It's funny the way dreams affect us.
This morning, both Mr. Y and I are struggling to shake off the cobwebs of our subconscious after we pass a night of Kafka dreams (again, I call all bad dreams Kafka dreams, they don't have to be the ones where a giant stick insect that is your father is trying to bite your head off).
Mr. Y dreamt all about his divorce settlement last night (his divorce should be finalized within a month, I think, and it hasn't gone so smoothly thus far). So this morning, thanks to his clever technical capacity and his need for a java infusion, he is surfing the web from his wifi laptop in bed, reading about divorce settlement sites and for a good local pub where we can have lunch with his kids, his father, and his stepmother (they are driving down to have lunch with us. I am, indeed, moderately nervous).
I dreamt all about aliens, panic, stress, and fear, topped off by the appearance of a guy I work with that has been flirting with me and has Mr. Y on guard (and no, I haven't been flirting back with him).
You think that when you sleep, it's all supposed to be so restful, but the truth is half the time I get a lot of torture throughout the night. I used to keep a dream journal, but that was thrown into the fireplace in the Great Helen Purge of Winter 2003, so maybe I need to invest in a new one.
I have always had problems at night. I've never been a bed-wetter, but name just about anything else that's on the border of Fucked Up Land, and I have done it. Most of my life I have suffered from a type nightmares so advanced that head doctors have a specific name for them-"night terrors".
Nice. I'll see your "screwed-up" and raise you a "nut job".
Sometimes my dreams are brutal and graphic, and they stay with me forever. Once I dreamt that I had to rescue children, I was running through the forest with my arms cut by the bitter leaves off the trees, puffing and heaving my way through, desperate to find the children. I reached a big awful house and ran around to the back, where I saw a pond. In the pond, curled into fetal position, were dozens of drowned children. I was bereft and in utter despair.
To say that lake scene in "Lord of the Rings" freaked me out is an understatement.
Sometimes the dreams are graphic and violent, sometimes they are stressful and emotional-once I dreamt Mr. Y dumped me and announced he was going back to his wife...but he did it via conference call with all of Company X. But all of my dreams involve me running from something horrible, and/or needing to rescue children.
My therapist told me that some people think that dreams are the subconscious trying to tell you that there are unresolved issues. That the rescuing children issue stems from something in my childhood, as does the running bit. That maybe the Kafka stems from something inside that I am not dealing with.
Then again, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Maybe the truth is, I simply have a wild imagination.
Sleepwalking? Done that. Talking in my sleep? Check. Battled the person next to me in bed? Yup, that too. Night terrors, crying and screaming? Indeed.
But-get this-sometimes I also sing or laugh. Or act out things that had happened.
Seriously.
For instance-one night when I was with Kim, we played Scrabble. Now, Kim and I used to love Scrabble and I-being a typical Type-A personality-hated to lose. Hated it. So sometimes the game got heated. Anyway, that night it got really contentious and in a moment of pure and perfect maturity, I threw the board across the room.
It took us forever to find all the pieces.
I can be such a dumbass.
Anyway, that night I dreamt I had found the missing "E" tile, as the dog had scooped it up and was trying to eat it. I was wrestling the dog to get the tile out of his mouth, when I heard:
It was then I realized that I had been dreaming, and I had rolled over, pried open Kim's jaws and was digging around in his mouth for the "E" tile.
Sleeping with me is such a hazard.
Luckily, I have a nice man now to help me deal with it.
-H.
PS-This is Petunia, a perfect cat who lives nearby. Petunia was called "Mental Cat" by us until we got to know him. Petunia has some unusual eyes, and on his front paws he has an extra toe, and on his back paws he has two extra toes. When he walks, he veers to the left and always has to tilt his head. It turns out Petunia had a stroke at birth, and he's a bit special. But after getting to know him (and his very sweet and loving owners), I am wildly in love with him. He comes into our house, where I feed him and dote on him. I think he's fabulous. I hope my girls like him, when they come in 4 and a half months. 
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Hi Helen,
I've heard your supposed to be able to control your dreams!? Apparently there's a state your in just before you fall off into a dream sleep. Whatever your thinking of at that time will dominate your dream. never done it myself so don;t know if it's true. just thought I'd mention it.
Rob x
Posted by: Rob at July 20, 2004 11:32 AM (2hKEo)
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Awwww...Petunia is gorgeous *sigh*
I have a neighbors cat roaming around here too, but not indoors. They are sweethearts though
As for dreams...I used to do the dream diary too a long time ago, trying to understand. But I gave it up since nothing made any sense to me.
But I do believe that there's a part of our mind that doesn't rest at night. It can open a lot of doors you had no clue was locked. Heck, that's how I found out that I'd been sexually abused as a kid. My therapist followed a thread in a nightmare that kept coming back and a huge nest of ugly things appeared.....creepy stuff.
And I've heard the same thing as Rob...about controlling your dreams. Heaven knows howto though...
Posted by: croxie at July 20, 2004 11:38 AM (99ehg)
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Rob-I've heard that, too. But always thought it was a bit of twilight kind of sleep, i.e. just before you wake up or just before you doze off. Like, when the dream is going badly, you realize you CAN orgasm/save the damsel/end world hunger.
Posted by: Helen at July 20, 2004 12:18 PM (pS7+B)
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I've also heard of what Rob mentions. It never worked for me but I'm also exceptionally stubborn so I probably just ignored myself.
You can also try using a dream guide. That's where Mr.Y would talk to you while you are falling asleep, basically telling you the story of what you are dreaming. Generally your dream will follow along with what your partner is saying and then you'll take over when you hit REM sleep.
Posted by: Jim at July 20, 2004 12:28 PM (IOwam)
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Helen,
I'm so happy to hear the cats are coming in a few months!! How did you work out that whole UK quarantine thing? I am thinking of getting a cat (my wonderful girl died last october and now it's time!!) but I might move to the UK in a year or 2. From the US. Any advice on preparing for the possible move (e.g. microchip) ? thanks!
Posted by: Allison at July 20, 2004 12:58 PM (neEWW)
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I always have dreams but can never control them. They're usually benign though. I've also heard the "program yourself to dream" scheme but could never implement it...and not for lack of trying.
A former coworker of mine had night terrors, and he'd frequently wake up in the middle of the living room or outside battling an alien. Poor guy.
Posted by: Solomon at July 20, 2004 01:36 PM (k1sTy)
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You actually can take control of your dreams. I've done it before. It normally doesn't start out that way. But there are times when in mid-dream, I'll realize I'm dreaming and changing things that happen. Of course, I can't do it all the time. Though most of the time, I do realize while I'm dreaming, that it's a dream and I don't really have to be scared.
Oh, and that is a really cute kitty
Posted by: Jadewolff at July 20, 2004 01:41 PM (tqQaS)
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Awww! Petunia is gorgeous! He looks like a kitty named Kate who used to come around my place in San Diego. Kate was flea ridden, but she let me put flea stuff on her and brush her. Kate and I had a good thing going, man. She was a sweet kitty.
Posted by: Ms. Pants at July 20, 2004 02:00 PM (Kpjuf)
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You can control your dreams if you believe you can. And tell yourself so before you go to sleep, that if I start having that dream, I will do this this and this, and this is what will happen. It worked for me.
From the time I was a little kid, I had a recurring nightmare about being chased through dark streets or forests or desert, but always being chased, and always wearing a dress, (like your mother made you wear when you were a little kid that tied in a big bow in the back), and the ties were always floating, untied behind me, and that was how I knew how fast I was running, I could see them flying behind me.
So I heard about controlling your dreams. I was about 23, and had had that dream again. And woke up freaked out and scared of whomever was chasing me. About a month later, I had that dream again. I told myself in the dream, you know this is just a dream, and you are not a little kid anymore, stand your ground and find out what the person who is chasing you wants. In my dream, I stopped, turned around and the person ran up to me and I said what the hell do you want? I couldn't see a face, just a hat, it was a man in a suit, no one that I could recognize, and he said turn around. So I did, and he tied the bow on the back of my dress. And then walked away.
Don't know what it meant, don't know why or anything else, but I do know that I didn't ever have that dream again.
I'd had that dream from the time I was little, like 4 or 5, once or twice a month, waking up terrified every time, and it was over, just like that. You just have to make up your mind that something will trigger the knowledge that it's a dream, and then you will take control. It's actually easier than it sounds.
Posted by: Donna at July 20, 2004 02:10 PM (FZsl3)
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I've had my share of weird/scary dreams but luckily they are few and far between. If you can make Scrabble into a contact sport I wish Y luck when you guys break out a Twister mat!
Petunia has Children of the Corn eyes!
On Sanibel Island, FL there was a cat walking around the resort that had two paws on each front leg! Nice mental picture, eh?
He was freaky in an inbreeding experiment gone horribly wrong kind of way. Once I started calling him "Six Paws" he seemed less freaky.
Posted by: Paul at July 20, 2004 02:56 PM (xdj7o)
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Depending upon stress levels and the actual degree of importance of the things going on in my life, I've had moderate success controlling some of my dreams. However, when my subconscious is fighting with my unwilling conscious to just let something go, my dreams are at their most Kafka-esque. I've woken from dreams having been told my husband doesn't love me anymore, that my (someone close to me) has suddenly passed, and that my job is no longer mine. Several of these things have happened to me before during waking, of course, and I'm no better at dealing with the dreams than I am the reality. Truth be known, I think if I were any good at dealing with the reality then the dreams either wouldn't recur or they just wouldn't bother me. I've dreamed the theme of rescuing children, as well, and my hands started shaking about the time I read that part of your post. I think that one also is playing out in my life, considering what path I've taken.
I wish you the best of luck and again, thank you for posting so honestly. When I read what you write I learn things about myself.
Posted by: Lisa at July 20, 2004 04:00 PM (Wu7QI)
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Ah, I think we are somewhat kindred spirits in terms of dreaming. I once dreamed that I was trapped in the forest with a man who had me strapped down on a medical table, naked, and was cutting all over my body with razorblades. Somehow, I escaped, and was running naked through the forest in the snow, and as I'm running I somehow remember that this man that's chasing me through the forest with a gun used to be a soldier in Vietnam, and that I'm doomed not to get out of the situation alive. I dreamed dreams where people were trying to kill me, usually consisting of them chasing me to get me, every night for over ten years. Even the nights that I had decent/good dreams would have a second one of these dreams, the Kafka-type dreams, as you say.
Posted by: the girl at July 20, 2004 04:05 PM (XXTbQ)
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I woke up once when the then girlfriend was sat straddling me whilst I was lying on my front.
I wouldn't have minded if she wasn't smacking ten shades of crap out of my back whilst screaming "ants, ANTS!". She wasn't exactly the world's lightest girlfriend either, so getting her off was a challenge.
I NEVER let her forget that one ;-)
I want a cat. No fair.
Posted by: Tilesey at July 20, 2004 04:14 PM (ya9xC)
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I've done the same things throughout most of my life. In and out of therapy as a child because of my night terrors, they happened so often that my grandmother took to sleeping in a chair in my room for a while... I still talk in my sleep all the time, but thankfully, the night terrors are getting fewer, and the sleepwalking and sleepfighting are better.
Posted by: amber at July 20, 2004 04:22 PM (/ydz0)
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I also got a little shaky with the mention of the dreams of saving children. I used to have these dreams all of the time, too. I called them my "dead baby" dreams because I never succeeded in saving them...they always died somehow and sometimes it was me who caused their death. There was so often a recurring variation on that theme. I've found that when my Kafka dreams start coming back, it's time to get back into therapy. I do believe it is your subconscious sorting itself out, and these dreams will stop (though the talking and thrashing may continue) once you get your issues figured out. Yes, it's Freudian, but...
Posted by: klo at July 20, 2004 04:50 PM (Qzv/k)
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Hmm that makes my recurring dream of being chased by a vengeful ghost in my cousins' house seem like nothing. One thing that has helped me with "Kafka dreams" is trying to notice the things within the dream that don't make sense. If I try to focus on something that doesn't make sense, I usually end up realizing that I am dreaming and waking myself up from the dream. Not entirely sure how I do it though. Petunia is a cutie.
Posted by: gemtaur80 at July 20, 2004 05:37 PM (Sn5k/)
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I have never had really vivid dreams but a while back I quit smoking and wore nicotine patches. They say right on the box not to wear them a night because they give you nightmares, but my dreams were really bright and funny so I did. Until I went to visit my parents on Thanksgiving...when my Mom woke me up I was outside in the backyard hitting a cactus with the pool net and screaming obsenities. Quite funny looking back but I couldn't get that patch off fast enough.
Posted by: Lily at July 20, 2004 06:10 PM (PuHU/)
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Ah, Klo mentioned something I forgot to-whenever I dream that I have to rescue children, I too always fail.
I am always very upset about it, too.
Sometimes I hate Freud.
Posted by: Helen at July 20, 2004 06:26 PM (pS7+B)
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Try LIVING with someone who acts out his dreams! He got drunk, fell asleep next to me, and I woke up after he tried to take a huge bite out of the back of my head. He was dreaming that he was eating an apple. (Well, that was his story, anyway.)
Posted by: Oda Mae at July 20, 2004 06:52 PM (s6ldp)
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"PS-This is Petunia, a perfect cat who lives nearby"
I get the impression that any cat thats breathing is a perfect cat =)
Glad you found a friend till your girls show up. You might want to have a talk with the neighbor about the naming of animals...Darling as it is, Petunia is not something I would want to be yelling at the top of my lungs when looking for the cat. hehe
Posted by: Dane at July 20, 2004 07:40 PM (ncyv4)
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I used to fling myself out of the king-sized bed, all the way across my ex-husband's sleeping body in one huge leap, charge across the room and flip the light switch on in the bathroom, staring in terror at the ceiling before I actually woke up because I was sure there was a giant spider crouching above the bed.
What it really was, of course, was the ceiling light. I did this at least once a week for over 10 years, while my ex would say patiently, "Amber, there IS no spider! There's no damn spider, come back to bed!" I'd stand there and shiver until his words finally got through to me and I'd figure out he was right; no spider.
Funny thing is, once I moved out, the spider nightmares went away forever.
Even though I still have a ceiling light.
Posted by: Amber at July 20, 2004 09:15 PM (zQE5D)
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I can so completely identify with Amber's spider dreams! I've had those on and off for years.
Also, Helen: don't you just love a cat with extra toes!
Posted by: Terry at July 20, 2004 10:44 PM (axnXE)
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Terry-God, I LOVE the extra toes!
Posted by: Helen at July 21, 2004 11:40 AM (dKPoa)
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Email me please - Munuvian biznesssss.
Posted by: Ted at July 21, 2004 12:43 PM (blNMI)
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Richard Feynman did some experiments in Lucid Dreaming a while back. I somehow found this titbit in my brain whilst reading this entry. I have no clue who I know it, I even checked out his books on Amazon to see if I have read any of them, with the answer being a big fat no.. ! scary.. however the books do look trés interesant.
Posted by: sasoozie at July 21, 2004 01:35 PM (H8Lg2)
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My dreams when I was younger were horrible -
here. I don't have any of the three I used to have then, any more.
The ones I have now are all about a weird house with rooms all over the place, ones that are tacked on everywhere, with all sorts of weird levels.. and odd groups of people there.. people from my past, people from my now, and people from my... well.. people from out there.. you. The friends I have made online..
Or sex.
Posted by: melanie at July 21, 2004 10:40 PM (jDC3U)
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oh.. and they called a boy cat Petunia?? Poor Petunia!
Posted by: melanie at July 21, 2004 10:41 PM (jDC3U)
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Oh Helen..you bought back a vivid memory that I had forgotten completely..my brother and me playing monopoly and me getting SO angry at him for cheating and I threw the whole board across the room...Of course,I got into trouble for it!
Ive been away for a while in NZ so havent had a chance to read blogs...Its so lovely to hear you all happy and peaceful
Posted by: butterflies at July 22, 2004 01:09 AM (mF/af)
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Oh, Petunia isn't his real name. His real name is stunningly unique and utterly googleable
Posted by: Helen at July 22, 2004 08:50 AM (pS7+B)
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