I don't like talking about money, money makes me stress out badly, money reminds me of heated arguments. Money may make the world go round, but is also funds the divorce lawyers. I've mentioned a few times that as of March we're under serious belt-tightening, and the two largest reasons for that are nursery and the extension.

Growing up, my family didn't have much money. Like nearly everyone I know we lived paycheck to paycheck, and that continued for much of my adult life. Unlike my sister, my family didn't pay for my education or living so when I finished with a BA and half of my Master's (lesson learned - don't stop school, because you'll never go back) I was heavily in debt. I had the debt from my first marriage, debt of student loans, and the huge credit card debt I'd amassed just trying to get through school. I think I was somewhere in the region of $30,000 or so. Once I started working I hit a new low in income - Sallie Mae wanted their money back and each month $5.00 would literally make or break my budget.

It was hell.

As I kept working ferociously I kept getting promoted. Just before I left the States I had reached a point where I was earning good money and making a lovely living, but I was still mired deeply in debt. Debt, man. It keeps you awake at night.

When I moved to Sweden my ex-husband and I managed to pay off every last penny I owed thanks to two good real estate investments, and for this reason when we split up I signed over my portion of the house and all of the equity to him, as I felt it was fair. I was debt-free. Broke and with nothing to my name but a few Swedish pensions that won't be worth much in thirty years, but debt free.

Angus and I lived in rented homes for several years here, so I chucked half of my salary into savings. When we bought our house it was partly thanks to him selling one of their two homes, the home he got in the divorce. We have a house with a mortgage (and will have that mortgage for a long time, even though we pay more than the interest payments in order to cut into the capital) and a savings account to try to address the renovation.

Said renovation is to start in March.

We honestly can't wait much longer - Melissa and Jeff are feeling very uncomfortable and insecure about the fact that Melissa's room is also the guest room and Jeff, well he got usurped by the babies and now sleeps on the fold-out sofa in the study. It's important to be sensitive to their needs and ensure they feel like part of the family, an extension will give them their own rooms and the babies a room for them to share (which I support). We have no storage space anywhere. The antiquated heating is failing, and worse the ancient boiler has started to give up its will to live, right in the coldest week of weather we've had yet. Angus has only just managed to keep it going, but we're all in layers of clothes and the fireplace burns merrily in the afternoons and evenings. The windows, which are original and from the 1910s, are single pane and bleed energy out of the house. The kitchen, which we've always hated and always planned to replace, is falling apart.

We can't move, as the housing prices are soaring right now, and as I've said here we got this house for a steal. This house is also in a quiet, safe neighborhood in the middle of nowhere, a neighborhood where people look out for each other and always wave. The backyard is enormous, fully fenced in, and completely private. It's a perfect house to raise kids in...once changes are made.

In short, the time has come to renovate.

The sum of money for the renovation is staggering, and this is after we've pared it down to the bare essentials. Our savings will be gone in one fell swoop, not to mention that one bathroom and the new kitchen aren't budgeted for in the extension agreements and will be coming out of our own pockets, pockets already tight from nursery. It feels scary to fly without a net while parenting little ones. And it's a lot to think about, especially as Angus, the babies and I will continue living in the house during the renovations, which promises to suck on levels previously unseen. Both builders have assured us they'll use boards and tarps to protect the house as much as possible so that we'll be safe, but the bottom line is the babies and Angus and I will be living in two rooms of the house and I'll be thanking the lovely anonymous benefactor who sent us the playpen from my wishlist on a daily basis. Everything - apart from our daily living needs and the babies' things - is going into storage, as every room is being hit and a good chunk of the roof is coming off, too.

We're down to two builders to choose from, both of them accredited and checked out. One we call Captain America as he loves American Idol, one we call The Cowboy as he's a real go-to guy. We like them both but haven't chosen yet, which is ok as they won't start until mid-March anyway.

I'm looking forward to the other side of the building, to see what this house will be like, this house which we will live in for a long time. It's scary, though. It's a huge and very necessary change, but scary. I feel like everything is happening at once, at a pace I feel overwhelmed by. So if I get slightly more scatter-brained for a while, you'll know why.

Good thing I'm on medication.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 12:02 PM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
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