I got pregnant at the same time as about 5 other IVF bloggers, and all but one of us had twins (they warn or multiple births with fertility treatment, and they're not dicking around when they do that). The group is fairly evenly split - half of us had b/g twins, the other half had b/b twins. All of us generally delivered within weeks of each other (except Watson, who stayed pregnant forever).

I remember when I was still pregnant and in a panic - what did I need? Did I have too much? Not enough? Needed more?

Add on to that the fact that there were two babies - how would I cope? What would I do? How would I handle two babies at once without becoming follically challenged?

My answer, in short, is rather stupid when you think about it (so don't think about it, because I get depressed when I come across as stupid).

How do I handle it? How does anyone handle it?

Well...you just do, that's all. You don't have much of a choice. And yes, there are some days where you look at the clock and wonder if 10 am is too early to open a bottle of wine, and there are some days when you realize you've been wearing the same bra since the Jurassic age and you could change it, but really that would take effort and any effort you have left should be reserved for crying into tissues and throwing the soggy balled up remains into the fireplace.

But once you get a routine, it does get easier. Much easier, in fact.

The feeding, well we have them in a pattern and it's a very set pattern that pretty much runs as clockwork. Thanks to the jaundice, early on we had a pattern of 30mL every 3 hours. Then it went to 60mL every 3 hours, then 90-120 every 4 hours. The babies dictated this themselves. At middle of the night feedings we made them as uninteresting for the babies as possible - we didn't talk to them and we didn't make eye contact with them. It's as hard as hell to do, to not shower kisses on your baby in the nighttime, but once the babies figured out that a middle of the night feed did not include cuddles, play time, and lots of attention they got bored with it and gave up.

We now have them on the pattern of feeding times at 7, 11, 3, 7, and 11. If they're asleep as one of these times approaches they get woken up, as they do need to eat regularly. These feeding times are sacred but we're not militant about it - if we're 30 minutes in either direction it's ok. If they get hungry between them, they get topped up with 30-60mL, but otherwise they have 150mL those 5 times a day. How do you know if they're needing a topping up? Well, you just do. Barring "you just do", you can do what I call The Robin - if I bend down and kiss their cheeks and they open their mouth and move towards me, then they're hungry. If they just hang out and don't move then they're not.

Since they feed so much during the day, they honestly don't get hungry at night. They used to wake up and shout, but when we tried to feed them they just weren't interested so we stopped. The babies go down to bed at about 11:30 and usually make it to 7 am. If they do wake up, it's usually around 5 or so and one of us will go in and pat them and ensure the swaddle hasn't loosened, and they go back to sleep for a while. We do occasionally have a rough night still, but I thank my lucky stars the babies are more or less sleeping through the night, and have been for weeks now.

We loosely based our routine on what over here is called the contented baby routine. I say loosely because the routine is very strict about giving your baby cuddles and stuff like that, and I can't be doing with not cuddling the little ones just after their feeds. The one exception is the last feed of the day - we don't stimulate them much but we do cuddle them.

We also did controlled crying, which I swear breaks your heart but it works-they only get the bottle at those hours (but we never let them go hungry). Controlled crying in our house is used when they get overstimulated, which happens easily with both of them. When they've had too much and can't settle, they go into the cot in their swaddle. If they shout, I go in at regular intervals and talk to them until they can settle. Nick has only gotten stroppy on a handful of occasions, and holding him didn't soothe him anyway (I know, I tried). For Nora, who is still collicky, she doesn't settle, but at least she knows I'm here and everything is ok.

I can and do feed both of them at the same time for most feeds. It's important they're fed at the same time as otherwise I would be spending every spare minute of the day feeding them, and a girl's gotta' pee at some point. I accomplish it thus:

Occasionally they need burping mid-feed, but I have a system that works-I used to use the widgey (called the boppy in the States) but the babies were just too floppy. So I sit on the couch lengthwise, with my legs straight out in front of me on the cushions. I lay both babies across my legs and feed them that way. To burp them, I use my chin to hold a bottle in one's mouth while picking up the other to my chest, where I burp them. I bend my knee and use the knee to support them while being burped.

The burping is sometimes tricky, especially as their neck muscles are developing and they do what I call "chest diving" - halfway through a burping they'll decide to do a half-pike with a twist off my chest as they exercise their neck independence, so I have to hold on to them. This is why I raise my knees to help hold them in place.

I didn't have a rocking chair before, but my dad and stepmother have just bought us a glider (and I'm thrilled to bits about it!), so I'll hopefully be able to use that for feedings now.

Other products I have found really make life easier:

- This syringe for giving medicines/gripe (colic) water. It's brilliant - most medicines come with a useless spoon that deposits the medicine down the baby's neck, this one they suck the medicine out of.

- The aforementioned Widgey. Widgey was brilliant during pregnancy, as I slept with it between my legs (get your mind out of the gutter there). It took the pain off my back and was very helpful. Then I used it to help feed the babies. Currently the Widgey acts as a cot divider between the babies during the day. Best £20 I ever spent.

- You can't have too many bibs or muslins to clean up during feeds. You just can't. They're in constant rotation.

- For bottles we use a bottle rack to dry the bottles on the counter, and in the dishwasher we have the world's most convenient basket, where we put various bits. It's helped our dishwasher not getting taken over.

- Erica's suggestion of making up a pitcher of formula, as opposed to doing it bottle by bottle, has saved my life. Thank you, Erica. I owe you a kidney.

- I had a changing mat on a table, but found that a changing mat on the floor was a million times easier. You wouldn't think so, but after a C-section changing them on the floor was far simpler than a changing table, and I think it's safer for baby - I don't worry about them rolling off or anything like that.

- I don't have a diaper genie (and don't want one, as the idea of plastic covered plastic shaped like sausages going into a landfill gives me spasms of guilt) but I do have a small wastebasket in their room. This means I have to empty it daily, but I think that's probably best from a hygenic standpoint.

- I have a CD player in their room that I switch on and play white noise on. I can't believe I paid £10 for what sounds like a recording someone made of their vacuum cleaner, but for Nora at least it does make a difference. If I had it to do all over again (which I don't), I'd buy this bear. I'm convinced playing noises that would make us jump off a cliff makes a difference to the babies.

- I started off with 3 crib sheets and 3 waterproof undersheets. I must've been delusional thinking that would do it, considering the sheer amount of puking that goes on. I now have 7 sheets and 4 waterproof undersheets, and I think that's a good amount.

- The babies don't get bathed everyday as their skin dries out, but they get bathed often. I bought a bath chair to use, but the babies absolutely hate it with a passion matched only by their hatred of the red bulb of death (also known as a nasal syringe). What we've found works best is if Angus washes them while he showers, and I dry them off and dress them. I use Johnson's Lavender Bathtime Wash and then the lavender lotion on them. It makes them smell absolutely heavenly.

- The babies get changed once a day (more in case of severe vomiting). I have many outfits for them, but in general we stick to onesies/babygros. This because nothing incites Nora's anger more than fiddling to get to her diaper, and if there's one holy rule I try to operate by it's Let's Not Exacerbate Nora's Anger Any More Than Necessary. Removing trousers or tights and vests to get to her diaper would cause a riot. If the babies are running around in what looks like pajamas all the time, then fine. I can live with that. After all, that's all I wear.

- If you have a boy, there's one important thing to remember. Forget worrying about getting nailed while changing them, as that's bound to happen (and in fact Nora has nailed me with the wee far more than Nick has). What's important is this - for the love of God, when changing them make sure the winky wanky woo is pointing downwards when closing up the diaper. If it's pointing north, east, or west then you will be changing his clothes and yours in no time. I don't know how it works, but if the willy is pointing up in a closed diaper, somehow the piss goes all over their back. It's like magic, only not.

- Swaddles. Oodles and oodles of swaddles. We usually give them a hand out of the top of it, as they like to suck on it and self-soothe. The babies use this one during the day (bought from my favorite baby shop), as it's made of cotton and has so many secure flaps in it that Houdini couldn't escape it. Even Nora has trouble getting out of it.

- At night they use this one, a fleecy one that has convenient velcro tabs.

The rest I'm making up as I go along. I thought I'd share what I do in case someone out there is reading and needs a bit of support. I welcome any other suggestions that you may have, as hopefully we can get some kind of list going for mothers who are wondering how they're going to do all this.

-H.

PS - Angus is still working with Jeff. It's far from finished.

PPS - the babies were born at the same hospital as royalty (click on the video to see what the hospital looks like). I bet she doesn't have to deal with Midwife Mussolini. I'm guessing they don't have to pay for parking, either.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:07 AM | Comments (23) | Add Comment
Post contains 2052 words, total size 12 kb.

1 i love reading your blog even if i don't always comment and i felt for you looking exhausted just managing. many hugs whilst you're hanging in there x

Posted by: mei at December 18, 2007 09:56 AM (1nhxi)

2 Its lovely getting a brief glimpse into what your day-to-day is like with the babes. I admit to being amazed at how people cope with two, but then I found one pretty easy because she was such an uncomplicated baby. (phew!) I agree, you just cope because you have to!

Posted by: Super Sarah at December 18, 2007 10:44 AM (JDMhD)

3 Interesting how easily you fall into a routine. What's scary is how terrible the consequences can be when the routine is broken. I remember that we didn't care WHO we offended, the girlies routines came first and anyone who wanted to see us had to deal with us on OUR schedule. This was seldome a problem because as you've noticed by now, every parent undestands completely waht you're going through.

Posted by: ~Easy at December 18, 2007 12:19 PM (WdRDV)

4 Not to detract from what seems (to a non mom) like a complicated schedule, but your hair looks great in the feeding shot!

Posted by: Angela at December 18, 2007 12:32 PM (DGWM7)

5 I concur— that feeding picture is adorable. Of you.

Posted by: B. Durbin at December 18, 2007 01:57 PM (tie24)

6 I have nothing exciting to add, but I do love this list. It gives parents some great advice. Some people are so freaked out about getting their babies on a routine, it is what they crave and need, I don't understand why one would not do it. And when I see a little baby not swaddled heaven help me, another thing they need. Great list Helen!

Posted by: Judi at December 18, 2007 02:18 PM (W87Xx)

7 Nothing to add! You have got it completely under control. While I don't have twins, I have to agree with you that once you get a routine down, it feels less like you're floating through your days without a sense of time. Sleeping through the night saved my sanity! So glad the little babies are letting you rest at night now.

Posted by: Dotty at December 18, 2007 02:50 PM (KJE2B)

8 Great list. Thanks for the link about baby routines. I was going to research that today anyway so you saved me some time. We are working on establishing a routine but we haven't gotten there yet... soon I hope!

Posted by: Jamie at December 18, 2007 02:56 PM (XTv5X)

9 It's funny, one day you wake up and realize that all of a sudden you don't use most of this stuff anymore. We stopped using burp cloths about 4 months or so ago, and it was just so weird how sudden it was. I finally packed them up and put them away, but in the beginning, I was probably going through about 10-12 of them a day easily. We had one in every single corner of the house. Same with pacifiers. And the white noise will probably get you farther than the bear. We have one, it's nice and all, but we used it for such a short period of time, and it shut itself off after about 5-10 minutes. And the peeing? I got over that quickly. I've been peed on so many times, it doesn't even phase me anymore. There has even been a few times where he caught me off guard and peed in his own face. And that lavender baby wash? Oh my GOD. It's like my baby crack. They actually changed the formula since he's been born and it doesn't smell the same. I have one bottle left of the old stuff and there's only a little bit left and I'm totally saving it so that I can smell it when he no longer smells like sweet baby.

Posted by: statia at December 18, 2007 03:06 PM (lHsKN)

10 I don't want to sound like "see I told you so", but I thought I would laugh about how I stressed that changing tables are a pain in the ass in that email. No new mothers ever believe me. They think I'm nuts. Oh well!

Posted by: Jen(aside) at December 18, 2007 03:12 PM (SqesY)

11 This was really, really helpful.

Posted by: April at December 18, 2007 03:15 PM (xEWJq)

12 I hope you never experience projectile poop. I still laugh at my uber-calm husband running around like a chicken. And I just dealt with it.

Posted by: Amy at December 18, 2007 03:54 PM (VxnWV)

13 I hope you never have to deal with projectile poop. My uber-calm husband ran around like a chicken while I just dealt with it.

Posted by: Amy at December 18, 2007 04:01 PM (VxnWV)

14 First off, if you are in your pajamas in that picture, then it is just not fair. You look too damn good in your pajamas. In fact, I'd love those pants in trouser form for work. Because, you know, my ever-expanding ass would look AWESOME with plaid across it. And second, that polka dot onesie was honestly my best buy ever. I love that you seem to love him in it so much. Or that he loves it so much he is constantly soiling his other ones.

Posted by: amy t. at December 18, 2007 04:04 PM (3dOTd)

15 When my nephews were born (probably the only truly hands-on baby experience I'll ever have), my parents quickly informed my brother and s.i.l. about the "just shower with me" trick. Apparently, he and I hated the bath too but we were pretty into the showers. My boyfriend at the time of #1's birth (the same boyfriend whom all others pale in comparison to) was very wiggy about baby spit and pee and general baby fluids getting on him. It was never an issue for me--maybe it's cos we're related or because I do have some maternal instinct. (It's more like Aunternal. I don't have the patience for the all out maternal stuff but I rock at the auntie stuff.) #1 peed on me the first time I changed his diaper. I laughed because dude--I didn't expect that! A few years later, #2 pissed, puked, and shit on me all at the same time. It was quite impressive. We were at Disneyland at the time and I didn't give a damn that I was covered in stuff from every hole. I don't know where I'm going with this. But here you go. Love you.

Posted by: Ms. Pants at December 18, 2007 04:10 PM (+p4Zf)

16 Thank you so much for this! I'm pregnant with twins and this advice is practical and perfect. I'm bookmarking it!

Posted by: erin at December 18, 2007 05:54 PM (xgPLZ)

17 I can't even beging to tell you how happy it makes me to see you with your babies. Not even just coping but thriving and offering advice! I have just the one coming in a few weeks and I'm scared out of my mind. You give me hope.

Posted by: Lindsay at December 18, 2007 08:17 PM (j1lGd)

18 it's nice to see you not so overwhelmed, sweetie. Go you!

Posted by: caltechgirl at December 18, 2007 09:32 PM (hQNjm)

19 Sounds like you have it under control The Lemonheads get cuter every day!

Posted by: Poppy at December 19, 2007 01:37 AM (1mDM7)

20 ha! "it's like magic, only not" had me cracking up laughin'. thanks for that. sounds like you're doing great and i enjoyed your link list. :-)

Posted by: leah at December 19, 2007 06:07 PM (n8t69)

21 Heehee! I have a similar technique for holding bottles (with the chin), but tend to feed one baby at a time as I find my arms get tired holding two bottles at once. When I was in elementary school the teacher punished students by making them stand in the classroom at noon hour with their arms held out in front of them; somehow this feels much the same. I bathe the kids every few days with Aveeno oatmeal wash/shampoo (also a Johnson & Johnson product) in a Tummy Tub which is intended to make them feel like they're back in utero again, though I shower them from time to time and have to dry/diaper/dress them while I'm still dripping wet and usually starkers too. The kids sleep in Grobags (an English invention), as they quickly escaped their swaddles and I couldn't be bothered to buy fancy ones for the few months that they might be in use. I have the babies in a playpen during the day and they sleep in a shared crib at night. The problem with the playpen is that it is stamped with a warning that it is intended for use only by a single child and that the bassinet portion of it is suitable up to 15lbs only (mine total almost 21lbs already). I went looking for a twin unit and the only one I found (marketed for twins with two bassinets on top) actually has those exact same warnings about use with only one child stamped inside. Anyhow, I've ordered a Kettler playpen that is larger, has an adjustable-height floor, and will accommodate up to 75lbs. It's expected to arrive on Boxing Day.

Posted by: Tinker at December 19, 2007 07:07 PM (rU3SM)

22 Thanks for the wonderful insight. I am having my own in 3 months and any advice is helpful. I just read in one of my baby books last night that if you breastfeed at night to do so the dark and not to cuddle/fawn over/shower the baby with kisses so the baby can associate the difference with day and night... I never even thought of this until I read it but it is one thing I will try to establish from early on.

Posted by: Missgirlbliss at December 20, 2007 03:00 AM (Ge15a)

23 My b/g twins are 5 years old (and in kindergarten!) and you just brought back a lot of memories for me. I found myself nodding in agreement to every item on your list. People would ask me on the street how I was coping... and the only answer in the world is "I just do". So very very true. A friend had triplets and she said the same thing. We used to do the washing in the shower thing too when they were wee babes... I had totally forgotten about that! Hang in there. It does get easier and easier. And just when you've mastered one stage, they'll move onto the next and you'll master that one too.

Posted by: Melissa at December 21, 2007 05:27 AM (BZAoC)

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