Yesterday I had to do the usual troop into London for an afternoon meeting (luckily, I am only averaging having to head into London about once a week now). The sky was dark and grey, the world looked overcast, the sky had been soaking with falling rain, but you know what? I'd had enough of it. I've had enough of the rain and the gloom and the darkness, of the fact that my flowerbed is roosting with moss and lichen and from time to time we see some of the plehtora of snails on one of the windowpanes.

I wore a lemon-sherbert yellow skirt, a perfect number with a tiny pleat down the front and a drop-waist bow across the hip.
A black cardigan with a black satin tank top underneath.
And seriously wobbly and perfect fuck-me-these-are-girl-shoes strappy heels.

And it made all the difference.

Clipping along on the bridge over the Thames from Waterloo, my iPod in hand and my high heels smartly smacking the pavement, I noticed it. Stares. A lot of them. Men checking me out, watching my legs as I swiveled up the pavement.

So I decided to see how many of them I could get to smile at me. I would look them right in the eyes as I approached, and I would smile. Half of them would smile back at me, but ironically the other half acted almost embarrassed at being caught checking out my goods, and looked away.

And you know...I started to sway my hips just a bit. Try to set one foot down in front of the other. I perfected the "looking up from under a curl" look. I got smiles and even a few waves from bus drivers, construction workers, nervous-looking businessmen. And I'm no beauty, I'm not stunning...I think it was simply down to the fact that I felt good, ergo I felt I looked good. And maybe self-confidence is the sexiest thing a chick can have (does anyone bottle the stuff? Really?)

But this was something for me. With Soft Cell's extended version "Tainted Love" thumping into my eardrums, I realized that although I hate the weather so much I could wipe out whole villages, although I am a bit depressed and not sure how to handle things...well, at least I still look great in some killer heels.

Tottering into the office in my fabulous shoes and girlie skirt, I felt the banshee kicking in, albeit a banshee with more edge, more spirit. This banshee, instead of just being angry, was sarcastic and not up for any shit. This banshee punched a hole right into me, taking out the dark and grey and filling me up with sass all the way down to my strappy shoes.

And it felt fantastic.

Sally, head of Project Mangement, came up to me.

"Helen," she asks, walking behind me in the way that I hate, where people are standing behind you and able to see everything on your computer screen.
"Oh hi, Sally." I reply, trying to muster a smile. "I didn't know you were here."
"I just got here." she replied, shaking her hair out.
"Ah. Usually I know you're here as you're preceeded by your flying monkeys."
"What?"
"What?"
"What?"

And so it went. Sarcastic Cow banshee was out, and she was briliant.

Pat, another thorn in my side, sent me a stroppy email. I replied with blinding sarcasm but answered the questions that were put to me. Pete, a guy in our group who was cc:ed on the mail, came running up to me.

"That was brilliant!" he crowed. "What's on your mind?"
"Nothing, it's just every moment I spend having to deal with Pat is like having a Cesaerean section! I just want to tell him that I solved my action points, case closed, he can suck my rubber monkey butt."

Pete blinked, unused as he was to being around me when I take nouns and adjectives and twist them to my own evil devices, and then started laughing.

At the end of the day, I strode out of the building to a humid steambath. London had been drenched in a mid-afternoon downpour, and I stepped out onto the pavement, a soggy forgotten cigarette butt splitting beneath the toe of my strappy shoe. The air was thick with rain, and I felt it reach into my hair like a fistful and turn my hair into curls within minutes. I was glad the rain was finished, I needed the 20 minute walk to Waterloo, and I popped my iPod back in my ears again and clip-clopped my way to the station.

After arriving at my home station, I get off the train and see a familiar grinning face, my man decked out in a red striped shirt and grey shorts. I emerge out of the throng of departing passengers and head straight for him, and when I reach him he picks me up and twirls me around while I rain kisses on his face.

"Hi! Did you know I got lots of looks today? How does it feel to know that you have a cute girlfriend?" I ask, looking down onto his lovely mug.
"I already knew that one." he replies, and kissing me he puts me down and takes me home, to a house smelling of baked potatoes and lemonade, a house that would be wifi-working by the end of the evening, prompting a celebratory glass of wine and a good shag before bed.

The shoes are off now, my feet are up, and they aren't in any pain at all from being strapped into heels. And I tell you-I see the heels coming out again sometime in the very near future.

-H.

PS-Happy birthday to Tiffani and happy early birthday to Kat!
PPS-Wish me luck-Melissa is arriving tonight and Jeff is back with us tomorrow...after a barbecue with Mr. Y's family...

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:04 AM | Comments (22) | Add Comment
Post contains 1004 words, total size 5 kb.

1 thanks for the early b-day wishes darlin. i'm too excited for words about my trip. gotta leave in a half hour for the airport. i'll be in london briefly this evening and i'll be thinkin of you! your outfit sounds kick-ass. i'm glad it inspired you to feel your power. you go, you sexy goddess you! much luck with melissa this weekend. you'll do wonderfully, i'm sure of it. xoxoxo

Posted by: kat at July 16, 2004 10:27 AM (FhSIP)

2 Cheers, Helen. I hope you have a great weekend. Sounds like you're off to an excellent start. By the way, I am thrilled to be able to replace Ms. Lauper from yesterday with Tainted Love.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 16, 2004 11:14 AM (X3Lfs)

3 Beauty comes from the inside, no question about that. Inner security can be both attractive and scarey at the same time...especially in a woman

Posted by: croxie at July 16, 2004 12:03 PM (wuNjK)

4 By the way, Helen, I was waiting for my train this morning, some time after I had written my earlier comment, and I found myself just sort of chuckling about your "rubber monkey butt" comment. Good one!

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 16, 2004 01:06 PM (LlPKh)

5 You rock, little flame!

Posted by: Paul at July 16, 2004 01:53 PM (xdj7o)

6 Thanks H for remembering my birthday. Ugh 34 years old today. I want to cry. When look and feel good about yourself..it draws looks from men like a magnet. Confidence is key...

Posted by: Tiffani at July 16, 2004 02:05 PM (xpNFK)

7 Yes, I know that cute feeling...it is indeed a mind-altering situation.

Posted by: Marie at July 16, 2004 02:51 PM (PQxWr)

8 What is it about shoes? They really do make all the difference!

Posted by: Lily at July 16, 2004 03:09 PM (PuHU/)

9 Wow, haven't checked in here for awhile. Your blog looks grand, dear H, and it sounds like you were quite foxin' too. Bravo. And the little flame nickname? A pretty thing indeed indeed. xo

Posted by: Meg at July 16, 2004 03:19 PM (GB5/9)

10 ahhh, yes. Now you see why I wear heels every day. They're truly magical.

Posted by: kalisah at July 16, 2004 03:48 PM (xT4wZ)

11 And maybe self-confidence is the sexiest thing a chick can have Abso-freakin-lutely. Guys too. Take two average looking women, one thinks she is too fat and the other knows she is voluptuous. The confident gal will score 3 or more points higher on the 1 to 10 scale. But if it gets a bit too far past confident it will once again cost points on the scale. That guy who'd drop dead gorgeous but "thinks he's all that" loses out to the handsome guy with the personable smile.

Posted by: Jim at July 16, 2004 03:52 PM (IOwam)

12 Hi Helen Have read so many of your posts and said out loud 'Yes, thats what I mean'. But today you just capped it all ....... my all time favourite music, Soft Cell: Tainted Love (the extended mix). Have a great weekend!

Posted by: Mia at July 16, 2004 05:27 PM (hHa99)

13 It's women like you that have almost caused me to wreck my car, or step into traffic more times than I can count. Thank you!! I just LOVE the summer... ;-)

Posted by: Easy at July 16, 2004 06:49 PM (Vfn3E)

14 Oh yes, confidence is definitely the sexiest thing. The more confident I am, the more $$$ I make. :-)

Posted by: ember at July 16, 2004 06:55 PM (kLa46)

15 We were just talking about this in bed this morning! Dan says it's confidence, more than anything else. Confidence will make a man look twice, or three times. Or more! Shuffling along does not. I never look at them looking, though; I pretend I don't notice. Brave you. I love strappies. They *do* do the trick, don't they?

Posted by: Amber at July 17, 2004 01:47 AM (zQE5D)

16 i just got three words: Go girl, go...

Posted by: Lucidly Awake at July 17, 2004 11:12 AM (q2YJt)

17 I'm blogmazing around and came to you. This post made me laugh outloud. That is talent.. Loved it

Posted by: rachel at July 17, 2004 06:07 PM (cB9WF)

18 who said you weren't stunning?!?!?!?!? are you crazy, girl???

Posted by: mitzi at July 18, 2004 04:00 AM (91V1E)

19 nice blog... best whises from The Netherlands...

Posted by: Laura at July 18, 2004 08:56 PM (P/NI/)

20 I think I'm in love with Sarcastic Cow banshee, and Helen - stunning doesn't even begin to describe you, darlin'.

Posted by: Sue at July 19, 2004 05:27 AM (AaBEz)

21 Oh, darling. . .I wish I could bottle up those Confidence Days and sprinkle them around a bit when I feel blue and fat and ugly and. . .well, you know. Strappy sandals do it for me; the same with pretty lingerie. When you feel good, you exuuuude something special. Some would say "sex," some would say "confidence." I say sexy confidence! I'm sooo glad to see this post. My face and my heart are smiling for you, with you. Go Helen, GO!

Posted by: Emma at July 19, 2004 07:00 AM (NOZuy)

22 Fuck me shoes always get looks. And what kind of man wouldn't smile back...even if they don't admit it, all men harbour the "she smiled at me then we ducked down the alley and fucked like rabbits before waving goodbye and never seeing each other again" fantasy. At least I think they do. Ummm....that's what a friend told me.

Posted by: Simon at July 19, 2004 08:01 AM (UKqGy)

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