Wednesday was a long day.

I woke in the dark to get showered and dressed. I left in the dark to get to the train station to catch a hideously early train into London. The weather was perfectly miserable-driving rain, gale force winds, and everything-regardless of umbrellas, rain jackets, hats-got soaked. The ticket machines weren't working (due to rain). The trains were late (due to rain). The staff was surly (due to simply being Network rail staff).

My mood was excellent, despite it all.

The train-when it finally arrives-is packed and I luckily get a seat. I sit down and pull out my PSP to watch my usual (going on number 30-something I think). The rain keeps driving and the whistling wind batters the train. Inside, I am one of many commuters, all of us with minds whirring full of sugar plums Excel spreadsheets and Microsoft Project plans.

When we get to London I get my usual bagel and my usual venti nonft gingerbread latte. I grab a free Metro. I get the umbrella ready. Then I put the umbrella back and figure-Fuck it. I have a hat. My hair is uncontrollable anyway. Let's just go with it.

I walk across Waterloo Bridge grinning and eating a bagel.

There's worse that could be.

In the office I find a hot desk and set myself up.

Work is contentious-I am in a power battle with another chap. He wants control of my new project, I have control of my new project. Things get escalated to people with CEO in their title (our company has several of them as it has several branches of business). Said people come out of the woodwork and support me-they support me, crazy intrepid me.

My mood is still good.

My laptop is in a sorry shape, my email inbox a fucking disaster area. In a week when I officially start my new job I can just archive all the mails and start fresh. My phone batteries are both nearly dead and my Blackberry has gone on the fritz.

I quietly hum Christmas carols under my breath.

I make my way up to North London to meet with my therapist. We are making leaps and bounds lately, the key that turned some time ago has actually done some good. These days I feel more inside of myself than I ever have before. My therapist says this is why things feel so much to me-I haven't felt them before, so my view is as though I'm new.

I guess I am.

I have more meetings, all of them stressful. I have CEOs still calling me. I watch the PSP and take deep breaths and don't let it get to me.

I walk across Waterloo Bridge and marvel at the Christmas lights. I breathe in the cold night air and curl my hand tighter around my Christmas present purchases. I ride the train home.

Thursday morning my mood was still good, despite getting very little sleep. Angus dashes off to a full-day meeting and I work from home. I pour coffee and add my gingerbread syrup. After sipping it and finding it tastes like a spicy, warming cup of ass, I pour it out, smile, and pour myself another.

The emails start coming in and are contentious as all get out. I take a deep breath, remain firm, start up iTunes and click on the Christmas music, and vow that my holidays will be about family and healing. I look out the window and see our garbage bin has been left behind by the bin men.

Our garbage bin, which is currently filled with trash and the rotting moldy carcass of a Thanksgiving turkey, masquerading as a science experiment.

I feel slightly rankled.

I try not to let it bother me.

A CEO calls and tells me I have to travel to Upper Buttfuck tomorrow for an afternoon meeting. That's a nearly 9 hour journey for 3 hours. I sweetly ask out of it but am firmly told it's "best for my career". I try to tell the chap I don't have a career, but am left at the end of the phone with the sinking horror that I'm off to Upper Buttfuck, and nothing good ever comes out of going to Upper Buttfuck. I sigh and go with Gorby to take the compost out-a jaunt through the garden with a spiky happy pup will do me good. I grab the compost bucket and some shoes and we walk out.

And I see, edged around the horrible fish pond, is the corpse of a fox.

OH MY GOD.

THERE'S A DEAD FOX IN MY GARDEN.

At this point the Candy Cane colored veneer I've been living under cracks. I have been living in some kind of Elf-induced tranquilization. The carefully removed stress I've been feeling for the past two days hits like a freight train and my eye muscle madly twitches like Pamela Anderson on a Friday Fight Night.

THERE'S A DEAD FOX IN MY GARDEN.

Cue hysteria.

When I finally get it together, I pack the fox up in two plastic bags, all the while apologizing-I feel foxes are beautiful glorious animals (despite how mean they are to the local farmer's ducks. The same farmer whom, I assume, poisoned the little guy so that he could come here to die in my garden.) Also? I'm freaked out that it will come to life and rip my hands off, so as I'm scooping him up with a shovel and Glad Bags, I'm in hysterics: "I'm sorry! You're so lovely! I'm sorry! DON'T KILL ME! I'm sorry!"

Yeah. The calm and easygoing mindset I had died with the shiny red fox.

THERE WAS A DEAD FOX IN MY GARDEN.

Still, weirdly I'm in an OK mood.

I really need to get my hormones balanced.

The air is sweet and fragrant, and none may pass without my permission!

Christ.

-H

Yeah. I wasn't joking about the fox. I had the camera with me and felt so awful about it, I wanted to see if taking a picture and sending it to the farmer would affect him. Then I realized: It really wouldn't.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 06:14 AM | Comments (21) | Add Comment
Post contains 1051 words, total size 6 kb.

1 I can handle dead mice or whatever (I have cats, after all)... but a fox? I would have been pretty upset about that, too. After all it's meant to be so beautiful and wild and free ... not dead in your garden. Mean farmer.

Posted by: Hannah at December 07, 2006 08:35 AM (5w+E2)

2 Mental note to self: must see Elf and see what it's all about.

Posted by: Hannah at December 07, 2006 08:35 AM (5w+E2)

3 At least he(she?) died in a place where someone cared...dig a few feet down and place a marker... I do it for my mom now and then.. I like foxes (in a distant way) and am iffy on hunting them with dogs 2-3 times their size... but wild animals die.. give it a nice grave and plant something over it to remeber it by.. ME

Posted by: LarryConley at December 07, 2006 12:39 PM (AkTxh)

4 Elf will definitely help with the holiday mood. It's a must see for us every Christmas along with It's a Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story. And if you enjoyed Elf, then definitely see Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. The Thanksgiving scene where Ricky opens with a prayer to the baby Jesus because that's his "favorite Jesus" is a scream.

Posted by: ~Easy at December 07, 2006 12:43 PM (FKBK3)

5 That photo, is it Angus, because it looks like him, but not quite, is it his brother?

Posted by: Gill at December 07, 2006 12:46 PM (4tDGB)

6 Poor Fox, and poor you for having to deal with it! I'm glad I've always had brothers around to deal with that sort of thing.

Posted by: geeky at December 07, 2006 01:30 PM (ziVl9)

7 Poor little Sir Didymous..you should definitely bury him in yoru garden and then he can protect like he has sworn to do! Maybe he really did just die from natural causes and not from a vengeful farmer? Then again, maybe he got a call from a CEO telling him he had to go to Upper Buttfuck and he just decided that it wasn't worth the trouble.

Posted by: Lindsay at December 07, 2006 02:28 PM (8X2F0)

8 "I'm sorry! You're so lovely! I'm sorry! DON'T KILL ME! I'm sorry!" Funniest line ever. The picture in my head is hysterical. In a very empathetic way, of course. Thanks for sharing.

Posted by: klo at December 07, 2006 02:37 PM (eY2Ws)

9 DUDE!!! Warnings on the dead fox pictures would be appreciated. My German can't compete with that.

Posted by: statia at December 07, 2006 04:47 PM (NsnoE)

10 poor foxy red. I've only ever seen one fox in the wild in my entire life and one dead one. I think they're beautiful creatures too.

Posted by: girl at December 07, 2006 07:01 PM (z6Kyx)

11 poor little foxy. I couldn't have dealt with him, I would have cried my eyes out and then chewed the farmer a new one. Have fun in UBF tomorrow.

Posted by: caltechgirl at December 07, 2006 07:24 PM (/vgMZ)

12 It's really "There's a dead fox in my garden AND the bin is full and not going to be emptied for another week" unless you went for a simple burial. Unless you did something naughty with the bin then the council will come and fetch it if you complain. Hopefully there's room to cram the fox remains in first.

Posted by: Caroline M at December 07, 2006 07:39 PM (x3QDi)

13 Several years ago I worked as a Reservations Manager at a very elite resort on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. We had a family of foxes that lived right there on the property for a short time. They became very tame and the guests loved them. They could be seen roaming around the property or just chilling on the lounge chairs at various times. After they continued to breed, and there were about 5 of them, the General Manager decided that they were a hazard to the guests who would try to feed and pet them, so they had animal control set traps to catch them and disperse them to a protected area several miles down the Road. The traps were set and 2 foxes were caught late in the night the very first day they were set. They howled like Banshees all night long until Animal Control came and got them the next day. The guests complained more about that than they ever did about the presence of the actual foxes. They were so beautiful.....and I missed them when they were finally all caught and removed.

Posted by: kimmykins13 at December 07, 2006 07:48 PM (HUKlZ)

14 Am just back from Upper Buttfuck. The bins still aren't empty and despite repeated calls to the council, I don't think it's going to happen (I swear I haven't been naughty with them, I swear it!) Angus is threatening to take the bin and dump it on the council's steps. As for the fox...I have to confess I was worried it was still poisonous. I worried burying it would be an invite to Gorby who seemed ultra keen on fox smell. I confess said lovely little fox now resides, double bagged, in the full bin. I confess I feel really, really bad about that. That? And my germphobia is setting in and making me terrified of the bin.

Posted by: Helen at December 07, 2006 09:41 PM (jSskb)

15 What a beautiful fox. I think the bin might be the best place for it - and hopefully the garbage will be picked up soon. I would worry about Gorby going and digging it up more than I would about giving the poor fox a proper burial. Becuse of your love of Elf and taking pictures of yourself watching it .... the husband is going to buy a PSP for the "family" heh. Sucker. I'm so sorry you found the fox dead in your garden. I really don't know what else to say because, well, that sums it up. I hope that your day doesn't suck ass tomorrow ... or if it does let's hope it doesn't suck as much ass. - From someone else who is having an ass-sucking day.

Posted by: Michele at December 07, 2006 10:39 PM (5VGFA)

16 That's very very sad.

Posted by: Mia at December 08, 2006 04:08 AM (MxZ0R)

17 Foxes are bad for carrying rabies, maybe if you called and told them it is in your trash they would pick it up faster. Definatly don't bury it, Gorby could catch whatever killed it, if it wasn't poisoned.

Posted by: Donna at December 08, 2006 04:38 AM (Oc14c)

18 Just thought I'd share this with your elf lovin' bad ass. http://www.elfyourself.com/ Enjoy!

Posted by: Michele at December 08, 2006 05:31 AM (5VGFA)

19 <> Exactly at least you noticed do for he(she?) as your beliefs dictate and move on... well I think some foxglove would be nice if you didn't have dogs and kids.... so a rosebush might be better....

Posted by: LarryConley at December 08, 2006 07:04 AM (AkTxh)

20 No rabies in the UK. It's one of the reasons for the 6 month quarantine for pets here, and why our pets all have to have passports and have to go through a veritable barrage of shots to travel. Like Hawaii, we are rabies-less, so was only really worried about the poison aspect. That, and the fox coming to life and killing me.

Posted by: Helen at December 08, 2006 04:35 PM (NXqKu)

21 I'm shocked that no one commented on Summer Magic! Love that movie! Not as much as I love Elf.

Posted by: SaraJane at December 12, 2006 04:15 PM (t5Xsa)

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