Thanksgiving is on Thursday.

Or at least it is for most people in the land I come from.

For me, it'll be just another Thursday in a year of 52 Thursdays.

This month will mark my 8 year anniversary of living in Europe. I left the States just after Thanksgiving in 1999 and I haven't been back for a long period since. It was a choice I made to follow a job and a boy and a dream (not sure which order those should go in) and I haven't regretted it a bit. Moving away was something I should have done, in that misty smoky sense it's something I was meant to do. My life, my health, my happiness, my heart, my babies...they're all part of this magical evolution I have been going through since moving away.

But it doesn't stop me from being incredibly homesick sometimes.

Ask anyone who's moved to another culture - although you gain so much, sometimes you lose a part of you in missing the traditions and holidays that you are leaving behind.

I cooked my first Thanksgiving dinner when I was 18. I've cooked a big Thanksgiving every year since then bar 2003, the year I was laid off from my job. That year I went out to dinner. With Angus. And fell in love all over again.

So 15 years of turkey cooking will be put by the wayside this year. We realized Thanksgiving was coming and got some invites out but we'd left it too late, and none of our friends can come. We've cancelled Thanksgiving in this house this year, and since Christmas is at his mother's it'll be a turkey-free year this year.

It makes me sad.

Not just because I don't mind cooking turkey and I have a killer turkey recipe, but because something will be missing this year. A celebration we always have won't take place and it makes me sad. I'm not crazy enough to throw a huge Thanksgiving dinner together for just two of us (one of whom doesn't eat turkey) and it's not like I have loads of free time or anything. But a part of who I am will be quiet this year.

Now that I have children of my own I'm even more sensitive to traditions and ensuring they're a part of my celebrations and memories. I have a fierce, painful lump in my heart, as I wish I could give them the memories I had.

I want them to wake up on Thursday morning giggling, and head downstairs towards the smell of cooking pancakes and sausages. Maple syrup and melting butter should be almost tangible in the air. The kitchen will be a war zone, filled with a countertop of stuffing settling in a bowl and a pale naked turkey in a large pan by the sink. Breakfast should be a noisy happy affair, eaten to the tune of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.

I always dreamt I'd watch that damn parade with kids. "Look! There's the Cat in the Hat!" I would exclaim, and one my kids would get excited and bounce around. "There's Garfield! There's Snoopy! There's Kermit!" Each inflatable character would elicit squeals of delight that crescendoed into a storm as the penultimate character wrapped up the parade. "And look! LOOK! There's Santa! Santa's coming soon, sweetheart!"

Football would come on then. It doesn't matter that I'm not too bothered about football, it doesn't matter that I wouldn't watch it really. The sound of fans cheering, decked out in scarves and gloves and their breath visible in the TV air would keep me going. First downs and second downs would accompany the Thanksgiving touchdown.

At some point we'd reach a point of stasis, and we'd turn on a film. Something comical and ridiculous. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Uncle Buck. Bubble Boy. Something as background laughter to the laughter we had inside. We'd nibble on bits and bites as the rising smell of turkey filled the house and home. A pumpkin pie would be cooling on the side, accompanied by a silent dark and crusty pecan pie.

Later, my kids would be able to race in and open the cans of biscuits. They'd peel the cardboard off into a greasy spiral and whack the thin sides against the cabinet, feeling the tube explode, revealing white gooshing pastry. Things would be piping and boiling on the stove - the gravy, the vegetables. The slick sides of the cranberry sauce would coat the tongue in bitterness. Once the biscuits were in (the last step), the air would be orgasmic with scents.

We'd all sit down, jostling at the table set with finery we never ordinarily use. We'd stuff ourselves silly and then relax in the living room to the swooshing sound of the dishwaser earning its keep. Some would doze, others watch a fillm. All would return for helpings and a sandwich of cooled turkey meat. TV would be fabulous that evening, marked with animated kids specials that turn into great family films. Thoughts that night would turn to Christmas, and shopping, and decorations.

We would go to sleep full and happy, penning Santa notes in our heads and vowing to be good the rest of the year if only...

But none of that will happen. It certainly won't happen this year (although the babies are so small it's not like they'd notice it now). But for the long foreseeable future it won't be happening anyway. We don't get football here (we get a highlights program that's not worth the effort). We don't get the Macy's day parade and naturally there are no Thanksgiving animated specials on TV, even though I own most of them on DVD in a relentless quest I have to give my kids what memories I do have. And this year, there is no Thanksgiving.

On Thursday we'll wake up and it'll be any other Thursday. I'll watch Home For the Holidays, we'll have mac and cheese for dinner, and at some point I'll feel very sorry for myself, which is silly and I'll make myself stop as soon as I can. I'll pop the cork out of the wine. It's freezing cold here so we'll have a fire early on in the day, the fireplace becoming a beacon of welcome and light.

And on Thursday I'll hug the babies close and be extra lenient (I see a sleeping-on-mommy's-chest session coming on) and I will whisper in their ears that as they grow we will have our own traditions as a family, that Thanksgiving will hopefully be something that means as much to them as it means to me, that someday they can make a wish and split the wishbone and we can collapse into a heap on the sofa at night and that Santa is coming, are you ready?

Until then...

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:23 AM | Comments (23) | Add Comment
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1 You have perfectly articulated my own desire to carry on meaningful traditions in my own family now that we live in a different country, with different customs. This year we will be eating a cold seafood buffet for Christmas dinner by the pool but I will still make a ham like my Mum makes just so I can feel connected to family in the greater sense of the word.

Posted by: Super Sarah at November 19, 2007 10:49 AM (rRa5H)

2 A "sleeping-on-mommy's-chest-day" is by far not the worst thing to do on Thanksgiving. And I bet you will be grateful when they won't cry... But I agree, traditions do have magical powers. Just like the little candle sitting on a window sill in a stormy night. Lily

Posted by: lily at November 19, 2007 11:20 AM (Y8m4l)

3 You know, Germany is not THAT far...and you are always welcome to join our feast We will have a house full...some American, some German, a guy from Lebanon...united by the common goal of eating themselves sick. Even if you are skipping Thanksgiving this year...I wish you a happy one. I know you are already so aware of all that you have to be thankful for.

Posted by: jjustdawnstdawn at November 19, 2007 01:12 PM (Eiz0N)

4 But maybe you can just whip up a pumpkin pie for dessert with your mac and cheese and top it with some cool whip and think about what you and Angus are grateful for.

Posted by: donna at November 19, 2007 01:21 PM (Kco5r)

5 First - 'most people'? No, most people don't do thanksgiving. Most americans, yes. Second, of course you can create those traditions for your children. they won't remember this year anyway, but next year and from then on you can create the kind of thanksgiving you want, whether or not the specials are on DVD. I'm sure by the time they are old enough to reember, the football will be available on streaming video over the web anyway! Happy thanksgiving, Helen, i hope despite the mac and cheese that you have a good one.

Posted by: thalia at November 19, 2007 01:28 PM (2FeHx)

6 Thalia-yes, that's true. Most people where I hail from. I've edited the post.

Posted by: Helen at November 19, 2007 01:50 PM (+Qwdx)

7 It may not be an American Thanksgiving, but I'm sure your children will grow up loving the Thanksgiving tradition y'all establish. Happy Thanksgiving Helen!! Even hearing people say "Happy Thanksgiving" brings back memories of my youth and especially my college days. I remember Thanksgiving & CHRISTmas breaks were huge, and everyone went around saying Happy Thanksgiving and Merry CHRISTmas the entire week before we left for home. Even though I'm still in America, we don't say it as much in the work place as we did at college....I kind of miss that. So, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!

Posted by: Solomon at November 19, 2007 01:55 PM (x+GoF)

8 I agree that this will be a quiet year for you, but as the babies grow you will have traditions... lots and lots of them. Just the fact you realize the importance of traditions means you will have many of your own. Even if they are just something particular to your family...

Posted by: sue at November 19, 2007 01:57 PM (WbfZD)

9 You make me so homesick. It's crisp, cold weather here, so that's not helping. Then the turkey, the stuffing, the exuberance of all the kids running around, helping to smash the potatoes... 10 years in Europe, yet little things like this remind me that I'm not Dutch.

Posted by: Hannah at November 19, 2007 02:05 PM (lUH62)

10 I'd invite you here, but it's not like you live around the corner. That and you'll no longer have room in your suitcase for cheese and sausage.

Posted by: statia at November 19, 2007 02:53 PM (lHsKN)

11 Happy Thanksgiving week, Helen. I know your home is filled with love and thankfulness, with or without football, turkey, and holiday specials on tv. I can't think of anything better than spending a quiet holiday with not one but TWO adorable babies sleeping on my chest. Bliss indeed.

Posted by: Lisa at November 19, 2007 03:10 PM (EcHBm)

12 How could anyone read that post and NOT feel nostalgic about Thanksgiving. Here I was freaking out about all the cooking I'll have to do, but now I'm kind of looking forward to it. So, are you kind enough to share your killer turkey recipe?

Posted by: Sylvia at November 19, 2007 03:50 PM (AnAPb)

13 You got it all right, Helen, and you can live it in your mind this year. Next year, and everyone thereafter, you can do it for the twins and Angus and whomever else can come. I can't do it, but I bet someone would be willing to tape that parade for you, so that you can see it whenever you want.

Posted by: kenju at November 19, 2007 04:03 PM (TiGru)

14 Oh, Helen... now I sit here teary-eyed and am beginning to miss Christmas with my family already. I've moved to the UK earlier this year (I've recently discovered that we're neighbours, so to speak - hello from Rushmoor ) together with my American partner who's been in Europe for almost ten years now. It'll make for some wonderful memories to combine our respective German and American traditions, I hope. And hopefully create some new ones (as in Britain related) as well... Happy Thanksgiving!

Posted by: Ann at November 19, 2007 04:29 PM (upJAC)

15 I'll be thinking of you while I'm wrangling trying to fix dinner for Patrick's parents (who are surprising us by showing up tomorrow - and we moved into the house um, Saturday afternoon). I started crying this a.m. thinking about the fact that I finally have the family I've always hoped for - and that I'll be able to make our traditions be the ones I've dreamed about for so long. And yeah - if you're willing to help out with the recipe... help a girl out.

Posted by: April at November 19, 2007 05:05 PM (xEWJq)

16 Our family Thanksgiving is much like you described, although, with the size of my family (huge) the work is distributed, and everybody brings a part of the dinner. Which is wonderful - but you don't have the same smell orgy. The thing I think that's odd, though - is that if I look back at my childhood - it's the Norman Rockwell painting - everybody happy, the food fantastic, the tradition everybody wants. As an adult? It's never that idyllic. It just lacks the feeling, for some reason. This year we'll be with my husband's family isntead of mine, which already kills the vision. There will be no turkey, as they generally do some fancy crown roast or some such. And I will have to smile and make nice with my step-mother-in-law while she gloats about how wonderful her husband and her life are. Sadly, I know her husband is involved with another woman, and has had a baby with that woman....keeping my mouth shut about that MAY be the hardest thing I've ever done.

Posted by: Tracy at November 19, 2007 05:06 PM (zv3bS)

17 Although there are times when I wished I had moved away, or that the family wasn't so damn close, it is the holidays that remind me of how much of a small-town girl I really am. We wake up and watch the parade, and my kids love the old-school characters' inflatables (Is it cruel that most of the cartoons they watch are the ones I grew up with? We have already been watching Charlie Brown's and Garfield's Thanksgiving specials all month), and of course it is up the hill and down the street to my parent's house. There will be two perfect turkeys waiting, and since my mom got a new stove this year there should be no fire. We stuff ourselves good, the game is on the big screen downstairs, and those of us that stay awake browse the sale flyers for Black Friday. Then we eat pie and usually watch "A Christmas Story", the first of many viewings that will take place this season. I will be thinking of you and holding you in my heart all day-that way maybe just a little piece of you will be here in the states celebrating Thanksgiving with family.

Posted by: Teresa at November 19, 2007 05:26 PM (DC750)

18 With meaningful traditions, I think it's ok to skip a year, or six, as long as you keep them in your heart. Happy Thanksgiving. We all have so much to be thankful for this year!

Posted by: caltechgirl at November 19, 2007 05:52 PM (/vgMZ)

19 ...Santa is coming, are you ready? Helen, I still believe.

Posted by: physics geek at November 19, 2007 06:04 PM (MT22W)

20 It's posts like this that make me love you so very fiercely. And for the record? Me too.

Posted by: Margi at November 19, 2007 06:55 PM (k3tPv)

21 I can't even imagine how hard it must be to be in a different country with new traditions. As the twins grow up you will develop your own traditions with them. And while they may never watch the parade and football there is nothing that says you can't cook the meal you are dreaming about... Your post is beauitful and reminds me of everything I love about Thanksgiving. It is my favorite holiday and I hope that it is going to be even more special in the future as we celebrate my son's birthday around Thanksgiving every year in the future.

Posted by: Jamie at November 19, 2007 08:33 PM (XTv5X)

22 I'm doing Thanksgiving for the first time in about eight years... We'll see how it goes.

Posted by: LarryConley at November 19, 2007 10:41 PM (lFrUY)

23 I'm such a sentimentalist too. My friend is Italian (heritage, not from Italy), and told me how her parents had decided to skip the turkey and trimmings and have italian food instead. I was so sad! No turkey! Me and DH are very sappy about stuff like that. We always have to watch Charlie Brown Thanksgiving, and Christmas starts for us at the stroke of midnight on Thanksgiving. We are packing up the twins to go cut down our tree Friday morning. Our twins were born 3 days before Easter this year, so we didn't get to celebrate that day since we were in the hospital. But next year we will go full out, complete with miserable babies in bunny suits. Next year, dress those kids up as turkeys and make a huge day of it. This year, just relax. Seems like you have been so busy since they were born. You deserve to lay low and cuddle with them and eat some yummy mac and cheese.

Posted by: Erica at November 20, 2007 09:24 PM (D6tE/)

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