Today was a rather busy, rather rough day. I didn't have time to post this morning, as the schedule had too much on. So the blog got neglected as the daily life, she took over.
This evening over a glass of bubbly I made dinner for the house (squash and gorgonzola tart.) I was reading a book as the tart baked (as you do), while Angus rebuilt the PC downstairs (if you've sent me an email, I can't reply to it, as the downstairs PC has given up the will to live. I can read, just not reply.)
There in the book was a quote I had never heard before.
And I felt sucker punched.
Like with the rolls I get in therapy each week, this quote was the core to the pure humiliation, the second class feeling, the embarrassment I often feel for just being in a single space that anyone else may be in.
It made me feel a rush through my head, and after Angus put ink on my skin, I went upstairs and captured my 365days project.
After the day I've had, the work battles I'm having, and an icky chap linnking me in Flickr (whom I've now reported), it was what I needed.
I sometimes think I am not alone in thinking and feeling the way I do. That as a whole, we should be done with feeling small and second. It's time for us to stop feeling like we are less than the world wants us to be.
The truth is, we are enough.
Enough. For every family member that made us feel unimportant. For every colleague that made us feel insignificant. For a lover who made us feel like they were the best we could get, who made us feel grateful for whatever scraps of love they sent us, scraps that would never be enough to thrive on. For every person in every queue in every hot moment that tried to make me feel stupid....enough.
One quote helped me find my courage again, one quote made me look in the mirror and think: Fucking hell, it is enough, I am just fine. I am thin enough, I am fat enough. I am pretty enough, I am ugly enough. I am career driven enough, I am nurturing enough. No one else gets to define me but me, not anymore, from here on out. It's not about "if I don't love me, nobody else will." It's that I need to love me, because I am allowed to deserve things. We all are.
No one has my consent anymore.
I am enough, and I'll scream it to the world if I have to.
-H.
1
It had that very same effect on me the first time I heard it. Way to go Helen!
Posted by: deeleea at January 26, 2007 09:15 PM (lGh8z)
2
And what book did you find this little gem in? I really try to believe people when they say I am good and kind and smart and pretty, but most times I just can't. Work in progress.
Posted by: Donna at January 26, 2007 09:26 PM (Aanzg)
3
Wouldn't it be nice if everyone was born with something like that etched on their skin? I tell myself things like that all the time but there's always a day (or two) where it just doesn't sink in and someone manages to crush you with just a word. On those days, it would be nice to just look down and see a reminder.
Posted by: Lindsay at January 26, 2007 09:28 PM (mHNC3)
4
Damn straight!
I wish I had more time to think out a better response, but a short one will have to do. I should probably write that one on my forehead, and then gather up the courage to look at it in the mirror. Yes, I hate looking into the mirror, I don't see the person that I tend to feel like.
Thanks for the inspirational post. I'll have to remember this one more often.
Posted by: diamond dave at January 26, 2007 09:28 PM (kjVf/)
5
That may well have been the best post on any blog I've had the priveledge of reading! Thank you for the reminder that we are each more important and more worthy than we sometimes credit ourselves with being. And, if you don't mind, I'd love to add that quote to my on-line profile. Have an incredible weekend, Helen. You deserve it! ps Please do tell us what you were reading.
Posted by: Terry at January 26, 2007 09:34 PM (Eodj2)
6
Love it! And I love your photograph. What a great way to remind yourself every day.
Posted by: donna at January 26, 2007 10:02 PM (e2lwS)
7
Yay good for you, one of my mentors who has since died once told me that "others opinions of you are none of your business" I try to remember that. As a fellow reduction I can see the telltale scar down the middle of the bottom of your boobie, LOL. Love the picture too!
Posted by: Cheryl at January 26, 2007 11:16 PM (msF2q)
8
lovely picture and wonderful quote. thanks for sharing that. i need to keep that in mind.
Posted by: copasetic fish at January 26, 2007 11:58 PM (csaL/)
9
Good old Ann Landers used this quote a lot in her column. I first read it in my early teens. Some realities are harsher than others, and this one has been kicking my ass for years. One of the hardest things to do in life is take responsibility for yourself. On the upside, everything that is good and wonderful in your world is there because you are worthy of it.
And dammit, we are worth it. If we all scream it at the same time, will we shake the world?
Posted by: Teresa at January 27, 2007 12:13 AM (Et8RK)
10
Damn, Helen, sometimes you really fucking rock out. This is resounding.
Posted by: Bre at January 27, 2007 12:39 AM (WX3Rd)
11
Hooray for old Eleanor! She was a smart cookie.
Posted by: kenju at January 27, 2007 01:33 AM (L8e9z)
12
Damn good photo. I love the challenging stare.
I learned a similar, though lesser, lesson when I worked at a summer camp. "Nobody can embarrass you if you're not embarrassed." Not nearly so profound, but I was a teenager at the time.
Posted by: B. Durbin at January 27, 2007 06:58 AM (tie24)
13
Love Eleanor. I was amazed that she intially was utterly terrified
of public speaking. The quote you mentioned is one of my top
three favorites of hers. The other two are:
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience by which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.”
and
"You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
I like to think that if she were born in a different time, she would have been president before Franklin.
Posted by: erin at January 27, 2007 08:21 AM (Nb8ts)
14
Oh Helen, you are so not alone. And oddly enough, I JUST got told pretty much the same thing. I was told, "Don't allow others to define your self worth."
I got told that today...come here in the wee hours of the next morning and see your post. Almost like it's being shoved home.
I'm working on believing that and working on making it my..mantra I guess? I've done the same as you. For far too long.
Now it's time to break that nasty habit. Old habits can be hard to break...this will require a lot of work and I will have to remind myself of this daily...eventually, I will believe it. And it will be the truth in my life. And that is when we are free.
Best of luck...may this be the first day of your new found freedom for the rest of your life.
Posted by: Serenity at January 27, 2007 09:35 AM (RkwYa)
15
This is the lesson I've been teaching my daughter since birth. She is 13 now and an absolutely amazing person...self assured and kind with a really good idea of who she is.I think teaching her that nobody defines her,but her and that she's always "good enough" is the best gift I could have given her.I wish someone had given it to me.
Posted by: Fawn at January 27, 2007 12:28 PM (4MNYN)
Posted by: That Girl at January 27, 2007 07:29 PM (/MBBk)
17
Awesome photo, awesome quote and awesome post. Powerful stuff!
Posted by: sophie at January 28, 2007 04:36 AM (1HOa8)
18
Good for you, Helen. That one is one of my all-time faves. I first heard it in the 5th grade from one of my Catholic school nuns. Fairly unlikely source now that I think about it but she was a young and popular, guitar-playing nun. I think about her sometimes.
Posted by: Rob at January 28, 2007 08:27 PM (T7ucb)
19
Wow, I needed to read that comment, and thanks for putting it up on your blog. Rejection has been a key element in January for me....not to mention all the shitty health issues I've been having. Thanks again Helen for putting it out there! Seems when you feel like the only one...you're not alone.
Posted by: Heidi at January 29, 2007 03:34 AM (KZtBd)
20
Helen, nicely put. Good for you in finding the strength within yourself.
Here's another line that made me sit up and listen...
I had been griping at my friends about my crappy childhood. Two separate times I heard it, and it made me stop and evaluate how far I've come since I was a powerless, scared child.
"Well, you turned out okay."
And I have. And so have you.
Posted by: Barnaby at January 29, 2007 04:11 AM (k5sgS)
21
My little sister had the same quote taped on her bedroom mirror from the age of 11 on up. It really is true.
Posted by: ~Easy at January 29, 2007 12:28 PM (FKBK3)
22
In my mind, this is where you start that journey. The one where you learn to be comfortable in your own skin.
Posted by: Minawolf at January 29, 2007 01:14 PM (eOa5a)
Posted by: sue at January 29, 2007 01:56 PM (WbfZD)
24
Since comments are off at the post up above, I've come here to thank you for your visit and comment. Not all my memories are good ones, Helen, but sometimes the photos serve to help me realize that it wasn't always as bad as I thought it was.
It is truly gratifying to read that you are happy. I don't know why, but you have crept into my heart - and I really want you to be happy.
Posted by: kenju at January 29, 2007 11:13 PM (L8e9z)
Hide Comments
| Add Comment
