Wish me luck this weekend, as Melissa arrives tomorrow morning.

Mr. Y and I decided that it's important to be part of a community. Now, I am absolutely crap at meeting and getting to know new people, and Mr. Y is perhaps a little bit hesitant as well, but we both view this as an important part of being a new couple: he "lost" most of his joint friends in his divorce, and I "lost" all of mine. So meeting new people and having mutual friends is an important part of building a future together, one that includes getting stupidly drunk with friends at a dinner and barbecue.

So we joined the local arts group-he as someone to assist with sound/lighting, and me as part of the cast.

I was in theatre for a very long time, actually. I not only took classes at a theatre near Dallas, I also taught there, too. I was an actor, director, stage manager...you name it. I was active up until I met, married, and divorced the lighting designer there (ironic, isn't it? I always seem to fall for the guys who have a thing for lights) and then I really no longer had access to the theatre. I then went on to play a role in a UPN series for kids in Dallas, which ran for a few years. The money was shit, and a new possibility came up-I was to play a conservative woman living with her gay brother in NYC, but last minute UPN discovered a niche market in African-American comedies and scrapped the plan.

I quit UPN and acting in general.

A similar TV series, "Will and Grace", was made on a rival network to monster success.

I hope UPN are kicking themselves to this day.

Anyway, Mr. Y and I attended the village fair a few weeks ago and were persuaded to join the new show. The casting was already done, but they were desperate for chorus members so we were welcome if we would sing. Actually, it was for a show that Mr. Y knew very well, since his grand-parents were in a local production of it when he was younger, during the summer week he had to be in it. I couldn't believe it when I heard.

The show they are putting on is "Oklahoma!".

Oh.
My.
God.

Mr. Y and I trooped off to a former World War II bunker where they hold the rehearsals, and immediately it fell into my "This is Really Weird" category. There were about 15 people there, all seated in various arranged "choir" seats. The director, a woman who could masquerade during the day as the village gossip, immediately placed Mr. Y in the back row with the men and put me in the middle row with the altos.

And so it began.

The man playing Curly stood up, pinky ringed finger curled over the perfectly highlighted script. He started speaking to the group of us, clearly pleased with himself. He spoke, and I got a chill down my back as I realized that he was putting on a thick, "I'm-a-Redneck" accent with a bit of a totty English accent.

In fairness, he didn't do too bad.

But the object of his affections, Laurey? Yeah, let's just say she might need a bit of dialect work.

"Ah say, Cur-leeee. Ah jus doan know how Ah shall survive this monstrous event. Wouldja' lahke a cuppa tea?"

And about half of her words sounded like J.R.-Eweing-with-a-stroke meets the Queen of England.

At the break, I went up to the director.

"You know, I am from Texas, and I am happy to help with the accent, if you need it."

Razors of ice shot from her eyes. "Texas is not the same as Oklahoma." she replied, sharp English accent at the ready.

That's for damn sure, ma'am. "No, they aren't, but they are right next to each other and the dialect is similar. I am just offering, perhaps you don't need it."

"Well." she replied, her lips pursing and disappearing into themselves. "We shall see, shall we?"

Ooooh. I already pissed off the director. "Yup. We shall see." I replied. I walked up to Mr. Y, who was drinking a glass of water.

"Hi honey," I said, wrapping my arms around his waist. "Having fun?"
"Ohmigod, this is excruciating." he replied, gulping water. "I am not singing in a show, I will do the lights, but that's it."
"Please?" I asked, thinking how fun it would be to put stage makeup on him.
In answer, he tipped his water glass down the front of my shirt. Thinking quickly, I hugged myself to him, soaking him as well. When we sat down, he got chortles from the men in the back congratulating him on the wet T-Shirt contest. The woman next to me looked at me quizzically, taking in my wet chest.

"I have a drinking problem." I replied smoothly.
"Oh." she said, understanding. "I've heard that about Americans."
This brought on the giggles from me.

The rehearsal kept going-from time to time we would get to sing when Curly and Laurey were deciding to keep their hands off each other, and when we did it was hell. My group, the altos, were clearly out of favor. There were only 4 of us compared to about a thousand sopranos who apparently were engaged in a compeition to see who could shatter the most glass, and the director kept referring to us as "The Number Twos" which put me in immature giggles every time. I would glance back from time to time to see Mr. Y singing away, mouth wide open but looking a bit like a deer trapped in the headlights.

At the end of it, we walked home hand in hand, Mr. Y swearing up and down that he would absolutely not be doing that musical. And to be honest, although I love theatre and want to be involved, I have to be honest-I think "Oklahoma" is a pretty stupid musical. I may be bowing out, too.

But that doesn't stop the irritating songs from bouncing in our heads. I may be doing the laundry and hear, from the bathroom upstairs, the sound of Mr. Y taking a wee and singing at the top of his lungs: "You're doing fine, Oklahoma! Oklahoma! O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A! OKLAHOMA!" rising to a fever-inspired desperate yelling frenzy at the end of it.

But I know the feeling. After all, I'm just a girl who can't say no.

I love living here.

-H.

PS-Karen, I received the books and the Twizzlers-thank you so much, I was sucking the life out of the very last of my Twizzler stock yesterday!

PPS-Last night Mr. Y and I watched The Game, ignoring our tickets to the theatre for an edge-of-the-seat-of-the-couch evening. Miguel-my congratulations. But that goal shouldn't have been disallowed

PPPS-I have been getting a few mails that maybe I am not real, either. You know. Like Pinocchio. Just because Layne disappeared, it doesn't mean that the rest of the blog world is a bunch of smoke and mirrors. I am real, my experiences and thoughts (as fucked up as they are) are real, and everything I write here (except for people's names and a few incidences to protect people I discuss on this blog) are real. Ask Simon (and his new weblog showcase)-he's actually met me and Mr. Y.

PPPPS-And I booked tickets for a long weekend in August for Mr. Y and I. We are off to one of the most romantic places in the world. See if you can guess

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 10:45 AM | Comments (22) | Add Comment
Post contains 1283 words, total size 7 kb.

1 "They are going home, they are going home, they are going, they are going, they are going home!!!" PORTUGAL! PORTUGAL! PORTUGAL! PORTUGAL! Actually, that was a foul. I honestly think so. But England was a bit unlucky, Rooney, a ball hitting the bar and more. And regardless of the problems in the south, the Brits in the Stadium showed a huge amount of fair play. The supporters I met latter on, tough sad, celebrated and partied with the Portuguese. I really don´t remember who paid more rounds of beer, "James" or me ;-). Miguel.

Posted by: msd at June 25, 2004 11:52 AM (SdUpt)

2 ... Jamaica? Miguel.

Posted by: msd at June 25, 2004 11:53 AM (SdUpt)

3 The most romantic place in the world? Gotta be Niagara Falls! Okay, I'm a bit biased. It's entirely possible that Niagara Falls isn't the most romantic place in the world. Especially since it's a fully developed tourist Mecca. Is it a beach in Barbados? That sounds mighty romantic to me.

Posted by: Jim at June 25, 2004 01:04 PM (IOwam)

4 You booked a weekend in the back seat of a car? Whaaaaat? I've heard that's very romantic. At least that's what all my high school buddies told me I'm guessing Paris.

Posted by: Solomon at June 25, 2004 01:24 PM (fi5qC)

5 Sheboygan, Wisconsin?

Posted by: Sarah at June 25, 2004 01:59 PM (Kpjuf)

6 Ooooh, I can't guess. No clue. But I'm stuck on the musical. I can't FATHOM the English wanting to do Oklahoma! I got quite a giggle out of imagining their broad not-quite-right attempts at accents. I think your evening sounds horrendously funny - drinking problem and all. Heehee!

Posted by: Lisa at June 25, 2004 02:00 PM (uxfbz)

7 Ah - theatah! Good fun. I wish lots of good energy for you and Mr. Y this weekend. And my guess for most romantic place would be Venice. Second guess is Perth Amboy, New Jersey.

Posted by: karmajenn at June 25, 2004 02:07 PM (fx1A8)

8 You better be real. Otherwise, what am I going to do with these Twizzlers when I get to London?

Posted by: emily at June 25, 2004 02:44 PM (AO0sO)

9 teehee, the southern and english accents must be an odd combo. much luck with melissa this weekend my dear. this may take some time, but i know you'll win her over. well, first thought was paris...i've never been so i can't say whether it's really romantic or not?

Posted by: kat at June 25, 2004 03:02 PM (FhSIP)

10 I'm not close enough to Venice or Paris wayyyy out here on the West Coast, so San Francisco will have to fill in the romance factor. But I mean, Tony Bennett left his heart here, for heaven's sake. My guess for you would be Venice. I've never been there, but I went to the Venetian in Vegas and it was VERY romantic.

Posted by: Lesley at June 25, 2004 04:40 PM (yQGoT)

11 I just love the whole "are you real?" questions. One person thought that both my husband's blog AND my blog were done by one person. Who the hell has the *time*!? Hey, we can't all be 40 year old, fat, unemployed male geeks with an overactive imagination typing feverishly at their keyboards. Condolences on Oaklahoma. *shudders* My son's class did it in Junior High. I still know all the words to all the songs. Much as I try not to. *smiles*

Posted by: Amber at June 25, 2004 07:45 PM (zQE5D)

12 The game is an excelent movie. I recently got it from netflix and copi...er um "backedup" the movie.

Posted by: pylorns at June 25, 2004 09:36 PM (FTYER)

13 Hi Helen, new here. I spent most of last weekend reading all your past entries. I laughed and I cried! Great blog. You don't seem crazy to me, you have just had a lot of "stuff" in your life! Keep working at it, you seem to be doing just fine so far.

Posted by: justme at June 26, 2004 03:24 AM (s6c4t)

14 First, the theatre entry... hahahahahahahahahaha! I'm SOOOO glad I'm not alone! And thank goodness my playwright decided to solve my accent problem by rewriting my character as a South African. Now I suppose I better learn my lines, though, hey? Oh, the pressure! And... I am pretty sure I know where you're going, aren't I? We've discussed this you and I. Wildly romantic, exotic... Mother Africa beckons... If it's my very own South Africa, I'm going to be deliriously happy and oh-so-jealous all at the same time. Much luck for the weekend's Midsommer's Dream (Nightmare? I truly hope not!). And... Oh, what a beautifuuuuuuuuul moooooooooooooooooooooooooorning! Oh what a beautifuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay... Oklahoma OK! (Couldn't resist.)

Posted by: redsaid at June 26, 2004 04:24 AM (E74s6)

15 Wet t-shirt competition eh? hehe...must have made the rest of the establishment look fairly pale Um...most romantic place in the world...and u need tickets...well, to most people that would be Paris but who knows. You guys might find another place more romantic. Wherever it might be, have fun and stay out of trouble

Posted by: croxie at June 26, 2004 11:34 AM (Qi889)

16 We are off to one of the most romantic places in the world. See if you can guess Ooh, let it be Venice. Be interesting to see what you two could get away with in a gondola . . . .

Posted by: ilyka at June 26, 2004 08:04 PM (eRXIm)

17 Seeing as how you and Mr Y apparently consider every grassy knoll you come across a "romantic spot" I think you may have left this one a bit too wide open =) As far as you being real, I feel there will always be some doubt, but its ok, I have the answer... Start the Host Helen List, and just come visit each and everyone of us. See, problem solved =)

Posted by: Dane at June 26, 2004 11:16 PM (ncyv4)

18 Oh goodness! You and Mr Y must be coming to the hidden Blue Ridge Mountains on the south side of Grandfather Mountain. It is fabulously romantic

Posted by: Marie at June 27, 2004 01:15 AM (3Y1np)

19 I will send you twizzlers if you promise to hang out with me the next time I am England. Since I don't know when that will be, you are in no danger. Gotta love those Brits. Maybe next year.

Posted by: Ms. Grits at June 27, 2004 02:36 AM (7vjTv)

20 Dane: you crack me up. Yeah, lots of possibilities indeed. :-) Like most here, I would guess either Venice or Paris, with Rome a distant third. Re: the musical. The pain, oh the pain! I think I'd quickly bow out in a similar situation... Re: being real. I'm so glad I'm an average looking guy instead of a beautiful woman, or people would probably doubt my existence as well. ;-)

Posted by: Gudy at June 28, 2004 09:56 AM (G6o+T)

21 Darling, I am terrifically jealous. It seems as if you are always jaunting off somewhere or other, while it's a big deal for me to get a full day off!

Posted by: Kaetchen at June 28, 2004 04:31 PM (1nMRx)

22 As if you wouldn't know the difference between Oklahoma and Texas. Jeesh.

Posted by: the girl at June 29, 2004 03:43 PM (XXTbQ)

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