February 01, 2006

Dear God I'm Stressed

OK.

Am trying to breathe deep here but my nerves are all over the fucking place. For some reason, I'm even more stressed out than usual over this kind of event. I just don't do dress-up. I hate being noticed, I hate standing out. I also have to remember to call it a black tie event, because I keep calling it a fancy dress party but here in England that means I come to the event dressed like a donkey, and I'm really hoping to avoid that. Apparently black tie dress here in England also means that the lady is intended to wear a ball gown. A ball gown. What the fuck? I'm nearly 32, Cinderella has come and gone, the pumpkin has turned to mold, if any tulle comes near me I'm rabbit punching people.

One of the dresses makes me feel like I am a beautiful curvy sex god. I know I'm not, so pause before sending me the hate mail on how full of myself I am, but I can't help it-when I wear the dress, I feel hot. Hot, but exposed. The problem is it turns out none of my strapless bras can be worn without showing somehow, so if I choose that dress I'm going to have to ask one of the Weakest Link producers to help safety pin the bra strap under the dress, because the back of that dress is pretty low.

One of the dresses makes me feel like a fairy princess, wearing kit that I dreamt of as a kid. I feel like I'm wearing a beautiful color, a color I'm not used to wearing. I feel dainty and tiny and I never feel dainty and tiny. I'm the kind of the chick who pulls plows in fields. I'm not the kind that feels like you can scoop up and put in your pocket.

The voting has come out with 9 votes ahead on Dress A. I myself flip-flop on which dress to wear about every 30 seconds (That's it. End of story. I'm wearing Dress A. No wait. Dress B. No...um...hold on.)

I've got the jewelry picked out for both dresses-vintage 1920's necklace and earrings with B (plus the scarf), and vintage 1920's earrings for Dress A (no scarf, and no necklace. The dress speaks for itself.) It's strappy heels with both of them. It's scary pants and strapless bra for both. My hair appointment is in an hour and a half, where someone will be paid to try to pile the mound of hair I have on my head as the extent of my abilities goes to blow drying my hair.

Aren't I talented.

I'm hyper conscious of all the comments you left (and the post? It was a record number of comments. Lots of coming out of the lurk and I am so grateful for each and every input, thank you.) and I don't want to disappoint anyone on whatever choice I make (because I despair on disappointing people. I despair!). I now have new ways of looking at the dresses-not only do I need to be conscious of making sure I'm always standing up straight and sucking it in, but now I need to make sure I don't look like a bridesmaid/prom queen/mother of the bride/ham hock arm/drewby/liquorice all-sorts (that was a good one!)

It's three hours before I leave for my Weakest Link audition and then the black tie event, and I still can't decide.

Right.

So here it is.

I tried them both on again this morning. I still love them both and I hope to god I get the chance to wear them both at some event in the future.

I simply can't decide, so I'm flipping a coin. I will absolutely go with whatever the coin says. Heads it's Dress A, tails it's Dress B.

The coin goes up (when it comes down it hits me on the head). I grab it, flip it over onto my hand and...

And...

Wow.

Wish me luck.

-H.

PS-I saw this last night on the big screens in Waterloo with my team. At the time (and I don't mean to be a complete bitch) I thought: Good. No one was killed and now people will ban this sick and barbaric fucking sport. Then I read the mayor's follow-up comment: 'We need to take preventative measures to avoid that a situation of this nature happens again,' as they plan to reinforce the stadium, not ban bullfighting.

People never fucking learn.

UPDATE-the hair is now up. I was going for Gibson Girl but instead somehow wound up looking like the next actress to do Jane fucking Austen, as though I should be wearing an empire waist dress and moaning my piteous dowry. It was remedied and now I have a very simple up-do. I was going to go for big round curls piled on the top of my head but they said my hair was too long and heavy for it to last me all afternoon and into the evening, so a simple up-do it is.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 10:42 AM | Comments (29) | Add Comment
Post contains 856 words, total size 5 kb.

1 and ................ you rotter!!!!!! Have a wonderful time at the ball babe.

Posted by: Mia at February 01, 2006 11:23 AM (aPP6S)

2 I can't believe you just did that! Have a fun wonderful time with your boy!

Posted by: justme at February 01, 2006 11:50 AM (I0ENd)

3 Good luck! Have fun.

Posted by: Mary-Jo at February 01, 2006 12:06 PM (DKTIr)

4 I'll keep you in my thoughts today, and I do hope you'll let us know which one you decided on.

Posted by: amber at February 01, 2006 12:08 PM (O9vsl)

5 1. Ditch the shawl. You are not an old lady. remember you are a young, good looking vivacious lady. 2. You are a representative of your team. I don't know how much business is discussed at these events, but if it is, it is a golden oppurtunity to mention your team members (by name) and extol their virtues. It is not only about you. 3. Ditch the anti-establishment stuff. You are the establishment. learn to swim with the sharks. 4. get the guest list. try to figure out who you would like to talk to. find them and talk to them. or: try to find out who you will be talking to at the party, find out some personal information about them. This gives you something to ask them. ex: children (by name if possible) 5. Don't drink. If they ask say your on a diet. (nobody will notice you are not drinking) 6. Remember to eat the food with the correct silverware. 7. Enjoy, look at all the dresses, look at the surrounding, enjoy the music. Dance with Angus. (or find a good dancer) you can have a good time.

Posted by: iowaslovak at February 01, 2006 12:37 PM (U3sRl)

6 Good luck at the audition and have a great time tonight!

Posted by: donna at February 01, 2006 12:37 PM (tN5Gk)

7 You are SUCH a tease, Helen. Gee, a coin toss. *wink* You will be smashing. You're just not capable of being anything less. You're an outstanding, beautiful, and spirited woman. Trust me, heads will turn and a point will be made. I'll be thinking of you.

Posted by: Dana at February 01, 2006 12:49 PM (b7OKi)

8 Helen, please let us know which dress you wore. Have a wonderful time and good luck!

Posted by: kenju at February 01, 2006 12:56 PM (2+7OT)

9 Whatever you wear will be perfect. I am sure you look wonderful! Good luck and have a great time!

Posted by: Lee at February 01, 2006 01:15 PM (soEfB)

10 Iowa-I never said it was about me. In fact, I spend a great deal of time saying it's NOT about me. Some of my team will be there, too. So don't for a second think I have myself on some kind of silver platter or anything. This project's done well BECAUSE of a great team.

Posted by: Helen at February 01, 2006 01:34 PM (h4faM)

11 I'm so glad you said that to Iowa. When I read those points 1-7, I thought "sod that for a game of soldiers, just go and have a good time!" oh, and good luck at the audition - the beeb will think it's your lucky hairdo!

Posted by: Gill at February 01, 2006 02:13 PM (4tDGB)

12 You damn tease! Can't wait to see what you went with (and shawls are not just for old ladies-they are a fantastic accessory, but I know you know that), and the jewelry sounds beautiful. Good luck with the audition-though I really think luck has nothing to do with it at this point. ;-) And just because I did not say it yesterday: you look beautiful in both dresses, because you are a beautiful woman. Oh, and bullfighting sucks.

Posted by: Teresa at February 01, 2006 02:14 PM (zf0DB)

13 knock em dead, kid.

Posted by: becky at February 01, 2006 02:19 PM (jv5jW)

14 Sorry I missed the voting. Have a great time, and best of luck at the audition.

Posted by: Lisa at February 01, 2006 02:50 PM (5vmEt)

15 You might be stressed, but at least you're dressed. Okay, that was totally lame, but I simply couldn't resist. (Hopefully things will improve, because I'm starting the repatriation anti-depressants today.) You could've worn a garbage bag and you'd still be the most beautiful woman in the room.

Posted by: redsaid at February 01, 2006 02:52 PM (hSCXM)

16 By the time I'm reading this, you are on your way to the big dance... hope you are having a good time. I little bubbley is sure to help! We do require pictures, my dear!

Posted by: SaraJane at February 01, 2006 02:53 PM (H5++6)

17 Wow, Iowa, I didn't realize you thought she was completely socially inept. Way to give her explicit instructions on how to act at a party. Are you an ettiquette teacher? Because I didn't see her asking assvice from anyone on how to act.

Posted by: statia at February 01, 2006 03:45 PM (56gUM)

18 You eeeeeeeevil bitch! I say that with much love, but now I'm absolutely dying to know which dress won out. Hope you slam dunk (did I just say that) your audition today. Have a glorious night!

Posted by: amy t. at February 01, 2006 03:50 PM (zPssd)

19 Wow! As I type this, you are hopefully having a well deserved good time. Hope you take photos!

Posted by: Marie at February 01, 2006 04:14 PM (PQxWr)

20 I can't believe that I didn't say this yesterday but congratulations on a job well done! My only excuse is that I always get excited when there's something to vote on, lol. Anyway, you and your team deserve this..so whichever dress you decided on - I'm sure you look amazing. Have a good time and good luck at your audition!

Posted by: Lindsay at February 01, 2006 04:20 PM (Rj0Is)

21 Best of luck at the audition and have a great time at the party. You'll look beautiful whichever dress you decided to wear - you sadistic tease! - just relax and have fun.

Posted by: Jocelyn at February 01, 2006 04:21 PM (jkRb/)

22 Well, by now I'm certain you're there and I'm also certain you look fabulous. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!

Posted by: caltechgirl at February 01, 2006 07:01 PM (/vgMZ)

23 Oh, and pictures. Must see pictures.

Posted by: caltechgirl at February 01, 2006 07:02 PM (/vgMZ)

24 best of luck, I expect to see Oscar-style photos of you looking incredible in... some dress, holding a little trophy! And kick butt at the audition!

Posted by: stephanie at February 01, 2006 08:14 PM (e3o0g)

25 You're not a beautiful, curvy sex god(dess)? Ask Angus for a second opinion.

Posted by: Sigivald at February 01, 2006 09:21 PM (4JnZM)

26 Hey, I don't care which you choose (they ARE both beautiful, my prom comment notwithstanding--and since when should you tailor your choices to my stupid fabric associations? Since NEVER, that's when!), 'slong as you post pictures afterward. I must see the hair and the jewelry! You have fabulous taste, Helen. Either one's going to be a showstopper. Don't you doubt it.

Posted by: ilyka at February 01, 2006 10:05 PM (gg29I)

27 Wow, someone really whipped out a truckload of assvice here. What would an assvice award look like, I wonder? [opens up MS Paint]

Posted by: ilyka at February 01, 2006 10:07 PM (gg29I)

28 holy crap! are you writing for NBC now? what's up with the cliffhanger? hope your evening goes well, and that you are able to relax and have fun too. (and i totally agree, bullfighting is dispicable. on the rare occasions that the bull manages to gore someone, I'm always rooting for the bull.)

Posted by: river at February 02, 2006 12:59 AM (IU7wl)

29 Bah!! I've been logging in all day (your night) to see if you updated after the event... Hope you had fun!!

Posted by: Flikka at February 02, 2006 04:28 AM (puvdD)

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