All of a sudden, it's summer. Overnight. I swear I woke up a few mornings ago, bouncing out of the tall and comforting bed, leaving the sleeping fuzzy nude figure of a lovely man curled up in the middle of it and opened the window.

I was blinded by the sunlight.

Fantastic.

So it's with a slightly more chipper heart that I sit with the windows and doors to the house open. I wear boxer shorts in the garden and think of lovely cold pasta dishes to feed us on. And above all, I worship the sunlight and adjust my hems to suit it.

I had to go to London yesterday for meetings, so I did what any self-respecting businesswoman would do on a day when the temperature would reach the 80's in a London transport system with no air conditioning. I reached into the inner confines of myself and explored my levels of comfort and professionalism. Then I went to my closet to determine the best way to satisfy my desire to be taken seriously at work and my strive to enjoy my life.

And I wore the shortest fucking kilt that I have in my closet.
And strappy shoes.
With a very tasteful sleeveless top.

And man, I felt glamorous and young. My skirt, a lovely pleated number that covered to the middle of my thigh, looked very nice, not quite too short, and it made me feel so...young. Attractive. Nicely turned out. And...it has to be said...I think I have a great pair of long legs.

So with an appreciative comment from Mr. Y, I was off to the Big Smoke. He dropped me off at the train station and I read my latest Augusten Burrows book silently and happily the entire ride. Once there, I did what I prefer to do when the weather is decent and I walked the 20 minute walk from Waterloo to my office.

Walking on my way to the office from the train, I started wondering about a normal life. Mr. Y and I had had a conversation about that a few weeks ago, when he felt I wasn't very settled. The truth is, I wondered about when we would have a normal life.

So what is a normal life? Well...I don't really know, only it can't be as pipeline crazy as my life has been so far. This simply can't be what a real, normal life is. If normal life is like that, why is it so damn exhausting?

Normal life (to me), is the stuff that blogs and movies are made of. Dropping off kids to ballet and football practice. Racing around the kitchen trying to get the bologna sandwich crusts cut off in time to whack them in a plastic ziploc bag decorated with cartoon animals and into a hardtop Lizzie McGuire lunchbox. Sitting on the bed wearing my glasses and reading a good book while Mr. Y reads about his airplanes. Changing the door decoration on the front door to reflect the change of the seasons and holidays-a gruesome and overly cute Jack-O-Lantern puffy sculpture replaced by a repugnantly sweet looking Santa Clause. Going on holiday and packing twice as much stuff as you need. Getting cards that include the both of us and consider us a unit.

Don't get me wrong-I'm not at all complainging about our champagne Fridays, the spur-of-the-moment weekends to Paris or Venice. Heading to the bed on a Sunday afternoon for a three hour romp, or a picnic in the sun that includes a little oral pleausre with the camembert. I love all of those things, too. I don't want to give them up.

My whole life has been a wild roller coaster, tipping extremely at times and leaving me nervous as I sit alone in my roller coaster car, a yellow hard plastic number that is melted with handprints and a few crusty french frieds, my seat belt frayed along the edges, leaving me to think it's only a matter of time until I get cast out to my death at the next crazy curve. I grew up an Air Force child, which meant moving every two to four years. More so, I grew up in a turbulent household, so that meant moving at the drop of an unkind word. I've been married twice and have been mental for twice as long. I've been all over the world and never figured out where home is. I've left little parts of me like crumbs all over the place, and I am no longer able to follow where I left them.

These days, work has slowed down due to the summer months. I go into the office once a week. I answer mails, I partake in a few conference calls. Since I work from home those days, I do all of this in my boxer shorts and enjoy the background noise of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 7" and "Charmed" (I admit it. I watch it. I think Prue is a skanky ho and Piper has a fucked-up eyebrow, but I admit I watch the show). I come flying down the stairs and launch myself at Mr. Y when he comes home. I clean the house. I think about Alice.

At the same time, sometimes it all feels so temporary. We are renting this house and have filled it with inexpensive furniture we have little allegiance to-our exes got our couches, dressers, and TV stands, so we needed a quick IKEA fix. His divorce is final next month and mine just was. We want to buy a house, but we have the issue of settlements and where we want to live. My family isn't speaking to me, and his is only just doing so. We're still learning how to fit our feet into the boots of step-parenting, being away from the kids, learning how the other person takes up some of our breathing space, and how to handle each other's anger. Maybe soon he won't need to talk me down from the ledge when he loses his temper, and maybe soon he'll feel secure in how I feel about him to not stress sometimes.

Maybe, just maybe, this is a normal life. Maybe life really is so up and down, perhaps what you don't know about the normal lives you read about in blogs and see on tv is that after the normal hubby and wife go to bed, they get out their PVC gear and have a good spanking session. Maybe the husband goes to work and is a stunning asshole. Maybe the mother-in-law makes cutting comments to the wife at Thanksgiving dinners, comments that send the wife running for the cooking sherry in the pantry to calm her nerves. Maybe all that's normal life, too.

Kim used to tell me that I have a knack for crisis and chaos in life, that everything around me is always going 100 mph. I used to believe him, as I would look at the train wrecks that I would create around me and inevitably think: Why does my life always have to have a liberal sprinkling of crazy on it? Perhaps the truth is, I just needed the right person next to me to let me know that the crisis and chaos in my life is normal and manageable, if only I have a little help.

I think about this as I take the tube to Habitat, where I go to pick up some lighting fixtures Mr. Y wants (I love that he pays so close attention to our lights). As I swing out of the tube car, thinking about normal life, a man standing in the tube by the door checks out my little skirt. He sticks his head out of the car to check me out from behind, and is startled to bits when he gets smacked in the back of the head by the closing door.

I laugh my ass off as he rubs the back of his head, the tube car launching into the tunnel.

I hurry home and tell Mr. Y about it, and then sitting down next to him on the couch I take his shorts off and provide him with an extra dose of oral pleasure.

Maybe this is a normal life, for an abnormal girl.

If that's the case, then I will take it, with a few tweaks and additions over time. And I'll keep the champagne Fridays, thanks.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:22 AM | Comments (29) | Add Comment
Post contains 1420 words, total size 7 kb.

1 Honey? "Normal" is a setting on my dryer. You're doing FINE. Hell, *I* need a champagne Friday, damnit. )

Posted by: Emma at July 29, 2004 09:27 AM (NOZuy)

2 Emma's right: it's the "normal" ones you've gotta worry about. Remind me to never sit on your couch.

Posted by: Simon at July 29, 2004 09:34 AM (OyeEA)

3 One of things I like about my dad is that there was always an open bottle of champagne in the house. Why wait for Friday? It makes Tuesday special, too. As for normal lives, I probably lead a pretty normal life -- married to high school sweet heart; live in house in suburbs of NYC w/ 2 kids; have great relationship with parents; and etc. And you know what? I'm exhausted ALL the time, too. I don't think normal means rested. Not even close. p.s. I'm sitting with Simon.

Posted by: Random Penseur at July 29, 2004 11:12 AM (X3Lfs)

4 Emma-my hair dryer just has "high" and "low", which I always thought was a good way to indicate my mood... Simon and RP-what's the problem? It's not like I left a mess there or anything (remember-what's the difference between like and love? Well....um...I LOVE Mr. Y...)

Posted by: Helen at July 29, 2004 11:17 AM (pS7+B)

5 "Normal" is what most people are trying to or want to get away from. I think that "normal" is one of those things we have in our luggage from home. That's pretty much the standards that our parents serve us (whatever they think is normal) and then life make a choice for us what to keep and what to ditch. "Normal" can be terribly boring, but it can also have a soothing effect since we know what to expect and how to handle it. Rollercoasters can be "normal" too, if that's how life always been. And I have to agree with Helen about the hairdryer....mine has "high" and "low" as well. "High" is what I use the most since it match my lack of patience

Posted by: croxie at July 29, 2004 11:33 AM (s153F)

6 'Normal' is a state of mind, just like 'beautiful'. You've got the second one down pat, the first will come around.

Posted by: Jim at July 29, 2004 12:46 PM (IOwam)

7 Helen, that was very funny!!! I guess I'll sit wherever I can find a seat, then. I'll even bring the champagne!

Posted by: RP at July 29, 2004 12:48 PM (LlPKh)

8 "Normal" is a setting on my dryer. Emma, that's fantastic. I wish I'd said that! It sums it up so beautifully.

Posted by: Easy at July 29, 2004 01:19 PM (8J9Tj)

9 First off, I don't understand this whole "oral pleasuring" thing, I think you should talk about it more *snicker* Its funny, I think about half the world is out hunting for a more normal life, and the other half is trying to find one less so. All of them wanting the same basic things, but I guess approaching from different angles maybe. As time goes by, it occurs to me that the longing for something different maybe be one of the best signs of "normal" out there

Posted by: Dane at July 29, 2004 01:25 PM (ncyv4)

10 CLOTHES DRYER not blow dryer! LOL! Most people equate normal with boring, but I've never found it to be. Normal is what you expect. And no matter how crazy things are, if you expect them, they are normal. I laughed hard at the guy who got smacked in the back of the head, that was hilarious. "Well, I got this lump on the back of my head while ogling this cute chick in a little skirt with strappy shoes". To his wife. Who gives him a lump on the front of his head!

Posted by: Donna at July 29, 2004 01:57 PM (qInxG)

11 Just about anything can become "normal" for an individual. I've heard of people daily driving 4 hours round trip to a job for years. It becomes normal for them but is still abnormal to the average person. It sounds as though you're targeting what's "normal" for an average person. To me an average, normal life could be depicted by a level line with periodic upward or downward spikes. The birth of a baby-an upward spike; the loss of a friend-a downward spike. But in general, a normal life is level with not so much drama. And I'd agree with what you said about people having their abnormal secrets...that everyone probably has something they do that's abnormal, odd, or downright weird...everyone except me of course

Posted by: Solomon at July 29, 2004 01:58 PM (k1sTy)

12 Clothes dryer. *smacking forehead and feeling stupid* CLOTHES DRYER. I've been away from the U.S. a little too long, perhaps.

Posted by: Helen at July 29, 2004 02:06 PM (pS7+B)

13 Helen, I have an idea....There is a new reality show on t.v. here. Called Trading Spouses. We could that. It's only for a week. That way you can have my normal and I can have your Friday Champagne. That way we can experience something we normally wouldn't. Come on you've seen my kids - they would love you! No? Ok? I gotta go scrub my floors.

Posted by: Tiffani at July 29, 2004 03:05 PM (xpNFK)

14 oops... I meant we could DO that. Sometimes I just shouldn't get up in the morning.

Posted by: Tiffani at July 29, 2004 03:06 PM (xpNFK)

15 Well....um...I LOVE Mr. Y... TMI But then again it does speak for the safety of the couch...

Posted by: Clancy at July 29, 2004 03:28 PM (EGVPL)

16 I once had a therapist who told me, "Don't compare your insides to other people's outsides."

Posted by: kalisah at July 29, 2004 03:42 PM (xT4wZ)

17 I cant help but to think that this desire for a child is driving you farther and farther away from happiness. I use to think that way about promotions at work. If only I was a supervisor...if only I had people to responsible for. In the end I got it but relized that I was so fixed on this goal that I had really lost sight of what was important and the chase was actually what was driving me not the catching of it. I hope I am wrong about the "chase" but I owe to you complete honesty about what I think I see and only want to see you happy in the end.

Posted by: Drew at July 29, 2004 06:02 PM (CBlhQ)

18 Um...my CLOTHES dryer actually have two settings only - high or low But yeah...I though Emma meant a hair dryer too :pp

Posted by: croxie at July 29, 2004 06:08 PM (s153F)

19 Your two descriptions of a normal life were so at extremes with each other. Do you think you'll ever achieve a synthesis of the two? I'd be hard pressed to envision it.

Posted by: bigdocmcd at July 29, 2004 06:47 PM (AkmDD)

20 Do you guys (the English) always specify CLOTHES dryer, or is there another name for it? Inquiring minds want to know.

Posted by: Solomon at July 29, 2004 06:48 PM (k1sTy)

21 Honestly, I have no idea if they're called dryers or otherwise here. We line dry our clothes (how fabulous to have line-dried clothes, they smell like sunlight, grasshoppers and pears. I love it).

Posted by: Helen at July 29, 2004 06:55 PM (pS7+B)

22 A synthesis of them? Hard to imagine. But yes-the child issue has me worn down badly.

Posted by: Helen at July 29, 2004 06:56 PM (pS7+B)

23 Wonderful, wodnerful... I feel like I just spent a few moment on a dizzying teacup ride. Thank you for a great post!

Posted by: Elizabeth at July 29, 2004 08:07 PM (tJZAo)

24 "But yes-the child issue has me worn down badly." Indeed. Hang in there.

Posted by: Lily at July 29, 2004 08:41 PM (PuHU/)

25 I wouldnt mind one of those after work oral pleasure bouts.. sounds like a good way to end the stressful day

Posted by: pylorns at July 29, 2004 09:57 PM (FTYER)

26 Here's to 'champagne Fridays'. The rest of life will fall into place. No sweat.

Posted by: Marie at July 30, 2004 02:09 AM (3Y1np)

27 Maybe soon he won't need to talk me down from the ledge when he loses his temper, and maybe soon he'll feel secure in how I feel about him to not stress sometimes. My ledge is shorter these days and Dan feels less freaked out when I screw up at communicating, but I don't think that will ever stop happening. Not for us, anyway. It's just who we are and we've learned to live with it. Now that we've let up on trying to fix it so hard, it got better kinda all by itself. :-)

Posted by: Amber at July 30, 2004 02:15 AM (zQE5D)

28 Oops! I guess my attempt at italicizing the quote from your blog didn't work. The top paragraph in my last comment were your words, Helen, that I was responding to. *cringe cringe* Damn, I hate screwing up!

Posted by: Amber at July 30, 2004 02:19 AM (zQE5D)

29 Hi, I think you left the comment in my journal. Thanks for commenting, if that was you! I really enjoy reading about your life in London, since I used to live in the UK.

Posted by: Arianne at July 30, 2004 07:34 AM (H5sJr)

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