TV is of critical importance to me.

I'm not eschewing the need for books. I go through 2-3 books a week but perhaps as a card-carrying American, I feel the need to have a TV. People with no televisions are not artsy in my world-they are strange, lost in a generation gap that somehow swallows up the past 60 years, or just generally need to get over their bad artsy selves and admit that the box can be as good a lover as any.

Sometimes better.

I'm just saying.

As an American in England-land, I am pleased to say that we even took it one step further and installed satellite TV. Satellite TV. That means there is always something on, unless you count early insomnia driven Saturday mornings or times when Angus is around, because while we are compatible on many, many levels, we don't align on TV shows (that's TV programmes to you, darling.)

Case in point-on Sunday morning before the posh party lunch we were watching a show Angus enjoys called How Is It Made?, which tells you how they make anything from honey roasted peanuts to fiberglass boats to bubblegum (the bubblegum part, however, was actually very interesting). I think I lost my will to live somewhere around the time they showed how the inside of a dryer is made. The words "This applies to my life how, exactly?" booted around in my head a good dozen times as the narrator talked with wonder about the inside dryer barrel.

So we tend to diverge on TV, and thus my favorite thing to do is to record my shows on DVD (we have a DVD recorder, too. Satellite, a plasma screen, surround sound and a DVD recorder/player. It's like a digital orgasm in our living room.) and watch them when Angus isn't around. For reasons why, see the Lost description below.

My current favorite shows are Grey's Anatomy and Lost. I watch Grey's Anatomy and think-Dude. Doctor McDreamy. I remember you in that movie where you had to pay that blond chick to date you and make you cool, and you rode a tractor, and I thought you were an idiot yet you have a fantastic career and I so want to have wild naked monkey sex with you...and whatever happened to that blond chick? Wasn't she on some kind of angsty 80's yuppie highly acclaimed TV show that inevitably starred Peter Horton and asked us to examine our inner child with crystals and healing light?

I also love me some Grey's Anatomy. I know it's not remotely realistic. I know it's not. I've had a few surgeries in my lifetime to know that while they all seem to have the bitchy attitude of Sandra Oh's character, none of them have ever been anywhere near as cute as that cast of characters (not even my Scottish gastroenterologist, who I thought was nice and average looking until she told me she just loves scoping nice clean bowels. Talk about off-putting.) But while we are very far behind here in England (so please, no one give it away!) I have a feeling McDreamy will choose his scary looking but remarkably pleasant ex-wife over the oddly fish-lipped Meredith. Scary baby-eating ex-wife has a soul (note to self: remember that "I screwed your best friend to get your attention" defense) and somehow, I almost like her (bizarre best-friend screwing defense aside).

But we just had the episode where Dr. Burke crawls in bed with his emotionally frozen just-ectopiced pregnancy girlfriend (like I said, we are behind here). And Dr. Burke is a big, burning hot hunk of man. So ABC, please do not ever dress Dr. Burke in clothes that could be construed with the time period in which Dr. Burke would utter the words "love machine" or "can you dig it, baby?" m'kay? The polyester turtleneck and bad jacket are SO OVER.

I am also a huge fan of Lost. We are still in Season 1 here, and Angus tried to watch the first episode with me but the part where a guy got sucked into the engine was nearly too much for him. There was the kind of indignant shouting at the TV that generally occurs whenever there's a car chase scene on TV ("What, so now it's going to burst into a fireball, isn't it? Go ahead! Explode the car! Go ahead, you know you will! AHA! See! Useless wankers!"). I was able to keep him in the room, despite the man-into-turbine suckage, but when the polar bear showed up it was a step too far for him and he outright hates the show now.

And in some ways I understand-there are elements of the show that I hate. I hate that the Kate chick is always looking wistfully into the sea as though the answer lies just over that wave...no, that wave...no that one. I hate the fact that everyone is so nuts about Charlie because of his dreamy English accent when-hello?-it's bordering on perverted. How can anyone find a hobbit dreamy, isn't that like some kind of weird and pervy elf porn, to lust after a hobbit? Imagine the Dr. Scholl's intake that would be needed. I hate that I can't decide if Locke is so cool I want to love him up or if he's really the Antichrist. I hate that no one seems to be having sex on that island-isn't that what grown-ups do when there's nothing else going on? I hate that half of them are half-shaven and you know there's going to be an outright bitchfight over the last tube of toothpaste, as in someone will die. That's not even thinking about the tampon shortage that's bound to occur, especially once the women learn that palm fronds? Not so absorbant after all. It's going to have to be re-named "Island of Funky Beaver" when it comes to that point.

But there's a lot of it I like, enough of it to keep me glued to my seat in anticipation each week. I have only missed one episode of it, and I confess I need to get my Dr. Jack fix on a weekly basis. It's just as well I do, as they haven't started showing the second season of Desperate Housewives here yet, so for all I know Zack's gunned down everyone on Wisteria Lane and is running an organ donation scam while his teenage bride Julie is pregnant and enjoying the remarkable career she has as a dental hygenist.

I was watching Weeds for a while, as I would switch teams for Mary Louise Parker, but I started to go off it. Angus and I watched a depressing but great miniseries called Auschwitz which ran last year and then again this year. They ran a reality show here called The F***king Fulfords, about a repugnant and thoroughly digusting git of a Lord and his tumbling down castle. He's so miserable, they gave him a spin-off series (don't take offense, last week's episode was called "Why England is F***ked"). We were huge fans of a great show that I think only ran here in the UK called Love Soup, an uncomfortable comedy (but not as toe-curling uncomfortable as The Office, that was a whole new level) about two lovelorn people (an Englishwoman working in a cosmetics shop and an American comedy writer) who dated all the wrong people on their way to finding each other...then the series ended and, of course, they didn't find each other.

In case you were looking for more depression.

And I have to confess-I am a closet fan of Extreme Makeover-Home Edition. Even though Ty and his megaphone get on my very last fucking nerve and Connie the Wonder Wuss always sobs about how blessed everyone is, I enjoy it. Even though every time they make a 7 year-old girl a pink cowgirl fairy princess Barbie pony room I smack my head and think: In 4 years that child is going to hunt you down and punish you for that tiara-shaped bed, I love that show. Angus can't stand the shouting they do, and the fact that when the people see their re-made home they invariably jump up and down screaming "Oh my God! Oh my God! Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod!" and cry like mad (Angus does a good impersonation of said moment which I like to call "The Demented Leprechaun"). I find that part endearing, after all, in England they don't have the show (for good reason, as we have a running joke that an English family would perhaps be more reserved, and would, after the politely clapping neighborhood ceased their ruckus and asked kindly: "Bus driver? I say...could you please move that bus? You could? Yes, thanks very much indeed.", the family would smile kindly and nod to Ty. "Yes," said polite family says politely. "I do think that this abode will do very well indeed. Jolly good. Rather."

See, there's just no need for that kind of outpouring of emotion.

So when the Americans go nuts and jump around and scream and cry, I laugh.

And if Angus isn't in the room, I tear up myself but please don't tell him that.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:46 AM | Comments (29) | Add Comment
Post contains 1545 words, total size 9 kb.

1 I am enthralled by Lost, seriously! Can't remember when I was last transfixed by a TV show. Watching it with a 'Dragon Slayer' type man is amusing though as he muttered through the first 4 episodes about them not finding water quick enough or sorting out the dead bodies before all getting struck down with something dodgy. And how HE would have done things differently if he were Jack or would he be Sawyer? Anyways, keep watching it gets better and better. And S2 ep 9 still no one has mentioned tampons!

Posted by: Mia at December 06, 2005 09:29 AM (TWkRE)

2 Case in point-on Sunday morning before the posh party lunch we were watching a show Angus enjoys called How Is It Made? Oh damn. MAKE THEM EXPORT THAT HERE. I would be so hooked. It would make last year's Desperate Housewives addiction pale by comparison. Those are my favorite kinds of shows on Home & Garden television and there aren't enough of them. There are too many interior design shows instead. But I can only watch so many women coo about how brilliant it was of them to choose the crimson accent wall as the perfect counterpoint to hubby's trophy display case, while ALSO complementing the overall Tuscan theme of the "space" (it's never just a room anymore, it's always a space now) before I fwow up. I tend to dislike most TV but not because I'm arty. It's because I'm cranky and I have a hard time not talking back to the television in a very grouchy way, and people hate this when they're trying to enjoy their "favourite programmes." My parents are hooked on this depressing detective show called Cold Case, and that show is the chief reason I'm grateful I can't exactly pop over for Sunday dinners anymore. I found it very difficult not to yell at the screen constantly when that one was on. And it was always on. It was part of their Sunday ritual: We go to church, we cook a pot roast, and we watch the Cold Case. KILL ME. Sorry to ramble. But I want to watch this show Angus likes! I want to find out How It Is Made! Trust me, even the dryer barrel episode would beat hell out of Cold Case.

Posted by: ilyka at December 06, 2005 10:43 AM (c0ZqE)

3 digital orgasm is right... what I wouldnt give to haev the ability to DVD record from satellite tv... I havent seen one ounce of any of the shows you mentioned! Green with jealousy I am (and sounding like freaking Yoda too...) Anyways I am off to my corner to watch... French television... or REALLY old US television dubbed into French. Its grand I tell you grand! or should I sing La Vie Est Belle??

Posted by: stinkerbell at December 06, 2005 11:42 AM (QcMkT)

4 A belly laugh before breakfast is just the ticket, Helen, and now you have given me several! I too watch Dr. Dreamy and the Island of the Funky Beavers. I agree with your every point. What I want to know is: How come that fat guy has not lost a pound since they landed on the island? Woldn't you think that he'd shed at least a few since there are no burgers and fries around? Methinks he's made it to "Hamburger in Paradise" in Honolulu a few too many times while filming. I had to quit watching the home makeover shows. The megaphone got to me and the sappy sobs of the "workers" are just so ad nauseum. I don't care for all the theme bedrooms either, and I have thought the same thing - that the kids are going to rebel in about 3-4 years and hate their rooms.

Posted by: kenju at December 06, 2005 01:36 PM (+AT7Y)

5 I'm so jealous of your TV setup! I was all excited because I finally got DVR over the weekend, and it's fabulous. I don't know how I ever lived without it. I don't watch Lost (although all of my coworkers tell me I should), but I adore Grey's Anatomy. Love it! I used to love Desperate Housewives, but Grey's kicked it out of the park this season!

Posted by: Erin at December 06, 2005 01:43 PM (BuifH)

6 I agree with Mia, I'm just waiting for the cramps to hit Kate. Maybe S2 ep 10 will hold more joy for us. Or maybe, the mystery of the island means that women stop bleeding. I mean hey, Lock can walk again right? Anything could happen! I do love make-over shows though. They're a secret addiction...

Posted by: lemurgirl at December 06, 2005 01:43 PM (YcruH)

7 I think that love/hate relationship with the characters and events in LOST is exactly what the writers were aiming for. Like posing a mystery and never telling you the answer, just moving on to another story. You keep watching, sure that some day, surely they will clarify SOMETHING.

Posted by: bigdocmcd at December 06, 2005 03:26 PM (HZ6o7)

8 Kenju, Angus walked into the living room while I was watching "Lost" just last night and asked the very same question about Hurley. Then he had to leave again when he saw another airplane in the trees which, of course once it fell out of the trees, was ensued with him screaming at the TV "Blow up! Just blow up! You know that plane's going to blow up! I hate this show!"

Posted by: Helen at December 06, 2005 03:35 PM (JcLe3)

9 OMG, you just crack me up!

Posted by: justme at December 06, 2005 03:43 PM (MYlch)

10 I don't watch any of those shows. (Ain't I a stinker?) But I'd rather watch the TV you get over there. Ilyka will kill me, but I'm more addicted to all of the detective, reality, and "cold case" shows. (Not the actual show "Cold Case," but their reality show counterparts on CourtTV, A&E and the obscure higher-number channels.) I never know what's on broadcast TV any more. But I keep telling DH we'd be The Cool Kids and we could discuss these things if we had a DVR. He's not falling for it. Damnit.

Posted by: Margi at December 06, 2005 04:03 PM (nwEQH)

11 Ha! I can so relate to all of this. I too am obsessed with Lost. The bf and I watched the entire first season on dvd and got hooked. I won't give anything away about what I've seen so far on season 2, but i will tell you that there is some sex. :-) and i also love me some dr. jack. *sigh* I feel the same way about Mary Louise Parker, and I thought Weeds sounded like a great premise, but the show was disappointing and I stopped watching. Right now I'm most excited about Project Runway. And I have to say that dvr's are awesome! I love to fast-forward commercials and see my favorite shows when I darn feel like it. I often wonder how I survived without it. :-) Yeah, this artsy girl likes some good old-fashioned tv entertainment along with her art making and book reading, thank you very much. xoxoxo

Posted by: kat at December 06, 2005 04:04 PM (xJGrF)

12 p.s. ilkya, they do have a show like how's it made in the states. i believe it's called unwrapped. my bf loves it. :-)

Posted by: kat at December 06, 2005 04:06 PM (xJGrF)

13 I have to agree with Angus on the "How It's Made" type of shows. I absolutely adore it. There was an episode once about how toilets are made and it was seriously fascinating. And Blowpops! I know how Blowpops are made. I'm a little bit addicted to Grey's Anatomy myself. Dr. McDreamy is definitely on my "free pass" list. He has been since Loverboy and he always will be. He's just so adorable. I still watch Lost every week but I'm getting a little bit burned out. I can't remember when in the first season a "certain event" happened that upset me, so I won't ruin it for you..but I'm still scarred. Also, I just don't get the Dr. Jack attraction. He always looks perplexed and put out about everything. One more dramatic sigh from him and I'll drown him in one of Kate's waves.

Posted by: Lindsay at December 06, 2005 04:21 PM (bW9IA)

14 Tell Angus to email me and Ill explain why the polar bear is there. I recently read a possible explanation for Lost and sadly, it made complete sense of everything, so it's probably the right answer. Im pissed at Greys because they killed a patient who has the same disease as my son only my son was in worse condition than their patient so it made me cry and cry and cry. I would also like to point out that their hair looks really really good despite the fact that NO COMBS OR BRUSHES SURVIVED THE CRASH. This was pointed out a long time ago, yet no one remarks on it - out of sheer tangle desperation I would have to shave my head yet every woman on the show has long, gorgeous hair. A warning - the first few desperate housewives s2 sucked - they get better.

Posted by: That Girl at December 06, 2005 04:27 PM (QzfsY)

15 justaskjudy steered me over here today and I'm sure glad she did...VERY FUNNY post...I do watch Grey's Anatomy sometimes...nmot Lost all that much....I LOVED WEEDS...and I never watch the makeover show...not sure why, but I LOVE reading your comments on one and all!

Posted by: OldOldLady Of The Hills at December 06, 2005 04:47 PM (Iq6yz)

16 Angus is missing the point about _Lost_ . Everything that's happening is impossible. That's the point. A man shouldn't get sucked into an engine turbine, but then the engine shouldn't have still been running. Hell, there shouldn't have been any survivors, much less two groups from the same plane! The polar bear, (and other animals you'll see later) the mystery of the hatch, the signifigance of the numbers, and the intertwining of the lives of all of the plane's passengers prior to the flight is what makes _Lost_ one of the best shows ever made. Period. I'm with him on the car explosions, though. It pisses me off when they do that too.

Posted by: ~Easy at December 06, 2005 05:23 PM (LN5gS)

17 You need to find someone that really likes you on this side of the pond and get weekly DVDs to keep you up to date on the current season, Helen.

Posted by: Dave at December 06, 2005 07:50 PM (n7v1S)

18 Well I don't have a tv but it's more borne out of laziness--my roomie and I moved into a place with no tv and after one attempt to purchase a cheap one we shrugged our shoulders in indifference. Also I've replaced it with my computer and a steady supply of DVDs. The "How Is It Made?" show sounds a guarantee soul-sucker. Great post, Kenju sent me over.

Posted by: Arethusa at December 06, 2005 09:59 PM (3evXL)

19 WHAT?!? There are two groups from the same plane? WHAT?!?!?!

Posted by: Helen at December 06, 2005 10:41 PM (JcLe3)

20 Uh, oh, someone let the cat out of the bag! Shame on you ~Easy!

Posted by: kenju at December 07, 2005 01:35 AM (+AT7Y)

21 Kat, I love Unwrapped, but they only do food. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Oh, no indeedy, no there isn't. Yum.

Posted by: ilyka at December 07, 2005 09:54 AM (c0ZqE)

22 Shame on you Easy! Shhhhhhhhh As for Hurly, he has lost weight, it just takes a little while to show up ....... just like in real life. Talking of real life .... I was talking to a friend about the show yesterday and said something like "do you know what X does in real life" she just laughed at me, what I meant of course is have you seen what X did before she got to the island. Because of course it is all real you know!!

Posted by: Mia at December 07, 2005 11:10 AM (uhIsz)

23 OMG someone had sex on Lost? Who, when? Dang I think I must have missed a episode! Now I am going to have to go the the website!

Posted by: justme at December 07, 2005 02:42 PM (MYlch)

24 Sctatch that. Now I remember! But I won't give it away

Posted by: justme at December 07, 2005 02:44 PM (MYlch)

25 Helen, if you're interested in getting ahead of yourself in the World of lost then there's a fabulous livejournal site. it's, www.livejournal.com/community/lost_eps ... you can download them all! The only problem is you're liable to get hooked and wander round the house muttering to yourself, "must have lost, must have lost, must have lost..." Thigs do get explained, but there's still a hell of a lot of mystery dagnabbit! AxXx

Posted by: lemurgirl at December 07, 2005 03:40 PM (YcruH)

26 Oops!! Sorry. I tend to forget what happened in the first season and the 2nd. Mea Culpa. I'll just go and stick my head in the oven....

Posted by: ~Easy at December 07, 2005 06:19 PM (LN5gS)

27 Don't worry, no "Lost" spoilers here. :-) But I do agree with you on the characters. I find I get highly annoyed when it becomes obvious they are actors being directed. Yes, they *are* actors under direction, but depending on the actor's skill, I'm usually able to let myself get sucked into the story enough to forget that fact. But not when Sawyer grimaces for the umpteenth time and Kate goes through facial gyrations for no reason. I'm sort of jerked out of the moment when that happens and my eye-rolling commences. It doesn't happen with *all* the actors, though. Just the ones that aren't all that good. Locke is still my favorite; juicy character to play and the actor is very much up to the challenge. He doesn't overplay his role and he knows how to keep from mugging too much. Something the rest of the cast would do well to notice. Anyway, interesting show. Now let's hope they don't blow it and get all "Twin Peaks" on us.

Posted by: Amber at December 07, 2005 06:33 PM (zQE5D)

28 am also a huge fan of Lost. We are still in Season 1 here, and Angus tried to watch the first episode with me but the part where a guy got sucked into the engine was nearly too much for him. There was the kind of indignant shouting at the TV that generally occurs whenever there's a car chase scene on TV ("What, so now it's going to burst into a fireball, isn't it? Go ahead! Explode the car! Go ahead, you know you will! AHA! See! Useless wankers!"). I was able to keep him in the room, despite the man-into-turbine suckage, but when the polar bear showed up it was a step too far for him and he outright hates the show now. As a note.. a US Sailor really did get sucked into a jet turbine.. and survived with barely a scratch...all things considered.

Posted by: LarryConley at December 08, 2005 09:24 AM (0akNw)

29 I too have wondered why the people on Lost aren't having more sex.

Posted by: Di at December 08, 2005 10:02 PM (Png0Y)

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