This has been a pretty post-happy weekend for me.

It is now five o'clock in the fucking morning. On Sunday. And I am wide awake. I should be used to this, I am an insomniac anyway, but sometimes being unable to sleep just pisses you off.

I should be sleeping, after all most normal people are. Earlier in the evening, there were two nice bottles of red wine. A fire in the fireplace. It is raining and windy outside, which by all accounts lulls most people in a somnabulistic stupor, tugging comfortingly at their synapses and imaginations. But it isn't helping mine.

That the old adage is true-there is no rest for the weary. And isn't it so that during the night, your mind starts to replay your worries, magnifying them to about one million times their normal alloted degree of severity? My night has thus far played out thus:

8:00 pm-started fire in fireplace and cracked open a second bottle of wine.
9:00 pm-started watching "Annie Hall"
9:30 pm-we decide the film is too intellectual for our current level of intoxication, we go to bed.
10:00 pm-read.
10:30 pm-wonder aloud and discuss if we should have sex. Decide against it, as he says he will try it on in the morning. Am relieved but also wondering if I have been downgraded in the sexy department.
11:00 pm-fall asleep.
1:00 am-wake up after having a Kafka dream.
1:30 am-fall back asleep, just now able to let go of Kafka dream and horrible images from earlier in my week.
2:00 am-ulcer goes off like a bottle rocket. Yes, that's right-I am 29 and have an ulcer. I also have a therapist, a satellite dish and several mobile phones, so I guess I could not be more bourgeoisie if I tried.
2: 15 am-debate going to take medicine for ulcer but determine that would require walking two flights of stairs in the dark so I decline.
2:30 am-fall into the zone of sleepy dreaminess-I am mostly asleep but able to steer my dreams. They start heading into Kafka zone again.
3:30 am-wake up and am sick in the bathroom. This is not new-I have been sick since Tuesday, during the Most Fucked Up Day of My Life. I never knew that nerves really could affect your stomach like that.
4:00 am-lay back down in bed. Idly rub hand over stomach which-I must say-has become incredibly flat due to combination of boxing and lack of appetite. Debate masturbating but determine that all my toys are too noisy, partner unit would wake up, and I am not really in the mood to attend to his needs, too. And I am not a finger girl, so that's not an option.
4:15 am-get up.
4:20 am-lay down.
4:30 am-give in and get up. Sleep just not going to happen.

So I fixed up my site a bit, going to make some coffee, and read in the living room. At least my problems don't seem so big now that I am awake.

And the good news is, my stomach looks killer.

Good morning to you all.

-H

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 05:31 AM | No Comments | Add Comment
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