Something a little different happened on Sunday.

On Sunday, my uncle, aunt, and one of my cousins came over to our house for a barbecue.

They brought with them my Japanese grandmother, who has flown over from the States and whom I haven't seen in nearly 10 years.

She's over here for my other cousin's graduation from an American high school on an English Air Force Base near London. Angus and I are both going to the graduation on Thursday, and besides my stepmother and my uncle's family, this is the first exposure he's had of my family. The house was clean, Angus made a smashing leg of lamb and roast potatoes (I had soy sausages, thank you) and we had key lime cheesecake for dessert.

And the thing is, my grandmother hasn't changed a bit in 10 years.

There she was, looking exactly the same. No new lines seemed to have appeared. She still had the same tiny hands, the same tiny waist, the same tiny feet.

And her tiny Japanese shoes don't come close to fitting giant Helen feet.

Her English is still heavily and deeply accented, and she still loses her eyes when she smiles and laughs.

Just like I do.

There is a proposal to have a family reunion on Cape Cod sometime. If they have one, I asked if I could please be invited. I'm not an important family member and I never have been. I am tainted by my parent's divorce, my divorces, and my disappearance to the other side of the pond. My grandmother loves me but it is clear that my two sweet cousins are her favorite granddaughters. If I think about it, I imagine I will get invited-I'm like M&Ms, I guess. You never think about buying them, but if someone else suggests them and hands you a bowl with them, you'll partake and enjoy them for a short while.

One of these days someone is going to be able to explain to me why I've spent my life as the dark horse in the family, the one who always tried so hard to be a good girl and be loved, only to find third degree burns on the inside of her heart. Someone will be able to explain why it is I'm so easily forgettable, why it is that in terms of bloodlines I've only ever belonged to one tiny family unit and why I no longer even belong to that one. When that day comes, there will be some reckoning to be had.

In the meantime, the afternoon was very nice. We all got along extremely well, Angus was charming and was accepted readily, and Melissa (who is over here this week) was even hugged goodbye by my entire clan. Angus, Melissa and Jeff are invited to the reunion as well, and for once, I actually hope it takes place.

My grandmother loved our little cricket village. She loved the houses, she loved the flowers, she loved them playing cricket. She must have taken about a million pictures, but in retrospect, I guess that's expected-after all, at a pub on Saturday night she even took a picture of the menu. It was called the Queen's Pub-she felt that royalty should be respected. I don't think anyone had the heart to tell her there are tens of thousands of pubs in the UK with royalty in the name that had never seen a blueblood darken its doors before.

I told her she was being a stereotypical Japanese tourist, sans the white umbrella.

She laughed.

She calls my grandfather on our phone and shouts down the phone at him. I talk to him, a sweet mild-mannered man who I haven't seen in 10 years either. When I hang up, Grandma tells me that he bought his first cell phone three years ago. He and his friend went to a shop and insisted that they both buy a Company X brand phone, "to show support for my granddaughter!" as my grandfather insisted.

It is one of the kindest things I have heard, and I am nearly undone by it.

We walk around the village and Grandma sees English cricket playing on the country's oldest cricket green.

And in one picture with two sets of disappearing slanted eyes, I am reminded that what I am is also a part of where I come from.

And I am thankful-and frankly proud-for the journey so far.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:40 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
Post contains 748 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Wonderful picture.

Posted by: Ted at June 13, 2005 11:11 AM (blNMI)

2 Sounds like a wonderful visit!

Posted by: ~Easy at June 13, 2005 12:42 PM (/Lhqp)

3 Helen, this is another wonderful post. I don't see how they could ever dismiss you, or you not be a favored child in the family. If they do that, they do not really know you at all, for if they did, they could never hurt your feelings like that.

Posted by: kenju at June 13, 2005 01:28 PM (5U8GF)

4 Grandmas are cool. I wish I had one Angel1 & Angel2 have two sets of wonderful grandparents. Happy two year anniversary (it's upcoming right?) on the blog. I've enjoyed hanging out with you and all the other folks that visit. You really do write well and convey your thoughts and emotions excellently.

Posted by: Solomon at June 13, 2005 01:50 PM (k1sTy)

5 ... beautiful... I'm glad to hear that your Grandma made the trip over... maybe this is the beginning of something new...

Posted by: Eric at June 13, 2005 02:02 PM (YlwMq)

6 Sounds like you had a great visit and weekend. I understand about the cousins being the more favored lol. My Grandmother on my fathers side is the same way about my aunts children. And we have completly lost touch with her since my parents divorced. She actually called my house and asked for my cousin, totaly blowing me off when I answered, during a family reunion at my house years ago LOL. Love the picture of both of you!

Posted by: justme at June 13, 2005 02:51 PM (lnrI3)

7 Seriously, you are just adorable.

Posted by: sporty at June 13, 2005 03:03 PM (56gUM)

8 glad you had some pleasant family time.

Posted by: becky at June 13, 2005 03:50 PM (/VG77)

9 yes....great picture!

Posted by: sn at June 13, 2005 05:18 PM (6FCAy)

10 Psst! I lost your email and I have something that I have just *GOT* to share with you!!!! Hit me!

Posted by: Ms. Pants at June 13, 2005 05:30 PM (PQfF5)

11 Wonderful picture - you and your grandmother are beautiful women. I am so glad Angus and Melissa were able to meet the visiting family - and have it such a happy memory!

Posted by: Elizabeth at June 13, 2005 06:59 PM (qmWCO)

12 Im glad you got a chance to reconnect a little abs x

Posted by: abs at June 13, 2005 07:04 PM (es1oB)

13 I'm like M&Ms, I guess. Damn straight! Sweet on the outside, satisfying on the inside and chock full of mojo goodness. And lets not forget the stimulant and aphrodisiac properties.

Posted by: Jim at June 13, 2005 09:14 PM (tyQ8y)

14 The American high school that your cousins are attending... is it in High Wycombe? Just curious. When i lived in Germany I dated a boy who went there..and I went to their prom.(held nearby in some swanky hotel in London) It was a cool little school. Of course this was over ten years ago...oh jesus, I'm old. Anyway, lovely pic of you and Gran on the cricket green. I'm a dark horse too. I tell myself that the beauty of being a dark horse is that you get to choose your family...and can surround yourself with those who love you and contribute in positive ways to your psyche, bloodlines or no. Sounds like you're doing the same. Good for you.

Posted by: h at June 14, 2005 06:30 AM (IU7wl)

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