February 01, 2006
Am trying to breathe deep here but my nerves are all over the fucking place. For some reason, I'm even more stressed out than usual over this kind of event. I just don't do dress-up. I hate being noticed, I hate standing out. I also have to remember to call it a black tie event, because I keep calling it a fancy dress party but here in England that means I come to the event dressed like a donkey, and I'm really hoping to avoid that. Apparently black tie dress here in England also means that the lady is intended to wear a ball gown. A ball gown. What the fuck? I'm nearly 32, Cinderella has come and gone, the pumpkin has turned to mold, if any tulle comes near me I'm rabbit punching people.
One of the dresses makes me feel like I am a beautiful curvy sex god. I know I'm not, so pause before sending me the hate mail on how full of myself I am, but I can't help it-when I wear the dress, I feel hot. Hot, but exposed. The problem is it turns out none of my strapless bras can be worn without showing somehow, so if I choose that dress I'm going to have to ask one of the Weakest Link producers to help safety pin the bra strap under the dress, because the back of that dress is pretty low.
One of the dresses makes me feel like a fairy princess, wearing kit that I dreamt of as a kid. I feel like I'm wearing a beautiful color, a color I'm not used to wearing. I feel dainty and tiny and I never feel dainty and tiny. I'm the kind of the chick who pulls plows in fields. I'm not the kind that feels like you can scoop up and put in your pocket.
The voting has come out with 9 votes ahead on Dress A. I myself flip-flop on which dress to wear about every 30 seconds (That's it. End of story. I'm wearing Dress A. No wait. Dress B. No...um...hold on.)
I've got the jewelry picked out for both dresses-vintage 1920's necklace and earrings with B (plus the scarf), and vintage 1920's earrings for Dress A (no scarf, and no necklace. The dress speaks for itself.) It's strappy heels with both of them. It's scary pants and strapless bra for both. My hair appointment is in an hour and a half, where someone will be paid to try to pile the mound of hair I have on my head as the extent of my abilities goes to blow drying my hair.
Aren't I talented.
I'm hyper conscious of all the comments you left (and the post? It was a record number of comments. Lots of coming out of the lurk and I am so grateful for each and every input, thank you.) and I don't want to disappoint anyone on whatever choice I make (because I despair on disappointing people. I despair!). I now have new ways of looking at the dresses-not only do I need to be conscious of making sure I'm always standing up straight and sucking it in, but now I need to make sure I don't look like a bridesmaid/prom queen/mother of the bride/ham hock arm/drewby/liquorice all-sorts (that was a good one!)
It's three hours before I leave for my Weakest Link audition and then the black tie event, and I still can't decide.
Right.
So here it is.
I tried them both on again this morning. I still love them both and I hope to god I get the chance to wear them both at some event in the future.
I simply can't decide, so I'm flipping a coin. I will absolutely go with whatever the coin says. Heads it's Dress A, tails it's Dress B.
The coin goes up (when it comes down it hits me on the head). I grab it, flip it over onto my hand and...
And...
Wow.
Wish me luck.
-H.
PS-I saw this last night on the big screens in Waterloo with my team. At the time (and I don't mean to be a complete bitch) I thought: Good. No one was killed and now people will ban this sick and barbaric fucking sport. Then I read the mayor's follow-up comment: 'We need to take preventative measures to avoid that a situation of this nature happens again,'Â as they plan to reinforce the stadium, not ban bullfighting.
People never fucking learn.
UPDATE-the hair is now up. I was going for Gibson Girl but instead somehow wound up looking like the next actress to do Jane fucking Austen, as though I should be wearing an empire waist dress and moaning my piteous dowry. It was remedied and now I have a very simple up-do. I was going to go for big round curls piled on the top of my head but they said my hair was too long and heavy for it to last me all afternoon and into the evening, so a simple up-do it is.
Posted by: Everydaystranger at
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