Yesterday when the surgery rang up to tell me they had an appointment for me, I was amazed. Why? Because most doctors just send a letter to a specialist. Once the specialist's admin has read the letter and left it in the in-tray, the specialist may get to it at some point. When they do, I hear from them that they can meet me, how about October 22, 2030, from 9:10-9:12?

But Dr. Henry actually called the specialist and got me that appointment, and for that, Dr. Henry will be my doctor forever. If he retires, I will become stalker patient, camping out on his porch. "Dr. Henry! Dr. Henry! I am bleeding out of my eyes! Stop watching old Eastenders reruns and diagnose me! Dr. Heeeeeeeeenry!"

He amazed me.

I had to call my private health insurance company to get clearance to see the specialist. I rang up and was put through to Amanda.

"What's the nature of your problem?" Amanda asked.

"I need to see a gastroenterologist." I reply, sitting on the floor of the study.

"Why?"

I wonder about this one. "Because I am sick." I explain, as though she is six and doesn't understand that when Mommy is sick Mommy goes to the doctor.

"Yes but what's the problem?" she asks brusquely.

"Why, are you a doctor?" I want to ask. But I am not that brave, as Amanda has control of my insurance and is key to hopefully getting the good drugs when a big hosepipe is pulled up my ass, so I just stammer until she says: "What is it? Bleeding from the rectum?"

What? That's option number 1? Seriously? When someone calls and says they need to see a gastroenterologist, option 1 is to ask them if they have anal bleeding? That's top of the list, let's just rip out the "bleeding from the butt" idea? Am I living in a nation of people, all of them with hemoglobin secretly leaking out of their anus? I mean, I know the English have a stereotype that they are repressed, but does their repression mean that they are all quietly running around with maxi pads in their shorts to soak up?

I confirm that it is the problem. I can hear her nodding on the phone to herself, priding herself for getting it right. Maybe she can actually hear me bleeding. Maybe she has bat ears and can detect the sound of dripping rectal blood from 2 counties away.

Amazing.

I bunk off work to buy groceries and a few winter clothes. I peruse the new winter section and am drawn to colors for once-bright, happy, enigmatic colors. I come home with a purple and black striped skirt and a skirt that is so orange that immolated Buddhist monks would be jealous. It's so orange it's nearly fluorescent. It's completely uncharacteristic of anything I would buy but once I saw it I had to have it. I then go to the grocery store, where the checkout woman takes notice of every single thing I am buying, including stopping the process to read the back of the book I picked up.

Then she flipped through it.

Me and my orange incandescent skirt? We were amazed.

Angus makes me dinner, as he made me lunch, too. We are having bland food (but good food), mushroom soup for lunch and pasta for dinner. He is being very sweet, and I am reminded that sometimes, simple nice gestures like calling a specialist and making dinner can make one's day.

-H.

PS-I realized that I had been lax about pulling down work-related posts after 24 hours. As I am keen to vent but not keen to be found by any colleagues, if you ever stopped by and wondered why posts sometimes disappear, this is why. This was further driven home when our mail server went mad and a mail Angus sent his ex on their house selling details was accidentally sent from the default account, which is my everydaystranger account. I was so terrified she would find this site that I was pulling work-related posts as maniacally as a Barry Manilow fan without her knickers. Luckily, his ex thought my email was a virus and permanently deleted it without further ado. Speaks volumes, really.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:15 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
Post contains 726 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Hi Helen, I read you blog and thought, nah this isn't one I'm going to comment on, TMI,but when i found your Purple & black striped skirt and one sooo Orange etc. OK you've bought 'em now don't forget to wear 'em!!!!

Posted by: Peter at October 18, 2005 11:24 AM (Hr7pf)

2 Hooray for bright colors! I have these visuals in my head of the styles of each skirt, and I must say, you'll look fabulous in them! (Of course, my internal visuals are probably all wrong! Still, I'm sure you'll look like a million bucks!) And WHEW! for the ex thinking everydaystranger was viral! Close call, that one!

Posted by: scorpy at October 18, 2005 12:52 PM (t0XZ+)

3 I'm still thinking about Dr. Henry and what a one-of-a-kind doc he is!! wow! He is a keeper... wish he were here. I hate my doc... grrrr...

Posted by: sue at October 18, 2005 02:46 PM (WbfZD)

4 The purple & black striped/orange skirt purchases coincide nicely with the nearing of Halloween. Me thinks it is a part of you longing for a good old fashioned American Halloween that purchased those skirts. They sound fabulous-I would love to see how you put it all together with your other great pieces/accesories-you have such a fantastic style!

Posted by: Teresa at October 18, 2005 04:05 PM (zf0DB)

5 Today was my third experience with colooscopy. And was alomost enjoyable- I think. My sedation consisted of Versed(marvelous drug) and the coup d' grace "Milk of Amnesia" AKA diprvan (Propofol)http://www.diprivan.com/sedation/science.asp?shownav=sedation. One hopes the specialist will treat youa little MOA Wearing your new outfit will start the day off right. My best.

Posted by: foggy at October 18, 2005 08:50 PM (e8Uwf)

6 Helen - Hope your ass stops bleeding soon.

Posted by: SaraJane at October 18, 2005 09:25 PM (lvhnO)

7 Helen, I think I would wear that orange skirt with pride! Looks as if viruses are worth something after all, thank whomever for that. And gie your doc a big hug (or maybe a virtual one), he is definitely a keeper.

Posted by: kenju at October 18, 2005 09:34 PM (+AT7Y)

8 Whew, close call! One of the reasons I started a gmail account. This way I can control when I'm signing in and out of the mail. No mail can accidentally get in there! So glad your doctor is human and on top of things. I really hope it's something that's just nothing! You must be going nuts. I hear your frustration with work and it definitely manifests itself in your body and your health. Hugs to Angus for taking care of you, and hugs to you for taking care of yourself! My thoughts are with you.

Posted by: Kathy at October 18, 2005 11:54 PM (flb/n)

9 I sometimes pull posts as well. But I ALWAYS keep a copy on my hard drive---just in case I die suddenly and someone wants to really know how I feel about them. My husband has instructions to pass out these deleted posts at my funeral. I know, I'm am not kind. But, oh well.

Posted by: Marie at October 19, 2005 01:12 AM (6QiLy)

10 I have had similar problems. Surgery is easy part. Had to soak that part of my body four times a day and after each bodily function. Also put me on Citrical (sp) (fiber). Told me to take the fiber daily and I would never see him again. Suggest u start taking the daily soaks and maybe avoid the surgery. There is a great lose of dignity in the whole affair. This becomes a public affair if you need to sit on a donut throughout the day.

Posted by: iowaslovak at October 19, 2005 01:53 AM (i/5Q1)

11 Marie, I agree-I keep copies

Posted by: Helen at October 19, 2005 07:27 AM (AbPto)

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