I'm getting pretty good at finding places with Internet connections. Next week, I will be able to order my connection, but right now I am...ready for this?...sans pc AND sans laptop AND sans Internet connection.
It's like the end of the world.
Things are still going so well. Yesterday I trooped into London again, for another full day of meetings. Today I got back into my said rented Fiat and hauled my ass up the M25 to a town called Brentwood. I'm getting pretty good at this traffic business!
This weekend is rapidly approaching. I plan on totally taking Oda Mae's advice in the previous post's comments and being extremely polite, kind, and apologetic for all the heartache. I have picked out a "classy but shapely" outfit, but find I am getting more and more stressed up about the meeting. It will be Mr. Y's brother's major birthday bash, with all of their friends and family there.
And my reputation is preceeding me.
Mr. Y decided he should call his closest friends this week and present the info-he hadn't told them that they had split yet. He is bracing his family for it tonight. He rang up his three closest friends and dropped the bomb.
His relationship of nearly 18 years was over.
He was seeing someone new.
She is much younger.
But one of his friends had already heard about me. His reply: Oh, is this the one that caused all the trouble?
Mr. Y's reply: Something like that.
Great.
I am feeling even more nervous than ever before. I don't have any of this common history (how many people are still friends with people that they began grade school with? I can't even remember their names, let alone call them friends). I am the home wrecker. I am the one who came in and caused the problems.
And I absolutely hate taking all of the blame.
I told Mr. Y in bed about how stressed I felt about all of this, how much I fucking hate being the one who "caused all the problems". He hugged me fiercely and told me that he was partially to blame for all of this too.
Weird-no one seems to be commenting on that aspect.
"How does it feel to officially love me?" I asked him, hope waiting for his answer.
"I've always officially loved you." he replied, smiling and kissing me.
He held me tightly and kissed me hard for what seemed like hours, trying to ease the ache out of my brow, my heart, my worries. We made love slowly and easily, side by side on the bed, heating up the little room and the sheets with aborted movement. When we reached the point of orgasm, he pulled out and I felt the hot liquid on my back, covering me in the warm retribution of our actions. He hauled me against him, and we fell asleep like that, stuck together with the glue of our session and the warm scent on sex in the air.
I hope he will stick to me like that on Saturday night, too.
But perhaps in a less phlegmatic way, that is.
-H.
PS-am still not able to get to email and other pages, but will do hopefully tonight!
PPS-Miguel, I hope you and yours are ok today.
1
Helen, it is always easy to blame a strager for mutual actions. I am sure it will take more than ne weekend, but when they get to know (the completely wnderful) you, hopefully you will find they will melllow into a more understanding stance.
I guess they feel they all had something invested in Mr Y's marriage too, like you said, a collective past, but if you can weather the storm (it took me six years with the Boy Wonders mother!) it will i am sure be worth it!
Abs x
Posted by: abs at March 11, 2004 11:04 AM (+Ovpo)
2
Y has got to step up a bit here. When he's directly asked if you are "the one who caused all of the troubles" he's got to respond. "Something like that" just means "yes" as a response to that question. Does Mr.Y blame you for his divorce? That's what he seems to be saying here.
Posted by: Jim at March 11, 2004 11:34 AM (saeHM)
3
IT IS NEITHER HERE NOR THERE WHAT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE DONE IN THE PAST OR WHAT SKELITONS THEY HIDE IN THEIR CLOSET, THEY JUST CAN,T RESIST THE CHANCE TO GOSSIP AND STICK THEIR NOSE WHERE IT DOESNT BELONG!! AND IF EVER QUESTIONED ABOUT THEIR OWN PAST IT,S ALWAYS, WELL THAT WAS DIFFERENT AND ALWAYS FOLLOWED WITH AN EXCUSE TO SET THEIR OWN MIND AT EASE. P.S. YOU WRITE VERY WELL.
Posted by: GRADY at March 11, 2004 12:14 PM (fmxYD)
4
I completely agree with Jim. "Something like that" sounds like a "yes, but don't ask" to me. This is NOT how you defend someone against accusations of being the one who wracked the marriage.
So he better make a vastly improved effort on Saturday...
Posted by: Gudy at March 11, 2004 01:14 PM (6/xsn)
5
Helen dear, IÂ’m fine here in... Lisbon/Portugal. Not Spain
. The news were however very disturbing, a friend that works with us occasionally (a partner company) and is Spanish, from Galiza, was in Madrid in one of the stations, El Pozo I think. We already received news via email that he is ok, but very shocked about the whole thing. Portugal and Spain are supposed to be nations with their backs turned, 9 centuries ago an quarrel between a "Spanish" mother and a "Portuguese" son (there wasnÂ’t Spain or Portugal back then, not the way we have today...) began the two countries. But to me Spain is truly a brother country, one I visit and love, and were I am always welcome. So we feel very sad about this news, one way or the other every Portuguese has a Spanish relative and vice-versa. Indeed a sad day...
About the weekend coming up, I can only recommend patience and kindness. You do have some things working against you, and my guess is that you can only overcome it with said patience and kindness. I suspect this to be hard for you, but donÂ’t see any way around it. Time will be a good help, IÂ’m sure Mr. Ys friends will be happy if he is happy. One thing puzzles me tough... "Mr. Y decided he should call his closest friends this week and present the info-he hadn't told them that they had split yet. He is bracing his family for it tonight. He rang up his three closest friends and dropped the bomb." Closest friends and donÂ’t know about nothing? IÂ’m probably missing something... Love, Miguel.
Posted by: msd at March 11, 2004 02:14 PM (cdKqJ)
6
I don't mean to hop on the bandwagon here, but I have to agree with the others. When Mr. Y is asked who wrecked his marriage there is only one answer - it was Mrs. Y and himself who wrecked the marriage. No one else has that power. Period.
Posted by: Clancy at March 11, 2004 02:24 PM (EGVPL)
7
I speak as a husband who was unfaithful once. I'm not proud of it, and I'm wrestling with the temptation again, but I know that my actions are not the fault of S, nor my wife. My actions are my own.
I agree with Jim. Mr Y needs to step up & take responsibility for his own actions. You were a symptom of his marital difficulties, not the cause of them, and he needs to make that very clear.
Good luck to you.
Easy
PS- To date, none of my friends knows what happened between S and myself.
Posted by: Easy at March 11, 2004 02:27 PM (lxT9y)
8
Helen, Hang in there tough...you really have no control over the preconceived opinions that people have already formed about you...despite the potential for cold shoulders and whatnot, keep smiling girl.
Also, Thanks for mentioning Miquel and I appreciate his rapid response to your well wishes. Here in the US, I awoke to the tragic news in Spain and am thinking about our Spanish friends.
Posted by: Marie at March 11, 2004 02:44 PM (PQxWr)
9
Hi Miguel,
Just went to the news after reading H's PPS and your entry. I can't imagine what possesses people to murder innocent people. People they have never met or have an argument with. The ETA and whoever did this are not human. It is so horrible there are no comforting words to say to the wounded and victim's families. I hope the medical personnel can save as many of the wounded as possible.
Posted by: Roger at March 11, 2004 02:48 PM (8S2fE)
10
i don't think you're a home-wrecker helen. and hopefully mr. y's friends and family will give you a chance to win them over. mr. y should help with that transition. it may take some time, but hang in there.
Posted by: kat at March 11, 2004 04:07 PM (FhSIP)
11
H,
Wow. Both definitions of 'phlegmatic' used to pivot between scenarios:-)
Posted by: Roger at March 11, 2004 05:31 PM (8S2fE)
12
am interested in link exchange.
will add ur link soon
Posted by: underscore at March 11, 2004 05:49 PM (g0HPa)
13
I have to agree with what everyone seems to be saying, keep your chin up and keep smiling. And Mr. Y should step up. Good luck though, I know it won't be an easy time for you. Hang in there baby!
Posted by: Sue at March 11, 2004 06:02 PM (rZmE1)
14
I had to come back and read this again- tell me if I'm misunderstanding, because I hope so. You've been planning this move for what- weeks? months? And Mr. Y is just NOW telling his friends and family that he's getting divorced, after twenty years, for another woman, three days before a party, where he's bringing you? Tell me I'm misunderstanding that, please, because that sounds to me like he's either a spineless worm who can't face responsibility and won't defend you, or a controller who wants everyone to hate you so he'll be your only friend.
Posted by: Allison at March 11, 2004 07:27 PM (YmC5g)
15
H,
Y sounds like a smart lad. Hopefully he hasn't monopolized the common sense in his family. If people have made up their minds to pre-judge instead of reserving judgement until actually meeting you then they can sod off.
I hope it all goes well. Remember the only person there that matters after everything is said and done is Y. And I think you know where he stands!
All the best.
Posted by: Paul at March 11, 2004 07:33 PM (bWfDG)
16
I gotta go with Allison, Jim and a few others here...something isn't adding up. How does his family and closest friends not know about his divorce and you yet?
Seems part of "I've always loved you" would include introducing you earlier, defending you much better than, "something like that" and basically throwing you to the wolves...at a party where everyone will be.
I know you love Mr Y but that ain't right. You do NOT do that to someone you say you love.
I hope he does a better job defending you and starts confessing to his friends and family that he has blame in this...not just to you when you are both in bed.
Frankly, I would not go to this party. That is extremely unfair to you. But, I'm not you so I wish you the best of luck and I hope they treat you with some dignity and respect--AS YOU DESERVE and that you come back here and tell us all that it wasn't so bad afterall.
I worry about you sometimes, Helen. Maybe you don't want that, but I do.
Posted by: Serenity at March 11, 2004 07:38 PM (yDeX9)
17
Much younger? I hope that dosnt mean the kids are around the same age? If so that could be mucho problems.
You mentioned going to Jamaica for a week. Does the new Job know? If so that was very nice for them to allow the time off from work.
Posted by: Drew at March 11, 2004 07:41 PM (CBlhQ)
18
I would have got up and fetched you a towel... ;D
Posted by: dave at March 11, 2004 08:15 PM (a16BY)
19
Miguel-oops, sorry! I knew that. But glad you are ok!
Alison, Serenity, Jim and others-Mr. Y has indeed not mentioned me, since he doesn't want to discuss it with people. The only stories people know about me come from Mr. Y's ex-wife-which, as you may imagine, are less than complimentary. So I am absolutely overwhelmed.
Drew-Dream Job already ok'd the leave-truly a Dream Job, eh? And his kids are both under 12-no competition!
And Luuka should be headed for Rob in Jersey as we speak...
Posted by: Helen at March 11, 2004 08:40 PM (onZgN)
20
Hmmmm,
I wonder how many eligible bachelors there are on the British Isles...
Posted by: Roger at March 11, 2004 08:53 PM (8S2fE)
21
I tend to agree with what others have said...you did NOT cause mr Y marriage to break up.He did that all on his own.And if he had an affair with you,then he cant have been too happy at home anyway.
Be very careful Helen..dont jump into anything too quick..take your time and *date each other* for a while...oh BTW..is mr Y an english guy? Just wondering....
Posted by: butterflies at March 11, 2004 10:28 PM (karT6)
22
Oh and another thing...why doesnt he want to talk about you with *other ppl*..he should be stoked and proud and happy to have you!
Posted by: butterflies at March 11, 2004 10:31 PM (karT6)
23
I'd be a bit worried about his response too.
I've been with Neil for almost 6 years. It's less than a year since I met his parents. As far as they were concerned I was the cause of their daughter-in-laws marriage break up. Not their sons. Hers.
She got invited to family gatherings, Neil did not.
I *know* I'm not to blame for their marriage break up. Maybe I was his answer to it, but I wasn't the question. Mr Y needs to tell people that too. And I don't think I'd be looking forward to this party. I'd want to be meeting them as the new love of his life. Not the someone who sort of caused this...
good luck
Posted by: melanie at March 11, 2004 10:58 PM (jDC3U)
24
Helen,
It never stops amazing me how you can talk about slow sex, and wet spots on your back and make it all sound so classy, heh
I would hope Mr Y would take the more common idea of sticking together and set the record straight for all those interested. If I follow the timeline at all, basically you where out of the picture when his marraige was internally combusting. He should make that clear to all.
For the record, I have spoken once to my best friend in school since we graduated 20+ years ago. In hindsight, those friendships are often based on geography more than mutual interest. Yes I guess it would be nice to have friends who have known you since you were a kid, but really, whats more important is that you have friends who know who you are now, and care about you because of that, not that they went to grade school with you.
Have fun this weekend, and don't tie yourself in knots, whats another hated in-law in the whole scheme of things? You aren't dating his family, if they don't like it, they can, FO
Dane
Posted by: Dane at March 11, 2004 11:32 PM (ncyv4)
25
I've gotta stop reading this at work. I'm still chuckling about "phlegmatic way"...
And now I'll never think of glue the same way again.
Posted by: Simon at March 12, 2004 06:42 AM (FUPxT)
26
I'm narrowing my eyes and looking at you over the tops of my glasses.
Mr Y is ". . .partially to blame?"
::COUGHCOUGHbullshitCOUGHCOUGH::
His marriage. His breakup. He should be man enough to assume those responsibilities.
I don't even know you, Helen, and I'm worried about you -- and pissed off at your man. Partially to blame? PFFFT. What a fuckwitted thing to say.
Sorry. I'll be over in the corner if anyone needs me.
Posted by: margi at March 12, 2004 07:32 AM (kpNlZ)
27
One more thing and I'll STFU --
If he loves you as much as he SAYS he loves you -- then he would be willing to shoulder the responsibility HE has for the breakup of his marriage AND he would be shielding you as much as POSSIBLE from slings and arrows of his nasty divorce. Not parading you around his family and friends like some sort of trophy.
I do not like his furtive and sneaky mannerisms. Not one bit.
Beware, m'dear. I KNOW you love him. But right now and to me, he sounds like a first-class ass that does not deserve a woman as fine and as wonderful as you.
Posted by: margi at March 12, 2004 08:18 AM (kpNlZ)
28
HA! Great one. Romantic and sticky at the same time! Best of luck with your new situation.
Posted by: Almost Lucid (Brad) at March 18, 2004 04:25 AM (VeM9E)
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