Other areas of my life have seen me coming round to familiar territory again. One of them is in a fraught dialog across the ocean with my family, and the other is with Angus. Angus sent me a few emails last week telling me some things about his feelings and perceptions, and I found I had been so wrapped up in work I'd been losing sight of the important things.

The stereotype is that men forget the romance and get lazy in the routine.

The truth is women do, too.

I've been striding along in my lane, keeping the movement soft and strong, and realized that although life is stressful, it doesn't mean I should ignore my surroundings just because I am trying to run so fast. Passing out in bed from exhaustion every night does not a relationship make. Holding hands over a dinner table won't matter if the dinner table is littered with work documents. So last weekend was a weekend where my mobile phone was on mute. I stayed out of my work emails. I ignored the world.

And it was great.

We spent ages in bed. I went to yoga class wondering if anyone could see my enormous hickey gracing the connection of my neck and my shoulder, revealed by my sports bra. We found our way back to spending ages just kissing, and in kissing, I found out that I had missed it terribly.

We went on a date. We took showers and got nicely dressed and went to a restaurant nearby called the County Arms. The matron was bright and friendly and the little pub was packed with folk easing off the stress of their weeks. We drank red wine and laughed and talked about our days, straying from ideas of work or stress. We shared a dessert tray of ice cream and berries. Our eyes twinkled as we looked at each other again, and I fell back in love with that twinkling feeling.

We had a lovely evening.

And it came to pass that I realized: Dates aren't just for 16 year olds. You can grow old gracefully, but you can do it going out and spending time together. Something about going out and enjoying the presence of your loved one in the company of others is so gratifying it's like a drug. Hey, see this person I am laughing a lot with? Yeah. He's mine and he's great.

And on Sunday we spent the afternoon together. It was time for a hedge trimming, so my personal Picasso got out his barber kit and did some pelvic gardening (and here's something we found-this site is the number one hit on Google for "shave beaver shape". Truly, I've found fame.) We then drank champagne in bed and I read him a quote from Louis de Bernieres who says it better than I ever could:

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like volcanoes and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion...That is just being in love, which any fool can do. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. [We] had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

Looking forward to another date this weekend, babe.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:38 AM | Comments (18) | Add Comment
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1 That is so true. All relationships are dynamic. They change over time because we change over time. They need a little 'hedge trimming' of their own. No matter how long you've been together you still need a date now and then to keep the spark.

Posted by: ~Easy at September 28, 2005 01:32 PM (NL+Vn)

2 Im so jealous.

Posted by: That Girl at September 28, 2005 01:36 PM (gu1Ur)

3 What a lovely quote. I do believe my Husband and I need to have a date soon. Thanks for the kick back to reality.

Posted by: Jennifer at September 28, 2005 02:17 PM (lHvU3)

4 A fabulous quote; he said it better than I have ever head it explained before. Do you mind if I steal it? I will credit you. I miss those kinds of dates; at my age they don't happen often. We are too settled into our recliners and fighting over the remote controls....lol.

Posted by: kenju at September 28, 2005 02:30 PM (+AT7Y)

5 That is such a beautiful quote. Thanks for sharing that!

Posted by: donna at September 28, 2005 02:52 PM (Lylg2)

6 I think as we grow older and our wants and needs change so do the people we date and spend time with. I often envy people of my Grandparents era that were married for 30 yrs or more. I often wonder how many people from our generation make it that long or over time change and fall out of love.

Posted by: drew7203 at September 28, 2005 04:29 PM (CBlhQ)

7 Wow you have perfect timing lol. I have (we)been in such a funk pining for the early day bliss of our relationship(going on five years)lately. Thanks I needed reminding!

Posted by: justme at September 28, 2005 04:45 PM (RPyFS)

8 Very pretty, Stranger. Your mental juices are bubbling over.

Posted by: Old Horsetail Snake at September 28, 2005 04:45 PM (acLa9)

9 That was just beautiful. You put a smile on my face, thank you.

Posted by: Melissa at September 28, 2005 05:33 PM (KfYqZ)

10 And dating someone you live with is SO much easier than that First Date Watusi that I loathe so much. Last weekend, The Boy was spending the night with his buddies so DH and I went out and had dinner and then bought a crib. (LOL!) It is what you make it, methinks. ;o) Thank you for the de Bernieres quote: I'm so sending it to my DH. It's SO - OO - OO true. Here's to dating!

Posted by: Margi at September 28, 2005 08:45 PM (nwEQH)

11 It must be something in the autumn air. I have recently fell in love all over again with my husband. Holding hands, kissing (for hours), cuddling, and so much more, all like it was the first time. I am glad you took time out to find each other again. It works wonders for the soul.

Posted by: Teresa at September 28, 2005 09:43 PM (zf0DB)

12 How lovely. I, too, am in love with my Hubby and find it refreshing to have a date night once in awhile. When we get home, I always tease him that I have to go inside before my "husband" sees him. Then we giggle like teenagers. Dumb, but effective. Thanks for sharing. I like it when you sound happy. You don't seem happy often enough, hon...

Posted by: sue at September 28, 2005 10:33 PM (WbfZD)

13 It's such a bonus to be in love with the person you're with. I was just writing about this! Your weekend sounds lovely. And dates - time out for the relationship - are great anytime!

Posted by: Kathy at September 29, 2005 01:56 AM (flb/n)

14 Hedge trimming. Tree roots. This country life is really getting into you.

Posted by: Simon at September 29, 2005 08:50 AM (UKqGy)

15 You know what, you're so right. I gotta do this too. I tend to put blinders on under stress. I'll make it point this weekend. Kenju recommended you site. I'm glad I stopped by! Here via Michele via kenju.

Posted by: Free to Be at September 30, 2005 06:55 PM (2X70h)

16 Hello Helen, I come here from a referral from JustAskJudy and your quote in the above post. I wanted to thank you for putting it out there to be found - it has helped me make a decision today that I have been battling for over a month now - the idea of letting go and letting "love" stay in it's place if possible..... my personal blog is here, the blog spot is my alternate "fun" self... Thanks again! And love grows where you walk! Doug. http://blog.myspace.com/bdvsteegh

Posted by: doug at October 01, 2005 01:55 AM (6mUkl)

17 That was a fabulous post, and the quote was perfect. Thank you for sharing it; it's beautiful. Here via Kenju.

Posted by: catherine at October 01, 2005 03:42 AM (J1KMd)

18 hi! kenju recommended you so just had to hop on over. am so glad i did. kudos to you and your loved one for keeping the love alive in a world slowly forgetting how to do so.

Posted by: ribbiticus at October 01, 2005 08:09 PM (1y1ka)

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