A quandry.

The babies have been attending their nursery since March. It's a nice nursery, a good nursery yes? Yes.

Will now be singing Fiddler On the Roof songs for the rest of the day.

Anyway. The nursery they attend is several villages away from where we live. It was the only nursery in the area we could get the babies into, it's got "Outstanding" on the Ofsted ratings, and apart from the odd biting incidents, the babies seem to get on well there. It's been a real learning curve, and it can get frustrating since most of the carers are quite young and not so experienced with babies, but in general the babies' have really thrived there. Nora is a real favorite amongst the staff and when Nick goes down for his naps Nora - who is more of a nighttime snoozer than her brother - gets carted around and visits the older kids' rooms.

The problem is that not only is this nursery quite a drive from the house, but it's expensive. Shockingly, eye wateringly expensive. Even with a company discount and childcare vouchers, we are hit very hard by the cost of nursery fees. Luckily I chucked my entire bonus in a savings account last year, and despite the row that move caused, I've been glad for it - it's helping fund the monthly childcare cost.

There is another nursery in the picture now. Closer to the house - on a nice day even within walking distance - we've been trying to get into it for ages. It got a "Good" rating from Ofsted, but it's run by the county council and is not a for-profit nursery like the one the twins currently attend. What's even more of a driver for us is the fact that the nursery bill will be slashed by £950 a month. £950. I don't know what your monthly incomes are like, but that £950 is a huge relief, and means the difference between being able to pay the nursery bill out of the paycheck instead of hitting up a savings accout that's getting so thin it's nearly anorexic.

We toured the new nursery on Thursday to make sure we were happy with it. We showed up during a juice break, and the kids were all gathered together and were singing and such. Everyone seemed happy. The nursery was clean, stocked with all kinds of arts, crafts, and toys, and the baby room was a happy cheerful place.

We agreed this is what's best for the family as a whole. The babies will be happy and safe, our nursery bill will be slashed dramatically, and the nursery staff were older and more experienced. We turned in our notice at the babies' current nursery.

And then.

Harriet is a young woman who is currently the babies' primary carer at their nursery. She absolutely adores the twins, and they respond well to her. She's level-headed, firm, and doesn't have a problem dealing with toddler tantrums.

Harriet pulled me aside on Friday and asked if we would consider hiring her on as a nanny, instead of putting the babies in a new nursery.

We didn't see that one coming.

We'd originally elected to not use a nanny as we felt they cost too much, and since we both work from home we worried we would interfere. Just the term "nanny" to me feels like some kind of posh realm that I have no right inhabiting. Nannies are for people who have their shit together, not someone like me who couldn't for the life of her find a rubber band this morning. Nannies are for the upper class. They're for people who jet off to Monte Carlo for the weekend and attend movie premieres with their boobs held in with special tape and get Botox every 6 weeks. They're not for people who prefer a nice bowl of macaroni and cheese while in their boxer shorts watching downloaded episodes of Brothers and Sisters.

But the more we thought about it, the more it sounded feasible. The idea that the babies were just a room away. Harriet said they'd still get socialization as she'd attend baby and toddler groups with them. She's really keen.

And now we're weighing up our options.

I'm in foreign territory here - I don't know how to employ someone. What happens if she wants a career change? Or if she gets pregnant - do we pay for maternity leave? If she decides not to nanny we're screwed - the new nursery the babies will attend is full until June 2010. We wouldn't be able to get a new place there, let alone two new places. What is a relationship like that like, employer to nanny? How are holidays handled? Taxes? Where'd I leave the remote?

Harriet is coming round to see the house later this week and talk with us. I think she'll be warned off just by seeing the state of the house, especially considering the fact that all of the bathrooms now have windows in them, and until the two new bathrooms are ready it means we're furtively peeing as fast as we can. Don't even get me started on the flashing that goes on when we shower now.

I'm maybe getting worried over nothing. It's most likely we'll continue with the plan of going to the new nursery, as it will likely come down to money. I wish it wasn't the case, and I'm not sacrificing the babies for the allmighty pound as all of the options we're weighing have been prioritized for their safety (although if I could find a pack of wolves who'd not only watch the babies for a fiver but would ensure the twins have access to all the bananas they want to eat, I'd consider it) and happiness, but the financial drain of the nursery they're in now is dramatic, and has to change.

Advice gratefully received here (unless you're going to tell me that I should take the babies out of nursery, quit my job, and stay at home. Don't go there.)

-H.

PS - Teresa was right. The "N" word is a word we all know, but one that I don't like being used here or anywhere else around me. If we can steer clear of that word, that would make me happy. That, and please don't use the word "ginormous". Ginormous is not a word and it pisses me off.

PPS - How did I handle that guy last week? I'll be honest - I wanted to blow up and let my inner sarcastic bitch run ragged over his ego. But I feel the industry is in flux, and that perhaps any day now I may wind up working for him (even though I won't. No really.) So all I did was smile sweetly in my voice, and reply "You think so? I've been told I'm many things, but vulnerable is not one of them. Now about the plans..." It made him stop talking to me in that soft voice of his, anyway.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:46 AM | Comments (32) | Add Comment
Post contains 1185 words, total size 7 kb.

1 Wow. 950 Pound Sterling is the difference between the fees? I really do not want to know how much is the total... It leaves me breathless. Lily And of course a nanny is not too posh for you. Never:-)

Posted by: Lily at June 23, 2008 10:05 AM (Y8m4l)

2 AS someone who has served as a nanny and a child care provider in my own home...I am going to advise you to just stick with the nursery. Having to rely solely on one person to care for your babies can be streddful. I am not sure how it works in England, but in the US, taxes are a pain. If she is sick, would you have a reliable "Plan B"? Feelings get hurt if/when certain expectations are not met...like paid leave, holiday bonuses and birthday gifts. I don't know you well, but I gather that you like your privacy...and with a nanny in your home, you won't have that. I know that chosing a caregiver for your sweet babies isn't easy...good luck!

Posted by: justdawn at June 23, 2008 10:21 AM (sVav0)

3 Hi Been there done both - on both sides, drop me a line. My reaction is stick to plan A, move to the other nursery, but the biggest red flag is that the lovely nursery worker actually approached you with the suggestion. Am happy to chat more with you and give you my reasons why more discreetly.

Posted by: Mia at June 23, 2008 10:45 AM (n+7qo)

4 you can never be too posh for a nanny but consider this, if you hired one you would lose your privacy particularly if you work from home - and yes the twins will be a huge distraction. if it were me, i'd stick to your original plan ...

Posted by: Mei at June 23, 2008 10:56 AM (/0JId)

5 you an never be too posh for a nanny but consider this - you would lose some privacy and the twin would be a huge distraction especially if you work from home. if it were me, i would stick to the original plan

Posted by: Mei at June 23, 2008 11:00 AM (/0JId)

6 sorry about that - thought it didn't publish my comment at first

Posted by: Mei at June 23, 2008 11:01 AM (/0JId)

7 I agree with Lily and dawn here. Stick to plan A. I was a aupaire when I was younger. Which led me into running my own daycare. It is hard, both of them. If money wasn't a question and your new addition had a in-law that she could stay in and you had a back up in case she was sick, needs/wants a vacation etc... I kind of wonder why she approached you too. It could be that she just simply would rather be an aupaire/nanny than work in a daycare center. I wish you well in your decision making. It is hard.

Posted by: justme at June 23, 2008 11:05 AM (m9SE6)

8 Wow, well daycare really costs a fortune doesn't it!? Um I tend to agree with the suggestions already made, sticking with plan A. It does seem like in this situation you might be better served by keeping them in daycare. On the subject of nannies and 'poshness' though, I wanted to say a few things. I have been working as a nanny for the past two years, first in Chicago (for a Russian family) and now over here in Hungary. Neither family was/is incredibly rich and both have fraternal twins, so the job is twice what it would be for one baby. That means if they go with daycare, costs through the roof as you know. Anyway. In both cases the parents had/have other motivations for hiring someone in home to watch their kids. In Chicago they didn't want to put the kids in daycare at such a young age...oh man once kids go to daycare the illnesses just start coming, ear infections too. At my current job I was especially qualified because they want the kids to learn English (from a native speaker) beginning when they're babies. I live with the family and get room and board in addition to my pay. Not a large amount but my reasons for coming here were also many beyond simply taking this job. The point I am trying to make here is simply that in certain situations having a nanny is achievable and makes sense regardless of income or 'life put-togetherness'. Au pairs and nannies do the work they do for many reasons and I know some who use it as an opportunity to see new places and live abroad. I know my reasons are not single faceted. I think day care has its place as well and I think Nick and Nora will not be any worse off for going at such a young age. I just wanted to give my thoughts on some of what you mentioned in your post. Good luck with this whole situation and decision making.

Posted by: Liz at June 23, 2008 11:49 AM (ztng6)

9 I would also stick to plan A. She would be to close to you and you would watch every move she'd make with the babies. Be sure that this would draft you away from work, which is the main idea behind giving babies to a nursery, being free to work. And be sure, that in about a year and a half the babies might get bored with one person, they will be fascinated by elder kids and learn a lot from them. I had a "Tagesmutter" for my little boy at the end of the eightees for a year, a woman who nursed some kids in her own home. That was nice for a while, but you never find a person who totally agrees with your concepts of education, food, philosophy etc.. So, I think it is better to chose a public institution, also because of control what's going on there. Paula

Posted by: Paula at June 23, 2008 12:24 PM (Mup6Y)

10 We had a nanny for about 6 mos. when my son was small. The only thing I can tell you is to draw up a contract and cover all those things you mentioned in your post (pregnancy, vacation, etc.) and try to find an alternate, so that when she is sick you are not left in the lurch.

Posted by: kenju at June 23, 2008 12:49 PM (W0S5c)

11 hmmm...I would have to say that I enjoy my nanny. I work solely from home, minus one day a week going into the office. I have never felt like my privacy has been breached nor that I could not get my work done. It is like anything else in life. While the nanny is here I work..when the nanny is gone I..well I still work haha. It really is about how comfortable you feel about having a nanny. I got lucky and loved my first one. She has been here since my daughter was 3 months old. She is now one. If you go with the nanny idea...have a contract drawn up that says what vacation days she is allowed what to do if she is sick, how much she is getting paid, and other important information that way neither one of you will be confused. Can't imagine what you pay for nursery...wow!! Also just to throw this in I Love your blog. I have been a loyal reader for almost 3 years now. I leave a post occasionally!!! Thanks for letting us into your life!

Posted by: Melissa at June 23, 2008 12:50 PM (zAXwT)

12 Stick with a nursery. Especially since you work at home, but even if you didn't, as others said, I wouldn't want to have to depend on one person for my child care. With a nursery, there's always coverage when you need it. If you decide to go the nanny route, you'll have to stick with it even if this particular nanny doesn't work out. I doubt you'll continue to get propositioned out of the blue by nannies and finding future replacements won't be that easy. At a center, they have their socialization and activities all in one safe environment. This woman would not only be in your home, she'd be taking off with your babies to babies and toddlers groups? With other nannies?

Posted by: paula at June 23, 2008 12:55 PM (sNZxg)

13 The decision isn't so much nanny vs nursery as Harriet vs nursery. You don't know her qualifications, work history or sickness record, if you wanted a nanny there might be others out there way better suited to you than she is. You look to have enough to worry about in your life just now without wondering whether she'll be sick on the morning of the big meeting and leave you in the lurch. Nursery is the easier option, it's always there and managed by someone else. It's also not in your living room when you fancy a quickie at lunchtime.

Posted by: Caroline M at June 23, 2008 01:28 PM (x3QDi)

14 I have to say I have not regretted taking my daughter out of nursery and hiring a nanny instead. Nursery was great and was convenient when it was just the one but not when there were two. Also if I am honest I think my youngest does better with the nanny than his sister did at the same age at nursery. Oh and I am a cereal in front of Brothers & Sisters kind of girl. Hiring a nanny is pretty easy. Most of the nanny agencies have draft contracts on their websites which are fine. You will need to deal with holiday pay, sick pay and maternity pay too if she gets pregnant. Tax is a bore if you do it yourself (I do) but there are plenty of companies who will do it for you for about £250 per annum. I know lots of people who do cash in hand but I think that is very unfair as the nannies lose out on NI contributions, maternity, sick and holiday pay as well as being against the law (says the lawyer and govt employee). Going rate for a nanny in north London is betwen £9 and £11 per hour net (so add another 33%ish to get gross - I have a website that works it out for you). This is usually quite a bit more than they get at a nursery where it is usually minimum wage. If your nanny is Ofsted registered you can use the childcare vouchers - the process is not too difficult if they have experience. It is a pain if the nanny gets sick or always wants hols when you don't (the usual deal is you choose 2 weeks she chooses 2 weeks) but I have only had to use emergency childcare at a local nursery once in the last year when either one of us couldn't stay home. I have a web link for a co that does that with some of the big chain nurseries - they got me a place for 9 am at 8 am the same day. There is also the benefit that she comes in when they are sick and cannot go to the nursery As you are in a village there is also the added question about whether you are happy for the nanny to drive them around. Also endless music/play groups have their own costs. You will probably aslo when they are 2.5 to 3 wanyt to put them in a nursery school (as opposed to daycare)/ Montesssori environment for a few hours a week - again more costs. Personally I would not be too concerned that she approached you. A lot of the nursery staff I knew intended to become nannies and used the nursery environment to get experience and qualifications before changing tack. Would you employ a school leaver as a nanny - no probably not; but a 24 year old with 4-5 years nursery experience - maybe. So in your shoes I would say yes to the new local nursery and interview her at the same time. You will soon know when you have her in your house whether she is right. I interviewed loads and it was obvious when I found the one.

Posted by: Betty M at June 23, 2008 01:48 PM (q0m9f)

15 This is just my two cents...I'm a caregiver, or was until my current condition . I've had several children that I adored leave my center and although I missed them, I had a duty to the other children in my care. I would never of just ran off to nanny a child. I fear that she may change her mind quickly again if another opportunity arrises and you'll be stuck. I wonder where her loyalities lye. I would address this with her. Find out why she is so eager to leave her current job. Ask her everything that comes to mind. This is a hard choice to make because if she doesn't work out, if she doesn't like being a nanny (i've been one, sometimes it's not easy ) you're going to be out of care for your little ones. I wish you the best. This can't be an easy decision.

Posted by: Tina at June 23, 2008 01:56 PM (iZffx)

16 Ah, I was going to type what betty typed, but she's already done it so I don't have to. Www.nannytax.co.uk will do all the taxes etc for you. And you can work through the ofsted registration, it's a pain but it's not too hard, and while she's waiting to get registered, your childcare vouchers can just sit in your account waiting, then you use them all up once she's got her registration number. Penny Leach, my personal child care guru, says that children do better with a single stable primary caregiver for the first 2 years, after that they do better in social environments. So nanny it is, as far as I'm concerned. Hope you can make it work. Oh and btw I would not spend a lot of time interviewing nannies. If you know harriet, and trust her, then go with her - interviewing nannies is terribly hard and it's very hard to know what you're looking for at an interview. go with your gut.

Posted by: thalia at June 23, 2008 01:58 PM (74rI5)

17 If you choose the nearby daycare center and don't like it, you could call the nanny and see if she's still available. But if you choose the nanny, you lose the option to go to the nearby daycare center if you don't like the nanny. You could even tell the "nanny" you're going to try the nearby daycare center due to cost, but let her know you'd like to employ her if that doesn't work out after a month or two. I think the idea of a nanny (if she's affordable and stable) is superior to a day care center. But I think I'd go with the day care center for assured stability. You never know if the nanny will get married (or divorced), have her own kids, go to college, or decide she just doesn't want to nanny anymore. If anything caused her to leave, you'd be up the creek.

Posted by: Solomon at June 23, 2008 02:15 PM (x+GoF)

18 I did daycare out of my home for quite a few years, and worked for the county in daycare before that. There are advantages/disadvantages to both (not the quality of care, just cost, availability, stuff like that), but alas, that doesn't help you one bit. As far as her approaching you-I don't see a problem with that. If she adores the twins and would like to care for them and them alone, that is wonderful. Then again, I know nothing about being a nanny or employing one. I would suppose after she comes over and more details are discussed your decision will be clearer. Either one sounds brilliant, and the extra savings is in a word-wow. I wish I could find me some wolves to care for the kids. Sounds more like my kind of people.

Posted by: Teresa at June 23, 2008 02:42 PM (DADoo)

19 That's a tough call. I'd probably try the cheaper nursery first. If you decide later on that a private nanny is the way to go, you still have that option. And I'd wonder why Harriet was trying to poach clients rather than getting listed with an agency. I mean, I know she loves Nick and Nora but something about that makes me raise my eyebrow. And holy crap, with the currency exchange, that price difference is almost $2000 per month for me. That's more than our mortgage payment. Ouch. Can't imagine what the total is if that's just the difference in cost.

Posted by: donna at June 23, 2008 02:59 PM (0HRnQ)

20 Daycare pros and cons pro stability, set expectations, fees and no sick days, (they always have other employees), close to home cons kids catch more colds etc, other kids issues (biting ex.) Nanny pros and cons pro, one on one, less illness, in home care, can install nannycam and watch all day cons, no back up, paperwork, her expectations, vs your expectations, intrusion and distraction in home. It really is 6 of one, a half dozen of another isn't it? You could always just stay home, (LOL running away now!)

Posted by: Donna at June 23, 2008 05:20 PM (fAYQ9)

21 As a woman who loves babies, I can totally see why Harriet wants to stay with your kids if she has fallen in love with them half as much as your blog readers have. On the flip side, although most likely 100% innocent, it kind of creeps me out, too. That doesn't mean I wouldn't do it, but I would be very observant and that would probably make me wish that I had just moved to the new nursery. Either way, 950 a month is an incredible savings and definitely a good enough reason to move the babies. Babies are flexible and love anyone that loves them, they will be fine.

Posted by: Melissa at June 23, 2008 07:29 PM (+Wg/4)

22 Nannying is not something I can speak on intelligently. But if you do your research, talk to her, check her background to make sure she isn't an axe murderer, etc. then it may be worth your while, especially if it eases the strain on the finances. And you never know what kind of child care contacts she may have that could help you in the future. But, as others here have stated, keep in mind that it may cut into your privacy. If you look at all options with your eyes open, you won't go wrong.

Posted by: diamond dave at June 23, 2008 07:32 PM (8WUD9)

23 In theory I like the nanny idea, but I know SO MANY people who have had nannies they love quit for one reason or another, and then they are really screwed. If the nanny leaves and the twins end up back in nursery, it could be difficult because they won't be used to the group environment anymore. I'm sure you will have a better idea after you speak with her more about it. I wish you luck, it's a hard decision!

Posted by: sarah at June 23, 2008 07:44 PM (2hQM0)

24 wolves for nannies is Extream Crunchy Granola!!! and totally 'EF-ING-ginormously'cool. haha.

Posted by: j.m at June 23, 2008 07:48 PM (ygieo)

25 Explore your options. Wow, that's really helpful, isn't it? I have a friend who does professional nannying and just from knowing her, I'd say that Harriet may want to get into nannying but used the nursery as a stepping-stone. Aside from that, I know nothing about the issue. I think the idea of "nanny plus backup" is a good bet, as is new nursery (what is it with the waiting lists? You'd think there'd be more daycares to fill the need is the wait times are that bad.)

Posted by: B. Durbin at June 23, 2008 09:43 PM (tie24)

26 As a former nanny who helped raise 7 kids including quads, I say get a nanny. Make sure you have a detailed contract, she will get holidays and sick days along with taxes taken out, ect... along with your expectations of her duties. I'd go with an agency tough. Have Harriet join one and let them to the leg work then request an interview with her. Also interview others to get an idea of her qualities.

Posted by: kenna at June 23, 2008 10:19 PM (v1czQ)

27 Hi Helen, I've read your blog for a while now but not sure I've ever commented. I have been a professional nanny for 4+ years now. It has been great. The only problem I have personally run into is parents putting their kids into a nursery and me being all of the sudden out of job, which is actually the opposite of what you're worried about. I just wanted to mention that nannying is becoming more and more common, and that none of the families I ever worked for where the kind of people that didn't have to look high & low to find a rubber band sometimes. They were all just normal people.

Posted by: Melanie at June 24, 2008 12:52 AM (12hcq)

28 Stick with the daycare. They don't call in sick. They don't require withholding and appropriate tax reporting. They don't change their mind and realize they really didn't want to be a nanny after all. And, the kids will get tons of socialization. Move to the nursery closer to your home - save the $$ for the teen years and college. You'll be glad you did. The house looks fab, by the way. Hugs, Mindy in Tracy, CA

Posted by: MindyMax at June 24, 2008 01:47 AM (/BQbI)

29 I once nannied for a summer...though because I was a lowly teen, it was referred to as "mothers helper," the difference being that the overbearing creature I was employed by used every opportunity to tell me what I was doing wrong (such as "not allowing him to explore his sensory capabilities via smashing peas into the wall" or "giving him a time-out for biting after only two warnings"). That, and being nanny-cammed. Anyway. I say go for the nursery. The more socialization with other tots, the better. Plus, babies have an uncanny ability while in the presence of nannies to realize "Hey, wait a minute. Mom's in the house. I don't need to pay attention to this wannabe. I need to scream as loudly as possible until Mom can't ignore me!"

Posted by: D at June 24, 2008 03:12 AM (O98kd)

30 I once read that daycare is awfully stressful for little kids. When they are that young, they don't need the noise, crowd and shared viruses! All of my friends who sent their kids to daycare ended up sick all winter because the children would pass on whatever they had caught to the parents (read http://brooklyngirl.typepad.com/brooklyngirl/ !) I have a nanny and I am really happy about my choice. My son is very relaxed, gets one on one attention, is never sick. I used to work one day a week from home and it was bliss to see him. It all depends on you really, but this gives you the opportunity to watch them grow (and they change so much at this age!). And the back-up is not REALLY a deal breaker (you or Angus can be the back up, and you must have friends and/or family who might help). Of course, there is the associated cost, and my friends who use daycare spend twice less than I do...

Posted by: marie baguette at June 24, 2008 03:13 AM (BNqmF)

31 One of our department nurses has two kids recently went the nanny route. Has been thrilled. Youngest was always sick and other problems. She was aware of the potential problems mentioned by many here. Decided nanny route worth the potentil downside. My take from afar is N&N will do fine either way. Money difference seems hard to turn down.

Posted by: Charles at June 25, 2008 01:20 AM (maQJG)

32 about the "socialization"? how social are kids at that age? Honestly? :-) I keep having playdates and the kids are totally uninterested -- all they want is the toy the other kid is playing with, and that's it! Enjoy your night out in London!

Posted by: marie baguette at June 26, 2008 02:16 AM (BNqmF)

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It's my five year anniversary of blogging today.

It will be spent researching radiators, stripping woodchip paper, taking care of babies, and installing kitchen cabinets.

It will also be spent celebrating Father's Day - Angus' first as a father of four. He enjoyed a Father's Day card presented by the babies (one corner slightly chewed), a step-up ladder, and a vintage 1960's VC-10 advert. He's also enjoying the bad baby moods I enjoyed on Mother's Day. At least the babies are fair (and hopefully the bad moods will pass.) Me, I gifted him with a morning shag. He can't say I never gave him anything, right?

Happy Father's Day to the dads out there.

And thanks for being here all this time.

-H.

UPDATED: Both babies gave Angus another gift - this morning both babies started rolling over, from back to front and back again.

And then ten minutes ago, Nora decided the time had come to sit up alone.

So she did.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:32 AM | Comments (30) | Add Comment
Post contains 175 words, total size 1 kb.

1 HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! Congratulations on an amazing and wonderful milestone! Hope A has a wonderful fathers day ... is this your first as a Mommy? M x

Posted by: Moira at June 15, 2008 07:39 AM (UGBIN)

2 woo hoo 5 years!

Posted by: Mei at June 15, 2008 11:08 AM (aqISJ)

3 Happy Father's Day to Angus, may he not deal too much with cranky babies today! And happy five year blogging anniversary to you. I'll toss back a glass of, uh, milk for you. And I'll celebrate my three week anniversary of blogging and the fact that I haven't totally run out of ideas yet.

Posted by: diamond dave at June 15, 2008 11:11 AM (8sS6+)

4 Wow - I've begun and stopped and restarted a whole slew and never made it past a year on any of them, so I'm in awe! Congrats, and thank you for sharing it all with us, your humble readers. Happy Father's Day to Angus and Rolling/Sitting Day to the babies!

Posted by: D at June 15, 2008 01:30 PM (O98kd)

5 Happy Fathers day to Angus!

Posted by: justme at June 15, 2008 02:30 PM (m9SE6)

6 Happy anniversary H. Here's to many more blogging years. Happy Fathers Day to Angus too.

Posted by: Bee Cee at June 15, 2008 03:01 PM (hsNY6)

7 Happy Blogiversary! Happy Father's Day to Angus! And oh my god! Nora rolled over and sat up on the same day??

Posted by: donna at June 15, 2008 03:03 PM (Yg10E)

8 Happy Father's Day A! And that Nora, what an over-achiever.

Posted by: Teresa at June 15, 2008 03:07 PM (FpdBM)

9 Oh yeah, Happy 5 to you too! Holy shit, I can't believe it has been five years....so much has happened in that time.

Posted by: Teresa at June 15, 2008 03:08 PM (FpdBM)

10 YAY NORA. Wow, sitting up and rolling over on the same day? Someone's determined.

Posted by: Meredith at June 15, 2008 03:22 PM (04C4w)

11 That's quite a lot of milestones for one day! Happy five years! Happy Father's Day to Angus! And happy rolling over/sitting up to the twins!

Posted by: Jen at June 15, 2008 03:32 PM (/KD5W)

12 Happy 5th!

Posted by: Tina at June 15, 2008 04:19 PM (c6Xpp)

13 Wow. That is an amazing amount of stuff to celebrate for one day. Congrats to everyone at your house and to you for typing away for the past five years. I thank you.

Posted by: Melissia at June 15, 2008 05:41 PM (mJWbf)

14 happy blogiversary - quite an achievement. And go Nora!

Posted by: Betty M at June 15, 2008 07:38 PM (K9lHA)

15 Go babies! Happy 5 years Helen!

Posted by: Anita at June 15, 2008 08:29 PM (bF3k2)

16 Such a big day!! Happy Father's Day, Angus. Congrats munchkins and Nora!!! And to you, Helen, on five years! YAY!!!!

Posted by: Lauren at June 15, 2008 08:51 PM (iUfJz)

17 Way to go babies! Way to activate those wonder twin powers. Happy father's day to Angus. And thank you for five wonderful years.

Posted by: Lisa at June 16, 2008 12:10 AM (EcHBm)

18 What a day! Yay babies! Happy Father's Day A!

Posted by: caltechgirl at June 16, 2008 06:49 AM (0Uu6p)

19 And now that they're mobile, life has just changed again for you. 5 years? Somehow I thought it was longer. Seems like you've always been here. Here's to many more!

Posted by: ~Easy at June 16, 2008 11:54 AM (XD24A)

20 Happy Father's Day, Angus! And, happy blogiversary to you, H! And those babies...what a way to celebrate such a special day!

Posted by: Amanda at June 16, 2008 01:03 PM (ay+rD)

21 Yaay nora. Very impressive achievement. Crawling next!

Posted by: thalia at June 16, 2008 01:44 PM (T4OH8)

22 Congrats to the whole family! Your life is about to change again, but in a fun way since the babes can really play now. Enjoy!

Posted by: Michele at June 16, 2008 02:00 PM (vIlZl)

23 Wow! And also oh no! They're growing up, next they'll be driving, and in college! Savor all the moments, and she is so cute, I want to sniff her head. Baby heads, and puppy breath. The two best smells in the world. And happy father's day!

Posted by: Donna at June 16, 2008 02:19 PM (K3ONQ)

24 Congratulations, Helen. I think we should throw an e-party on your tenth blogging anniversary. I'll bring the virtual cake, but someone else is on the hook for the beer and wine.

Posted by: physics geek at June 16, 2008 06:39 PM (MT22W)

25 Go babies! But also, go you. 5 years is a long time.

Posted by: Mel at June 16, 2008 06:57 PM (nmi9v)

26 yay for nora! Your DH had a better father's day than mine - he didn't get that morning gift that you gave. and happy 5 year anniversary!

Posted by: Carol at June 16, 2008 08:22 PM (iaV9O)

27 Happy Father's Day to Angus, Happy Blogaversary to you ... and sounds like your kids have decided to be overacheivers!!

Posted by: Caba at June 17, 2008 12:51 AM (J5JLP)

28 Belated happy blogiversary, happy belated father's day, Beloved, and wow! Do your babies know how to par-tay or what!? xoxo

Posted by: Margi at June 17, 2008 08:12 AM (EsgZD)

29 Congratulations on the 5 year anniversary; thanks for the 'Happy Father's Day'; and EXCELLENT that Nora is sitting up on her own. Kids just keep getting funner (or more fun).

Posted by: Solomon at June 17, 2008 12:01 PM (al5Ou)

30 YAY!

Posted by: sue at June 17, 2008 04:22 PM (WbfZD)

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Here's a strange thing - on Sunday I will have been blogging at this site for five years.

Five.

That seems like a long time, doesn't it? Five years. Kinda' significant, don't you think?

I remember where I was when I created this blog on the 15th of June 2003 - I was sat at my desk at Company X on the outskirts of Stockholm. A lot of people were away on holiday and I didn't have much to do. I had toyed with the idea of blogging for a while and there, on the web, was Blogger. I logged in. I created my blog. I sat there thinking of what to name it - I wanted it to be about Any Woman, about someone you might pass on the street but who is much more than just a passer-by. I came up with the name Everyday Stranger, and to this day I'm not quite sure how I got the name. I am lucky in that I still really like the moniker, I still think it fits.

When I started blogging I was at a crossroads. I was living and working in Sweden but not feeling very Swedish. My marriage was foundering. I had two failed IVF cycles and one miscarriage behind me. I had tried to top myself 6 months prior to starting this blog, which earned me an overnighter in a psych ward that nearly pushed me over the edge, two months off work in the dark of winter, and movement to a project so much less stressful than what I had been doing that I nearly went comatose. Company X were laying off tens of thousands of people. My ex wanted us to move to China.

Seems so long ago, doesn't it? 2003. Five years. In those five years (and not in chronological order) I've:

- Divorced
- Gotten engaged
- Moved to England
- Got laid off
- Got hired
- Delivered a project that is a CV's wet dream
- Won awards
- Fought my bosses
- Moved house (3 times)
- Bought a house
- Lost a dog
- Got a dog
- Lost Mumin
- Got stepkids
- Had 3 IVF cycles
- 1 of which worked
- Had twins
- Travelled lots
- Made up with my Dad and Stepmom
- Both of whom I love a lot
- Got a driving license
- Got Postnatal Depression
- Finally got the psychotherapy I needed and wanted, and it saved me
- Angus
- Then there's Angus
- There's always been Angus though, as long as I can remember

Five years. And the thing is, I've been blogging more or less (less these days) five days a week for five years. I have 1239 blog entries, and once I push publish that'll go up to 1240. I tried to figure out how much I've written before - I gave up after a while as it was eating my hard drive. Each month came to about 35-40 pages of writing. Brevity clearly is not my thing. Times sixty (bear with me here, math is not my strong point) that equates to 2,400 pages of writing.

That's several books right there. Boring, self-centered, it's-all-about-me books, but still. Books.

Can I tell you how great my sense of pride is when I think that I have written so much? I usually can't even finish a thought, let alone so much writing. I feel really good about not just achieving, but on over-shooting that mark by a long way. It's stupid really - it's not like I've cured cancer or anything, I've just been keeping a daily journal. But I keep going at this, I enjoy it, I get so much from it. 2,400 pages. Five years, full of my failures, my fears, my joys, my hopes, and my hormones.

It's a funny thing, really. I think a lot of people around in the early days are gone now. I started getting readers quite quickly, a lot of whom no longer blog or no longer stop by. I think that's the way of things, perhaps - we grow away, although luckily some people grow together. I have people who come by here who read through all of the archives, and when I hear that I'm so humbled, I find that staggering, not least of which because the blogging platform I'm on didn't handle some changes well and there are weird little symbols littered throughout some of my archived posts.

Five years.

Now that's a thing.

-H.

PS - Still in pox incubation period. No sign yet. I do know that it's better to have chicken pox as a youngster, I just really need a break from all the illnesses right now. We've had such a long spate of them that I'm considering putting the babies in a bubble. Surely they can pipe CBeebies and mango puree into a bubble?

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:51 AM | Comments (36) | Add Comment
Post contains 840 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Congrats, my love. You HAVE accomplished so much...and you will continue to do so. I am VERY proud of you!!

Posted by: Lauren at June 09, 2008 10:11 AM (iUfJz)

2 I'm one who found your blog, what at least 2 years ago? and read through all the archives. You have a real knack for writing and just love that you don't fail us, we get to read and live along with your life. You are an amazing person, thanks for blogging!

Posted by: Judi at June 09, 2008 12:09 PM (1Y+4Z)

3 Happy Blog Birthday!

Posted by: kellyangelo at June 09, 2008 12:15 PM (DQj7g)

4 I enjoyed munching through your archives like some brave little book worm. It's amazing how your writing changed over these five years, and how your life changed, too. It's not just some modern kind of diary, it's an protocol of growth. Congrats, Lily

Posted by: Lily at June 09, 2008 12:17 PM (Y8m4l)

5 5 years, wow. Such a big acheivement. And I think you deserve a few months of sick free time. Just a small break.

Posted by: Veronica at June 09, 2008 12:24 PM (I/tDQ)

6 Wow, time does go by fast. I think you had been blogging for a few months before I came across your blog. Boy lots of changes in both our lives lol. Congratulations and keep blogging!!!! I look forward to reading you every morning with my coffee.

Posted by: justme at June 09, 2008 12:42 PM (m9SE6)

7 Geez 5 years... I think I started reading in 2004/05. Still here and reading/flickr viewing almost everyday - just not commenting much due to DIY nightmares, destination wedding planning and applying for new job. x

Posted by: Lee at June 09, 2008 12:51 PM (lN4Rc)

8 Five years. Really. Wow. Time sure does fly. I have been reading your site for nearly that long, and when I think of all the changes that have taken place in my own life in that time... I remember why I quit writing about it. :-p Haha! Happy Blog birthday to you. I'm glad you're still here, still writing. I will keep reading as long as you keep hitting the publish button.

Posted by: Lisa at June 09, 2008 01:35 PM (EcHBm)

9 Congratulations!! I've enjoyed hanging around and commenting for 3 or 4 years, even if we don't always see eye to eye. I hope you get a break from the illnesses.

Posted by: Solomon at June 09, 2008 01:36 PM (x+GoF)

10 a real accomplishment...and good for you for giving yourself credit. We have home movies of our chicken pox - all three kids, my brother and I dancing around, displaying our poxy parts for the camera. My baby sister, maybe a year old, splooshing her chubby self around in a basin of whatever they soaked us in. I'm sure we whined and complained plenty, but take heart - we didn't look to be suffering too much when the camera was rolling - so perhaps if the twins get it, it will be mild.

Posted by: Suze at June 09, 2008 01:48 PM (+kr97)

11 My dog has it been that long, I remember when you first started out, or shortly after. I read for years before I finally started commenting. Time Flies and indeed you have had many changes, I am soo proud of you!

Posted by: Cheryl at June 09, 2008 02:06 PM (082BT)

12 Happy blog birthday! I can't believe it's been five years. I've been reading almost that long, since around Octoberish 2003. You've become a part of my routine, I look forward to tea and Helen in the morning. I think Everyday Stranger is a perfect name. I look forward to the next 2,400 pages!

Posted by: Laura at June 09, 2008 02:23 PM (hwoG6)

13 Wow...five years? Congratulations! I only found you about three years ago when I started blogging, but I was one who went back to the beginning because I wanted to know who this Helen person was. I must say I'm so glad I did! You've grown and changed and been through so much... and yet, at the core? You're still just Helen. You are amazing and inspiring and yes, just like everyone of us and that makes you so very real. We love you. Don't ever stop the writing. Someday I hope to be reading one or two or five of those published works...!

Posted by: sue at June 09, 2008 02:50 PM (WbfZD)

14 You should print it all out, and then continue to print it out like once a year, and put it in a safety deposit box to leave for the babes once you are gone. Trust me on this, it will be the best and greatest gift that you could ever give them, and their children, and their children's children. Wouldn't you love to read about one of your great grandparents thoughts? And activities, highs and lows? I'd say to burn it to cd, and you could do that too, but what if they do away with the program you used or something, and it's not retrievable in 90 or 100 years? Also, if the babies do get the pox, get a sock, or bag, fill it with oatmeal, and let the water run through it in the bath, and let them soak in it. Stops the itching, makes them feel so much better, and if they like the water, keeps them entertained and less cranky.

Posted by: Donna at June 09, 2008 03:07 PM (K3ONQ)

15 I started blogging in October 2003 but I think I started reading you in 2004. What I can't remember at all is how I found you or did you find me or...? Ack, I don't remember! Do you? Probably not. Kudos on your blogoversary!

Posted by: The other Amber at June 09, 2008 03:11 PM (zQE5D)

16 It seems amazing to me that it CAN have been that long, you know? But then I look at the archives and realize that it can't have been any less. Congratulations on quite a milestone. And thanks for letting the rest of us continue to peer through the keyhole a bit every day.

Posted by: caltechgirl at June 09, 2008 04:26 PM (IfXtw)

17 I found you quite early in my blogging obsession and I have no intention of ever quitting you. Congrats on the milestone!

Posted by: kenju at June 09, 2008 04:29 PM (yvCMb)

18 I found your blog probably about a year ago after finding your 365 project on Flickr. It has always been a great joy to read your blog. All of the ups and downs are always written in such a way to make me feel as if I wish I knew you in real life. You have so much humor and feeling and your writing is always wonderful. Thank you for sharing your life with us. Christopher P.S. For the record, I don't read blogs. Never have, probably never will, but somehow, you're writing keeps me coming back and checking for new content. Thank you and congratulations on five years.

Posted by: Mr.Thomas at June 09, 2008 04:45 PM (bB3uL)

19 I've been reading you for 5 years now. Remember Plain Layne?

Posted by: plumpernickel at June 09, 2008 05:35 PM (iooYW)

20 I have been reading since the early days and don't intend to give up soon. Weird, reading that made me think of all the things that have happened to me in the last five years....it's good though, the change, moving on. I hope you can look back on your journey with satisfaction and pride. I know i look forward to reading your next five years, i hope you look forward to writing them! abs x

Posted by: abs at June 09, 2008 07:48 PM (+82GZ)

21 Your writing is a lot of things, hon, but boring is never one of them.

Posted by: amy t. at June 09, 2008 08:12 PM (3dOTd)

22 It's been about 4 years since I started reading your blog, I originally found it through Jim's blog. I was intrigued (and tickled) by some of your comments, and I found on your blog a writing style that I envy to this day. Yes, I have flashes of inspiration but not as consistently as I'd like. And I doubt I'd ever approach the consistency of your writings. I've heard you say your blog became your therapy. In a ways, mine kinda is too. I haven't tried anything as spectacular as offing myself, but I did have a personal incident a couple of months ago that dropped my already-low self esteem to rock bottom (I may blog on it in the near future. Stay tuned.) and I decided that taking up blogging might help me pick it back up. I've always seemed to communicate better through writing than speaking, anyway. And you're probably tired of hearing me say this, but you are certainly an inspiration. And not just to me. Read your comments, you've inspired a lot of people with their everyday lives. So blog away.

Posted by: diamond dave at June 09, 2008 08:15 PM (EKSJf)

23 I've been reading for going on 3 years and am still inspired by your writing. Happy 5 years!

Posted by: water sign at June 09, 2008 08:52 PM (gRbZd)

24 I have been here with you for five years. It is amzzing how fast it passed by. Thank you for sharing your life! Karen

Posted by: Karen at June 09, 2008 09:02 PM (jtWJ9)

25 I think I started reading just after you moved to England - and I've read through the archives too! I'm guessing I speak for many when I say we feel privileged to have you share your thoughts with us, and to be partners (in the smallest of ways!) on your life journey.

Posted by: lori at June 09, 2008 10:20 PM (DdboI)

26 I hardly ever comment, but I love your blog. I've read all the archives! I think I got here by way of the Other Amber, but I can't remember. I just know that your writing is something that catches my attention and holds it. It makes me think of things in a different way. It has made me count my blessings and sometimes, envy yours. Congrats on your anniversary and your accomplishments, it's been quite a ride! HUGS! grace

Posted by: grace at June 09, 2008 10:28 PM (8OGiU)

27 I found Everyday Stranger through Twisted Ovaries which I found randomly through another blogroll about 2 years ago. I read through the archives at TO and your writing just struck me. I appreciate your honesty and enjoy reading, now, about your family. Write on Helen!

Posted by: Abe at June 09, 2008 10:43 PM (JxR0J)

28 I don't even remember who pointed me at your blog, only that it happened after you moved to England. It's one of the few that's stayed in my top tier for that whole time, and believe me, there's a lot of churn. It's been marvelous seeing you write happier as the time has gone by— you still have your doen days but it's the difference between winter and spring. If you like spring.

Posted by: B. Durbin at June 10, 2008 01:23 AM (tie24)

29 5 years on and still amazing. Keep it up girlie!

Posted by: Tommy at June 10, 2008 01:29 AM (Ffmbd)

30 2400 pages of thought provoking, laughter inducing, tear jerking, and incredibly entertaining words. I don't know exactly how long I have been reading (at least two years I think), but no matter how busy my day is I alwsys make it a point to read what you have written. I have been silent in comments recently- the second pregnancy didn't make it either- but I have recently started to come out of my blue mood and I think this is a great post emerge from my self-imposed isolation and on which to leave a comment. Thank you for wruting and giving voice to your thoughts and dreams.

Posted by: Jen-Again at June 10, 2008 03:07 AM (fpBSq)

31 ergh- wruting=writing. My cat was trying to distract me- goal achieved.

Posted by: Jen-Again at June 10, 2008 03:08 AM (fpBSq)

32 I followed the link from 'Sarcasmo's Corner' 3 or 4 yrs ago. It was when she posted a list of people she would like to have dinner with. I was intrigued. And decided to stay for dinner too. Saddly, Star, passed away(stepped through the door)last year but I still visit her blog - her mom keeps it going.

Posted by: j.m at June 10, 2008 05:25 AM (ygieo)

33 Damn. Have I been hanging around here that long? Sheesh! I would not call most of the last 5 years boring and self centered. More along the lines of fascinating and introspective.

Posted by: ~Easy at June 10, 2008 11:04 AM (XD24A)

34 I've probably been here for 2-3 years... I googled something random and you had a post which contained my search and it was love at first read. It happened to be an archive post and I have been coming back nearly everyday since then. I am onto my second blog which I don't post at as much as I should.

Posted by: Sk at June 10, 2008 03:28 PM (34LEC)

35 Five years, huh? Seems like yesterday that I wandered onto your blog. You've been on an amazing life journey lo these many years and I'm honored that you've felt like sharing it with us. I look forward to many more years of you. Anyway, here's an early Blog Birthday wish. I wish you all the best.

Posted by: physics geek at June 10, 2008 04:34 PM (MT22W)

36 I just wanted you to know, after 5 years I'm still an avid reader! I just can't comment much anymore since work seems to have categorized your comments link as "pornography"

Posted by: minawolf at June 11, 2008 12:40 AM (tj0Oq)

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We had a great day walking the Race for Life cure for cancer walk in Guildford. Nora and I finished the 5K walk in 53 minutes and 45 seconds. The weather was beautiful and warm, we enjoyed our day, and Nora got her photo taken and may be in the paper shortly.

One of us wound up carrying the other throughout the entire race. I won't name names.

Nora got her very first medal, too. Not bad for an 8 month old. Shame it went straight into her mouth.

Here's to trying to find a cure for cancer.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 05:10 PM | Comments (28) | Add Comment
Post contains 129 words, total size 1 kb.

1 I've spent the day getting ready for company, coming for dinner. It's 102* here right now, so I couldn't walk if I wanted to, but I'm glad you did!!

Posted by: kenju at June 07, 2008 06:27 PM (yvCMb)

2 Yay! Go you two! Really, though Helen, don't you think you're old enough to walk without making Nora carry you? Honestly.

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at June 07, 2008 06:51 PM (0Pi1o)

3 You definitely had a better and more productive day than me. Go you and Nora!

Posted by: Betty M at June 07, 2008 06:52 PM (RCE5E)

4 What an amazing way to spend the day! You are such a great Mom, Helen!

Posted by: Christina at June 07, 2008 06:52 PM (J6Yo6)

5 Good for you! You guys look great!

Posted by: The other Amber at June 07, 2008 06:54 PM (zQE5D)

6 Excellent, you both look very sportive and relaxed at the same time! I spent my day with riding on my bike to the market place very early, admiring all the beautiful vegetables, fruits and flowers. Later was fixing more colourful paintings in my living room than before, re-connecting my old record-player again and listening to some of my old records from the eightees: Nina Hagen, Joni Mitchell, Dire Straits, Annie Lennox...Ah that was inspiring! (And our 20-year-old son was amazed about the sounds he had never heard before, he digged some of them, dancing all the way from the bathroom through my living room into his own). Blogging, reading, working, ironing, everything was great fun with the music which was heard all over in our street through our open window. I had almost forgotten what benefit music is for my soul and mind. And later my husband and me drove along the river to a little lake, where I always go swimming, afterwards we had some french fries and ice cream near an old ferry landing-stage. The wheather is fine over here, too! A perfect Saturday! Have a good evening! Paula

Posted by: Paula at June 07, 2008 07:33 PM (2vpxe)

7 What a beautiful girl. Congrats.

Posted by: Judi at June 07, 2008 07:33 PM (1Y+4Z)

8 Good job!!

Posted by: Kat at June 07, 2008 07:42 PM (TZ+CE)

9 Awww, that's awesome that you two got to spend some time together doing something for an absolutely great cause. Such cute pictures, Grats on Nora's first medal! I have a feeling she may have many more to come.

Posted by: Liv at June 07, 2008 08:03 PM (tW3M9)

10 Oh my. That picture with the medal in her mouth is priceless.

Posted by: Donna at June 07, 2008 08:45 PM (e40JG)

11 You both look lovely, and I love Nora's pink nose! I was going to do the Race for Life with my sister-in-law, I lost my Dad in May last year and my Father-in-law in the September, both to cancer. I really don't know why we didn't get around to registering. Up here it was last Sunday. I passed everyone doing it and just seeing the people with the names of loved ones on their t-shirts was too much, I don't think I could have got through the day, maybe that's why we didn't do it. We will next year though, wearing the names with pride. You amaze me, I honestly don't know how you do everything that you do, I wish I could be more like you.

Posted by: Gill at June 07, 2008 10:14 PM (mLF5M)

12 Good for you! Looks like a great time. You look fantastic! I also love the closeup of Nora. Too cute.

Posted by: Lisa at June 07, 2008 10:56 PM (EcHBm)

13 OMG. I think my uterus just melted. What a cutie pie. And you're looking pretty damn good too! Congrats on doing such a great thing!

Posted by: Tracy at June 08, 2008 01:02 AM (eiiGE)

14 Wow! You look wonderful, and she is like a little person now isn't she?

Posted by: Donna at June 08, 2008 01:56 AM (3G38v)

15 OHHHH The cute! She is so adorable and looks more like you everyday!

Posted by: caltechgirl at June 08, 2008 03:10 AM (IfXtw)

16 Awww... I love it when you post pictures. You are both beautiful!

Posted by: Jamie at June 08, 2008 03:19 AM (29oGO)

17 Great job. I just lost my aunt last week to cancer and I applaud and thank anyone willing to raise money to help find a cure.

Posted by: Vicki at June 08, 2008 04:47 AM (5gSlw)

18 Wow! Well done both of you! And can I say how fantastic, slim and fit you look!! Girls rock!! )

Posted by: MOira at June 08, 2008 10:09 AM (UGBIN)

19 Well done Helen and Nora! I miss running races and reading your post today makes me want to lace up my shoes, pop Graeme in his jogging stroller and get going. But it's hot outside, Graeme is still sleeping and I'm in my pj's. Maybe another day. Shame on you for making Nora carry you 5km! Sounds to me like Childrens Services should be called!

Posted by: Anita at June 08, 2008 01:20 PM (ruq/q)

20 She is so beautiful!!

Posted by: Tina at June 08, 2008 01:22 PM (/obaJ)

21 Looks like she's really enjoying that medal...

Posted by: diamond dave at June 08, 2008 01:34 PM (EKSJf)

22 Here here! I'm walking in the Race this coming Friday, but spent today at the beach (first time this season!). You both look adorable!!!! Congrats!

Posted by: Teresa at June 08, 2008 02:32 PM (Zp7O3)

23 Good job! Thanks for doing your part. Mari Fish thanks you too... What happened to the pink sling? I was almost convinced I needed one for myself (and Tarun of course) for our race next month?! Why the change?Or am I confused and that's it in the pictures?

Posted by: Karie Bala at June 08, 2008 04:54 PM (/0RPt)

24 @ Kari - no that's it in the picture, I pinned our race numbers to it. The sling worked out very, very well and I honestly am glad I bought it - it made carrying a baby feel like almost nothing.

Posted by: Helen at June 08, 2008 05:15 PM (qN/eW)

25 with everything going on in your life, you still had energy to do this - good for you! I laid around to avoid the heat wave and had lunch with a blind date (no chemistry, oh well).

Posted by: Suze at June 08, 2008 09:52 PM (rRuNC)

26 Those pictures are too adorable. You look great... but she lights up the entire picture!

Posted by: Caba at June 09, 2008 01:57 AM (J5JLP)

27 YAY! Good job! You two are gorgeous...

Posted by: sue at June 09, 2008 02:46 PM (WbfZD)

28 Thank you.

Posted by: Lauren at June 09, 2008 11:39 PM (iUfJz)

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I am completely exhausted and worn out. I don't know how much more we can take. We've had a month of flu, colds, flu, conjunctivitis, ear infections, teething, the Queen Mother of nappy rashes, Nick getting bitten three times (and we instructed the nursery to keep the biter away from our sitting ducks babies) and then yesterday there was a little something that made me almost drop to my knees.

As seen on the door of the nursery:

Parents -

Please be advised there has been a confirmed outbreak of chicken pox in the Babies' Room of the nursery.

- Management

We're now in the incubation period, because we're definitely going to get it.

Fuck.

-H.

UPDATE-someone just let me know that my status as a Mommy Blogger is official. At least I'm considered hot. Apparently hotness is not based on votes.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:35 AM | Comments (28) | Add Comment
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1 Oh. My. God. When it rains, it certainly pours doesn't it? I can offer nothing but a shoulder, dear. Unless you'd like to come for a visit? The worst is over. It's all downhill from here, babe.

Posted by: Margi at June 06, 2008 07:45 AM (EYsj3)

2 On no ... that's .. oh no .... Erm .... maybe you wont get it? Actually what am I saying, you are so on spot watch. Boo ... sorry. At least the babies will get it over with? Not helping is it ... I'll back away from the laptop. M

Posted by: Moira at June 06, 2008 07:48 AM (UGBIN)

3 First months at nursery, or first months at school - whatever age they start, they go down with everything going (and so do you - hence the 'flu). At least the chickenpox will be over and done with - Small went down with it at the end of the first day of Smallest's third birthday trip to Disneyland Paris, and we had to come home (actually, we think she went down with it 24 hours earlier, and sheer willpower kept the spots at bay so she could drag us round and round "It's a sodding small world" for the best part of a day). It's bloody horrid with poorly smalls, though - and doubly so for you. Much sympathy from here.

Posted by: Steve at June 06, 2008 08:05 AM (3NryK)

4 I hope you don't get it. Not because I'm being nice or anything. But I've been repeatedly exposing my boys (2 years & 10 months) to the Pox in the hopes of them getting it. And they just don't. If the twins do get it, can we come over? Karie

Posted by: Karie Bala at June 06, 2008 08:36 AM (/0RPt)

5 Ugh. That sucks out loud. Well, hope it comes quick and leaves quicker. The better for all of you. Hope to hear from you in a few weeks?

Posted by: diamond dave at June 06, 2008 09:06 AM (EKSJf)

6 Don't worry about chicken pocks to much, except for the adults. Did you and your husband have them already? For the babies the following would be a great relief when the itching starts: bathe them (without rubbing of course, just put the in the water) in lightly warm water with a little vinegar essence in it (about the same ph factor as normal skin has) and the itching will stop immediately! It does not feel burning and is not dangerous at all. I did this with my little son who had chicken pocks when he was 4 months old in the middle of the hottest summer, several times a day. And afterwards I put a simple zinc lotion on the spots all over his little body which you can get at drugstores over here in Germany (they extra mix it and it costs like nothing ("lotio alba"). The lotion does not burn either,looks funny white and prevents the pock spots to leave deep scars. After about a week of treatment the crusts will fall off and you will be astonished how quick the nightmare will be over! I hope that you adults won't get ill. Good luck!

Posted by: Paula at June 06, 2008 09:09 AM (pArYm)

7 It could almost be a blessing in disguise. Babies get it and get over it quick, usually have less complications and cannot continually tell you how bad it itches (believe me, you just don't want to know that). My 14 year old is still unsure if he had it when he was a baby because of only a few spots that could have easily been mosquito bites. Let's hope the teenager doesn't get it - I tried to expose him by making him play with all sorts of strangers/acquaintances until he was about nine and then gave up trying to expose him. Just keep in mind, where illnesses go with kids, the more now - the less later. Hugs all the same!

Posted by: Melissa at June 06, 2008 09:24 AM (+Wg/4)

8 oh dear. I am not sure if any one else has mentioned this, and I hate to be the first one to if they haven't......... but maybe you will be luckier than we were lol. um there is a good chance if they get them now they will get them again if exposed. The pedi told me when my 4 year old gave them to my 9 month old that if they get them before the age of about 12mo? that they have a great chance of getting them again. And of course she did at age 2. The good news is.. the first time wasn't so bad. She was covered but they seemed to bother her less. My son (13) has never had them. Here in the states they make them have a vaccination for them before school age. At least in the state that I am in now. I really wasn't sure I wanted him to have it, both my girls were ok when they had them. And I was worried if it didn't work for some reason and he gets them later in life that he could become sterile because of it?? Is that really true, I have no idea lol. Keeping my fingers crossed for you that they don't get them!

Posted by: justme at June 06, 2008 10:40 AM (m9SE6)

9 Got all fingers and toes crossed for you, Nick and Nora.

Posted by: Charles at June 06, 2008 11:31 AM (maQJG)

10 Blech. Chicken pox. Sorry to hear about that babe.

Posted by: ~Easy at June 06, 2008 11:34 AM (XD24A)

11 well fuck. where's the gin?

Posted by: donna at June 06, 2008 01:17 PM (Yg10E)

12 Oh man- I agree Fuck is the only word that is appropriate for this! We have a vaccine here (do you guys?) but I dont think our babe's are old enough for it.. not that it would do a lick of good at this point. So sorry Helen- you and Angus have had it right???

Posted by: Christina at June 06, 2008 01:34 PM (J6Yo6)

13 It is better now rather then later. People have "Pox Parties" over here-getting all their kids together when one breaks out. The idea, my peditrician told me, is that it is better to have them young, and to be fully exposed so that they do not have a recurrence later. There is a vaccine here, but my doctor advised me agaisnt it. She said it eventually wears off as a child ages, and they do not remain immune to the virus. They could end up getting it when they are older, and especially in teens and adults it can be very harmful. So we wait. However, all that is cold comfort. Sorry babe-the timing on this, to say the least, sucks.

Posted by: Teresa at June 06, 2008 01:58 PM (cUPqm)

14 You have all my sympathies. I had chicken pox 10 years ago and it sucks having it as an adult. Two words...calamine lotion.

Posted by: Ernie E at June 06, 2008 02:04 PM (73PAI)

15 I was about 6 when I got them, and I had the worse case my doctor had ever seen. They wanted to put me in the hospital, and I can still remember screaming bloody murder as my mom put in the eye drops they gave me (I had them UNDER my eyelids - and that wasn't the worst place I got them). However, I've often heard that the younger the better, so I'm hoping you and Angus have had them and that this passes quickly. Just keep their nails trim so they can't scratch too much. You are so in my thoughts. As is that scene in Friends when Phoebe and Charlie Sheen are wearing duct taped on oven gloves. Sorry.

Posted by: amy t. at June 06, 2008 02:52 PM (3dOTd)

16 Well, it's not the worst news ever. My own darling husband was only a couple of months older than the bebes (10 months, caught it from his then 3 yr old brother) when he got the dreaded Pox, and it seems to have conferred a lifelong immunity to future infection. He has NO memory of itching or scabs or anything, as opposed to my own tortuous memories of having mittens taped to my hands to keep me from scratching myself.... I'd be more worried about the little vampires at the nursery. You really need to smear poor Nick with garlic powder next time you take him in :-)

Posted by: caltechgirl at June 06, 2008 04:21 PM (IfXtw)

17 As everyone else has said, babies don't react too much to chicken pox. A little fever, a few spots, a little cranky but ear infections, etc., are much much harder for them to handle. My kids had chicken pox around 2 years old each time and even at 2, they just ran around like normal. So...shouldn't be too bad and at least they will be immune later in life. Unlike me who had it at 27. Trust me, be relieved they are having it now, for THEIR sakes.

Posted by: The other Amber at June 06, 2008 05:23 PM (zQE5D)

18 Both Angus and I have had the chicken pox. Angus has even had German measles and mumps, so I'm debating calling the CDC on him.

Posted by: Helen at June 06, 2008 05:29 PM (bYKVX)

19 It's better for them to have it at an early age than it is later on. You can keep them from scratching more easily. I know it's horrible for you right now, but keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel.

Posted by: kenju at June 06, 2008 05:45 PM (yvCMb)

20 My oldest had 'the pox' at 11 months - exposed at daycare, just like yours. As soon as we knew she was exposed, my mom said to put her in as hot a bath as she could stand - apparently the hot water "brings out the pox". Probably an old wive's tale - but sure enough - the next day she had bumps. Thankfully, she didn't get them too badly, and didn't know how to scratch them, so she basically was just cranky over the whole thing. My 3 stepkids all had the vaccine, which I'm very much against, but I didn't have a say in that.

Posted by: Tracy at June 06, 2008 06:40 PM (eiiGE)

21 How frustrating! Like you *really* needed another issue to wrestle with. ((hugs))

Posted by: Lauren at June 06, 2008 07:59 PM (iUfJz)

22 I run a home daycare and had a family use my services as a back-up. They failed to tell me that their regular care provider wouldn't take the kids because the oldest was coming down with the pox. Needless to say ALL the kids came down with it. I had 7 kids with the pox, 2 of my own and 5 daycare kids. My two were the oldest and seemed to be the most affected. The little ones took it in stride. Our pharmacist recommended using Benadryl for the itching and it worked a charm. Like a previous commenter said I'd be more concerned with the biting. What is the centers policy on that?

Posted by: Anita at June 06, 2008 09:59 PM (ruq/q)

23 Oh no!!! Hoping it's mild enough not to make them too miserable but strong enough to provide them with a lasting immunity.

Posted by: Lisa at June 06, 2008 11:05 PM (EcHBm)

24 From someone that works in a daycare, it is very common for children who aren't able to speak yet, to bite. It's their way of communicating but I understand that it is upsetting you that your babies are getting hurt. The staff should be watching/keeping the biter away from little ones. I really hope they don't get the chicken pox.

Posted by: Tina at June 07, 2008 02:57 AM (/obaJ)

25 My son got the 'pox' at 7 months and it was awful. Blisters appeared right before our eyes and ALL over the place. Dreadful disease – makes you wonder how any of us survive – but we did. It lasted three feverish and spotty weeks, but now I positively laugh when I hear of an outbreak because I know we're going to be alright. And I remember how I was told by a wiser elder that it was actually a good thing! Good luck - if they do get it, it's not quite the end of the world.

Posted by: Elaine at June 07, 2008 07:27 AM (/jsNo)

26 Oh I forgot; the biting. I had a home childcare business and my Ray was "The" biter when he was little and I did have a few other "biters" over the years as well. I was a biter too, I'm told. *looks down, shamefaced* As someone else said, it's common for some kids when they are not verbal yet to bite instead. It's very VERY hard to prevent it from happening, it does NOT mean the facility is not being vigilant. So many times I was sitting within inches of the little ones, looking right at them and suddenly, one grabs another and bites their arm. I'd grab them but it would be too late; they're quick little buggers, hehehe. It's funny, my best friend was just hell about the biting thing with her first two, pissed off whenever it would happen to her sons at daycare, ranting about it, how the parents must be doing something wrong (BS) for the child to bite, how dare another child bite HER precious sons, etc., and I would tell her to chill out, it happens, yatta, and she would, grudgingly, then her third one, a girl, became a biter herself. I couldn't help but laugh when she told me. Suddenly she was the one the other mothers were glaring at when she'd go to pick up her daughter and she didn't like it much. Heh. Anyway, my take on it, as with all things regarding kids, is that interaction with others is healthy, kids do things to each other sometimes, I'm sure Nick and Nora smack each other or they will. They might even bite each other at some point; happens. Not the end of the world. As my kids' grandfather said when they were little and I'd be frantic about whatever childish thing they were doing as, yanno...children, as long as they are not biting/wetting the bed/sucking their thumb/crying at night/etc., by college years, you did okay. ;-P

Posted by: The other Amber at June 07, 2008 06:00 PM (zQE5D)

27 My daughter was exposed at day care 3 TIMES and never got it. I finally gave up worrying about it and she had the shot instead. I hope your wee ones are as lucky. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Posted by: Michelle at June 07, 2008 08:25 PM (pJoN7)

28 Here's the deal. When a kid gets the chicken pox, it is not nearly as dangerous as if he/she gets it as an adult, where it will not leave them sterile, that's mumps that can cause that, not pox. Anyway, the thing is though, that if you have had chicken pox, or herpes simplex, which are all related, then at a later date, you can get shingles, which are painful and debilitating and can cause blindness and nerve damage. This is why doctors used to encourage pox parties when kids were young, and then they figured out that shingles might be in your future, so they developed a vacine. *This message was not approved by the surgeon general. And was also way too long, sorry.

Posted by: Donna at June 08, 2008 01:52 AM (3G38v)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

OK, so I've had to hit the ground running today. We've had intermittent power for a while as they're updating our electrics in the house. Angus and I have been busting our asses tiling the kitchen floor. It's raining in the nursery again. I have work a mile long to do today. Our home PC is knackered but we can't find the discs to rebuild it. And last but not least the babies - who are 8 months old today - have nappy rash, 5 teeth amongst them coming through, and conjunctivitis so we are very popular with the eye drop administration.

So forgive me for taking a very cheap route - I leave it to you*. Ask me a question in the comments and I'll endeavor to answer it tomorrow. Of course I'm not going to answer things like "what's your real name?" and the like that give away my secret superhero identity, but I'll try to address anything else.

Sorry.

And thanks.

-H.

* Yes I feel dirty. This is what happens when your to-do list makes you want to break out the gin.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:03 AM | Comments (30) | Add Comment
Post contains 206 words, total size 1 kb.

Yesterday Nora broke three teeth through her top gum, and she was irritable, hot, and uncomfortable. Nick is following suit, and for once the babies did not go to bed easily. We've been up loads during the night with them, which we haven't had since January.

At 4 am Nick started to shout. Blearily I went in, checked to make sure the rain wasn't coming in the ceiling again (it wasn't), applied teething gel, and went back to bed. The teething gel takes a moment to kick in, but the relief (when it hits) means the noise stops.

At 6 am Nora started screaming. I went in, rubbed her cheeks and forehead, applied teething gel, and went back to bed, waiting for her to stop screaming.

But she didn't.

At 6:30 I went back in and tried to pick her up. She let out an enormous roar of rage. I realized why.

I had been so busy checking their teeth and faces that I hadn't even realized her leg was stuck between the bars of the two cots and that - not her teeth - was why she'd been screaming.

She has two large bruises on either side of her shin. Cot bumpers are going up on the beds today, and huge amounts of cuddles, kisses, and her favorite yogurt have been applied. I'm debating buying her a pony. A pony will make it all better.

I feel so guilty you wouldn't believe it. I should've checked her leg. I feel like the worst mother in the history of awful mothers.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:39 AM | Comments (42) | Add Comment
Post contains 274 words, total size 2 kb.

1 You are a brilliant mother and sometimes these things happen. My "worst mum" experience also involved teething gel! Damn teething gel! Amy was getting her two top front teeth and she was only little (just six months) I left her on our bed while I turned around to get the teething gel off the chest of drawers and THUMP she rolls off the bed and lands on her head. Oh the guilt! I think a pony would definitely help!

Posted by: Super Sarah at June 01, 2008 08:31 AM (d7dEB)

2 A pony, and maybe a car?? From what my friends who are parents say you have done SO well to get to this age for your first 'worst parent' moment. All my firends seem to have dropped their little ones in the first 3 months ... and they were singletons! You are a wonderful mummy!

Posted by: Moira at June 01, 2008 08:35 AM (UGBIN)

3 Oh, sweetie...you are NOT an awful mother! Just consider this the first of many boo boos that you will have to kiss during Nick and Nora's childhood. Accidents happen...therefore That Guy I Married and I have adopted the philosophy that "Kids are Bendy"...and they are

Posted by: justdawn at June 01, 2008 08:54 AM (CUKaJ)

4 Ugh, teething. God do I hate teething, and there is still some of it to go and the kid is almost 2. All 4 of P's molars came in simultaneously, NIGHTMARE. Anyway, you're not a horrible mother at all! They can scream for hours on end from teething, how were you to know it wasn't teething-related? If it makes you feel better at all, P is trying to climb onto my lap at this very moment and saying, "Hug mummy, hug" and I'm shunning her in favour of writing this comment. Now that, my friend, is being a horrible mother. I hope they both feel better soon, stupid teething.

Posted by: MsPrufrock at June 01, 2008 09:59 AM (1NDGw)

5 It happens and it is OK. When Max was teething I thought he was suffering from jet lag... until my boob hurt! Bumpers are considered a chocking hazard and I really recommend the mesh type. The one I have is named Cribshield. When I visited France a month ago, I forgot to take the Cribshield, and Max kept putting out his legs and arms through the bars. A mistake I will never do again! http://www.amazon.com/Tru-Flate-BreathableBaby-CribShield-System/dp/B0000E6ZC6

Posted by: marie baguette at June 01, 2008 10:00 AM (BNqmF)

6 Argh teeth. I thought my toddler was having nightmares and I had been spending alot of time sitting with her at 2am. Turns out today she was cutting more teeth. I really should have known.

Posted by: Veronica at June 01, 2008 10:14 AM (8Rqn3)

7 I think you can safely put that one into the Shit Happens When You're A New Parent category and chalk it up to experience. We all make mistakes. It's how you handle them that counts. Cot bumpers sounds like a good idea. And yes, I've been a dropped on the head child (can't you tell sometimes with my comments?).

Posted by: diamond dave at June 01, 2008 11:52 AM (EKSJf)

8 Highlands teething tablets. I discovered them at about the age of your sweet babies. Gel required putting fingers in babies mouths which get bit. The tablets are tiny and dissolve on contact making very happy babies!!

Posted by: Amy at June 01, 2008 11:54 AM (z0hrW)

9 Twice last week Bridget cried and I didn't go to her immediately, then felt awful when I did to discover.... She tried to take off her pajama pants (she wears the two piece sets now) and somehow got her legs stuck over her head and her body weight pinned on the slack in the pants and couldn't move her legs. She was stuck in that plow position in yoga. And I let her go for a few minutes to see if she'd calm down before going to her. I felt really bad then too. Oh, did I tell you I also let her fall off the bed at around five months old? Point is, as someone else said, it's not the first time and it won't be the last. Good things babies are resilient. I also recommend the Highlands teething tablets. If you can't get your hands on them, I'll send you some. They work miracles and apparently they taste good. I only have to put two of them in my hand and Bridget will take then and eat them herself. They really do calm her and make for a better night's sleep. Better than the gel, which I find to wear off very quickly after a long struggle to get it applied.

Posted by: donna at June 01, 2008 12:12 PM (Yg10E)

10 At least you were kind enough to document it for Child Welfare. *LOL* Seriously, don't sweat it. Much worse things will happen. My laziness resulted in 14 stiches when my oldest was 3. (That's not comforting, is it?)

Posted by: ~Easy at June 01, 2008 12:26 PM (XD24A)

11 That's hardly anything. I once let my daughter scream for over an hour when I put her down for a nap, not realizing that she had blown out her diaper and it was all over the bed. She had no choice but to sleep in it, having cried until she was too exhausted to do more. I felt like calling the police on myself!!

Posted by: kenju at June 01, 2008 12:48 PM (yvCMb)

12 The mommy guilt is never ending, I swear! That has happened to me also and I felt just terrible.

Posted by: Dotty at June 01, 2008 01:01 PM (rydMD)

13 Seriously. The guilt just never ends.

Posted by: statia at June 01, 2008 01:04 PM (5IjqH)

14 I cam e home from a company dinner to find my 1 year old son had become fascinated with the filial on the lamp next to our bed. While my wife was holding him he reached in to grab it and suffered a nasty burn from the hot bulb. Two hours of waiting in the emergency room and four weeks to convince my wife it wasn't her fault. At four he fell over backwards in a pillow fight and hit the corner of a desk with his head. Cracked the desk and required six stitches. Sh%t happens. And it will always happen. What you can't do is drive yourself crazy trying to prevent everything. You learn - you put up bumpers - you give comfort and yogurt, and sleep soundly the next night. Or you get a pony.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at June 01, 2008 01:11 PM (R7LgM)

15 Dude, it was stuck in her crib bars, not in the teeth of an alligator that you keep as a pet under her bed or anything, shit happens! It's just more stupid shit that you learn to check for, usually after the fact, so don't beat yourself up for it, this too will pass. *Had you done it deliberately, it would be different.

Posted by: Donna at June 01, 2008 01:22 PM (q1IeD)

16 My (soon but not soon enough to be ex) brother in law picked up my niece over his head and heard a thunk, thunk, thunk as the ceiling fan hit her head. Fortunately it was on low. Then, we had her sitting on the table in her infant seat so my dog wouldn't lick her to death. The day before she had been unable to climb out. That day she arched outher back and landed on the floor with a horrid sound. Like everyone else has said. Shit happens. You doleout the appropriate kisses, ponies, sweets and learn for the next time. And, if you feel so compelled, do as my sister and I do...put a quarter in the therapy jar. :-)

Posted by: sophie at June 01, 2008 02:30 PM (ZPzQL)

17 Been there, done that. Please don't beat yourself up over it. ...just a comment on the teething gel. My doc discourages it and I've read other recommendation to use other methods because the gel not only numbs the gums but the tongue as well (with a consequential hazard of choking). I use these teeny-tiny little pills that I got in Germany -- supposed to be all-natural and all that -- which sound very much like the Hylands tablets I see recommended. All my kids have loved to eat the little pills when offered, and very quickly relaxed about the teething pain.

Posted by: Tinker at June 01, 2008 02:58 PM (rU3SM)

18 It is still attached, and functional, so it's all good. What chubby little legs she has, I love it!

Posted by: Cheryl at June 01, 2008 03:17 PM (082BT)

19 I wouldn't sweat it - far greater guilt moments are in your future. When my son was toddling, I left a quarter on the coffee table. I truly didn't even think about it when I saw him pick it up but when he put in his mouth I didn't get to him quick enough before it had blocked his windpipe and he was choking to death before my very eyes. I flipped him upside down and stuck my finger halfway down his throat to get that thing out. He was fine, not even frightened by the experience but oooooo the mommy guilt - one the first but definately not the last guilt moment.

Posted by: lostdawill at June 01, 2008 03:24 PM (JNxKd)

20 Oh, Helen. I'm so sorry. It wasn't something you were looking for initially. Don't be so hard on yourself. Nora will be fine and I'm sure she will forgive you at some point, especially once she sees the pony!

Posted by: Kat at June 01, 2008 04:10 PM (mMljA)

21 First, stop beating yourself up. She didn't fall out a window. These things happen. It wasn't her head stuck in the thing, and she won't remember a thing about it. Second, these other comments are making me laugh out loud. Sharing is good. Third, I can't even recount the number of ways my youngest took advantage of the least distraction on my part to get into trouble. I'm just glad he's finally old enough to reason and is turning out to be very smart and reasonable. It's given me major anxiety on occasion just trying to get him "grown up" this far! He just turned TEN. We made it to double digits. So far, so good. :-D

Posted by: Lisa at June 01, 2008 04:38 PM (EcHBm)

22 This is just a warm up for the biggies where you have to make the decision whether to go to A&E. No-one functions well when they are sleep deprived, don't beat yourself up about it. The one I feel bad about is when I'd had my son with his foot up on a cushion for an hour, dosing him with Calpol and it turned out he'd a badly broken leg.

Posted by: Caroline M at June 01, 2008 04:46 PM (x3QDi)

23 Awwwww honey, don't beat yourself up. I am not trying to sound trite, but these things do and will happen. The guilt is incredible though, isn't it? However, I do not think there is enough space here for me to list all my "worst mom" incidents. But believe me, there are many.

Posted by: Teresa at June 01, 2008 04:53 PM (DO5jo)

24 Yeah yeah yeah.. I once stuck my baby brother in the leg with a diaper pin.. ouch! Then my Nick rolled off the bed at four months old and when I picked him up, his screaming mouth revealed two new teeth! Now they might have been there before-hand, but at that moment it really seemed that he'd hit the floor hard enough to make his teeth pop out! On the other hand, I never did anything wrong with or to my two girls, but they sure give me hell now that they're teenagers!

Posted by: Julie at June 01, 2008 05:02 PM (t4rd5)

25 We've all done things like that... you're a great mom. Nora will forgive. She'll be just fine. I'm not sure a pony would ease the guilt.

Posted by: sue at June 01, 2008 05:12 PM (CPA3R)

26 I think it is pretty amazing you have got so far without one of these "incidents" - they happen to all of us. Z fell off a table the other day - yup I know what is a 18month old doing on a table anyway....he was fine; I was guilty. No pony though.

Posted by: Betty M at June 01, 2008 06:08 PM (vd0Yw)

27 Heh. There's a group on Flickr called "Mother of the Year" that is all about documenting these sorts of incidents. As everyone say, these things happen— and just wait until they're toddlers. They'll do things to each other as well!

Posted by: B. Durbin at June 01, 2008 07:42 PM (tie24)

28 This kind of guilt physically hurts, doesn't it?

Posted by: MissElaine-eous at June 01, 2008 09:54 PM (P72+U)

29 There is also Daddy guilt. My youngest decided to quietly sneak off bed and out of room and fell down stairs. She did not cry. When I turned around and she was disappeared I panicked. When I heard nothing -the quiet is the worst- I really panicked. When i found her at base of stairs not crying, just lying there the terror was complete. Ran down stairs; she was happily comtemplating whatever 9 month old little girls comtemplate. She was fine; I wann't.

Posted by: Charles at June 01, 2008 10:51 PM (maQJG)

30 Auugh! That's happened to me too! Great...is that the purpose of the bumpers? I thought they were merely decorative and not so safe, so I've done without them. Hummmm. Decisions, decisions. Hylands teething tablets. They rock.

Posted by: Rae at June 01, 2008 11:56 PM (EVkwk)

31 You're not a bad mommy and she won't remember. Sorry this happened though.

Posted by: Tina at June 02, 2008 03:09 AM (53Vkq)

32 I'm a Daddy's girl, so everywhere my dad went, so did I as a child. I can't count how many times he banged my head against the top of the truck's door then told me to duck, rubbing my head as he did. My dad still calls me knothead now and again. He did get me a pony too, btw, but truthfully, I've never held a single knot against him. Hope the teething phase passes soon.

Posted by: MF at June 02, 2008 03:50 AM (abaoY)

33 If you are the worst mommy, then I am in trouble! You parent circles around me! :-) I am sure that Nora won't hold this against you. All is forgotten on her part. Now, forgive yourself.

Posted by: stacie at June 02, 2008 06:31 AM (Lr4xO)

34 Please allow me to say (because I haven't read the comments and I'm on my way to bed) that The Perfect Mother? SHE DOES NOT EXIST. We all make mistakes. Big ones and little ones. And that you assumed Nora was crying because of teeth is a tiny little SPECK of a mistake, love. Please don't beat yourself up. I refuse to recount all of the mistkaes I've made with all three of my boys - firstly becuase I can't remember most of the elder two's and also because it would depress me to no end. There will be no therapy bills from Nora for this - so don't fret no mo'. Kay? Please? xoxo

Posted by: Margi at June 02, 2008 06:59 AM (jsBes)

35 Awww don't beat yourself up over it. I think every mother has a moment (or twelve) like this! I know I've heard similar stories about my childhood, and all of us kids turned out ok. She'll be fine and you're still a great mom

Posted by: geeky at June 02, 2008 01:37 PM (ziVl9)

36 No where near close! I once checked on the Boy and went back to bed. He was not actually in bed. He was squished between the bed and the night stand - I had checked on a stuffed animal and shuffled back to bed. we had ice cream for breakfast - it made it all better (that and the $50.00 I put into the therapy jar!) ;-)

Posted by: oddybobo at June 02, 2008 01:54 PM (mZfwW)

37 If the worst thing you do in a 12 month period is not realize your daughter's leg is sticking out the back of the crib at 6:00 in the morning when you know she's teething, you'll probably be nominated for "Mom of the year". There's all kinds of bumps, bruises, & bang-ups that happen to our kids that we could have prevented or minimized. It's part of growing up. We can't see, predict, and prevent everything; nor should we feel overly bad when an honest, understandable accident occurs. Feeling bad is fine, but don't feel TOO bad.

Posted by: Solomon at June 02, 2008 05:54 PM (x+GoF)

38 Aww, poor little monkey. At least she's not old enough to hold a grudge!

Posted by: kellyangelo at June 02, 2008 06:40 PM (DQj7g)

39 poor baby. But even more so - poor mommy. I'm sure you feel just awful - but you're only human and it could have happened to any one of us. This is my problem with the idea of just letting them cry in the crib - I get it in theory - teaching them to soothe themselves, but what if they are crying and something really is wrong? I recently let Callie scream for a bit, only to finally go in and realize that the reason she was screaming was because her brother was kicking her in the head. I felt terrible. Also I recently got a big pinch of her skin caught in the clasp of our hard plastic bibs - I left a nasty mark on her neck, and she screamed and sobbed. I felt awful. Oh - and we're going through teething hell too I think - Danny was awake three times the last two nights in a row - very unusual for him.

Posted by: Carol at June 02, 2008 08:49 PM (iaV9O)

40 Aw darlin! That happens to any parent. Like mentioned above, experience makes it all easier. I used to read your blog a while back, when you had just had your kiddos, and I know from reading you love your babies so much. Your no where near a bad mother.

Posted by: Liv at June 03, 2008 03:47 AM (tW3M9)

41 Oh that happened to me too! No worries and no real harm done.

Posted by: The other Amber at June 03, 2008 05:59 PM (zQE5D)

42 I've never commented before, but I just love your blog and wanted to say that in no way does that qualify you as a bad mother - not even close! But I do know how you feel, and an extra few doses of cuddling baby helps.

Posted by: D at June 04, 2008 11:56 AM (O98kd)

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