Last night I got home, threw on my pajamas, and cracked open a bottle of wine. I wish I could say I delicately sampled the liquid from fine fluted crystal, however I was much less refined. I was in desperate need. As in, desperately wrenched the cork off, willing to lose teeth in the process, if I could just have a drink.

I'd had yet another bad day in the history of my suck job, but at least I have an action plan for today, to try to find a way out of it.

I walk into the living room where Angus was curled up on the couch, setting the remote control down in a way indicative of Why yes. I have chosen the tv programming, and it is good. I walk in and see...it's Trinny and Susannah.

"Oh my God!" I shout. "It's those bitches!"

I look at the TV, at the woman that they are preparing to "help out". "Oh my God!" I shout again. "She's wearing a purple cadigan and a red turtleneck! That woman needs clothing police like Tony Blair needs an orthodontist!"

And, due to the wine in my hand and the complete lack of a will to live, I sat down and joined Angus for the TV show.

What struck me right off the bat was what the show was about. Trinny and Susannah, looking too skinny in clothing worth thousands of pounds, were draped on a couch. Trinny, the far too skinny one that has lips so full of collagen it makes me wonder if she has pictures of Melanie Griffith in her wallet to carry as her inspiration, was really letting loose on the point of today's program.

It was about women that had gotten a divorce.

But to hear the two of them, it was about women that had been touched by leprosy and now had to find clothes that would help the world ignore the fact that they'd lost a nose.

"It's so important that we help these two women." Trinny said, tears welling up at the side of her eyes.

"I know." Susannah said, tugging at her too severe hairstyle. "They have little happiness and hope now."

A tear heads for Trinny's trout pout. "It's so tragic. They're divorcees."

Oh, right. So these women have so little hope and happiness right now because they lost their men, right? Their lives are so tragic as someone said they didn't want them anymore, and now no one will, is that what you're saying?

The two scary chicks continued to moan about how tragic and awful it was that the women they were helping were divorced. Trinny and Susannah were wearing more metal on their left ring fingers than comes on the shielding of a tank. Tiffany's jewelers were standing by at the ready with their notepads, so utterly full of sparkly jewels were these rings. Here were two high profile TV "personalities" whose very presence so screamed "I am married and I am rich and when I have my babies I hire someone else's boobies to feed them" looking all weepy and feeling sorry for two women who had been divorced. It was clear that they felt some kind of revulsion to the word "divorce", as though they should cross themselves and knock on wood and shudder anytime the word was said.

And this is what pissed me off.

That these two women should be the object of such...such pity. By all accounts, the divorces the women had been through had been hard and their self-esteem had taken hits. Whose self-esteem doesn't? No one-not even Nicole Kidman fake punching the air-comes through a divorce and doesn't have a hit on the inside. When you get a divorce, it's admitting that one or both of you screwed up. At some point, the happy loving dreams you had after racing away from that alter have been proven to be cracked. Divorces are not fun things, they do not feel good, they are not nice.

But because a woman is divorced, it does not mean she should be the object of pity. Yes, anyone who's had their heart broken should be given a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen. Anyone who has lost a piece of themselves-either to the marriage in the first instance or the divorce in the second-should be given support.

However a divorce is not a sign to the world that no one will want them, ever. It is only a sign that the partner that they had chosen was not the final choice. You don't go on the scrapheap because you are divorced, you are not worth nothing just because you are seperated. Yes, these women had bad dress sense and had a hit on their self-esteem, but when you find out that what you thought was for the rest of your life was only for 10 years then anyone will feel bad.

These women are to be helped and felt sorry for as they had terrible clothes.

They should not be pitied for the mere fact that they are divorced.

It was the theme for the whole show-Trinny and Susannah constantly referred to these women as being so tragically divorced (when what was equally tragic was the fact that one of them still wore shoulder pads), even when it turns out the women were viciously unhappy in their marriages. All signs pointed to getting them attractive again so that they could go out there and get them some new men! This was important! You had to pull a new guy who loves you for your new look! Rub your wedding ring fngers three times, girls, and say the words "There's no place like the Vegas Wedding Chapel! There's no place like the Vegas Wedding Chapel There's no place like the Vegas Wedding Chapel!"

Of course, the two dragons decided to help these poor, low-confidence women by stripping them to their underwear, pointing out their bobbly bits, and making fun of their knickers. Cause that's certainly going to help build self-esteem. Who needs Winter Colors when one can have the piss taken out of them about their old granny panties?

The constant theme was of the "tragedy that these women were divorced". They even made one of the women wear turquoise and told her that "in her case, as she was divorced, she shouldn't be afraid to wear color." So...what? Divorcees generally only wear brown, is that it? As she's a divorcee she should cross that great divide and attempt to brave the color spectrum?

I guess these two dragons go home and get down on their knees and blow their husbands every day in gratitude then. No one is worth less just because they are divorced. No one's life is less valuable because they are alone. Marriage with the right person is great, but if you are so miserable and unhappy with your relationship, then punching out of that marriage clock can be a viable option. I'm not saying that we should go around busting up relationships at the slightest provocation, what I am saying is that there is no special charity case in being a divorcee-it's just a fact of life, something that hurts and is personal and represents a broken dream, but it does not mean that pity should come in great doses.

It just pissed me off that two women that choose modern fashions on a modern TV show can have such antiquated ideas. That divorce was the end of the world, that a woman needs a man to such an extent. Divorce does suck, having a partner to be a part of your life is great, but you know, these women that didn't have that? They have full and beautiful and enjoyable lives, too-they had beautiful children and lovely homes and big dreams and beautiful eyes. They had years of letting go ahead of them, to put away the bad remnants of a married life gone wrong.

Their clothes just sucked, that's all.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:26 AM | Comments (20) | Add Comment
Post contains 1344 words, total size 7 kb.

1 You have to admit that a good couple is a formidable duo. . .but that "I'm nobody without a husband" is so. . .70s. Besides, if I felt that way, I wouldn't have had the energy to get up and leave a loveless marriage -- only to find my Piper and this new little bundle of miracle. Knowhutimean?

Posted by: Margi at October 20, 2005 10:23 AM (nwEQH)

2 Helen, you are funniest when you are "up in arms" about something. I do agree with you about divorce not being the end of the world, and if I should ever get divorced, I will remember to wear brown (unless you'll lend me your orange skirt!)

Posted by: kenju at October 20, 2005 12:57 PM (+AT7Y)

3 From my ex-wife: A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Posted by: Foggy at October 20, 2005 12:59 PM (e8Uwf)

4 Darnit, I knew I shouldn't have bought that brown sweater at the gap last night! Now I'm marked!

Posted by: Erin at October 20, 2005 01:17 PM (BuifH)

5 What the hell? Who gave these bitches a show? That is one of the most absurd "topics" I have ever heard of. It sucks to be reminded of how far society has not come sometimes. Makes it worse that it was women who perpetrated this stupid idea. Jeesh.

Posted by: Teresa at October 20, 2005 01:30 PM (zf0DB)

6 I looked up "pity" on dictionary.com: 1) Sympathy and sorrow aroused by the misfortune or suffering of another. 2) A matter of regret. Sounds like we should pity anyone divorced, because (as you pointed out) divorce is hard and unpleasant. Antiquated ideas aren't bad; honesty, kindness, and slapstick comedy are all antiquated ideas A man and a woman getting married and staying married is best! Men and women complement each other wonderfully and SHOULD be together. A fish without a bike. That's funny...but inaccurate. It's more like a car with one of those teeny tiny spare tires. The car will go, but it can't go as fast or far; it doesn't perform as well and can't realize it's full potential. A family with just a mom or just a dad is like that and is worthy of pity (according to dictionary.com).

Posted by: Solomon at October 20, 2005 01:40 PM (k1sTy)

7 When I got divorced, one of the officers in my company said "Ugh...I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear right now, but I would NEVER date a woman who'd been divorced." How convenient, I thought...because I can't think of a single soul on the planet who would want to date the SOB. What a bastard! The attitude that some in our society have about divorcees is really...well, not even old fashioned...just plain old f*cking stupid. Bottom line, divorce is personal, and even if you absolutely can no longer stand the person you're divorcing, it still sucks. (just ask my pocketbook.) People need to not pity, but not be *ssholes about the subject, either. Considerate. Consideration is good... Peace, Serena

Posted by: Serena at October 20, 2005 01:58 PM (ToHm9)

8 "There's no place like the Vegas Wedding Chapel! There's no place like the Vegas Wedding Chapel There's no place like the Vegas Wedding Chapel!" Heh!? Was that a dig? :-) j/k

Posted by: Clancy at October 20, 2005 02:46 PM (JxYJc)

9 You crack me up! I think divorced woman are better, they have been through all the petty bullshit already and know what is worth the effort of a fight or not. They know what and what not they can actually change in a man etc.... Same with divorced men.

Posted by: justme at October 20, 2005 04:02 PM (M0T3J)

10 " A family with just a mom or just a dad is like that and is worthy of pity (according to dictionary.com)." That is the single biggest piece of mother fucking horseshit I have ever heard in my whole fucking life. For real. What a fucking waste of space the very idea of that sentence is. Like all rubbish hateful marriages should stay together just for the kids because, you know, kids can't sense when their parents hate each other or anything. A single parent family can be just fine, if the parent is loving and kind. Fucking stupid senseless argument. I'm furious.

Posted by: Helen at October 20, 2005 04:31 PM (AbPto)

11 Stop. letting. Angus. pick. the. programming. Other than that, I completely agree with you.

Posted by: Dana at October 20, 2005 07:54 PM (VQW8j)

12 Kinda wished my parents had stayed together. It was very hard on my mom to raise two kids on her own. It was also hard on us not having a full time father role model. My mom did her best but I cant imagine the strain trying to fill both sets of shoes at the same time can do. Perhaps divorce works better when no kids are involved. That way both people can go on and never see each other.

Posted by: drew at October 20, 2005 09:08 PM (IR4lS)

13 ::shaking head:: that's just so WRONG in so many ways. Thanks for pointing it out in your usual elequent way... I won't be watching that program anytime soon. Glad I put away all my brown clothes when I got remarried.

Posted by: sue at October 20, 2005 09:48 PM (WbfZD)

14 Seriously so sick of Solomon's sanctimony. I'm not trying to be alliterative, either--it just works out that way. You have more patience than I do, Helen. I'd have told him to step long ago. This was a great post about a very stupid show. Thank you for proving that a gifted writer can ALWAYS make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

Posted by: ilyka at October 20, 2005 10:21 PM (YtWXH)

15 Oh! And: kids can't sense when their parents hate each other or anything. As I surely don't have to tell Helen but apparently have to tell Saint Solomon, that is the gospel truth. My brother and I used to WISH our parents would divorce. My mother, on her own, is a quiet, thoughtful person, very pleasant to be with. My father, on his own, is a happy-go-lucky, fun-loving person, very pleasant to be with. Together, though, they're poison. And what watching them tear each other apart daily, for years, did to my own ability to enjoy a normal, healthy relationship, I can't even begin to tell you. Dysfunction breeds dysfunction. And don't you dare try to tell me it pleases God for two people who hate each other to stay together for the sake of the children. There is no place for two people screaming at each other, taking the most vile, below-the-belt shots at each other, over the most trivial, banal issues, in heaven. Nor should there be one on earth. So go fuck yourself, Solomon. Go read something that will reinforce that safe little coccoon you inhabit. Assclown.

Posted by: ilyka at October 20, 2005 10:28 PM (YtWXH)

16 Oh Peter - I wish we didn't get that show in Oz but we do (at least in melbourne) it's called "What not to wear" and we've had two series already on free to air without even considering the persistent re-runs on Foxtel. ( In terms of divorce, I'm happily married but the biggest advocate of dicorce I know. Life is not a dress rehearsal and the only thing worse than being in a five year bad marriage is being in a five year and one day bad marriage. No-one wins. The trick is working out how to break up and be adult about it and to not bad mouth each other to the kids. My two cents. Flik x PS In terms of Solomons comments I secocond Ilyka's comments (you tell him girl!)

Posted by: flikka at October 21, 2005 12:52 AM (puvdD)

17 Question... the address on your wishlist - can a postman actually find you with it? I was just looking, curious... and got curious about the address.

Posted by: Hannah at October 23, 2005 06:08 PM (ImQx2)

18 Oh my-I just went back and was reading some of the comments-sometimes commenting early you miss all the good ones. Right on Helen, and right on Ilyka. When my dad was in the worst of his drinking, the only thing I wanted was my parents to divorce. They stayed together, but the "working it out" years were some of the most painful and horrible of my life, and I will always wonder if they should have at least seperated while they both got their shit together. Children sense everything-and if the marriage is unhappy, there is no way to hide it from them. Kids deserve happiness too, and that may be with just a mom, dad, grandparent, two moms or two dads. Marriage and divorce are personal decisions, not open for other's discussions and critiques. Ain't nobody's business except those involved. End of story.

Posted by: Teresa at October 24, 2005 03:25 AM (zf0DB)

19 Hannah-things do find their way to me, yes

Posted by: Helen at October 24, 2005 04:53 AM (xXftC)

20 One of the rare time that the US version of a show is done better. Not that it's that great either...

Posted by: ~Easy at October 24, 2005 09:57 PM (LN5gS)

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