My very favorite Christmas song has long been I'll Be Home for Christmas. Because I was kind of raised by television, I want to say the first time I heard it was not, as you might have suspected, on my beloved John Denver and the Muppets Christmas CD, but I'm pretty sure the first time I heard it was on a commercial. Folger's, in fact. A son in the army catches a bus home, sneaks into the house, and smiles at the tree. I'll Be Home for Christmas is playing in the background. The very thoughtful breaking-and-entering son decides to make coffee (Folger's, wouldn't you know it) and the mom awakens to the beautiful smell of dissolving caffeine crystals and heads downstairs with a smile, not for a moment wondering why Mr. Theif broke in AND decided to make coffee while doing so. When mom sees the son she bursts into tears and then the beautiful I'll Be Home for Christmas disappears into: The best part of waking up....

Still.

Love the song.

It's a very simple song-short, easy lyrics, easy on the ear (especially considering it was first done by Bing Crosby in 1943, and he's got the voice of an angel. Also? Bing. Bing. "Francisco, oooooh, that's fun to say." Bing. OK, I'm done now.)

I'll be home for Christmas,
You can count on me.
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents under the tree.
Christmas Eve will find me,
Where the love light gleams.
I'll be home for Christmas,
If only in my dreams.
Christmas Eve will find me,
Where the love light gleams.
I'll be home for Christmas,
If only in my dreams.

Sweet. Lovely. Uplifting. This song-along with O Holy Night, which I like to pretend I can sing but can't due to the high notes. Or I should specify-I can hit the high notes, but only if I am really, really drunk. Then I'm sure I sing like Judy Garland, if Judy Garland really was a drunk.

Oh wait.

So this year-along with the Christmas carols and Elf twice a day-I've been pretty maniacal with the decorating.

Advent candles on the fireplace mantle.

Candles inside and the tree outside decorated with lights.

A daytime view of the tree.

A close-up of some of the ornaments.

And finally a picture of the tree at night, lit up and sparkly (it looks particularly red here, but don't worry, our home isn't actually a discotheque).

The previous years we had one string of lights and silver ball ornaments only on the tree. This year, I started buying ornaments in July, during the heat wave. I started dreaming of Christmas early on this year. I started wanting something more.

And I think it's because-for the first time in my entire life-I live in a house that I love wholeheartedly.

The house I owned in Dallas I loved, too. I remember that time in my life with distinct fondness-I was single, earning extremely good money, had a cute VW convertible and two lovely dogs, and I was single-my life was my own, every decoration in the house there because I wanted it there. The problem was the little house was in a not very good area of Oak Cliff, so while I loved the little house, I had a lot of home protection devices.

No, this house? I feel completely safe in. I love many little details of the house and plan excitedly on the extension. This house, which I swear we were meant to have, with this ridiculous colored dog and these two black and white cats. This is where I am supposed to be.

I ride the train home, and home to me has a wagging tail and the scent of coffee and oranges. It's got a bedroom I love and a study that needs tidying badly but is a space which I get to call all mine. There are couches that are comfy, a fireplace that accommodates, and a canine that makes me laugh a dozen times a day.

I have always loved that song but it hit me yesterday, walking through the bustling and hustling streets of London to get to an appointment, the lamps festooned with burgundy bows and lights hanging across the roads, that getting home and sitting by the tree was what I wanted most of all.

I never thought I could ever get there. I never imagined living on the end of an unmade road in the English countryside. I couldn't have possibly predicted that a white house in a foreign country would be the one place I feel 100% comfortable. I never deserved something like this, but now that I am here my degree of gratitude is something that shakes me every single day.

We get to have Christmas here and yes, it will be hectic, fraught, loud, giggly, nightmarish, fantastic, and busy.

We get to have Christmas here and it's the first ever big Christmas I've ever held.

We get to have Christmas here. It's as simple and as complicated as that.

I'll Be Home for Christmas was a song. It was a ground instant coffee commercial. It was Old Blue Eyes on the radio. It was something I played on an endless loop as I had an endless parade of houses I lived in and endlessly moved from. It was something that I yearnt for. When I moved to Europe I thought the "Only in my dreams" part of the song meant I'd be dreaming of a Christmas in my mother's home. Seven years on, and I am instead dreaming of a New Year's at my father's.

My own dreams, my "only in my dreams"? That part came true. That part happened. I'm awake and it's here and there's a big tree in the living room, I have a home with a glowing boyfriend and the uber-dog.

This year, for the first time in my entire life, I'll be home for Christmas.

It hit me on the busy London street, and it made me cry with ridiculous happiness.

-H.

PS-my sistah. Me-and my Hallmark commercials-are here for you. I'll even bring Sprout games.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 06:16 AM | Comments (11) | Add Comment
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1 Your tree is beautiful!!! And... I couldn't even read the words to that song without crying. Never can.

Posted by: pam at December 13, 2006 12:30 PM (l6NIn)

2 Dreams are only an arm's length away and you can grasp them if you wish hard enough. I am so happy that you get to be home for Christmas, Helen.

Posted by: kenju at December 13, 2006 01:19 PM (L8e9z)

3 That sounded sappy, and it doesn't read how I meant it to. Disregard the part about dreams, but I AM pleased for you.

Posted by: kenju at December 13, 2006 01:20 PM (L8e9z)

4 There are two Christmas albums that announce the arrival of Christmas in our household, John Denver & The Muppets Christmas, and the Elvis Christmas CD. The Muppets are the BEST. This year, seconded by a collection of 40s cowboys like Bob Wills & Texas Playboys and Gene Autry, etc, singing Christmas. It's good to be home.

Posted by: gennimcmahon at December 13, 2006 01:55 PM (QqF9v)

5 That wasn't just some random army son, that was Peter! To this VERY day, if me or my sisters start to cry over something silly, one of the others will always say, "Peter!" just like the mom did when she came down the stairs. To me, Christmas always means Elvis and Bing Crosby. They both died in '77, so I'm thinking that somehow melded them together in my mind? Who knows.. Have you ever seen White Christmas? It's got Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, Rosemary Clooney and Vera Ellen. It's not Christmas unless I've seen that movie. I've been watching it almost as much as I've been watching Elf.

Posted by: Lindsay at December 13, 2006 02:31 PM (8X2F0)

6 Maybe you can help me find my Christmas Orgasm.

Posted by: statia at December 13, 2006 04:31 PM (NsnoE)

7 I heard O Holy Night (my absolute most favorite Christmas song EVER) on the radio last night (Josh Groban singing) and I totally cried like a sissy baby. That song, when sung with just enough power and emotion, but not over the top obnoxiousness (hellooo Jessica Simpson and Christina Aguilera) gives me chills and makes me cry every single time. I didn't even know Josh Groban recorded it until last night. I'll Be Home For Christmas has always been one of my favorites too, and I totally know the commercial you're talking about. Do you remember the one with the little girl who comes down the stairs when her brother or something comes home in the middle of the night? That was a coffee commercial too.

Posted by: girl at December 13, 2006 08:47 PM (z6Kyx)

8 I went to Gonzaga University, which has a Bing Crosby shrine. He grew up in the neighborhood, and in fact his childhood home is the Alumni Association office. (They've bulldozed the rest of the block for parking, but Bing is sacred.) What that means is that a side effect of life at GU is an unofficial history of All Things Bing, many apocryphal. He did not, in fact, get expelled— he left the college to pursue his career. However, he did in fact record "Little Drummer Boy" with David Bowie, in perhaps one of the strangest promotional ideas ever. And the pipe in the statue at the Crosby Center is screw-in, because it kept getting broken off. Now it only gets put in for special occasions. Oh, and GU has a connection to John Denver too. GU was home to the Chad Mitchell Trio, a group Denver either tried to join or was a replacement in, I don't remember which. ... that was an interesting memory dredge... Incidentally, I think that ANY song is better when sung with heartfelt emotion. Josh Groban is, indeed, quite good at knowing just how much to put into a song. And oh! such a voice...

Posted by: B. Durbin at December 14, 2006 02:38 AM (tie24)

9 I love that Folger's commercial! I'm glad you're Home for Christmas this year. It's been a long time coming.

Posted by: Lisa at December 14, 2006 02:43 AM (ELUjU)

10 That was absolutely beautiful.I have always loved that song but found"if only in my dreams" depressing until right now.Thank you so much for putting a new spin on that for me.Like you,I AM home for Christmas.

Posted by: Melissa at December 14, 2006 06:09 PM (G9Mq2)

11 Oh yes, Josh Groban's "O Holy Night" is completely blissful. Also, speaking of "I'll Be Home For Christmas", he just recorded that as well. hehe

Posted by: Lacy at December 19, 2006 05:53 AM (RpZDY)

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