June 30, 2003

I have been writing a

I have been writing a long, large volume of work for some time. Actually as far back as I can remember I have had some work in progress. And now it feels like it's time to do something about it.

It will probably be in the nick of time, since more redundancies have been announced at the company I work for. Telecom is a tough place to be working these days. If you are still even lucky enough to have a job (many aren't), then those that are left have what we call here as "Survivor Syndrome"-I made the cuts, but watched 50% of my co-workers go, and the guilt at still being here while they are in the torment of job-hunting is awful.

I bought a book of literary agents, and I found one in the UK that has a street address of a city I lived in for a long while, and in which I went to university. Now, I tend to not be overwhelmingly superstitious, but I feel like it's a sign. A positive one. One I will take a chance at. I have to prepare a section of my latest work (which is not yet ready for anyone's viewing, let alone the hope of being published), so I will be spending time this summer cleaning up a section to send for review. This is extremely hard on me-I am not good at rejection and am easily wounded, so I can see some wound-licking in my future. All this, since the agent has a coincidental street address.

People often ask me where I'm from. Apparently, my American accent is not so thick-I get asked a lot if I am Irish or British. Then, when people find out I am from the U.S., I get asked a lot of questions. The first one obviously is: Where in the U.S. are you from? That's a good question, and one not so easily answered. I grew up all over the U.S., moving a lot, since my dad was in the Air Force. So it's not such a simple question. Where am I from? All over. Where do I feel like I am from? No where. Where do I call home? Whatever square of space I happen to be standing on when someone asks me the question.

It's hard not coming from anywhere. I have no sense of local patriotism. Petty regionalism jokes pass me by. I have no friends from my childhood (they all moved around a lot, too). My oldest friends date back to university, less than 8 years ago. I don't get to nurse a beer at a party with someone that I grew up with running in and out of the sprinklers. I don't have a sense of "Town X is my hometown."

So it's ironic that I am going for a literary agent based on my non-existent hometown. Then again, I guess we all need to drop anchor sometime, and let the ship rest at port.

-H

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