I was reading in bed last night, curled on my side with my very attractive nursing pillow propping my shoulders up (nursing pillows are shaped like horseshoes and have a secondary feature which makes them rock-they go between the legs to try to keep you laying on your side. Somehow I wind up on my back anyway (insert joke here) but in general it's a good thing. Plus? Best. Reading. Pillow. Ever.) when I felt moisture on my arm. Wearily, I reached up to my face. If there's water flowing, chances are it's coming from my nose. I've suffered a whole lifetime of bloody noses anyway, pregnancy has simply made them worse (along with the tinnitus and back ache. Fun times, my friend. Fun times.) Only my nose was dry. I wasn't having a nosebleed. So I look up at the ceilling figuring we have a leak somewhere, only that's dry, too. I put my book down and start investigating.

I find where the water's coming from.

It's coming from my breasts.

My reaction was swift: HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I'M LACTATING.

That's right-my colostrum has come in.

Now, you might think that a pregnant chick finding a milk bar around her ribcage is a normal thing and, well, you'd be pretty well-versed on biology. But here's the thing - many, many years ago I had a radical breast reduction. They took my enormous fun bags from a DD to a B cup in one day. I was in the hospital for days, in bandages for weeks, I had hundreds of stitches and I lost 2/3 of my breasts. I had my nipples removed, re-sized (they were the size of teacups prior to the surgery. I know, that's so hot, isn't it?) and sewn back on. I have Frankennipples.

Frankennipples which I was told would never, ever produce milk ever because not only were the majority of the milk glands gone, but the nipples had been surgically removed. My little nubbins were re-sized on a stainless steel tray and then put back on (I know this, I even have a slight puckering on one of them where they pulled the stitches too tight). My Porsche-driving plastic surgeon breezily informed me that Hades would enjoy a light dusting of snowfall before I'd ever have breastmilk flowing from these babies.

So...what? The nipples sought company? They spontaneously grew ducts to the handful of milk glands I have left?

I have a doctor's appointment on Tuesday, where I'll ask if I am, indeed, a big heifer who's got her own dairy substitute coming out of the boobage or if I just have some kind of infection. I'm kinda' doubting I have an infection because 1) the breasts feel fine and 2) both of my breasts are leaking (admittedly one more than the other). But I'm shocked beyond compare-it's like finding out that you've spent your life walking on two legs because you were told you would never fly, and then discovering one evening that those things on your back, they're wings after all, so you have a choice of walking or flying after all.

Whose body is this?

I have to confess here that while I absolutely accept, understand and agree that breastfeeding is the best choice for baby and the healthiest option for both mom and baby, it's something I've never been a fan of. This is not me judging other women here, I think women that breastfeed are following their own personal choice and I applaud them. I also think people that get uptight about breastfeeding mothers in public are ridiculous-breasts are indeed a sexual object but they are also a nurturing object. Breastfeeding falls under that "nurturing" side of things, let's pack up the prudism here. I personally have never wanted to breastfeed, and I have spent nearly half my life believing that I couldn't, anyway, so nothing to dwell on.

But now maybe there is something to dwell on.

I discussed it with Angus last night-he's of the "it's best for baby" frame of mind, which makes me feel like one very rotten mom indeed. It is best for baby. But I don't want to do it. Truthfully, I doubt very much I'll be able to, anyway-I'm sure the limited amount of glands I have left won't feed one baby, let alone two.

But the real reason why I don't want to do it is because of the stress-I read so many things and hear from so many moms about the discomfort and stress that breastfeeding brings. I've seen blogs of heartbroken moms who can't understand why they don't make enough milk/make too much milk/get impacted ducts/get crusty nipples/have to spend their free time pumping/you name it. The stress seems to be absolutely enormous.

And I am already stressed to maximum fucking limits, even before I read this. Now, the pressure feels enormous.

Anyway, it's one of many things I'm handling here.

Yesterday I just didn't feel well. I felt off all day long and I never figured out why. The kidney infection rages on, despite the antibiotics I'm on. I don't know if or when the infection will ever leave but it's draining me horribly. I am trying to get renal scans booked and Foggy recommended stenting, which sounds horrible but at this point if it'll help I say we go for it.

From all the infection fun I lost 3 kilos (6.6 pounds), and although I've put on half a kilo since the hospital, I'm in my third trimester now, which for twins means that any weight gain I have now will be water weight. My stomach is squished and compacted so I can't eat much. The average recommended weight gain for twins is about 45 pounds. I've gained a grand total of 22 pounds. If the babies weren't so active all the time, I'd be more worried, but I'm definitely baking future athletes in there. Currently, my intestines are being used for football practice.

I cannot sleep. I get uncomfortable easily and I have to run to the toilet and squeeze whatever drops of horrible wee I can get from my battered bladder and ureter. I have looked longingly at the sleeping tablets in our bathroom cabinet and thought Well, I need to get the kids used to a Valley of the Dolls lifestyle sooner or later anyway. But I won't take sleeping tablets (no really, I won't-I may be desperate for sleep but it's not good for the babies and I'd rather not be Postcards From the Edge) and instead I just toss and turn. I am so tired you wouldn't believe it. That, and I get contractions. Contractions hurt. I am not a fan of the contractions.

So I'm tired and moody - last night had a round of me nearly wailing to Angus about how fucking unattractive and huge I feel. He was very sweet and told me that I am still very attractive and that yes, I am large, but the hugeness will disappear. I know there's a limit to how much of me wigging out he can take, though, so I need to try to handle things.

I'm sorry if I seem really complain-y on my blog lately. I'm not ungrateful that I get to be a mother, I'm really not, and I do truly love the two passengers I've not met yet. I confess I did think pregnancy would be easier than this, though. I knew that birthing part was hard and that there was great discomfort in the end, but I hadn't understood the exhaustion, the aching, the pains, the kicking, and above all the kidney infections. I thought pregnancy would be warm and glowy, a touchy-feely extravaganza and something where I would feel one with Angus and one with nature, the discomfort coming only during the last few weeks and during that messy birthing business.

I'll pause a moment here and wait for you experienced mothers and fathers to wipe the tears of laughter from your eyes.

In short-I have absolutely no control over my body right now. It's as mystifying as the reponse "Nothing," that men give when you ask them what they're thinking. It's all really fun here.

But at least I have backup if I run out of milk for my coffee.

-H.

PS-many huge thanks to Sophie, who sent an amazing mobile for the babies' wall. I love it, thank you so much.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:59 AM | Comments (32) | Add Comment
Post contains 1412 words, total size 8 kb.

1 Well, if you do have milk, one option is to pump as much as you can and supplement with formula. It's sort of a compromise. It might be impossible with twins but I exclusively pumped for over 9 months, then I tailed it off and started supplementing. You can buy bras that leave your hands free while you pump the milk. There's even a battery pack so you can walk around with the pump. It's not easy but it's an option if you really don't want to BF but you still want your babies have some breastmilk. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

Posted by: paula at August 10, 2007 12:04 PM (FlZPw)

2 Helen, I'm so sorry that your pregnancy is so tough on you. My wife, other than having to eat a case or two of Tums to combat the constant heartburn, actually enjoyed being pregnant. Regardless, you are in for something truly amazing: parenthood. You'lle laugh, cry and pull your hair out, all while you look back on the days when you used to sleep. And you will experience joy that couldn't have imagined. I'm looking forward to the first mommy post.

Posted by: physics geek at August 10, 2007 12:47 PM (MT22W)

3 Your pregnancy is worse than each of the Super Model's were. You've had some unusual "things" occur AND you're having twins. Angel3 (who's been colicky for almost 3 weeks now) gave Mrs. Solomon a lot of discomfort, but nothing like what you're going through. I agree nursing is best for babies, but with twins it's tough. Even if you had 2 fully functional "wells", I think I'd bottle feed. It allows others (not just Angus) to help feed them and alleviates a LOT of stress. I've said since Angel1 was born, "Nursing is the best kept secret" about having babies. We never heard 1 story about breast feeding gone bad...but apparently it does quite frequently. Kids not latching on right, moms not making enough milk or making too much, getting engorged, getting blisters,... I'm a huge fan of nursing, but with twins it seems impractical. If I had twins (as my sister-in-law did), I'd bottle feed from the get go and not think twice about it...ever. : )

Posted by: Solomon at August 10, 2007 01:15 PM (al5Ou)

4 Having not been of the knocked up variety ever in my life, I don't assume to speak of how difficult it is. However, my sister and best friend was pregnant twice when we lived just five minutes apart. Her second pregnancy was in the "highly unpleasant" category, and yours sounds worse than hers. It's not a competition, and you don't sound ungrateful, you just sound like all pregnant women at this stage--ready to not be pregnant any more. Hang in there, dear. two little bundles of joy are at the end of this unpleasant journey.

Posted by: sophie at August 10, 2007 01:35 PM (AY+fk)

5 Long ago when Gameboy was still actively abusing the inside of my uterus (and ribs, and bladder...) I felt the sting of the "how could you not breastfeed" barb. But, despite being too young to have a fucking clue, I stood my ground and actively chose not to breastfeed for a lot of reasons which aren't really all that important. What is important is the hindsight I have now; looking back at the stress, how unprepared I really was, how I can walk a dangerous line of mental stability - I know that NOT breastfeeding was the right thing for both of us. And I've never felt guilty since. Good luck - whatever you decide to try.

Posted by: cursingmama at August 10, 2007 01:42 PM (PoQfr)

6 I hope you don't think this is assvice. But what you can do to get that whole nurturing thing is simply feed them in just diapers while you and Angus are topless. You might also take your bra off while you bottle feed. Newborns need that skin-to-skin contact - who cares if they are eating from a bottle while they get it? We learned that in the hospital - the nurses reminded Jake to take his shirt off as much as possible when he held her, especially in those first couple of weeks. In the early days, you'll probably have to undress them down to their diapers to get them to wake up to eat anyway.

Posted by: donna at August 10, 2007 01:53 PM (Kco5r)

7 Don't worry about the stress/sleepless study. No one has more trouble sleeping than my wife. No one. And our little doll has been fine. It takes decent amount of time to get the kids flipped (their day's and nights are backwards - I'm sure you've read that) - but once you do, itÂ’s just the nightly feedings that suck until they get beyond that... At some point, these is a parental gene that kicks in or something and you don't even miss the sleep after a while.

Posted by: Clancy at August 10, 2007 01:54 PM (X+xFB)

8 I am with you all the way! It is hard, and its not getting any better and I am only carrying one! You are kicking my ass with the weight gain, im 2 weeks ahead and up *gasp* 36 lbs! All the while working out and eating very well- its a dang joke! So I too feel like the borad side of a barn! Anyway- I hope your infection clears up soon, its total BS that you have to deal with all of that on top of baking up the Lemonheads. I hate it for you. My jaw dropped when I read your colosturm is in! I knew you were keen on breastfeeding but wondered how this could change your view. If it stays on your mind you could always keep the LH's on the bottle and "just" pump- see what your working with. Then if it is sucking the life right out of you, and or the supply isnt enough you ditch it and never think about it again. Sort of assvise there but just what I was thinking. Whatever you do the babe's will be perfect, so please do the ole' grain of salt here. Hang in there my friend! The end, she IS near Christina

Posted by: Christina at August 10, 2007 01:59 PM (FXxJ1)

9 My apologies- that should have read "not keen on breastfeeding" C

Posted by: Christina at August 10, 2007 02:00 PM (FXxJ1)

10 Don't let anyone get to you about your parenting choices. Every mom and every baby is different. And the breastfeeding nazis are entirely too serious about it, at least in the States. I can't tell you how many of my friends have been bullied to tears right after the birth of their precious babies, over a decision not to breastfeed or an inability to do right the first time. No assvice from me. There are plenty of good suggestions here already, and I'm certain whatever you and A decide is best will be best.

Posted by: caltechgirl at August 10, 2007 02:29 PM (qPLLC)

11 I didn't breastfeed either, but wish I had only for the immunity it gives the baby. Maybe you could pump for the colostrum and freeze it, that's the good stuff. And then use formula, because then you know how much they are getting and how good it is, (my reason for not breastfeeding in a nutshell). And feeling out of control of your body? Exactly what I didn't like about being pregnant....hang in there, not so much longer now!

Posted by: Donna at August 10, 2007 03:06 PM (8Rxfr)

12 So sorry you're having a rough go of it with the pregnancy. Understandable that you'd thought it would be easier - who really knows what it's like (with the zillions of variables) until they're immersed in it. And the kidney thing is an unexpected wrinkle that most women don' have to face. As for the breastfeeding, completely a personal decision. I didn't find it stressful at all (drink lots of water, get the nurses' help, hope for the best). In fact, whenever I wasn't sure whether to continue with it, I weighed the options of sterilizing bottles/mixing formula/getting the right temperature/cleaning up with whipping out my boob. Boob won.

Posted by: loribo at August 10, 2007 03:22 PM (MY7JG)

13 I remember being pregnant and waddling into the store my mother in law works in. Instead of telling me I looked great (even though I knew I looked like shit) she told Emma, "pregnancy must not agree with Mommy!" She would bring this up several more times because making me feel like shit makes her feel wonderful. I had the opposite reaction to the whole breastfeeding thing. I breastfed Emma and no one really said anything except for my brother who would rather not know that boobs were really for feeding kids instead of fun bags for himt o play with. After I had Abby I nursed her as I had planned on doing. It wasn't easy (it was easy with Emma .. she loved the boob) and I was in seeing a LC all of the time. After a little bit my mother in law (yeah, her again) looked at me disgusted and asked when I was going to finally "give that baby a bottle?!" I nursed Abby and refused to pump just to keep that woman away from her for as long as I could. Yes, I am evil, but so is she. No one really tells you that pregnancy is hard. Those who are going through fertility treatments feel like they can't complain about the aches and pains because they are damn lucky to be there in the first place. There are so very few people who have the happy glowing pregnancy thing but that's what we all wish it was like. Mother Earth creating life ... blah blah blah As for you and breastfeeding.... don't beat yourself up. It's hard enough nursing ONE baby, I'd imagine it would be damn near impossible to do two. You could always try pumping - although you will end up feeling like a dairy cow and will start mooing when you hear the whoosh-whoosh of the pump. You need to do what's best for you and the Lemonheads. If you're completely shattered, they're going to feel it too. You could always feed them someone else's breastmilk. *ducks*

Posted by: Michele at August 10, 2007 04:08 PM (H4SV7)

14 do what makes you comfortable and gives you the least amount of stress. you already know the pros and cons of it all. hang in there just a little while longer. btw, on my appt tues, the nurse mentioned that i should get a nursing bra because i could start leaking at any point. i wasn't expecting that at all - not at this point (27 w today). and now i keep wondering about it. obsess much?

Posted by: becky at August 10, 2007 04:48 PM (jv5jW)

15 I think the whole "not having control of your body" is to prepare you for not having control of ANYTHING once they're amongst you. At least, I think that's what my four have taught me. "Hah! You make plans! We change them!" (Which is really hard, when you're a Type-A, planner, list-maker, somewhat OC anal-retentive freak like me.) On the breastfeeding, if it's even an issue...I did enjoy that with my oldest, but only for 3 months, and it WAS pretty painful (frozen peas in the bra painful- seriously). You will know if it's right for you. My sis-in-law had the problem with not producing enough milk for her son, and it was excruciating for her. BUT - once she came to grips with it, and decided she'd give him what she could, and supplement formula for the rest. I dunno - my brothers and i were all fed formula, since that was what was "done" at the time, and we're all fine. So? Obviously, whatever feels right for you and Angus.

Posted by: Tracy at August 10, 2007 06:32 PM (zv3bS)

16 I've had both experiences, good breastfeeding and bad. My first was bad. I decided I would NEVER do that again. 8 years later, I had another, I tried it again and it was GREAT! The milk is free, you don't have to warm bottles and all that stuff. So, every baby is different, you won't know until you try. Even if you don't try, so WHAT, you are the momma, you get to decide! But, go out and buy the bra and breast pads! Nothing is worse than going to the grocery store, looking down and having two round wet marks surrounding your boobs! Embarrassing to say the least! grace

Posted by: grace at August 10, 2007 07:09 PM (yJz+h)

17 Mmmmmmmmmm nipples the size of teacups, yummy. Sorry, couldn't help it. Too much python as a child I guess.

Posted by: Dirty Old Man at August 10, 2007 08:21 PM (WzwJX)

18 Everything you're going through is why I get so pissed off when people say to a woman who *doesn't* want to be pregnant, "oh just have it and adopt it out! What's the big deal?" Really easy to say when it's somebody else's body and not yours that has to go through all this. Not saying it isn't worth it; it is. But I get highly irked at the dismissive attitude some people have about adoption vs. abortion. It's not like popping out a puppy in two months, for god's sake. Pregnancy can be great but it can be harrowing and painful and scary, too. As for breast feeding, there is another reason to do it, if you can. Not trying to talk you into it because frankly, as far as the baby goes...I don't think it matters much. Much of my generation was bottle fed; I don't see that we're LACKING in some way compared to previous or latter generations. Well, except for that moron in the White House. But breast feeding, the reason I'd do it again even if it didn't matter one way or the other about the baby's health, is... Well, it just feels good to do. Physically yummy. Sure, like anything else, it takes practice. And not all women like it like I did and I get that and maybe you won't either. But I friggin' loved it. It's not a *sexual* feeling, exactly, because I didn't get turned on or anything (EW EW EW!) And it's not like getting a massage either; frankly, it's not like anything else I've ever done before or since. It's just...it's different, it's a feeling all on its own. There should be a word all its own for that feeling of breast feeding. Dunno..."soothnice?" Yeah, soothnice. It's very soothnice. Until they get their teeth in. HA! You know, you can always try it and then stop and switch to a bottle if it doesn't work out. Nothing to stop you from doing that.

Posted by: The other Amber at August 10, 2007 09:49 PM (zQE5D)

19 If you can actually breastfeed, then give it a try, just to see .... You might be surprised by how it goes. It's not easy, it can be painful (it was for one child, not for the other, in my case) but really? besides the "soothnice"? it's free. You don't warm up bottles. You barely wake up. You do have to drink a lot of liquid: juice, water, water, more juice, milk if you can stand it (I can't) etc etc. As for the aches and pains, some pregnancies are all about Earth Mother and the growing flower of the future in your womb. Fab. Others are about Get the Thing(s) out of there, now! Sorry it's not been easy for you, but at the end, you will have babies. Their presence will erase the difficulties...most of the time. Sometimes. Okay, once in a while you will forget that you ever suffered for their existence. I promise that your life will regain a sense of normalcy. It won't be what you thought of normal before you became pregnant, and it won't be what you expect, but you and your family will find your normal.

Posted by: Hilary at August 11, 2007 12:18 AM (AZf6B)

20 My mother was an experienced breastfeeder and she was only able to nurse her twins for 5 months. Every picture of her from that time shows an extremely exhausted woman. While I think it's amazing that you're actually producing milk, and I'm very pro-breastfeeding, I think you need to go with your gut on this one.

Posted by: Julie at August 11, 2007 12:47 AM (Dfmwo)

21 Two things: Your colostrum is unexpectedly in? My thought is, "Wow, the human body can do some amazing things, can't it?" I guess yours decided that if this were the size your breasts were going to be, fine, but it was damned well going to make them work. The second is that I've known two people to have twins in the last couple of years. Neither one had an easy pregnancy (one had the babies so scarily premature that we didn't expect them to live), and both mothers, a year or more along, have two healthy babies. Incidentally, for preemies, they will often chart development from the full-term date up until the age of two or thereabouts. So consider this a stress-soothing mantra: Mothers of twins often have a horrendous time, and you are doing just fine. And so will the Lemonheadds.

Posted by: B. Durbin at August 11, 2007 01:09 AM (tie24)

22 Breastmilk is best. Then again, so is having parents who are millionaires. Just do what you can, OK? Whatever you decide will be fine. Or if it's not, you can refer them to a good therapist later, right? *lol* In the end, the kids will be born, and I preesume you'll feed them something while they're living with you over the next 18-30 years--though I hope they'll be moved out closer to 18 than 30! As you may have noticed, lots of kids have grown up without being breastfed, many of whom have gone on to lead normal lives. Try to relax as nuch as you can now. There's plenty of stress ahead :-D

Posted by: ~Easy at August 11, 2007 06:35 AM (9IjmR)

23 the Frankennipples are lactating?!? Breast feed or bottle feed, your choice dear - but you MUST call Ripley's Believe It Or Not!

Posted by: Dawn-by-Uwajimaya at August 11, 2007 07:42 AM (7iVbK)

24 you're not the only person to not be thrilled with the idea of breastfeeding. i felt the same way that you described in the other entry you linked to. ultimately i did try it with all three of my children and had different results with each. one was a complete failure, one took to it with no problems and with the other i struggled to express milk for him so that he was still getting the good stuff even though i couldn't get him to latch on. in the end all of them ended up being bottle fed. but you just have to make the best choices you can make at the time you have to make them. only you are going to know whether or not your breasts have enough functionality left to do the job, whether you can manage it with twins yourself and whether or not you can get over your ick-factor and want to do it.. and you need to want to do it for it to be successful. with no other factors to consider, breastmilk is unquestionably a better food for babies than formula. but there ARE other factors and the thing that is even better for babies than breastmilk is a happy mother. so whatever combination of breast and/or bottle makes you happy is what is best for YOUR babies.

Posted by: jade at August 11, 2007 11:22 AM (j1SEh)

25 I only have second hand knowledge, but when my friend had her twins, she initially went the breastfeeding route, but it just didn't work for her. The nurturing feeling that she wanted was tough to come by when she was holding them both like footballs for them to be able to nurse at the same time (neither was too keen to wait). Not especially warm and cuddly. Because of that, and several other issues, the whole prospect was just very stressful for her, and she switched to bottles after a month or so with no issues. My sister breastfed her first two and bottle fed her third. The first two ended up with more minor health issues than the third. So, in the end, go with your gut. Whatever you choose, it will be just fine.

Posted by: Sarah at August 11, 2007 12:53 PM (F0r2B)

26 I second, word for word, what CalTechGirl said. You do what's best for you.

Posted by: Margi at August 11, 2007 07:29 PM (epxxy)

27 Caltechgirl is right-it is so out of control here in the states, this push for breastfeeding. Loving your kids and doing what you are able to for them, isn't that what is most important? Besides, if momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy-so do what is best for you. I didn't breastfeed my kids-sure my son has allergies, but so does my dad and he was breastfed. And my daughter? Healthy as a fucking horse. No ear infections either, that one (my son had one, when he had viral meningitis at 5 weeks, but that was the hospitals fault for not giving me my meds when I went into labor-I was strep B positive). By the way, I have a UTI. I have not had one since I was eight. Freaky coincidence?

Posted by: Teresa at August 11, 2007 08:30 PM (rfkrl)

28 There is one thing that is better for babies than breast milk: sane parents. And if you truly feel that the best thing for your sanity is to formula-feed, then do it. Paula suggests pumping, and this is a viable option, but let me tell you that pumping and bottle feeding can be EXTREMELY crazy-making. I did it for 15 months... for about two of those (months 4 and 5 for those keeping score at home) I also tried to nurse the munchkin. I lost my fucking mind, I seriously did. So... do what you feel is best. And remember that while all breastmilk is awesome, colostrum is the bestest thing EVER for newborns, so maybe even just nursing/pumping so that they can get the colostrum would be a good balance for you. (And yeah, the colostrum thing is freakyweird, isn't it? I started dripping just a little bit at about 24 weeks...)

Posted by: Sarah at August 12, 2007 03:39 PM (EzvAx)

29 I didn't read most of the comments, so sorry if I repeat others. I am one of those that breastfeeding was the most stressful thing I have ever tried to do. When it works it is great - when it doesn't... I supplemented with formula and I pumped too. Pumping is worst than having people stick their arm up you to check your cervix, it put me in the worst mood. It was the one time I wouldnt let my husband see wht was going on! I couldnt even imagine trying to do it with twins - if you do change your mind I would say to make sure to get a nanny to help you. If you feel your body isnt your own right now and want to continue that experience give breastfeeding a try. But will I try to do it again next time? Yup - I am hopeful that my next kid and I can get it together!

Posted by: sara at August 13, 2007 03:47 AM (QKW+c)

30 I tried with two of my four to breast feed (the first was a premie and my milk hadn't even come in yet and the last I didn't even try.) I'd had such lousy luck with one thing and another (small nipples, babies wouldn't latch on, etc.) that I just decided with the last one it wasn't worth the stress of trying. I have tons of respect for those moms who can do it, but have equal respect for the ones who recognize they can't or don't want to. The important thing isn't in the details, it's that you love them and will do what YOU feel comfortable with and is right for you.

Posted by: sue at August 13, 2007 02:31 PM (WbfZD)

31 I was only able to breastfeed for six weeks with each of my three kids. After that, they were too hungry and I didn't produce enough milk. But it is best for the baby and it gives them a lot of protection from germs and stuff, plus it's free!

Posted by: kenju at August 14, 2007 03:28 AM (TiGru)

32 Big Hugs. Im glad you finally get to experience it from the "other side" so to speak. There will be a lot more as the years march on. When you realize that, yes, you will use bribery and yes, you will have bad days when you say things you dont mean. It's all good. You've studied yourself enough to become this awesome person - you will do a great job!

Posted by: That Girl at August 14, 2007 06:30 PM (s5Uyz)

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