Tonight Melissa and Jeff arrive.

I think it's fair to say that nerves are a little high.

We've talked to Dad and my stepmom, and briefed them a bit about Jeff. Even without the current issues storming around us, Jeff is someone you have to handle carefully - I've said that he's the most sensitive person I've ever met and I really mean that. You can never, ever let him think you're laughing about him. You can never talk about him in his vicinity, even in a positive way. You have to pay attention to what he's saying because little emotional land mines are laid throughout the fields he uses.

In short he's exhausting.

I love the kid, though. I really do.

Angus has tried talking to his ex about all of this, with increasing levels of frustration. He spent ages working on an email that was calm, even, and very focussed on the kids. He worded it such that he and the Swunt were a team working for the better of the kids, that whatever disagreements they had were not relevant at the moment. It started off like so:

Angus: I have noticed that Jeff is really struggling emotionally. I'd like to work on this and help him, and I'd like us to work together for the sake of the children.

Swunt: It's important that Jeff understands how much I hurt about your upcoming babies. He has to understand and agree with my point of view. The real problem is Melissa. No matter how many times I try to get her to understand how badly I'm suffering she doesn't listen. She's so selfish.

Angus: I really want us to put aside our problems and work for the better of the children. How can we help them both?

Swunt: I've been so down. It's all been so hard for me. I've suffered greatly.

Angus: I'm sorry that you've been hurting. How can we help the children?

Swunt: My life has been a storm of emotions and trauma. I have truly been through such hardship.

Angus: Um...the kids? How can we help the kids?

Swunt: I am now beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel. My life needs to be focussed on, my happiness is imperative.

Angus: This. Is. Not. About. You. This is about Melissa and Jeff.

Swunt: Me. Me me me me me me me.

Angus: Jesus Christ, you used to be so concerned and caring about the children's wellbeing. What the hell happened?

Swunt: Me me me me me me me. You seem so angry, Angus. Obviously you aren't happy with where you are. Anything going on that you want to talk about? Clearly things not good in your little home with your so-called partner, hmmm?

Yeah. You think I'm kidding. I'm really not. The flow of emails really has more or less gone along those lines (and that "the kids need to see things my way and Melissa is so selfish because she doesn't" really was what was said), right down to the implication that there's something not great here which is thus obviously upsetting Angus. Angus and his ex cannot pull together for this one, so Angus has been working hard with his son to help ease his mind. He has also talked openly with his family about what's going on, something we don't usually do, and for once I think we're all feeling - at least on this side of the Channel - that we're here for the kids.

My dad and stepmom are ready, and vow to be there for the kids, too.

I love them for it.

In the meantime, we try. Angus' and my bedroom is stuffed to the gills with baby things waiting to find a proper home, which we can do as of Sunday night when the kids leave. It does bother me that the nursery is in no way, shape or form ready, but there's not a lot I can do about it. Besides, if the babies come now they won't be home for a few weeks, giving us time to get ready.

As for the Lemonheads, things are getting harder (which is just what you expected when you clicked on this site, I'm sure). My hips and pelvis are stretching in preparation. After months of not looking pregnant with twins my stomach is suddenly enormous - the little girl lying across my stomach is pushing it out very far, to the point where no matter how long the shirt is it just won't cover the gap (but look ma! No ass!) Despite the little boy engaging in my pelvis it continues to be harder and harder to breathe as the little girl just keeps moving upwards - I'm not exaggerating when I tell you the side of her round head lies about an inch below my left breast. She's that high up in my ribcage. I don't sleep much at all, despite being in a near Zombie state. I continue to leak fluid, just not in enough amounts to be worried. I contract regularly and with increasing strength...just not often enough.

A visit to the hospital yesterday for monitoring showed the babies are beyond healthy - the midwives said that I had the most active babies they'd seen all day (proven again and again as the twins kicked the hell out of the monitoring sensors they had on my stomach). Their heartbeats were strong. My contractions were regular, and I even had one grown-up contraction register on the monitor, which came in at 50% strength. But they're not coming in at a regular interval, so we're still on hold.

My blood pressure is still too high, and I now have headaches and ringing in my ears - I try to stay on my left side, as I heard it helps (thanks Teri!) and I try to drink as much water as possible. Further, blood tests are showing that my kidney function is struggling as my infected kidneys struggle to support the waste filtering of not only myself, but of two babies as well. We're getting there. The babies are doing well, and that's what we care about (although I could be doing with some sleeping, honestly.) I will now be monitored every 3 days, as the doctors want to get me to 38 weeks before agreeing to induce me.

So we wait.

Here's to hoping a stable, normal weekend of Risk, Wii, and calm reminds a kid just how much he's loved.

-H.

PS-many huge thanks to Heidi-a fishbowl just dropped through our door! We laughed, and it will sit on the Lemonhead's changing table for them to watch. Thank you very much, we love it, and thank you again for the reassuring email, it really did help.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 08:29 AM | Comments (25) | Add Comment
Post contains 1137 words, total size 6 kb.

1 Damn, this stinks. I'm guessing the swunt will likely continue to convince the kids that A was happier when he was with her. Anything to drive a wedge between you and A. And the kids and you, etc. Glad your parents are there to help. I hope they can make some progress with Jeff. I'll bet they can; grandparents are good that way. Hang on until Sunday night!

Posted by: BeachGirl at September 21, 2007 09:14 AM (RgeoX)

2 The computer isn't letting me post, something about quesionable content... but I swear it really was all nice, so I think it's just telling me to step off. Anyway. Glad to hear your still hanging in there, and that your family is there to support you and the kids. You and Angus continue to handle the exfactor really well (much more so than I could!) Hope you get some rest. How about a hot bath, think that would persuade the little girl to move down a little?

Posted by: Angela at September 21, 2007 11:31 AM (DGWM7)

3 Jeff and Melissa need to know more about their mother, and what she's trying to do. I have a step-brother and sister, though I normally don't refer to them that way. The're my brother & sister to me. Sadly, they don't feel the same way. When my mom started dating their dad way-back-when she did something similar. As the kids were too small to really "get" the timeline they bought into it. They were very angry with my mom, and with my step-dad over what they thought he'd done. The result is that even though they're old enough now to understand things intellectually, the very powerful feelings that they had are still a part of them today. My mom & step-dad didn't tell the kids about he way their mother lied to them "for their sake" and the end result is 2 kids who still resent them both. Parents should not use kids as pawns and I'm in no way advocating this. However, kids as old as Jeff and Melissa need to have the necessary tools to deal with what's going on in their lives. In this case, they need information. And I do mean information, not propoganda to "get them on Angus' side". If Jeff and Melissa can understand what their mother is trying to do, and why she's trying to do it, then perhaps they will be better able to deal with it. It also may help them deal with her.

Posted by: ~Easy at September 21, 2007 12:00 PM (WdRDV)

4 Jeff is a sensitive child - his antenna are probably telling him that mom's position has holes in it. But maybe he's still at an age where he doesn't want mom to be fallible, and if she is, then what are the implications for his world? You and Angus have had a good approach, loving him, setting boundaries on behavior. Hang in there. He will discover in time that his new siblings add to his world and don't take away Angus' love.

Posted by: Suze at September 21, 2007 12:57 PM (52Fv8)

5 Boy, now more than ever I wish I had some wise assvice, but I don't. However, this won't stop me from prattling on. On one hand I agree with Easy, but on the other hand I think Jeff is confused and hurting enough, and telling him more about his mother might just make him feel even more torn-like he must pick either his mother's loyalty or his father's, and you guys seem to be doing the right thing by being the straight men for him. Melissa has obviously already figured it out, and she knows she has all of your and Angus's love and support-and soon Jeff will realize that too. His path is just a little more bumpy, and right now just a little more lonely. I love your dad and step-mom for helping out too-the more people who are there in a positive way for Jeff the better. Of course, you all know best the situation and the real people involved, so I can just sit here and come up with hypothetical situations and outcomes (I am real good at that), and what I say really doesn't mean a lot at the end of the day. Just want you to know that I think you and Angus are handling this brilliantly, and although it is difficult now, taking the high road on this one will pay off in the future. Hang in there kiddo-I can only imagine how uncomfortable and frustrated you are right now. The limbo your body is in is a real bitch to handle, and all of sudden you feel more like a vessel than anything. My almost 10 pounds of baby at least only had one head, and it was down-I can't imagine having all that baby in there and having a head under my boob and another on my pelvis! I am thinking of you all the time, and wishing you best of luck with everything this weekend! Love,

Posted by: Teresa at September 21, 2007 01:06 PM (y/mZe)

6 Dude, the headaches and the ear ringing. Please let them know if it gets worse. I was on watch for that too. I hope everything goes well with the kids visit. And keep me posted.

Posted by: statia at September 21, 2007 01:10 PM (lHsKN)

7 I want to pop back in here: The high blood pressure thing really bothers me the more I am thinking about it. I don't want to scare you, but the fact that you are having headaches and ear ringing can't be good. Keep a real close check on that, because that shit can turn in an instant. Take care babe.

Posted by: Teresa at September 21, 2007 01:41 PM (y/mZe)

8 I feel for the kids. That's got to be a hot-bed of emotion to live with (their mom). I'm sure it bothers Angus something awful. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be for you all... Here's wishing you a calm visit and continued good thoughts for you. Take care of yourself. It won't be long now.

Posted by: sue at September 21, 2007 03:15 PM (WbfZD)

9 If you start seeing spots or - for lack of a better term - holes in your vision, GET TO THE HOSPITAL. That's what did it for my docs. I got to where I could barely see out of my right eye and they started the "yanking him out now" talk.

Posted by: Margi at September 21, 2007 03:32 PM (zFQsX)

10 As for the bigger kids? It sounds to me like you're both handling it as best you can in a very rough situation. I keep saying this, but I think you might need to keep hearing it: kids are remarkably resilient and they are also the world's best bullshit detectors. They know. Hang in there! Still rooting for you and sending up love and light to you all. xoxo

Posted by: Margi at September 21, 2007 03:34 PM (zFQsX)

11 Margi knows of which she speaks. Trust her on this one :-) But seriously "He has to understand and agree with my point of view."???????? The swunt seriously DID NOT say that???? OMG. HE has to agree with HER???? what happened to raising children to be independent thinkers? And Melissa is selfish? It must be so hard for you to not say anything. I admire you SO MUCH for keeping this away from the kids. I just couldn't. Especially not with 3 hours of sleep a night and a carnival in my insides. love you lots, ok?

Posted by: caltechgirl at September 21, 2007 03:56 PM (/vgMZ)

12 I can't believe they aren't monitoring you more closely with those symptoms! Are you even on bedrest? Yikes. I know 3 people directly that suffered from preclampsia so I worry for you. I know you want those babies to stay in as long as possible but I'd like you to come out of this healthy (and with functioning kidneys). I really feel for your situation with Jeff. I don't know what can be done as long as his mother is working against you. Sadly, I've known people this sensitive but they were adults. I hope he grows out of it.

Posted by: paula at September 21, 2007 04:00 PM (jh9Oj)

13 Most of the people before me have commented wisely so all I'm gonna say is that I'm going to try my best to keep checking on you every day and hope and pray your children bring you as much joy as mine have given me. Oh and, the Breathe Deep thing is a really good idea. I am excited for you....

Posted by: Marie at September 21, 2007 04:09 PM (Afhgq)

14 This is so exciting. You're doing amazing. I am thrilled to read the babies are doing great too, and I just can't wait for the big day.

Posted by: JV at September 21, 2007 10:15 PM (7Pv1S)

15 they checked me for pregnancy induced hypertension & preeclampsia, just because of the migraine. they said it could be a sign of either, so please take it easy and let them know of any change. you're in my thoughts. *hugs*

Posted by: becky at September 21, 2007 10:44 PM (gxmeq)

16 You are a very brave woman. My husbad is divorced with children. Ex-wifes are NO fun and put so much stress on a realtionship. I cannot imagine being pregnant and dealing with his EX. Take care of yourself.

Posted by: Lukie at September 21, 2007 11:33 PM (WXIEq)

17 You know what? It sort of pisses me off that they are going to make you wait untl 38 weeks to induce. How bloody miserable do you have to be? Isnt full term for multiples 36 weeks? Im feeling sorry for you, all this time I have told you to hang in there but now I just want some releif thrown your way. I hope your weekned with the kids goes well, maybe your parents will be a good distraction for Jeff? Look forward to the update.

Posted by: Christina at September 22, 2007 12:25 AM (cu+y1)

18 Thinking of you all.

Posted by: Lisa at September 22, 2007 12:26 AM (e8V7B)

19 I think it is fabulous that you are going to make it to 38 weeks . . . that is so unheard of with twins! How reassurring it must feel to know they are beyond healthy. I can only imagine how tough it is for you . . . but I know you are only able to "gripe" because you know how wonderfully healthy they are. That's the "silver lining" -- right? Hang in there. They are almost fully cooked! (BTW -- griping is TOTALLY allowed, no matter WHAT anyone tells you!)

Posted by: Heather at September 23, 2007 04:08 AM (hCAPq)

20 Been thinking about you and your family all weekend. I hope everyone had a good time and that you're not all too overwhelmed with trying to throw together a nursery in between contractions.

Posted by: Lisa at September 24, 2007 01:46 PM (EcHBm)

21 I hope that your weekend was somewhat peaceful (as peaceful as 2 kids and 2 more on the way can be) and the Lemonheads (I always think of Evan Dando) didn't wreck too much havoc on you. Just thinking of you and your family.

Posted by: Tif at September 24, 2007 09:53 PM (jCFyL)

22 Ive been thinking of you and the lemonheads. There is actually a site called "left-side lying" for those lying left with anti-boredom suggestions, etc. You have a great attitude and all you can do is go on. As sensitive as you say Jeff is, he cannot help but realize once the babies are here how innocent they are, and how little anything else matters. Actual babies really do change a lot.

Posted by: That Girl at September 24, 2007 10:22 PM (ln/Ka)

23 I get anxious when you don't update. Does Angus know your password to post when Nick and Nora finally decide to make an appearance? Hugs to you and the lemonheads

Posted by: Dee_guerra at September 25, 2007 02:05 AM (nvdWh)

24 Exactly what I was thinking, we get nervous when you don't update. Hope things are well, and all are ok.

Posted by: donna at September 25, 2007 11:59 AM (DDKIn)

25 Ok, now I am biting my nails. Hope all is well...

Posted by: Teresa at September 25, 2007 12:15 PM (gR6mb)

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