Having children makes you think and prepare for things that you never thought you'd need to prepare for. I'm not specifically referring to things like drawing up a will, baby-proofing the house, or kissing your line-free face goodbye, although of course those things happen too (and should Angus and I both peg it the babies and our life insurance payouts go to Angus' younger brother, aka the sane one, and my father and stepmom, who have agreed to work out an arrangement whereby the babies will be happy and very comfortable. I'm hoping we don't punch out though, as I'm sure our families echo - people may talk big but when it comes to inheriting twins - particularly runty often ill ones - it's the kind of thing that turns bowels to water.)

No, what I'm referring to here is naming.

Names are a big deal to me, and getting the babies' names right was hard. Angus and I both have names we dislike - I hate my real middle name, Angus hates his real first name. We both aren't keen on Angus' real last name which is why the babies may be stuck with it but when/if Angus and I ever marry, I'm keeping my own name.

Melissa and Jeff's real names are a combination - both of them have one Swedish name and one English name so that they can choose which name to go by based on where they live. We debated doing something similar for Nick and Nora. That ship ran aground fast.

"American names and English names are the same - John, Kate, Joshua," I say.

"American names and English names aren't the same," Angus counters. "We don't name our kids 'Candy' and 'Crystal' and Billy Bob'."

"No, you name your kids 'Prunella' and 'Nigel' and 'Princess Tiaami'. That's not even mentioning 'Fanny' - naming your kid after a beaver! Sheesh!" I retort. Making fun of American names. The nerve! I don't tell him I like the name Shiloh and always have done, but that name's been looted. I also don't mention that I think the name Nigel is good. And luckily he's never heard of Ma Joad or else the teasing would never end.

We drew up a list early on of boys' names and girls' names. Melissa and Jeff joined in, which is where the names "Wayne" and "Krusty" came from (thanks Jeff). Everyone was allowed to put names down freely. Vetoes were had in the next round - unless three of the four liked it, the names went.

It was painful.

I love the name Lily, for example. And Ava. Sabine I didn't even mention, which I've crushed on since finding Griffin and Sabine many years ago, because over time you just know what is and what isn't going to go down well with your partner. Sebastian, Oliver, and Benjamin are also favorites that I put on the list. They got the cut early on. As did Evangeline, which I loved once I heard it on House of Eliott (although I agreed with the vetoing of that name because really - pretentious much?) Madeline got cut courtesy of the McCann hubbub. But at least I wasn't alone - Angus' loss of Stephanie, Dominic, and Marcus saw him levelled onto my even playing field.

We also had to take into account things like nicknames and double-meanings, courtesy of half of this family being Swedish. Some names got ruled out as they would rhyme in Swedish with things like "poop" and "sausage". Not that the names meant that, but seriously if you do that "Mark Mark Mo Mark, Banana Fana Fo Mark" thing with some of the names, it turned ugly. Other names got cut because in Swedish the pronunciation is different and we felt that got too complicated. For example the name "Amy" - there is no equivalent of it in Swedish and the "y" becomes an "oo" sound. Naming a kid "Aimoo" feels a bit like we expect her to perform at a water park and catch fish in her teeth.

We also had to consider the playground factor.

"We're not naming a kid 'Noah'," Angus said, crossing it off the list. "That's going to see him beat up daily at the school yard."

We lost the list towards the end of the pregnancy, unfortunately - I wish I had it as it would've been a nice momento. But we knew what we liked, which was handy considering the babies made a rather unscheduled arrival.

When the babies were born we had a list of 5 names for each of them. We honestly didn't know what either of them would be called, we just knew that the names would come from the list of 5. Nora's real first name we were largely sure about because it simply felt so completely right. Of the names, we made sure that some of them were Scottish to fit in with Angus' family's tradition of naming each boy a Scottish first name. All of the names are simple, traditional ones. You won't find a Jaedeyn or a Boo or anything like that. We like things real, including using normal spellings for names (which is driven by us both, but particularly by Angus as his real name is spelled a number of ways and his Mum chose a most unusual one, which means he's always spelling his name to people on the phone.)

When we went into the operating theatre, we had the following names:

For Nick:

Alexander
Harvey
Gordon
and the two names that Nick was named in the end.

I ruled out Harvey fairly quickly (I was never sure if Angus chose that name to honor his favorite beer or not) and we decided Alexander was too much a mouthful as Angus' last name is quite long, too. Nick was inches away from being named Gordon, it was honestly almost a toss-up, but in the end we chose a first name we both love (but which Americans without fail mispronounce, as it was once a name of a sitcom character who also mispronounced the name). I can reveal that Nick's real middle name is one of my favorite names - his real middle name is Elliot. I love it.

Nora's name list was:

Alice
Emma
Eleanor
and the two names that Nora was eventually named.

I've always loved the name Eleanor. I can't explain why, I just adore it, but it's why I've always referred to Eleanor Roosevelt as Mrs. Roosevelt here on my blog as I was so certain I wanted to use the name Eleanor someday. In the end Nora's real first name was the one we thought would be her first name. It fits her, and I abbreviate it to a boys' name. Nora's real middle name is Fiona, a name that we also both love and could have considered for her first name had her real first name not been so absolutely right.

Both babies have an English/American name and a Scottish name. It can be their choice when they grow up what they want to be called, we don't mind. The truth is Angus and I actually love both of the babies' first and middle names. I know other people may not be crazy about our choices, but Angus and I feel we've done good.

So tell me, since I have no chance of stealing your name as I'm not having any more kids and as these two have passports and they're such a fucking headache to obtain that there's no way I'm changing their names - what are your favorite names? I'm curious if we're way off base with our name list or not.

-H.

PS - remember the UTERUS auctions held in April? Thank you so much to those of you who hyped it, bidded, donated, bought, or even wished for help. You made a difference. Have a drink today, you earned it.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:47 AM | Comments (70) | Add Comment
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1 We actually went with Alexander because of the many variations. If he wants to go by Alexander, Alex, or even Al (for his bowling league), those are options. We currently call him Xander. Eleanor is still high on the list if we ever have a girl.

Posted by: Z. Hendirez at July 24, 2008 08:48 AM (otB//)

2 I'm a name lover, as well. I'm truly resentful that my parents vetoed each other on their first choices - my mom wanted Eve Lilith and my father, eternal hippie, wanted Skye. Without revealing much, my last name happens to be an earthly element, so that one was scrapped. I'm bound (by choice) to Jewish naming traditions that my family adapted to American lifestyle - originally, the child is supposed to have the same Hebrew name as a deceased relative, but we've changed it to be the first letter of their name. Incidentally, my paternal grandmother was Helen, which was my mother's middle name, which moves "H" names to the top of the list by default. I'm also a strong believer in names that mean something - mine is derived from Celtic mythology and Hebrew nomenclature. Though I'm not in any position to even consider children right now, I have the most acute case of baby fever ever that puts me into a frenzied state at the sight, smell, or sound of an infant. So I have a lot of time to think about names. My favorites: Helene (modified from Helen by my mother, which I didn't know was not her real middle name until after her death) Sofija Eve Alysa Madaleine Noah (I see nothing wrong with it) Elliot

Posted by: D at July 24, 2008 09:06 AM (bAvOT)

3 I love the name Skye, which I first heard as in Isle of, then heard it as a name (thanks Mama Mia!). The name Skye, however, is one that immediately induces eye-rolling in Angus as "a name only Americans would name a child".

Posted by: Helen at July 24, 2008 09:55 AM (uXTgx)

4 I have a Rowan Emmalie (her middle name is a combination of my Grandmother's names), an Abigail Frances (whose first name would have been Frances, had I gotten my way), an Ethan James (James is my Father's name) and an Elijah david (David is my FIL's name). I wanted to use Ian instead of Ethan, but that got vetoed. Rowan would have been Gabriel had she been a boy. I really like traditional names like Henry and Oliver for boys. Girl names are so much harder for me.

Posted by: justdawn at July 24, 2008 10:00 AM (voPK/)

5 Yay! Oh I am SO glad you wrote about this and now I have to reply. I have sort of a split list of traditional Hungarian names and then English names...Right now my thinking is I'd like to do one name from each culture like with the Swedish for your step-kids. I think it totally depends on each family, and you have to do what makes you happy. What I mean is I think you guys went about it in a great way. Whatever works for you. I won't have kids anytime soon, but working around them all the time these past few years has gotten me thinking...I like my name actually so that is a possibility. Emese Grace (probably top girl name) Hajnalka (Morning glory in Hungarian; I never thought I would go for flower names but I love some of their non-English names) Abigel (Abigail) Noemi (Naomi) Kinga Adrienne Cerilene (from a favorite song) Vivienne (yes I know this was used recently) Eleanor Matilda (my grandmother's name) Boys I have a harder time with...some you mentioned I like: Oliver, Sebastian, Elliot, Benjamin, Dominic, Noah Nicholas has been stuck in my head ever since I had a VERY vivid dream about adopting a child with that name, about a year ago...I don't know what that means. Gyula Miklos Andras Arpad (my dad and brother's name, love it, pretty traditional) Milo Drake Ok I am done...thanks for posting this again, it was a fun read, and I liked getting to put all this out there even if it is for complete strangers to read.

Posted by: Liz at July 24, 2008 11:22 AM (e+Duv)

6 I actually love the names Alice, Emma, and Ava, and for some reason Eliza. I think Ava is getting too popular around here to use, and I think my husband would veto the rest. For boys I have less going on and I really like Jack and Charles (Charlie). Both are my grandfathers' names. My husband dislikes both of them. All I have to say is he had better come up with some awesome suggestions when the time comes because I have a LOT of trouble naming things (like pets) so if he nixes my short lists I'm out of ideas!

Posted by: Erin at July 24, 2008 11:57 AM (IPMSz)

7 You hit a nerve with me; Elliott was the name of my first love, and I dated him for 7 years. Two of my children have Irish names and one has a Jewish/Israli name, after the wife of a doctor I once worked with. It means "joy", and she is aptly named!!

Posted by: kenju at July 24, 2008 12:04 PM (E3t2s)

8 I answered your post a while back about asking you a question. My question had to do with when you knew you wanted to be a mom. I am always curious about what makes a woman decide to actually try for a baby. This comes from having a baby fever similar to D's and trying to reconcile that with the brain that keeps saying "No!" That being said, its pretty obvious I have baby fever because I've thought about names If its a boy, his first name will follow in the tradition of my fiance's family and so he will be named Theo. The trick is coming up with the middle name which, like my fiance, the little guy will probably use as his name. Ones I've liked that have been vetoed: Aiden Jackson (Jack for short) Sawyer For a girl, her middle name will be Marie; the same middle name that my mom and I share. So for her first name: Ella Julia Claire There are more, but I'm drawing a blank right now. Thanks for the post! It was fun one to ponder.

Posted by: Kelly at July 24, 2008 12:50 PM (Cid/I)

9 Names are tricky. Not only do you have to find one you both like, but then you have to make sure neither parent has a person in their past that "ruins" the name for them. Boys: Michael, Ryan, and Stephen Girls: Sabrina, Wendy, Samantha, Alexandra, Sophia, and Christy (but I don't like Chris for a girl's name) Ironically, that boys list was our short list when we found out we were pregnant with Angel3, and he didn't get any of those names. He got a Biblical first name (not Hezekiah, Jebidiah, or anything like that, but he was named after a king) and my dad's middle name. Why would "Noah" get him beat up every day? Is it like Eugene here? I've never met a cool Eugeen. All the Eugeens I've known are geeky like the Eugeen in the movie "Grease".

Posted by: Solomon at July 24, 2008 12:56 PM (al5Ou)

10 I'll shoot you an email on this one.

Posted by: ~Easy at July 24, 2008 12:58 PM (IVGWz)

11 girl names - I have always loved Catherine (any variation of spelling), in part because I've had wonderful friends with the name or its nicknames (kate) I liked Olivia for quite some time, but it became too popular others: Caroline, Tess, Margaret (Maggie, Meg, Daisy), Sophia, Emma, Natasha (with the right last name), Clare I lobbied hard for my most recent nephew to be named Walker Henry (lastname) - born to be a serious author, yes? Henry was a grandfather's middle name. I like solid boys names - Owen, John, William (Will), Charles (Charlie)

Posted by: suze at July 24, 2008 01:21 PM (0doyF)

12 I love names too. Eventually, we decided to go with family names but that doesn't mean that I don't love other names... Sometimes I wonder if we made the right decision but it was important to me that the names have meaning beyond "I liked it." At this point, if we do IVF again, we will use the remaining family names that were on our list. Currently we have a Bolander Michael - We call him Bo. Bolander is my mom's maiden name and my maiden name (yes, I know, complicated) and we named him that to honor my Grandpa. It's odd but I think Bo is simple enough that it makes up for it. Michael is my husband's first name. If we have another child a girl will be Clara Jane. Named after both of Mike's Grandmas -- Clara and Mary Jane. A boy will be Anderson James (A.J.) - Mike's mom's maiden name and his dad's first name. I really am dying to know the twins first names... I'm in the midwest and I promise I won't stalk you if you share.

Posted by: Jamie at July 24, 2008 01:21 PM (aCSFM)

13 We had just one name for each Meredith Ryan and Nathan Riley- We got a Nathan. Should our next be a girl we will keep Meredith as she would be named after Mikes late Mother- Mary Edith but the middle name will change as it is too similar to Riley (my maternal grandmothers name) As far as your real middle name? I've never been much of a fan myself.... the cards we are delt, no?

Posted by: Christina at July 24, 2008 01:27 PM (BxSFh)

14 I've been compiling a list of names recently - I just got married and changed my last name, so I've been trying to figure out what names go with this new last name. So far I've come up with: Girls Zoe/Zooey Celeste Clara Rose Violet Winter Emma/Emmaline Boys I've got nothing. Boys are hard to name!

Posted by: Heather at July 24, 2008 01:32 PM (s0rhn)

15 I love Eleanor too and that specific spelling of it. Tradition in my family is for the first born to have their parent's first name as their middle name So I am Jayne Denise, My mother is Denise Eunice My grandma was Eunice Annie.. etc. So Eleanor Jayne is a winner for me. I also like Madeline, Isobel, Olivia for Boys I like Lewis, it is my Grandfather's name, but Nathan, Ethan and Elliott are also high on the list. thanks for sharing the process!

Posted by: Jayne at July 24, 2008 01:35 PM (q5uvl)

16 I have a Paul Andrew, Ariela Adeline,Logan Arlyn and a Skyler Albert. I have always like the name Drake for a boy, Logan was suppose to be Drake but he came out blonde and to me a Drake should be dark haired! If you put the first letter of each other their names in order of birth it spells PALS..I hope they remain pals forever! When it came time to name Skyler we knew we wanted a S name Logan wanted to name him Soda Cracker!

Posted by: Brenda at July 24, 2008 01:38 PM (+FsNH)

17 Oh wow - I was wondering what happened with the person that was being sponsored in the Uterus Brigade. Congratulations to her!

Posted by: kimmykins13 at July 24, 2008 01:41 PM (OKezc)

18 I've never thought about kids names (another sign I'm not meant to have any?), but if I DID ever have to pick a name, I'd pick one that was either short or had many nicknames available. My first name is frustrating. It's not short and it doesn't lend itself to nicknames. As a result, I've had my name mispronounced and mispelled my whole life, and I go by at least half a dozen nicknames.

Posted by: geeky at July 24, 2008 01:46 PM (FBNua)

19 I LOVE to name my children after family. With my first son I was not very daring....his name is Dylan Patrick (Patrick after my father). My daughter's name (which I almost don't want to share) is a combination of my mother's maiden name Ellis and my husband's grandmother's maiden name Kennedy...So her name is Ellis Kennedy (wow that was harder then I though to put her name on the internet). We are currently pregnant again and if it is a girl it will be Brett Whitacker and if it is a boy some thing (because we do not know yet) Thorton. Brett is a name we like and Whitacker is an old family name as well as Thorton. Well those are our names and how we came up with them. I am furiously protective of them as they are family names..I really can't believe I just put them on the internet for the world to see....Thanks for sharing Helen. I always love to hear the reasons behind a name. OH and I love the name Elliot as well...unfortunately our last name starts with an A and it sounds HORRIBLE together!!! BOO!

Posted by: Melissa at July 24, 2008 01:52 PM (zAXwT)

20 I named my kids my two favorite names: Emiliano Tomas for my son and Sabina Isabel (after my grandmother and great grandmother) for my daughter.

Posted by: Varinia at July 24, 2008 01:55 PM (yFLca)

21 I was at a conference several years ago and met an Orion and a Noble, which I both like for a boy. However, Noble doesn't work with the feasible last name... As for a girl, I want a Roxanne so I can shorten it in honour of my grandfather.

Posted by: Patsy at July 24, 2008 01:55 PM (GmFL1)

22 It's scary how many names were somewhere in your post and have been on our list as well. One of our boys is named Oliver. Alexander was to be a middle name. Elliot has been on the list, and this one to be born shortly is going to be named something similar to that. But the girls' names, too! Elanor was our chosen girl's name every time (alternate spelling courtesy of Tolkien geekiness) and the "loss" of that name was the main thing I mourned when I found out we were having a third son. Fiona was on our list, too! It's incredible what similar tastes we have, as many people find our choices to be a bit off-the-wall.

Posted by: Courtney at July 24, 2008 01:57 PM (m3Pyz)

23 We both liked the name "Pierre" for our son, but as Germans can't pronouce french really good we had to save him from being called Piärre (sounds a bit similar to "pee" in German) and couldn't call him "Peter", because that's my husband's name."Peer" would also have worked, but my husband dindn't like it. We thought that we should give him only one name, because his grandfathers both were dead and had been called "Bruno" and "Wilhelm", not really exciting names, and a name which makes it almost impossible to make a nick name of it. So one day, my husband saw an old part of "Lassie" on TV and said afterwards: "I think Tim is a very nice name, what do you think?" And so we called him Tim (not Timothy)and kept the secret where we got the inspiration from until today. When he was 10 one day he said to me: "You know what, Mummy, I would like to have "Tom" as a first name, I like that better than "Tim". Uarrgh!I don't know why was that, but afterwards he forgot about it and meanwhile his name fits perfectly to him and his second name. Timmy has grown upt to Tim and there are no complaints any more.

Posted by: Paula at July 24, 2008 02:09 PM (Mup6Y)

24 We knew we were having a son, and had narrowed our choice down to John Declan or John Alden. My husband's last name made something originating in the UK the best choice. John is the traditional first name of the first son in my husband's family. Once we met our baby we felt he was more a John Alden, called Alden. It suits him perfectly. We loved it because it's got a classic sound and yet is not common. I feel like he can make that name mean anything since very few people will have any preset notions of an Alden. Except, of course, the American history buffs (Hello fellow nerds!) I blog as well, and it was a struggle for me to decide whether to use his name and image. I do. But I'd be curious to hear what led you to make the opposite decision.

Posted by: Jillian at July 24, 2008 02:34 PM (vICHT)

25 Hmmm... It would probably be easier for me to compile a list of names I don't like than of names I do like. I tend to be somewhat of a traditionalist with names, and for the most part I don't care for a lot of names floating around these days. Many of today's first names sound like yesterday's last names. My most important criteria would be making sure they wouldn't have to live with a name that would get them mercilessly hassled or beat up at school. I also have a problem with pretentious sounding names. Strange sounding family names are only acceptable as middle names. And speaking of family names, any son I have at this point (which would likely be adopted) would carry the middle name "Lee", as that was my dad's middle name, as well as my grandpa's (his dad). A daughter would likely carry either "Margaret" or "Ann" in their name somewhere, as this was common with the females in my family (my grandmother was named Margaret Ann, while my sister is a reversal of my grandmother's name, with an "e" added onto the "Ann"). First names for boys would likely be a J name, another common family tradition. Jacob and Jeremy would be front runners. Other likely candidates would be common biblical names. Yeah, how boring. I'm less sure on the girl's names. As long as they don't sound fat, sound like a flower, or aren't named after any ex-girlfriends or old female nemesises from school, I'm not picky. One name that would definitely be a no-no would be what my wife's niece named her son. Anybody up for "Damien"?

Posted by: diamond dave at July 24, 2008 02:41 PM (w7YIl)

26 Ellllllleanor gee I think you're swell........ If we have a daughter, her name will be Evelyn Grace. Grace - from Princess Grace, and well, because I'm a complete klutz and the poor girl will need all the help she can get. Evelyn, I just like - though I was immensely fond of Emma (my greatgrandmother's name) but found it too popular as of late to justify. (Apparently in 1979, April was a very popular name, and I was one of five in my first grade class, and I want my children to have a bit more unique names). We both loved Eleanor as well, but settled nicely on Evelyn. When we found out that Julian was a boy, it was horrible trying to come up with a boy's name. In the end, we found one that we love immensely (and our family is coming around to finally). His middle name, Randall was his father's and grandfather's and great grandfather's middle name. Patrick had always wanted to name a son Benjamin, but his sister took the name. I was fond of Ambrose, Camden and Ethan - all of which Patrick quickly vetoed as violating the playground rule.

Posted by: April at July 24, 2008 02:45 PM (428Y9)

27 My husband and I didn't agree on names for the longest time. I've had girl names I have loved for ages (Mahalia, Felicity, Shannon, Violet, Amara) and he never really thought about it. Our boy name came to me just a few months ago when I was rereading the Chronicles of Narnia - Edmund, spelled the English way. Our last name is very, very English, and as soon as I put Edmund Peter (a family name) with our last name, I knew my husband would love it. For a girl, we have temporarily decided on Charlotte Beth (for my mother), because it's a very classic, pretty name, and we can call her Lottie, which we both love. Of course, we're not planning on kids for several years yet, so I'm sure this can all change. My niece is named Ava - love that name.

Posted by: Julia at July 24, 2008 02:46 PM (FNm/r)

28 I shouldn't be allowed to name things because I change my mind a lot and wind up with a gnome called AndrewSteveStuart Jingleheimerschmidt. (His name is my name too.) And a cat named Liam. (Liam was supposed to be Neil Diamond Pants but he wouldn't cooperate and look like a Neil Diamond Pants.) And also, because I can find some way to make fun of just about any name out there. Sarah wasn't one many people could make fun of, except for the Sara Lee or Sarah Purcell connection. I don't even think anyone knows who Sarah Purcell is anymore. (My father wanted to name me Sarah Leah. My mother, ironically, wanted to name me Amy.) I'm not having the kiddos, but I have thought about names. For a boy, Justin, Eliot, or Ian. The first and last in honour of some wonderful men of my youth, the middle for the poet. For a girl? Well, there have been many. But I settled several years ago on Jane. Simple. Jane. J.A.N.E. No fucked up spellings, no Jaayne, no Jaywerjbnkjsne where the "ywerjbnkjs" is silent, no pronunciation of it as "Yane" or "Yohn" or any of that bullshit. Just Jane. Plain Jane, if you will. Because people fuck shit up far too much with names. (And sorry fellow commentators, but many of you have simply furthered my argument with your choices.) I knew a girl in high school named Tiffany. But spelled Thyphannie. I wanted to cockpunch her parents. (I also knew a Kim Kimberly Kimm. Also up for cockpunching.)

Posted by: Ms. Pants at July 24, 2008 02:48 PM (+p4Zf)

29 So funny that you posted this today. I'm going in to be induced with my second son this pm, and am planning to write a "name post" this morning. We chose ours from the short list we had for our first son, Emerson. Names included Jamison, Bowie (not as in David), Sawyer, Whitman, Emerson, Maxwell, Beckett and the one we are naming this baby. We're bookgeeks, so we're sticking with sort of uncommon, literary names. And ones that sound OK when yelled out the back door for dinner. If we would have had a girl, (or if we decide to adopt in the future) she would have been Colette.

Posted by: amishpromqueen at July 24, 2008 02:52 PM (OUTBp)

30 Ooh ooh names! Had to comment based on your reference to "Griffin and Sabine". My 4 month old is Griffin, but not b/c of the book (even though I loved it), mostly b/c we both agreed on the name. Consequently, Sabine is out for any future girl we may have. Our girl name was Beatrice/Beatrix. I'm an American married to a Brit living in the UK and I was also conscious of how Americans might potentially pronounce some Brit names. For example, I liked Alistair (esp the cool spellings), but I can just hear "Al-i-STAIR" from some grating elementary-school-teacher voice. Shiver. And kudos to Elliot - I loved that name as a kid when I wished I was called something more "exotic". I finally like my middle name, enough to have it for our girl middle name: Louise. Love your choices.

Posted by: Jenny at July 24, 2008 02:56 PM (XPLWE)

31 My daughter's name is Sky.My ex-husband and I made lists separately and compared them.Sky was the only name on both lists so it seemed like it was meant to be. My son's name is Fade.With him we had one list and voted like your family did. Fade was my number one choice but spelled "Feyd" like the character sting plays in the movie Dune.(yes, I'm a sci-fi dork!) People were spelling it wrong before he was even born so I changed it to the obvious spelling. the list.. girls.. Honor Navy Serin Story boys.. Feyd Lykan Levi

Posted by: Fawn at July 24, 2008 03:03 PM (4VYNU)

32 I had an older sister named Jacqueline who passed away at the age of 10 from leukemia. So I always wanted to have a daughter to name after her. I do love the name. So lo and behold I finally have a kid at 34. He's a boy. Shortly before this my uncle passed away - his name was Hollis Peter (he NEVER went by Hollis - my grandpa insisted on the name but my grandma always hated the name so he was always Pete). So when it came time to name our son I wanted to name him Peter in honor of my uncle who didn't have kids and died too young. My husband's very german family has the name 'Sebastian' in it and I just didn't think I could go with Sebastian as a first name so our son became Peter Sebastian. And we were firm on that name. Never dickered on it, never wavered from it. My husband's favorite name is (shudder) Guy which was NOT going to happen for our son. As of now I'm not in a position to be naming anyone else. Oddly enough naming my son after my uncle has sort of 'cured' me of wanting to name my kids after people. If I did have another child and it was a girl I don't know if I'd go with Jacqueline. And another boy would be up for grabs. Our last name starts with a 'K' sound and I'm not fond of first and last names that are the same sound and our last name ends with an 'A' so any girl name ending in A would be out (as they sound very dorky, trust me I've tried a few for the heck of it. Not pretty. Think German with a lot of 'ach' sound.). And girl names ending in A are about half of them I think. So I'd be in trouble picking out a girl name. And Guy would still be right out. I guess if I'm lucky enough to have to name another child I'll see what I think would be good. :-)

Posted by: Jennifer at July 24, 2008 03:20 PM (6JvP5)

33 I got one of those Baby Names Now books (not the actual title) so that we could specifically avoid names that were too popular. I really wanted Edmund, after my grandfather (Allan Edmands— any name ending in an -in, -an, or -en is right out because of our last name.) Evil Rob wanted Gareth, from Arthurian myth. (Not Gary. Never Gary.) Gareth it is, with Edmund in the middle for my grandfather, and Hansen for his. I can't name any kid after my father because I'd end up with a kid named like a Congressman. For girls, we'd have a weirder time, since we could hit BOTH our mothers with Joanna (his mother is Joan, pronounced Joann, and mine is Anna Jane, usually Jan.) I kind of like Miranda, actually. A little Shakespearean action. (Incidentally, the baby name book has various trends you can name your kid in. Like "names from Greek myth." The first one on that list was Jocasta. You know, Oedipus' mother.)

Posted by: B. Durbin at July 24, 2008 03:22 PM (tie24)

34 Okay, I need to stop reading the comments on this post because there are several of you that I'd like to bash in the head.

Posted by: Ms. Pants at July 24, 2008 03:37 PM (+p4Zf)

35 My parents immediately agreed on Amy for me. I have the same middle name as my mother, Jude. Her first name is Madeline but she's gone by Judie since college. She wanted me to have something simple and easy to spell as a first name, and my dad loved Amy as well. If I'd been a boy, I wouldn't have had a name on my birth certificate, since they NEVER came up with a boy name they agreed on. As for me, for girls, I always liked Etta, Ella (thanks for killing that, Rhianna!), and any name that is or can be shortened into a boys name. In fact, I had a girlfriend growing up who has your son's first name (said correctly and everything!) and I always loved that for a girl. For boys, I used to like Justin, but that's kind of passed. I like Ian and Liam (though I could never name a boy that now) and that name that Angus hates. I like Brit boy names. I know. You're totally shocked.

Posted by: amy t. at July 24, 2008 03:43 PM (3dOTd)

36 Max for a boy, Mia for a girl. Chosen because they would be easy for a child to learn how to spell and write, something that pains many an Alexander or a Katherine. Also so that strangers/work mates and random people who don't know them well couldn't shorten their names (like my real name - it gets shortened alllll the time - to one that's not really mine) And because I've always adored those names, in fact when I took up blogging 4 years ago and used the name Mia it was with an acceptance that I wouldn't ever have a child of my own, so therefore I could use my favourite name for myself.

Posted by: Mia at July 24, 2008 03:55 PM (HbLKd)

37 Our youngest is 9, so it's been awhile since I've contemplated names. Here's what I remember from the short list... Girls: Olivia--our daughter Fiona Josephine Boys: Simon--our son Espen Noah That was a fun trip down memory lane

Posted by: Jacque at July 24, 2008 04:05 PM (IM3t2)

38 I am horribly picky about names. I had so many rules. To the point that I drove my husband batty with it. Our last name ends in Y, so nothing that ended, or could be shortened to a Y ending was allowed. With our first I was sure we shouldn't name our children after any family, then no one could get their feelings hurt, so our oldest is Kyle Jay, then our next is Mason Tyler, Then with my daughter I knew I had to give her my fathers middle name since he was deceased. She is Miranda Lane. 10 years later we decided to have one more. I really struggled with naming him since My husbands grandfather (who was my favorite member of his whole family) had recently passed. His name was Earl. I just couldn't do that to a kid, so We went with Ethan Earl and it suits him just fine.

Posted by: the mother hen at July 24, 2008 04:09 PM (/6xft)

39 We bought the book The Baby Name Wizard when I was pregnant with Ava and had a process similar to yours. Our Ava was very close to being a Lily, and those were just about the only two names that we agreed on. We didn't decide on her middle name until she was a day old - it's Caroline. Her middle name was almost Thalice (after my husband's mother), but we didn't want her to have to explain for her entire life how to pronounce it (rhymes with Elise, not phallus). I love the name Celia, but we have a friend with that name, so that was a no go. Willa, Ella, Nicola (not Nicole) and Grace all got vetoed by my husband. I really like Audrey as well. For boys, I like Ian, Nathaniel, Samuel, Henry and Oliver.

Posted by: Sarah at July 24, 2008 04:27 PM (vfIOs)

40 Ahem. If you find that list, do you suppose you could send it on my way? We suddenly find ourselves in the search for baby names. Yeah. While you were on vacation, I went and got knocked up. Ok, I got knocked up BEFORE you went on vacation, but...I found out while you were gone! And if the hubs is right, it's twins. At which point, I will lose my ever lovin' mind. Because, if you remember - I have four children at home already, what with my daughter and my three step children. Oh yeah, did I mention we have a TINY house? SO - like you - we're considering renovating. Uh-huh. Although - I think from your experience, if we can we'll do it BEFORE the baby gets here.

Posted by: Tracy at July 24, 2008 04:37 PM (eiiGE)

41 Ms. Pants: Ha! Yeah, I get you. I work in photography and we photograph high schools— there are a lot of names that are off my list specifically because I ran across them one too many times at work. What's even more fun is running across a couple with the same name...

Posted by: B. Durbin at July 24, 2008 05:36 PM (tie24)

42 Having a different name, I think I'm geared towards different names. Nothing that's too bastardized (like the ever popular Jaeydyn's) especially with 47 y's and other consonants. The Mini's name is somewhat pretentious, I get that, but I at least went with a normal spelling. I don't want something he'll get shit for years down the road. He's got a total snowboarding/surfer name. And if we have another, we'll see. I don't like to name children I haven't met.

Posted by: statia at July 24, 2008 05:38 PM (5IjqH)

43 I do love my kid's name - Shoshanna Katriel. The S is for M's grandfather; the K is for my grandmother AND great-grandmother (one from each side of the family). Yeah, maybe she'll end up being Shanna or Kat as a teenager when having ginormous Hebrew names is ZOMG so embarrassing and she can't believe we did that to her, but I can't be too upset about that. If she'd been a boy she would have been Seth Kaleb. That one didn't make me cry for the sheer beautifulness like Shoshanna Katriel did (gotta love those pregnancy hormones) but I liked it. I have a hard time thinking about other names because a) we'd name for family members again so it kinda depends on who would have kicked it in the interim and b) ummm... yeah, not having any more. I do like Philip for a boy, though, but as we have no P's in the family that would never happen even in a wacky alternate universe where we had another.

Posted by: Sarah at July 24, 2008 06:34 PM (gZ16B)

44 Before my daughter was born, my wife and I spent about 5 minutes discussing possible names. She'd been looking for days, weeks probably, and she had narrowed down the list to about a dozen each. We batted them around as well as ideas for possible middle names and within 5 minutes had both first and middle names for either sex (we didn't know until birth). We never wavered or questioned those choices. Madelyn Helena or Ian Michael Almost 3 years later we're still working on #2. And Ian Michael is still the boys name of choice should that ever work out.

Posted by: Clancy at July 24, 2008 07:27 PM (X+xFB)

45 I gave my kids names that only Americans would use. I love them though, and my children (now teenagers) have actually said that they love them too, so I'm lucky. Krysta Dyani Justice Allen Harley Dakota Their dad is native american, so that played into the middle names, except for Allen which was a family name that he wanted to use. If I ever went crazy and decided to have another, I would go for something simple. My kids may love their names, but the teacher can't seem to EVER get them right.

Posted by: Debs3 at July 24, 2008 08:21 PM (c89zj)

46 For my son the names on the list were: Jesse Joel Jonah Jesse won because it's my Dad's real name, although he goes by a completely unrelated nickname and has since birth. If we had a girl her name would have been Amelia Jane - my sister's name is Jane and I have always loved the simplicity of it.

Posted by: jen at July 24, 2008 08:44 PM (Jp+mD)

47 On our list were: Alexander (until both a friend and a relative used it last year), Oliver (but we HATE the nickname Ollie), Edwin, Harrison. Our first is due this fall, and we ended up deciding on Prescott, because it is nice and classic, and we LOVE the nickname Pre. For his middle name we are using my maiden name, since I kept it. It is simply too long to hyphenate! For a girl, it was always and only Nona, after my grandmother. Finding a middle name would have been a challenge...

Posted by: stephanie at July 24, 2008 09:04 PM (4LJAm)

48 You are not the only one who had a chore of it. I remember sitting at a tble with my sister writing down every name that hadn't been axed on note cares and tossing them on the floor to see which ones landed face up. If they did, they were still in the running. Poor little nephew almost was named Bubba for lack of anything else (totally kidding about the Bubba thing, but we did threaten his father). His sister was easy--as soon as they knew it was a girl she was named after my mother who is no longer living.

Posted by: sophie at July 24, 2008 10:50 PM (ZPzQL)

49 Bill and I have picked one boys name and one girls name. Claire Anne Devon Glenn

Posted by: Lauren at July 24, 2008 11:44 PM (Pt1kf)

50 I have always wanted to name my son Maxime, and now I feel sorry for the little guy. Max is a very very popular name, both in France and in the US. In fact, both J LO and Christina Aguilera named their sons Max. Arggghhhh

Posted by: marie baguette at July 25, 2008 12:29 AM (BNqmF)

51 oh And.. My cousin's son's name is Joshua Oliver Scott Handley, and so his initials are JOSH, i thought it was cute. However he lives in New Zealand and has friend who are twins called Fire and Urban. No wonder this happened http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7522952.stm

Posted by: Jayne at July 25, 2008 01:07 AM (JWJCX)

52 Well, we don't talk about our son's real name a lot - but as you know, here in the US it violates the playground rule so badly as to be almost said to be molesting it. He has been called every variation any mind can come up with, and has never given a shit. We've offered him his choice of nicknames, but he likes the name he has. He's big for his age, and almost a black belt. People learn to say his name with respect. His middle name, also Scandinavian (Scandahoovian) is Bjorn. With the bloody oomlots thank you very much. It means "Bear", we call him Bear, everyone oohs and ahhs hwo cool it is. At the end of the day, he likes his first name better. Like yours, the kid is armed with 2 passports and family in 3 countries. I love you for finding names that worked internationally. But, as the story goes, we didn't try so hard. Once the tech said "It's a boy" the big Icelandic good holding my hand roared our son's name out loud - and it was done.

Posted by: Elizabeth at July 25, 2008 02:04 AM (DyeGv)

53 P.S. From the big Icelandic goof (also good, but that was a misspelling) - no one in this country pronounces our son's name right. In point of bloody fact, his freaking family (not the ones who moved to Sweden, the other ones) once informed me that I was mispronouncing my son's name, as well. There's an English guy in Australia who pronounces it so beautifully, it's practically music. I love Angus' name, but I'm all for people loving their own names - you know? I mean, that's what you're gonna hear screamed out at you in bed for the next 50 years - you best like it. Oh, and I'm with Ms. Pants on a couple of these. Not that I cockpunch as a rule - but I can be swayed to make exceptions.

Posted by: Elizabeth at July 25, 2008 02:10 AM (DyeGv)

54 Our boys name would have been already chosen for us and is one I loved anyway - my husband comes from a long line of "William" and then "Michael" so his dad is William Michael (he calls himself Bill) and hubby is Michael William. Our son then would have been William Michael - but we'd have called him Liam (which I love). I always wanted to call my daughter "Ivy" but our surname is Green - and even I couldn't call a child Ivy Green - so we agreed very early on after meeting to call her Carolyn after my favourite cousin and to use my maiden name as her middle name. Boring - but meaningful names for us. :-)

Posted by: Flikka at July 25, 2008 02:17 AM (o19Kc)

55 Our eldest has a South African first name, entirely unheard of here, but rather common there. His middle name is one of your choices for Nick and had it not been so popular here, could have been his first. Our second boy has a very common, ordinary German name, though again, it is uncommon here in Canada. His middle name is a bit more esoteric, being that it is a last name here, but in German is the name for the national symbol. Our little mouse has a more current (but far too popular) variant on an exceedingly old and traditional first name. It was my grandmother's nickname. Her middle name is a relatively traditional one that is not commonly used here, named after a dear friend in Africa. We call her by her middle name (or just 'mouse'. A significant criteria in choosing names was that they all be easily pronounced in both German and English, ideally with little difference in pronunciation.

Posted by: Tinker at July 25, 2008 02:34 AM (rU3SM)

56 Oh, and Cali is my cycle buddy on a BB. I had no idea she had such a presence in this community until I saw the number of comments on her positive pee stick! She's one lucky woman to have the UTERUS brigade back her.

Posted by: Tinker at July 25, 2008 02:38 AM (rU3SM)

57 I was born in the US, and my husband is Israeli (we have lived in Israel for many years). Our main criterion was that the names we chose for our children would be similarly pronounceable both in Hebrew and English, with no negative connotations in either. I wanted to name my son David, but my cousin had recently given birth and used that name, so we decided on Daniel (with a middle name of Joseph, after my deceased grandfather). Since I still had all my other grandparents, when my daughter was born, I just decided to name her Iris Naomi, just because I liked the sound (she never uses her middle name).

Posted by: Linda at July 25, 2008 02:53 AM (+0S7P)

58 We picked strong women's names, Mary Elizabeth and Meghan Anne, way before Meghan became a household name. We named the boys Keegan Andrew and Koy William as we wanted something original and creative for the boys but something very traditional for middle names in case they grew up to be Republicans. Keegan is also a homage to my Scottish heritage and my husband's first crush, his second grade teacher, Mrs. Keegan. I also love the name Madelon, my mother in law's name but didn't use it as my sister in law had not just had her children. She has and is done didn't use it, so I now consider it up for grabs, so will use it if the Gods are smiling and we ever have the chance.

Posted by: Melissia at July 25, 2008 04:31 AM (mJWbf)

59 If I were ever lucky enough to have kids... Elizabeth - Libby for short Eleanor - I like the name too - Ella for short Julia - family name Jackson - Jack for short Emmett Nathaniel - Nate for short

Posted by: Heidi at July 25, 2008 06:01 AM (u0To0)

60 Ok. I am so curious about their real first names! Love the middle names. :-) For us, we went with meanings. The names we chose had to mean something important to us. It was a challenge for us, too. But, unlike you, when the boys were born, we hadn't even got to the point of having possible names picked out. I was in the hospital, and there were scary things being said about how sick they were and whether they might live or die. Then they were born and I was sick and in a whole lot of denial. So, it took us three full days after they were born until we chose names, and only then because they wanted to send the paperwork out for social security! I do love the names we picked, though. One means "healer" and "warrior" because he was the sickest at birth. The other means "a gift from God" and "valiant". I am arrogant enough to already have a girl name picked out. Actually, we've had it picked for years, long before we even married. It is a combination of his middle name and ours with a version of my dad's name as the middle. I hope to be able to share it some day--sooner rather than later would be nice, but you know how that goes!

Posted by: stacie at July 25, 2008 06:03 AM (Lr4xO)

61 And by "ours", I really meant mine. It's a combo of his middle name and my middle name. That is unless you and I have the same middle name!

Posted by: stacie at July 25, 2008 06:10 AM (Lr4xO)

62 And by "ours", I really meant mine. It's a combo of his middle name and my middle name. That is unless you and I have the same middle name! (Do we have the same middle name?)

Posted by: stacie at July 25, 2008 06:11 AM (Lr4xO)

63 And by "ours", I really meant mine. It's a combo of his middle name and my middle name. That is unless you and I have the same middle name!

Posted by: stacie at July 25, 2008 06:11 AM (Lr4xO)

64 Dude. Sorry about the repeats. It kept going blank, which made me think I had to redo it. I must be tired.

Posted by: stacie at July 25, 2008 06:20 AM (Lr4xO)

65 My response to this deserves a full-fledged post, rather than clogging up your comments. I'll have to work on that tomorrow. Let's just say this is an interesting and well-discussed topic in our house and has been for years...

Posted by: caltechgirl at July 25, 2008 06:47 AM (IfXtw)

66 Wow, there are some interesting names out there! I'm not into complicated spellings or pronounciations as I know they will get butchered. My name has always been butchered, even my American name. Anyway, my votes are: Sophia (but I hate Sophe as a nickname) Jillian Kayla Bridget Eva (but it has become a bit too popular) Zackary (Zack) Owen Kyle Samuel (Sam) HG insists that if we have kids, specifically a boy, he will be named Javier, Jay for a nickname. My parent's son is named Jason, but it's spelt Jeighsyn. Dude, wtf?

Posted by: Angela at July 25, 2008 06:40 PM (DGWM7)

67 There are only two names I love the most: Veronica Lou and Scott Adam Elston. But I am a little partial. Your children have fantastic names, and I have no doubt they will live up to them.

Posted by: Teresa at July 25, 2008 11:31 PM (Kyv9e)

68 we stumbled on Auden by chance -- or not, because it is absolutely perfect. Otto used some of W.H. Auden's poetry in our wedding vows and it just clicked with us both as the perfect name for our boy...

Posted by: megan at July 26, 2008 12:07 AM (jy7KI)

69 My problem was that too many names brought back tormenting images of high school bullies. Of course, being a band geek, there were a lot of bullies. LOL. Our list for the twins pretty much was narrowed to two boy names and two girl names, and the determining factor was really how well they went with the middle names, which were both for grandparents (well, great-grandparents, OUR grandparents). Megan Rochelle Julia Rochelle (that's her name) Matthew Raymond Nathan Raymond (that's his name)

Posted by: kim at July 27, 2008 10:28 PM (P18/s)

70 My wife and I are trying to name our daughter-on-the-way and are having the same struggles. Trying to find an American name (Western at least) that is pronouncable in Chinese, and doesn't mean something strange. Similar to your Swedish/English issues We've decided to go with two separate names, one English, one Chinese. But they have a great tie together and the English one is a derivative of my mother's name, so it really seems to fit together in a Zen fashion.

Posted by: Matt at July 29, 2008 12:08 AM (dfNNc)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Back in April I told you about my friend Vicki. Her twin boys were born early and born ill after a very scary, dangerous delivery, a delivery that kept Vicki in hospital for a while.

Her boys had a hard start - a long stay in NICU for both of them, and they weren't well.

Vicki was discharged from the hospital and took up a temporary local residence to be close to her boys.

One of her sons, J, was discharged from the hospital in May. He had similar issues to Nick - jaundice, poor feeder, tiny. But he started to grow and started to thrive.

Vicki's other son B stayed in hospital. He needed a shunt. He needed heart surgery. They tried to operate but his blood pressure plummeted.

Vicki went quiet about mid-June. I hadn't heard from her. I worried.

I heard from her last night - her little boy, B, passed away the 22nd of June.

Once again, please, I am asking your help for words of love and encouragement for my friend - you can comment here as she's back online and reading, or you can send me an email and I'll forward it to her. We can't make this better, we can't make this go away, but we can let her know she's not alone in the world as she faces both her grief for B and her hopes for J. I just desperately hope to garner some words of support and kindness for my friend, who has a hole in her heart now.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:27 AM | Comments (51) | Add Comment
Post contains 268 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Oh fuck it. I'm so so sorry. Sending her my thoughts.

Posted by: Veronica at July 09, 2008 09:58 AM (8aaB2)

2 No words... just sending love and prayers. xx

Posted by: Flikka at July 09, 2008 10:05 AM (o19Kc)

3 I've been running through things to say here... and I honestly can't come up with anything. I guess it's like you said - she just needs to know she's not alone. The world is probably a very dark, dreary place for her right now... even though it doesn't look like it, there are people around, willing to help, to be there. I just hope she knows that, somewhere... she's not alone.

Posted by: Hannah at July 09, 2008 10:10 AM (lUH62)

4 I am so sorry...I will keep Vicki and her family in my thoughts and am sending love through to them all.

Posted by: Suzie at July 09, 2008 10:28 AM (weSjv)

5 I too am struggling to find the right words, but just a message to let your friend know she is in my heart and thoughts through this difficult time. I honestly can't imagine her pain. Karie

Posted by: Karie at July 09, 2008 10:29 AM (/0RPt)

6 I am so so sorry to hear this but want you to know that I'm sending you good thoughts to keep strong xx

Posted by: Mei at July 09, 2008 11:35 AM (k5T+Z)

7 I'm so awfully, dreadfully sorry. Ah god, even my imagination turns away from that pain.

Posted by: anna at July 09, 2008 12:41 PM (bA7b1)

8 Her pain is just inimaginable to me. Her story breaks my heart, I hope she finds healing in time and in her healthy baby J. H- I am sure you have but remind her that asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness, I am betting this isnt something she should attempt to do on her own. She and her family are in my heart today.

Posted by: Christina at July 09, 2008 12:42 PM (BxSFh)

9 Oh, Vicki, what a loss. I'm so sorry.

Posted by: Suze at July 09, 2008 12:42 PM (0doyF)

10 Unimaginable. I am so sorry.

Posted by: Dotty at July 09, 2008 12:45 PM (0hLIO)

11 Vicki, I'm very sorry for your loss. My sister passed away when I was 12, and it was the only time I've ever seen my rock solid dad cry. I don't know how hard it is to lose a child but have seen it very closely and sympathize with you greatly. I've heard it said and believe it's true, "No one should ever lose a child." My religion teaches me that children who pass away are in a glorious place. In fact, it's so glorious that if we could actually imagine it, we'd wish we were there instead of here. But I pray (and I'm not just saying that, I really am praying for you) that God will grant you peace and the ability to move forward without forgetting your sweet son.

Posted by: Solomon at July 09, 2008 01:05 PM (x+GoF)

12 I am so sorry. Thoughts are with you. Sarah

Posted by: Sarah at July 09, 2008 01:09 PM (BZerq)

13 I am so sorry for your loss. Thinking of Vicki and her family.

Posted by: jac at July 09, 2008 01:41 PM (7P8vq)

14 I am so sorry for the loss of B. Thinking of Vicki and her family.

Posted by: jac at July 09, 2008 01:42 PM (7P8vq)

15 My English is leaving me here, and i am only able to say that I can't by far imagine what this torment feels like. So sorry for their loss. Lily

Posted by: Lily at July 09, 2008 01:47 PM (DWmqa)

16 Oh no. I am so unbelievably sorry. There are no good words to comfort such a horrific loss. Helen, I'm so sorry for your friend Vicki's loss. There is no comfort for such a dark, dark place, is there? How horrific. Vicki, know that you are loved, and cared for and that your son's memory is alive and well in the blogosphere - he will not be forgotten, as our memories are long and loving and heartfelt. We don't forget. I will keep him in my heart. No one should ever, ever know the pain of losing a child. I am so sorry.

Posted by: Karen at July 09, 2008 01:52 PM (0M6oQ)

17 No words. I cannot imagine the agony your friend is feeling. I am so, so sorry for her loss and suffering. Big hugs to her and her family, and wishing her peace in the days to come....

Posted by: jodie38 at July 09, 2008 02:12 PM (4twyr)

18 You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you comfort and peace...in time.

Posted by: Lauren at July 09, 2008 02:16 PM (Pt1kf)

19 That is awful. I am so sorry. Vicki and her family will be in my prayers. Her son will never be forgotten.

Posted by: Jen at July 09, 2008 02:25 PM (/KD5W)

20 I'm so sorry. I have no words, only tears.

Posted by: Lisa at July 09, 2008 03:23 PM (hkgEp)

21 I am so sorry Vicki. You are not alone in your grief and many loving thoughts are with you.

Posted by: Meg at July 09, 2008 03:44 PM (ALAmK)

22 Vicki, Please know that the thoughts and prayers of many folks around the world are with you and J. As others have said, you are not alone...Michele in Atlanta, USA

Posted by: Michele at July 09, 2008 03:58 PM (DtKJk)

23 I don't even know what to say except that I am so sorry and that I'll be keeping her and J and her family in my thoughts today. Love.

Posted by: Meredith at July 09, 2008 04:27 PM (5MZai)

24 I am truly sorry.

Posted by: JuliaS at July 09, 2008 04:37 PM (Ftuq7)

25 Vicki, words fail me. I'm so sorry to hear about your devastating loss.

Posted by: megan at July 09, 2008 05:21 PM (jy7KI)

26 No words to express my sympathies. Whatever small comfort words may be, know that we are all grieving for you and your family. Peace.

Posted by: irshlas at July 09, 2008 05:43 PM (gubE9)

27 Vicki, I'm so sorry for your loss. That's the only thing I can say, as I know that nothing will make you feel better for a long long time.

Posted by: statia at July 09, 2008 05:45 PM (5IjqH)

28 Vicki--I am so incredibly sorry. There are no good words, but I wanted you to know how much we're all thinking about you and your family.

Posted by: Mel at July 09, 2008 05:55 PM (iXUTr)

29 I am so terribly sorry. To have gone through a long NICU battle and then be faced with such a terrible tragedy is simply too much for anyone to bear. You will be in my thoughts.

Posted by: Alexa at July 09, 2008 06:19 PM (sM/EX)

30 Oh Vicki! I don't know what to say - and I always end up saying something stupid so I'll just say I'm sending love and light her way.

Posted by: Margi at July 09, 2008 06:30 PM (1B1Mk)

31 Vicki, I am so terribly sorry about your loss. My heart goes out to you and your new family during this time that's filled with so many conflicting emotions.

Posted by: Vicki at July 09, 2008 06:53 PM (v57BG)

32 I'm so incredibly sorry for your friend's loss. Please, if you would, let her know that there is a wonderful community of women out there that know what she's going through -- she doesn't need a blog, just a computer. She can find discussion by other babylost mamas at Glow In The Woods. You're lovely to think of her like this.

Posted by: tash at July 09, 2008 07:18 PM (V/9Iz)

33 Im am so sorry. I'm sending up prayers for you and your family.

Posted by: Omnibus Driver at July 09, 2008 07:21 PM (WOXRM)

34 Oh Vicki. I'm so sorry. Réquiem ætérnam dona eis, Dómine, et lux perpétua lúceat eis. Requiéscant in pace. Amen.

Posted by: B. Durbin at July 09, 2008 07:35 PM (tie24)

35 Aww Vicki I am so very sorry for your loss. Sending you prayers and hugs.

Posted by: Cori at July 09, 2008 08:22 PM (LumIA)

36 Oh Helen! Reading your post just made me cry. I had so hoped... Please tell Vicki that I am sending love her way. I am so sorry for her loss. It just isn't right and it breaks my heart. I sent her an email (in case she doesn't really remember me), too. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. Much love, Stacie

Posted by: stacie at July 09, 2008 08:57 PM (Lr4xO)

37 I'm so so sorry. My heart hurts for your loss.

Posted by: donna at July 09, 2008 09:37 PM (0HRnQ)

38 Vicki, My most profound sympathies are with you and your loved ones during this painful time. I hope somehow the good thoughts from everyone around the world who is thinking of you will bring comfort and ease the agony of your loss. ~Meg

Posted by: Meg at July 09, 2008 10:46 PM (1UZtD)

39 Helen, your post made me cry... I hadn't read about Vicki in your earlier post. Vicki, I know it might be strange (or maybe not!) to receive thoughts of sympathy and support from total strangers, but I add my thoughts and prayers to those above. I cannot imagine the grief and pain you're experiencing. I am so,so sorry for your loss.

Posted by: Watson at July 09, 2008 10:58 PM (zw3TU)

40 Vicki, There is so much pain with the loss of a child. You will never be over it, people will not know what to say and will usually say something wrong and hurtful, no one will ever take your child's place. Those are the hard facts from someone that has been there three times. A person that loses a spouse is a widow or widower. A person that loses their parents is an orphan. There is no word for someone that loses a child, that is how tragic it is. My family and I will you and your husband and your little ones in our thoughts and prayers. Take every moment that you need. Your memories of your son will get you through the hardest moments but be sure you take care of yourself and feel encouraged to check out the online support groups and flickr groups for those that have lost children. Know that you will see your little one again, it does not fix anything but at least gives one hope in the darkest moments of their grieving. All our love and thoughts are with you at this time and for every moment in the future.

Posted by: Melissa at July 09, 2008 11:06 PM (+Wg/4)

41 I wish I could thank all of you personally for taking time to send your thoughtful messages. I read every word and I can't express my gratitude enough. Thank you isn't near the words that I should send to Helen for doing this for me. I'm overwhelmed by all of you and thoughtfulness. I am allowing my mom and my husband to read your words as well hoping to show them why I NEED my laptop and your words might also help them. Thank you again. I love each and every one of you. Love, Vicki

Posted by: Vicki at July 10, 2008 12:37 AM (r3Mwc)

42 I'm so sorry. Sending Vicki and her family my thoughts and prayers.

Posted by: Katy at July 10, 2008 09:23 AM (D1v+a)

43 Wish there was something I could do or say that could help even a little bit. Help the pain of loss you feel or the pain comments by well mea ing people who attempt to comfot you. But there is nothing I can offer. Excpet empathy in infinaty amounts. I too lost a child. My first born lived three weeks. Her heart failed. My heart still grieves 37 years later. My expereince is you will never get over the loss. Trust me when I say the pain never goes away; it just changes. I becomes more bearable. But I doubt there will be a day you do not remember your child with love. Being maudlin or depressing is not my intention. Please know those of us who have lost a child know and share your pain. Here are good supportive thoughts and feeling sent to you and your family.

Posted by: Charles at July 10, 2008 11:33 AM (maQJG)

44 My heart goes out to Vicki. Can a mother suffer a more terrible thing? I'm so sorry...

Posted by: sue at July 10, 2008 04:19 PM (WbfZD)

45 Dear Vicki, I work in a NICU and know the strength of those tiny little babies. They fight as hard as they can, it's all they know. Sometimes the spirit is far stronger than the body. It's not fair that your little one struggled so or that your family went through so much. I'm so sorry. Your family will be in my prayers.

Posted by: Searching at July 10, 2008 04:46 PM (sAK30)

46 I had a friend whose wife had twins at a very early stage. Both weighed in around 2-3 pounds, so both were put into incubators. His son finally came home after about 10 months, while his daughter remained in the hospital. Eventually, she passed away, leaving a big hole in his heart. However, here's more or less what he said to me: "We got the chance to love her for as long as she was here. We wanted more time with her- what parent doesn't?- but we cherished the time we had. At the end, that's what it's all about. And now we have a happy, thriving little boy who needs us as much, if not more, than we need him. So we'll give the love we had prepared for two children to one. He'll always be our little miracle, for whom we are exceedingly grateful." Anyway, my prayers are with her.

Posted by: physics geek at July 10, 2008 05:54 PM (MT22W)

47 Just got back from a vacation with very limited Internet access, so I'm a bit late on catching up with the news. I'm sorry beyond words to hear of your friend's loss. Given that I've just spent a couple of days with some very bright, very loving, and very underappreciated children, something like this hits a few more personal notes than usual with me. My wife would probably understand better, she lost a young one many years ago to SIDS, back during her first marriage. My sympathies and prayers to Vicki and her family, and Helen I hope you forward this comment to her even at this late date.

Posted by: diamond dave at July 10, 2008 11:51 PM (MDgLK)

48 I am so, so sorry. Many thoughts with you Vicki, and to your family.

Posted by: Teresa at July 11, 2008 10:41 PM (OYcTW)

49 kill downloader program rub offr worm kill windows antispyware removing malware malware rub off removing adware removing trojan horse worm scanner untouched by antyspyware

Posted by: keylogger remover at July 15, 2008 10:16 PM (+/s+h)

50 Vicki, I would like to add my most sincere condolences for your loss. I can't imagine the conflicting emotions you are experiencing and how hard it must be to grieve for a child and cherish and care for another one at the same time. I also want to send loving thoughts to your son J., who has lost something so huge that it can't be put into words. I am so sorry.

Posted by: SusanG at July 16, 2008 05:05 PM (9cVlO)

51 货架 货架

Posted by: at February 27, 2009 12:20 PM (MuEBu)

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I had a post about the babies being 9 months old today, complete with photos and all, but that'll have to wait as I go into a complete and total meltdown, complete with sobbing and shouting and hysterics. What finally pushed me over the edge wasn't the chicken pox or the plasterers or my broken vanity or Angus' bad moods or my 3 week old cold or money or work or the miserable fucking weather or the bat or anything remotely resembling something that looks like anything. It's the fact that tomorrow is Independence Day where I come from and courtesy of building it's going to be just another day of hellish renovations and stress.

I've hit my proverbial wall and can't take another day of this.

Be back shortly.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:31 AM | Comments (45) | Add Comment
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1 You can always come down here and celebrate with us...we can even see Ramstein's fireworks from our house. Hang in there, H...this will all be worth it in the end. Happy Independence Day

Posted by: justdawn at July 03, 2008 08:51 AM (5JtRQ)

2 Helen... I don't know how you've lasted as long as you have, with all that is going on. Just keep thinking of the finished product! And, as my granny used to say, try not to let the buggers get you down! I know, I know...easier said than done. Sending you hugs and positive thoughts..just wish I could come and help out somehow.

Posted by: Suzie at July 03, 2008 08:51 AM (weSjv)

3 I'm sorry you're at the end of your rope right now. Maybe tomorrow would be a great day for you and Angus and the twins to go out for a little Independence Day of your own? You know, from everything else. Maybe beer could be involved? Of course, even if you don't go out, I am pretty sure you can find a way to celebrate! Hang in there - what a gorgeous house you are going to have when this is all over.

Posted by: ZTZCheese at July 03, 2008 09:34 AM (Iw+8+)

4 You are a trooper, that's for sure. Hang in there! Happy Fourth from one American transplant to another. =)

Posted by: Sarah at July 03, 2008 10:11 AM (vgOgt)

5 Like everyone else said, it will be worth it in the end. Blah blah blah........ Hang in there. You and Angus need a vacation after all of this is done. Even if its only a long weekend to Scotland!!! And, you should maybe try one alone. I know hard to think of leaving those adorable little babies! (If you knew me you would be shocked that I mentioned that lol. Its very hard to do. But sometimes ya just gotta)

Posted by: justme at July 03, 2008 10:45 AM (m9SE6)

6 Im sorry your in a shit place. Happy 9 months to the kiddos, I hope you find some joy today.

Posted by: Christina at July 03, 2008 12:03 PM (BxSFh)

7 Happy Independence Day! I know you're at your wits end. Can you all take a few hours off and celebrate in some small way with the babies? Happy 9 months to the cutie pies, btw!

Posted by: Dotty at July 03, 2008 12:14 PM (0hLIO)

8 Huge, heaping doses of sympathy coming your way. I'm really sorry so much of life is shit right now. It will get better soon, in small steps. In the meantime, have a nice cold beer and lie back and think of America, and how we kicked British bootay in the war of independence. ;-) Okay, maybe not. But have a great day tomorrow if you can and try to have just a wee bit of fun to mark the day.

Posted by: Kimberly at July 03, 2008 12:42 PM (jomiE)

9 I understand better than you might imagine. I hope you get to feeling better very soon.

Posted by: kenju at July 03, 2008 01:17 PM (W0S5c)

10 Awww, I'm sorry. You need to find another American and shamelessly beg for an invitation to their house.

Posted by: donna at July 03, 2008 01:27 PM (0HRnQ)

11 ((HUGS))

Posted by: Lauren at July 03, 2008 01:32 PM (Pt1kf)

12 You want I send you sparklers, hot dogs and roasted marshmallows?

Posted by: statia at July 03, 2008 01:43 PM (5IjqH)

13 Helen, hang in there. Home improvement projects are like this, without fail. It will all be better soon enough. Enjoy your family and try to forget the rest.

Posted by: Annette at July 03, 2008 01:44 PM (zB3iu)

14 Oh honey, I totally get why you are down. Totally. Piece of birthday cake? I'm 35 today, so you will always be younger than me. At least that is something.

Posted by: Teresa at July 03, 2008 01:45 PM (+Bct7)

15 I would have crumbled under the stress a long time ago. You've got patience and fortitude, my girl. I think you need a meltdown (and an icy bottle of white) at this point.

Posted by: amishpromqueen at July 03, 2008 01:49 PM (OUTBp)

16 Hang in there!! I'm sure it will all be worth it in the end!!

Posted by: Heather at July 03, 2008 01:55 PM (66jI5)

17 Flinging love from across the pond - "long-time reader, first time poster" and all that jazz (though I lurv my Flicka coat). Just speaking out this time to say - your life has great purpose. I don't know you but through your writing, and yet I'm so proud of you and yours every time. Family, friends, goals, dreams - you have it all, and in spades, and you work your ass off for it, and you deserve every magical moment. And you know that even the sucky moments are magical. Buck up, chickie - you know better than I do that y'all'll come through this with flying colors. Yeah, I added a contraction to a contraction. I'm from Mississippi, okay? Consider your love button pushed, hon -

Posted by: LanieRed at July 03, 2008 02:04 PM (fhnln)

18 Even there, tomorrow is a Friday, right? Give the workers an afternoon beer in honor of the holiday, and try to enjoy yourself as much as possible. Happy 4th!

Posted by: stephanie at July 03, 2008 02:07 PM (nZr2R)

19 Hang in there. There are many people who care and are cheering for you and send good thoughts into the universe for you and your family. Hate the 4th will not be as you hoped this year; next year even better.

Posted by: Charles at July 03, 2008 03:16 PM (Kq6pH)

20 oh yes, been there. Two years of building dust ended one of my relationships, I think you are doing amazingly well. Hang in there. I will set off some virtual fireworks for you.

Posted by: thalia at July 03, 2008 04:06 PM (74rI5)

21 Sorry this comment is going to be sooo annoying but I can't find a page with all of this linked on it so am cutting and pasting the email info I received. There are July 4th UK celebrations! One in London as well. If I weren't in Scotland I would go to the one on the US Air Force base in Cambridge because they have fireworks as well! I am gutted to miss July 4th too... x 1) Celebrate Independence Day with Democrats Abroad UK. Join us, and meet Americans to discuss strategy and plans for Democratic wins this November. a) Cambridge (July 4): 4th of July Picnic and Fireworks Join us on the US Air Force base (no special ID required), with pay as you go carnival rides and food booths, live music and more. Free entry for the entire family. Bring chairs and blankets, but note that we cannot bring any food and drink due to security limitations. Time: from 6:30-11pm (fireworks start at 10:30) Location: RAF Feltwell, US Air Force Base, Wilton Road, IP26 4AY No special ID required For more information (location/other details): cambridge@democratsabroad.org.uk b) Leeds (July 4): Yorkshire Dems Cocktail Party Join Yorkshire Dems for a Cocktail Party to celebrate the 4th , meet Americans in the area and answer all of your voter registration questions. Time: arrive from 5:30pm Location: Ha! Ha! Bar & Canteen, The Electric Press, Millennium Square, Leeds, LS2 3AD Nibbles provided. Voter registration specialist on hand if any questions. http://www.hahaonline.co.uk/assets/pdf/maps/haha_leeds_map.pdf For more information: leeds@democratsabroad.org.uk c) London (July 5): Picnic in Regents Park Pack a picnic, a kite, and your political knowledge. Bring the family, friends, and colleagues. Prizes awarded for most creative kite, as well as for the winner of the Democrats Abroad Political Quiz. No RSVP necessary. Time: 12:30 – 3:00pm Location: Marylebone Gardens, Regent’s Park (just South of Chester Road, near the playground), Regent’s Park (same location as in prior years). For more information, park map, parking information and other questions: http://www.democratsabroad.org/node/5634 d) Manchester (July 5): Potluck Picnic Join fellow Americans in Manchester, where frisbees, sparklers and voter registration will be on hand. Bring something to drink and something to share. Easily accessible by bus, car and MetroLink tram. Time: from 6PM Location: Heaton Park (near the Southern Play area) Directions and maps, see: www.heatonpark.org.uk For more information: north@democratsabroad.org.uk or manchester@democratsabroad.org.uk For more information, and adjustments to the Saturday events if inclement weather, check the DAUK Website on July 4th: www.democratsabroad.org.uk

Posted by: Lee at July 03, 2008 04:22 PM (lN4Rc)

22 Thinking of you. Hoping you find some fun and sanity even if only for a little while. Hang in there. Happy 9 months (unreal!) to the kiddos.

Posted by: Lisa at July 03, 2008 04:40 PM (EcHBm)

23 Well, I'd send you some fireworks, but it would probably end up getting me labeled a terrorist. Maybe snaps and champagne poppers would work? ;-)

Posted by: Tracy at July 03, 2008 04:45 PM (eiiGE)

24 do me a favor and check your email in the morning. Shoulda had it sent for today. Oh well. Hang in there, hon.

Posted by: caltechgirl at July 03, 2008 07:19 PM (IfXtw)

25 I say set aside a full hour to watch all of the fireworks videos on YouTube, sweetie. I'm so sorry that you're in the thick of this stress. I hope it gets better soon.

Posted by: Mel at July 03, 2008 08:39 PM (WNTNQ)

26 I know that wall, and I'm really sorry you've hit it. Feel better soon... and Happy 4th of July from a fellow ex-pat over here.

Posted by: ewe_are_here at July 03, 2008 09:41 PM (WV2hN)

27 Helen-If you live anywhere close to us in SW London, you are absolutely invited to come to our house for a BBQ! We are having burgers, bratwurst (not sure - husband wanted it) and potatoe salad etc. No fireworks but we can stand around the grill and sing the God Bless America! Let us know..

Posted by: kimbeth at July 03, 2008 09:57 PM (46URS)

28 Hang in there baby, you're almost there (I know it doesn't make all the hell you're swimming in any better) but the light is there at the end of the tunnel and just think you're going to have a beautiful new home to share with your lovely family... Sending big hugs (and lots of wine!) \ For what it's worth...Happy 4th of July..I'll be working

Posted by: Heidi at July 04, 2008 12:41 AM (u0To0)

29 hang in there - you have so much going on right now, it amazes me you don't melt down more often. hugs, Sue

Posted by: Suze at July 04, 2008 12:48 AM (rRuNC)

30 I know, not the quite the same, but: http://www.fireworkspop.com/

Posted by: Lisa at July 04, 2008 05:41 AM (EcHBm)

31 Pretty soon you will have a Happy Independance Day from your contractors -- that will be worth celebrating!

Posted by: Melissa at July 04, 2008 06:29 AM (+Wg/4)

32 Hugs, H. May tomorrow be better day. Much love.

Posted by: stacie at July 04, 2008 06:56 AM (Lr4xO)

33 Happy Independence day )

Posted by: Moira at July 04, 2008 10:04 AM (UGBIN)

34 I'll bring some apple pie by later with some hot dogs. It's not a combined dish - they would be consumed separately. Also, ignore the fact that the M&S apple pie is "Kentish" apple pie. Perhaps it is, er...Kent, OH? I hope you're feeling better now. Not because of my comment, but I think I'm a day behind in commenting.

Posted by: MsPrufrock at July 04, 2008 01:16 PM (6Mr1k)

35 I'm thinking of you today. Happy 4th, my friend.

Posted by: Lauren at July 04, 2008 04:44 PM (Pt1kf)

36 Hang in there and Happy 4th!

Posted by: Meg at July 04, 2008 05:12 PM (NCxk+)

37 ohhhpoorsweetie! Tell you what, in solidarity with you I will not do a fucking thing today! no bbq, no fireworks nothing, Nada fucking thing! oK. 'so K, wifey has her period anyway.

Posted by: jm at July 04, 2008 06:19 PM (ygieo)

38 |Thinking of you - hope you get some time to celebrate. You are definitely on the home stretch.

Posted by: Betty M at July 04, 2008 06:51 PM (jjrQ2)

39 Perhaps you could just dump tea over everyone's head and claim it's an American custom to celebrate Boston. Satisfying AND patriotic (sort of) all in one. Hugs and more hugs

Posted by: That Girl at July 04, 2008 07:57 PM (AXIm2)

40 I'm drinking in your honor today. Things are really different for us this year too, but I'm thinking all the changes are actually good ones. Sometimes the good stuff just takes a while to shake out of all the crap. Thinking of you.

Posted by: Lisa at July 04, 2008 10:05 PM (EcHBm)

41 My therapist told me her life story the other day. She said, that probably the stress caused by building and keeping their beautiful house over long years was one of the major reasons to seperate her and her husband. Be careful, this has to come to an end, your children and your love to your husband got to have the priority. Good that there's help with the babies. P.

Posted by: Paula at July 04, 2008 10:08 PM (boXOK)

42 Happy Day! Hope today was beter for you. My yard has a big burned spot in your honor. And I don't even like fireworks normally. Actually this may be all about my hormones and nothing about your crisis, ha!

Posted by: Laura at July 05, 2008 04:38 AM (mt7IQ)

43 Still thinking of you...

Posted by: Lauren at July 07, 2008 11:50 AM (Pt1kf)

44 Sending a hug your way. Hope you are okay...well, maybe I should say I hope you are surviving today. :-) Much love, Stacie

Posted by: stacie at July 07, 2008 05:28 PM (Lr4xO)

45 Just take care of you. We'll be here when you get back.

Posted by: physics geek at July 07, 2008 06:33 PM (MT22W)

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The cavalry arrived last night to help, which is good because between builders (Helen and Angus? Yeah. We need the bathrooms tiles this weekend, the bedrooms painted so we can lay the floor down, and the sockets fitted. Good luck!), plasterers (who thoughtfully broke the mirror on my Edwardian vanity, but are paying to replace it and have gifted our home with that fabulous new plaster scent, which is somewhere between burnt hair and mildew), workload gone mad, colds, chicken pox, and my PMS, I was rapidly heading towards a meltdown.

Still no sign of the pox on Nora, and we're beginning to suspect it's what Rose commented yesterday - Nora's going to catch them from Nick, and she's in the incubation period, so we'll have several solid weeks of hell. The good news is, Nick has had no new spots appear in 24 hours, so we are hoping this means an end is finally in sight.

Be back tomorrow.

-H.

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