To my little boy,

Two days ago you had shots (ouch) and a weigh-in (oooh, you're nekkid!) and we got the bad news that the unhappiness you've had over solid foods has been for nothing.

You should know, as I hold your prawn-like body when you curl into me, that there is nothing I wouldn't do for you. You should know, as you look at the lights and stare at the sky and take in this new world of yours, that there are no ways you could be any more perfect to me. You should know, when I make munching noises and try to eat your hand, that there are no words to describe how very much I love you.

You had a rough beginning, my little man. You were tiny at birth, and squished into the cradle of my pelvis your cranium suffered some misshaping. You were badly jaundiced. You were forcefed. But you surprised everyone and decided you were done with the nasogastric tube, and you pulled it out yourself when you were 4 weeks premature.

Your quiet determination amazed me.

Once you started eating you were a whole different baby. Quiet, easy, happy, charming. Everyone loved you, everyone wanted to hold you. You and I drifted apart a bit, as I was the one responsible for handling your collicky sister. You became a jewel in your father's eyes, and you became someone I was desperate to get to know.

Now your sister is better and you and I have been getting to know each other. You amaze me daily with your tiny sweetness. You are calm and gentle. You observe. I think you will be a kind person.

I watched a TV program about a boys' choir, and I imagined you at age 10 or 13 or 15 just like those boys, and I found myself looking forward to that as much as I look forward to tomorrow, to 3 years old, to any minute I get to be with you.

You fell off the percentile charts and I worried so much about you I couldn't breathe. Were you unhappy? Were you ill? Would it be ok? You are so, so small - heavier than your sister but you look much more slight - and I worry about the big wide world and the toll it's taking on you.

This morning you ate your squash without protest.

And late last night your father, blowing raspberries on the bottom of your petite wrinkly foot, made you laugh long and loud.

It was the first time you've laughed.

In that moment, when I heard that magical sound, all my fears were chased away. Everything will be all right.

To hell with the doctors, we're throwing the chart out the window. I will catch you if you fall. You are a gift. We can do this, baby. We can do this. I will touch your sweet face and laugh at your silly smiles and I will hold your hand as we cross every proverbial street.

I love you right up to the moon and back, my little boy.

Love,
Mommy

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 12:05 PM | Comments (18) | Add Comment
Post contains 530 words, total size 3 kb.

1 What a beautiful letter to your little guy..."to the moon and back"...what a wonderful, WONDERFUL way to express your love. I am so SO happy for you, for all of you! I look forward to reading about your little family with wonder and awe. Keep well.

Posted by: wn at February 23, 2008 12:21 PM (9oQQN)

2 Exactly.

Posted by: ~Easy at February 23, 2008 12:34 PM (XD24A)

3 I hate to cry before breakfast, but this post was worth it...

Posted by: pam at February 23, 2008 01:57 PM (l6NIn)

4 Oh my ... definitely worth it. What a beautiful love letter to your little boy. Thank you for sharing. :: heads off to find tissues ::

Posted by: Lisa at February 23, 2008 02:48 PM (EcHBm)

5 Awwww.... I think Big Nutbrown Hare would be moved as well. I'm glad to hear that you have found some peace with it.

Posted by: donna at February 23, 2008 03:05 PM (TzLxV)

6 Why are you always making me cry? Biiiiitch!

Posted by: MsPrufrock at February 23, 2008 03:50 PM (1NDGw)

7 That's a very sweet letter.

Posted by: Jen(aside) at February 23, 2008 05:33 PM (yAsX1)

8 so sweet....

Posted by: caltechgirl at February 23, 2008 08:32 PM (IfXtw)

9 Such a sweet letter! Nick is his own little person and will do things his own way (not unlike his mommy). If nothing else, we know that he will forge his own path in life. How great is that?

Posted by: stacie at February 23, 2008 08:56 PM (bxoQT)

10 That was beautiful. I cried, but I finally know that I get to experience the same emotion. Soon, very soon! Thanks for sharing!

Posted by: Vickiickiki at February 23, 2008 10:09 PM (/Zf3j)

11 Glad the kids aren't here, because they would want to know why mom is crying. Lovely letter.

Posted by: Teresa at February 23, 2008 10:17 PM (mOulZ)

12 Lovely. And you're right: everything will be all right. They're growing, they are putting on a bit of weight, they're happy... The charts should be tossed for premature twins... it's an unfair 'comparison', and in a year, they'll be where everybody else is at their age.

Posted by: ewe_aer_here at February 24, 2008 12:16 AM (sP0bE)

13 Ah, you know how to make me cry in happiness. He's a wonder, I am sure. I know how magical the first laugh is - really special!

Posted by: kenju at February 24, 2008 03:35 AM (yvCMb)

14 That was beautiful and so heartfelt.

Posted by: Ernie E at February 24, 2008 05:04 AM (j4GQE)

15 that is so beautiful, how lucky the little ones are to have you. And it just shows, Mommy does know best. Who needs charts?!?! )

Posted by: Mas at February 24, 2008 09:34 AM (UGBIN)

16 *sniffles*

Posted by: Lauren at February 24, 2008 08:26 PM (iUfJz)

17 Wow, truly beautiful Helen. I'm sure at some point in the future he will adore this even more that we do now. Christopher

Posted by: Mr.Thomas at February 25, 2008 03:21 AM (Xjzpw)

18 Baby laughter (especially their first laughs) is glorious. Very few things can compare. Keep enjoying the good times. The weight will come. We had the opposite problem with Angel3; he was off the chart on the heavy end. He gained so much weight so quickly, I was afraid he was going to end up on Oprah as one of those 150 pound kindergarteners. He looked like the Michelin Tire man...lots of fat rolls. Fortunately he slowed down and is normal now, and I trust yours will pick up.

Posted by: Solomon at February 25, 2008 02:59 PM (x+GoF)

Hide Comments | Add Comment