Mr. Y and I have had a bumpy, wild ride.

First we had each other many years ago, and then we didn't.

When you take a look at the "when we had each other", it all boils down to amazing coincidences, a ladder of things that happened in so precise a way that if they didn't happen, I might not be on this computer in our guest room overlooking Whitney Houston with a bouncy 7 year-old boy downstairs. My lovely Mr. Y might not be clad only in his robe with bed-hair and leaving me coffee kisses on my forehead. I might still be in Sweden, or dead, or any other amazing assortment of possibilities.

When I first met him we were sitting around a large conference table, him looking the epitome of business confidence and generally raising a fuss about any and every item that suited him. I zeroed in on him right away, and noted him not only as a native English speaker, but also as someone that I found very attractive. He was strong, assertive, thoughtful. Ironically, he also remembered me from that meeting-as being someone who was quiet, drank orange soda, and had a funny duck-shaped key ring.

We were friends for a long while, and all of it turned around in one night. In one night, a steamy sort of mystery-novel night in Bangkok, our whole worlds changed, and we both agree that Bangkok was the catalyst, and without it we would likely have never hooked up. In Bangkok at a massive Company X conference we talked. I decided to have a hot bath and go to bed, but he texted me and demanded my attendace at the blow-out bash. I agreed, and in my hotel room realized I only had a tiny pair of panties and a sundress left that were clean, and so flounced downstairs in those.

And when a group of us went bar-hopping later in a cheesy dodgy Thai girl strip bar area, where banks of tourists were, bouncing in business suits, hemp clothes, backpacks and open-mouthed wonder, it all came to a magnificent head in one single movement that-more than anything else in my history-I can confess changed my life.

Mr. Y took my hand as we got out of a taxi and crossed the busy street.

Electric, baby.

I felt the current throb through me so fast that I knew I would just die if he let go of my hand. It was the stuff that those bodice-ripping pirate romance novels are made out of. This one touch made me gasp and catch my breath and feel all fluttery inside.

Flash forward to now, years later. It's with irony that I can say that where I am today all begins with one moment, a moment that includes a text message and my hand being held. There is a lot more that had to come as well-Mr. Y and I developed a method of honesty between us that we call "glasnost", in which we try to never lie or conceal from each other. We learnt how to talk to each other. We learnt how to rely on each other, and for me, that was one of the harder ones.

I think that there isn't a "one" person for us all, more like a handful of people to whom we are ideally suited. I do think that people can be meant to be, in that the person that they really and truly are can only really be revealed when they are with this other person, that the other person is a catalyst of popping the cork out of the fake dating game bottle and letting out the real you, the one that wants to watch tv and eat pizza together.

Ask Mr. Y if we were meant to be, and he replies: "I don't believe in that crap."

Sentimental, my boy.

But now I look at the life I have, and the incredible difference to how I have always worked.

I sleep naked, and under one duvet (I am told that I hog the covers, however I am sure my delicate and dainty nature would preclude any such selfish subconscious actions).

I discuss money.

I don't get angry.

I open up the hinges inside of me and try to scrape out parts of me that will help with his children.

Sometimes it is all so terrifyingly hard-I am new to children and the sensitive territory that surrounds all child-like life, it's with fragile footsteps and worry that I approach them-will I accidentally say or do something that fucks them up the way I got all screwed up? I long for another cat, but that gets the kaibosh from Mr. Y. And dealing with our exes is far from easy on both our sides.

But falling into the study of our little house, the bed, and his heart?

Yeah...that's been easy.

-H.

PS-broadband is working, so late afternoon will see some high-speed surfing and emails!

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:41 AM | Comments (15) | Add Comment
Post contains 838 words, total size 4 kb.

1 I always thought we were "meant to be" everytime I've fallen in love...and it always fallen flat to the ground. Except from this time. Maybe it takes time and a bit of experience to actually be able to inspire another person to glow and to be something that you cannot force, I dunno. But for me it took a long time to get there. As for children....just be yourself and let things happen. Let them lead the way and you'll be just fine You will feel more secure around that bouncy 7-year old with time.

Posted by: croxie at July 13, 2004 10:54 AM (d2AbX)

2 Are you sure that bolt wasn't beacuse it was so humid in Bangkok? MAybe this whole thing is based on static electricity? Mr Y is right - I don't believe in that crap. But clearly you two are happy with each other and made for each other. How it happened is far less important than that it happened. And it's just so typical that the woman hogs the duvet. That's obviously a biological thing.

Posted by: Simon at July 13, 2004 11:45 AM (UKqGy)

3 A duvet is the same as a comforter, right? There's a secret to the proper male use of these things. Roll the edge around and under your hip so gravity will thwart her when she tries to expose you to the frigid nightime air. Took me 4 years to figure that one out.

Posted by: Jim at July 13, 2004 12:35 PM (IOwam)

4 I've had too many weird experiences not to believe that sometimes the Universe is sending me a message. I don't believe in Fate, but the Verse sure seems to send things my way. My job is to recognize them when they arrive.

Posted by: Easy at July 13, 2004 01:16 PM (cIlkr)

5 I don't believe there is only one either, but I do believe certain things are meant to be - it's just up to us to actually make them happen. I envy your "glasnost" honesty and openness - I wish I could learn to find it with MK without succumbing to the fear that comes with it.

Posted by: karmajenn at July 13, 2004 01:44 PM (fx1A8)

6 I'm not actually sure what I believe. I do know that when I found my other half, I was surprised to feel what I did. Something no one really warned me I'd feel. I felt a sense of freedom. Sounds similar to how you seem to feel with Mr. Y. A freedom to completely be yourself.

Posted by: Jadewolff at July 13, 2004 01:51 PM (tqQaS)

7 There's an old adage: a woman marries a man thinking she can change him, and a man marries a woman hoping she won't change. A friend of mine was talking about his newlywed wife, and all he kept saying was, "They change." (he was drunk). So even if you think you find "the one", odds are they'll either change or not change in an undesirable way, and then you'll be wondering if "the one" is still out there. I think there are many "ones"; you just choose one and make the best of it.

Posted by: Solomon at July 13, 2004 02:27 PM (k1sTy)

8 Although I don't believe in there being only one other person I could happily spend my life with I do think there's more than mere chance at work in who we meet. I came a hair's breath (watch it!) away from not meeting the girl I'm seeing now. It's amazing how quickly your life can change in a moment's notice. Did it ever occur to you that you wouldn't need to hog the covers if you'd simply PUT SOME CLOTHES ON?! Ahem.

Posted by: Paul at July 13, 2004 02:38 PM (xdj7o)

9 when am I getting the bear?

Posted by: pylorns at July 13, 2004 02:41 PM (FTYER)

10 You throw in these happy ones, Helen, and it makes my day. It's good to see you happy. PS. I hope you don't mind that I've adopted generally the nickname you gave me.

Posted by: Jiminy at July 13, 2004 03:07 PM (os58V)

11 It's good to see you accepting happiness. Not questioning, not zapping out the essence of happiness by worrying that it will suddenly disappear. You seem to finally be letting yourself enjoy what life has decided you deserve. Joy.

Posted by: amy t. at July 13, 2004 04:03 PM (xKhv0)

12 Life seems to be agreeing with you Helen.

Posted by: Marie at July 13, 2004 05:25 PM (PQxWr)

13 Ah...I see England is rubbing off on you. You have switched from, "learned" to "learnt". As for the rest of it, it's amazing what one tiny gesture can do for a person.

Posted by: Serenity at July 13, 2004 10:41 PM (3g7Ch)

14 Yeah for broadband. I was starting to thing some of us were not going to see you anymore.

Posted by: drew at July 13, 2004 11:06 PM (sW2xV)

15 It's nice to see you happy, Helen! As far as the duvet goes, I've never understood the appeal of having just the one for more than one person. My experience is that one for each is just about the optimum...

Posted by: Gudy at July 14, 2004 01:04 PM (PxaRc)

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