Anniversary-the yearly return of the date of some event.

The definition of anniversary according to Websters. Not very imaginative or romantic, but then again, one can hardly expect the dictionary to conjure images of prancing ponies and hearts and flowers. Interestingly, if you do a thesaurus check on anniversary in Microsoft Word, you get the following: "birthday, centenary, bicentenary, centennial, bicentennial, wedding anniversary".

Ah, now we're getting somewhere. So if you have an anniversary, you are potentially either turning 50, 100 (or any other liniment-involved kind of age marker) or else you have a regular birthday or wedding-type remembrance. Those, and only those, I presume. No anniversaries listed for giving up chocolate. Or the day you realized that the 80's really were dead (despite the cause celeb given to them by numerous compilation albums), and May They Rest in Peace. Or mark remembrance of the death of someone special in your life. Or to commemorate the day you went from being friends with someone to a heavy snog/full-on bedroom fun.

I think all of those days count, perhaps much more than the mundane anniversaries that we usually celebrate. Well, OK-turning 50 or 100 is a big deal too (if one can believe all the hype, of course, that is associated with lawn signs, T-shirts, and the alcohol-based detritus of a birthday celebration of that magnitude). But if I could have my way, my choice, the celebrations that I personally would choose to observe on a yearly basis would be:

- My birthday (they can be quite fun, since I tend to disregard that whole getting older business)
- The first time I flew to a foreign destination
- The first time I fell in love (a toughie I know-in general, most of us can't pinpoint that exact moment when we realized that our heart was no longer our personal property)
- The first time I realized I was over that first love (again a tough one, but likely the first time that I wasn't curled up in the fetal position on the living room floor and listening to Peter Gabriel records, while clutching a bottle of vodka)
- A steamy night I had in Bangkok that changed my life in a million ways, nearly all of them good
- The first time I crossed the boundary from friend to lover with certain persons

I think that should just about wind up that list. One thing which may seem a glaring omission on my list is "wedding anniversary". Do I want to celebrate it?

I don't know. Considering that today is my wedding anniversary, and my goal is to simply get through this week in one piece, I would have to say that I am not in the champagne-guzzling, truffles-in-the-bubble-bath-fete type of mode. Did I have a nice wedding? Yup. Was it a fun party? Yes again. Would I marry him again if I had to do it all over again? Not sure, will have to sit on that one a while and get back to you. It would mean that the landscape of my life would not look like it does today. This is, perhaps, a pro and a con.

And why is it that everytime I look at his open and loving face, my heart sinks just a little bit more?

It leads me to the next defintions-

Confused - 1) To mix up; put into disorder. 2) To bewilder or embarrass. 3) To mistake the identity of.

Guilt - 1) The state of having done a wrong or committed an offense. 2) A feeling of self-reproach from believing that one has done a wrong.

Hope - 1) A feeling that what is wanted will happen; desire accompanied by expectation. 2) The object of this. 3) A person or thing on which one may base some hope.

Thanks Webster. Let's try to see if I can't start to clean up this mess...

-H

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:19 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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