...and that subject is masturbation.

Now, I am not using said subject as any kind of shock value, or any kind of way to spike up my stats since anyone doing an internet search will be able to find the word "masturbation" in a Google search and thus click on my page.

I am hoping to discuss masturbation in a pure, taking-care-of-myself kind of way.

I am possessed with a very high sex drive, and yet with a very conservative partner. We do not talk about self-relations, nor do we allude to the fact that they are done, even though my pants are down and I am at myself like a rabbit whenever the opportunity presents itself, or else if there is nothing good on tv and I think I can get away with the vibrating sounds upstairs. My partner does it when I am asleep or in the shower (a la "American Beauty", as I think most of the male population does). He thinks, despite my protestations to the contrary, that it bothers me that he does it. I would be more bothered if he didn't do it, actually. I asked him once to give himself a little knuckle loving in front of me in bed, and after he turned twenty shades of purple, had an explosive K-Y Jelly airborne temper tantrum, and a few days of stony silence, we agreed we are not the kind of couple that has mutual masturbation.

So, Colin baby, I am all yours.

Everybody does it. Everybody. I had a close guy friend who to this day maintains he has never touched himself sexually and never will, even in the times he had a sex draught. After me righting myself from my explosive laughter and strings of obscenities which translate, at the end of the day, to "I don't believe you, no one has one of those things and keeps his hands off it!", he still stands by his word. But I still don't believe him. After all, be around any man, of any age, and you will notice that they have subtle ways of touching themselves and "adjusting themselves", which I believe is just a male euphemism for pocket pool.

It's hard to masturbate if you are a woman and have no idea of what to do. They don't teach you this stuff in sex ed. They don't say "Right. Forget always jamming things up the hole. Explore the little triangle of flesh. Play with your nipples. And for God's sake, just give up on pearls!" I tried it when I was in college, in the bathtub. I lifted my hips and held myself under the faucet, waiting for this gushing torrent of liquid pleasure. All that happened was I got water-logged. I then tried my hand-many, many times-and just as I started feeling something nice, the little triangle disappeared (guys, take note: sometimes, when you are providing us with oral pleasure, this happens. Just keep moving. Trust us.)

It all finally came together when a boyfriend of mine went to work, and I was at home. I noticed his mini-massager, which he used on his back, and one thing led to another, and BAM!!!! I had my first self-orgasm and never went back again. Thanks to the TV show with those lovely women with libidos greater than Kobe Bryant's, women can take a greater role in making sure that they are pleased, all thanks to the lovely rabbit. Which I bought, wore out, and bought another one of. I also have a number of incredibly small and quiet gadgets, and since I was just in Ireland over the weekend, a few more have been added to my collection from a helpful store. I think it's important that women learn how to give themselves shuddering, fabulous climaxes. After all, if our men won't do it, why can't we?

-H

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 02:52 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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