I do miss that I didn't do the prenatal classes, just to have done them. It was my only shot, so I'd have liked to...)

Posted by: Tracy at July 02, 2007 01:30 PM (zv3bS)

10 I was just starting to write a post about being overwhelmed by all of the options in baby products. We went to Babies R Us for the first time yesterday and I quickly realized that if we buy everything that they have out these days we won't be able to eat! I did find a good book though that narrows down what you really need and gives good recommendations. I'm almost halfway through it and I just got it yesterday -- it is full of lots of good info for those of us who really don't have a clue about a lot of the random things that are out there. It is Consumer Reports Best Baby Products book. I know it is available on Amazon.com.

Posted by: Jamie at July 02, 2007 01:50 PM (gr+/U)

11 Don't overdo the clothes buying before they are born. Get lots of diapers and onesies and you'll soon learn what you need the most of. They grow so quickly that a lot of clothes are wasted anyway. No one likes all the kicking and toward the end, you'll be bartering with the devil to be rid of it. Twins don't necessarily mean C-section, at least not in the US. My daughter didn't have that. 99% of women bond as soon as they lay eyes on their babies, so don't worry about that. I'm sure you'll be fine, as will Angus, in the end.

Posted by: kenju at July 02, 2007 01:50 PM (DBvE5)

12 I hated being pregnant. I often said during both of my pregnancies that if there was another way I could incubate them outside of my body I would. I felt horrible guilt for not enjoying what was going on, but for some reason I couldn't get behind the swollen legs, sore back, stretch marks, heartburn, nausea, dry and brittle hair, cracked skin, and general 'blah' I felt for nine months. In fact, my son kicked me so hard and often I thought he was going to come ripping out my stomach ala "Aliens". I love my babies, but I hated pregnancy. And the baby stuff? I am way out of the loop because my youngest is almost 6, but yeah-get a few essentials (yes to the swing, for sure), some onsies (I imagine Statia is a god-send right now, she is hip to all this shit), and I agree-get some 0-3 months. That newborn stuf-especially the diapers-is for shit. With my first, everyone bought us all this "newborn" stuff (because it was the new thing), and it went from 0-9 pounds or something like that. She ended up being 9 1/2 pounds when she was delivered, and so all that newborn shit was completely useless. Chances are your babies might be on the small side, but you never know. And like Statia said-they grow like mad. One bit of advice. Freeze up some dinners ahead of time. Especially if you do end up having a C-section it comes in really handy. I should have done it with my first, but didn't. I made sure I did with my second. And the C-section? Honestly, my first one was not bad at all. My second was worse, but I think because they cut through all the scar tissue and everything is already a mess, it just makes it worse. Of course, I only birthed singletons, so that is all I can speak of. Feel free to email me. I 'bonded' (I hate that term, but for the life of me can't think of another appropiate term at the moment) right away with my kids-and I love them to death. Just because the pregnancy isn't all sunshine and roses doesn't have a damn thing to do with what you are going to feel for them once they are in your arms. You will constantly amaze yourself-I guarantee it.

Posted by: Teresa at July 02, 2007 01:57 PM (jLKHH)

13 One brief story about the prenatal classes that I'll share with you: The time to watch a movie of several different childbirths had come. I had seen such a movie during my human sexuality class, so I knew what was to come. Not so the 20-something guys and girls sitting around me and the missus. They saw the women in the film, grunting, moaning and straining, legs in stirrups. Still, the final result was as yet unknown. Then the first baby's head pushed its way out of an opening that, quite frankly, was much smaller scant seconds before. The room filled with gasps of awe and horror from men and women alike. Being a smartass, I raised my hand and asked if we could be moved to the C-section class. And now onto the baby stuff with which you are unfamiliar. Helen, I was dead serious about some of us having a virtual baby shower for you. Virtual in the sense that none of us might physically be there, but quite real in the sense that we would bombard you with baby things that you can use, although I'm not certain how to get things to you. Add them to your wishlist on Amazon? Hey, you said Babies-R-Us! I wasn't aware that it existed in the UK. Maybe you could register for stuff and let us buy them for you; I assume that they would either deliver or arrange for you to pick up gifts. Please let me know. I, and I'm sure many others, would love to help celebrate the upcoming Lemonheads World Tour before it occurs.

Posted by: physics geek at July 02, 2007 01:58 PM (MT22W)

14 OK. Some suggestions, but only because you asked. Diaper Genie - You must have one of these. Trainy suggested this but it bears repeating, especially since you will not be breastfeeding and the poop will have an odor from the get-go. It will go a long way towards keeping the odors under control. Baby swing - This will give you a moment to go to the restroom, unless they fall asleep in which case you'll have time to nap. Make sure you get a battery powered one. Diaper bag - Definitely get one of these. Keep it with you, fully stocked with: *Twice as many diapers as you think you'll need *Powder, Buttpaste, wipes, and snot sucker *2 complete changes of clothing *comfort snacks for you and the kids Changing table - I think you should have one, especially with the probable C-section. The first year is hard enough. You will find it to be quite handy for the first few months, but you'll find that after about 6 months you won't be using it very often. Clothes - Whatever you get, you will use eventually. Don't sweat the sizes on the label. Roll the legs and sleeves up if it's too big. However, avaoid anything that doesn't snap open for easy diaper changing. All the rest of it is a crap shoot. There were some toys that my oldest one loved, and the younger one ignored. The reverse was also true. Watch out for the "cute" toys that play electronic songs or make noise at the push of a button. They will quickly drive you insane(r). I advise you to remove the batteries ASAP. Or maybe give them to Adam's kids...

Posted by: ~Easy at July 02, 2007 02:10 PM (X+de8)

15 You're a first time mom having twins. You've earned the right to be overwhelmed and frankly, scared shitless too. And I wouldn't enjoy a kick to the lungs or a squished bladder either!

Posted by: Heather at July 02, 2007 02:19 PM (s0rhn)

16 I'm 28 weeks. This is my first child. I too was feeling overwhelmed with baby products. I have to agree with Jamie. I got the book "Consumer Reports Best Baby Products" from Amzaon. It has helped me a lot! It will at least point you in the right direction. Good luck!

Posted by: Ash at July 02, 2007 02:22 PM (KNaK6)

17 You'll do fabulously. Really. A product suggestion: enjoying the babies of friends and family from the sidelines, I've noticed that bouncy seats - esp. those with battery operated vibrators that can be turned on if necessary - are helpful (and generally cheaper than swings).

Posted by: Suze at July 02, 2007 02:34 PM (0doyF)

18 The kicking is a novelty that wore off quickly for me. In fact I often referred to my son (who I swore was the next Pele') as "the alien". Needless to say all those weeks of kicking, bruised ribs, name calling, and declarations of "get this baby out of me" have not affected my love for the boy. Even when he does the exact opposite of what I've asked him to do.

Posted by: cursingmama at July 02, 2007 02:37 PM (PoQfr)

19 First off, I didn't read all the comments so I apologize if this has been repeated. Usually I comment like crap and end up not finding the right words, but you've struck a nerve this time. First off, no need to panic. Who cares whether you know about all the baby products or not? People will give you things, some of which will be useful, others of which you will pass right along to (the British equivalent of) Value Village. You need a change table if you're having a C-section, and you've established that. At some point you will need something for the babies to chew on that isn't wooden blocks (sorry Angus) but for the first while they don't do much except sleep and poop and look at you for food. And they yell, they learn to do that pretty quickly. You may want to stick a soother/pacifier/whatever you call it into their mouths. I didn't have a swing and when I wanted to put the infant into something I used the car seat, but that's me. The question you might want to ask yourself is, "What kind of person am I?" in other words, how do you treat your own life, what catches your eye? Are you surrounded by the latest gadgets, do you have to have the latest 'thing'? or are you fairly relaxed about your surroundings? Then you'll know what you need and what you don't. For example, I was told ad infinitum that I needed a diaper genie, but since I didn't use disposables this was stupid. When I did use disposables I found that a small bucket with a good lid was fine, and that buying a special plastic thing with a handle and special plastic bags and all the rest totally went against my recycling sensibilities (I live in an area where disposable diapers are recycled but they weren't for the first kid). You also probably shouldn't use (read: buy and throw away) wipes on newborn bums, because they're really really irritating and quite frankly, getting yourself 20 baby facecloths that are reserved for bum-wiping work way better; a little warm water on a facecloth will get all the poop etc off a bum, and the child is less likely to get diaper rash. If you're out with the babies (face it, this isn't going to happen for a while) then wipes are okay, but otherwise I'd stay away from them until the kids have thicker skin. Think about how you live. Imposing your lifestyle on your infants is not a crime (assuming your lifestyle doesn't include crime) and they won't learn to complain about how you do things for another five years or so. Haha. As for the kicking and all that: I was totally ambivalent about pregnancy and about having a baby, and when people said, "Oh, aren't you excited?" I'd reply that no, quite frankly I don't have much feeling about it one way or another, and I'd like to drink please, and have my body back if that's okay, and in about 20 years I'd like my bloody life back also. So excited isn't the word I would use, no. Pissed off perhaps, and otherwise annoyed. The one great thing about pregnancy was that I had absolutely no arthritis symptoms, and for that I was eternally grateful. Sorry I've gone on here. I probably should have emailed.

Posted by: Hilary at July 02, 2007 02:41 PM (uEmpv)

20 I had a crash-course in baby paraphernalia, and, five years later, I'm still a little confused by all of the STUFF associated with infants. Most of the stuff that we were given or bought on our own Elizabeth never used, and I always felt badly when I'd give it off to someone else, thinking that they would probably never use it either... I hated going to the one class that I had to go to when leaving the hospital with all of the granola mommies. I couldn't get Elizabeth to latch, so I was a Bad Mommy. I had an epidural, so I was a Bad Mommy. Bah.

Posted by: amber at July 02, 2007 02:51 PM (UVFtS)

21 Most maternity units run ante natal classes which are not of the NCT crunch-granola variety. They cover stuff like infant first aid, changing, bathing, sterilising bottles etc. And they're much more into the epidurals, and not so much on the water births.

Posted by: anna at July 02, 2007 03:14 PM (HBypz)

22 Based on my experiences observing my wife during her two pregnancies, you're just about normal. In other words your'e as screwed up as you're supposed to be!!! I am definitely on the keep it simple side - particularly with clothes. Lots of onesies - avoid gender specific since you're having one of each. Beyond that, nothing with more than a few snaps between you and the diaper. Cute little outfits are for your benefit only - the babies really don't care they'll spit up all over them just as happily. Don't spend a lot of money on them - let friends and family do that for you! One - or two - well stocked diaper bags are a must. Getting out the door will be challenge enough; having the basic essentials pre-packed and ready to go is beyond convenient. In addition to the diaper bags we also kept a small stash of diapers and wipes in each vehicle. (I also kept a handful of the large size ziplock freezerbags in the car and diaper bags because they seal tight and contain odors really well!)

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at July 02, 2007 03:29 PM (UquFN)

23 Angus isn't really of the Amish mindset, or he wouldn't have a car seat. They hold their babies. I didn't have time to read all the comments, so I may be repeating a bit. I'm with Angus on the travel light mentality. Swings are helpful. A diaper bag is a must for us. You can load it with what you need and then don't have to worry about whether you have diapers, Balmex (a creamy salve to help with diaper rash), pacifiers, and extra clothes whenever you go out to the mall or to a park. But most of the other stuff is just gimmicks and can be done without. There's something else here called Mylacon that helps alleviate gas. This is worth its weight in gold! And after a month or so, you'll always want to have plenty of children's Tylenol and Children's Motrin on hand. That's something you don't want to be without when they get a fever. On a humorous note, I'm about to be a new dad for the 3rd time and haven't heard of any of those 3 products you named. : ) For thousands of years people have gotten by without most of the baby stuff we now have. Most of the new fangled things help make life a little easier but aren't worth the clutter they cause or what you pay for them IMO. I think you're right where you should be. You're concerned for your children and concerned whether you know enough. After the first week, you'll be a pro and back on track for the Mother of the Year award. .

Posted by: Solomon at July 02, 2007 03:53 PM (al5Ou)

24 Okay, my two cents! My son bruised my ribs when he was about 25 weeks. I really wasn't all that in love with all the kicking either. As far as the connection. I just had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I no longer had to worry about my belly once I had him. And that he wasn't ALWAYS with me. I also had a hard time imagining he was inside of me when I was holding him. As far as baby sizes. One of the things we did wrong is we got only sizes 0-3. Of course, then he came out weighing 6 pounds and we had to run to the store to buy newborn size. I'd definitely shop for newborn size and play it by the ear on the premmie size.

Posted by: minawolf at July 02, 2007 03:54 PM (Ysm6Z)

25 Helen, I've watched my sister push out two kids in less than 18 months. One thing she did when my niece was on the way was go to a second hand retailer we have here in the states called "Once apon a Child", and to Goodwill in the Pish Poshy town of Scottsdale Az. At first I was taken aback at her buying second hand but most of the stuff she found was like brand new and some of the clothing still had tags on. Better to buy second hand then to watch it go into a landfill somewhere I guess. Kids grow so damn fast in that first year that she never knows what size they will be in. My niece who is 6 months wears the 9-12 month clothes now. Also, I know this is werid but she is a die hard Walmart (Asda) brand diaper person. She claims that when she used Pampers or Huggies the kid (my nephew) would bust right out of them. She also buys her formula (powdered) in bulk from Costco to save money....and trust me my BIL can make a nickle beg for mercy...they do save money.

Posted by: Heidi at July 02, 2007 04:10 PM (J4nGu)

26 Physics Geek-unfortunately, Babies R Us don't do giftlists here. Very helpful. The only companies we've found that do giftlists really are Amazon.co.uk and Johnlewis.com, so we're going on both of those. It's frustrating. I'm also trying to figure out how to get a U.S. mailing address and I found a mail forwarding company recently which I'm researching in hopes it helps.

Posted by: Helen at July 02, 2007 04:29 PM (prbIf)

27 When I had my baby I was the world's most unprepared mom. Seriously -- I didn't even have bottles when I brought him home from the hospital (and I didn't breast feed). I would walk through Babies R Us and think, "What the hell is that? And what would I use it for?" and then when I had an actual baby in the house, it all made sense. I know it's overwhelming and scary, but it all works out fine. When I would get overwhelmed, I would just remind myself that there are far dumber people than me who successfully raised kids, so I know it's possible.

Posted by: kitty at July 02, 2007 05:03 PM (Zl4mu)

28 The babies will "need": You Angus a place to sleep safely diapers formula bottles Love You can get the rest as you go. Oh and I'm like Uber-Mommy but I didn't even want children to start with. My ex had to talk me into it. I couldn't stand being around kids or babies before I had one. Probably from all the babysitting I did as a teenager, I got burnt out. As a consequence of this previous attitude, I had more than one person (on my ex's side of the family, strangely enough ;-P) tell me to my face that I was going to be a terrible mother, that I wouldn't "bond" etc. Christ, why are people so mean sometimes? I was horribly hurt and worried before Lucy's birth and cried myself sick with fear. Here's the thing; I did not *instantly* bond with either baby the moment I laid eyes on them. Sure, I was excited and I wanted to love them and I held them and cooed and did all the stuff you are supposed to do, but honest-to-god true motherly love for them took a little time. They grew on me as they grew. You know? So don't freak out in the hospital if they dump the babies in your arms and everyone will be all breathless staring at you and you're waiting for this thunderbolt to strike you with overpowering baby!love and it doesn't happen exactly the way you might think it happens. Don't worry, it will. If it does happen right then and there, great, but if it doesn't, don't worry. Takes time for some of us. Normal. Relax. It'll be okay, you'll see. {{{hugs}}}

Posted by: The other Amber at July 02, 2007 05:53 PM (zQE5D)

29 I skipped almost all of the gear. Car seat was essential, and we had a co-sleeper. I didn't get a stroller till he was 6 months old, but with twins that is probably more essential. Really, I found that diapers were the only absolute essential (as will be bottles for you - I breastfed). Of course your mileage may vary, but most of the "essentials" are totally optional. I do think a swing and/or bouncy seat (or two) would be very handy with twins, but for the most part you might find that you prefer to wait till they get here and see what you need then, once you can gauge their personalities a bit and see what it is like living with newborns. It is different for everyone, so it stands to reason that different gear will be helpful to different families. It occurs to me that I don't know if I've ever commented. Hi! I came here from Emily's blog years ago and lost track of you when Firefox wiped all my bookmarks. Just rediscovered you a few weeks ago and am thrilled about the Lemonheads!

Posted by: Annika at July 02, 2007 05:57 PM (zL2nn)

30 If you have any questions that Statia can't answer (hey, I have two healthy kids), feel free to ask. Kicking hurts. The first week or so is great, after that it is painful, and annoying. I still got kinda wistful when my kids kicked, but other times I was murderous. Like when I was sleeping. Or had a half-full bladder. Bonding isn't some miraculous thing. With my son, I didn't bond for a year. He's fine now and I love him intensely. With my daughter I bonded right away. It's hard to bond when you are exhausted, tired, stressed, sleepy (notice a pattern?), you hurt, your feet hurt, you can't sleep, you are constantly hearing screaming (my son had colic), etc. With my daughter - who slept through the night from the hospital on pretty much - it was a lot easier. But you know what? Both kids love me. Both are happy. Both are healthy. Both are developmentally sound. So don't worry if you don't bond right away. IF they are getting married, and you haven't bonded yet, THEN I'd say you have a problem.

Posted by: Jen(aside) at July 02, 2007 06:41 PM (u973k)

31 Why get a changing table? I'd think that getting a nice flat dresser and putting a temporary rail on it would be a better option. As for the kicking, heh. I'd always heard it as being amazing the first few times, but then degenerating to comments about football players with your internal organs being the ball. But then, instead of hearing from moms, I get that from stories about pregnant ladies by writers who have been pregnant, so in the interests of the story they fon't soften it up.

Posted by: B. Durbin at July 02, 2007 06:43 PM (tie24)

32 Your pregnancy is just that. YOUR pregnancy. It's not "right" or "wrong" to have the feelings you're having, either. They are YOURS. I have a lot of the "gimmicks" but to be honest, it really isn't necessary. Hell, even a crib can be optional if you have a stubborn baby like mine who preferred his playpen. Honestly, if you want them - get them. If you don't - don't. It's all just stuff. If there is love and caring, (and lots of baby formula and diapers) all the rest of the stuff isn't important. When he was little (and quite often still) I mostly bathed Babylove in what my mom would call a "spit" bath. I would lay him on a clean towel on the floor using a small basin of warm water and a washcloth and a squirt of baby bath. That way, no trying to hold onto a wiggly, slippery wet baby and - he's already on the floor, what's he gonna do, fall off the carpet? They don't NEED daily tub baths, anyway. You just want to make sure the folds of skin are clean and dry. Finally, none of what you've said thus far makes you a "bad" anything. But one thing you most definitely are is a Mommy. It's YOUR pregnancy, they're YOUR babies, and YOUR feelings. You have a right to them. You've certainly had quite a haul to get to this point.

Posted by: Margi at July 02, 2007 07:29 PM (9xp0M)

33 P.S. I would buy a few t-shirts and stretchy suits a piece in a "preemie" size. Your babies are likely to be very tiny. Too small for "regular" baby sizes, at first. Plus, like me, you'll have those TEENY TINY clothes for later, when they're toddling around the house and you'll marvel that they were EVER that small.

Posted by: Margi at July 02, 2007 07:31 PM (9xp0M)

34 Ummm, no babies, so no advice from me, just wanted to say OF COURSE you're overwhelmed. Jesus, I'd think you were crazy if you weren't. BTW, I don't think you're crazy, no matter what you say.

Posted by: Donna at July 02, 2007 07:35 PM (lQSbL)

35 P.P.S. (and then I'll shut up) That whole "bonding while the still-wet baby is laid on your tummy" can happen for some -- in my case, that flat-out wasn't the case. I love ALL THREE of my sons with all my heart but the first delivery was very difficult and I had multiple stitches, so he was taken to the nursery, first. With the second, I screamed "GET THIS KID OUTTA ME" and we bonded later in the hospital room, over orange juice and breastmilk when it was finally quiet; with the third, we bonded in the NICU. Each baby is different. Each Momma is different.

Posted by: Margi at July 02, 2007 07:37 PM (9xp0M)

36 Dude, of course a lot of these things aren't necessary, however, if there's anything out there to make your life easier, with twins, then seriously, ebay is your friend. Yeah, you can get by without it, but if you're going to be a right mess, then do what you need to make your life easier for you.

Posted by: statia at July 02, 2007 11:29 PM (lHsKN)

37 In the U.S, BabiesRUs is part of Amazon now. You might check Amazon UK to see if that's the case there too. Diaper Genie...yes, yes, yes. Oh, and yes. As for sleeping, we actually have a baby hammock. It's more of a floating cradle, keeps the kid in the slight upright position designed to keep reflux down, and keeps them on their back. X loved it, and if he hadn't grown so dang fast, we might have used it longer. Broke down into its own duffle bag for transport. http://www.ambybaby.com/ http://www.amby-baby-europe.com/

Posted by: zhendirez at July 03, 2007 12:04 AM (otB//)

38 Honestly, Boppys rock. I am not even a mom and I love 'em. They can be turned into fantastic lounging cushions when your kid grows past the stage. It would probably be one of the first things i'd buy other than a Bjorn sling.

Posted by: Dani at July 03, 2007 12:33 AM (DLBWZ)

39 If you're determined not to buy a vibrating chair, try putting them in their carseats against the door of the dishwasher and running the pot cycle- works like a charm. My daughter used to fall asleep mid-shriek, arms suspended mid-flail, four seconds after the hot water kicked in. It was improbable. As for the c-section, if you do have one, bring Colace, or it's Brit equivalents. Take lots. 'Nuff said.

Posted by: Allison at July 03, 2007 03:16 AM (3wiNs)

40 Hospital was hell - there was no sleep. If mine wasn't wailing then someone else's was (there were six of us in there). As soon as I could get out I did, in my nightclothes with a coat over the top. The good news - once it gets crowded in there then they don't have room to kick or punch so it doesn't go on for ever. You'll be surprised how much of the tat that they market as essential isn't, whatever you turn out to need that you don't have can be delivered. They don't need a big wardrobe, if you have a washer and a drier you can turn the clothes round as fast as they can poop on them and they grow fast at the start so things don't fit fast. I wasn't a baby person, they're more interesting once they can hold up their end of a conversation (or more often, an arguement)

Posted by: Caroline M at July 03, 2007 10:38 AM (x3QDi)

41 See this is where the advice gets confusing! I know that everyone seems to be recommending diaper genies. I am not even sure what they are called in the UK - we refered to them as those machines which turned nappies into poo sausages! We only had one baby, so fewer nappies, but I was adamant that our house wouldn't smell like baby poo. I admittedly didn't even have a baby's room, or a change table, we used a change mattress on our kitchen table (germ phobics panic here!) But I made sure all dirty nappies went into the rubbish bin which was emptied nightly outside into the wheelie bin. (not my job!) and sure enough, our house never had that lingering smell of baby shit. I borrowed a friends change table recently and even her fancy sausage machine smelt faintly of poo. I guess its one of those things, you get one and you swear you could never have survived without it, you never had one and you will wonder why people make such a fuss. I do however second the motion to buy a small amount of onesies, you might need long sleeves with poppers between the legs due to cooler weather and then as you littlies grow, you get what you need. And cloth nappies, excellent burp, sick, poo rags.. I had about 20 of those and about 4 gazillion muslin cloths from Mothercare... I am still using them today and my little one turns one on Friday EEEEK!

Posted by: Sarah at July 04, 2007 08:14 AM (/i+3p)

42 Ha! Hilarious post. Being pregnant sucks bad. I totally suspect people who say otherwise of various things (lying being one of them). It's painful, annoying, unrewarding... a lot like motherhood itself actually. Of course, you dont know what kind of mother I am so you cant say if my advice is any good but here it is anyway: You will do fine. C-sections are really not as bad as you think theyre gonna be. Every day you feel a bit better. The whole "stuff" stuff - thing to do is just have cash (or a card) on hand. Twins or no, about 2 weeks after theyre born leave them home and go shopping for whatever you need that you dont have. Seriously. I have had the changing table and hardly ever used it. Both my kids loved the swing but some hate it. One of the worst things about parenthood is that you can only learn by on-the-job-training what suits you and your children best. Youre starting out with everything you'll need - intelligence, determination, a fierce will, love for them and a beginning of love for you, and enough money to get by. The rest is all about faking it. No matter what anyone else says. We are all faking it.

Posted by: That Girl at July 06, 2007 02:14 AM (Mc2V9)

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