Yesterday I did F-A. Nada. Not a thing. My big claim to fame is that I brushed my teeth, walked the dog, and otherwise watched TV. I managed to avoid a nervous breakdown by manouvering my way to the breakdown lane, putting my head in neutral, and re-reading my owner's manual while debating flagging other healthy ids down for some roadside assistance. And I wrote really long blogs, which was quite something.

I think I am good for now.

The final tally is: 5.

I am happy to report that dead battery problem was solved, and no Black and Decker tools needed a la Layne. Since I was a loser, I watched a lot of McGyver as a youngster. I was thus able to ingeniously hook up my favorite vibrator to an alternate power source that was rigged using a pencil, a rubber band, and a geranium, which I saw in an episode where McGyver needed to build a submarine to escape from a pack of Great White sharks.

NOTE: this ingenious recipe is not to be confused with rigging a pencil, a rubber band, and a chocolate bar. That is the McGyver recipe for a bomb-type mechanism that can also be used to seal holes in dykes (as in dams, not as in lesbians. That's another recipe.). Try to keep your homemade recipe inventions straight here, people.

When the rubber band idea didn't work I resorted to stealing the batteries out of the satellite remote control. And have added "batteries" to my grocery, list, innocently listed alongside the wholesome milk and unassuming dog food. So, for Layne's pleasure:

1) the first one occured Saturday in the morning, on the sly. Material thought of was an adventure I had with more than one person. I have just one word to say: university. Oh, and I thought of John Cusack. Like that needs to be said. Doesn't everyone think about him when they have a sparkly blue vibrator between their legs?

2) the second was in a drunken haze just before bed. Used a different toy and thought about the greatest lover I ever had. Amazing. Vaguely remember screaming "Stella!" and wandering through the house afterward.

Sorry-said lover's name was not Stella, and did not actually do that, I was just hoping to steal a little literary humor. Points to those who know where that comes from.

3) was in the middle of the night and I have only the vaguest recollection of doing this. A bit worrying, actually. I truly hope I can re-latch that part of my subconscious that made it ok for me to do this in the middle of the night. I can't imagine my partner unit responding well to me acting like a bucking bronco in bed while he is trying to sleep.

4) Sunday night, boozed up, I thought about the same thoughts that I had on the first round. And John Cusack.

5) was just a freebie, right on the heels of number 4. Not sure what I thought of, and not sure that it really matters anyway.

I wonder if this means I am a nympho.

I promise to try to stop posting so much material on me playing the one-eyed slot machine.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 12:20 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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