On Sunday morning, I woke up and the fog had lifted.

Just like that, I got excited about something other than photography. I thought about something and I wasn't automatically exhausted doing it. I felt the need to do something for the first time since the beginning of September.

Yesterday one of Angus' best friends was over to help us drain and fill the radiators-central heating time of year is upon us and a test showed that the last occupant was maybe not so good at keeping the radiators in shape. It was a long, horrible messy day for them (I simply kept them fed-salmon, tomato and basil soup for lunch, pumpkin muffins for a snack) and at the end of the day, they'd done it and the house is nice and toasty now.

Sitting at the dining room table with his mate, we talked at length. He's a good guy who has always been kind to me, even when it wasn't politically correct to do so. He's had a hard time of it lately, and he talked to me quietly about the therapist he's seeing. I talked about the therapist I'm seeing. He was quite surprised that I am in therapy, but considering the house was in generally not great shape, I don't know why he thought that. He said (overlooking the dust behind the radiators and the unfinished projects all over the house) that he'd never have thought I was depressed, I always seem so happy.

I carved a pumpkin then, and made them hot tea.

Walking Gorby in the cold rainy October fog this morning, I thought about the house. I thought about the house....and I felt energy. I thought about the drawings we're assembling to present to an architect for our extensions (the extensions, they are vast) and I had ideas. I had ideas...and this was a first for a long time.

When we got inside, Angus and I started talking about the ideas. I took a shower and we got dressed and we went out, and the whole time, we talked about ideas. I got excited.

We drove to a shopping centre. We'd both had enough of the living room. The living room is one of the last rooms to be addressed, as work has been ongoing elsewhere. The living room had two problems:

1) Nothing matched the walls.
2) Nothing matched anything else.

I'd had enough of being depressed about it.

I got £500 in vouchers from work for John Lewis, a nice up-market shop. We took those vouchers and went to the furniture department, where we bounced around on sofas, trying to pick out the best ones. In the end, we decided on a range we liked (which looks nicer in person than it does in the pics). We needed to measure up the living room so we couldn't buy them on the spot. We asked the frigid salesman about availability and he confirmed they had some, but not many. Could we ring them with the voucher numbers?, we asked. The frigid man bristled and said No, sir, no shop accepts vouchers over the phone or over the web.

So we went home, measured up the living room, and then used the vouchers (and Visa) over the web to buy the couches.

They should arrive soon, and I'm ecstatic.

We also arranged to put one piece of our furniture on ebay-Angus' grandmother left him her sideboard, which he's not that fond of. It's hopefully going to a good home now. We had a 1940's table in bad shape that sat in one corner of the living room-that went, too. The TV is getting moved to another side of the living room and our new couches arrive soon.

Soon.

Then I tackled the house, and we both went on a cleaning frenzy.

And for the first time in a long time, I'm feeling chipper.

And for the first time in a long time, I feel like I can think about things.

And for the first time in a long time, I went to bed without sleeping tablets.

My fog is not all gone, but it's definitely lifting. Maybe all I needed was to bounce around with some retail therapy. Maybe it's because I just got so sick of the living room. Maybe it's because I got so sick of feeling so awful.

Maybe, it was just time that I needed.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 06:08 AM | Comments (9) | Add Comment
Post contains 761 words, total size 4 kb.

1 Here's to the fog's lifting... *clink*. Happy plans, happy new sofa, happy ... all of it.

Posted by: Lisa at October 23, 2006 06:23 AM (ELUjU)

2 Interesting metaphor, that the fog lifts during the most foggy season. I'm glad for you! Nice couch, too, by the way... it looks like one of those awesome ones you can just sink into. Enjoy!

Posted by: Hannah at October 23, 2006 07:54 AM (ImQx2)

3 That's VERY good news, and you're right, it's all about the time.

Posted by: deeleea at October 23, 2006 12:16 PM (SAscy)

4 Do you have a recipe for pumpkin muffins? I've been looking for one.

Posted by: Jennifer at October 23, 2006 01:28 PM (V45OB)

5 rats. this is in such contrast with what is on flickr... bah, cycling sucks...

Posted by: regularjoe at October 23, 2006 06:58 PM (PUc5q)

6 Good for you. I love fall. Sometimes I think the weather itself cheers me.

Posted by: caltechgirl at October 23, 2006 08:30 PM (r0kgl)

7 Glad your fog is lifting; maybe cooler weather helped.

Posted by: kenju at October 24, 2006 12:32 AM (L8e9z)

8 Back again. I just saw your post of 10-16 and I couldn't leave a comment there, so I am back to say that Scotland becomes you! What gorgeous photos; especially the one of you on the green path between the trees!

Posted by: kenju at October 24, 2006 12:38 AM (L8e9z)

9 Excellent, Helen! Maybe it's some combination of everything, but I am so glad you had a good day. And yeah, even though I hate to shop (slightly odd body type leading to the dawning realization of WHY nothing ever fits right), I have been known to be cheered up by retail therapy. Last time I even got a shirt that will only have to be altered a little, and it's got LACE!

Posted by: B. Durbin at October 24, 2006 03:07 AM (tie24)

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