May 23, 2005
I met up with the gambler; we were both too tired to sleep.
I've never been much of a gambler. The first time I tried gambling was on a pit stop in Louisiana. I went into a casino when I was travelling from Dallas to Raleigh, my car packed with goodies and my two sweet dogs lolling about the back seat. I went into the casino and played $20. I won $10. I took my winnings and walked out. I was there for maybe a grand total of fifteen minutes, and it left almost no impression on me.
When you're someone like me, someone who's flirted with alcoholism, been seduced by excessive exercise and danced a midnight dance with anorexia, another addictive habit is about the last thing in the world that you need.
Thank God I can't smoke.
So we took turns a starin' out the window at the darkness
'til boredom overtook us, and he began to speak.
I did some betting at Ascot last year, and I lost a total of £30. I had zero luck on my first attempt at the races and on my horses, which is perhaps not without excuse if you're someone like me, someone who bets on them based on their names. Just because I was a Southerner lost in the upper English echelons that day didn't mean I should be betting on horses called "Thank You, Ma'am" or "Southern Comfort". My bets, at any rate, were always small. I bet £2 each time, and none of this each way bullshit. If you bet on something, you need to believe in it. So all of my bets were £2 to win.
Now ev'ry gambler knows that the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away and knowing what to keep.
A week and a half ago I got taken to the races again (only in England they're not called races, they're called "Meetings". You go to the Meet, not to the races. My only pass at explanation is that it does look nicer in the Outlook calendar that way, more "business" less "gambler's anonymous"). It wasn't as dressy as the Ascot races, no enormous hat needed, but I did have to dress up a bit and got to spend my time in a box overlooking the finish line, thanks to one of the suppliers I am working with. It was a large group of people, about 12 of us, and we were treated to a nice lunch and nicer wine. During the lunch, the racing enthusiast next to me taught me all about the statistics and information about the horses and the races, and I have to say-it was interesting and I learnt a lot.
I went into the Meet with £25, and if I lost my £25, that would be it. No visits to the cash machine to extend the fun. Once again I made my £2 bets to win.
Every time, without fail, my horse came in second.
We did what's called a Lucky Dip-you write the names of all the horses on a piece of paper, pay £5, and for that privilege you get to draw a horse and if he wins, you win the pot of money split between the horse that came in first, second and third. I drew a horse that had the worst odds ever. I chucked my piece of paper into my handbag and went on a conference call. During the call, the race started, and I stood on a chair in a quiet room to watch it.
To my utter astonishment, my horse-which had 28-1 odds-came in first.
I won a chunk of cash.
'Cause ev'ry hand's a winner and ev'ry hand's a loser,
And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.
On Saturday we bought a lottery ticket. We have the worst luck ever-Angus and I only ever get one number right, out of the two tickets we buy. We rarely buy lottery tickets since it's just a matter of throwing away £2 for us. But this time we had a reason to.
That house we viewed on Saturday?
It was almost perfect.
Around 100 years old. Huge manicured private garden complete with koi pond (the koi pond I could take or leave, actually). On a quiet lane with a massive field and footpath nearby it had room for expanding the house and building a conservatory. The house was fully functional but decorated in 80's style, meaning a complete rip-out of the kitchen and bathrooms was needed as well as redecorating all the rooms. But this is something we want. We want to design our own kitchens and bathrooms and install them ourselves. We've both done it before in previous houses in previous lives. You wouldn't believe it, but I love tiling, I love cutting the tile on the diamond cutter and soaking myself in clay-smattered water. He loves building and planning, the detail and the lighting.
Two loping golden retrievers live in the house, and I see in their footsteps my own dog I can have when we get a house, a sleepy German Shepherd mix from the RSPCA that I would call George and take with me everywhere. I see the enormous kitchen filled with Angus' family at Christmas. I see lazy summer evenings and al fresco sex under the rose-laden awning. I see ripped T-shirts and music playing as we re-fit our new kitchen and do our dishes in the bathtub in the meantime.
The house comes under budget at what we're planning on spending by a long shot. We've set ourselves a ceiling of £500,000 to accomodate renovations and this one is far under that. This house is unbelievably in our price range, and is ready to be taken off the owner's hands-she is quiet and seems tired, having buried her husband and the third of her golden retrievers, and wants only a smaller space to live in. The interest in this house is immense and we know that it will be gone by this week.
The only problem is, we haven't sold Brighton yet. Angus' house is still languishing on England's southern coast, and hasn't been sold since the previous sale in February fell through. We've dropped the price, done further repairs and maintenance, and still it doesn't move. The market in Brighton has dropped, and the house sits there, waiting. We can't live in it-not only is it much too far for Angus to commute to work, but he feels weird about it and so do I. Renting it out again would temporarily solve the problem, but the issue remains-it needs to be sold for a number of reasons-financial, legal (divorce agreements), etc.
We add up the sums of money we have in various accounts-savings accounts, stocks, accounts in Sweden. If we wipe out our accounts we have more than enough for a down payment and the stamp duty (which is a stunning amount of tax you have to pay in England just for the privilege of buying a house. Infuriating.) We qualify for a mortgage. The problem is, the monthly payments are so high that until Brighton is sold, we can only make monthly payments on interest alone. Once Brighton is sold, we'd replete our vanished savings and dump the rest of the money on the new house, lowering the monthly payments spectacularly. If Brighton doesn't sell, we are well and truly fucked.
This plan is risky, to say the least.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.
In the end, as the owner of Brighton and the one with the most to lose, Angus decides it's too risky.
We're not going to bid on the house.
You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em,
Know when to walk away and know when to run.
A part of me is very sad. That house was fantastic, and I can only hope that once Brighton is sold we can find something so lovely and so kind again. I want to find a house where I can hear the slipping of the dog's nails on the hardwood floors. I want to find a fence that I can imagine my cats sleeping on in the midday sun. I want to know that there's another house out there where I can imagine spreading a baby blanket on the thick grass and watching chubby infant feet get tickled by the dark green blades.
We're not gamblers, really.
I'm not sure if that's something I am glad about or regret.
In the end, everything in life seems to be about timing.
So when he'd finished speakin', he turned back towards the window,
Crushed out his cigarette and faded off to sleep.
And somewhere in the darkness the gambler, he broke even.
But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.
-H.
PS-many thanks to my anonymous benefactor. My gift of movies couldn't have come at a better time. Thank you so, so much.
UPDATE: We've bid the full asking price of the house, predicated on us selling Brighton first. Another couple has also bid the full asking price, also based on their selling their house first. We'll see how this all turns out, but a little finger crossing wouldn't go amiss here....
Posted by: Everydaystranger at
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Posted by: Janet at May 23, 2005 12:33 PM (QDh4F)
Posted by: ~Easy at May 23, 2005 12:52 PM (PuO20)
and movies are something you enjoy in company 
.. Hopefully you won't laugh to hard to snuggle Posted by: LarryConley at May 23, 2005 01:02 PM (F7e7i)
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