The best quote I ever read was by the actress Maura Tierney. It has become my favorite quote of all times, one of those simple things that has none of the inspiration or power that Churchill or Benny Franklin would add, and none of the twee shit you'd expect from Dave Berry or George Carlin.

It was this: We are less afraid of aging than of you watching us age.

Outstanding.

This is one of my all-time greatest fears. Growing old is incredibly frightening, growing old gracefully something that I yearn for, much like Old Yeller was keen on that final drink of water he had. If I have one girly prayer that can be answered, it's not "Dear God please don't ever let me be in an accident wearing Granny Panties," or "Dear God please keep my period from showing up while dressed in white at Elton John's Black and White Ball" (because, you know, that happens to me all the time). No, my girly prayer is this: "Dear God please let me grow old gracefully. And if you're into extra credit points, if you help keep me from having that turkey neck thing I promise to stop sitting around thinking of inventive phrases using the word 'fuck'. ThanksGodokbye."

See, it's harder for women. Men? They get distinguished. Women? We just get rode hard and put up wet. Men get salt and pepper hair. Women get told by Andie McDowell that we should use Clairol because she's worth it, never mind what we're worth (the hidden message here is: "Go ahead! Use Clairol and see if you can clean yourself up! I'm Andie McDowell for Chrissake, and yes ok it was me who said the most ridiculous line ever: 'Is it raining? I hadn't noticed.' but I'm getting paid big money here, ladies, and I'm doing it for YOU.") Men get sports cars and wear turtlenecks with leather jackets. Women get stretchy trousers and sensible shoes. Men get an earring or flash sunglasses. Women get housecoats and show up in public with pink sponge rollers in our hair.

Like many things in life-including but not limited to glass ceilings, longer life expectancies (because it is SO GREAT to imagine living out our years in a retirement home after our men have kicked off, fighting over Wenchell the Wonder Dweedle in the Palm Sands Home for Retirement as he's the only man left alive in there, never mind his collection of cicada carcasses), and that ever annoying bleeding out of the snatch once a month-the aging thing is yet another way that women get screwed.

Look at how Hollywood (ever the bastion of reality) phrases things-the 64 year-old Harrison Ford is considered "Rugged". The gorgeous 60 year-old Susan Sarandon gets things written about her "political belief system" instead of her beauty (never mind that she's not only nearly twice my age but she's way hotter than I am.) It's impossible to win when men are expected to age and women are expected to not just arrest the clock, but beat the fucking thing senseless while turning it back in a haze of liposuction and gym visits. Men pack 6 packs when they're younger and when they're older a paunch is ok. Women are considered to be "letting themselves go" if we get a love handle or two, and we don't get to have 6 packs when we get older unless they're stuffed with grey-covering hair dyes.

I worry about this myself. I don't want Angus to look over at me and think: Hmm. She's getting some Crow's Feet. May be time to patrol the latest clubs for her replacement.

Not that he would.

In fact, he thinks our age difference is a massive negative.

But I think he's the minority in this.

I don't worry that I'll be traded in for a younger model (no really, I don't.)

Although he did refer to me as "The Old Boot" last night.

No, my fear is getting older in front of the eyes of someone that I want to view me as immortal. I want Angus to think I look young and healthy (pay no attention to the gallon of Oil of Olay in the cupboard, baby. I don't actually drink the stuff. Mostly.) I want Angus to think I have smooth buttercup skin and a twinkle in my eye like moistened dew. I want Angus to think that the firmness in my thighs will be there forever, that my skin will never ever be like saltwater taffy in that he can hold onto it and I can walk into another room, using my skin as a windshield to stop the dog.

I don't want to grow old in front of his eyes, mostly because he hasn't grown older in mine. Maybe the truth is, I'm not growing older in his eyes. It's my own eyesight that is failing me.

*Sigh* just like fucking everything else falling apart.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 06:46 AM | Comments (7) | Add Comment
Post contains 831 words, total size 5 kb.

1 You see older couples on the street, quite often. I wouldn't want to have anything to do with them right now, because they're old and squishy and... old. But I think as you grow old together, it just gets quite normal and comfortable, nothing all too weird about it. So I think in your case, Angus will probably still see you the same exact way (still beautiful) in 30 years. I've decided that there's no way I'm cutting my hair short and dying it one of those icky colors when it goes gray. What's wrong with going gray? My mom's gray but it's actually a really pretty silver color - wish she'd understand that.

Posted by: Hannah at July 11, 2006 08:04 AM (5w+E2)

2 You are way too young to be wiring a lament about etting older. Wait until you are 65! If there is true love present, your growing older is of no moment at all to your partner. Yes, you do mourn the lost youth and beauty, but you both do it - so it's nothing to be scared of. The only reason I dyed my hair is tht when it started to turn gray, it was completely unmanageable - wiry and fly-away. The dye controls that better than anything else.

Posted by: kenju at July 11, 2006 01:07 PM (2+7OT)

3 That was supposed to say "writing a lament about getting older". LOL

Posted by: kenju at July 11, 2006 01:08 PM (2+7OT)

4 You're right. We live in an age where "Men age and women rot." I think it was Gloria Steinem who said that.

Posted by: impossiblejane at July 11, 2006 01:58 PM (gNyGH)

5 I just accept it as part of life... getting old. I mean, it sure beats the alternative (not getting older, you know, dying...)

Posted by: sue at July 11, 2006 02:17 PM (WbfZD)

6 My Sweet, Was that a Freudian slip? Angus sees it as "a massive negative"? I sincerely doubt THAT. You will be an adorable and wise, old "boot," regardless.

Posted by: Deb at July 11, 2006 04:23 PM (GOFVL)

7 I am twice your age, so I get to comment. Angus will not think you have crows feet. His eyesight will be diminished a little. He will not see your imperfections. In fact, Angus will look at you and consider himself very lucky, all his friends significant others are getting old, but you are not getting old. As a man,one of the pure joys of getting old is that more and more women look good. When you are thirty, men don't look at sixty year old women. When you are 60 you look at all the women from 70 on down. It is like finding a whole new garden of flowers to admire. So based on poor eyesight and an active libido, I hope that you will be able to keep up with Angus.

Posted by: iowaslovak at July 12, 2006 04:48 AM (vBa9j)

Hide Comments | Add Comment