The house is a war zone.

When you enter the front door you go through a door that only partially opens. Creaking up the stairs you pass walls patched with gray filler. The bathroom looks like a toiletry-laden bomb has gone off, exploding tampons, face cream, and toilet paper which no longer hangs on the toilet paper holder. The bedroom has had all the mirrors taken down, and the only reflection you can see is in the gray filled holes left behind. The kitchen is an obstacle course involving exploded cabinets, cardboard box jungles and paint cans.

Moving sucks.

Since this is a rental property we are making sure that anything we did to the house is repaired ten times over, as the company that manages rentals are complete wankers. We sued them successfully two years ago and are bracing ourselves for round two. In these houses, where there are no towel bars and toilet paper holders, putting one up means taking it back down again and making sure there's not a trace left behind. We are going to paint over every scratch and mark, but because the builder who fixed the place up five years ago used a different version of 'industrial magnolia' on every wall it pretty much means we are repainting every damn wall as we just can't find matching paint and can't be bothered to for every separate wall.

And that doesn't even include the cleaning. When we moved into the house the oven looked as though it had never even been used. After a few volatile Thanksgiving turkeys the oven definitely is going to have to be hit repeatedly with that caustic shit that burns your lungs and makes your hands itch.

This is a far cry to when I was a student-I remember filling holes with white toothpaste as then you couldn't see the marks. I never got a deposit back, either, but when I was younger the urge to flee was far greater than the urge to tidy up. There were some things I would walk away from money for.

I still think it's worth it although my approach has changed over time.

We get the house keys today. We get our dog tonight, after we make the first of what I suspect will be many IKEA runs (we just need some cheap storage for now, and we need to buy a single bed for Jeff. For the first time Melissa and Jeff will each have their own rooms, with their own dressers to store things they want to keep here. As Jeff and I walked through a marketplace in Nelson he saw a bi-plane made out of a Coke can, the propeller spinning lazily in the wind. He saw it and decided he just had to have it for 'his new room'. Naturally, I bought it and can't wait to hang it up for him.)

There's a lot happening. My 32nd birthday is one week (I am getting old and getting old faster than the rest of you.) There is so much to do and organize. Our phone lines (and broadband! Sob!) get turned off tomorrow, with the new lines turning on in the new house (hopefully) on Saturday. The broadband, alas, won't turn up for another two weeks. We're facing a dial-up household and this is a tragedy as dial-up is the end of the world. Plus since our office figured out that loads of their staff waste precious time on blogging they have effectively blocked every blogging tool and blog site, so getting to my blog may be tough for the next week-if posting is quiet it's because I have no access or I am trapped under an avalanche of fallen recycled cardboard.

I can't believe a bit over a week ago I was in New Zealand, and now we are facing The Big Move. The house that we love, the one we idly dreamt of. The garden begs for romps with the dog and cats, of hammock-swinging moments and al fresco sex. We have spent ages on the Dulux website planning colors for the house (it turns out my 'color wheel' is called 'Gentle Perfectionist'. The colors are warm blues, warm violets, and warm golds. It is pretty much dead on for the colors I love. I would love to paint the walls that color, I want to paint the walls any color but orange as nothing schitzes me out more than orange walls.)

Saturday will be spent at the new house getting it ready. We're going to paint two of the bedrooms which are currently covered in Laura Ashley vomit-colored chintzy 80's wallpaper. These, of course, must go. The bathroom currently only has a bathtub, we either have to rip it out to install a shower or find a way to add a shower to it (I will miss a bathtub very, very much) as the idea of showering by way of using a plastic cup under a running bathtub faucet does not appeal. We're ripping up the carpets in every room but one (indeed, the house has what I think is a typically English phenomenon-the bathroom is carpeted. This seems whole levels of unhygienic to me-how the hell does it ever dry out? What's growing under there?) One of the rooms upstairs has the poster child for 1970's shag carpet, and if I didn't think that the 70's were the scourge of the 1900's we might leave it but we absolutely hate that shit thus this carpet is going, too.

Underneath the carpets are the original wooden floors from when the house was built 100 years ago.

We can't wait to clean them up and let them shine.

The kitchen will be ripped up soon enough, and an extension, a conservatory, and many other things are planned. There's an original fireplace in the kitchen that has been covered over that I am desperate to reveal. The dining room will become my office and my already packed Family Guy action figures are just aching to be displayed next to my framed Czech Lost in Translation postcard, my kooky Kaikoura vase, my iDog.

The house will be ours in every sense of the word. The house we are leaving behind will not miss us although we will miss it-we are now moving 5 miles up the road and into another village. Our address is simpler and our garden is bigger but our hearts will always love the little village that saw us together as a couple-really together-for the first time.

Goodbye, Hartley Wintney. We will always adore you.

With Love,

Angus, Helen, Maggie, Mumin, and Gorbachev (friends call him Gorby).

(We bust Gorby out at 1530 today.)

(Puppies smell like Fritos.)

-H.

PS-Dear God, please let there be loads and loads of hot water in the new place. Thanks.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 06:35 AM | Comments (25) | Add Comment
Post contains 1158 words, total size 6 kb.

1 I hate moving, but with each move, you have more exciting stories to tell. I am thrilled your dreams are coming true... And I am glad you chose Gorby as your pup's name. We'll miss you...and we'll gladly welcome you back, dial-up and all...

Posted by: Dana at March 24, 2006 07:04 AM (EmSR+)

2 I'm very excited for you! The new story begins with this move; here's to the future! I can't wait for all the pictures of you and the man, kids, cats, and dogs settling into the new house.

Posted by: Lisa at March 24, 2006 07:16 AM (ELUjU)

3 Much good luck in the new place...! And with all those renovation plans, too!

Posted by: OldOldLady Of The Hills at March 24, 2006 08:02 AM (2qtG3)

4 Best of luck with the move. and YAy for a new member of the family.

Posted by: martha at March 24, 2006 12:40 PM (mmE4Y)

5 Yay, moving day and Gorby pickup are finally here! Hubby nicknamed our dog "corn chip" because of the Frito phenomenon.

Posted by: selzach at March 24, 2006 01:03 PM (+WpUC)

6 In the race to getting old I am winning. I'm sure of it. The house plans sound fantastic-a whole new story is beginning. Glad Gorby will be there sharing it with you. Best of luck to all of you!

Posted by: Teresa at March 24, 2006 01:29 PM (zf0DB)

7 I always thought that puppy breath smelled like that very last drop of coffee in your mug. When you lean back to drain it and you get that final whiff of coffee and cream it's exactly the same as when a new little puppy licks your face.

Posted by: Lindsay at March 24, 2006 02:42 PM (mHNC3)

8 yay for Gorby! love that name. we just moved into a bigger apartment a month ago and lucky for us, the apartment managers don't care about holes in the walls. I asked them if we should fix them and they said not to bother. they also tear out and replace the carpet for each new residence, so cat puke stains were not an issue. I'd like to install a new towel bar in our bathroom, but my husband is being a poop about it b/c he hates doing things that involve tools. I can't wait to see all of your renovations! good luck with all of the moving. I feel your pain!

Posted by: girl at March 24, 2006 03:51 PM (HQuHV)

9 I loved this post. I'm happy for you and your whole family. You'll make it a home in no time. When I got to the part about busting Gorby out and how puppies smell like Fritos, it made me giggle! They DO smell like Fritos. I think its their little puppy feet. Congratultions. Gorby is a lucky fella.

Posted by: Serena at March 24, 2006 03:56 PM (jU/ey)

10 Um, I really hope your mail will be forwarded, as I sent you something this week in the mail without even THINKING about the fact that you'd be moving. Oops.

Posted by: amy t. at March 24, 2006 03:57 PM (zPssd)

11 Best of luck with the move. From what I've seen in the photos, you've bought 'my' house, so take good care of it, OK? Mr. Pickles and Madi, our puppy houseguests are going home today, so we'll miss the puppy breath and cuteness till the next visit.

Posted by: Jocelyn at March 24, 2006 04:06 PM (jkRb/)

12 oh SHIT... where to send things??? OH well the new house will be gorgeous, you will recover and Ill hold on to the sweater for you (cause I am horrible with that Poste thing bises!

Posted by: stinkerbell at March 24, 2006 05:03 PM (QcMkT)

13 Dear Helen, I'm going to ration the hot water, as you totally left me unable to communicate with you for the next two days. It's your own fault. Love, God.

Posted by: statia at March 24, 2006 06:23 PM (56gUM)

14 Hooray! We'll all be waiting patiently for your return Puppy smell is just the best...

Posted by: caltechgirl at March 24, 2006 07:27 PM (/vgMZ)

15 I want to send a present to you, where is your online list again?

Posted by: jennifer at March 24, 2006 07:58 PM (lHvU3)

16 Qucik update from me: Our boy is home and he is GORGEOUS. True. I pass other dogs and think: "Yeah, you're really cute but our dog is FABULOUS." People even stop on the street to pet him. People love him. He is my new younger man. And Jennifer, I've hidden it on my contact page at: http://everydaystranger.net/contact_everydaystranger.php

Posted by: Helen at March 24, 2006 08:16 PM (4BZl+)

17 Oh I LOVE Gorby!! He is sooooooo cute!! Good luck with the move -- I hope everything goes perfectly (or that you are at least not crushed and nothing super valuable gets broken...)

Posted by: Richmond at March 24, 2006 09:12 PM (e8QFP)

18 I don't see how you could possibly think that you are aging faster than me....our birthdays are back-to-back--remember. And at last count my magic number is 44......Also, any typos are due to the fact I am on Daughter Dearest's laptop because boyfriend and son are on my machines playing WOW...and I am TOO OLD and BLIND to see in the dark....lol...Good luck on the move.

Posted by: Mitzi at March 25, 2006 04:09 AM (Vp6CN)

19 I am so happy for you all, especially Gorby! I love that you named him that!

Posted by: Judy Carrino at March 25, 2006 04:32 AM (2+7OT)

20 How exciting. Best of luck with everything. Especially the PUPPY! p.s. I too will be 32 next week on the 3rd. Happy Birthday.

Posted by: Trace at March 25, 2006 10:26 AM (wOvZb)

21 I am so happy and excited for you both! I just love the name you picked for your new pup too! Can't wait to see all the pic's of your new place in progress, hint hint.

Posted by: justme at March 25, 2006 11:33 AM (xrvll)

22 Yup inlaws have carpet in the bathroom...its moldy never the shower. I fight the urge to rip it up at every second I occupy the facilities! Have fun moving, well fun is a figurative word. And congrats on busting Gorby out! He's ADORABLE!

Posted by: Juls at March 25, 2006 01:21 PM (DpFUA)

23 I suspect that is the very last picture of Gorby behind bars. Soon the moving will be over and you can begin anew, again.

Posted by: Donna at March 25, 2006 07:13 PM (Aanzg)

24 Oh noes! The olds! You are catching the olds! Well... it sure beats the alternative. And my God, that's an attractive dog.

Posted by: B. Durbin at March 27, 2006 05:47 AM (tie24)

25 "I am getting old and getting old faster than the rest of you..." Dear sweet girl, I've got a decade on you and I still feel young. Still trying to figure out who the heck stole a bunch of the hair on top of my head, though.

Posted by: physics geek at March 28, 2006 09:04 PM (Xvrs7)

Hide Comments | Add Comment