Dear bloggers, fans of Everydaystranger and friends of Helen. Angus here and writing with Helen’s knowledge and permission. To set the scene, you should know that I have full knowledge of Helens blog (have even written a couple posts) and you should know that we generally have a very open relationship – that means we share many things and sometimes get to see emails she receives and writes. She has shown me some of the ones she received in response to her last post.

Helen is a great writer and IÂ’m very proud of her work and as her partner and soulmate I often have a deeper insight into what she is writing and why she writes it. She often writes as a way of getting things off her chest or even simply as a way of collecting thoughts. She has a fantastic style and spirit in her writing but sometimes it is important not to read too much into it.

As many of you have probably been able to work out by now, H and I had a big argument yesterday (and continuing today). As is common in these situations neither party is blameless and without boring you with all the nitty-gritty basically what happened was that Helen spent £150 (that’s about $290) on a theatre visit to see Hamlet. The ticket has a face value of £30.

This happened after we had previously discussed it and I had explained how opposed I was. Ordinarily this may not have been such a big deal but we currently have a crap financial situation after recently having a lot of building work done.

Anyway, what ensued was heated and angry and went global and big lines were crossed by both of us. In the midst of all this Helen put a post on her blog, I wish she hadnÂ’t since frankly I donÂ’t think itÂ’s any of your fucking business but, hey, we are where we are. So, when she requests no comments or leaves the comments closed, thereÂ’s a clue there (psst. itÂ’s in the title) it would be helpful if we did not see a long list of people (you know who you are) sending emails and ignoring the request.

Comments are open on this post, by the way, that means itÂ’s OK to have your say. Bring it on!

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 05:47 PM | Comments (3) | Add Comment
Post contains 403 words, total size 2 kb.

The truth is, I'm a fraud.

I am.

All these years I say things on my blog, things that I ask others to believe, things I try to believe myself. But I'm lying. Lying to myself, mostly. Definitely lying, though. So by extension I'm lying to you.

Because all of those times I say "If they hit you, leave. Immediately. Don't look back and don't let them tell you it's your fault, they couldn't help themselves", and all of those times I say "If they treat you badly, if they call you names, if they treat you in ways you don't deserve to be treated then it has to end", all those times I state that even in times of darkness you can find light, and everytime I mention McDonald's in unhealthy, I am lying.

Don't look to me for guidance, or as some kind of hopeful example. I'm a fraudster, see. I say these things but don't mean it.

Or at least I mean it for you and not for me.

Maybe that's the distinction.

UPDATED-for the love of God, stop emailing. It's making things much worse. I will be back shortly.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:30 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Twenty-three.

That's the stopgap I have, that's the number where it stops.

Just twenty-three.

Twenty-three is the number of pills I have left before I start to try to wean myself off of them.

I started the anti-depressants almost eight months ago, on the first of February. The postnatal depression was simply too much for me, I wasn't functioning. My depression manifested as anxiety, and unless I was with my babies in that safe cocoon where no one could touch us, I was a mess. Crying. Sleepless. Not eating. Unable to function in public. Unable to keep from shouting at everyone - except the babies - around me. Unable to stem this mountain of anger that came from somewhere, came from nowhere, anger so fierce it was palatable yet I couldn't reach it, not even to tell Angus to go to hell when I should have done. I couldn't slow down and just hold my babies, just be with them. I mourn that, I mourn those days. My children are more interested in exploring now, and now that I am calm enough to just sit on the couch and be with them they no longer want to be with me. Every day was a mental exercise of running in sticky taffy.

I wasn't functioning right and I knew I wasn't.

I got help and I'm not sorry I did. It was what caught me before I fell, I think. The medication, once it started working, tuned out the white noise in my mental radio. It softened the edges of my anxiety so that I no longer cut myself on them. I was hungry again. I could talk to people without taking their heads off. Sleep, my own final frontier, finally returned in the end.

I was adamant that I stay on the pills for returning to work, for the duration of the home extension build, for the wet and miserable summer which I knew would bring me down if medication wasn't coursing alongside my neurons.

But now I have twenty-three pills left. The builders have gone home and although we are one hundred million miles away from being done, the house is habitable. Parts of it - the bathroom, the nursery, the dining room, living room and kitchen - are even enjoyable. I have been sleeping and eating. The useless summer has exploded into Autumn, my favorite time of year, and the chill in the air and the falling leaves delight me daily.

At the end of the twenty-three, I am jumping. Jumping off the pills, jumping back into me. The pills are easy but there were side effects - nausea the first month. Noticeable lack of libido throughout. A complacency in life that is not something I would ordinarily feel. I am not complacent.

You can't do it, whispers my head, twirling its cartoon villian mustache and laughing at the tied-up Penelope Pitstop on the train tracks. You'll never succeed!

Yes I will, I tell my head. I am Dudley Do Wrong. But it's ok.

You're too weak. You'll fall apart! cackles my head.

No I won't, I reply stubbornly.

You need the pills! Think about your life! Your savings is gone. The economy is in recession. Your work load has gone mental and you're trying to change jobs. Your house isn't done. Your mind is nebulous. You can't do this! squeals my head, relishing its exploration of schadenfreude.

Those things are all true, I reply calmly. But there is an end in sight to everything.

You will fail.

You have twenty-three days. Twenty-three. Then we'll see how strong I am.

-H.

PS-my archives have been shagged - I think it's now all back up and running. If you're in my past and see something dodgy, can you let me know? I mean besides the drinking and swearing and being mental? Thanks.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:49 AM | Comments (25) | Add Comment
Post contains 653 words, total size 4 kb.

"Since we've gotten tgoether - you know, properly - has there ever been another man that you thought: Right. I'd have a relationship with him, he'd be a good person to substitute if we broke up. I don't mean sexually, I mean from a relationship perspective, if there's someone you thought you could or would want to be with if we split?"

This is what Angus asks me last night, bottle of wine uncorked and dinner on a slow simmer.

I twirl the stem of my wineglass in my hand and think about it.

Angus has long thought I am flighty, unreliable in relationships. This is not without foundation - my track record is not stellar. I have a path of relationship destruction behind me, I used to have a hurricane's love life of constant pounding rain and drama and moments in the eye where the sun didn't stop shining.

I am better at loving now. Therapy has helped. Time has helped. Trying to find my way home is what's really done it, knowing that where I am is where I'm supposed to be has signed, sealed and delivered.

It doesn't mean I'm perfect.

I have wondered about life past Angus. It's not something I dwell on but we do have our problems. Last Christmas for example. It was a very, very dark period in our relationship and the words "It's over. Get out." were actually said and actually meant. I think it's foolish to not wonder what you'd do if it ended. If we came to a close the babies and I would continue to live in England, within close distance to Angus as we feel it's extremely important for both parents to have as involved a presence as possible. I wouldn't move back to the States because to me, this is home. I love being here. And I think it's better for the children, too.

And I know that if we split both of us would eventually find someone else. Angus isn't the kind of man who's meant to be alone.

But the truth is, neither am I.

It's not a co-dependence or fear of being alone. I have been alone and had a damn good time of it. I guess when I look forward I just see someone else there, too.

So have I come across anyone that I would want a relationship with?

I think about it.

My recent contact with the prior one night stand comes up. He was an incredibly good kisser, that's for sure. But he was big on what I call "cock talk" (hot tip: I'm not a fan of the word "spunk" unless you're talking about someone being overly charismatic) and truthfully, not my kind of guy. So not him.

I had another one night stand years ago, in my single days, with a colleague (god I sound like such a whore. A corporate whore, no less.) He was sweet and kind and attentive, but again - not my kind of guy.

I think about all of my colleagues and friends. Not one of them even entered my mind as a possibility. I cast my mind further back. There was a sweet, lovely man many, many years ago. An architect with a stutter who told me, after our one and only goodnight kiss, that he could still feel me on his senses. I can't remember his name, which makes me a real bitch, but he would have made a wonderful husband and father.

But no. There's no one else. I tell Angus this.

He tells me he has two who could potentially fill my shoes, although only one of them is someone he could potentially be interested in. I don't feel jealous and I don't feel threatened - he's just being honest, and more to the point this other person lives in Germany and isn't someone he has much contact with. This is all hypothetical and I know that. It does make me question the wisdom of having no one lined up should he shuffle off, but then again I'm not in the business of banking on having a backup, because even when Angus is being a Class A Asshole, he's still my Class A Asshole.

I wonder if I should get a list, accented by the fact that we had a really tough week last week and at some points I wondered how much I would get for him on ebay, which is roughly what he wondered about me. I've got a blank dance card - anyone interested?

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:47 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
Post contains 763 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Wow, good for both of you for being at a place where you can discuss that sort of thing honestly. It's definitely saying something that he can be open about having thought about it, as well as that you don't have anyone in mind. Seriously, I'm envious here.

Posted by: D at September 22, 2008 08:10 AM (bRx8a)

2 I hope you have a better week this week. However, i am amazed you can say you had a bad week and not a bad month given that you have two small ones, work stress, family stress and the mother of all building projects on the go! When all is said and done it sounds like you and the boy are going great guns! Still, if you are considering back up, what about your boy John Cusack, he single these days?! abs x

Posted by: abs at September 22, 2008 11:01 AM (pejJ8)

3 abs - no longer crushing on John Cusack. Instead, I have a new number one - David Tennant. Now he's definitely on the list

Posted by: Helen at September 22, 2008 11:02 AM (ApFKI)

4 Ahh, yes. A list. I have one of those. It is well populated and with single men no less.

Posted by: Oddybobo at September 22, 2008 11:32 AM (dVFQh)

5 If I said I was interested in filling your dance card (no puns or innuendos intended), I'm not sure who would kill me first. The Super Model Mrs. Solomon or Helen. : ) But seriously, discussions like that are very dangerous IMO. People rarely just have an affair. They usually start with "harmless" discussions/ideas/flirtations, and then something blooms. I think pondering stuff like "my spouse's replacement" could trigger thought processes that Solomon shouldn't have. I know people want to be open and honest (and I'm all for that too), but some topics are better left unexplored. What if you or he had said, "Yeah, the guy/girl in the office next to mine."? Paranoia might start for the other one. Every time you/he was "working late", the other might get suspicious. Did you ever see that scene in "Jerry McGuire" where his girlfriend tells him she once did a threesome in college and would do so for him if he wanted? He replied, "Honey, you know that thing we do where we tell each other everything...maybe that's not such a good idea." That's probably not the exact quote, but it's a humorous way to explain how I feel. : )

Posted by: Solomon at September 22, 2008 12:43 PM (x+GoF)

6 I have back ups, but they are unattainable (the dudes that rock my world on tv and in movies). Actually, they are the dudes I would just like a good shag with. I sometimes think about what life would be like with someone else, and Adam and I have discussed it. He can see no one else he would like to be with-and I know he means it. Even when I think I can't stand him a minute more, I know that he is the only one for me. That doesn't mean that if something ever did happen I couldn't go on, but for the here and now, he is the only one who rocks my world. Having said that, your offer tempts me. Do we get the house?

Posted by: Teresa at September 22, 2008 01:04 PM (07Vt0)

7 I have no backups...no plan b. I was quite happy being alone before I met my husband. I can't see life without him now. Granted, I've been obsessed with it lately - about what happens if he has a heart attack or whatever, and I'm suddenly left with a new baby, my daughter, and his three - over whom there would be an ugly custody battle. But I think that's a pregnant woman thing. Worrying about a bunch of crap you shouldn't worry about because there's no sense to it.

Posted by: Tracy at September 22, 2008 01:15 PM (eiiGE)

8 /agree Solomon

Posted by: Jen (aaron-n-jen.com) at September 22, 2008 02:01 PM (cLxRc)

9 *hand raised* BYOWang.

Posted by: Ms. Pants at September 22, 2008 03:04 PM (+p4Zf)

10 When my husband would ask me this question I would wonder why this has come to his mind. Because of an especially hard week? Kidding? We had especially hard whole years together, no fun, no sex, no love, just being best friends, working like made and raising our child. BUT we made the interesting experience that love and excitement for each other came back, even after long periods of depression and fighting. Staying together worked out as valuable for both of us, not only for the sake of our child. I wish the two of you a long breath (as we say in German "einen langen Atem haben" = staying power). P.

Posted by: Paula at September 22, 2008 03:41 PM (Y/xBy)

11 I think having a backup list makes the chance of straying too easy - for women anyway.

Posted by: kenju at September 22, 2008 05:53 PM (MvNh+)

12 hey! I used to be an architect.. well, almost an architect..but then 'almost' only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades, and I never had a stutter so I guess it wasn't me.. Doah!! but I do have a fantasy list.. and kinda like solomon, this is where I keep these conversations. I think I can squeeze you in between Shirly MacClain and Sophia Loren on my list.

Posted by: j.m at September 23, 2008 05:53 AM (8mtSv)

13 You both are stressed. Home remodel. A baby. Wait, make that two. Company. The swunt. You guys need a serious break. Not from each other, but from those things that push us too hard.

Posted by: Lauren at September 23, 2008 07:03 AM (Pt1kf)

14 Helen: If you're not currently using John Cusak mind if I borrow him? :-)

Posted by: Flikka at September 23, 2008 07:17 AM (o19Kc)

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We've been dealing with a lot in this house, all of it is causing me to look inside so hard that I'm not introspective so much as simply exhausting myself with examination. I can't say more than that except to say that Ms. Pants' comment on my photo yesterday, that I should lay my head on her lap and let her play with my hair, nearly choked me with tears because that's exactly what I want and need, I need just a bubble to get me away from all of this and into a safe and comforting place where words don't tangle and skin doesn't tingle, where the taste of salt on trapezius doesn't tie up my mouth, where phrases and questions don't tie up my thoughts.

Yesterday I was rushed off my feet, all while struggling to deal with the other things. Sun poured in through the skylights of the living room, my phone was hot with engagement, and my laptop burned a hole on my lap.

My interview at 2, I started getting ready as early as I could. Showered, hair blown dry, makeup studiously applied. Simple jewelry, only a dash of perfume, then into my business suit. As Donna commented, I pretty clearly should have tried it on first, as the skirt slid right off me. I tried it again. Fully zipped, the skirt didn't have a hope in hell of staying on. I couldn't find any safety pins so abandoned the skirt in favor of a sheath dress. The jacket, which used to be snug, now swallows my frame whole. It was all I had, so I went with it.

Home renovations - the new weight loss plan.

I drove to the interview, reciting the mantra "No fear" in my mind again and again like a talisman, preparing answers to the usual questions in my mind, questions I figured I would get and did get, the ones that they give out as party favors at HR parties across the world.

Why are you looking around?

Real answer: Because I hate my job, I know I can do more than this, and my lack of empowerment makes me feel like I need a house dropped on me.

Answer provided: Because it's important to keep an eye on the market, to find opportunities to hone my portfolio of projects and remain on top of the mobile technology game.

What are your strengths?

Real answer: If it's something I care about, I run my projects with an iron fist, I have a reputation of being someone you don't fuck with. I instill loyalty in my teams, and at the end of my projects we're like war buddies. I'm also fabulous in bed.

Answer provided: I am driven, motivating, and professional, with ten plus years of leading virtual teams and managing large-scale, high-profile projects.

What are your weaknesses?

Real answer: Macaroni and cheese, champagne, David Tennant, and someone who runs their hands through my hair when they kiss me.

Answer provided: Previously I have taken it upon myself to do everything, as I wasn't delegating efficiently. It's something that I've learned is counter-productive and it's important to have trust in colleagues and teammates that they will do what's needed of them.

What's the square root of 500?

Real answer: What the hell...?

Answer provided: Hang on a second, let me work this out. (Get out paper and pen and do rough math, saying it's 22 point something.) It's 22 point something, to get more specific I will need a calculator, which I can get back to you on, shortly.

We walk through many, many project scenarios in which I'm expected to give answers. This isn't difficult as they're scenarios I've been in among the projects I've done, and I learned some valuable lessons from them. I am grilled on my CV but my CV is 100% honest, nothing is inflated, and so I answer those questions with confidence.

At the end, we all smile and drop our interview behaviors. I ask about the square root question, and they say they include it just to see how people respond to the unexpected. They say they were pleased with my response - it wasn't the correct math they were going for, but how I solved a problem.

One of the managers walks me out and tells me - unofficially - that I have made the cut for the final rounds. He tells me my CV alone would have had me make the cut, but that I delivered a killer interview and came across so professionally that they would be crazy not to hire me. I have to come back soon and do a presentation to a board, at which point I will be judged and either deemed fit or deemed drudge.

I walk to the car with my head high. No fear, no fear, no fear. I'm three for three on the companies I have talked to, they all have me feel like I don't have to be under a rock forever, that I have something to offer, that I am someone. Work is not my everything, it is simply something that is validating a part of me that I thought was long dead. I see that it's not so much that I want my children to be proud of me, it's that I want me to be proud of me. I have been infused with a feeling I haven't had in so long that the giddiness of it is similar to the feeling of my feet on the pavement as I run, that it echoes of soft sheets and certitude and burning. It's the feeling of self-belief, and it makes me burn.

I may sound full of myself here, and that's not what I'm going for. I just want to tell you that I felt something I haven't felt in a long time - I felt I could do it. I could do something. I could succeed and do so based purely on being me, not me being whatever someone wanted me to be.

I catch sight of my reflection - suit too big. Heels so high. Hair straight and shiny. Head held up, shoulders back, neck arched, collarbones clean. There is an air of confidence that hasn't been there for years. I take the memories of tangles and tingles and push them back. This moment was mine. No matter whether or not I get this job I got myself back for a second, and I tasted delicious.

-H.

PS - the square root of 500 is 22.36, in case you're interested or in case you get asked this in an interview, at a cocktail party, or by the guy waiting next to you at the bus stop, the one who usually smells of pastrami and asks you for the time.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:10 AM | Comments (17) | Add Comment
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Feeling rather grizzly today, so this will be Blog Lite (less calories, less filling).

My existential crisis yesterday has ended, more due to my ongoing cold taking up all immediate resources as opposed to sitting around wondering who stole my proverbial cheese.

During my absence my work email flooded. Escalation after escalation is tippling all over the place, and one of my customers threw such a strop that I was taking a few days off that he was going to escalate as I wasn't going to answer questions right now. Even though I took a few days leave. He's angry because he pays for project management services and expects me to work (even though he doesn't pay for my work when I'm on leave). To which all I could think was: I am not steak. You can't just order me.

It's time to move on, I think. I may enjoy working from home but I'm beginning to sell my soul in doing so, and I don't know if I can do that much longer. Additionally, although we've gotten fabulous bonuses, in general our pay rises in Dream Job have not been in keeping with inflation, so now that bread costs 140,000 pounds we're all finding our paychecks don't go as far.

My interview yesterday went well, so well in fact that I am already shortlisted on the candidate list. Over 100 people applied for this position and only 10 will make it to interview. I am luckily one of those 10, and this will sound very cocky but I am the kind of person that believes if I can get the interview, I can get the job. The job sounds good and interesting, the only problem is it may include occasional travel to Scandinavia. I like Scandinavia, and my ability to speak and read Swedish helps, it's just I could do without travel, really.

I have another interview today, ironically with another firm that may involve occasional travel. The big issue though is this company would take me straight into the jaws of the beast - I will be working with Company X. Not working for Company X, but working with them. Including people from my past.

And this is hard for me.

Angus says I should hold my head high, that fuck 'em - they let me go and I've moved on. Getting cut has nothing to do with my performance, it had to do with length of service. I've proven myself since then, and I don't have anything to feel stupid about.

Apart from the Swunt taking my name and trashing it with extremely high-ranking managers in Company X, that is.

People I may have to come face to face to across the table.

I'm going ahead and interviewing, but honestly don't know if I can take this role. I can do the work, but maybe I lack the cojones to stare down my past.

We'll see. I've pulled out my eight year old business suit (luckily still current as it just managed to clear that "shoulder pad" hurdle that felled so many other business suits), dusted off my heels, and will have my interview face ready.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 10:30 AM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
Post contains 532 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Good luck! I'm sure you will kick arse.

Posted by: Lee at September 18, 2008 12:18 PM (cP0Yl)

2 Break a leg, sweetie. You'll have everyone eating out of the palm of your hand! I just know it!

Posted by: Margi at September 18, 2008 12:24 PM (Xr7DE)

3 I'm certainly not one to give interviewing advice, seeing as I didn't get the last two jobs I've interviewed for. Fuckers. Ignoring my drama and moving on, good luck. I'm sure you'll impress and amaze. Seriously, how could you not?

Posted by: MsPrufrock at September 18, 2008 12:48 PM (6Mr1k)

4 You will do fabulously, I'm sure.

Posted by: Sarah at September 18, 2008 12:53 PM (D37sb)

5 I don't know - it's humerous to think of how the Swunt would look if those people she'd bad-mouthed you to realized that she's the psychotic bitch with an axe to grind.

Posted by: Tracy at September 18, 2008 01:03 PM (eiiGE)

6 Good Luck! No matter the outcome of this hunt I admire you for putting yourself out there, looking for a job is ass work. I hope you find a perfect fit, for you and for your family.

Posted by: Christina at September 18, 2008 01:25 PM (COFGd)

7 i agree with tracy, the swunt is the one that will look bad, not you. hold your head high and know you deserve to be there. good luck with your interviews!!!

Posted by: Kristen at September 18, 2008 01:36 PM (I4yBD)

8 Way to GO! The Swunt's credibility is about to take a serious nosedive. Congratulations on landing the interviews; you will do just wonderfully.

Posted by: Lisa at September 18, 2008 01:45 PM (hkgEp)

9 Good luck! We'll all be pulling for you.

Posted by: donna at September 18, 2008 01:45 PM (5dl0W)

10 So I know they say the best revenge is living well and all that. Bullshit. I say the best revenge is interacting with those to whom the Swunt has trashed you and having them realise that she is batshit insane and you are absolutely divine. (Because that might just make her head completely explode. And I don't know about you but sometimes I like watching Scanners.)

Posted by: Ms. Pants at September 18, 2008 02:19 PM (+p4Zf)

11 It may be scary as shit but think of how fucking rewarding it could be to show Company X exactly what you are really made of. Sorry for the cursing, bit grizzly today myself.

Posted by: Melissa at September 18, 2008 03:39 PM (+Wg/4)

12 A is right. Fuck it. You have proven yourself. If they don't like it, that's their problem. And about the Swunt trying to influence people, they're not idiots. They know what her motivations are. I'm glad to hear the interviews went well. Keeping my fingers crossed you'll get one of them.

Posted by: caltechgirl at September 18, 2008 04:11 PM (IfXtw)

13 Dude, you should totally try on the suit beforehand, because judging by the pic of you standing next to the window, you are much thinner now, and it may not fit well anymore! Go get them.....you can do it.

Posted by: Donna at September 18, 2008 05:08 PM (xua6K)

14 Good on ya girl, you go for it. I totally admire you taking the 'lack of direction' thing by the scruff of the neck....I need to take a leaf out of your book.

Posted by: Bee Cee at September 18, 2008 06:34 PM (ybA4Y)

15 Dear Helen, I'm so glad to hear that you got the interview! Well done. And I hope the other interview today went spectacularly well, though I certainly understand your lack of enthusiasm at facing such a difficult part of the past (and I had no idea that the Swunt was active in that too, ugh). I do think you have the cojones, but I understand not wanting to subject yourself to that stress constantly.

Posted by: Kath at September 18, 2008 06:45 PM (RTChg)

16 Just follow your gut. It will always lead you down the road you are meant to be on.

Posted by: Lauren at September 18, 2008 07:18 PM (Pt1kf)

17 Best of luck with the interviews. I would be wary about "occasional" travel. My husband was offered one of those: it turned out to be 4 days a week in Dublin which was more like relocation frankly.

Posted by: Betty M at September 18, 2008 07:42 PM (t4Aoi)

18 Luck be with ye.. so much in life really is luck..and timing.. then trumped by Irony, no less.

Posted by: j.m at September 19, 2008 06:13 AM (unAfC)

19 I still say the best revenge is exploding heads.

Posted by: Ms. Pants at September 19, 2008 01:28 PM (+p4Zf)

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The Clampets (they call themselves that, too) arrived yesterday with early birthday presents for the babies and to lend a helping hand. Despite my almost paralytic fear of ladders (including intense sweating and me repeating "Everything's fine" as a mantra while on ladder) Dad and I have spent the day on a three story high scaffold painting the rest of the outside of the house.

It's like Father-Daughter bonding, extreme style.

My stepmom has arrived to help babysit. They've arrived in good time - we're all nursing hardcore colds, Nora has yet another ear infection, our crappy red car is about to go meet the Ford Father in the sky and we now need to figure out how we're going to go about getting a replacement as it's not like we have a lot of cash lying around, and Angus and I both are stressed to bits with work (as in too much of it to do and not enough hours or willpower to do it with).

I'll be light on the blogging for a few days while I soak up the help and enjoy time with my folks, who are some of the best grandparents I have ever seen.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 04:11 PM | Comments (8) | Add Comment
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On a slightly lighter note, my babies are 11 months old today (something I can't quite get my head around), the Amazing Angus got the PC back up and running, and thus I'm here to subject you to a video:

-H.

UPDATED - Wanted to add Extreme Close-Ups (also here in case You Tube is being a dick, which it has been all morning thus convincing me to head for Flickr for video).

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 06:31 AM | Comments (23) | Add Comment
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At 6 am on Saturday the babies' grandma (my stepmom who was over here for a short visit) walked into the babies' room to see Nora sitting up in her cot, looking around. It was the first time Nora had twigged how to get into a sitting position from laying down, and of course Nora felt the need to display her new talent 100,000 times during the day.

We fed the babies and then Grandma and I lowered the babies' beds. A few days away from them turning 11 months old and the babies are finally able to raise themselves into a sitting position. It's better for them but definitely more back-breaking for us now having to reach so low into their beds Babies can be so inconisderate.

After bottles and their breakfast, the babies were chilling with us on the living room floor. A mere 5 days after finally completing installing the new flooring, Nora - who was laying on her stomach - looked around, raised her knees beneath her, and crawled from Grandma to me, then tried to curl up on my lap.

There was much screaming, all of it coming from the adults in the room. I was so proud. My baby crawled. And now it's like she's uncovered a new technology, crawling is the new black, it's all the rage. This has led to another milestone - the word "no". As she hurtles towards everyday objects we have to be a step ahead, and the average slightly hazardous things you might have lying around the living room like an exacto knife, cyanide capsules, or that leftover plutonium you have from building your own toaster/clock combo are no items that need picking up. The living room is largely baby-proof now, but still we have to say "no" in a very firm voice. Nick and Nora react immediately. They stop what they are doing. Half the time the lower lip goes out dramatically and their eyes fill with pools of tears and then the crying begins, a heart-wrenching sound that should be on Days of Our Lives as the babies wail about the betrayal, dear God the betrayal!

This is going to be fun.

It also coincides with another milestone in our house called Sleep Regression. Suddenly both babies, who have been sleeping through the night since they were 3 months old and used to go down to bed without a single complaint, have decided that no really they're not tired and they absolutely positively do not want to go to sleep (I won't take a nap! Who wants to take a nap? runs through my head every time.) Bedtimes are the new battleground although luckily once they do fall asleep they're gone for the night. Luckily I have been reliably informed that this is temporary and due only to the frustration the babies have at being nearly mobile, that bedtime will return at its normally scheduled delight and joy soon.

Nick showed some interest in moving yesterday but, upon learning he had to get on his knees and actually move, he decided that the commando-style way of dragging his body using his elbows would do for now. I suspect he will start to crawl soon though. It's how it works with these two, one of them does something and then the other decides to be a copycat.

So my little girl is crawling. I can't believe it and I can believe it and I'm so glad the floor is done and ready to go. Talk about the nick of time.

And we do have video, which I was going to upload but can't - our home PC thoughtfully decided to commit suicide Saturday night. Our photos and videos are all backed up and safe, but everything else is gone. Luckily my stepmom got a new laptop and so donated her old one to Jeff, which is what we're using right now while Angus re-builds our home PC. But I have limited access to mails and things until we get our home PC working, so bear with me. I'm not ignoring you. I'm simply waiting until Angus stops tearing his hair out in frustration and gets the PC to cooperate with him.

That, and I can't bore you to tears with the video of Nora crawling (you know, because you've never seen a baby crawl or anything). The clip is in .mts format and none of our PCs are in shape to download Pinnacle and so I'll upload the clip at some other point, inevitably when the crawling ship has sailed.

And now I have to go, as Nora is trying to break new milestones and learn the Gettysburg Address today. She's doing well, although she really needs to stop eating the paper.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:34 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
Post contains 810 words, total size 4 kb.

1 genius, simply genius ah mother's pride

Posted by: Mei at September 01, 2008 09:39 AM (trxT5)

2 Mine could only crawl backwards at first and he used to get himself wedged under the dining chairs. He was very much older than Nora when he started so I suppose I had it easy.

Posted by: Caroline M at September 01, 2008 09:54 AM (x3QDi)

3 Dont speak too loudly of this crawling thing or ALL the other babies will be doing it. genius N ... she is a superstar and so is her bruv. You must be SO EXICITED ... am so happy to hear of this wonderful milestone!! M )

Posted by: moira at September 01, 2008 11:09 AM (UGBIN)

4 Congrats to Nora!

Posted by: D at September 01, 2008 11:15 AM (bRx8a)

5 So fun! And you know, stinking annoying. My word they are into eveything, stuff you'd never think of. "Nathan, leave the garbage bin be, NATHAN there is nothing fun in there... Honey,,,," Take bin away, Boohooing insues. Oh, what joy. I do love to see him coming though, those chubby wrists and that beaming smile!

Posted by: Christina at September 01, 2008 12:13 PM (COFGd)

6 Mobility has its perks and pitfalls. G has taken to putting things into the garbage. Yesterday I found one of his shoes in there and two days ago a cellphone. The word 'no' envokes meltdown in our home and it has come back to bite me in the ass. G has now learned to shake his head 'no' and feels he has to do it all the time to show us he can say it too.

Posted by: Anita at September 01, 2008 12:48 PM (iiFNe)

7 Isn't it funny how they decide to spontaneously decide to do these things? P showed no interest in crawling, then one day, took off and crawled the length of our front room. Weird little beasts. Well done Nora! I have just been looking at your house photos, being the good little stalker I am. I am so beyond jealous at your little corner with the chair and the skylights that I want to die from envy. Gorgeous.

Posted by: MsPrufrock at September 01, 2008 01:15 PM (37O6C)

8 The fun will really start when they discover the gas pedal and go skittering along like cockroaches at warp speed and leave you completely breathless in their wake going, "How can they crawl so FAST?" Have fun! (BTW, how do you italicize? You expressed a distaste for caps so I'd like to get away from those.)

Posted by: diamond dave at September 01, 2008 01:33 PM (yMNPa)

9 Crawling for us was really gradual. Backwards movement, sideways, rocking etc. Walking was like, you turned around and there he was, whistling a tune and strolling by as if he'd being doing it all along. And yeah, the sleep regression is temporary, but you do get a few more. I can't wait until the ones when he can talk. Because I look forward to the backtalk.

Posted by: statia at September 01, 2008 01:54 PM (5IjqH)

10 Well, I've seen babies crawl, but I've never seen Nora crawl! Bring it on!

Posted by: Jen at September 01, 2008 03:17 PM (/KD5W)

11 What a fun and exciting time. Except for the sleeping thing--glad it's temporary.

Posted by: sophie at September 01, 2008 03:31 PM (ZPzQL)

12 Woohoo! So many exciting things to deal with all at once! And oh! the betrayal of the word, 'NO'. How unfair! LOL Sleep regressions seem to happen with every new milestone reached, even if only briefly. It's almost possible to see their little wheels turning in their heads as they think about each thing they've learned to do and want to practice, practice, and practice some more! I hope the computer issues aren't too horrible; I know I'd be lost without mine and soon begin to feel like I am all alone in the world. Ha!

Posted by: Lisa at September 01, 2008 05:27 PM (hkgEp)

13 Wow! That's incredible. Caleb's 10th month was one of many accomplishments...all of which have me realizing how NOT baby proof my home is! (Is anybody's, really?) I wish he understood "no," though. He just smiles at me. Not spitefully, as if he's thinking "You don't really mean it." I don't know why, really. And MAN if it isn't hard to smile back!

Posted by: kellyangelo at September 02, 2008 01:14 AM (Ge4bw)

14 aaww. these milestones make me both happy and sad at the same time. I got tears when we had to lower Callie's crib, because it meant I could no longer lean over the crib and give her a kiss before I went to bed. so sad. But it's so much fun to watch her discover everything in the house - everyday objects are fascinating - to see the world through a babies eyes. Still no spontaneous sitting or crawling for Danny. I was hoping to have at least one by a year old, but that's only three weeks away. My little late bloomer. Sorry about the PC troubles.

Posted by: Carol at September 02, 2008 11:11 PM (iaV9O)

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