I had a phone call onthe 4th of July from someone who works with a consulting company we sometimes work with. It was a woman that I'd been exchanging emails with about work things, and had I not heard her voice I'd have never guessed she was an American so there you have it- another example of this weird and wild thing called technology. After listening to her voice mail, I rang her back.

It was the usual business issue before she did It. You know, It. It. The "So where are you from?" It. She did It, and I answered that I am a Texan.

"How funny!" she replied. "I'm from Boston!" Because, you know, it is.

"Cool," I said. "Boston is seriously cool."

"I had just read from my page-a-day scripture today that [and here she went off into something about Ezekial 22:7 something or other.] Isn't that funny?" she chirped.

"Umm....yes." I replied. I am not an expert on the Bible. I read it many years ago, but if I tried to hold one these days it'd either spontaneously burst into flame or beat me about the head like a Harry Potter magified book.

"How'd you celebrate the 4th of July?" she asked.

"Oh we celebrated on Saturday. We had loads of friends and family over, we had massive quantities of food and a load of alcohol. Then we lit up fireworks and stayed up too late. What'd you do?" I replied.

"On Sunday we went with some American friends and worshipped at the house of the Lord."

Okaaaaaaaaay.

"Do you celebrate Thanksgiving, too?" she asked hopefully.

Oh Jesus, I can't even begin to imagine the degree of prayer needed for that holiday in her house. I wonder what it'd be like to have a face to face with her-I'd sit down across the table from her, her halo on bright and shiny. "Have you found God, Helen?" she'd ask. I'd pull my bottle of Stoli off my leather chaps and plunk it on the table. "God? Yeah. I done found him. He owes me money." I'd say, swigging and wiping the spillage on my arm, and then proceed to suck the absorbed Stoli off my ratty plaid shirt.

I always wonder, when talking to people that are religious, if they will try to convert me. I don't think that is actually the case, that there's a thermometer drawn on a piece of white paper in their bedroom with the top label "Only 20,000 more souls to save!" I'm likely just paranoid. No really. Stop looking at me like that. Are you talking about me behind my back?

Conversion is a popular theme in my life lately. Last weekend when I served up the waffles, it turned out most of the guests had never had waffles.

*Pauses for effect*

Were you as shocked as I was? Good. Not only had they never had them, but they found the idea of maple syrup on waffles to be revolting.

I tell you-I'm surrounded by luddites.

Everyone tried it and, to my delight and smugness, they loved it.

Conversion complete. I hereby baptize thee as Carb Lovers.

They in turn have converted me as a Pimms lover. Pimms, a lovely elixir you mix with lemonade and chuck fruit into. Pimms, a soft warmly-colored drink that knocks the legs out from under you when you least expect it. Pimms, the highlight of the summer. I drink the stuff now, and I love it.

See? Not all conversion is a bad thing.

-H.

PS-Conversion continue (a la Circle of Life nonsense). I am a believer again, thanks to the good news here.

PPS-I have no problem with those who have a god, just in case you were thinking of sending hate mail. Just because god owes me money doesn't mean I rubbish those who have religion. You have a god? Cool.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:22 AM | Comments (12) | Add Comment
Post contains 644 words, total size 4 kb.

1 what? people in england don't eat waffles?!

Posted by: geeky at July 06, 2006 12:05 PM (ziVl9)

2 No one had ever had waffles! What in the world do they eat for breakfast over there? I am very curious. Are there no pancake houses? Next you'll tell me no hashbrowns, either!

Posted by: Teri at July 06, 2006 12:36 PM (K7jOL)

3 And I am converting Colorado to Pimms lovers...I can't help it - it's the fruity goodness.

Posted by: K at July 06, 2006 02:00 PM (ks9RP)

4 I don't know why, but I'm always so surprised to hear about that the overenthusiastic variety of Christian exists in Europe. I tend to think of it as a very American thing.

Posted by: mac at July 06, 2006 02:39 PM (4sb5H)

5 Pimms is definitely the stuff of the gods... I alternate between craving Pimms and craving Pastis during the summer.

Posted by: martha at July 06, 2006 03:07 PM (Ez1LO)

6 Dunno Mac-the only enthusiastic Christians I've met since moving to Europe? All Americans.

Posted by: Helen at July 06, 2006 03:28 PM (e4NUE)

7 Hey, now that you mention it, I think he owes me some serious money too.

Posted by: Halo at July 06, 2006 05:51 PM (wypb3)

8 You seriously have to try spreading peanut butter on your waffle before you pour on the syrup! Let me know what you think about that "flavor"!

Posted by: Steff at July 06, 2006 06:25 PM (fIFtd)

9 For me, baseball is proof of the existence of God. However, to each his/her own. As one who lived in TX myself and worked as a waiter, I often had customers ask me questions like "Have accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?" I found it was easiest to turn it right around on them by simply saying "Haven't you?" It stops them in their tracks everytime.

Posted by: ~Easy at July 06, 2006 07:09 PM (CZPRx)

10 The American woman you speak of reminded me of a character in Absolutely Fabulous...Marshall's girlfriend? Bo? Yay on the waffle conversion...I converted my mother-in-law into a french toast (or eggy bread?!) with maple syrup lover - yum!

Posted by: Juls at July 06, 2006 10:50 PM (ka1Yp)

11 oh weird! well, i can tell you that not everyone from boston is that scary! ;-) and, now i'm hungry for waffles. mmmm

Posted by: kat at July 10, 2006 02:43 PM (xJGrF)

12 My personal favorite is converting people to liking cranberry sauce. The secret? They go from hating cranberry sauce to liking *my* cranberry sauce... because I use things like orange juice and cinnamon. But that's better than not liking cranberry sauce at all... (I utterly love cranberry sauce on waffles, BTW. But only the orangey-cinnamon kind.)

Posted by: B. Durbin at July 12, 2006 12:37 AM (tie24)

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