My apathy with work is stunning right now. Since last Wednesday and then the return from Monaco (which I will be blogging about once I get my head back on), I simply haven't been motivated. 180 emails in the inbox? And? At the end of the day 18 voice mails? So what?

I have also been incredibly forgetful. I promise to send someone an email about something then completely forget about it, waking up at 2 am thinking Fuck me, I forgot to send that email! which I then race up to send first thing in the morning. I will start writing things down. I will start getting my head on straight again. I will start to try to care.

It hasn't been easy. Yesterday I took 7 hours out of my day to ride a train to Ipswich for a one hour meeting, and enjoyed a 45 minute stop on the tracks on the way back in a train with no AC and no opening windows. And it's about 90 degrees Farenheit here right now, so it was really like sitting inside a great big shiny bullet while enjoying rivers of sweat down my back and neck.

Life has me wondering. I wonder when Angus and I can go away next. I wonder if Angus will buy me that ring I like (please, Angus? Pretty please?) I wonder if we will get a house and I wonder when it will happen. I wonder if Best Friend and K will calm down and love each other's company as much as I think they can, and push aside the ragged demons of their pasts. I wonder what Angus and I will do this summer (besides not attend Live8 as we didn't get tickets. Curse you and your altruistic kindness Bob Geldof! Curse you! And since when did ebay become the moral majority instead of a business? Am I missing something?)

I just don't give a fuck right now. My head hurts and I just want to sleep all the time. The sun is out and I want to sit in it and not miss a second of the sunshine. I want to IM with friends and I want to read blogs and I want to let it all go.

In the meantime, I offer a visual piece of my life. You know. Cause the literary side isn't so hot just now.

This is the view from my desk. Observe the many orchids (which Angus is sick of, so likely no more of those for a while). Ignore the overflowing in-tray.

This is an antique rack that hangs on our kitchen wall. The assortment of things on it all have a meaning for us, something small or interesting that we have picked up. The top shelf has an antique light bulb that Angus nicked from his old school before parts of it were demolished. The pitcher next to it is an enamel, turn-of-the-century working family's pitcher that I bought because I love holding things that supplied someone else's lives (brace yourself Elizabeth and Jen! I'm in love with these!) There is a candle and then an antique pint jar for milk, the kind that deliverymen used to use, then a watering can.

The second shelf is our boring eating ware. Plain white. Vanilla. We're boring.

The third shelf has many treasures-a painted tile from Venice. Three ducks from a Scottish company called Dragon Pottery that I have fallen deeply in love with. An empty glass yogurt jar from France, 10 antique Elnglish copper pennies called tuppence, and then the glass jar from the 1920's that I found under the stairs in Angus' and my first house together, then a Swedish crystal bowl I bought when Angus and I were in Sweden to get my lovely girls last November.

This is a close-up of the ducks. I fucking love those things, something about them speaks to that inner child in me, and since my inner child and I have never been close I just have to try to speak to my inner child any chance I get. Making up for lost time and all.

In my kitchen window sits another antique enamel pitcher which I keep filled with fresh flowers-this time sunflowers. And next to it is another Scottish Dragon Pottery special, this time a sheep. If you look out the back window you can see the bamboo poles which I am growing sweet peas up. I feel very proud of those sweet peas.

And on those nice days when I get to work from home wearing pajamas and drinking copious amounts of coffee, I am often graced with the presence of my assistant Maggie. She's rubbish at bringing me coffee but if a fly gets in the way, she's great at helping me re-organize my desk.

I am so thankful every damn day for my wonderful cats.

And finally, since I have likely bored you with my workplace depression and my penchance for pottery barnyard animals and working man antiques, I give you the action shot.

Ladies and gentlemen-The Hand Herpes.

Go on. Tell me that rash turned you on. Makes you want to run right out for a hand job, doesn't it?

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:00 AM | Comments (21) | Add Comment
Post contains 908 words, total size 6 kb.

1 Petal, your poor hand! You have the cutest cat though! Abs x

Posted by: abs at June 24, 2005 10:12 AM (+gJH8)

2 I thought you were calling it the shingles? I have to say your house (or the snippets thereof) looks lovely. Very homey and very very english ;-)

Posted by: Rob at June 24, 2005 11:11 AM (kXZI6)

3 yes we damn Bob Geldof together.... Picture parade is lovely. After everything with work, you deserve the time down. More than anyone I know! and for your ever loving kindness and wonderment... I'll shake your herpes hand any day Now to go hyperventilate in that brown bag between my knees

Posted by: stinkerbell at June 24, 2005 12:13 PM (ZznPv)

4 NOT ME!! I ain't shaking no hands with herpes with herpes on it...cyber friend or no cyber friend. In fact, I'm typing with rubber gloves on right now You can never be too careful you know. The "boring" posts are part of being cyber friends. Just like every conversation and outing with in-person friends isn't lively, eventful, and action-packed; neither should every post or comment. The non-lively ones might be where we get to know you more intimately. I enjoy your lively, funny posts exceedingly; but I enjoy the low-key ones as well. Just keep blogging It's fun to hang out with you and your other friends. That reminds me, did Best Friend ever start up his own blog?

Posted by: Solomon at June 24, 2005 01:07 PM (k1sTy)

5 My bad. I meant to type "THE herpes" and ended up putting "with herpes" twice. Please pretend I typed it the right way when you read it. It'll make it funnier if you do...or at least it'll make it make sense.

Posted by: Solomon at June 24, 2005 01:11 PM (k1sTy)

6 DO you have a link for the duck company. I know someone who would love those. Hope you have a good weekend.

Posted by: Drew at June 24, 2005 01:39 PM (CBlhQ)

7 I'm on board with Solomon here, these low-key posts are the ones that make me feel like I'm getting to know you. Does it scare you that all of these strangers consider themselves to be your friends? When I was a kid, my older sister had a penpal in Russia. He would send her records and I was insanely jealous. You're not Russian and you don't send me records, so it's not exactly the same thing. But you do show me pictures of the herpes and antique light bulbs. Somewhere, someone is pea green with envy and insanely jealous of me.

Posted by: Lindsay at June 24, 2005 02:01 PM (9AP/4)

8 Drew-I wish I did, but they are a wholesaler only. I buy their things at a gallery called the Strawberry Fish Gallery, which is about the best name I can think of. Lindsay-If I ever come across any Russian records, I swear-they are coming your way.

Posted by: Helen at June 24, 2005 02:09 PM (t0Yic)

9 Oh Helen, touch me there.

Posted by: Ms. Pants at June 24, 2005 02:20 PM (PQfF5)

10 Yuck. Cool.

Posted by: Marie at June 24, 2005 03:24 PM (PQxWr)

11 Ok, while I'm sure you don't want the hand herpes....on your hand, it doesn't look near as bad as I pictured it in my head. But all the same, I hope it goes away soon.

Posted by: sporty at June 24, 2005 03:32 PM (NsnoE)

12 Uhmm...I'll pass on the hand job. Unless you're abidexterous...;-) The boring day-to-day posts are all I've been doing of late. My life just lacks excitement. I love the pictures. they really are worth a thousand words. Or at least a couple of hundred, anyway.

Posted by: ~Easy at June 24, 2005 04:40 PM (muLIB)

13 Looking out your window made me so homesick for England that I'm nearly in tears. Thank you for letting us into your home. You have such a welcoming and generous soul! Love, Elizabeth The Founder and one of the Candle-Holders of the Helen Admiration Society and Society for the Prevention of Hand Herpes to Ducks

Posted by: Elizabeth at June 24, 2005 05:58 PM (+OvEk)

14 Looks more like impatiego to me, not the herpes. Not sure if I spelt it right, but thats how it sounds anyway. My son had it once and I asked the doc how does one get this? He laughed and told me that, hes a 9 year old dirty little boy, he just needs to wash his hands more. So um, maybe after all those hand jobs, you should wash better? LOL.And Angus has it too! You guys have been busy! Ok I will stop now lol.

Posted by: justme at June 24, 2005 09:38 PM (xQxDu)

15 i love your rash! I got a beautiful one with lumpy bumps on my neck and arms from all the wonderful calcium deposits in the water in Paris. It's like we match.

Posted by: calla at June 24, 2005 09:59 PM (kAw5u)

16 They always told me it would make me go blind. Never mentioned a rash...

Posted by: Jim at June 25, 2005 02:53 AM (oqu5j)

17 Dear Helen Truly honoured. Thanks for the visit to my lowly blog! I was just in England 2 weeks ago, enjoying the lovely sunshine. There is really nothing quite as wonderful as the English summertime. Those 3 days in June/July, that is. Next time I'll perhaps take you up on your offer. I'm in a similar line of business, coincidentally!

Posted by: Bore at June 25, 2005 07:52 AM (YxsqB)

18 I love the ducks... there's just something sweet and elegant and child like and curious about them, all at once! By the way, my new address is www.confuzzled.nl!

Posted by: Hannah at June 25, 2005 08:21 AM (DlnyL)

19 Pictures like these, well besides the hand herpes...erm shingles...make me miss England even more than I normally do. I will be local in a month (for a month) yay!

Posted by: Juls at June 25, 2005 02:09 PM (8gbv2)

20 Cute house! And I'm with you on the apathy...

Posted by: Snidget at June 27, 2005 03:03 AM (YR771)

21 Oh that looks so owie! I hope it clears up soon! Also I read an article that EBay yanked all the g8 tickets. Untrue? I've found that this time of year tends towards aparthy for some reason.

Posted by: dani at June 27, 2005 02:08 PM (iJe7b)

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