A Couple of White Chaps Sitting Around Talking
The last week has been hell - solid feeding extravaganzas, using new teats so that it's not so much a bottle feeding as it's a controlled drowning, more laundry than I could have contemplated (all of it stained orange) and many tears, most of them from me.
One week on and the babies are now happily drinking from the bottles and (usually) ok with taking different solids in a rainbow of flavors and colors (I lie. Almost everything is orange. I haven't figured out why that is yet.)
And at a weigh-in this afternoon we found out that the last week of hell hasn't all been for nothing - the babies both gained a noticeable amount of weight, and both of them shot back on the percentile graph and although they're still tiny and underweight, we are lingering back in the 2nd percentile now as opposed to not being on the chart at all.
Rock. The. Fuck. On.
I'm delighted with them, honestly. I know it seems ridiculous, but we like to celebrate the little things. This, my friends, will be a champagne event.
Just imagine what it will be like the first time they bring home an "A" on their report card.
And so, to share my delight, I give you yet another video of them.
I thought maybe you were interested in the peaceful quiet morning times we have.
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My son makes the same high-pitched squeal - we call him the jungle beast (or just beasty for short) when he does it and it really gets him going.
Your children are perfectly lovely and appear to be the picture of health. Keep rockin' the solids!
Posted by: Jeannine at February 28, 2008 05:22 PM (zfPGY)
Posted by: Suzie at February 28, 2008 05:25 PM (weSjv)
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The Mini was cracking up at their noises. He thought they were funny. I don't know, maybe they were communicating an inside joke.
Posted by: statia at February 28, 2008 05:38 PM (lHsKN)
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Oh it's SO awesome when they discover they have voices. Hah.
It looks like Lil' Nick does what my Babylove did for a long time - as soon as he discovers that there's a camera in the room, he assumes the "Deer in Headlights" look.
I'm going to open a bottle of wine, myself, for your beautiful cherubs. A red-letter day, indeed!
Congratulations babies! Keep filling up on the orange-colored goodness!
Posted by: Margi at February 28, 2008 06:03 PM (IYBY1)
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AWESOME! I love it when they discover they have a voice.
Looks like Nick did what Babylove used to - freeze as soon as he spied a camera in the room.
We'll be opening a bottle of wine in celebration tonight! Go, babies!
Posted by: Margi at February 28, 2008 06:12 PM (IYBY1)
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Oh for the love of - Please feel free to delete one of my comments - stupid, stupid comment spammers!
Posted by: Margi at February 28, 2008 06:13 PM (IYBY1)
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That is so freaking cute,I cannot understand Angus at all, LOL, you however I can make out what you are saying. The babies are loud and wiggly just like babies should be. Thanks for sharing! My dog heard the noises and came running in the Den to see what was making those noises.
Posted by: Cheryl at February 28, 2008 06:14 PM (n3lCA)
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That's pretty cute! Thank you for sharing this with us. Also it's pretty cool hearing your voice for the first time
Posted by: Ernie E at February 28, 2008 06:17 PM (XBFs9)
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Oh my goodness! Beyond cute. Thank you so much for sharing.
Posted by: Lisa at February 28, 2008 06:52 PM (EcHBm)
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please please please leave this up a few hours so I can watch it when I get home tonight.
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at February 28, 2008 07:00 PM (+MvHD)
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Angus certainly seems to have come 'round, no? He appears to be very much in love with the new additions. Your babies cotinually amaze me. They will be brilliant as well as gorgeous, I'm betting!
Posted by: Deb at February 28, 2008 07:02 PM (GOFVL)
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The are SOOOOOO cute! and I'm not just saying that. They look really healthy to me... all round and chubby-cheeked! Wouldn't you love to know what he was trying to tell Angus?
Posted by: kenju at February 28, 2008 07:13 PM (yvCMb)
Posted by: Cori at February 28, 2008 07:30 PM (wGDlm)
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Love the videos. Keep them coming!
And it looks like the twins got a real good daddy too (in addition to mommy).
Posted by: diamond dave at February 28, 2008 08:31 PM (nzseS)
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Oh, Helen, how adorable! That sound is one of Banana's favorites right now, too. And congrats on making it back on the charts -- I'm so glad that all your hard work paid off so nicely.
Posted by: Kath at February 28, 2008 09:34 PM (MdYRQ)
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Babies love the orange solids.. squash, peaches. They're sweet and good. That's why you see so many babies with peach colored noses. I had to work hard to get my kids to eat the green beans and spinach.
Posted by: Julie at February 28, 2008 11:19 PM (chaTV)
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they are simply delightful!
thanks again for sharing them with us.
Posted by: megan at February 29, 2008 12:22 AM (1O5Qi)
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Watching this video made me feel much less anxious about our own soon-to-arrive babies. Thank you.
Posted by: uccellina at February 29, 2008 12:23 AM (rxhy8)
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Rock.The.Fuck.On is right! Go babies! Yeah for gaining weight! Not often in life does gaining weight illicit a huge round of applause from a bunch of strangers.
Posted by: Erica at February 29, 2008 01:28 AM (D6tE/)
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I love your babies noises! Seems like such a long time ago now as Amy is talking up a storm. I am going to go back through the archives to listen to some of her early noises just to remind me of those little dinosaur squeaks! Congrats on the babies weights, awesome news! One day when Nick towers over you, you'll look back and smile!
Posted by: Super Sarah at February 29, 2008 01:48 AM (iJq4V)
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I remember vividly the days when weight was the most important issue. Congratulations to the babies for bulking up -- and to you for doing such a great job helping them do it!
When I watched your video, I smiled and couldn't help wondering -- can you even stand how wonderful they are? They are the most precious babies. *sigh* What a treat to see them on video again!
Posted by: Heather at February 29, 2008 02:47 AM (XTfHx)
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For some reason I thought you were American. Aren't you? At times in this video you sound completely British! Now I've confused myself...
Posted by: Rae at February 29, 2008 03:12 AM (Cvafx)
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When I was a baby, my mom says all I ate were orange foods. Carrots, sweet potatoes, squash, pumpkin, apricots--apparently my skin acquired an orange tinge, but I was healthy and happy. The pictures from then do seem quite... yellow.
Posted by: Meredith at February 29, 2008 03:52 AM (qXPtk)
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Oh god, how I miss those baby noises, and all that babbling! They are just precious, and I am not just giving you lip service. They are truly something. When Nick froze like a deer in headlights at the end I was laughing my ass off. It is priceless!
Glad they put on some weight-if nothing else at least it put your mind at ease. And yes, the bottom of my nephew's feet are often orange from his love of sweet potatoes.
Posted by: Teresa at February 29, 2008 02:22 PM (HebaZ)
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Wow, so much fun. Kind of makes me think that maybe babies are so bad after all.
Very fun to hear them make all of those noises. You also have a very nice laugh. It's always interesting to hear what people sound like when you've only ever seen their words or pictures. You have developed quite the British way of talking for an US girl.
Christopher
Posted by: Mr.Thomas at February 29, 2008 06:29 PM (bB3uL)
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Love it! Its always facinating to me that they all sound the same, the cry, the coo, the giggle and squeal, Its all the same voice. That being said, both of yours sound just like mine! Love! Not that suprising being they were born just 3 days apart, mine 11 days early, yours 29 (?) still, its precious.
Congrats on making their/your way back into the charts! Not a small deal at all.
Posted by: Christina at February 29, 2008 07:07 PM (J6Yo6)
Mission Accomplished
Melissa and Jeff are still here, and will be until Saturday. Since Melissa's discovered MSN IM with practically everyone under the age of 16 (and the noise of each and every one of them logging in is going to send me round the bend) and Jeff has discovered Civilization IV, computer time for Angus and myself is bordering on nil. So posting is a bit scant and, when it happens, a bit light on the scrolling for a change.
Their visit is going well, actually (hope I don't jinx it here). They're in pretty good spirits, only one argument between anyone (it was between Jeff and myself, actually, and I stood firm and we came out the other side just fine and still friends). They both like their brother and sister and Jeff in particular is a real sweetie. He adores his baby sister, and Melissa naturally has gravitated towards her infant brother. They both claim it's because they hope that "the babies don't go wrong, like their older siblings have". Whatever the reason, it's lovely to see.
Yesterday we hit the garden hard, armed with help as we were with two teens. We've raped and pillaged the garden, ripping out the designs the former professional gardener had. We're grassing over everything, which may be boring but it will be far more manageable. We had a massive bonfire to take down trees, shrubs, and the former rose arbor that we had (that had to come down, it was rotten). This is Jeff taking down the rosebushes, and Melissa and Angus and the babies are standing by to saw the arbor down*.
Also in the picture is what looks like a massive ring of dirt around our ancient apple tree. It was a raised garden about one foot deep around the tree, filled with ferns and spiky things and who the fuck knows what. Last weekend I eradicated it, and did a victory dance after. It too will be grassed over and turned into more garden space.
Melissa discovered that the pebble dash on the garage (which we are keeping) was very loose. It didn't take long for me to have a go at it, because the brick underneath the pebble dash will look good once it has some roses growing up the side. We're kicking ourselves for not trying to do this sooner.
I'm not so much into construction as I'm into destruction, and once I dug in I didn't let go.
Especially once Angus gave me an electric chisel.
What you can't see here is:
- Me going and putting safety goggles on
- Me braving a ladder
- Me swearing a blue streak when some of the render fell on my foot.
But hey, I made serious progress.
We made dampers in the smoldering ashes, which all 4 of us ate with a heaving helping of blackcurrant jam. It took all day but at last the entire garden is done, and ready for the onslaught of Spring.
And we had a good day doing it, too.
-H.
*of course the babies didn't saw the arbor down. They loaded the rendering into the wheelbarrow instead**.
**kidding. Don't call for the blue car or anything like that. They napped in the safety of their nursery.
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Looks like you had a fun day! There is nothing I like more than pruning back the gardes... I'm no good at planting, and keeping alive, so the destruction is what I do!
Grass is great - easy to keep and great the children to play on. The garage looks good too!!
Posted by: Suzie at February 27, 2008 11:41 AM (weSjv)
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Jeff just discovered Civ IV and you were able to get him outside to work? My wife is still mad at my brother-in-law for introducing me to Civ II. I've been through III and now IV and everytime it's a binge. It's worse than pr0n in terms of its addictveness.
I'm itching to get outside too, but we still have snow on the ground!
Posted by: ~Easy at February 27, 2008 11:48 AM (XD24A)
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Wow, I can't believe what you did to that wall!! We had NO idea how much work the garden would be when we bought our house and its not even that big a garden!
Posted by: Super Sarah at February 27, 2008 12:09 PM (iJq4V)
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I love that you work in what looks like pj bottoms and wellies!
Posted by: Angela at February 27, 2008 12:34 PM (DGWM7)
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Ha! Um...Angela? Yeah. Those are indeed pajama bottoms and Wellies.
I definitely work the fashion, don't I?
Posted by: Helen at February 27, 2008 12:44 PM (FgK7H)
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Wow, why would anyone cover up brick like that? Looks great!
Happy to hear the kids are getting along.
Posted by: Christina at February 27, 2008 01:21 PM (J6Yo6)
Posted by: Amy at February 27, 2008 01:47 PM (I9LMv)
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Oh, I LOVE power tools. That looks like a fun one! Go you with all the motivation and so much accomplished. And congrats on everyone getting along. What a relief.
Cheers!
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at February 27, 2008 01:53 PM (+MvHD)
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That's the sort of shit I hire people for, because I'm very inept with just one child. If I had two, I would certainly never get anything done ever again.
Posted by: statia at February 27, 2008 02:18 PM (lHsKN)
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That looks like fun! You weren't kidding about making progress. I love your gardening attire too and think the last picture of you and Angus is wonderful because you look so happy. I had to look up dampers myself. What a fun way to wrap up a bonfire.
I hope the rest of the visit goes just as well if not better. Thanks for the update!
Posted by: Lisa at February 27, 2008 02:46 PM (EcHBm)
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I echo the comment made about getting anything done with just one baby. You are my superhero idol Helen.
Love, love, love your wellies!
Posted by: Anita at February 27, 2008 03:11 PM (vb/Jk)
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I can't wait to get outside, but I'm doing the opposite of you. I'm un-grassing everything and putting in vegetable and edible flower gardens.
Posted by: Jen(aside) at February 27, 2008 03:30 PM (yAsX1)
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1. It may be just me, but I seem to remember that the garden was one of the reasons you loved this house so much. Did I hallucinate that?
2. I love your wellies! I so wish I would get a chance to wear mine.
3. I bet your neighbors love you, with all the demolition and power tools and bon fires, huh?
Posted by: amy t. at February 27, 2008 04:04 PM (3dOTd)
Posted by: Uccellina at February 27, 2008 05:28 PM (rxhy8)
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WOW....you're good! Next time, would you come over here and help me remove the pebbled ceilings in my house?
Posted by: kenju at February 27, 2008 05:36 PM (yvCMb)
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What is this....grass? Here we have about 2 feet of snow still, and more coming.
You amaze me. Just, wow.
Posted by: Teresa at February 27, 2008 10:16 PM (hHFGT)
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Holy Cow! Look at how skinny you are! You just had twins? NO WAY!
You look so awesome.
Posted by: The other Amber at February 27, 2008 11:26 PM (zQE5D)
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yea you're looking just a little "TOO FINE" to have just given birth to twins...damn woman!
progress on the house looks great....I COVET the weather you are having in the UK....here on the other side of the pond in Atlantic Canada, we just had 20cms of snow followed by freezing rain (lovely) and they are calling for a blizzard on Saturday (wonderful)....and true to form...my due date is Friday.....and there is NO SIGN of alien life yet....I had a feeling I'd be giving birth in the middle of a storm....I just figured it might be figurative instead of literal. awesome!
take care
Posted by: wn at February 28, 2008 02:13 AM (DYqq7)
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We have the same wellies!
I am so glad it is all going well
abs x
Posted by: abs at February 28, 2008 10:17 AM (+gJH8)
It was with great sadness and, frankly, annoyance that I read about your latest idea to try to stop the influx of what can only be described as the scourage of society - the immigrant. You have plans to change immigration laws for anyone outside of the European Economic Area. While many pundits and legalese types debate these changes with regards to "non-whites" or, as my xenophobic stepmother-in-law might put it "those people", the truth is you catch a great deal of "whites" or, as I'm led to read between the lines, "people who we're not targetting but are caught in the net anyway".
Like myself.
I came to your country 4 years ago under a Highly Skilled Migrant visa, which I qualified for and paid for myself. From the day I stepped foot out of Heathrow I have been working, without cessation. I have been working on projects that contribute to British society and British businesses.
I pay taxes. In fact, I pay the highest amount of taxes as set forth in your country's finances. I pay as much in tax as the average millinonaire should do, only I'm not a millionaire and they're more clever than I am and have ways of hiding their money from you. I pay council tax, to the tune of £200 a month, for which I occasionally get my bins emptied (although not at Christmastime, when my binmen cannot be bothered). I pay utilities and car/home/health insurance. I pay car tax to use your roads and a TV license to watch your BBC. I have a UK driving license. I pay a fortune to take your public transportation to get to other parts of the country, for which I am rewarded with tardy and overcrowded trains. I own a house here, or at least the bank does and I thoughtfully remember to pay them every month. I got to pay a ransom in stamp duty to buy said house, as well. I have a British partner and two half-British children who have British passports.
I moan about the weather. I eat my sprouts with my sunday roast. On Boxing Day I get my walking shoes on and go for a walk like the rest of the country. I avoid conversation on the tube like everyone else and can order a pint with a joke back to the barkeep. I know not to book a chimney sweep during wedding season and I have learned the difference between an A-level and an O-level. I watch Last Night at the Proms and can even sing God Save the Queen, even if I know it as My Country Tis of Thee. Heck, I even recycle.
I wonder, then, why it would be necessary to prove I am "integrated into British society". Apparently, the above aren't enough to prove it. I already learned how difficult it was to prove I speak English, I can't wait to go through that one again (you are reading this letter in Farsi, Mr. Brown. Congratulations, I had no idea you were so adept.) I now need to look into enjoying charity work and being involved in my local community. I'm very excited about both options, especially as the full-time working mother of soon-to-be 5 month old twins means I have bags of spare time.
You already moved the goal posts on me once. Previously I only had to be here 4 years to get indefinite leave to remain or citizenship. Now it's 5 years, a horrendous increase in price, citizenship tests and proof required that I'm "an active citizen" - for both indefinite leave to remain and citizenship! There is nothing to be gained by not trying for citizenship now, and a huge investment of time and money (I can't seem to find consistent info, but I think £1000 is a little steep, personally). And speaking of cost, apparently now the price is higher for immigrants with children. My twins and I thank you from the bottom of our wallets.
It's funny - I get the impression that you don't want me here, Mr. Brown. I'm not sure what I did wrong, on the whole I think I contribute to society here, and further I actually genuinely love living here. If this is a concern about me or people like me "taking advantage of services reserved for British subjects", then let me assure you, I have not nor will I be on unemployment. Not only because I will seek active employment immediately should I lose my job, but because according to my visa I have no recourse to public funds so I don't use them.
More and more I feel unwanted and, frankly, despicable if the government arguments are to be believed. I hear Women's Hour on BBC 4 - Women's Hour, the bastien of calm and level-headedness! - talking about "British values". The disgraceful and disgusting BNP shove leaflets through my door describing how vile immigrants are to society as a whole. I'm often tempted to tell them that just because I am white doesn't mean I don't represent that which they loathe.
It's apparently what you loathe, too, Mr. Brown. I want to seek British citizenship over indefinite leave to remain so that I too can have the same citizenship as my children, and the three of us will be dual citizens of America and Britain. I want to seek British citizenship so that every three years I don't have to perform like a poodle to get another visa. I want to seek British citizenship so that when I pay my taxes and walk my dog in National Trust lands and ride the public transport infrastructure I'll feel like I have a right to be there, and that I can represent these things to the best of my ability.
Like many others, I would like to be a British citizen.
Britain just doesn't want us, apparently.
I'll show myself out, and I'll wipe the doorknob as I go, so not to leave any smudges from my grubby immigrant hands.
1
Amen. After all the agony involved in getting my ILR, I'm now trying to figure out a way to go for citizenship when I'm eligible in November and hopefully dodge all the new and improved hoops that will be in place (they hope) by next Spring. Earned citizenship by way of forced community service?!?! And WTF is a 'probationary citizen' supposed to be anyway? They talk about not wanting people to be in limbo, but that seems a thousand times worse than just being a permanent resident. I particularly enjoy the bits where they talk about preventing immigrants from utilizing the few benefits that are available, including the NHS.
As much as I love being here, there are some days when I regret not bringing my husband to the US instead. The USCIS isn't much better than BIA in a lot of ways but it's nothing on this level.
Posted by: tanis at February 26, 2008 11:09 AM (6cH2N)
2
*hmph*
So you have time to write letters to your children and to government figures, but no time for a blog post?
I'm deeply hurt.
Oh, and doesn't Mr Brown realize that this sort of thing was why people left GB for America a few years back?
Posted by: ~Easy at February 26, 2008 11:50 AM (XD24A)
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Wow. Talk about your hoops and red tape. Like you needed more stress.
Posted by: Lisa at February 26, 2008 02:34 PM (EcHBm)
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I was going to say "Wow - they're even harder on immigrants than we are in the U.S." - then I remembered Bush's fence. So I guess you're still ahead if they're not building a fence to keep you out?
Posted by: Tracy at February 26, 2008 02:40 PM (sYEOB)
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ummm, Tracy - the fence is for the ILLEGAL immigrants. Helen is a LEGAL immigrant. Big difference.
(For the record, my MOTHER is/was a legal immigrant to the US. Arrived in '63, got a green card shortly thereafter and became a US citizen in '78.)
For the law abiding in the US, this process is no where near as difficult as Helen is describing for the UK.
Posted by: Clancy at February 26, 2008 03:04 PM (X+xFB)
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Clancy,
We would have to waste a lot of money on a fence here. England has a huge moat.
Posted by: Charles at February 26, 2008 04:00 PM (iVaTz)
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The points you allude to in your post remind me of my frustration with the immigration policies and rhetoric here in the states. Logic is apparetly not a consideration on either side of the pond. We keep out well qualified and needed immigrants and vilify those who are willing and want to work at jobs that go unfilled, unwanted and untaken by "citizens" who had rather enjoy a life of unemplyment benefits.
So sad; I had assumed our British cousins were more rational.
Posted by: Charles at February 26, 2008 04:08 PM (iVaTz)
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I sympathize with your red tape ordeal. I work with lots of legal immigrants who have to dance the limbo under a flaming pole -or something like it- every year or so to remain here legally. However, I am curious as to one of your points: is it possible for you, an American citizen, to become a citizen of another country without first renouncing your American citizenship? I know that that won't be a problem for your children, but I was kind of under the impression that the US was loathe to let you become citizens of another country without renouncing your US ties first. However, I will defer to your firsthand experience, since it's not something I deal with myself. Anyway, I know it will all work out for you. Eventually.
Posted by: physics geek at February 26, 2008 04:49 PM (MT22W)
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As the American wife of a non-American in the USA (but not a Mexican, who seem to be the target of as much poisonous red tape as a country can throw) - I can tell you from experience that it is scads easier over here than over there.
That said, one of the only reasons WE don't live over there instead of over here is because while my husband can stroll over the moat and settle happily with our son as a citizen of EEA country, he is afraid I would be carted off and made to live in the UK equivilent of the twilight zone.
(((HELEN)))
Should I send some mac & cheese as moral support?
Posted by: Elizabeth at February 26, 2008 05:50 PM (DyeGv)
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I always laugh at how people talk of their disdain for immigrants, fully realising that as an American, I'm probably one myself. I guess it's because I'm white and not Eastern European, I'm ok. Bearing in mind most of those non-white and Eastern Europeans got here the same way I did (legally) and are largely more qualified and better educated than the native population, SHUT UP.
Ahem.
Posted by: MsPrufrock at February 26, 2008 10:06 PM (1NDGw)
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Brilliant letter. Can I use it?
Seriously, I was thinking much the same things when I saw his new proposals for immigrants like us. My husband is British. My kids are half-British. I have indefinite leave to remain and we pay all our taxes, thank you very much.
I think I need to get my application for British citizenship in NOW (I just became eligible this month) before all this crap kicks in.
Posted by: ewe_aer_here at February 27, 2008 10:32 PM (B8Bqx)
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Brilliant letter. Loved reading it. I'm greatful I don't have to worry about citizenship, since this is only a four year stay for us. I can't imagine being put through such impossible hoops and how doing so can possibly make you more British than council tax does. OUCH.
Also, I LOVE that you have a blog in addition to Flickr. LOVE it.
Posted by: Kelly Anne at March 02, 2008 04:46 PM (dhuNF)
Two days ago you had shots (ouch) and a weigh-in (oooh, you're nekkid!) and we got the bad news that the unhappiness you've had over solid foods has been for nothing.
You should know, as I hold your prawn-like body when you curl into me, that there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. You should know, as you look at the lights and stare at the sky and take in this new world of yours, that there are no ways you could be any more perfect to me. You should know, when I make munching noises and try to eat your hand, that there are no words to describe how very much I love you.
You had a rough beginning, my little man. You were tiny at birth, and squished into the cradle of my pelvis your cranium suffered some misshaping. You were badly jaundiced. You were forcefed. But you surprised everyone and decided you were done with the nasogastric tube, and you pulled it out yourself when you were 4 weeks premature.
Your quiet determination amazed me.
Once you started eating you were a whole different baby. Quiet, easy, happy, charming. Everyone loved you, everyone wanted to hold you. You and I drifted apart a bit, as I was the one responsible for handling your collicky sister. You became a jewel in your father's eyes, and you became someone I was desperate to get to know.
Now your sister is better and you and I have been getting to know each other. You amaze me daily with your tiny sweetness. You are calm and gentle. You observe. I think you will be a kind person.
I watched a TV program about a boys' choir, and I imagined you at age 10 or 13 or 15 just like those boys, and I found myself looking forward to that as much as I look forward to tomorrow, to 3 years old, to any minute I get to be with you.
You fell off the percentile charts and I worried so much about you I couldn't breathe. Were you unhappy? Were you ill? Would it be ok? You are so, so small - heavier than your sister but you look much more slight - and I worry about the big wide world and the toll it's taking on you.
This morning you ate your squash without protest.
And late last night your father, blowing raspberries on the bottom of your petite wrinkly foot, made you laugh long and loud.
It was the first time you've laughed.
In that moment, when I heard that magical sound, all my fears were chased away. Everything will be all right.
To hell with the doctors, we're throwing the chart out the window. I will catch you if you fall. You are a gift. We can do this, baby. We can do this. I will touch your sweet face and laugh at your silly smiles and I will hold your hand as we cross every proverbial street.
I love you right up to the moon and back, my little boy.
1
What a beautiful letter to your little guy..."to the moon and back"...what a wonderful, WONDERFUL way to express your love.
I am so SO happy for you, for all of you! I look forward to reading about your little family with wonder and awe.
Keep well.
Posted by: wn at February 23, 2008 12:21 PM (9oQQN)
Posted by: caltechgirl at February 23, 2008 08:32 PM (IfXtw)
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Such a sweet letter! Nick is his own little person and will do things his own way (not unlike his mommy). If nothing else, we know that he will forge his own path in life. How great is that?
Posted by: stacie at February 23, 2008 08:56 PM (bxoQT)
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That was beautiful. I cried, but I finally know that I get to experience the same emotion. Soon, very soon! Thanks for sharing!
Posted by: Vickiickiki at February 23, 2008 10:09 PM (/Zf3j)
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Glad the kids aren't here, because they would want to know why mom is crying.
Lovely letter.
Posted by: Teresa at February 23, 2008 10:17 PM (mOulZ)
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Lovely.
And you're right: everything will be all right. They're growing, they are putting on a bit of weight, they're happy... The charts should be tossed for premature twins... it's an unfair 'comparison', and in a year, they'll be where everybody else is at their age.
Posted by: ewe_aer_here at February 24, 2008 12:16 AM (sP0bE)
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Ah, you know how to make me cry in happiness. He's a wonder, I am sure. I know how magical the first laugh is - really special!
Posted by: kenju at February 24, 2008 03:35 AM (yvCMb)
Posted by: Lauren at February 24, 2008 08:26 PM (iUfJz)
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Wow, truly beautiful Helen. I'm sure at some point in the future he will adore this even more that we do now.
Christopher
Posted by: Mr.Thomas at February 25, 2008 03:21 AM (Xjzpw)
18
Baby laughter (especially their first laughs) is glorious. Very few things can compare. Keep enjoying the good times. The weight will come.
We had the opposite problem with Angel3; he was off the chart on the heavy end. He gained so much weight so quickly, I was afraid he was going to end up on Oprah as one of those 150 pound kindergarteners. He looked like the Michelin Tire man...lots of fat rolls. Fortunately he slowed down and is normal now, and I trust yours will pick up.
Posted by: Solomon at February 25, 2008 02:59 PM (x+GoF)
So, In Summary Then...
This morning, feeling pretty stressed, depressed and panicky, I went to the grocery store by myself, while the babies snoozed on the beanbag and Angus' worked from the study.
As I drove - and despite being nearly killed by a Waitrose driver who felt (rightly so) that his giant truck could take out my little Toyota and thus he could do what he wanted - I tried to sift the things in my mind.
The visit to the nursery went really well. The babies' carer was there and we met her and she spent some time with the babies while we filled out a sheaf of paperwork. Her name is Alice, a name that was on Nora's shortlist of names before she was born. Alice was quiet, shy, but very, very sweet. There are two whole rooms dedicated to the under 1's, and the babies in there were smiley, happy, and exploring as every part of the room has something "baby relevant" in it. At 5 months old, Nick and Nora will be the youngest babies in there and the only twins, something which made quite a splash.
I have no doubt that the babies will be fine. They might even flourish, as the nusery has massive quantities of stimulating toys and activities. They might not even notice I'm not there.
But I'll notice they're not around.
As my hands scanned shelves for various things we did and didn't need in the grocery store, I thought about yesterday's visit with the health visitor.
The babies got their last injections and another weigh-in. In the past week we've been feeding the babies solids, aka "Dear Jesus, Let the Screaming End". The good news is they both love pears. The bad news is they hate everything else. Further bad news - if I thought I was doing a lot of laundry before, it has nothing on the sheer quantity I'm doing now. We also swapped teats on them, so that now they don't drink a bottle so much as it's a controlled drowning. This in an effort to get them to up the amount of food they're taking. We know that we're not adding that many calories per se, but we were hoping that the solids (which we never serve in bottles) on top of their usual bottle schedule (only with more formula than before) meant that the sheer quantity of food would help the situation.
All that work, and the babies haven't improved. In fact, yesterday Nick dropped off the lowest percentile graph, officially entering what I call No Man's Land. They weigh as much as the average 9 week old baby, even though they're heading towards 21 weeks (17 weeks gestationally). Whichever way you cut it, they're tiny. Tiny but long, as Nick is heading into 3 month clothes based on his length alone. They are growing - these suits were worn for their last time yesterday, as the babies are getting too long for them. And they are gaining weight, just paltry amounts.
The health visitor even shook her head and wondered aloud what we could do.
When you stump the health professional you know you're in it.
I worry that people will think I don't feed them enough or that I'm a bad mother. I know neither is the case, the babies are happy, healthy, alert and curious. They eat what they want. I just can't get them to gain weight, we're heading towards 5 months old and they are under 11 pounds (5 kilos). They tell you in IVF land that mulitples have problems - you face illness, pre-eclampsia (which I had), premature birth (which I had), and physical and developmental problems. The babies are weeks behind developmentally but I'm not too worried about that, apparently by the age of 1 they'll be caught up. But physically we're way behind, and I worry their small size means their exposure to illness will be that much harder.
There is a sale on baby clothes in the shop. I add some 3-6 months clothes into my cart, unsure when the hell they'll actually fit into them. They look enormous. I tell myself it doesn't matter, they'll get there when they get there and if they're small now, we'll just put the clothes away until they're ready. Nick and Nora are healthy. They're fine. At some point they'll grow like a weed.
Yesterday too was the anniversary of the day I found out I was pregnant. I can't believe it was a year ago. It feels like longer. I still have that pregnancy test and I always will. But it was all just a little too much to be thinking about, you know? x+y+z = total meltdown of Helen's already overloaded circuits.
I throw a load of sugary kids' yogurts in the cart. Melissa and Jeff arrive on Sunday for a week stay. I'm both looking forward to it and not looking forward to it - the arguments, the laughter, the hecticness, the Kanye Fucking West playing at top level, the games, the bonding, the noise. It'll be good to see them and upsetting to have the routine rocked, because I feel a little fragile just now. They're back again just after Easter then for a while Angus will have to go see them - when the renovation is ongoing there just won't be room for all of us in our then-2 bedroom house. I will miss them then, I know.
I realize it's heading on for time to feed the babies again, and so I make myself hustle in the shop.
I feel blue and I don't know why.
I feel stressed and I don't know why.
I have no right to complain, I know, and I'm sorry - I have a good guy in the other room, one who found a website that monitors the electricity consumption in the country and now excitedly keeps me updated - "Scotland is awake! Look at their consumption, it's at about 7,000 mega-kilowatts!" (or something like that). I have two incredible and gorgeous babies (I think they're beautiful anyway. I know it's subjective. I'll tell you your cat/dog/horse/kids are cute if you just nod your head here and don't tell me my kids are poster children for plastic surgery.) I have my health (meh), I have a job (double meh), I have a good home (with shitty heating, so pardon me while I go light a fire now). You're maybe bored of reading about my infants. Certainly you're bored about reading how much formula they drink, and I'd understand that. You probably want to smack me much like the Waitrose driver. After reading this post I want to smack myself, actually. Sorry about this.
I try to talk myself out of the blues - Big deal that they're too small! They're happy! They're healthy! They love pears! They're not bleeding from various orifices! Soon they'll be solving complex calculus equations during potty training sessions! Ignore people's worries about their size and just enjoy them! It nearly works, but when other people worry - especially health professionals who, you know, know things - I catch on to it like the bubonic plague.
I'll shut the fuck up now, and promise some non-baby posts next week.
-H.
PS-many thanks to my anonymous benefactor (there was no sender information with the sweet note included from Amazon). This spectacular book arrived yesterday and cheered me up. I can't wait to read it to the babies, thank you very much!
1
Nope, not bored! Avidly following along, curious what each day with bring.
Everybody feels blue from time to time. I think that this, too, will pass - just pamper yourself however you can.
Posted by: Hannah at February 22, 2008 11:51 AM (KuL2D)
2
Baby posts are much more preferable than posts about female bodily functions. Just don't post TOO much about the babies' bodily functions, puleeze?
Ah, never mind me. This is your blog, post whatever you want. I'll just get over myself.
Posted by: diamond dave at February 22, 2008 11:56 AM (a7s8a)
3
Not bored yet, Helen!! Keep trying!
I know it is difficult not to worry about the babies and their weight...I have no answers I'm afraid. My niece, who will be one on monday, also dropped off the chart with her lack of weight gain and was put on extra calorific milk from the hospital...don't know the name of it but it had extra fat content. She's now back on track and eating everything she can! Took a while though, she started on the milk at about 4months cos she hadn't put any weight on.
Don't really know what I'm trying to say here but hopefully the twins will start to do the same thing as Lily and before you know it, they'll weigh a ton!! Well, 23pounds!!
Try to keep smiling Helen, again, we are all here, supporting you from afar.
Love and hugs.
Posted by: Suzie at February 22, 2008 12:21 PM (weSjv)
4
Here's my theory: Your babies are being compared against the sizes of other modern babies. I know here in the U.S. we're always hearing about how we're getting bigger and heavier than our ancestors and that it's not good. My son was always on the tail end of the charts too but he looked perfectly fine to me and I suspect he was compared to children in the past, just not the pumped up version of today's child.
Posted by: paula at February 22, 2008 12:41 PM (85LwO)
5
Nope, not bored. It's always been about you - that is why we read. The babies are part of you. Just wait... in 10 or 12 years they'll start blogs and we'll read them as well...
Posted by: pam at February 22, 2008 01:02 PM (l6NIn)
6
I know you feel like we might get bored with the baby posts, but I really have to say that is not the case. I look forward to reading anything you write, but the stuff about the babies takes the cake.
I am not a mom and for the longest time never wanted to be one. Still not sure that I do, but reading what you have gone through and the joy you have now ... Let's just say I am starting to change my mind. And the pictures ... Oh my ... Your babies are so beautiful and whenever there's a pic I share it with my co-worker so we can smile at the start of our day.
Thanks for sharing them with us and I just hope you continue to do so!
Posted by: Kelly at February 22, 2008 01:25 PM (Cid/I)
7
You need to focus on what you know. The babies are happy and healthy. So what if they're a little small? I was TINY as an infant and now I'm 6' tall. Give them time, they'll be fine. Stop worrying so much!! I love your blog - baby posts and all. Keep it up or you'll have quite a number of unhappy readers!
Posted by: Niki at February 22, 2008 01:41 PM (kZ48J)
8
I love the baby posts too! I came back to work after 3 months (the max I could get here in the States, isn't that lovely)? And it was the hardest thing I've had to do. But ultimately, I'm glad that I did.
Good luck with all that you're dealing with now. I do look forward to more baby posts!
Posted by: Jessica at February 22, 2008 01:49 PM (+sDQh)
9
Our's are two, but they're entering daycare next week. Although we have a nanny, I work from home so they've never been away from me.
I'm blue and unbelievably anxious, too.
Posted by: Suz at February 22, 2008 01:55 PM (VN0e5)
10
Do not fret. If the babies are alert and otherwise healthy then their (lack of) weight won't be a problem. I had a "cousin" who had weight loss during his second year, they thought it might be celiac disease, he wasn't progressing, yadda yadda, but then it cleared up on its own and turned out to be nothing more than a transient condition. No long-term effects, developmental or otherwise.
Posted by: B. Durbin at February 22, 2008 02:02 PM (tie24)
11
I love all the news you have to share, whether it be the babies or your pond or your lack of heat. When you have lunch or coffee with your girlfriend, you want to know EVERYTHING that's going on with her...right? Same goes with your blog. I want to know, because through an invisible cord, I feel connected to you after reading you for years. Please don't feel as if you need to be selective in your blogging.
As for your munchkins...don't worry so much. Your motherly instincts will guide you...and that's much more reliable than percentiles and the averages. Your kids are miracles. Having them didn't happen in likely circumstances, as you have said, so it's likely, then, that raising them won't go by the book either. Sit back, relax, and breathe, my friend.
Posted by: Lauren at February 22, 2008 02:09 PM (iUfJz)
12
Helen,
I am the mom of three boys that took forever to be on the chart. I know it is easy for me to say don't worry but really try to relax and believe in yourself as a mother. The doctors don't know everything. My oldest and youngest both started on the chart and fell of completely about 5 months. My oldest now 8 is on at the 25% and is dong great. My middle son was born at 36 weeks and did not catch up to the chart until he turned 6 and he is in the 10%. My baby who is two is the size of a one year old, he only weights 20 pounds. But he is smart and talks like crazy. Just love them and feed them what they will eat.
Try not to worry. I also suffer from depression so I know how hard not worring is.
Erin
Posted by: Erin at February 22, 2008 04:05 PM (sNEFa)
13
Hang in there, H. Between milestones and anticipation this is a tough month for you. It will pass, really. The fact that the health visitor is stumped says to me that she can't figure out how the babies can be so atypical (extraordinary, if you will) - so healthy and happy at a size that "should" (if you ask the medical books) indicate problems. Some babies are just small. A friend of mine's daughter was so small she looked like a walking doll at a year old - adorable!! and very healthy, happy, and otherwise quite normal.
I'm glad the nursery visit went well. I really think it sounds like a perfect place for them to hang out while you do grownup stuff like work. Very exciting! I hope the visit from M&J goes well too. There is a lot on your plate right now - don't beat yourself up for feeling tense. I feel tense sometimes facing much less than you are.
I think you're holding up remarkably well.
Oh - and I will never be bored reading anything you write. You are more than a blogger to me - you're a friend keeping me in touch with how you're doing from day to day, whether you realize it or not.
Thank you for keeping in touch.
Posted by: Lisa at February 22, 2008 04:36 PM (EcHBm)
14
Sorry to hear they haven't gained. Have you tried making the formula more concentrated? Karen has a bunch of posts (my perky ovaries) about making more calorific milk for her daughter, but essentially it's about adding another scoop of formula to get to milk that's about 24-26 calories/oz rather than 21 calories/oz or wherever it starts from. Worth a try?
Posted by: thalia at February 22, 2008 04:55 PM (IGlgm)
15
Have you tried making more concentrated formula? Adding another scoop of powder to the same volume of liquid? Karen has been doing this for her preemies and it seems to be helping. She (my perky ovaries) has some posts you could use to do the calculations if you want. Worth a try?
Posted by: thalia at February 22, 2008 04:57 PM (IGlgm)
16
Scott was a runt for a long time. He was 8lbs 7oz at birth, but at 5 weeks was just over 7lbs. At Christmas (his birthday is in Oct.) he was still wearing the outfits he had been wearing since birth. I was frought with worry, as Veronica was born at 9 1/2 lbs and by Christmas (Oct birth too) she had been in the 110th percentile. Scott was gaining and losing back and forth. Then at 6 months, like magic, he went completely bald and got chubby. He just kept going from there and at a year was in the 90th percentile. Not that percentiles are the end-all-be-all, but he grew. I don't know how or why, but for the first 6 months he didn't really grow much at all, then he did. The babies might amaze you and all of a sudden have a growth spurt out of nowhere. Cold comfort now, but they are healthy in every way-their weight just needs to catch up with them, and I believe it will.
Good news on the nursery-Alice sounds like she will be great with the Lemonheads and the nursery sounds lovely.
Posted by: Teresa at February 22, 2008 04:58 PM (4iQg6)
17
Both of my daughters were robust and big babies. My nephew was not. He was terribly thin, and always appeared to me to be emaciated. He was always in the lowest percentiles in terms of his age/weight.
My mother was concerned, and bombarded my sister with all kinds of advice. My wife shook her head and insisted that my sister wasn't feeding the baby enough.
Today my nephew is a typical 3 year old boy. Energetic as hell and very smart.
The only expert on the babies is YOU. If they seem OK to you, then the hell with everyone else.
Posted by: ~Easy at February 22, 2008 05:11 PM (XD24A)
18
I would repeat what others have said and that you already know. I struggle with a tiny girl - in fact was pressured to stop nursing because of it. No matter what your head knows, it's stressful to hear that your babies aren't gaining wait "as they should." But you know it all - alert, happy, learning things, good color, clear eyes all mean they are FINE.
You have every right to complain, you are stressed and understandably so. I'm thinking of you!
Posted by: donna at February 22, 2008 05:14 PM (TzLxV)
19
Personally I will be dissapointed to read about anything else, plus it isnt always about the bebes, you sprinkle in other stuff too!
Posted by: Cheryl at February 22, 2008 06:00 PM (n3lCA)
Posted by: Uccellina at February 22, 2008 06:26 PM (Xi5Ly)
21
I actually called my Mom yesterday to ask if PPD at this stage of the game is unheard of. Its just hard Helen, this new life is such an adjustment, much more than you can ever anticipate. Having the health visitor so frequently just stresses you out, its good for the babies but its also a lot to deal with, keeping their size in the front of your mind, always.
Hang in there, I know thats crap but it's all I have for you.
Posted by: Christina at February 22, 2008 07:22 PM (J6Yo6)
22
Oh babe. I told my hubby when we were in the NICU that I discovered how eating disorders were born - just tell the mother of a newborn infant three little words: "Failure. To. Thrive."
Now take a deep breath. And realize that the stupid twit doctor who actually uttered those dreaded words to me was speaking about that sturdy toddler you are forced to look at ad nauseum in my flickr stream.
I hope that helps ease your mind about growth. Screw those fucking charts. Nick and Nora are doing wonderfully. They just didn't get the memo about the charts, you know?
And in conclusion I believe I've told you before but I'l repeat it again: I'd read your grocery list (and I think I have, haven't I?) - but I'm thrilled to read about your babies and am always willing to offer my shoulder in support. These months are really, really tough on even the most resilient of people - and you've definitely got the Blue Plate Special of stress.
Remember to be kind to yourself. And that you are loved. And that this, too, shall pass.
xoxo
Posted by: Margi at February 22, 2008 07:48 PM (IYBY1)
23
I too, like the baby posts.
I love hearing about your family. Just wondering, when you are talking to Angus or the kids, do you ever accidentally call them by the names listed here?
Posted by: Andria at February 22, 2008 10:09 PM (Oo4k1)
24
Helen, just an idea for the babies... maybe try to add a bit of cereal to their bottles - a tablespoon or two, depending on how much formula they're taking at a time. Clancy and I had to do it for our little one because of her reflux but I've also heard of people doing it to add calories and nutrients. Just a thought...
Posted by: Jodi at February 22, 2008 10:19 PM (oqnmF)
25
I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. I have only recently gotten away from the weight-based paranoia I had with P given the difficult time she had gaining weight thanks to reflux. It didn't help that loads of people would always say, "What a dink!" or "She's so small! She's way too tiny for a six month old!", etc etc. I felt like not only had I failed to create a baby without help, but I couldn't even keep her healthy and nourished.
P was only about 11 1/2 pounds at 6 months, and as of today, is a robust 21 lb 19 month old. She is still only about 20% for weight and height, but I've gradually accepted that she's just, ahem, "petite". She is healthy, and that's what matters. As long as Nick and Nora are healthy, screw the percentiles.
I hope you feel better soon. Also, where can I get readers to send me books??
Posted by: MsPrufrock at February 22, 2008 11:54 PM (1NDGw)
26
hmmmm, i think doctors exist to make parents paranoid about a baby's weight. My son is now 16 months old and has always been in the low percentiles for weight. I got so sick of hearing people say how small he was, wondering how he could be so petite when my husband and I are both quite tall. He is now in the 85th percentile for height and 10th for weight,and I have finally quit worrying about it.
It sounds as though the twins are doing fine. They will gain. It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. Even if you have "everything you ever wanted", parenting is hard. Life is hard. Marriage/partnership is hard. Balancing it all is even harder. Sometimes you just want to wander the aisles of the grocery store and then go home and chug a bottle of wine! It's ok to complain.
Posted by: sarah at February 23, 2008 12:08 AM (2hQM0)
27
No advice, just sending a hug your way. There are good days and bad days, high and lows, up and downs.
Like Thalia said, maybe check out Karen at My Perky Ovaries. Her Ellie is a small one who is having trouble gaining weight as well.
You are a great mom. Don't think that in anyway their slow weight gain has anythhing to do with you. They are just being typical children, not doing what you want them to do. I feel you will probably have many more years of dealing with this!
Posted by: Erica at February 23, 2008 12:46 AM (D6tE/)
28
I come here for your honesty, not to live your exciting life vicariously. So, you're down. If you didn't feel down, would the ups be as sweet and welcome? Your life is changing at a frantic pace and has been for a while. If you didn't feel down, I'd be concerned. Feel free to feel! As long as you are feeling, you are still alive. That counts for something, doesn't it? I'm sure it does to your wonderful man and beautiful babies.
Posted by: malenkka at February 23, 2008 01:00 AM (qYb7+)
29
Do not ever apologize for posting about the children or your life in general. That's what we come here for. The babies ARE beautiful, Helen, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
Posted by: kenju at February 23, 2008 03:34 AM (yvCMb)
30
I heard the words of my therapist while I read your post. It went like this: Girl! Don't you know by now that you don't need a reason for your feelings? They don't have to be justified.
They just are.
Hugs to you and everyone in the house (and the yard).
Posted by: Stella at February 23, 2008 04:09 AM (sFS+Z)
31
I work with families of babies who are struggling to gain weight.
I have had great success with avacado as one of the first solids. Babies love it very very ripe and mushed up. It is *so* high in fat (the good kind). And it is green.
Perhaps try sweet potato and bananas.
Posted by: Kitty at February 23, 2008 05:45 PM (9Emp0)
1
Pretty amazing stuff, huh? I could think of no one who deserved the blessing of children as much as you... and that still holds true. Like they say, "Don't sweat the small stuff." It'll all work out.
Posted by: sue at February 21, 2008 07:21 PM (geYhK)
2
Children are a glorious thing and a huge blessing...even accidents like Angel3.
Posted by: Solomon at February 21, 2008 07:26 PM (al5Ou)
3
next thing you know you will be telling walt disney your name is jiminy cricket too
h... you know I couldnt be happier for you! you give me hope and faith my dear
Posted by: stinkerbell at February 21, 2008 07:31 PM (O3iDX)
Posted by: stacie at February 21, 2008 10:00 PM (bxoQT)
8
yay! What a great anniversary! Take those 90 seconds with them today, again
Posted by: Christina at February 21, 2008 10:06 PM (J6Yo6)
9
You know, I still have my pee stick from Babylove. That was the most incredulous I think I've ever been.
Kiss your little blessings from Aunt Margi, kay?
xoxo
Posted by: Margi at February 21, 2008 10:18 PM (IYBY1)
10
Oh Congratulations, Helen -- what a fabulous day to remember. I know how wonderful you must have felt then and what a wonderful memory it is to have today
Posted by: Heather at February 22, 2008 01:35 AM (c1S6M)
11
It is amazing how one little line can make you feel so much.
All smiles here for you love!
Posted by: Teresa at February 22, 2008 03:06 AM (kZ+Em)
I'm going to live to be 103! I play safe for you and me, cause I'm no fool!
Last night we watched a special on how to live life into your 100's. It was a bit of an eye opener, especially for someone like me who once swore she'd never make it to 30 (and I nearly didn't, but hey - we all fuck up our expectations from time to time).
My family isn't great in the longevity department. I have two grandparents still around who are in their 70's, but generally speaking we tend to punch out in our late 60's. I'm sure a part of that has to do with tough lives, for some reason my maternal side of the family always seemed to get the real short end of the stick, including Great Depression living, wars, diseases, hard lives farming, and my great-grandpa worked his years in a tire factory leading to a lifetime of black lung. Real upbeat shit, really.
My father's side survives longer - we have my cantankerous and thoroughly mental Japanese grandma who will likely keep trucking into her 90's, driving everyone around her crazy with her juvenile and egotistical behavior. She's got a lot of chutzpah, that woman - she knows she's selfish and doesn't apologize for it. It makes you want to simultaneously applaud her and throttle her.
My stepmother's family is the one really going strong - her mother Nobu (who is in her late 60's) is very healthy and active, and my stepmother's family in Osaka includes her grandmother who is nearly 100. It's true, she's not doing well - she suffers from Alzheimers and when Nobu last visited her, she thought Nobu was a cigarette - but other than her mental deterioration she's physically in top form.
Angus' family live forever. They just keep going and going and going. He lost one grandfather in his prime to TB just after the war but the rest of his grandparents lived well into the 90's, his mother's father passing away just a few years ago at 100. He received his telegram from the Queen (which is tradition here if you see your 100th birthday) and then pretty much decided it was time to die. So he did. Angus' parents are very healthy and active in their mid-70's and show no sign of slowing down.
So conceivably, even though I'm 12 years his junior and women live longer than men, it's likely that he'll outlive me. If he gets his high blood pressure under control, that is. I've signed him up for the world's most thorough physical in March, including running on a treadmill while wired up to various devices and that whole "lubing up the two middle fingers" part, as he's never had a complete physical and I think it's important his health is checked. Plus seeing as I have to be over-gooed every three years maybe it's time he learns what too much lube feels like (or maybe that's one area where you can't overlube).
This programme we watched showed that Okinawans have the healthiest and longest lives, so maybe there's a gene in me somewhere that does have a connection to my Asian roots and I'll be tooling along gardening when I'm 106. But considering the fact that I'm both whiter than white and that I hate gardening, it seems unlikely. I have few Asian characteristics, apart from the round Asian face, an epicanthic fold, and the inability to drink very much without getting riotously drunk. Basically, I got the crap genes. Beyond that I'm built - and look - like a Russian peasant.
Living to 100 was once an amazing feat but happens with more and more regularity these days. How do I feel about living a long, long time? Frankly, I'm not sure. I fear losing my faculties (both physical and mental) as I wouldn't want to be a burden on any family member. And I wonder about quality of life. I'm not saying people in their 100's suffer from a lack of quality, but I'm not sure I could handle seeing my partner, my friends, my family, even potentially my children die before me. In my mind the older ones should go first, which seems to be a very "let's push grandma in front of the train" point of view, but maybe I'm a traditionalist there.
The programme summarized how to live longer by saying that the one key in most cultures to living to 100 is to eat no meat whatsoever, to undereat the daily recommended caloric intake of 2000 calories, to have complete and implicit faith in a deity, to never smoke, never drink, and to exercise every day. Follow these severe patterns to a T and you've got a great chance of hitting 100.
Angus looked at me. "I'll go earlier, thank you."
I didn't miss a bit. "Me too," I replied.
-H.
PS-our nursery initiation session is this afternoon. It's all I can really think about.
1
In my teen years I used to say that I wanted to live to 100, then be shot to death by a jealous husband.
PS: Let Angus know that I just got my first prostate check and it wasn't really that bad.
Posted by: ~Easy at February 20, 2008 11:46 AM (XD24A)
2
I always think that should read... and it will FEEL like you've lived to 100.
I don't think anything contributes to a longer (and happier) life than the ability to eliminate or at least cope with stress. (I'm working on this).
Posted by: Rosy at February 20, 2008 12:00 PM (bEVc/)
3
I have a grandmother who will be 100 in November. She still lives alone and only stopped driving about 3 years ago (after an accident). She can't remember 5 minutes ago, but can tell you a story from 70 years ago like it happened yesterday. She eats like a mouse, but eats real butter, real fat and way WAY too much sugar in her tea...
Posted by: Clancy at February 20, 2008 01:40 PM (HPYJV)
4
The news interviewed a woman here who lived to be 105 (I think) recently. I remember her saying her secret to a long life was to eat well, exercise, don't smoke, and don't have sex. Yeah, you read that last one right. After hearing that list, I decided I'd rather check out early.
Posted by: geeky at February 20, 2008 02:14 PM (ziVl9)
5
Good luck with the nursery visit. I hope the babies love the place and their new caregiver and that you leave with a great feeling of hope.
I am sure it's not been far from your mind all week.
As for living to 100 - I'll pass. I don't think my chances are that good anyway, even though I'm fairly healthy now. My mom passed at 68; my grandparents all made it to their 80s though. My biological father is still alive but I haven't seen him in years. At one point in my life I also couldn't visualize living past 35. Glad I did though.
Posted by: Lisa at February 20, 2008 02:55 PM (EcHBm)
6
Unless you're cogent, the later years are the crap ones anyway. You're back in diapers, your muscle tone sucks and you most likely have to hand your license back over to the state, leaving yourself to rely on a poor family member to take you to the grocery store at 7am on a Tuesday.
Fuck that.
Posted by: statia at February 20, 2008 03:31 PM (lHsKN)
7
What a cool sounding video. I have always known that I intend to live to be over 100. I have just decided that it will be so. I don't necessarily, do anything particularly healthy to ensure that, though. I haven't decided yet, how long after 100, but over 100 to some degree.
Christopher
Posted by: Mr.Thomas at February 20, 2008 05:10 PM (bB3uL)
8
I'm with Statia. I don't fear death (unless, you know, it's a fire-y one) but aging? SCARES THE SHIT OUTTA ME.
By now, you've been to nursery and things are good. I'm hoping.
Posted by: Margi at February 20, 2008 05:54 PM (IYBY1)
9
P.S. Thanks for the Jiminey Cricket earworm. Bitch. Hahahaha!
Posted by: Margi at February 20, 2008 05:55 PM (IYBY1)
10
Eat no meat? Exercise everyday? No drinking?
Yeah...I guess I'm gonna kick it before 100....and that's ok with me.
Posted by: Heidi at February 20, 2008 07:08 PM (IfWzt)
11
I hope the trip to the nursery was good and helped settle some uneasiness I know you're feeling.
There is a part of me that wants to make it to 100+ like seeing my kids and their kids and so on .. plus, there's having Willard Scott announce my name on the Today show! OK, he'll have bought the farm by then. The other part of me isn't willing to become one of those people who attributes their resemblance of a raisin on clean living. I'm a dirty girl - er, don't tell the kids.
With that said, I do want to live long enough to feel like I've had a full life. With my step-grandfather found out he had terminal cancer he was OK with it, saying he had lived a full, productive and happy life. There wasn't any more that he could've or would've asked for.
Posted by: Michele at February 20, 2008 09:45 PM (h1vml)
12
You are so lucky you only have to go to the OB every 3 years! I wish it were that way over here,
hope the nursery visit went well. Can't wait to read about it.
Posted by: Christina at February 21, 2008 12:56 AM (J6Yo6)
13
My mother died at age 48 of an aortic aneuryusm thing that runs in our family (she was the fifth person to die at age 4
. I have always figured that I would go out then as well. If that's true, I should run up shitloads of debt and start taking cruises because I only have five an a half years left. However, I wouldn't even be able to enjoy it because I would be in fear of living to 100 even though it is highly unlikely.
Hope the nursery visit went well. Can't wait to hear about it!
Posted by: sophie at February 21, 2008 12:59 AM (ZPzQL)
14
My dad used to say that he wanted to live to be 150 only to then die mid-orgasm after being shot in the back by a jealous husband... (He didn't make it, but it's a worthy goal to aspire to in my book).
Posted by: Clancy at February 21, 2008 01:52 PM (HPYJV)
15
Hope your trip to the nursery soothed your nerves, even if just a little bit.
I want to know who wants to live to be 100 if you can't do any of the things that make life worth living? A life well lived is worth more then the number of years spent here, if all you do is sit and wait for the 100 candles on your cake. I worked at a nursing home for years and saw a lot of oldsters reach the 100 mark, and it didn't look all that grand. Diapers, wheelchairs, commodes, and lots of delusions. These two ladies always wheeled around together, and visitors thought it was so cute that they were "best friends". Little did they know that one thought the other was her husband, and the other thought that she was with her son. Good times.
Of course, to each his own-but in the meantime, hand me the bottle, the cake, and the remote, I have important work to do.
Posted by: Teresa at February 21, 2008 03:59 PM (kZ+Em)
Construction
I don't like talking about money, money makes me stress out badly, money reminds me of heated arguments. Money may make the world go round, but is also funds the divorce lawyers. I've mentioned a few times that as of March we're under serious belt-tightening, and the two largest reasons for that are nursery and the extension.
Growing up, my family didn't have much money. Like nearly everyone I know we lived paycheck to paycheck, and that continued for much of my adult life. Unlike my sister, my family didn't pay for my education or living so when I finished with a BA and half of my Master's (lesson learned - don't stop school, because you'll never go back) I was heavily in debt. I had the debt from my first marriage, debt of student loans, and the huge credit card debt I'd amassed just trying to get through school. I think I was somewhere in the region of $30,000 or so. Once I started working I hit a new low in income - Sallie Mae wanted their money back and each month $5.00 would literally make or break my budget.
It was hell.
As I kept working ferociously I kept getting promoted. Just before I left the States I had reached a point where I was earning good money and making a lovely living, but I was still mired deeply in debt. Debt, man. It keeps you awake at night.
When I moved to Sweden my ex-husband and I managed to pay off every last penny I owed thanks to two good real estate investments, and for this reason when we split up I signed over my portion of the house and all of the equity to him, as I felt it was fair. I was debt-free. Broke and with nothing to my name but a few Swedish pensions that won't be worth much in thirty years, but debt free.
Angus and I lived in rented homes for several years here, so I chucked half of my salary into savings. When we bought our house it was partly thanks to him selling one of their two homes, the home he got in the divorce. We have a house with a mortgage (and will have that mortgage for a long time, even though we pay more than the interest payments in order to cut into the capital) and a savings account to try to address the renovation.
Said renovation is to start in March.
We honestly can't wait much longer - Melissa and Jeff are feeling very uncomfortable and insecure about the fact that Melissa's room is also the guest room and Jeff, well he got usurped by the babies and now sleeps on the fold-out sofa in the study. It's important to be sensitive to their needs and ensure they feel like part of the family, an extension will give them their own rooms and the babies a room for them to share (which I support). We have no storage space anywhere. The antiquated heating is failing, and worse the ancient boiler has started to give up its will to live, right in the coldest week of weather we've had yet. Angus has only just managed to keep it going, but we're all in layers of clothes and the fireplace burns merrily in the afternoons and evenings. The windows, which are original and from the 1910s, are single pane and bleed energy out of the house. The kitchen, which we've always hated and always planned to replace, is falling apart.
We can't move, as the housing prices are soaring right now, and as I've said here we got this house for a steal. This house is also in a quiet, safe neighborhood in the middle of nowhere, a neighborhood where people look out for each other and always wave. The backyard is enormous, fully fenced in, and completely private. It's a perfect house to raise kids in...once changes are made.
In short, the time has come to renovate.
The sum of money for the renovation is staggering, and this is after we've pared it down to the bare essentials. Our savings will be gone in one fell swoop, not to mention that one bathroom and the new kitchen aren't budgeted for in the extension agreements and will be coming out of our own pockets, pockets already tight from nursery. It feels scary to fly without a net while parenting little ones. And it's a lot to think about, especially as Angus, the babies and I will continue living in the house during the renovations, which promises to suck on levels previously unseen. Both builders have assured us they'll use boards and tarps to protect the house as much as possible so that we'll be safe, but the bottom line is the babies and Angus and I will be living in two rooms of the house and I'll be thanking the lovely anonymous benefactor who sent us the playpen from my wishlist on a daily basis. Everything - apart from our daily living needs and the babies' things - is going into storage, as every room is being hit and a good chunk of the roof is coming off, too.
We're down to two builders to choose from, both of them accredited and checked out. One we call Captain America as he loves American Idol, one we call The Cowboy as he's a real go-to guy. We like them both but haven't chosen yet, which is ok as they won't start until mid-March anyway.
I'm looking forward to the other side of the building, to see what this house will be like, this house which we will live in for a long time. It's scary, though. It's a huge and very necessary change, but scary. I feel like everything is happening at once, at a pace I feel overwhelmed by. So if I get slightly more scatter-brained for a while, you'll know why.
1
Ugh... I don't envy you at all. We currently hate our house as well, and are in the process of flipping it. Just the cosmetic changes are driving me insane.
How are M and J? And, the swunt? Anything fun and exciting going on in that department?
Posted by: Andria at February 19, 2008 12:32 PM (Oo4k1)
2
Wow, sounds like things are about to get all sorts of exciting at your house! I'll be holding a good thought that the renovations go even better (and faster!) than planned!
Posted by: Erin at February 19, 2008 12:58 PM (IPMSz)
3
I do not envy you living in a house under construction. Hoping for the best for you. Is there anything else you can think of that would make your life easier while it's going on? Maybe we can all pitch in and help out somehow.
Posted by: Lisa at February 19, 2008 02:34 PM (EcHBm)
4
Good luck. Renovations are hard, but I'm sure that your home will be beautiful
Posted by: Suz at February 19, 2008 02:47 PM (VN0e5)
5
Funny, but we bought the same house but oh, about 6,000 miles apart. Hah.
We signed papers and owe the windows people for the next ten years (fewer if my arms and fingers will hold up a little longer).
It's stressful and it's necessary. I totally agree with Lisa on the pitching in for some relief for you guys. Lemme know if I can help?
xoxo
Posted by: Margi at February 19, 2008 08:00 PM (IYBY1)
6
Been there, done that (but without twins) - thanks to our glorious idea of purchasing a 120 year old house (for the character - heh) AND because a hurricane came through and deposited a foot of water in the first floor. You have my deepest sympathy and best wishes.
Seriously, it was the hardest thing we've ever done and put a major strain on our relationship. We lived in basically two rooms and a bathroom for almost a year and ended up in couples counseling by the end of it. Just know that it's awful and be prepared for it - and you'll be fine and gloriously happy once it's complete.
Posted by: Amy at February 19, 2008 08:56 PM (B6PB0)
7
I know I've been very quiet for a long time Helen, but I have been reading about and celebrating the safe delivery of the babies as well as enjoying your pictures showing us their progress. Thank you so much for sharing your family with us.
We did a major reno 25 years ago when our children were very young, although not infants, and we lived in the house during the construction. I still remember opening my eyes very early one morning to the site of workmen tiptoeing in and out of my bedroom because they needed access to some pipe or beam that came out in my closet. At least with the babies you'll already be up at the crack of dawn. *g* In your favour, Nick & Nora will be in daycare by then I think(?)so that's a huge plus as far as keeping them out of the dirt and dust. Pack *everything* away! I don't care how well the builder seals off the work area, dust still always sifts over everything so the emptier the rooms are, the easier the final cleanup.
It's a mess and a pain in the ass but so worth it when it's all over and you're enjoying your expanded space.
Posted by: Jocelyn at February 19, 2008 09:17 PM (vlhLs)
8
Debt is a soul killer. I've been there, not fun. As for home renovations, you have my sympathies, and just hope they don't find anything else wrong while they're doing the upgrades. I could write a book (and I promise to someday blog about this) about my own experience with an older farmhouse that had been previously renovated by someone with the IQ of a dead mule and all the common sense of a drunken football hooligan on game day. Hence, even more debt. Vicious cycle, ja?
Posted by: maolcolm at February 20, 2008 11:15 AM (T0mIN)
9
I'm with Lisa... if there is anything we can do from thousands of miles away, just say it. We'll see what we can do.
Been there, done that... no, not with twins, just with four kids. It is a challenge to the nth degree, but if you get through this you're gonna be so proud of yourselves and your new space! Hang in there... one step at a time. Just don't get disappointed if it doesn't go as quickly as you would like... it always seems there are delays for one reason or another. Always.
Keep breathing....
Posted by: sue at February 21, 2008 07:17 PM (geYhK)
10
I hope the renovations go well...
And I don't even want to think about all the stuff we still have to do to our house, and it's brand new!
Posted by: ewe_are_here at February 21, 2008 10:44 PM (sP0bE)
Thrown Into the Deep End
Angus and I and two slightly grumpy babies turned up at the swimming pool at the local council Leisure Centre on Friday morning. We were packed to the gills with anything and everything we thought we might need, and we were both wearing our swimsuits under our clothes.
My suit was chafing horribly because as I had slipped it on in our bathroom I realized that my triangular pubic patch had been a little, shall we say, unattended. It's not like it was insane, Robin Hood and Little John weren't going to burst out of the forest or anything, but it definitely needed some attention. I had gotten a waxing shortly before the babies were born, and although trimming was had in the meantime the hedge, it was looking a little uneven if you know what I mean. So I lathered up, addressed the situation with my Lady Bic, and sighed when I realized I had that telltale spray of razorburn.
Oh well. Better razorburn than Tarzan and Cheetah having a picnic on my thighs.
We go to the reception desk. I try not to itch my beaver. I am holding Nora who is dressed not unlike Maggie Simpson in her snowsuit, looking like a starfish.
"Have you booked?" asked the receptionist.
"No, but I have cash," I say, pulling out a crumpled ten from my jeans. I left my wallet at home, figuring that two babies and two adults wouldn't cost more than ten quid.
"You haven't booked?" she asked me, looking at me incredulously.
"Um, no," I reply.
"Really?"
"Really." What's with the booking? What, do they need commitment, DNA, or a post-coital cuddle?
"All the other mothers in the course have booked in," the receptionist says, indicating a glass door through which some mothers have already absconded. I peer through the door and see the teaching pool, with mothers bouncing babies wearing those orange inflatable arm thingys that always make me feel like kids have day-glo marshmallows strapped to their biceps.
"I didn't know we had to book."
"It's a course, you have to book into the course," I am reprimanded. So all of the good, nurturing, attentive mummies have booked! It's a course! They booked the course! Naughty, negligent mummies haven't booked! Negligent mummies just turn up and throw a nasty tenner on the counter!
"Can I book in the course?" I ask wearily.
"It's full."
"Of course it is." I'm so glad I'm going to have ingrown pubes for this.
"But you can try to book into the next course, which starts in April, although the Mums already in the course have first right of refusal."
Great. It's an aquababy cartel.
We sigh and leave. When I ring the center today they tell me that I can try to get in to the April course if I show up on their doorstep by 6:30 am on March 29, and even then I may not get a place.
Maybe our kids will be into bike riding, instead of swimming.
**************************
Statia and April have recently posted photos of their bookshelves for their kids. This is a point of contention for me, not because they have books and bookshelves, but because I really don't. My babies, they're lacking. When the babies were coming you'd have thought that since reading is and always has been so important to me I'd get off my ass and do something about it. But the truth is, it kinda' slipped my mind. I got some books from Statia and Donna, but now I wonder where we go from here.
When I was a kid we had hundreds and hundreds of books. I can't even fathom how many books we had, we had everything. I used to be a voracious reader, and a lot of my books lasted many years, and then went to my sister. I had it all - all the Dr. Seuss, mass quantities of Little Golden Books, books for older children like the Amelia Bedelias and Mrs. Piggle-Wiggles...you name it. I was there.
I suppose I always thought I would get my hands on that stock someday, but it's obviously not to be. I have onlytwo of the books from my childhood, which are cheesy but I love them still. And maybe I'm approaching this wrong, but I want to integrate their book collections with books I loved as a kid as well as books that are of their generation - I typically think children's books tend to be timeless, and I love looking at their books and feeling that we might be connected, my culture and this culture.
Now that the babie are aware and awake more, they're getting into sitting on our laps as we read to them. They love this one from Statia, and Nora in particular can sit still for telling after telling of this book that Elizabeth sent. So I've been scouring the internet for used copies of books that I used to love and that I think they might love, because a) used copies are cheaper and b) I think there's something lovely and romantic about holding copies of books that were held and loved by other babies. Also, see a) again.
The problem I'm having is there aren't a lot of my childhood favorites over here, for obvious reasons. Dr. Seuss is difficult to come by over here, Silverstein is here but expensive, and my mind is going on other titles. I just can't think of any. I have some of the usuals - a few Eric Carle, I'll Love You Forever, Guess How Much I Love You, Runaway Bunny (that one is also very popular) and Knuffle Bunny. I've ordered some Boynton, Numeroff and Dr. Seuss books as well as this one I loved as a kid, but beyond that, what am I missing?
Help is needed. I've got a list going, if you can help me think of what else are "must haves" for babies to read, I'd really appreciate it - for books from either side of the pond, actually, not just from the States. I simply can't think of what books I might be missing. My brain, she is broken.
1
I had no problem getting Dr Seuss for the sprog (now 7). I think I got them from Amazon as I didn't get out much with the screamer. We did get to the library though, the sprog had his own card from being a baby (worth it because U16's don't have to pay late fees). If you find one you really like then you can set out to buy it.
In all seriousness, you might want to put their names down for swimming lessons now. The waiting list at our local pool was so long that they stopped taking names three years ago, the list is still closed now. Finding swimming lessons for four year olds is really difficult around here, you need to plan ahead like you wouldn't believe. There are ways in but they're not public knowledge.
Posted by: Caroline M at February 18, 2008 11:06 AM (x3QDi)
2
The Gruffalo - Julia Donaldson
The Hungry Caterpillar - Eric Carle
The Very Busy Spider - Eric Carle
Not now Bernard - David Mckee
Where the wild things are -
Posted by: Mia at February 18, 2008 12:02 PM (Tiupt)
3
The Little Prince- I love that book!
Have you tried buying Children's lots on Ebay, or half.com? That's where I get the majority of my books.
Right now, I am collecting different Christmas books for my two little ones. Creating a project, of sorts. I am going to wrap them all, and put them in a pretty tin by the fireplace. Every night, starting December 1st, the kids can unwrap a different book for us to read.
Posted by: Andria at February 18, 2008 01:19 PM (Oo4k1)
4
Oh, I can completely relate to your aquababy cartel . . . we have the same thing here in Marietta, GA. They used to make you line up outside the aquatic center, but now they allow on-line registration . . . which is as nerve-wracking as trying to buy concert tickets or register for college courses on-line. We went on a weekend vacation last week, and my husband brought with him his computer so we could LITERALLY stop everything at precisely 2pm on Sunday and register our 20 mo old for swimming in April/May. It's serious business!
It's quite a BIG deal . . . and everyone wants to swim with their baby . . . so I'm feeling you over here in Georgia.
So sorry you are dealing with itchy/burning panties now for nothing!!
Posted by: Heather at February 18, 2008 01:25 PM (3LxYv)
5
I love Goodnight Moon. Also there is Pat the Bunny, Corduroy, Caps for Sale, The Little Engine That Could, Make Way for Ducklings, Are You My Mother, The Velveteen Rabbit and Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I guess some of them are more for when they are older though. Any Reading Railroad books too I think. Oh man I forgot about The Giving Tree... Gets me every time...
Posted by: Lee at February 18, 2008 01:29 PM (lN4Rc)
6
What about the Paddington Bear series, The Corduroy books, If You Give A Mouse A Cookie, Make Way for Ducklings, Stone Soup, The Tale of Peter Rabbit, Winnie the Pooh, or A Child's Garden of Verses?
Posted by: Meg at February 18, 2008 02:04 PM (FfSnR)
7
I don't want to disparage that Meatball book but Oh My it is one of my least favorites. Crazy wordy - can we get to the point already. Sorry just had to vent it was your favorites so sorry about that. My kids favorites not mentioned:
Doggies by Bonyton
Brown Bear Brown Bear by Bill Martin
I have bought the Doggie book three times it is well loved (and chewed on). I guess dog love abounds in our house.
Posted by: Judi at February 18, 2008 02:36 PM (MvHfg)
8
My oldest daughter's first word was "book". We literally had over a thousand childrens books. They're gone now, but I'll think a bit and see if I can get you some good titles.
Posted by: ~Easy at February 18, 2008 03:00 PM (XD24A)
9
We got this book as a gift when the baby girl was born - and I LOVE IT!
http://www.amazon.com/Mouse-Paint-Ellen-Stoll-Walsh/dp/0152002650
Looks like your list of classics and the lists I've seen so far in the comments are right on from my childhood memories. This is a new one though that I think could be incorporated.
Happy Reading!
Posted by: Suz at February 18, 2008 03:04 PM (GhfSh)
10
I suggest starting with "Baby Mix Me a Drink" by Lisa Brown
Posted by: Dotty at February 18, 2008 03:42 PM (KJE2B)
11
The Little Bear books, written by Else Holmelund Minarik and illustrated by Maurice Sendak have always been among my favourite children's books.
Posted by: Gwyneth at February 18, 2008 03:55 PM (zHOEn)
12
you definitely need some Richard Scarry. my absolute favourite as a wee one was I am a Bunny.
http://www.amazon.com/Am-Bunny-Golden-Sturdy-Book/dp/0375827781
it's held together with duct tape by now.
Posted by: megan at February 18, 2008 04:02 PM (jy7KI)
13
"The Pokey Little Puppy" was a fave of mine. As was "One...Two...Red...Blue" with the fishes of Seuss.
Posted by: Ms. Pants at February 18, 2008 04:37 PM (+p4Zf)
14
I know I am a veritable stranger...but I have been reading along for quite some time.
We are Americans, living in Germany. Our Base Exchange has a decent selection of children's books...everything from the traditional Golden Books of our childhood to Shel Silverstein to Dr. Seuss to all of the new stuff. If you ever need a personal shopper to buy books for you (at a relatively discounted price) I would be glad too. I don't think that it would cost as much for me to ship to England through the Duetches Post as it would from an American post office. I am sure that I also have some books that my kiddos have outgrown. I will have to see what I am willing to part with.
Posted by: justdawn at February 18, 2008 04:43 PM (p90AB)
15
Oddly, most of the books we've got stashed for J were ones my father kept in his garage for me (after giving up his parental rights and being absent from my life for nearly 8 years - mind you) for fifteen years. Most of my true favorites (aside from Twiddlebugs at Work and The Penguin Who Hated the Cold) were passed on to my younger sisters, never to be seen again. Though of course, I ended up with ALL the psycho religious propaganda books. Go figure.
Anyway, most of the ones on the bookshelf in the nursery were a Richard Scarry and a Dr. Seuss lot that we picked up off ebay. And I've been looking at resale shops and tag sales for used books. Maybe you should put a wishlist of books up? *cough*hint*cough* that those of us stateside could help find for you?
Posted by: April at February 18, 2008 06:28 PM (428Y9)
16
Strega Nona and Clown of God, both by Tomie dePaola, were among my favorites as a child. I actually have autographed copies thanks to an aunt who is a children's librarian. The Giving Tree by Sol Silverstein is another good one. My daughter loved Mr. and Mrs. Smith Have Only One Child, but What a Child! I'll have to go through my kids' books to remember which were the other good ones. In general, you could look for Caldecott Award Winners to be assured of a good read. Just search Caldecott on Amazon. Hope this helps.
Posted by: Ice Queen at February 18, 2008 07:15 PM (aMkLv)
17
I am going to blatantly nick all the lovely suggestions made by everyone else. But also I have to laugh at the pristine pre-baby, or little baby bookshelves! Amy is 19 months old and LOVES her book shelf, so much so that its never in any state of order and I have to confess, the one thing I said I would never allow, does sometimes happen. That Amy loves her books a little too much and pages get bent, spines get chewed and occasionally I will even have to retire a book due to long suffering service! I figure its better that she loves to read rather than being taught that reading is an adult supervised action!
Posted by: Super Sarah at February 18, 2008 09:47 PM (R5aDp)
18
The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats was one of my favorites.
Peach and Blue by Sarah Kilborne and Steve Johnson is excellent, as is Swan in Love by Eve Bunting.
The Sheep in a Jeep series by Nancy E. Shaw and Margot Apple is silly and fun.
Posted by: Sarah at February 18, 2008 10:14 PM (lzF2D)
19
It looks like everyone already has the classics covered... so
as far as newer wonderful stuff, i discovered this author recently.. I especially love these two books:
http://mowillemsstuff.blogspot.com/2007/10/knuffle-bunny-cautionary-tale.html
and
http://bp0.blogger.com/_tg5zZZnf6e4/RyEBYrq7pUI/AAAAAAAAA8E/Sme0iskBrMo/s1600-h/Pigeon.go.jpg
Posted by: erin at February 18, 2008 11:44 PM (tXYOR)
20
It looks like everyone already has the classics covered... so
as far as newer wonderful stuff, i discovered this author recently.. I especially love these two books:
http://mowillemsstuff.blogspot.com/2007/10/knuffle-bunny-cautionary-tale.html
and
http://bp0.blogger.com/_tg5zZZnf6e4/RyEBYrq7pUI/AAAAAAAAA8E/Sme0iskBrMo/s1600-h/Pigeon.go.jpg
Posted by: erin at February 18, 2008 11:45 PM (tXYOR)
21
It looks like everyone already has the classics covered... so
as far as newer wonderful stuff, i discovered this author recently.. I especially love these two books:
http://mowillemsstuff.blogspot.com/2007/10/knuffle-bunny-cautionary-tale.html
and
http://bp0.blogger.com/_tg5zZZnf6e4/RyEBYrq7pUI/AAAAAAAAA8E/Sme0iskBrMo/s1600-h/Pigeon.go.jpg
Posted by: t at February 18, 2008 11:46 PM (tXYOR)
22
Most of the ones I would have suggested have already been mentioned. I loved all Winnie the Pooh and Raggedy Ann and Andy stories when I was young. I own the Piggle Wiggle books and the Narnia series and Madeleine L'Engle's books, A Wringkle in Time, A Wind in the Door, and A Swiftly Tilting Planet, but those are for progressively older children rather than for babies. My kids loved almost anything with only one or two easily memorized books that they could read along as they learned to talk - that was COOL. Faves were "Kittens are Like That" and "Sesame Street Count to Ten" and another Sesame Street Book featuring Grover called "I Can Dress Myself". I still have the much-loved copies around here somewhere.
I have lots of books I might be able to part with though, so I'll go through them and let you know what I come up with if you'd like.
Sorry about the swimming lessons. Lists are kept here too and often there is a waiting list, even for the older kids. And existing attendees do get first right of refusal. It's very competitive.
Posted by: Lisa at February 18, 2008 11:47 PM (EcHBm)
23
Most of the ones I would have suggested have already been mentioned. I loved all Winnie the Pooh and Raggedy Ann and Andy stories when I was young. I own the Piggle Wiggle books and the Narnia series and Madeleine L'Engle's books, A Wrinkle in Time, A Wind in the Door, and A Swiftly Tilting Planet, but those are for progressively older children rather than for babies. My kids loved almost anything with only one or two easily memorized books that they could read along as they learned to talk - that was COOL. Faves were "Kittens are Like That" and "Sesame Street Count to Ten" and another Sesame Street Book featuring Grover called "I Can Dress Myself". I still have the much-loved copies around here somewhere.
I have lots of books I might be able to part with though, so I'll go through them and let you know what I come up with if you'd like.
Sorry about the swimming lessons. Lists are kept here too and often there is a waiting list, even for the older kids. And existing attendees do get first right of refusal. It's very competitive.
Posted by: Lisa at February 18, 2008 11:47 PM (EcHBm)
24
Oof, sorry. I tried to stop my comment from posting when I discovered I should have proofread but it posted twice incorrectly. Yikes! I couldn't stand that I had italicized some titles and put others in quotes. LOL
So there you have it - the reason I have duplicate comments.
Posted by: Lisa at February 18, 2008 11:55 PM (EcHBm)
25
I'd like to add the Serendipity book series by Stephen Cosgrove, and "What do People Do all Day" by Richard Scarry. Actually, anything by Richard Scarry. "Mama Don't Allow" by Thacher Hurd is another good one (I actually was chosen out of the whole school to meet him and have him sign my books when I was in 1st grade).
Posted by: ZTZCheese at February 19, 2008 01:53 AM (7jM3p)
26
Looks like you have a good list going. I love the Mo Willems books, and my kids still love reading the Pigeon books as well as Elephant & Piggie books. My favorite book as a child, which I still have, is "The Digging-Est Dog" by Al. Perkins. I used to laugh out loud at the illustrations. How about "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" or "If you Give a Pig a Pancake"? Those were always popular at our house. My husband's treasured childhood book was both the "Alexander" books-"Bad Day" as well as "Alexander, Who Used to be Rich Last Sunday". My kids also love all the Berenstein Bear books, and my nephew is crazy for Little Critter. I still weep like a baby when I read "The Giving Tree", and my son will still request "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" on occasion.
We never had, nor still have, a bookshelf for our books. We have one small one, but they just end up stacked in a pile on it more than anything. When Veronica was little we just put all her books in milk crates in every room and then she could sort through them as she pleased, and picking them up meant just throwing them back in the crate. That is still how we do it to this day, although she has some books that are special to her that she keeps on the shelf above her bed-mostly Pokemon books. Yeah, she's nine. Scottie still loves Thomas the Tank Engine books, though he tends to keep them in bed with him rather then on the shelf over his bed. This is the way that has always worked for us, mostly because after all my work neatly arranging them, spine out, two minutes later they were back out on the floor. So I gave up.
Second hand books are great. I just recently gave a bunch of books to my nephew (I kept the ones my kids really loved and the ones that were special gifts), and the elementary school the kids attend had a big book drive for inner city schools that can not afford books for their libraries. I like the idea of a book that is well-loved being shared.
Posted by: Teresa at February 19, 2008 02:01 AM (kMI0Q)
27
Favorites I didn't see mentioned
Where the Wild Things Are, Maurice Sendak
Charlotte's Web, EB White
Beatrix Potter series
Ramona the Pest series by Beverly Cleary
Ones I learned after my niece was born...
Goodnight Gorilla board book author forgotten
Click, Clack Moo--Doreen Cronin
Undone Fairy Tale--Ian Lendler
I think the woman at the swimming should have babies poop on her. Not knowing to register isnot an unforgivable act. Sheesh!
Posted by: sophie at February 19, 2008 02:35 AM (ZPzQL)
28
What a fun and nostalgic discussion. You've gotten some great suggestions so far - I'll add a few more to the list:
Richard Scarry's Greatest Storybook Ever
Harry the Dirty Dog by Gene Zion (actually the whole Harry series is great)
Frog & Toad series - Arnold Lobel
Best Friends for Frances (& series) by Russell Hoban
Mrs. Rumphius-Barbara Cooney
the Curious George series
Tomie dePaola books are great too - his illustrations are captivating
Posted by: Carla at February 19, 2008 02:36 AM (nBdQu)
29
Children's Garden of Verses - R.L. Stevenson - definite...and anything by A.A. Milne. For when they are older...the Swallows and Amazons series!
Posted by: Madame Chiang at February 19, 2008 03:28 AM (6Gnfc)
30
What? No Mercer Mayer? perish the thought. Everything by him is utterly brilliant and beautifully illustrated. Herbert the Timid Dragon is a favorite of mine, as is the one of the little boy imagining what it would be like to live in the time of chivalry, or the professor who was trying to spot his alphabet of monsters and not being able to find a Zipperumpazoo.
Since I'm also a little counterculture, I'll suggest Terry Pratchett's book Where's My Cow?— an excellent book for children but also for parents. Neil Gaiman and Dave McKean also have a couple of children's books out— The Day I Swapped My Dad For Two Goldfish and The Wolves in the Walls. They're all Brits (or at least ex-pat Brits) so you shouldn't have trouble finding them— but the Gaiman/McKean books are shelved in adult SF over here, just so you know. They're not inappropriate for children but they're funny as heck to adults. (" 'Galveston!' shouted Patty. 'Galveston!' shouted Patty's brothers. 'Galveston!' shouted Patty's mother and father. 'Galveston!' shouted the Queen of Melanesia, who was there on a visit." I always envision that last Galveston as being said in that slightly husky older-lady voice.)
Posted by: B. Durbin at February 19, 2008 03:53 AM (tie24)
31
At the board book stage:
Rosie's walk
Dear zoo
the boynton ones you have
we're going on a bear hunt
Hairy Mclairy
Peepo
each peach pear plum
the eric carles
Posted by: thalia at February 19, 2008 04:57 AM (wGBzp)
32
Dude, you need to slow down with all this posting, I can't keep up!
I'm lucky enough to have a mother that kits the kid out in books like you wouldn't believe, and a good friend who manages the children's section at a B&N who does the same. P is set.
She didn't show much of an interest for months, but now we are slaves to the written word. Some favourites are:
Babycakes, by Karma Wilson
ABC, by Alison Jay
Feed Matisse's Fish, Julie Appel
Anything in the "That's not my ..." series
-That's not my dragon
-That's not my puppy
-That's not my car
-There are like, 800 of these fucking things.
I could go on and on.
As for swimming, have you looked into Little Dippers? It's expensive (£100+), but they're held in private pools and they are proper swimming lessons, not just nursery rhymes and paddling sessions.
Posted by: MsPrufrock at February 19, 2008 08:49 PM (1NDGw)
33
One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish
Farmer Duck ('ow goes the work? Quaaaack. Kids loved it http://www.amazon.com/Farmer-Duck-Martin-Waddell/dp/074453660X/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1203471517&sr=8-1)
A Fish Out of Water (http://www.amazon.com/Fish-Out-Water-Beginner-Books/dp/0001713078/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1203471578&sr=1-12)
Posted by: loribo at February 20, 2008 01:40 AM (MY7JG)
34
I read this and immediately thought of you. Now you have 99 ideas!
http://www.jumpingmonkeys.com/jumpingmonkeys/2008/02/99-of-our-favor.html
Posted by: Michele at February 21, 2008 10:12 PM (h1vml)
35
Oh yes, I've heard of this: swim classes get booked, and the people who managed to get their wee ones in get first shot forevermore. Makes no sense.
If it makes you feel better, my 2 1/2 year old swims circles around most kids his age up to about 4, and he's never had a swim lesson. We just take him swimming a lot (ok, my husband does), and let him go for it. He loves it!
As for books, you'd be amazed at how many you can pick up for almost nothing at your local charity shops if you can drift through them once a week...
Posted by: ewe_are_here at February 21, 2008 10:43 PM (sP0bE)
Eat to Live and Live to Eat
The health visitor came, she saw, and she conquered.
Or something like that.
Both of my peewee babies continue their downward slide down the percentiles - they're gaining weight but not nearly enough weight. As Nick is about to head out of the 0.4 percentile into No Man's Land, something had to be done. The babies are healthy and alert, you can't see their ribs and they're not starving, but they're not thriving either. Nora, especially, is a struggle to feed and both babies have been stuck drinking the same amounts for months now, refusing to go up.
So the health visitor suggested we start with solids, and we resigned ourselves to it. Angus was ready to give them solids ages ago, while I've been holding out hoping they'll at least be graduating from university before I had to admit it was solids time, or barring that I was hoping to get to 6 months old. She also warned us that one or both babies might not like the food as the texture is too new.
The health visitor, she knows her stuff.
It's been 3 days of solids now, and they're doing much better. Nora actually likes the stuff, and Nick? Well at least he's stopped gagging. Once a day they get very, very milky rice cereal mixed with banana, which we wash down with regular gulps from their bottles. Do I like doing this? No. Do I think it's important for their health? Yes.
We're hopeful they start to put on weight now, because it's desperately needed. If things don't improve we're looking at a referral to the doctor, because they should be gaining weight better than they are.
We videoed the first two feedings, which I present here for a very short time.
Yes, that is me being a parrot - Roooock! Polly want a cracker! Rooooock! He doesn't like it! Roooooock! I don't think he likes it! I'm an idiot and that's all I know how to say!
And yes, that is us laughing in the background because we're very mean and cruel parents who laugh at the expressions our children - and our son in particular - make.
If you think they hated us then, just wait - their first swim class is in an hour. Talk about hatred, baby.
-H.
PS - the YouTube link wasn't working earlier, so I pulled and re-loaded the clip so it should be ok now.
1
LOL Just wait until they can spit it at you...then who will be laughing! LOL
Posted by: Kristen at February 15, 2008 01:04 PM (AiJXe)
2
They get their payback when you have to change that diaper. Solid foods bring on a whole new world.
Posted by: ~Easy at February 15, 2008 01:16 PM (XD24A)
3
Glad to hear the solids are going well. We started our oldest at 4 months because he clearly wanted it... The NHS keeps changing the goalposts on these things, so we tend to ignore them; I think reality is that anytime between 4 and 7 months is fine to start a baby on solids so long as the baby expresses interest and is clearly ready or is struggling to maintain weight.
Oh, and I hope they love the pool. My boys took to it like fish when they were babies... have to practically drag them out of it.
Posted by: ewe_are_here at February 15, 2008 01:58 PM (Nhury)
4
I feel mean for laughing too, particularly since they're not my babies. I laughed at P's gagging on one occasion and she promptly projectile vomited it all back up on me.
I have video of this experience (footage which stops just shy of the vomiting) on what is possibly the BEST BABY FOOD BLOG EVER -
http://babymush.blogspot.com/
Now that Nick and Nora have ventured into solids you might find some useful info/recipes there.
Ok, I'm done pimping. Sorry to use your blog like that, I feel dirty now.
Posted by: MsPrufrock at February 15, 2008 02:23 PM (6Mr1k)
5
It can take up to 15 tries before they actually like it. It takes about three before they finally just give in and let you shove it down.
You can always mix it with applesauce too. I mean, I'm with DD, you did try it right?
Posted by: statia at February 15, 2008 02:28 PM (lHsKN)
6
That is to cute, they are too freaking funny,thanks for sharing!
Posted by: Cheryl at February 15, 2008 02:45 PM (n3lCA)
7
Absolutely hilarious - though I bet they didn't think so. Thanks so much for sharing that with us.
Posted by: Hannah at February 15, 2008 02:51 PM (KuL2D)
8
I love Nora's cries. They are so dang cute. Hahaha.
Posted by: Jen(aside) at February 15, 2008 03:04 PM (CCc3n)
9
Is it just me, or does Clive Owen sound just like Angus?
Posted by: JC at February 15, 2008 03:24 PM (zdulu)
10
I think they're doing remarkably well for first feedings! It will take a few before they actually like it. And cereal *definitely* changes the diaper situation. I loved hearing your giggle and A making train sounds. Thank you so much for sharing! I hope they love the pool and you all have a great time.
Posted by: Lisa at February 15, 2008 03:25 PM (EcHBm)
11
Thanks for sharing - so cute!!
Abs x
ps Petit Filous = baby crack. It may be packed full of sugar but i don't know a kid in the land that won't eat anything you serve for a helping of this yoghurt!
Posted by: abs at February 15, 2008 03:46 PM (xWzFJ)
12
This is the best thing I've ever seen - thanks so much for sharing! Their little faces of disgust - so funny! I should, however, feel like a bad, bad person for giggling at the children. I shall sternly talk to myself now! Have a wonderful time at swim class!
Posted by: Miss Kelly at February 15, 2008 03:54 PM (jB+eP)
13
You know, I am totally getting the impression that he doesn't liiike it. You're so freaking cute! And you have two freaking cute babies! And I just am putting this hear to annoy you with another sentence ending in an exclamation point!
Posted by: amy t. at February 15, 2008 03:58 PM (3dOTd)
14
The video made my day - anything that makes me giggle when I'm in the flat by myself is a major bonus, really! But I do feel evil too for giggling...
Your babies are gorgeous. It's lovely actually seeing them like this considering I've been reading this blog for a while now...!
I hope they start liking it better soon.
Posted by: Vanina at February 15, 2008 04:15 PM (/hdNr)
15
I would laugh too... but you already knew I have my perment ticket for that spot next to you in hell by the margarita machine
Posted by: stinkerbell at February 15, 2008 04:35 PM (O3iDX)
16
Absolutely precious! I love seeing them; they are so cute and healthy looking to me - even if they are said to not be gaining enough. Nick will never trust you again, I fear. You will remember this when he is 14 and eating you out of house and home!
Posted by: kenju at February 15, 2008 04:58 PM (yvCMb)
17
That was hysterical! I still enjoy laughing at the expense of my children, just leave a seat for me at the margarita machine. I perfer tropical locations anyway.
They really do look like the are handling it just the way one would expect. The 'gag me with spoon look' Nick gives you brings back some memories, and I really enjoyed hearing both of your sexy voices.
Your "they don't liiiiike it" was so damn cute.
Posted by: Teresa at February 15, 2008 05:56 PM (g50zt)
18
That was the cutest video! It made me smile the whole way through. I doubt that anyone would be able to not watch that and chuckle, so I wouldn't be too hard on yourself for laughing. :-)
How did the swimming class go?
Posted by: stacie at February 15, 2008 06:03 PM (bxoQT)
19
That video is priceless. It is a big adjustment but I'm not sure it warrants all that crying!
They are so adorable Helen! I can also see why Nora's crying drives you up the wall. She's shrill, but that will get better as she gets bigger. Thanks for posting this.
Also, to me, Angus sounds like Alan Rickman.
Posted by: Dani at February 15, 2008 06:36 PM (/DE+L)
20
Bleepin UTUBE...I couldn't get past his first spoonful. Im sure it's cute as heck, the expression on his face is priceless!
Posted by: heidi at February 15, 2008 07:33 PM (JU98H)
21
Thank you for the video Helen!
I'm not sure I believe in karma but I have to get in some sort of trouble for laughing that hard.
Posted by: Colette at February 15, 2008 08:15 PM (K2I1F)
22
Ok I'll sound the note of controversy - the solids aren't going to get any more calories into them unless it's on top of the milk they were taking - solids have far fewer calories per oz than their milk did. It just takes longer for them to digest it. Better to start making the formula more concentrated and get more calories into them that way.
I know I'm pitting myself against a qualified health visitor here, so do feel free to call me an asshole, but it's a common thing I see recommended and it doesn't do what it says on the tin.
Posted by: thalia at February 15, 2008 08:31 PM (wGBzp)
23
Such beautiful, precious babies! It took about a week for my son to take to cereal and then we couldn't shovel it in fast enough.
I have to agree that the solids should be in addition to the formula, not as a replacement for the formula. But I'm sure you know that. =)
Thanks for posting the video. It was great to see the kids in action.
Posted by: jen at February 15, 2008 09:05 PM (NcuXj)
24
That was fantastic! They really dont care for it but boy are they cute in protest. I knew they were adorable from the photos but seeing and hearing them on video took it to the next level. You are so blessed! Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Christina at February 15, 2008 09:33 PM (J6Yo6)
25
Thalia - oh the food is in addition to the formula they were already taking - it's not substituting anything or cutting out one of the feeds. We're striving for additional calories to their diet instead of replacement calories.
DD and Statia - AS IF. I tried the formula once, when we went to the US Embassy and they made me try the bottles. That warned me off of baby goods FOREVER.
Posted by: Helen at February 15, 2008 09:34 PM (MwQlJ)
26
So cute! Reminded me of when we first gave ours rice cereal. It definitely took a few tries for them to not hate it. But from the video it looked kinda thick. You could maybe try making it a little thinner, more milky in consistency so it's not such a huge change. Just a suggestion. Once they get the hang of it, they'll be opening their mouths before the spoon even starts heading towards them!
I was laughing along too ... and I just LOVE a good English accent!
Posted by: Erica at February 16, 2008 01:39 AM (D6tE/)
27
echoing all others about the sheer adorability of your family. i love your laugh, their expressions...all of it!
Posted by: nikoline at February 16, 2008 02:23 AM (OCmQ1)
28
poor babies!
thank you so much for sharing that video with us. that brought a huge smile to my face.
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at February 16, 2008 03:20 AM (0Pi1o)
29
Helen,
Your kiddos are absolutely precious
(and quite expressive!). Too cute!! It was nice to hear your voice as well as Angus' lovely accent.
Posted by: Dana/Mia at February 16, 2008 03:30 AM (iUfJz)
30
I'm just hanging about waiting for the video to load, so don't get freaked out if you see that someone sat on this page for 40 mins.
It's just me, cursing my dialup.
Posted by: Veronica at February 16, 2008 03:38 AM (iDE/q)
31
No wonder I look at your blog before I read the news! Thank you so much for sharing this part of your life with us. I rarely comment, but I have to tell you, I was startled to see so much of you in Nora. (And not the pouty face.)
Posted by: Gal_from_Mich at February 16, 2008 05:31 AM (9AFu1)
32
Oh man, that was so neat to see! Your whole darn family is so cute! Thank you so much for sharing those baby expressions of surprise and disgust
Posted by: ZTZCheese at February 16, 2008 06:05 AM (7jM3p)
33
Nora's little cry just melts my heart! Lovely to hear your voices too.
Posted by: Super Sarah at February 16, 2008 08:33 AM (R5aDp)
34
Finally got that crazy you tube to load on your site....(stupid dial-up)
...those too are just too darn precious!
Posted by: Heidi at February 16, 2008 08:48 AM (SjHej)
35
I know they don't like it but their faces are priceless. I think I made the same face when I was introduced to TCP liquid antiseptic last month. lol (What in god's name is that stuff?!? How do people gargle with it??) I was totally trying to place his voice and then though Alan Rickman too!
Posted by: Lee at February 16, 2008 10:07 AM (rz/qM)
36
They are absolutely adorable! Thanks for sharing.
Posted by: Sarah at February 16, 2008 01:13 PM (K+h++)
37
Oh my goodness...too freaking cute!
And I think you're right....He doesn't like it!
38
Super great. Thanx. Enjoyed every moment. Recalled so many pleasnat moments with my childrem.
Posted by: Charles at February 16, 2008 04:53 PM (gHAtb)
39
Just catching up... (finally)... and loved to hear you and Angus' laughter. This brought back soooo many memories of my own children, and yes, we DO laugh at them! Too cute.
Just a word of warning: My children are all grown now, and my daughter keeps reminding me that some day I will be the one being spoon fed and I should be aware that SHE will be laughing at me, too!
Posted by: sue at February 16, 2008 07:19 PM (geYhK)
Posted by: Stella at February 17, 2008 02:50 AM (sFS+Z)
41
So cute!! Thanks for sharing! I'm sure as they get older they will catch up on their weight. Hang in there!
Posted by: Kat at February 17, 2008 10:52 PM (TZ+CE)
42
Oh, my daughter was a gagger, too. Literally she once gagged when I AIMED a carrot at her. It was still several feet away, but she gagged nevertheless. And did I giggle? You bet.
Posted by: bonnie at February 18, 2008 04:28 AM (5hnPX)
Crustaceans, As Promised
On Tuesday the babies and I decided to go to the shop to buy the ingredients to make Statia's Lobsta Bisque for Angus' Valentine's Day dinner. Lobster isn't easy to come by, and I thought the bisque, served with some crusty bread and far too much alcohol, would be popular. So after the morning feed, the babies and I loaded up into the car and headed to Tesco's.
Once there, the three of us were delighted to see that the lobster, she was sold out. I managed to buy a few random things we needed-formula, a cot gallery for Nick and a swimsuit for Nora (the four of us are going to baby swim classes tomorrow. Knowing the babies' love of showers and baths, I've no doubt we'll be pretty unpopular.) There were no boy swimsuits apart from a teeny tiny Speedo, which was a step too far for me - grown men should not wear speedos, let alone infant boys.
While shopping, we got the requisite amount of "Oooooooh, twins!" comments, including one woman who may have been about 90 and wouldn't let go of Nick's foot, leading me to wonder what kind of assault charges I may get hit with and if the press would have an issue with me mowing down an old lady.
As the lobster was what we needed but hadn't gotten, the babies and I drove to Sainsbury's. I was taking a chance here, because it is as Erica once commented - with twin babies you can run an errand, but there can be only one (ha). More than one and you're looking at a meltdown.
I had to chance it.
We went to Sainsbury's, the babies very awake and bordering on being pissy.
Hurtling around the shop I saw a sale on one of my favorite Sauvignon Blancs. I grabbed 6 bottles (you get a 5% discount if you buy 6, so, you know, it makes sense and all). The bottles clinging alcoholically in the trolley, we kept moving.
Nick started to squirm. I managed to find him some swim trunks in size 3-6 months, which luckily has a drawstring as otherwise he's going to have to tuck those fuckers up under his armpits. Great - my kid, the aquatic Elmer Fudd. The swim nappies even were way too big, the tiniest size fits a baby roughly twice his weight. Giant swim trunks it's going to have to be.
A woman stopped me as I hurtled towards the freezer section. "Hi, I'm with Sainsbury's energy supplier, and we'd like to talk to you about your energy uses. Do you know who supplies your home's energy?"
Yes. "No, my husband does it," I shouted over my shoulder, at once stabbing feminism in the mooncup in order to escape a shouty baby scene.
Passing the feminine products aisle, I stop. I see a box of brightly wrapped, interesting looking condoms including some with "heightened sensitivity for her pleasure" and "added touch lubrication for greater feeling". I think about it - contraception isn't an issue with us, but isn't it a bit naughty? Isn't it....lighthearted? I pick up the party pack of condoms and wing it into the cart, next to the 6 bottles of wine and the tiny swim trunks.
Final stop - the freezer section. Nick is beginning to squirm. Nora is sucking on the side of her coat. I'm running very low on time. I spot a shelf full of frozen lobsters.
Score!
Winging one into the cart, we hurtle towards the check-out.
The cashier - an older Scotsman - rings us up, looking at things as they go past his scanner.
Beep! The swim trunks, which are definitely too large.
Beep! The bottles of wine. The guy doesn't even ask for ID, I'm not sure if I should be pleased or depressed. The bottles make a clanging sound as they roll down the belt, sounding decidedly needy and making me want to exclaim loudly that I won't be finishing all of these in one night, thank you, it'll take me at least two nights since the demise of my favorite bendy straw.
Beep! Go the party pack of condoms. The cashier looks at them. He looks at me. He looks at the twins, now fussing angrily in the cart. I can read his mind. Shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted, are we lady? he thinks. Maybe investing in some premium latex would've suited you a year ago, instead of now? I feel defiantly embarrassed. This better be a good fucking Valentine's Day.
Beep! BOOOOOOP! goes the lobster. The guy scans it again. He looks at the screen. Something is amiss.
"I'm going to have to call the manager," he says sadly.
Over lobster? "OK," I say, trying to manage my increasingly nuclear children.
The manager comes over. He scans the lobster. He reads the screen.
He turns to me. "I'm sorry madam, I cannot sell you this lobster."
Fuck.
What? "I'm sorry?" I counter. I see spit up on the front of my T-shirt. Oh, and on the cuff of my jacket, too. Nice. "Why not?"
"When scanned it says 'item not for sale', I'm afraid," he replies.
It's the spit up. I look lower class.
"I came here specifically for the lobster," I say tiredly.
"I'm very sorry, we can sell you everything else you need." He points to my other goods. He sees the condom party platter. His eyebrows go up. Can we all just get past the rubbers, I silently plead.
"But you can't sell me the lobster?" I beg. It's because of the condoms. I shouldn't have included prophylactics in my selection, it's pointed to me being not worthy of lobster. People buying lobster don't buy other products that include the words "for her pleasure".
"Sorry, madame, no."
I consider grabbing the crustacean and running. I could outrun them, even with the babies. I picture me opening the cardboard box and letting the lobster out, making the sign for "free" to the lobster and looking like Helen Hunt from that monkey movie I used to watch as the lobster escaped into the sunset.
Of course, the only problem was that:
1) there is no sea around us.
2) the lobster was already cooked.
3) and frozen like a seafoodsicle.
"I think the lobster's been recalled," says the cashier.
"Well maybe removing the entire shelf of them in the frozen section is a good place to start," I say frostily, much like the lobster the manager is carrying away from us.
Nick explodes.
I pay and head to the car, where we drive home with swimsuits, a whole lotta wine, and more condoms than I know what to do with.
Happy Valentine's Day.
-H.
PS-Angus also got this print from me, as I think it sums up our history.
1
Wow. I had no idea lobster was so hard to come by.
While both of our kids were babies we used to marvel at people with twins. One baby was work enough for the two of us.
Posted by: ~Easy at February 14, 2008 12:04 PM (XD24A)
2
Oh man I would die! I mean I guess you probably don't want to be eating recalled lobster or anything.. but I can't believe it was still out on the shelf. What a tease!
Posted by: Erin at February 14, 2008 12:31 PM (IPMSz)
3
I'm not laughing, really I'm not.
Ok. Sorry. I am laughing a little bit.
Next time perhaps you can assure the cashier that the condoms are for the lobster, perhaps then they could sell them to you.
Posted by: Angela at February 14, 2008 12:43 PM (DGWM7)
4
Just came out of a whirlwind meeting and trying to get my head on straight for the next one. Thank you very much for this, it helped amazingly - especially the idea of Nick with swim trunks up to his armpits. Hope you have a great Valentine's Day!
Posted by: Hannah at February 14, 2008 01:26 PM (J6dok)
5
Ooh, by the way, I've been reading your back archives - would you happen to have that recipe for macaroni and cheese? I'm very curious.
Posted by: Hannah at February 14, 2008 01:29 PM (J6dok)
6
Love isn't true love without food poisoning from e-coli.....yum yum!
Posted by: Heidi at February 14, 2008 01:47 PM (rNAxN)
7
Love isn't true love without e-coli food poisoning.....ummmmm yum yum!
Posted by: Heidi at February 14, 2008 01:51 PM (rNAxN)
8
Why is it the condoms seem so naughty when you don't need them? I am glad someone else feels as I do. ;-)
Yeah, removing them from the shelf would be a great place to start, which explains why it wasn't done. I worked for a lot of years in retail, so I am not just trying to bad-mouth and generalize everyone, but it amazes me daily at how bad customer service, in an array of areas and departments, just generally sucks. Sorry you fell victim to it-especially out with the kids.
That print is brilliant, and suits you both to a 'T'.
Happy Hearts Day!!!
Posted by: Teresa at February 14, 2008 02:07 PM (9rwcH)
Posted by: Jen(aside) at February 14, 2008 03:20 PM (CCc3n)
10
I think that print is absolutely perfect. I alternately laughed and groaned my way through this post. "stabbing feminism in the mooncup" - hahahaha!!! I suppose no lobster is better than recalled lobster but to have it on the shelf is a terrible tease, as Erin said. Also, I must agree that these days terrible customer service and in fact a general lack of common courtesy appear to be the norm. Sad.
Happy Valentine's Day!
Posted by: Lisa at February 14, 2008 06:20 PM (EcHBm)
11
Happy V-Day to you! If it isn't too late, you can probably substitute shrimp for lobster in your recipe and it should still be really good. Good luck!
Posted by: Jeannine at February 14, 2008 06:30 PM (zfPGY)
12
"at once stabbing feminism in the mooncup"
I almost died laughing after reading that line!
Happy Valentine's Day to you!
Posted by: Julie at February 14, 2008 09:52 PM (g2yW5)
13
Hi Helen! Just checking out your comments to make sure things are working. Then I read your post and can't stop laughing.
Posted by: Pixy Misa at February 14, 2008 10:54 PM (ZDJP/)
14
I think I adore you. Mostly because I nearly peed my pants at that one.
Posted by: bonnie at February 14, 2008 11:20 PM (5hnPX)
15
I warned you not to do too many errands at one given time! 8-)
Thanks for the shout out. I actually had to read your post aloud to my husband after I couldn't stop laughing, and he wanted to know why I was laughing out loud at the laptop. You made him laugh too. Hope this Valentines Day is all about "her pleasure"!
Posted by: Erica at February 15, 2008 01:40 AM (D6tE/)
Of Course
I had another post lined up this morning that was more upbeat (it involves lobsters! Lobsters! And what's not funny about crustaceans?) but then I had to call the nursery* to arrange a "settling in" date for the twins to go and meet the staff, their own personal carer (it's the law here that for infants you must have one adult per two infants, so they'll get their own), go through routines, and just get to know things and now I'm beside myself all over again and I have a big lump in my throat which I'm going to blame on a cold instead of the other obvious choice because I have a full-on day today and I will not break, I will not I tell you, especially as the really nice health visitor is due here any minute and she'll definitely suggest upping my doses if she shows up and I'm reinacting Knots Landing level of drama.
It's also causing me to create massive run-on sentences, apparently.
Phone calls can do that.
-H.
* Of course I had to pick a nursery that has the same name as a gardening nursery in the same town, and of course I rang the gardening nursery instead of the child nursery only to learn, after speaking to three people and no small amount of confusion and stupidity on my part, that as I have twin babies instead of twin rhododendrums I was likely looking for the other nursery in town**.
** Hey, another run-on sentence. Who saw that coming?
1
When my daughter first went to daycare we arranged it that I would drop her off for at least the first two weeks. This made it much easier for my wife to deal with.
Once she was used to the idea of her being there, and my daughter was used to her being there, we let my wife bring her. It was still hard but they both survived it.
You will too.
Posted by: Stephen Macklin at February 13, 2008 12:18 PM (R7LgM)
2
Oh Helen! I can't imagine how you're feeling or give you any advice on how to make it all easier for you and the twins. All I can do is send you love and hugs and hope that it gets easier for you all, especially once they've started at nursery and you seen that they are ok with it.
Posted by: Suzie at February 13, 2008 12:22 PM (weSjv)
3
Helen, I went back to work soon after my older two children were born and I have to agree with Stephen that it may be easier at first (for the babies and for you) to have Angus drop them off.
That said, you know you are a great mother and you provide a great home for your babies. You have picked an excellent nursery and you and Angus will find your new normal and it will be good. (Ignore my runons for now).
Best of luck with the day.
Posted by: Catherine at February 13, 2008 01:22 PM (zXrpr)
4
That's kinda funny. I can see how conversations about plant and childcare could dovetail. I think that the rule of one carer to every two children is brilliant. It's one to four for infants down here.
I'm going through this myself, even though my twins are older. It's about 17 different types of difficult.
Posted by: Suz at February 13, 2008 01:25 PM (VN0e5)
5
It is a transition and it is a hard one.
That said you all will get into the routine
and I promise you won't always feel as you
do now. I felt the same anxiety with my
second that I did with my first child - it is just a big step.
Oh, and the daddy drop off is a great idea.
Take care.
Posted by: Laura at February 13, 2008 01:41 PM (U1yF0)
6
That part is VERY difficult, I won't lie to you. I do think that daddy dropping them off the first couple of weeks is a brilliant idea and will really ease the strain. There is nothing quite as wrenching as watching your children's faces as they realize you are leaving them with even the best caregiver in the world. It does get better, though, and it is really great to know that you can be an independent person AND a mom since there is a qualified temporary substitute. And if you think the grins you get when you open the nursery door get you, just wait until you get them after a full day's work. No matter how stressful your day, coming home to those two little faces full of love will be the best moment ever. You can do this. It will be okay. Your little rhodies will thrive in the nursery.
Posted by: Lisa at February 13, 2008 02:23 PM (EcHBm)
7
Good luck-it is a big milestone for mommy!
I love that the babies already have their own personal assistant.
Love you....
Posted by: Teresa at February 13, 2008 05:34 PM (Pr3t9)
8
Even though it broke my heart to take my son to daycare, I was the one that had to do it. I had to make sure that he would be ok. I chose a daycare that had cameras in the facility so I can log in and see him all day long. The only area that isn't in view of the camera is where they change the diapers and I'm ok with that. It does get easier. Now, he is a pro at daycare, he's almost 22 months and because his whole life is a routine, he knows what to expect.
He is happy to go and happy when I pick him up, I couldn't ask for a better situation.
Posted by: Tif at February 13, 2008 08:11 PM (7AIVm)
9
I do daddy drop off. I pick them up, and it's all smiles for me. hehe. It's tough. We are in the middle of week 2. But it's harder on us than on them. They are being taken care of. There are camera's in the room, so I watch them play together on the internet. And this should make you feel better. Our teacher said that my twins are the only ones that "play" together. They chase each other around, and giggle at each other. When one wakes up from their nap, and the other is still sleeping, they look for each other. I think, for me, it definitely helps knowing that they are in there together. Good luck with it!
Posted by: Erica at February 14, 2008 01:21 AM (D6tE/)
10
It is a very emotional and difficult transition. Dad took both boys when they were younger, I could not do it!!
The law of 1 caregiver to 2 babies is AWESOME!
The only comfort I can try to offer is the babies will never remember the transition and will love you just the same!!
Posted by: Steff at February 14, 2008 02:49 AM (ivnBN)
The Daily Grind
I haven't been sleeping so well - the medication is supposed to be fixing that, but it's not! It's not I say!
*shakes fist angrily at pharmaceutical gods*
I still battle with anxiety, which now is coming through loud and clear in my dreams. Because sleep isn't fraught enough, I guess. The other night I dreamt that Angus had convinced me to leave the babies home alone for 12 hours so we could attend a folk music festival where he would practice his folk guitaring and I would sing along.
Yeah, there's so many things wrong with that sentence that I'm not sure where to begin.
I think that one is related to a great big huge millstone around me neck, though. I was dreaming about panic in leaving the babies. I felt out of control, held to a wall. And I guess that's the case, as in exactly three weeks I have to return to work as my maternity leave ends.
We are a two income family. That's the way it has always been, that's the way it will always be. We are not wealthy but we get by, and part of getting by has been the fact that both of us work. We can't move to a cheaper house as we got this one at a bargain price and we need rooms for all the children, the two who live with us and the two who are a huge part of Angus' heart. We can't trade our cars in for cheaper ones, as one of them is a company car and the other one is a 1997 piece of shit with 165,000 miles on it and more dents than Evil Knievel's favorite bike. Last month the horn fell off on it. It doesn't get any more real than that car, but at least it runs and thus we'll keep it for now.
If anyone feels their fingers itching to lecture me about having the babies in day care, that I should stay home, that I shouldn't leave them to the mercy of "someone else raising them", then see this post as a refresher.
I'm not happy about returning to work, I would love to stay home with them, but it doesn't work that way in our household no matter how much we fiddle with the numbers. I'd appreciate it if no one suggests that there are ways for us to make it work, because unless you're me or my accountant, then you don't know my situation. Considering the fact that I don't have an accountant, unless you're me you don't know how many times I've been through the numbers. It just doesn't work. Even crunching the very scary numbers that day care will mean - for twins, we're looking at paying almost £2000 a month, which is more than our mortgage payment - I have to go back to work. And once I'm back to work, with the day care and the extension coming we're going to be living life lean for a very long time to come.
I accept this. I'm a grown-up. I can't just move in with my parents and expect them to pick up the slack, I have responsibilities and obligations, ones that are important to me to meet. No one will be raising my children but Angus and I. In March the babies will go to day care 3 days a week, moving up to 4 days a week after that. I have structured my work week in agreement with my boss, so that I can be home with them at least one day a week.
I used to scoff at women who didn't return to work. I used to get angry at working moms who would scuttle out of the office at the stroke of 4 pm while I labored on into the evening. I used to use every sanctimonious trick in the book to belittle those who held family over work. And now I'm one of those women, and I owe an apology to every single working mom and stay at home mom that I ever crossed.
Being at a stay at home mom is without a doubt harder than my day job ever was, even at its worst. It's also one million times more rewarding, as I get more out of a smile and a good day with Nick and Nora than I ever did in saying I delivered a project on time and under budget. I would love to stay home with them until they patter off to school in 2012, but unless some great-uncle I never knew I had passes away and leaves me a fortune or unless some philanthropist swings by and pays off our mortgage, that's not possible.
I'm sure the babies will be great - the nursery they are attending has outstanding ratings from Ofstead. They'll be just fine, it's me that will go to pieces. And we do feel they should go to nursery instead of a nanny or au pair as we work from home most of the time and if the babies are home then I know I will absolutely interfere with whomever is watching them. I think it's only natural.
I've been having email dialogues with K who returned to work after the birth of her gorgeous son (hi K!) She's one of the few who know how torn up I am about this. She gave me some advice recently, which was to "Stop whatever needed to give kisses". So I've been doing that, and trying to soak up as much time with my babies as possible before I go back to work, so if I've been a bit quiet then maybe you know why.
I know this post is coming across a bit bitchy and angry, I'm not sure how to rectify that. I'm defensive, but a part of that is I feel bad. I'm not looking forward to a barrage of "Of course you should stay at home with your children, you horrible mother you!" that will pop up in the comments and emails and which will make me want to come through the computer and beat people with that folk guitar from my nightmare.
-H.
UPDATED-apparently comments are broken. Hopefully, they unbreak soon.
1
I got a director's license and ran a pre-school daycare for many years. I've taken care of hundreds of small children not my own in addition to my own two. I've changed more diapers that I like to remember, lol!
I gave them love, I gave them my time, I watched my assistants like a hawk and I am still close with some of these grown children today. One is my godson (I call him that because when his mom and I became close, she had papers drawn up so that if anything ever happened to her, her son would come to us to live as our adopted son) and he is in Iraq right now, married and with his own small baby at home with the wife.
So please try to remember that for most of our existence as a species, most humans were brought up in a small tribal or large extended family situation, with several young children/babies often lumped together much of the time, playing about and interacting while overseen by various adults.
The twins will be fine. You, however, are a different story. I know how hard it can be to leave them. I also worked for a brief time and put Lucy in daycare when Lucy was little. It killed me to be away from her and I was unable to continue do it. Actually it worked out well; I ended up making more money with the daycare than I had with my job working for someone else. It took a LOT MORE out of me, true, ahahaha! But it was worth it.
So don't worry about them; they will be fine. As for you, focus on the positive; for instance, you will no doubt have more energy for them at the end of the day when you come home. Those moments when I picked up Lucy at daycare were just golden!
I know I rambled; dunno if I helped. I hope so.
{{{hugs}}} (Oh and munu spam control royally sucks. Yeesh.)
Posted by: The other Amber at February 12, 2008 09:54 PM (zQE5D)
2
yay! we're back!
Don't worry about the medication. You must give it some time, it can take up to a couple of weeks to ease your anxieties and help with the sleep. I promise. Remember, I play with those things for a living :-)
Posted by: caltechgirl at February 12, 2008 10:38 PM (IfXtw)
3
I agree, the twins will do great. My very good friend is a physician and had to return to work after her twins were 3 months. It was incredibily hard for her and her days are often crazy. But the girls are happy, healthy and wonderful. And you will still be an amazing mother.
I have been fortunate to be SAHM. While there will be a year of incredible debt next year for us, we are lucky that my husband's career will shortly change and we will have much more financial security. But there have been moments where we faced my needing to return to work. We were fortunate that circumstances allowed us to avoid it, but I was prepared to do it to meet our needs. I guess what I'm trying to say is don't let ANYONE make you feel bad about what you need to do for your family. You clearly will be making time for your twins and family. And you will all thrive.
Posted by: Waiting Amy at February 13, 2008 01:17 AM (ecQ9f)
4
Screw anyone who tries to make you feel bad. You have to do what is right for your family. Just like anything in life, each option has pros and cons. Maybe no one mentions it but there are definite cons to staying home with a child. Socialization, ability to relate to people outside their families, no exposure to germs (kids need to get a cold or two, in my opinion).... these things are harder to come by when you stay home with a kid. So anyone who says that staying home is the only good and right and perfect answer is a lying asshole.
I know it'll hurt like hell to leave them but I think you'll adjust to it quicker than you think. Love you!
Posted by: donna at February 13, 2008 02:19 PM (TzLxV)
5Being at a stay at home mom is without a doubt harder than my day job ever was, even at its worst.
My wife quit her day job after our children were born and is now at home with them full-time. 3-4 times a year, I take off from work to stay with the kids while she goes off on a girls' weekend to recharge her batteries. Those 3 days and nights are full of joy, impatience, love and frustration. And they are quite demanding. I go back to work to catch up on my rest.
If I were independently wealthy, I'd be home with the children right now. As it stands, I leave at the end of the day and go home to wrestle on the floor, play in the bathtub (technically it's a bath, but there's an awful lot of water flying around) and read bedtime stories. Once in a while, my job takes me out of town and I miss out on the nighttime rituals, which makes my day woefully incomplete.
Posted by: physics geek at February 13, 2008 04:31 PM (MT22W)
6
You raise your kids the way you see fit, and I will raise mine the way I see fit. One way is not any better or worse than the other. There should never be any judgement, because what is necessary and agreeable in one family may not be in the next. I just wish people would see it as simply as that.
I did daycare for many years, and they were all well-adjusted, very well loved kids who just happened to have had parent(s) that worked. End of story.
Of course you are going to have guilt-that is what children bring (along with so much else), especially to us moms. Now just look into the mirror and repeat:
"Hello Helen. I don't have to answer to anyone but my family. I am being the best mom I can be.
Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggonit, people like me!"
Posted by: Teresa at February 13, 2008 05:31 PM (Pr3t9)
Bacon
On Wednesday I went to have my pap smear, done every three years here. The clock ran out, the legs had to be spread, the waddle (aka "hey that's an awful lot of lubricant you had to use there, did you expect I'd be as chafing as sandpaper?") to the tissues would be done.
In the past I'd take a bit of extra time and attention getting ready for these things. I mean, if they're going to be sizing up the woman bits you want them to look reasonable. But through the last several years of doctors, midwives, medical students, and Jesus, who knows, maybe the NHS tea lady who thoughtfully came round the ward with the caffeine four times a day, I am no longer remotely bashful. All you have to do is shine a flashlight in my direction and I'll spread them.
I head to the office while the babies snooze in their cribs, Angus working from home in the study. I sign in, wait, and pick up a 4 year old National Geographic. It has something to do with penguins. Or maybe it was global warming. Or penguins causing global warming, who knows. When my name is called I head into the room.
I walk in and am greeted by a nurse bearing the title "Sister", which never fails to make me giggle because I am nothing if not hopeless and occasionally immature. She greets me with pleasantries - how are you, lovely weather today, aren't parking fees a nightmare - and then starts to collect my data for the computer.
"Do you have any children?"
"Yes, two."
"Ages?"
"Four months old."
"Both of them?"
"Yes, they're twins."
"Oh how lovely. Have they moved out of the house yet?"
Um...uh...I look at her. "They've been looking around but prime real estate is so costly in this part of England. They may wait to move out until they're 5 or 6 months old instead, see what happens with the interest rates."
The nurse stares at me, then shakes her head. "Sorry, yes, of course they're infants. I have twin sons, they're 30 and still living at home."
Oh, so we were just projecting there.
"Have you had an internal exam before?"
I'm almost 34. I've had one hundred thousand people looking up my hootch this past year, including getting fingered by no less than a dozen people with latex glove foreplay. I'm more familiar with the structure of my uterus on a grainy ultrasound TV than I am the back of my elbow. I think I'll be ok here. "Yes," I answer with a smile.
"Planning on having any more children?" she asks, filling out the last of the paperwork.
Planning? Nope. Not planning. "No, no more babies."
"Shame," she says idly.
It is, actually.
They say that after you're pregnant, your body has a way of forgetting what pregnancy was like. I always blew the notion off, forget how pregnancy was, please, but there's something to it actually. I know I had a hell of a time, I remember that I had restless leg syndrome, I know I spent many a night screaming on the toilet as my bladder and kidney hung out, shredded, and I have seen video of me sitting on the couch panting like a dog as Nora bounced around by my lungs and diaphragm. I know how hard it was, and yet I have to sit there and think about it to remember it.
I absolutely hated pregnancy and I know that, I remember that. The part that I did love was finally meeting the inhabitants bouncing around in me, holding them and sniffing their heads and watching them grow. That part, it has been brilliant.
The truth is I have slightly changed position. I would love more children. I would love to add to the flock, but knowing that the path from here to there is fraught with IVF, knowing that my body doesn't do pregnancy well (it remains to be seen if I've done lasting damage to the bladder and kidneys), knowing that Angus absolutely positively doesn't want more (and I really don't blame him there-he's about to be 46 and has 4 children. Any more kids and he'll be a statistic) means that my brood, it ends here. From every single angle - financial, physical (hello kidneys? Razor blade peeing, anyone?), emotional, and time - we're all done.
And I accept that.
My kids were born in the Chinese Year of the Golden Boar, which some say happens every 60 years or 600 years. I say 600 years (don't wreck this for me, m'kay?) This is supposed to be a lucky year and children born during that time are meant to be good fortune. I haven't yet won the lottery, but I imagine if I keep reminding Nick and Nora they'll get right on that because what good are kids if they can't arrive in a lucky year and help you win the lottery? Sheesh. Always wanting something for nothing.
I'm not superstitious and I don't know how much I subscribe to astrology, although if I have a newspaper I will check mine out. But the Year of the Golden Boar (or Golden Pig, depending on where you read it) always felt like a sign to me. It was meant to be. Now the clock has rolled over to Year of the Rat, and with the passing of the Chinese New Year it's as though I'm putting things behind me. It's time to look ahead, while trying to celebrate the anniversaries as they happen.
When my exam is finished I slip and slide my way to the car (no one is that dry they need that much KY, lady. No one. If you have to shake the canister three times and then go for three long squirts of goo, you've just overdone it.) and head home to my little Golden Piglets.
-H.
PS-I had a long interview with a reporter from the Houston Chronicle for an article they're doing. Hopefully, something comes of it. I'll keep you posted.
1
Bacon *yum*...
If mothers would not forget what pregnancy is like, the human race would have ceased to exist shortly after having learned how to stand on two legs.
:-) Lily
Posted by: lily at February 08, 2008 11:30 AM (Y8m4l)
2
Good luck with the potential article following the interview!
)
Posted by: Mas at February 08, 2008 01:13 PM (UGBIN)
3
Survival of the species! It's sort of mystifying though. I can't remember pregnancy either. Which is really evil, because during pregnancy I was all "NO MORE BABIES" and now I think .... maybe. Evil!
Posted by: Dotty at February 08, 2008 01:58 PM (KJE2B)
4
Funny how that works, isn't it? I still occasionally get the odd baby pang even though I took pains to make sure the factory is closed forever and I'm way beyond truly wanting to start the roller coaster from the beginning of the line again anyway.
I love bacon. Now I'm hungry.
Posted by: Lisa at February 08, 2008 02:03 PM (EcHBm)
5
Dear Helen, that was such a good retort about the interest rates... I envy you your quick thinking. That lady must have been quite confused there.
That pregnancy amnesia is strange indeed, isn't it? My sister-in-law spent both of her pregnancies suffering from hyperemesis, including repeated hospitalizations, but she maintains today that she loved being pregnant and felt great... She had to be reminded that at one point she had begged for death. As a matter of fact, when her first child was born and she was holding her after the birth, her husband asked whether it was worth all the puking. Her response? "What puking?"
Posted by: Kath at February 08, 2008 02:07 PM (ZixVK)
6
Your post are always interesting and/or humorous, and sometimes both - like now!
Posted by: kenju at February 08, 2008 02:16 PM (yvCMb)
7
Pap smears-ugh. Not that I really dread them, but it is just a nuisance more than anything. And all that lubrication? Come on, it is not like they are going to start a fire with that speculum if they don't put enough in.
You know that I hated being pregnant-although compared to you it was a cake walk. It is bittersweet at times that I will have no more babies, but I agree that what lays ahead is wonderful and exciting.
I am very superstitious, and think that it is so cool your kids were born in the year of the Golden Boar. Educated as I am, I still love reading my fortune out of the cookie. Except that one time my cookie was empty. I don't know-you think that was a bad sign?
Posted by: Teresa at February 08, 2008 02:22 PM (xEIiS)
8
Woot! You'll have to keep me posted if they print you up. I can get 5000 copies to send to you. And if I tell my mother my friend was in the paper, you might even get a copy from me that's been pasted to bright construction paper and LAMINATED, like I did when she read the article I was interviewed for for the Wall Street Journal.
Posted by: amy t. at February 08, 2008 04:53 PM (3dOTd)
9
One hundred thousand people looking up your hooch last year?
Y'know, if you had started charging admission fees for the show, you'd have diapers and daycare well covered right now.
During my wife's last pregnancy, when she finally went to the hospital (said product is now 17 years old) so many people came by for a peek under the sheet that she told them it was going to cost them a quarter per look. Oh yeah, and bring your own popcorn and beer.
Posted by: diamond dave at February 08, 2008 08:42 PM (wmTrX)
10
I had to laugh outloud when you called your babes the Golden Piglets! I think I am going to start calling my kids that.
I know what you mean. I am sad sometimes that I won't be adding to my family. FINANCIALLY, I just don't get how it would be possible. I know that the only way there is through IVF, and I would be willing to try that again. My company just decided to offer IF benefits (AFTER I paid out of pocket for mine last year, figures, right??). So we could get it covered. And my first IF treatment ever was my first IVF that worked. So I'm not even that jaded. But we could not afford to have another child. And sometimes that makes me so sad that money will dictate the size of my family. So I mourn the fact that I will never be pregnant again too. I forgot how scared I was the entire time, how much I wished it away so that I could just meet them.
You write so well. I love to read what you have to say, because I feel like I get you. Maybe one day Jake and Hailey can meet Nick and Nora. Double wedding, perhaps?
Can't wait to read the article!
Posted by: Erica at February 09, 2008 01:14 AM (D6tE/)
11
Wonderful comeback! That's the kind of thing I think of hours later, but rarely in the moment. When I babysat my niece as a wee one, I always thought that her cuteness in the morning (at an ungodly hour) was the only thing that saved her....yet another thing helping the human race survive.
Posted by: sophie at February 09, 2008 01:58 AM (ZPzQL)
12
I am well beyond my child bearing years and it is amazing how along with the hormones, the desire to have children also completely disappears, while before that I was imagining having one every month. That would have been a little too much of a good thing and I had only two children, a boy and a girl. In the Netherlands, that's called "a rich man's family."
I am sure you know very well how lucky you are with the two children you have, nobody needs to tell you that, but it is very normal to keep wanting to have more. That is just your body telling you to, so you are going to have to ignore that natural message.
It's a very precious thing, to have children and now when I look back on it, I can't believe I did it. Wow, bringing two human beings into this world!
Posted by: Irene at February 09, 2008 04:29 PM (RL+iu)
13
Hmmmmmm. NHS had me wait until 6 months after giving birth (both times) for a pap smear because they said it wouldn't be accurate otherwise. And they got cranky the last time, because it hadn't been three years, even though they told me to come in after the 6 month mark. Twits.
Posted by: ewe_are_here at February 09, 2008 08:55 PM (bnUaz)
Happy Birthday
For those unfamiliar with it, a round of IVF (called a protocol) generally works thus (and this is the easy version, I don't do the technical side of it):
1 - You are put into a state of menopause using a nasal spray (a few times a day) or injections (one a day) administered in the stomach or upper thigh. You want to keep your body from ovulating, have a period and strip the uterus back to the hardwood floors, and ensure your lining gets very thin. This part is called down-regulating, and it also allows the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) to be in control of your body and cycle so that you can be manipulated based on the many blood tests and ultrasounds they do.
2 - Once your lining is nice and thin and the ovaries are "quiet", you then throttle back the other direction and take a new drug once a day, also an injection, designed to kick the shit out of your ovaries. This part is called stims, for stimulation of the ovaries. You start producing eggs (called follicles as the eggs are contained in fluid-filled sacs). You keep taking the menopause-like down-regulating drug, but just enough to keep from ovulating, because if you do that it's party over for the cycle. You want a good number of eggs, my clinic believed this was anywhere from 6-20.
3 - Once you have lots of nice follicles that are nice and big (around 19-20mm), you take a final shot, called a trigger shot, and you stop taking the other two injections. This is a hormone like hcg, which is the hormone you produce when you're pregnant. This shot is designed to get the follicles ready to ovulate and is time bombed, as once you take it you have 24 hours before your body releases the follicles, only the doctors come in with big needles (and nice dreamy anesthetic) before that, and take out the follicles.
4 - At this point, you start taking progesterone (in the States it's usually a painful injection, in the UK it's usually a messy vaginal suppository) to get your body ready and get your uterus ready to take on new potential passengers. The clinic introduces the eggs and the sperm in a round petri dish, which is the norm if you're not doing something called ICSI, where they inject one perfectly formed sperm into one egg. Inside the petri dish your eggs and a dollop of sperm (if you've sacrificed enough virgins) become embryos.
5 - My clinic transfers embryos after 2 days into the nice comfy uterus-some clinics go 3 days or even 5 days, when the embryo was become something called a blastocyst, which is what embryos become before they are supposed to implant in the uterine wall.
6 - Thus starteth the dreaded two week wait, or 2ww, during which time you wait and see if the embryos will take or not, and by take it means implant in the uterine wall and keep dividing and growing more cells. A pregnancy test or blood test after two weeks will provide the answer, provided you haven't already lost your mind during the process.
Throughout the last IVF round I had, I was worried. My body wasn't responding well, I was donating half of my eggs to another woman but concerned I wouldn't even have enough to donate, and my mind was all over the place. I was so stressed about the donation, worried about the other woman, worried about her cycle, her thoughts. I was scanned a million times I think, throughout all of my IVF cycles I saw my insides so many times that I know more about how my uterus looks than how my elbow looks.
I had egg retrieval and got only 8 eggs, 4 of which went to another woman (who did not succeed with my eggs, unfortunately). Of my 4 I was allocated only 2 were mature. The 2 mature eggs were matched with Angus' sperm in a petri dish.
When they were presented to us two days later, the situation wasn't good. At two days old I had two Grade 2 3-celled embryos. Grade 1 is the top-notch, textbook, "looky-here we'll have good odds of getting a baby" quality. Grade 2 is "not bad, but not great". 3-celled was also not great, I would've hoped for at least a 5-cell or even a 4-cell.
The RE advised us to put both embryos back, as twins were unlikely, but they hoped for the best regarding my embryos and they did get pregnancies from embryos like mine.
We'd brought the camera with us for a change, and Angus got a snap of the embryos on the TV screen just before they were loaded up into a catheter and put back in me. Despite our numerous IVF attempts, this was the only time I've ever gotten a photo of the embryos before they went back in. The embryos were dividing just as they were about to go back in, so my 3-cell grade 2s became 4-cell grade 2s.
This was two days after they went in, removed the eggs, and married them up in a petri dish.
That happened a year ago today.
One year ago today, right about lunchtime, our children were created.
I am overwhelmed, awed, humbled, and emotional. I can't get my head around it all, it's all honestly too much for me to handle, I feel like a wreck. I cannot believe such a crappy cycle and such "meh" quality embryos would turn out like it has. I cannot believe the sheer, unmitigated joy our 3-cellers bring to my life.
I cannot believe that three cells turned into billions of cells.
1
awww.. Happy Conception Day to Nick and Nora..they're beautiful ....you're very lucky :O)))
Posted by: JaxVenus at February 05, 2008 09:54 AM (8rW15)
2
Three cells turned into a billion, and thus to two fantastic babies, wonderfully parented by you and Angus- congrats to you all.
And happy "anniversary-of-the-rather-uncommon kind" :-)
Lily
Posted by: lily at February 05, 2008 10:06 AM (Y8m4l)
3
What a lovely anniversary! And what amazing careers those little three-celled blobs went on to have, eh?
Posted by: Kath at February 05, 2008 10:09 AM (RvcDG)
4
Happy Anniversary! It's an amazing story and well worth celebrating.
Posted by: Donna at February 05, 2008 10:16 AM (UgT2A)
5
This is one of my favorite anniversaries. Our's is July 8th.
Posted by: Suz at February 05, 2008 01:38 PM (VN0e5)
6
A miracle, my dear. Those babies were meant to be born. Happy Conception Day to all of you! =)
Posted by: Amanda at February 05, 2008 01:53 PM (ay+rD)
Posted by: oddybobo at February 05, 2008 02:09 PM (mZfwW)
8
I'm so happy to be able to celebrate this day!! Happy Conception Day to Nick and Nora; and happy emotional basket case day to you as you must catch them in your sight a million times and mentally compare them to the picture on that tv screen. Amazing, isn't it? Looking back on this past year must really make you dizzy. It's been a helluva ride.
Thank you for sharing.
Posted by: Lisa at February 05, 2008 02:44 PM (EcHBm)
9
Truly amazing! Helen, I remain over the moon for you and the rest of your lovely family.
Posted by: Patsy at February 05, 2008 03:18 PM (t9P+V)
Posted by: donna at February 05, 2008 07:56 PM (TzLxV)
16
Yeah, it's a miracle, isn't it. What an absolutely wonderful thing to happen. I am very happy for you.
Posted by: Irene at February 06, 2008 03:59 AM (RL+iu)
17
Wow, what a fantastic anniversary! It's all just so amazing and beautiful, and how special to have that photo of them!
Posted by: ZTZCheese at February 06, 2008 06:46 AM (7jM3p)
18
So amazing that they can do this. Just amazing.
Posted by: ewe_are_here at February 06, 2008 09:53 PM (+Tzor)
19
Hey, congrats, the 5th Feb holds special meaning for my hubby and I, its our fuckiversary!! Clearly its a good day for all things related to conception! We didn't "celebrate" this year, we are in London on holiday with nasty colds! Boo!
Posted by: Super Sarah at February 07, 2008 09:31 AM (+pSRf)
They never tell you that when you get through a cycle successfully, you'll be on your own. You spend so much energy hoping and wishing and begging various deities to make it work that when it does you don't know up from down, left from right. You know so much more about the human condition that every worry is that much more profound, that much more serious. You know about implantation rates, how long until a heartbeat should appear on-screen, and hoping and praying that the bleeding you have is indeed a much-Googled subchorionic hematoma and not a miscarriage. You envy women that have lovebites and hangovers from their success at pregnancy, as what you have are bruised stomachs and thighs and more people peeping into your crotch than a three ring circus.
And throughout it all - the medications, the clinic visits, the ultrasounds, the statistics - you constantly feel as though you are 90 seconds from disaster.
90 seconds.
It could all be over just like that.
You spend your entire pregnancy on pins and needles being that much more aware of everything that's going on, not because your pregnancy is more special or dear than any other woman's, but because the stakes are higher, if your pregnancy ends it will be that much harder to try again. A loss is a loss, be it a natural pregnancy or one at the end of a catheter, and the pain is just as terrific in either case. It's just harder to try again if you can't go the conventional route, something you are constantly cognizant of.
Pregnancy itself may turn out to be spectacularly hard. I never expected the hospitalizations, the kidneys going on strike, the pre-eclampsia, the premature births, Nick's short stay in Special Care. You don't see these things coming and you're aware, so very aware, that the 90 seconds still exist even when you can count the wrinkles on their foreheads.
When you do get a baby or two in a little to-go container from the hospital, you feel that much more anxious. You have one (or two). How in the world can you make sure they know how crazy you are about them, how so goddamn grateful you are for them that it takes your heart and squeezes it into little bits before mashing them together and throwing it back into your chest? How do ensure that they grow up feeling secure and loved every minute of every day, so that they don't turn out to be like you? How can you possibly ever pay back the debt you owe to the universe for letting your 90 seconds turn out ok?
I've been diagnosed with post-natal depression, although mine comes in grape-and-anxiety flavor. I'm not depressed, as I've been down that road before and I know what it feels like, and this current state doesn't feel like that. I'm not going to be a statistic on TV and I pose no danger to myself or my little ones. What I am, instead, is deeply anxious and worry more than my usually neurotic self worries. I can't stop thinking, which for someone who already over-analyzes it means I feel like I may soon blow a fuse. The anxiety has been affecting my ability to sleep and that's where I have to draw the line. This week and month we hit a lot of milestones and anniversaries, all of which are far too much for me to handle right now, so this blog may have a distinct baby/IVF flavor about it for a short while, sorry. I feel ferociously raw.
Blogland has had a number of shocking and terrible losses the past week. I do still read IVF blogs when I can, but I don't comment as about the last thing most women need is a link back to a blog where a woman has hit the equivalent of the baby lotto. But it feels as though the IVF gods have woken up from their deep slumber and realized how many successes there have been recently. Oh shit, they must've thought. We need to take some of these back. Early miscarriages, stillbirths, pre-term labor, losses of singletons and multiples, it's been horrible on a scale I haven't seen before. I'm not going to link to some of these women as again, the last thing they need is a link from a site with IVF twins, but one woman's loss in particular has made me grieve something fierce for her. It's not about me, it's about her, I just can't recall the last time something kept me awake at night, thinking about how she is, how she will handle this. I hurt for her.
90 seconds.
We all have 90 seconds.
I took 90 seconds yesterday to watch my infants sleeping while they held each others' hands.
Maybe if you have a spare 90 seconds today if you could go hug your kids, or your cat, or your friend, and think about the women who are so brave and strong and have lost so grievously, and maybe the gods will be appeased for just a little while.
2
I couldn't have written this better myself - thank you for still 'getting it'.....
x
Posted by: M at February 04, 2008 10:41 AM (FGiWN)
3
Hmmm... my comment got eaten....
Just wanted to commend you on such a beautifully written, understanding post.
Thank you
x
Posted by: M at February 04, 2008 10:44 AM (FGiWN)
4
You are amazing. I've been a silent admirer of you throughout your pregnancy and your words continue to touch and inspire me.
Thank you for sharing and motivating me to be a better person.
Posted by: becka at February 04, 2008 10:50 AM (cXufw)
5
I'm glad you're getting help with the post-natal depression. Everything about kids is so overwhelming, and there's really no way to prepare for it. The insane part is that it's over in the blink of an eye.
I hug the girlies, and/or snuggle with them every chance I get.
Posted by: ~Easy at February 04, 2008 12:05 PM (XD24A)
6
Beautifully written. One huge hug for my kids and a special prayer for the women and their men who have suffered losses this week, coming up. And a hug for you too, because you deserve it.
Posted by: Lisa at February 04, 2008 01:48 PM (EcHBm)
7
That was beautiful Helen. My heart goes out to those women.
Posted by: Amanda at February 04, 2008 01:54 PM (ay+rD)
8
Moving ... having lost a baby girl at 24 weeks 7 years ago I went, and still go through stages, of other people's success at having a healthy family either - giving me hope and making me genuinely happy for their joy, or making me sick with horrible gut wrenching envy and sadness. It's good to stop and count your blessings, mine is my gorgeous adorable cat, and think of others and what is good in your life. Thanks for reminding me
)
Posted by: Mas at February 04, 2008 02:12 PM (UGBIN)
9
Hey Helen. I had PPD depression-flavored after my son and I had PPD anxiety-flavored after my daughter. They really are quite different, I agree. I'm glad you saw someone to get some help.
Posted by: Jen(aside) at February 04, 2008 03:36 PM (Mb8v6)
10
I'm sorry for everyone who goes goes through such rough times.
Good for you for being so sensitive to it.
Posted by: The other Amber at February 04, 2008 04:27 PM (zQE5D)
11
you've perfectly captured the reson that i haven't even been able to post in a while. the sadness in blogland is devastating right now. i long to support them, but hate to leave my info in a comment that would only bring them back to my now-pregnant lady blog.
Posted by: megan at February 04, 2008 08:15 PM (1O5Qi)
12
Any loss is devastating. I wish no one had to experience it.
Posted by: the mother hen at February 04, 2008 09:53 PM (6ooUu)
13
Beautiful post. And the losses are just devastating. My heart goes out to the families experiencing them.
Posted by: ewe_are_here at February 04, 2008 10:52 PM (+Tzor)
14
That is a pain and a loss so great I can not even begin to understand.
It breaks my heart.
Posted by: Teresa at February 04, 2008 11:48 PM (+7739)
15
Thank you for this. I think it really expresses what so many of us have been feeling and trying to say as we witness these tragedies.
Posted by: Waiting Amy at February 05, 2008 12:17 AM (ecQ9f)
16
I found you by way of Shape of a Mother. I was SO moved by this post. Having struggled with post-natal depression myself - I understand this more than you'll ever know.
I still struggle with worrying. Not just "did I remember to pay the bills" worries, but crippling worry that prevents me from functioning. I have come a long way - but there are still days when I feel it creeping back in. I honestly think I was predisposed to my depression through IVF.
I went from extreme anxiety with IVF, into anxiety with my pregnancy and my son's prematurity and I had no idea how to balance my emotions anymore. Even four years later, an overwhelming fear sometimes comes over me that somehow, even now, my dream will be taken away from me.
THANK YOU for this post.
Posted by: Tammy at February 05, 2008 12:23 AM (Mzciu)
Posted by: kenju at February 05, 2008 12:36 AM (yvCMb)
18
Thank you for this- this is so similar to how I have been feeling these last few weeks. I have six month old twins (and an older child) and find myself still traumatized by my relatively uneventful pregnancy. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, and still can't quite believe I got this lucky. And there has been so much tradegy in blogland lately- I feel haunted by it. Who am I to be so lucky and have such beautiful kids when others are going through such total devastation?
Posted by: Clover at February 05, 2008 01:17 AM (k4pMn)
19
So well said. I, like you, don't always comment on blogs. But it does feel like nothing bad sad things have been happening lately in Blogland, and it just breaks my heart. I don't think I ever realized how attached I've come to women I've never met, and wouldn't know if I passed on the street. But in this computer, you are all my friends. And I grieve so much, right next to them all.
Posted by: Erica at February 05, 2008 01:24 AM (D6tE/)
20
You've captured it exactly and beautifully. These women have my 90 seconds, and then some.
Posted by: Suz at February 05, 2008 02:19 AM (VN0e5)
21
I am at the end of a deep depression now and I understand a lot about anxiety, having felt a lot of it also lately. It is especially hard when you have the responsibility for two little human beings. Then there is much to be anxious about. I am sure your medication will start working soon and things will get easier. Being a woman and a mother is no sinecure, it is always just a little bit tougher than we assume it is going to be. Nobody prepares us properly for the job and we often have very unrealistic expectations. I think you are doing great, considering the circumstances, so you hang in there and keep believing in yourself.
Posted by: Irene at February 05, 2008 04:16 AM (RL+iu)
22
Helen,
I needed this tonight. I have spent the last few days going back and forth between the very blogs you speak of, and grieving with them. And yet somehow, tonight, I still managed to get frustrated with my almost 2 year old twins because I have to be at a paycheck job all day and feel like I miss so much (like that is their fault).
Thank you for reminding me to take 90 seconds.
Posted by: kim at February 05, 2008 04:58 AM (m+kW/)
23
Thank you for writing this. You've said what I have wanted to put into words myself.
xE
Posted by: Elaine at February 05, 2008 07:48 AM (/jsNo)
24
"They never tell you that when you get through a cycle successfully, you'll be on your own."
They also don't tell you that for those of us who never have a succesful cycle that tehre are some days when you will feel like you dodged a bullet...
After watching my sister in law have a still born full term baby, my bestfriend attend her 12 week scan to find her IVF miracle had died at 8 weeks and my cousin miscarry 5 pregnancies in a row at the 4 month mark soem days I am comforted that at least I was never given hope only to have it taken away so cruelly.
I grieve too for these women Helen, and selfishly feel relief that although I'll never have a child I'll also never feel their pain.
Posted by: anonymous at February 05, 2008 11:22 AM (dh/+g)
1
A pill can make all the difference (fuck you Tom Cruise and all your ilk!!!!).
My sister takes this for social anxiety, and it has been grest for her-I have really seen a change.
Now if you will excuse me, I will go back to cuddling with my sweet, sweet Effexor.
Posted by: Teresa at February 01, 2008 05:55 PM (gNe4u)
2
I took Celexa for a while and it did help me. Good for you for doing what you need to do.
Posted by: donna at February 01, 2008 06:22 PM (TzLxV)
3
I hope & expect you'll soon be very glad you took this step.
Kudos for taking care of yourself.
Posted by: BeachGirl at February 01, 2008 06:36 PM (RgeoX)
4
Citalopram is good, or at least, it has been for me. I started taking it when I was sixteen, for Panic and Anxiety disorder. I'm twenty-two now, and I have to say, it's made a huge difference. I will actually leave the house on my own, and do things that would previously have been impossible. Good luck!
Posted by: H at February 01, 2008 06:47 PM (DPzMh)
5
Can your doctor talk to mine please?
Anyway, glad to hear you have some assistance now. May it make your days brighter.
Posted by: MsPrufrock at February 01, 2008 06:51 PM (1NDGw)
6
Then I am glad you found something to help you! I think we could all use a little help now and then.
Posted by: Kristen at February 01, 2008 06:51 PM (KKPnr)
7
I have two things in common with Teresa's comment. I'm a friend of Effexor and I would like to give Tom a big "Fuck off!!!" I hope the celexa gets you where you want to be. Hang in there!
Posted by: sophie at February 01, 2008 07:01 PM (ZPzQL)
8
Good for you, Helen, and fuck off to anyone who feels the need to give you shit about it. I took Zoloft for a while to help me get out of bed in the mornings.
Better living through chemistry, eh?!
Posted by: wRitErsbLock at February 01, 2008 07:48 PM (+MvHD)
Posted by: Veronica at February 01, 2008 08:34 PM (LRnWq)
11
Yeah for drugs and anything that makes getting through the days easier. Hmm...maybe I should say most things. Well, no matter. The point is that I am glad that there is something you can do to help yourself feel better! Bravo for taking care of yourself!
Posted by: stacie at February 01, 2008 08:35 PM (dZ+qK)
12
i took it for about a year-and-a-half and then weaned myself off of it. it definately "took the edge off." i had some side effects, most noticeably nausea in the beginning, and desensitization (er, sexually-speaking) for the duration of taking it. no shame in needing a little help every now and then!!
Posted by: deborah at February 01, 2008 08:38 PM (He3MN)
13
I'm bipolar. Sometimes medication is all you can do. Sometimes therapy's not enough. If it makes you function, fuck everyone else.
Posted by: Meredith at February 01, 2008 08:41 PM (eF4qr)
14
No shame in that game, girlie. I take Elavil in lower-than-therapeutic doses right now because I became seriously in love with hydrocodone after my surgery. But really? Seriously? Was thinking of asking for Celexa.
I am of a mind that if Mama ain't happy AIN'T NOBODY HAPPY, so GO, GIRL.
P.S. Would you refuse yourself insulin if you were diagnosed a diabetic? It IS very similar, you know. You can't "cheer up" and "shake off" what you're feeling any more than you can "cheer off" diabetes. So no more shame, kay?
Posted by: Margi at February 01, 2008 09:45 PM (IYBY1)
15
Good for you, Helen! How long now? You've sounded a lot happier lately; hope that's been the effect!
I had a funny (well, to me) comment here but your "content" screener wouldn't permit it.
It wasn't dirty or anything! I PROMISE!
/pouts
Posted by: The other Amber at February 01, 2008 10:30 PM (zQE5D)
Posted by: Z. Hendirez at February 01, 2008 10:34 PM (otB//)
17
Something is better than nothing. I hope you feel better, I did when I took it.
Posted by: monica at February 02, 2008 01:06 AM (rlAwz)
18
Hi Helen, I am bipolar and take medication for that and it helps me tremendously, so I believe in the power of a good anti depressive.I think you have been needing this for some time and I am glad you have taken this step. Don't let yourself be discouraged by any negative reactions you may encounter, but I think for the most part people will react positively. If you have a tendency to be depressed more often, it may be necessary to stay on it for the rest of your life, so you may want to consider that. And that is really not as bad as it sounds, because it does make your life a lot easier.
Posted by: Irene at February 02, 2008 01:10 AM (RL+iu)
19
Good for you, there is no shame, I got help via an antidepressant 10 years ago, it saved my life literally and I will never give it up!
Posted by: Cheryl at February 02, 2008 02:44 AM (n3lCA)
20
Being the Crunchy Granola, that I know you are, lay off the St.John's Wort shooters.. Aight?
Wiki said so!
peace.
Posted by: j.m at February 02, 2008 03:31 AM (EQwL9)
21
Better living through chemistry, I say. Do what ya gotta do.
Posted by: Tracy at February 02, 2008 04:12 AM (sGr7w)
22
Want your doctor talk to mine, too- after three years in therapy for Depression and Anxiety disorder I'm still not sure whether the light at the end of the tunnel isn't the commuter's train from Düsseldorf. So, congrats to you. Take care,
Lily
Posted by: Lily at February 02, 2008 06:46 AM (EflFg)
23
Good for you. I've been there, done that with anti-depressents and it helped me tremendously. BTW- I am not signed up to Flickr so can't post there, but what an amazing photo and statement. Did you see Mary J. Blige on Jools Holland last night? You need to download her new song "Just Fine". She rocks it and will bring a smile to your face and make you feel like a strong woman!
Posted by: Kim W at February 02, 2008 11:47 AM (hdWUX)
24
Take care of yourself, whatever that may mean. If you don't take care of yourself then you can't take care of anyone.
( I know. I say this all the time. I sound like a broken record)
Posted by: ~Easy at February 02, 2008 01:13 PM (XD24A)
25
sounds like a broken record...but seriously, good for you for taking care of yourself...big hugs from Canada....I hope it makes a big difference in a small amount of time.
Posted by: wn at February 02, 2008 01:34 PM (2oP0M)
26
Good for you! I am sure it will make a world of difference! Thinking of you and the beautiful babes.. you were all in my dream last night.. they cood so cutely in my dream .. as I imagine they do in real life :-)
hugs...
Posted by: Tracey at February 02, 2008 03:02 PM (jgdKP)
27
The shame is not in needing help, its in making yourself and everyone suffer by not getting it. You made a brave and wise choice, and I hope you feel truly better soon.
Posted by: Mallory at February 02, 2008 03:17 PM (nvu+Q)
28
Good for you! And why would you feel shame? My god, zoloft saved me several weeks ago after the birth of my little boy. I can't tell you how good I feel these days! Before that I was a mess.
29
Citalopram is one of my three best friends. The others are in the same family. They've been good to me.
Congratulations on taking care of yourself! I think it's great.
When people 'go there' regarding my mental health care regiment, I ask if they'd like to do an experiment with me. That is usually the end of it.
Posted by: Stella at February 02, 2008 08:14 PM (sFS+Z)
30
You needed help— you got it.
Don't fret. Half the people I know have been on anti-depressants— note the past tense. It gets you where you need to be and then you can carry on without.
Smiles and Lemonhead loves!
Posted by: B. Durbin at February 02, 2008 11:24 PM (tie24)
31
Oh i have been on your new little friend for 5 years and let me tell you, she is the Queen in my book. Best thing since sliced bread. :-) Took me about a month to get use to it - only had two side effects - water did not taste the same - kind of metallic now. :-( Second i had nausea for the first month then it completely went away. It really works and i am not weeping over every little thing - i can watch the news without crying now..lol
Posted by: Karen at February 02, 2008 11:48 PM (67+F5)
32
I've been on Zoloft for 4 years and I could not function without it. Even with it I sometimes fall into a pit of despair (as I did recently), but because of the meds I'm actually able to crawl out of those pits now.
Posted by: Donna at February 03, 2008 02:49 AM (lQSbL)
33
I was on Celexa a while back and it seriously helped me with my agoraphobia and my anxiety disorder. I've been off it for quite some time now, but I can tell you that it's a BIG help! Good luck, hon!
Posted by: Lisa at February 03, 2008 05:09 AM (3Ran2)
Posted by: Lisa at February 03, 2008 05:40 AM (EcHBm)
35
Hooray for you! Glad you and your therapist took the step into happiness. Best wishes for it to happen as fast as possible.
Posted by: K (Australia) at February 03, 2008 10:28 AM (D1CMB)
36
You needed help and you got help.
That is empowering.
Posted by: Dee at February 03, 2008 02:10 PM (E2MKw)
37
Help is help, and whatever helps is good enough I reackon. Realising you need a small pill is a very brave thing to do ... good for you girl!
)
Posted by: Mas at February 03, 2008 05:35 PM (UGBIN)
38
So gald you've got the help you need, now I just hope it helps you in the ways you need to you.
Posted by: Suzie at February 03, 2008 06:53 PM (tFg0M)
39
Good Girl! I hope you feel better soon. So many woman dont have the courage to ask for help when it is needed. Im sure all of your readers,myself included, are proud of you for stepping up. For both yourself and the babe's.
Posted by: Christina at February 03, 2008 11:26 PM (J6Yo6)
40
I'm glad you've taken the step toward getting your depression under control.
Best to you ~
Posted by: Poppy at February 04, 2008 06:47 AM (owBfe)