Granted
You know, there are a lot of things that you take for granted, and when you realize they're gone, then you're pretty pissed off.
I'm not talking Ali McGraw-like love or anything like that. Love is grand, but slightly bigger than not realizing you have it one day. If you were that unobservant to begin with, your relationship probably wasn't stellar anyway.
I'm also not talking about things like, oh, your kidneys. Kidneys are cool. Kidneys flush out the baddie toxins. We like our kidneys although, unless you are awaiting a transplant or frantically drinking cranberry juice to ward off an infection, you're not likely to think about them daily.
It's similar to how you feel about General Mills cereals-when they changed the formula for Lucky Charms I hadn't yet realized by deep, penetrative love I had for Lucky, the little fucker. Lucky the Leprechaun and his pale, pastel charms were part of my childhood. Then Lucky got all whacked. He got funky. He watched too many episodes of In Living Color. He went and changed the color of the marshmallows to a new, ultra-violent color, a color so putrid they could have come from the anus of someone on the outskirts of Chernobyl.
Not just that, but Lucky? He went and made his marshmallows chocolate last year. Seriously.
We've broken up.
Don't even get me started on Trix, I swear I will kill that fucking rabbit if I ever see him. Trix went from rabbit pellets to rabid pellets. Trix are for kids my ass-no kid of mine will be touching that shit now that they changed the formula. Grapety Grape? What the fuck is wrong with you people, huh? I was heart broken.
I had taken Trix for granted.
I had taken Lucky Charms for granted.
But that's not all-I've spent the day without broadband and wifi as technical testing has been taking place in the home and we needed a clean environment (but, seeing as I got home from Upper Buttfuck at 10pm last night, the air interfaces were clean but seeing as we'd been too busy to vacuum for a week now, the house really wasn't.)
It's difficult running your day on only a Blackberry.
Especially if you are already in a killing mood.
Dear broadband, dear wifi...I love you so much. Let's never leave have moments without each other in our lives again. I would say that you complete me, but then Tom Cruise is squicky and how sad is that, I need you to complete me?
Love You Forever and Ever,
-H.
PS-can you talk to General Mills for me? I'm pretty worried they're going to take Boo Berry and insert marshmallows shaped like P Diddy. My life will really be over then.
Posted by: Everydaystranger at
04:15 PM
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Post contains 461 words, total size 3 kb.
1
i seriously get all twitchy and panicky when my broadband at home goes out. and also, i can't figure out how to do anything without internet. check the weather? i can't, no internet! pay the bills? i can't, no internet! play a game? i can't, no internet! GAH!
you should see me when the power goes out. i end up pacing around in circles until it comes back on.
Posted by: geeky at December 08, 2006 04:29 PM (ziVl9)
2
FRUITY PEBBLES STILL ROCK THOUGH!!
They have never changed the formula on those, Thank God.
Posted by: kimmykins13 at December 08, 2006 05:16 PM (HUKlZ)
3
Helen..seriously? Your love for Boo Berry? You just cemented my commitment to you forever. I will kill for you, if needed. I will pick up dead foxes and mice and protect you from all germs. I will tackle Angus to the ground if he dares to protest a single Christmas decoration, no matter how tacky. I will remove Upper Buttfuck from the map. I will kidnap Will Ferrell and force him to walk around in Buddy character all day. Anything you need, just ask and you shall receive.
I cannot recall who said this but I'm stealing a quote..Whatever souls are made of, yours and mine are the same.
Posted by: Lindsay at December 08, 2006 06:27 PM (8X2F0)
4
I gotta cave then.
Lindsay?
You....complete.....me.
*insert poofy Renee surgically altered-pouty lip face here*
PS-my soul's made out of Cheez-Its and gingerbread latte. You in?
Posted by: Helen at December 08, 2006 07:56 PM (NXqKu)
5
I am so in. I just hammered down a box of Cheez-Its all by myself this week and I'm definitely not afraid of ANYTHING with gingerbread in the title.
I hate to even imagine what the inside of my colon looks like.
Posted by: Lindsay at December 08, 2006 08:38 PM (8X2F0)
6
Why don't large corporations realize that some things were never meant to change? Why don't they believe in the maxim "if it works, don't fuck with it"? That change for change's sake is often a bad idea with consumers? Didn't they learn anything from the New Coke fiasco so many years ago?
I'm with you on the broadband. I resisted the dark side for so long, using justifications such as cost and "we don't really need it, dialup is just fine". I'm going on my fourth month of crossing over and now I can't imagine life without it. I remember having the same problem with getting a cellphone.
Posted by: diamond dave at December 08, 2006 09:36 PM (3clTx)
7
Hey there, I've been a 'lurker' for a while after my Lemurgirl told me
about your blog...so here;s my first comment!:
My broadband seems to go down about once a month, usually on a Friday
night, so I have to spend the whole weekend without it...and it's horrible!
I'll wander around the flat, read some papers (physical papers) and perhaps
a book, then think...ooh, must send an email, or must check Facebook etc
and it takes the "Server cannot be found message" (yes, I get that far)
before I realise I'm cut off...stranded. Last time I even resorted to using
dial-up...depressing.
So my point...my point...ah yes, my point is that I take my broadband and
WiFi for granted too...!
Posted by: aboutthisboy at December 08, 2006 11:49 PM (ihD/W)
8
You know what I'm still angry about? The fact that Kellogg's just up and got rid of Marshmallow Rice Krispies one day and couldn't be bothered to ask my opinion on it. I was crushed when I decided I wanted some one day, several years ago, walked up and down the cereal aisle, frustrated as Hell, and couldn't find them anywhere. I e-mailed someone from the Kellogg's site and got some retarded form letter back that Marshmallow Rice Krispies were NO MORE. Assholes.
Posted by: girl at December 09, 2006 03:55 AM (z6Kyx)
9
Off the subject a bit, but Helen, Sky One is doing a live-action adaptation of Terry Pratchett's Hogfather, and I'm pretty sure you want to see it.
Because amidst the craziness of the Discworld's Death taking on the role equivalent of Father Christmas and its fallout, I think that the book is one of the truest comments on the meaning of all the Christmas stuff, and about what it means to be human.
And besides, I live in the States and can't see it yet. I hope they put it up on iTunes and make it available on DVD post-haste.
Posted by: B. Durbin at December 09, 2006 07:43 PM (tie24)
10
I could live without the broadband for a day or so. However, if the Tivo isn't working then it's best to just stay the hell away from me.
And I don't know what's gotten into the heads of some of the corporations. Have you tasted a Twinkie lately? Honestly, some things just don't need improvement.
Posted by: ~Easy at December 11, 2006 12:30 PM (FKBK3)
11
B Durbin-I'm absolutely going to watch that next Sunday!
Posted by: Helen at December 11, 2006 12:35 PM (9xfLs)
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