This weekend has been both very difficult and ridiculously easy.

Melissa arrived very late on Friday night due to a delayed plane, all rumpled hair and gentle snarl. The plane had largely been empty, but she had spent two weeks at camp and then hopped the last plane to England, so to say she was tired was an understatement.

She also was not interested in speaking to me.

I was bereft but acted like everything was ok.

Somehow, it worked.

Saturday afternoon we took a car trip down to his other brother's house, in Brighton. The entire family would be there (sans his father and stepmother, since they're about as close as my mother, father and stepmother) and again, the butterflies were settling in. I had printed out some pics of Mr. Y and his brothers and Mr. Y and Jeff, and put them in frames for Mr. Y's Mum. I don't really know that they were received with enthusiasm, but then again I've never given them gifts so have no idea how gifts are generally received anyway.

The house, owned by Mr. Y's brother Sam, his wife Jane and their daughter Jilly, was perched on a hill overlooking Brighton. It was a chaotic home of renovations ongoing, but you could tell that they really loved being there and owning it, that they were making a house into a home.

Mr. Y's Mum and Jeff arrived next, Jeff throwing himself into Mr. Y's arms before coming to tackle me. He then hung out with me the entire time, up until Mr. Y's other brother Adam showed up with his daughter, then I was the Velveteen Rabbit while Jeff and his cousin brought the house down.

But strangely Melissa, who by all accounts was surrounded by family she has known her whole life, started sticking closely by me. We made Shirley Temples. Played with cherry pits. Talked a lot. Suddenly I was ok and accepted, and I jsut acted low-key about it.

To say I was low-key inside though...well that's not true. It was like a fucking Fourth of July fireworks display going on inside.

Towards the end, Mr. Y's Mum wanted her 5 grandchildren together for a picture. Mr. Y and his brothers got their cameras out while Y's Mum posed them. Jilly, a sweetheart in every sense of the word, has these beautiful almond-shaped eyes, as Jane is actually from the Phillipines. Jilly is the half-Asian child I have always wanted to look like, creamy skin and stunning coloring. But she was not happy sitting there, and the tears started up.

Jane called out to her in Tagalog, and trying to be helpful, Mr. Y and his brothers picked it up, too. They called out to Jilly what Jane just said.

"Bopbop, Jilly! Bopbop!"

Jilly looked up, confused.

"Bopbop!" The men cried, flapping their arms. "Bopbop!"

Jilly gave up and started crying into her Lala teletubby. Jane was wheezing with laughter.

Turns out the men got it wrong.
As Jane then explained, tears of laughter in her eyes, bopbop has no meaning in Tagalog.

"Ah." said Adam. "Bopbop must be the infinitive."

We went home, and yesterday we trooped out to London for the day. It was a good day, a day that Melissa and Jeff said, in the end, was the best London visit of their life. In the London Eye, I helped Melissa find landmarks for the complimentary sticker book. Jeff's hand, when it couldn't find Mr. Y's, would head for me. At the Cyberworld 3D IMAX, Jeff and Melissa and I tried to look cool in our gargantuan 3D glasses, putting on posh accents, while Mr. Y tried to ignore us. We all talked and laughed a lot, and when we came home Jeff and I got spanked in Monopoly.

It's all still so fraught with emotion and tension, but for the first time, I have felt how nice it is to be a friend, to be ok. And I love the feeling, I think his kids are great kids, and I want them to always feel like they are welcome here, no matter what. Because they are.

No matter what.

In a quiet car ride to Brighton, Melissa absorbed in a DVD in the backseat (portable DVD players...babysitters of the future), Mr. Y and I talked.

He asked me about IVF in the UK.
I told him what I know.
He suggested we go ahead and put my name on the waiting list.

I wonder what's in the road ahead.

If you'll excuse me now-a waterpark and Shrek 2 have my name written all over it.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:00 AM | Comments (22) | Add Comment
Post contains 774 words, total size 4 kb.

1 My first thought was OMG OMG OMG ...but this is just great news. i am so glad the weekend went well and that's right, you just never know what might be on the road ahead

Posted by: nisi at July 19, 2004 09:08 AM (GB5/9)

2 It'll be Bacon and Egg 2...very exciting. It's a long road, as I sure you know. Fingers are already crossed.

Posted by: Simon at July 19, 2004 10:12 AM (GWTmv)

3 You're doing great with Jeff and Melissa from the sound of it The weekend sounds as if it had several different layers to it, but then again that's nothing strange. Be happy and stay safe

Posted by: croxie at July 19, 2004 10:53 AM (J9Gs5)

4 Put your name on the waiting list? Really? What wonderful news to start the week with. I'm thrilled for you and wish you the best of luck with it all. Also, nice going with the kids. I hoped they'd come around.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 19, 2004 11:16 AM (X3Lfs)

5 IVF? What does Intel Video Technology have to do with anything? Just funnin'. That's really wonderful news, Helen. Looks like Mr.Y is seeing how great you are with kids and it's waking up his new daddy jones. ;-)

Posted by: Jim at July 19, 2004 12:34 PM (IOwam)

6 To echo everyone else, that really is great news! Good Luck with all.

Posted by: Jadewolff at July 19, 2004 12:59 PM (tqQaS)

7 Not sure if u like when absolute strangers comment on ur personal blog. But I m really happy for you!! Looks like great things are going to happen soon. All the best!

Posted by: Jhanvi at July 19, 2004 01:13 PM (IvYGv)

8 It's all about the babysteps with other people's children, no matter what your relationship to their parent(s). Sounds like Mr Y. is taking babysteps too. You're doing great H !

Posted by: sasoozie at July 19, 2004 01:19 PM (H8Lg2)

9 Hi Helen, Just found your site. liked reading your candid entries (ooer). Anyway will be popping back for more updates. Take care - Rob x

Posted by: Robbie at July 19, 2004 02:44 PM (2hKEo)

10 It took a minute for IVF to sink in--that's great news! Sounds like Mr Y has rethought things. I'm glad this is something that you have worked out. The kids issue can be a dealbreaker in a relationship. Stepfamilies can be tricky. It takes a lot of love and patience. Just remember that there WILL be problems. There are ALWAYS problems. Stay the course and you'll be fine.

Posted by: Easy at July 19, 2004 03:00 PM (1YCns)

11 I don't like the idea of our kids spending more than half their lives in front of the television watching dvds...

Posted by: pylorns at July 19, 2004 03:01 PM (FTYER)

12 The Kids and Y will never cease to amaze you! Excellent news, little flame.

Posted by: Paul at July 19, 2004 03:28 PM (xdj7o)

13 wow, what a way to sneak that one in at the end, helen. i had to reread it to make sure i wasn't seeing things. i bet you just soared at that news. i hope that it works out the way you want it to. *hugs*

Posted by: becky at July 19, 2004 04:04 PM (Nfde1)

14 Congratulations Helen and Mr Y on the work in progress with Melissa and Jeff! And congratulations again on the decision to get on with the IVF!

Posted by: amelia at July 19, 2004 04:32 PM (hYnWv)

15 Sounds like you had a great weekend! Congrats and good luck with the IVF!

Posted by: justme at July 19, 2004 05:22 PM (kQ6Si)

16 I'm so happy to hear your weekend went well. And thrilled and excited and nervous for you as you consider getting your name on that list. Congratulations on a very nice set of baby steps. The wonderful thing about baby steps is that often we're so engrossed in taking them one at a time that we fail to turn around and see how far they've gotten us from where we started. Turn around and just look at that view! Isn't it amazing?

Posted by: Lisa at July 19, 2004 05:30 PM (Wu7QI)

17 How long is the waiting list?

Posted by: Drew at July 19, 2004 05:40 PM (CBlhQ)

18 No idea how long the wait is-I haven't begun to find IVF facilities in the area. Looks like some googling is in my future!

Posted by: Helen at July 19, 2004 07:11 PM (pS7+B)

19 Sounds like it went fantastic! It was inevitable Melissa would thaw out for you eventually. It's so funny you brought up IVF--somehow this weekend I wound up reading four different IVF/ART-themed blogs. I was stunned enough to learn what you went through with it, but some of the other stories out there are amazing as well . . . my hat is clean off to any woman who has the courage and the stamina to make the attempt(s). So know that my fingers will be totally perma-crossed for you and Mr. Y from the moment you set foot in the clinic, waiting lists be damned.

Posted by: ilyka at July 19, 2004 07:53 PM (EsRCK)

20 sounds like the kids are really warming up to you. Just keep this in mind: periodic aloofness on their part probably has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. It's easy to get wrapped up in it and panic: "What did I do???" But seriously, 99% of the time it has something to do with their life and they're not even considering you. Just keep that in mind as their affections ebb & flow.

Posted by: kalisah at July 20, 2004 04:47 AM (rU32B)

21 Being late to the party, it seems that all that is left for me is to jump on the congratulatory bandwagon. I'm happy to hear both about Mr. Y's kids and the IVF waiting list!

Posted by: Gudy at July 20, 2004 02:43 PM (33YyB)

22 *hugs* I know just how you feel, with those kids, trying to look like nothing is going on when inside you think you're about to burst with happiness! But even now, they still have the power to cut me down without even knowing they've done it. can I be an i-auntie?

Posted by: melanie at July 21, 2004 10:14 PM (jDC3U)

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