Every girl, woman or lady goes through periods of insecurity.

No really.

We really do.

I don't care who you are-from man-eating Angelina Jolie to the PTA mom next door to the nice shopkeeper with the Dorothy Hamill haircut. We are all of us going to feel a twinge insecure at some point of the day/week/month, and for me this insecurity may come more frequently than most.

Mine, in fact, comes nightly.

Sometimes a few times a night if the red tide is frothing.

We have a routine in this house, and it's a routine that, although based in insecurity, actually has become something of a tradition. It's as though the night isn't normal if I don't do it now. The Kafka dreams could potentially be more rampant should we not go through this.

Every night as we're just in bed, laying on our left sides with his right arm around me and curling me hard to him, I ask him: Tell me something nice.

Now, I am not asking him to tell me about the time he helped a little old lady cross the road. I'm not looking for a description of a cuddly and perfect brood of kittens. I am asking him to tell me something out of what we call the hearts and ponies category, which means: Bring on the romance, baby.

I'm looking for things like: You're the only woman for me. Or another casual standy: I love you more and more everyday. I'll even go for: You da' bomb., although of course Angus doesn't talk that way and I cringe when he tries to put on the American accent.

When we are feeling particularly mushy about each other, we will send each other a text that usually says nothing more than: Ponies. To the casual observer, this may look like we are interested in running our own stable. What it actually means is we are feeling that Hollywood kind of romance for each other, with the crashing waves and string quartet, with visions of green fields and flowers and yes-prancing ponies.

So most nights Angus is left scrambling, having left his defences down. His Insecurity Radar had not detected an incoming enemy craft. His troops were not ready. His war chest was empty.

Last night I did the usual. Tucking his elbow under my breast, I whispered: Tell me something nice.

In response, he tighened his arm around me in a crushing hug, the tight muscles bouncing.

Once I caught my breath, I asked him: That's a cop-out! What does that mean?

He replied: What does what mean?

I giggled. That shaking hug? Is that like: I love you so much? Or: I'm shivering with hypothermia?

He relpied dozily, I love you. I have hypothermia.

And ever since then, I've been stuck with that saying in my head. Now it's not just ponies I get. It's love and hypothermia too.

-H.

PS-Stinks, I just got the hat and the postcard and I love them very much! Now tell me when you might be in town

PPS-Thank you Marie! Yesterday you were my 9000th and 9001st comments!

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:33 AM | Comments (10) | Add Comment
Post contains 528 words, total size 3 kb.

1 In your house it's ponies, in our house it's dogs. (And I just realised that something that innocent can bring up very, very naughty connotations.) P.S. So, have the Brits figured out the identity of the mysterious piano man yet?

Posted by: redsaid at May 19, 2005 11:43 AM (XubM9)

2 Love and hypothermia, eh? At least he's got you to keep him warm. In my house, an especially egregious burp after a well cooked meal says it all, really. :-)

Posted by: Jennifer at May 19, 2005 12:10 PM (MbhV6)

3 "Love & Hypothermia" sound like a blog title. The Wife does something similar. She says "Tell me that..." and I have to finish the sentence with "I love you" or "I want you". Amazing how juvenile we can be at the age of 40, and after 18 years of marriage.

Posted by: ~Easy at May 19, 2005 01:19 PM (PuO20)

4 I'm so glad I'm not the only one asking for ponies.

Posted by: suz at May 19, 2005 03:03 PM (GhfSh)

5 Awww, that is so sweet!

Posted by: j at May 19, 2005 03:10 PM (8/NcC)

6 I had something like that with a past love. I just couldn't believe he really liked me in the beginning. He was so dreamy and I was so not. So for the duration of our 2+ years together, every single day he would find some way to slip in "I really like you." Even when we were long past like and into love, it still made my day every single time.

Posted by: amy t. at May 19, 2005 03:38 PM (zPssd)

7 I so glad and hope it fits! I promise I will be there before teh summer is over. PROMISE, well unless the french government has another go at me...

Posted by: stinkerbell at May 19, 2005 04:32 PM (ZznPv)

8 Would you believe me if I told you some of us men have insecurity problems too? We just find other ways around it. So much for being Mr. Super-Macho.

Posted by: diamond dave at May 19, 2005 09:45 PM (Hg20K)

9 I long for the romantic talk, anything at all...but all I get is "I love you lots and lots" Wow. But at least I get that!

Posted by: Kathy at May 20, 2005 01:57 AM (flb/n)

10 Love and hypothermia. GOD I love that. And they're never ready for the Insecurity Attack when it hits, are they? You'd think there'd be SOME sort of Early Warning System in effect. . . But no. Instead, I get Smart Ass Sassy Mouth. And I love him for it. Most of the time. "I miss you." "Yeah, but your aim will get better." Arrrgh. Love and Hypothermia. I can so relate.

Posted by: Margi at May 20, 2005 07:12 AM (lWAiX)

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