The post was pulled yesterday because of the comments section.
In the comments section wasn't just a mean comment or an unkind word. There were two comments there from my mother and sister.
Disowning me.
In my family, you don't talk about the family to anyone but the family, it's part of why I don't really discuss them here. A flurry of angry mails and avoided phone calls later, and I am absolutely unsure of how to proceed. I do love them. I do miss them. But things are looking so rough right now that I think all of us are wondering how to act-do we cut the ties? Do we try again? Can a progressive book of mistakes and anger that has been compiled over a lifetime be forgotten, or is the Grudge Book just too full?
Apparently, "someone" has also graced my father's inbox with a copy of some of my posts, gutting him. And yes-I wrote a post about him. But my father never would've found my site if someone hadn't have forwarded it to him. And the fact that he was sent something from it is unforgivable. For the first time since I was 6 years old, our relationship was getting better. I missed him and looked forward to hearing from him. I can't face being robbed (by myself or by anyone else) of that again.
My mother has given me her word that she will never visit this site again. Honestly? I think that's a good idea. I would like to repair our relationship, but I know that's not really up to me. I'll only ever have one mother, and although our relationship is turbulent, I am not yet ready to hang my hat up on it. Mom, you piss me off and drive me crazy but you are my mother and I love and miss you very much. I've always been there for you, even if you think I don't understand.
For my sister-you have not given me your word that you will not visit here. In fact, in the past year you haven't given me anything other than swords to "protect" our mother. Stay off my site. And stay out of my life.
As was said in the comments yesterday, my blog was started for one massive reason-as my free therapy. I have all kinds of things in my head and heart that I am trying to work out. I make no secret of the fact that I have massive issues that I am dealing with-in fact, all my issues have been discussed on this site. My issues come from all kinds of places-my past. My behavior. My childhood. My adult life. Chemicals. I don't blame anyone for "making" me mental. There are factors in how I got here today, and yes-my family is a large part of that. But I take ownership of my problems. I have problems.
I'm not going to quit my blog. I can't quit it. In the late hours, in the dark, in my heart, I toss and turn and think about it and I know I simply don't want to-writing here has led to having a better attitude, a healthier mindset, and has helped me learn how to calm down, to listen, to laugh, to know that although I am a wee bit mental, I'm not a complete insurance write-off just yet. There is still hope for me.
This blog is not closed. It may be someday, and when that day comes I will close it and keep it that way-bungee-cord relationships are not my style. But for me, and how I feel now, that day is a long way away.
The whole point of this site is thus-these are my feelings. This is my life. The title "Everyday Stranger"? It means exactly that-I am a chick you can pass on the street and it will never change your life. I am like the millions of others out there, all anonymous people with heartbreak, hope, happiness and horror. A few people who read this site know my real name, but the point of it all, in the beginning, was I realized that we pass people by all the time without even giving them a second thought. If you passed me, I would be one of them.
My emotions, as I have said in the past, are written down on this site exactly as I feel them. Maybe they don't even always make sense, they certainly don't always make sense to me. The emotions-the good, the bad, the ecstatic and the horrific-they're all here. And I just can't quit that-it would mean returning to the person that I was, which was one part robot, one part vicious temper, and one part thousand-miles-an-hour self-destructive hurricane. And stuffing me into that person won't work. I don't fit in her anymore.
The fact of the matter is, I never really did.
It's part of why I broke.
For the few people that know me in real life, this blog may sometimes hurt. It sometimes hurts me when I read what I have written about myself and discover that I am not a very good person. If you read this site, then you enter it knowing that this is my brain dump. This is where my heart is.
I absolutely don't want to hurt people, and I am deeply sorry if people are hurt. Really, it has never been my intention to roast my family here, only to talk about what has me in knots that way it does. You can't leave your past behind, no matter how hard you try-it's part of the packaging that you carry with you.
So from here on, this site is run on the proviso that entering here is at your own risk. I will protect and guard this site since it is me. What I write here comes from my mind and my memories, and no matter what ugly color paint it is lacquered with, it is mine, and it is real.
I was thinking of the "burning down the house" analogy when it comes to feelings. I didn't go down the route of "phoenix from the ashes" or any other kind of mystical matephors designed to dazzle the everyday interior of the mind, but it does have me thinking like this: My whole life has been a series of walls and roadblocks, concrete structures which kept me in my own petting zoo, natural borders that keep the pain segregated from the nice people with the camers and the peanuts. And I've been tired for such a long time. Really, deep-down, bone tired of life, of my cage, and of all the sparkly accessories that life waved at me. When I started this blog I started to purge my mind. Last Fall, when I lost my job, I purged my possessions. In March, I ejected out of Life number 5.
Since January 2003 the house has been on a slow burn, but you betcha it's fucking burning down. And maybe the cheesy phoenix analogy works, because now I feel small parts of myself coming to life, the ugly puce paint chipping off as I am beginning to be real. I haven't stepped outside of myself for a while now, whereas once it was on a daily basis.
I'm sorry if this post seems a little disjointed. I haven't slept much, there've been floods of tears, a little bit of the ass bleed (Pop! Goes the Ul-cer!) but my nice man and I are going here this weekend (Monday is a bank holiday here in England)-we leave late this afternoon. And if you check the webcams, you may just see us-one of them is in front of our hotel.
I'll be back Monday afternoon.
Have a good weekend, and try not to get disowned. I don't recommend it. It doesn't feel nice at all.
-H.
1
It might not be easy, but it is at least as much your family's loss as yours.
And I certainly won't be disowning you any time soon. I absolutely promise. I think there's plenty of others here who would agree. So we can become something of a family instead - we sort of all already anyway.
I'd like to be the annoying but lovable brother, if I may.
Posted by: Simon at August 27, 2004 08:13 AM (OyeEA)
2
good to see you !
remember, time heals everything. I am not very good at managing personal relationships but one thing I do understand is that, sometimes people say things they dont really mean , or probably just say but deep inside dont want them to ever happen. I hope your mom thinks the same way!!
I am bloody hell sure she knows, that a daughter like you is a precious part of her.
Posted by: freewheel at August 27, 2004 08:18 AM (79vbc)
3
Going on my own family experiences I don't think time heals everything for all of us.
But hopefully you will be able to deal with things in ways that won't leave you rung out like a damp cloth.
Have a wonderful weekend.
And come back with lots of tales of frolics!
Posted by: Mia at August 27, 2004 09:11 AM (YZRvW)
4
::hugs::
Just do what you feel is right. We trust you.
Posted by: greywulf at August 27, 2004 09:55 AM (KqFVS)
Posted by: Gudy at August 27, 2004 09:59 AM (qHVkQ)
6
Well, you know I think you're family. I'm not disowning you. Besides, I was never one for that kind of overly dramatic -- you're dead to me now and I'm cutting you out of the will -- kind of gesture.
As for your father, give him some time. He may be hurt by what you wrote about your past together with him, but, so were you. Just maybe he'll understand that and, just maybe, you will be able to grow closer still.
Have fun this weekend!
Posted by: Random Penseur at August 27, 2004 10:55 AM (X3Lfs)
7
I've been reading your site for a long time. And I can't help but admire how much you've overcome. I use to sit there and worry about you. I use to leave your site with a heavy heart because I felt that you needed something you just weren't getting. Now, you make me laugh and smile on a daily basis. Life isn't easy as you know, and people are even harder to deal with. But it's a truly beautiful thing to watch you fall in love with yourself. And that's why you'll be just fine in the end.
Posted by: Jadewolff at August 27, 2004 01:02 PM (tqQaS)
8
Oh yes. No one can piss you off like family. I hope it all works out for you. Sorry it happened here.
Like Simon says (Boy was it fun typing THAT), you have a family here. The people who comment and read your blog are every bit as crazy as any family.
Two lunatic families. Lucky you!
*big hug*
~Easy
PS: My knee is doing much better. I'm only on one crutch now.
Posted by: Easy at August 27, 2004 01:19 PM (U89mk)
9
Damn, Simon already got "annoying but lovable brother". Maybe I'll take "understatedly sexy second cousin". Note that is
second cousin. >;-)
Posted by: Jim at August 27, 2004 01:30 PM (IOwam)
10
Good going girl! Hope you have a wonderful weekend!!!
Posted by: Mick at August 27, 2004 01:43 PM (VhRca)
11
not sure what to say, but i wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you. and i'm so happy that you're sticking around. have a glorious weekend. xoxoxo
Posted by: kat at August 27, 2004 01:55 PM (FhSIP)
12
Yup, Easy hit the nail on the head... no one can piss you off like family. No wonder it's not so simple for you to shrug this off.
The corollary is, because it's family, it'll all work itself out eventually. It may take a long time, but family, well... endures.
Your cyber-family loves and admires you, and it's a sure bet your real family does too. If there were no emotion there, no one would bother commenting. So although their intentions are a bit misguided, there are obviously true feelings there. Hold tight to that fact.
Have a great weekend!
Posted by: Camino at August 27, 2004 01:59 PM (P7YZ1)
13
Helen, did you ever meet a person that just stood out for some reason? They make think they're completely ordinary..completely average..but they're not. Far from it. They have this glow about them. Something that makes you look twice when you pass them on the street or be reluctant to hang up the phone when you talk to them. That person is you, Helen.
Posted by: Lindsay at August 27, 2004 02:09 PM (srIAp)
14
Helen-
I'm sorry to hear all that has gone wrong. It's a very hard thing to give up on your family or have them give up on you. I know it hurts, but you have a life of your own and as long as you live it the way you want. . . then you're doing right by someone! I wish you luck on this. There is no good advise, besides follow what is in your heart. Be true to yourself. I hope you enjoy this weekend and let your soul air out!
Posted by: Jessica at August 27, 2004 02:12 PM (4pFkr)
15
My mom's and sister's last words to each other were in anger, and for 25 years my mom has had to live with that. My sister died unexpectedly when she was 21.
Forgiveness is a glorious thing. I hope EVERYONE in your family can give and get it (sooner than later). Forgiving helps the forgiver as much (if not more) than the forgiven.
I don't want to be a family member; I want to be Waldorf (of Waldorf and Stadler from the Muppets
. Helen knows what I mean.
Posted by: Solomon at August 27, 2004 02:23 PM (t5Pi1)
16
If it was my comment yesterday that brought all this on, then I am deeply, truly, sorry, and will put my apology here for all to see, as I may have been too outspoken in your comment section yesterday.
BUT, I still stand by my statement that you can only do so much, you are not responsible for anyone else's wellbeing, you are not the great and powerful OZ, you cannot be all things to all people.
And their anger is proof that you were to be the whipping boy, the one that they could blame, and why? Because you've taken all the blame all your life, and now that you are finally realizing that you are not always to blame, it is not always your fault, well, damn, they might have to blame themselves huh?
You hold your head up, you ARE a good person, just doing the best you can. And if the best you can do is what you are doing, how can they ask for anything more?
Listen to all the people who comment here who care about you. THEY are the real voices of sanity in your life right now.
But again, if I was the one who caused your mom and sister to come out of the closet, I am sorry, but I can't help but think maybe it was just because the truth hurt.......
Posted by: Donna at August 27, 2004 02:37 PM (AJiUE)
17
And just so you'll know, I have been disowned oh, four or five times now. And after a little while they come around, but they do treat me with respect because I won't let them treat me otherwise. I will not accept any of their guilt, nor will I let them abuse, take advantage of me, or scream at me. It took awhile, but I am not the whipping boy anymore, and it was harder on them than me, I just stood up for myself, they had to change the way they thought of me.
And we are all the better for it. As your family will be. The most important part is to not hold a grudge. Holding a grudge is like injecting yourself with poison and waiting for the other person to die. They'll come around, trust me on this. You just have to take a firm stance, and stay there.
Posted by: Donna at August 27, 2004 02:44 PM (AJiUE)
18
I'm happy you chose to keep writing. Just know that we love you very much and I would be honored to have you as a family member.
I'll be your big sister and best friend. I never had one of those. You know....the kind that share secrets, go and get our nails done. Have drinks.
Posted by: Tiffani at August 27, 2004 02:47 PM (xpNFK)
19
Glad to hear that you are back, but sorry to hear about your issues with the family. I think that parents (and sibilings) should give you the spave that you deserve. Besides, if keeping a journal helps cut down on the shrink bills, then why not?
Posted by: Irene at August 27, 2004 02:48 PM (ng6iH)
20
I'm glad I didn't see the 'almost quit posting post' until this morning. I would have freaked.
It's unfortunate that we cannot pick our families. I got LUCKY in that dept, but I've been around long enough to see many who were just as unfortunate as I was fortunate.
Give your Dad time. He is probably at an age where he too is reflecting upon his life. I am sure that there is some measure of guilt over how he has conducted himself or perhaps he wishes there were just things he could have done differently. Our parents are human.
Posted by: Boudicca at August 27, 2004 03:06 PM (/bSig)
21
Yep Donna, I've even been relegated to hell. And I got quiet and did not associate until they figured that they have to be nicer. There is still strain there. One of the most bothersome aspects of it to me was knowing about all the 'great' people they admire and look up to. All the while I knew their 'heroes' aren't greater or of better quality than me which over time proved itself but has never been fully acknowledged.
'course I didn't have a highly public personal journal for all to read and comment on:-) I wouldn't have the nerve nor would it be as good a read as Helen's.
Posted by: Roger at August 27, 2004 03:07 PM (8S2fE)
22
Oh, I'm sorry about the family getting peeved. You know, maybe they'll get over it (then again maybe they won't , I don't know your family). I think a lot of us use our blogs as free (or cheap) therapy. It's like having a diary that exposes who we are and getting feedback on it from people who *gasp* actually understand where we are coming from, or don't but accept us anyway. That's what's great about blogging. The accepatance, feeling like you are part of a family.
And you are. We'd miss you if you were gone.
Posted by: Amy at August 27, 2004 03:20 PM (c0cAq)
23
Boy, get here a little late, and all of a sudden, all the good family members are taken: annoying but lovable brother (Simon); understatedly sexy second cousin (Jim), a couple of sisters (I don't qualify). I guess I could be the wiser older brother who you lean on sometimes. I'm not going to fight Jim and Simon for your affections (I doubt Leslie would approve), but I'll be there when you need me. Yeah, I could get into that.
We all have two families in life: the one we're born with, and the one we choose. From your comments section, you've chosen well.
Posted by: Jiminy at August 27, 2004 03:27 PM (F2N1M)
24
*much safe hugs* Family relationships suck. I know there is a ton of hope for you and you are an awesome person. You have to do what is best for you - living for other people's expectations and issues can't work. I'm sorry you are in pain right now, I hope you feel some easing soon. *hugs*
Posted by: Onyx at August 27, 2004 03:35 PM (G3591)
25
Few things, Sis.
You said this: "It sometimes hurts me when I read what I have written about myself and discover that I am not a very good person."
It's not true. Because if you were not a good person, you wouldn't think twice about what you've written, done, thought, or anything else. You DO think about it, and you DO feel remorse over it. This takes you out of the category of "Not A Good Person" and puts you into the category of "Good Person Who Sometimes Fucks Up." That category is also known as "Human." Welcome to the club, we're very glad to have you.
So far as the house-burning.... Well, that was a blog metaphor. Don't burn down the terraced flat. Cos I believe you're renting it and that would really piss the owners off. (And even if you bought it, I'm sure burning it down would piss the owners off.) :-) I meant in terms of blogs. Sometimes, you just have to get away from everything that is tied to one particular space. Burn it down. Start fresh somewhere else where that baggage isn't following you on a trolley attached to your ankle.
And honestly, when you do that, you're not even really getting rid of the past, so much as you're ridding yourself of the expectations people have built up because of it. Moving into a new home (proverbial-blog-home here) brings a sense of freedom. You know your history at your other place, but you get to start fresh. That history isn't archived and searchable on the new place that you're writing. I know you know all this already. But there it is.
Big mega love to you (and a few pigtail pulls), and very soon, you'll be in possession of entertainment and a little something to keep you smiling. xxx
Posted by: Ms. Pants at August 27, 2004 03:35 PM (oa04D)
26
Oh. And get pissed out your face tonight. That's an order.
Posted by: Ms. Pants at August 27, 2004 03:36 PM (oa04D)
27
I don't know that i've ever posted here but i've been lurking for a long while now. (Can't even remember how i got here.)
I just wanted to say thank you for your writing, your honesty, your openness - it helps me be open and honest with myself, especially when I recognize myself in what you write. We're all praying for you and your family - that time will heal...
Posted by: martha at August 27, 2004 03:41 PM (5HJ2h)
28
What a serious bummer to have to deal with. Its one thing when a troll tries to set up shop and pester the comments or whatever. But having your family react so strongly and so decisively against you because of it is sad.
I make a point of prefacing those posts that I don't want my mom to read and I know she doesn't. But part of the fun of my blog is posting new pics of her newest grandson and grandpup!
If you become fully disowned then let me know, I'd be happy to "own" (in the good supportive way, not the slave trade way) you.
You're good people, Helen. I like you and its not just your smile or perfect boobs.
Posted by: Johnny Huh? at August 27, 2004 04:09 PM (053F0)
Posted by: Kyle at August 27, 2004 04:21 PM (blNMI)
30
I can think of a plethora of cheesy things to say about family. Up to and including there is truth in the adage, "You always hurt the ones you love."
I hope you take heart in the fact that family takes a myriad of forms these days; you should not hesitate one second to count all of these supportive, thoughtful, and lovely people who visit you every day among your own.
Posted by: Jennifer at August 27, 2004 04:49 PM (N+5K8)
31
I was trying to think of something profound to say but all I came up with was "Fuck 'em if they can't handle it"
So, there it is then...fuck 'em.
You can join my little family of freaks anytime.
Posted by: Lily at August 27, 2004 04:53 PM (PuHU/)
32
I'd just like to second what Jadewolff said more eloquently than I would have done.
And what Ms Pants mentioned about getting pissed out of your face tonight!
Have a great weekend in Jersey.
Posted by: Gareth at August 27, 2004 05:06 PM (JVSGz)
33
I am sorry this happened to you. Keep your chin up. This too shall pass.
I found you through Mick's Mixbag of Musings.
Posted by: Fish at August 27, 2004 06:20 PM (2k96y)
34
The mother in me wants to hug you. The friend in me wants to brush your hair and tell you everything will be okay, and the stranger in me wants to say, "I know I'm not your mother or friend but if you find yourself needing a friendly place to land, don't hesitate to contact me."
This is tough stuff Helen, but one thing I know without a doubt is.. you're tougher!
Enjoy your weekend!
Posted by: KJB at August 27, 2004 06:23 PM (pya+6)
35
Glad you'll be staying with us for a while longer.
Believe it or not, YOU are therapy for some of us not brave enough to live as such...
We love you Helen.
Posted by: Rebecca at August 27, 2004 06:29 PM (ZHfdF)
36
I feel the same as Rebeca.
Posted by: justme at August 27, 2004 07:33 PM (4PaUm)
37
I'm with Jiminy on this one. I'll take you and your quirkiness each and every day. If Ms. Pants is on your side - as well as all of us who choose to comment here - you're doing just fine. Hang on to us, love the fur off of Mr. Y, and know you would just have to reach out and more than one person on this list would be there. Never doubt that.
Have a great weekend!
Posted by: Suzanne at August 27, 2004 08:22 PM (1HaWw)
38
I missed a lot I see and am a little confused as to who is who in these comments anymore. What I will say though is, being disowned isn't all that bad after awhile. You can always find yourself a new family. Who says it has to be blood relatives?
Regardless, you hurt and that sucks. I hope your weekend fairs better and I hope that you continue to write whatever the hell you want to write.
Posted by: Serenity at August 28, 2004 12:59 AM (xdd6k)
39
I was glad to see you didn't fold your tent and leave. Hope you have a few moments of transcendant happiness soon. Maybe you'll even have a few moments of everyday -how in the h*** did I end up smiling and free- happiness soon. Have a wonderful time on your getaway and may you be hangover free. ~Way
Posted by: Way at August 28, 2004 01:59 PM (K7jHt)
40
There is nothing I can say to make things seam better. I am thinking of you and hope with time things will get better. I can relate ...really I can when my family doesn't like my words or how I live my life they tell me they tell me they wish I was dead. Seriously, I do hope, time will heal the wounds.
Posted by: shelli at August 28, 2004 02:54 PM (y1MeG)
41
You're so smart, and have already figured something really important out, and you did it despite being asked to carry the baggage. You don't fit in that person (and in fact, never did). Yay for you!
Being disowned feels like the ultimate love rejection -- how can people you've known your entire life treat you this way? Well, perhaps they can treat you this way because they are trying to control you in the only way they know how -- through manipulation and rejection. Something about Helen has them steamed, and they want the OLD Helen back, dammit.
But guess what? She never was you, and you don't fit in her anymore. Good for you, Helen. Good for you.
Yes, it hurts. But they are hurting too. They can't understand how you have grown enough so that you don't have to rely on them to define whether or not you are lovable. Ask anyone -- when you take away someone's power, they get pissed. They see your power. They see you being loved, and being lovable. They see you loving yourself. Oh, the horror!
They will get used to the idea that you are going to continue down this path, with or without their support. Hell, they might even (eventually) applaud your hard work. Mine did. It only took about twenty years or so. Even now, they begrudingly admit that I must be doing something right, seeing as how I'm still breathing.
You are still breathing, Helen.
You are doing everything just right. Don't let them fool you into thinking otherwise. Who do you love more? The old Helen, or today's version? Yeah, I thought so.
You are lovable.
Controllable? No.
Lovable? Yes.
Very much so.
Posted by: ntexas99 at August 28, 2004 04:44 PM (9U4so)
42
Hope you're still checking comments, Helen, as I think I'm #43.
Your family reminds me of my family when I left my husband 7 or 8 years ago now. I separated from my ex, started dating Dan, started going to Al-Anon meetings and growing spiritually.
You would think my family would have been happy I was growing and becoming more content, better adjusted. Instead they responded rather hostilely. Nobody disowned me, exactly, but there was quite a lot of anger towards me.
Why? Because I had *changed*. They didn't like the New Amber. They didn't like it that I was now standing up for myself. Telling them when to back off. Speaking the truth about family "secrets".
I was no longer doing the Dance, playing the Game, put-yer-cliched description-right-chere.
I had matured. You'd think everyone would have cheered for me, because they loved me, right? But most of them didn't cheer. They got angry.
Some of my loved ones got over their snit and learned to live with the new me, some didn't.
I know that when Dan met my siblings and their families, he was appalled at how much I was a target of thinly veiled derogatory comments, judgements and outright derison. Maybe because I'm the youngest. Maybe that doesn't matter. Dunno. Anyway, Dan helped put a stop to all that once he and I started showing up at family functions together. He jumped on any family member who said anything dismissive about me whatsoever by saying, "Do not talk to my wife that way."
He would just keep repeating that until they backed off.
Helped a LOT! I was so used to battling on my own and being completely outnumbered, it was wonderful to have someone on my side. My ex used to jumped in and join the whole Let's Beat Up Amber Party, so I was thrilled when Dan started pitching in to help me.
Anyway, I just wanted to share and let you know that...I've been there. Stay yourself. Keep doing what you're doing. There is nothing wrong with speaking *your* truth. Nothing wrong with the direction you're heading.
If others don't like it, tough. That's not your problem; it's *theirs*.
Posted by: Amber at August 28, 2004 08:21 PM (zQE5D)
43
"There is nothing wrong with speaking *your* truth."
I think that is, by far, the absolute best piece of advice I've seen here or anywhere else in a long time, if not ever!
Posted by: Serenity at August 29, 2004 03:55 AM (xdd6k)
44
Helen- Darling, wonderful Helen,
Good Hevens. I spend a week on the beach to find slings and arrows have darkened the virtual sky.
Your truth is yours. Their truth is theirs. Neither should be censored or altered to make it "fit" in to some comfortable niche.
This is your place to be yourself, and the blogisphere is better for your voice - your pain, honesty, raw words, gentle hope, love, laughter, and dancing joy combine to make your site a place where many can gather to relate and identify. Become more of a world family and less alone.
It is a terrible shame that your family of birth is alienated by EverydayStranger. They are not comforted by their anonymity here, or your willingness to work through your pain to build bridges.
Please, please don't let their alienation drive you away. This site - YOU - are an important piece of the blogisphere.
And to me.
Next time, you and Mr. Y need to join us on the beach. No connectivity. And only the blood relatives that will flip the steak and fetch a cold glass of a nice chardonnay.
Posted by: Elizabeth at August 29, 2004 05:20 PM (YCUSR)
45
I'm so sorry I've been away with my stupid ol' computer problems.
I second every sentiment here already. I *know* that you are not the type to ever intentionally hurt someone -- and surely your family knows this about you, too?
A trite cliche of a little bon mot is "This too, shall pass" is oh so true in situations such as these.
But stand firm, darling. You have every right to write what is in your heart.
If you need me, you know where to find me. I prescribe at least a dozen hugs and kisses to help this hurt you've felt. Yes, I know you're feeling better, now, but extra hugs in the bank never hurt anyone.
Love,
Em
Posted by: Emma at August 30, 2004 09:50 AM (MAdsZ)
46
you go, girl!
California-cliche aside, I admire your courage and honesty and humor. You are right -- it's your blog, it's your life. You own your mistakes (and your successes!), you deserve the support and faith of those closest to you.
Good luck.
LD
Posted by: lyn at September 07, 2004 11:09 PM (EUyu0)
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