So the weekend's over. And in general, weekends are relaxing, easy times. Weekends, on a scale from 1-10 with 10 being the highest, should be about an 8 in terms of chill factor.

So why was my weekend a minus 6?

It started off innocuously enough. On Saturday, Angus' father and stepmother were coming for lunch. Now, I really like his dad and stepmom but they're a lot of work. They're rather formal, she's very high-strung, and Angus (and his brothers) are not comfortable around their father, he's not a huge figure in their lives and hasn't been since he ran off with Angus' now-stepmother. We see his father about twice a year, usually at their palatial home north of London (where they have, and I am not joking, a viscount as their next door neighbor). They are very formal at their home and there are ways you go about doing things, proper ways that are observed and followed. I am always very self-conscious around them, although they do like me and always seem pleased to see us.

Cue Saturday morning.

And we are racing around in a virtual cleaning frenzy. Angus' other brother and his wife, when he last hosted their dad and stepmom, both took a day off work to clean the house in preparation. It's not like all of us are slovenly pigs or anything, it's just that much pressure to have things right. We had to remove all signs of baby (with the exception of the babies) in the lounge, which really pissed me off - we just had twins. Having a couple of spare diapers in the lounge in case of an emergency shouldn't be a big deal. And I knew it would result in depression from Angus, as we had to stock everything into the study and shut the door. I was right - he started in on how we have too many baby things, there isn't enough space. He's right of course, we don't have enough space, but we will do once the extension's done. He apologized for being baby-negative shortly after.

But then in typical Helen and Angus fashion, we get into a huge argument just before they arrive.

You know. Because more pressure is what's needed in that situation.

We almost always get into a massive blow-out before guests come, because Angus gets stressed about the food and the presentation of the food and I get the brunt of it (we always hurt the ones we love, right?). We stress about different things in life and having things look just right for dinner guests is one of his stresses. Christmas Eve last year I faced an evening of sarcastic comments about how I'd ruined Christmas, all because I didn't slice the potatoes thin enough. I was a wreck and felt low the rest of the holiday. On Saturday I'd apparently not learned my lesson from last Christmas as I didn't slice the cucumbers for the fattoush thin enough, resulting in more sarcastic comments from him. The irony is, I really can cook and I really do cook and I really like to cook, but when we have people over I usually somehow get relegated to just making the dessert, and whenever I do try to make things I am constantly under the microscope. It's important to him that things look right and I try so hard, but I just don't seem to get it right according to what he wants . Angus is nice to me afterwards, when he calms down. But then he does honestly seem to like me when people are around.

We need to figure out some way of channeling our stress over dinner guests better, otherwise this coming Thanksgiving is going to kill us.

Anyway, we put on our happy faces when his parents arrive, and our moods improve as the day went on. We serve them lunch, which they like, and I notice that his stepmother has 4 helpings on my fattoush, which makes me feel vindicated. They talk to us, they offer to help tidy up the house (which we'd just done, so I felt like we either hadn't done a good enough job or else they were doing that good thing of offering to help a new family out, not sure which.) My stepmother, I felt, was really struggling with the babies. She had told me on one of our previous visits to their house that she and Angus' dad had tried to have more, that they both wanted more children, but due to PCOS and endometriosis, it just never worked out. She says her one regret in life was not having children. She talked to me about it more on Saturday, and I both know and don't know how she's feeling.

Then the babies wake up. Angus' stepmother wants to feed Nora, so we let her. And it's quickly revealed how little she knows about babies.

She puts the bottle in Nora's mouth, lets her have a swallow, then removes it. "I think I'll let her rest between sips," she says to me.

God.

"It's actually better if you just let her keep drinking," I reply, while maneuvering Nick's bottle into place. Nora's face is puckered with outrage at having lost the milk of the gods. I can see she's not going to tolerate this "resting between sips" shtick.

"Are you sure?" Angus' stepmother replies.

Nora's turning red. T minus 5 to screaming.

"I'm sure. Just keep feeding her," I reply.

Angus' stepmother puts the bottle in Nora's angry mouth. She feeds her for a bit, then removes the bottle and cuddles her.

"Everything ok?" I ask.

"Oh fine. I just felt she might be getting tired and is done with the milk," she replies.

"Yes, I understand, but the babies need to drink as much as possible. They're still undersize. Keep feeding her." I reply. I want to take my baby and feed her myself. Nora is generally a good, calm baby, but you don't fuck around with her feeding time, or that kid will come after you.

Angus' stepmother keeps feeding her. She does polish off the bottle and then promptly starts to fall asleep. Angus' stepmother attempts to burp her and watches Nora nod off.

Now the babies, they're not awake very much. Still preemies, still too small, they spend the vast majority of their time asleep. You'll get a little life out of them in the evening but otherwise their activities, until they grow some, are limited to sleeping, eating, and more sleeping. There's some pooping and some looking around with big blue eyes in there, too, but in general they don't move too fast. The key is once they start to sleep, you let them. If you don't you have to survive until their next feeding with the pleasant background of screaming, because if you miss the sleep window they are inconsolable until they next eat.

Angus' stepmother is persuaded to put Nora down to sleep.

Nora gets the hiccups in her sleep. Stepmother is convinced Nora is in pain due to stepmother's inadequate feeding. I explain that Nora had hiccups in utero, that they happen and that Nora is fine, that she is not in pain. Stepmother continues to fret over the baby. Despite being advised not to, she goes and picks Nora up several times.

And that was all Nora could stand, she can't stand no more.

Nora then spends the next 4 hours in outraged screaming.

Feeding time rolls round again. Nora is once again fed by Angus' stepmother. She declares delightedly to me that Nora is trying to crawl. Developmentally, Nora is 38 weeks old, technically she shouldn't even be born yet. I politely explain to the stepmother that Nora is actually trying to get under her sweater to the milk bar. We feed the babies then put them upstairs to bed where an exhausted Nora passes clean out.

Angus' stepmother keeps adjusting Nick in the crib. Nick is many things, one of them is not tolerant of being moved around. Mess with him too much and you'll reach inconsolable stage. Angus' stepmother moves Nick one time too many. We hit inconsolable.

Nick spends the next 4 hours screaming.

I go to make coffee and the lid of the freshly boiled kettle comes off, burning the fuck out of all of the fingers on my left hand.

I run cold water on my hand, but the blisters are already forming.

Our neighbors let off fireworks.

Gorby goes nuts barking and tearing around the garden.

My hand is throbbing in bright red agony.

Gorby comes back inside the house and promptly throws up vast quantities all over the carpet.

Nick screams.

I open the medicine cabinet and wonder why we don't have more tranquilizers for me to sample.

Angus' dad and stepmother leave sometime around 9 pm. I honestly enjoyed having them, they are very kind. I just wish the day had gone smoother. Angus' parents seem madly in love with the babies (they have that quality about them) but I think we all could have done without a day of screaming.

Nick and Nora fuss the entire night, just in time for Sunday, when more guests arrive - Angus' brother Adam (the judgmental one) and his family, including his nightmare 5 year-old daughter, the one who does our fucking head in, the one that likes to smack Gorby when he walks past. I was dreading their visit, mostly because I couldn't face an afternoon of the 5 year-old, of judgey comments from Adam, and worst of all, advice on child-rearing from Terry, Adam's wife, the one who is currently in university taking child development classes. I personally find it hard to take advice from people whose children act like they were raised by wolves. I do genuinely like the parents, and even like their older daughter now that she's outgrown being so difficult, I just find the youngest one really exhausting to be around.

My blistered burned hand is now cracked and peeling open along the tops of the fingers. I lose some pretty hefty blood clots in the toilet in the morning from my still uncomfortable insides. My breasts continue to leak, and I am still strapped into sports bras. I feel really hot and desirable.

Naturally, Angus and I get in an argument before they arrive.

Once here though, the kids behave much better than usual. They insist on holding the babies, which although I'd said I didn't want the 5 year-old holding the babies because I wasn't comfortable with it, I get overruled (I didn't let Angus' other 5 year-old niece, the sweet and quiet one, hold them either. I just wasn't comfortable with it, and I accept maybe I'm being over-protective.) I was a little annoyed that they bring the 5 year-old over with not only a cold, but also with a rash on her inner arm, but there's not much I can do about it and I am once again perhaps being over-protective. The visit wasn't bad at all, and I escape without a single judgemental comment.

Once they leave, Angus and I are drained.

We've agreed maybe no more visitors for a while, although Melissa and Jeff arrive on Sunday, this time for a long stay (and there is definitely stress involved with the coming visit).

And somehow, Angus and I are both mellow, exhausted, and unhappy. He's unmotivated with work and, I fear, at home. I feel very low and I wonder if the magic of the babies' arrival is going now, and I wonder what I can do to stop the drain from occurring.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 11:57 AM | Comments (37) | Add Comment
Post contains 1963 words, total size 11 kb.

1 "Christmas Eve last year I faced an evening of sarcastic comments about how I'd ruined Christmas, all because I didn't slice the potatoes thin enough." The fact that you don't snap his head off for that makes you a stronger person than I. I do almost all the cooking here, but I'd take that kind of statement just once before I wouldn't be doing any of the cooking any more.

Posted by: Al G. at October 22, 2007 11:20 AM (igmiD)

2 I'm so sorry your weekend wasn't more restful. It doesn't sound like you're taking it easy. Enough with the entertaining, OK? If you're tired, and the babies are tired then leave the room and don't worry about being "rude". Peopple with kids will understand. People without kids will understand someday.

Posted by: ~Easy at October 22, 2007 11:30 AM (WdRDV)

3 Didn't anyone tell you to limit visitors to ONE HOUR for the first month or so? I cannot believe you are having all these people over (along with their children) and cooking and serving for them! They should be bringing meals FOR YOU and doing all the cleaning up afterwards. You guys are holding yourselves up to a totally unreasonable standard here and becoming exhausted and drained (with good reason) in the meantime. The only people that matter right now are the twins, you and Angus (and secondarily Melissa and Jeff). EVERYONE ELSE has to wait. I wouldn't have ANY young children OR ESPECIALLY sick children or adults around the twins. People are treating these babies like it is a petting zoo! Please set some limits so that you can get rested up, let your body heal and be used to these new additions to your family! When I had my babies (yes, it's been a while ago), they didn't want the mother doing ANYTHING for the first few weeks, especially after a c-section, certainly not being Martha Stewart! Please please please take it easy. And print out this comment to show Angus. You have come so far and been through so much. It is time to rest and heal. Rest and heal - that should be your mantra. Good luck. The babies are absolutely beautiful - breathtakingly so. I don't mean for this comment to be as sharp as it sounds - I have just been shocked at the list of people that have been parading through your home expecting to be fed and entertained as if life is just going on as normal. You just had TWINS. PLEASE take it easy!

Posted by: Amy at October 22, 2007 12:51 PM (I9LMv)

4 I was a little annoyed that they bring the 5 year-old over with not only a cold, but also with a rash on her inner arm, but there's not much I can do about it and I am once again perhaps being over-protective. I'm not so protective of my kids getting colds when they're infants because I think it's dangerous (although it could be for a 38 week old), but it makes everyone's life miserable. Babies are miserable with colds, and the parents are miserable, because they have to deal with miserable, screaming, inconsolable babies. I did/do everything I can to avoid my babies getting colds. The 3 to 5 days of pure misery is never worth the few hours of fun socializing. I too would be very peeved if someone (anyone) brought a kid with a rash around my new born(s) AND wanted that child to hold the baby. You'd think parents with children would know better.

Posted by: Solomon at October 22, 2007 12:54 PM (x+GoF)

5 Amy made a lot of good points. Especially about limiting visitors and THEM bringing YOU meals.

Posted by: Solomon at October 22, 2007 12:56 PM (x+GoF)

6 Look, I never post, I'm a long-time loving lurker, but I just have to leap out and say STOP TORTURING YOURSELVES with visitors!!! You've just had Life Stress Event Number One of your LIFE happen (it tops sudden deaths on the stress scales) and you've had it happen times two. You should be sitting staring sweetly into your childrens' eyes while feeding, sitting staring out into space while they're not, and sleeping all the rest of the time. Please. That was one of the most painful posts I've ever read from you. Let the rest of the world go and don't put you and your fragile Angus and your kids at risk. It's absolutely totally not worth it. And reschedule Thanksgiving for god's sake. The whole extended family/friends should agree, it can be at a restaurant, it can be at a club, it can be half- catered or held at someone else's house but the one place it CANNOT be held is at Helen's house!! Please. Just take a few months, a few measley little months, to let your spirit and body adjust to this enormous change in your lives. You (and Thanksgiving, and gracious hosting) will be back, soon enough! But to everything there is a season and this is NOT the season for entertaining! Redd

Posted by: redd at October 22, 2007 01:06 PM (HID1x)

7 Amy is totally and completely right-couldn't have said it better myself, and I emphasize what she says. No long visits, and they must at least bring a dessert if not a whole meal. No cooking for them and no young children-even healthy ones. You are right in everything you are feeling. People are so excited to see new babies, but newborns, especially preemies, have such delicate immune systems. The magic of the babies arrival isn't gone, it is just that you are rightfully tired, and then add a weekend like that on top of it-I am amazed you could even blog about it. Honestly-my kids are 9 & 6 and I could not handle so many visitors on a weekend. How you held up as well as you did is just a testament to your inner strength. But no more visitors! Melissa and Jeff could really be a big help to you and Angus, so I am going to keep my fingers crossed that this week is relaxing and visitor free until the kids arrive this weekend. Rest with the babies-lay with them and take naps with them. It really will do you wonders just to lay there and listen to their contented breathing. Trust.

Posted by: Teresa at October 22, 2007 01:07 PM (FEO69)

8 And one other thing -- I used to tell all children under about ten that they could touch the babys' FEET. They could touch their toes, count them, tickle them,etc. But no holding the babies, no stroking their cheek (with their germ-laden little fingers). Feet only. Worked like a charm and hopefully will work next time with that five year old walking talking agar plate. Redd

Posted by: redd at October 22, 2007 01:10 PM (HID1x)

9 Oh man, you are doing way too much! I made my mother responsible for telling everyone to leave us alone for the first month or so. We actually turned off all the ringers in the house, and told people to feel free to call, but we were not answering the phone. We would check messages periodically, and call people back if and when we wanted to. I didn't allow anyone with kids to come see the kids for the first 2 months. Any everyone understood. Most people didn't think to bring their kids along, they left them at home with a sitter when they wanted to visit. I know you are trying so hard to do everything, and I'm sure there is lots of family pressure to let everyone come visit. But really, you gotta take care of you and your hubby and the twins first and foremost. You are going through the hell part right now. For the first 2 months, I cried every single day. Mostly from sleep deprivation, and just being utterly overwhelmed. Even when people came over to "help" us, I found myself snapping at them just because my fuse was so short. My only advice is lock the door and turn off the phone and take care of each other. And take it one day at a time. It will get better. I love my twins more than anything else in the world, but that first few weeks were the absolute worst. Please don't hesitate to email with any questions or if you just need to vent! Hugs Erica

Posted by: Erica at October 22, 2007 01:10 PM (UGW6Y)

10 I don't think it's overprotective of you to want to keep them safe from colds. They just arrived and babies with colds are SO pleasant to be around. You really shouldn't be cooking at all anyway. People are coming to see you? They should be bringing you all food and gifts, dammit. How quickly others forget how tiring that first month at home can be. A little extra care for the new parents or a kind word goes a long way during this time.

Posted by: Dotty at October 22, 2007 01:15 PM (KJE2B)

11 I just have to echo what everyone is saying. Is it a cultural thing? I know Brits are very accomodating, but this seems a bit much. I have heard many many people in the U.S. not want anyone in the house for six weeks, and if you are adopting (which we did) they are even more protective, so they can bond with the baby. Please let yourself rest and heal.

Posted by: Judi at October 22, 2007 01:18 PM (W87Xx)

12 I would say NO more visitors (except the children) for weeks and weeks. Avoid anything that normally brings stress to the home as long as possible. Do not have people in for Thanksgiving - plead illness or anything to get out of it. All of you need rest and quiet and peace!!

Posted by: kenju at October 22, 2007 01:21 PM (TiGru)

13 And P.S. You and Angus need to have a moratorium on the cooking issues. If you don't slice things finely enough for him - you are not going to do the job anymore - and there'll be no problems. Let him slice! Can you talk and agree not to argue over the cooking? If he asks you to do something - he has to accept how you do it - or he does it himself the next time.

Posted by: kenju at October 22, 2007 01:24 PM (TiGru)

14 I was wondering when this would happen. You see, there is this sort of euphoria that happens right after birth. You get up with the baby or babies in your case, you don't mind the sleep interruption because you're on a high. You think - hey this isn't so bad - I love it, what were all those other crazy mothers talking about. Then... WHAM! You get it like a ton of bricks. My husband also became un-motivated at work right after the birth of my child. I think its because they'd rather be home with the family - nesting as it were. We also started fighting about 3 weeks after I gave birth. So much so that I worried my marriage couldn't take this baby business. AND - the in-laws are notorious for messing up your baby schedule. Mine decided that they should feed the baby formula (we're trying to breastfeed) while I wasn't looking. They also insisted on holding her when she slept during the day - which means she didn't sleep so well and would expect that warm body at night - which of course she didn't get because mommy needed SOME SLEEP - cue the screaming. Hang in there - you'll figure it out. Look at me - all advicey, and I'm only 3 months into this mommy game. Heh.

Posted by: Suz at October 22, 2007 01:45 PM (GhfSh)

15 Isn't it funny what we stress and fight about on a regular basis? Ours is travel. We ALWAYS fight before a trip anywhere, even if it's just a weekend away in Austin. In fact, the first "real" fight we ever got into was the night before we took our first real trip together. Oh and we got engaged on that trip. I'll agree with the others who have said here that you are doing too much but I understand why you are. Hopefully your frenzy of guests is over for a while and you can relax.

Posted by: donna at October 22, 2007 01:53 PM (Kco5r)

16 Your writing is brilliantly honest. Thank you.

Posted by: Stella at October 22, 2007 01:57 PM (sFS+Z)

17 Chinese customs - no visitors for the first month. It is called "confinement period" - the mommy needs lots of rest in order for the body to recover. And this also ensures that the fragile newborn is not exposed to germs/viruses etc etc from visitors.

Posted by: 3e at October 22, 2007 02:06 PM (IPpKG)

18 Ditto to what most of the others are saying ... please take care of yourself and your twins and your hubby ... I too am having a hard time saying no to our family and friends... who all want to have us be the same accommodating couple that has always bent over backwards for everyone else in the family ... and I'm really struggling with saying no and not feeling like a total heel ... even though I know having a baby changes everything (and we're only having one!)... so good luck ... and warm thoughts from here ... And you're way nicer about the sick kid ... after the talk from our pediatrician about what happens to a kid under 2 months that has to go the hospital ... I may order masks for all visitors ... and set up a decontamination room in the bathroom! (only moderately kidding!)

Posted by: joy at October 22, 2007 03:03 PM (vk8K/)

19 Amy had it right. You are doing too much, sweetie. This isn't a time to be entertaining, even if everyone wants to see the babies...and the protective nature? Yeah. I can relate. Mama bear comes out big-time. (We once visited my parents and a neighbor was there and she insisted on holding one of our babies. Little did we know she'd been drinking heavily and almost dropped them! Talk about freaking us out!) Also? The stresses before company comes? That would be me. I turn into a raving lunatic when anyone comes over. Although my husband never says a negative word to me, I get all worked up and snap at him about every little thing. God help him if he moves the newspapers I just picked up! It is unreasonable and totally uncalled for, but I haven't figured out how to make myself stop it yet.

Posted by: sue at October 22, 2007 03:43 PM (WbfZD)

20 Admittedly, I haven't even read your post all the way through, yet. But I promise to neither indulge in family-bashing nor assvice. I would like to say, however, that NO new Mama should ever, ever, ever be put under that kind of pressure after just giving birth. And? Family (at this particular junction), should be there to support, help, and love you--not judge nor stress you out; otherwise, let 'em visit later--when you've had some adjustment time. Kisses to all.

Posted by: Deb Vallet at October 22, 2007 04:28 PM (GOFVL)

21 It's not a surprise to me. You're both exhausted already, you don't need any more stress. And honestly, no more family visits except from the kids unless they come over to CLEAN AND COOK FOR YOU. I mean, damn girl, you just had twins! Aren't you supposed to be taking it easy recovering from the C-Section still? Both of you really should just take it easy and just snuggle those precious babies.

Posted by: caltechgirl at October 22, 2007 05:27 PM (IfXtw)

22 I guess what I'm trying to say is please take care of yourself and don't over-do it. NO ONE'S visit is THAT important.

Posted by: caltechgirl at October 22, 2007 05:33 PM (IfXtw)

23 Gah. the blow ups. We have them before visitors too I think. Those are some good times.

Posted by: statia at October 22, 2007 05:41 PM (lHsKN)

24 Ditto Amy and Redd. I can't entertain that much in one weekend under any circumstances. Every adult arriving at your house expecting to eat should be carrying a meal. You're probably established as such fabulous hosts that they're intimidated to impose a casserole on you, but they can be trained! Also, not that I'd want a sick child holding my new baby, but infants do retain a bit of mom's immunities just after birth, so they had some protection in this instance. If you entertain at Thanksgiving, you two may cook or you may host, but you cannot do both. That's reasonable, yes? Hang in there - Get a massage, both of you! Register yourselves at a spa and put it on your wish list?

Posted by: Suze at October 22, 2007 06:00 PM (0doyF)

25 Offering to tidy up someone's house when you're there for a visit is downright rude. The elders were out of line for that comment. To call ahead and say, "Honey, I know you're stressed and busy--can I come over and do the dishes, vacuum, get the kids' rooms set for their visit next week?" would have been fine. But during a visit--no. Rude. Slow down. Take it easy. And tell Angus to slice his own fucking shit if you don't do it thin enough for his liking. Lastly--you are Mom. This means you have ultimate veto power. If everyone in the house wants to allow some germy, rash-ridden, dog-hitting brat to hold your precious babies and you're not comfortable with it, then the brat doesn't get to hold the babies PERIOD. Stop trying to make everyone happy, Helen. No one else matters.

Posted by: Ms. Pants at October 22, 2007 06:52 PM (+p4Zf)

26 I'm probably the last person to be offering advice, especially when others seemed to have jumped in with more or less what I wanted to say. But. I still look in my children every night before I go to sleep, much like Robin Williams in The World According To Garp. They, like my wife, cause my heart to beat and my lungs to breathe. Even so, having a child puts enormous strain on a couple. I can only imagine that doubling up more than doubles the strain. This time should be all about you, Angus and the Lemonheads. Yes, I know that relatives are itching to see the children. Mine were as well. However, they were all careful not to stay too long, unless we asked them to (our mothers stayed for a week after the birth of our first). The first month or two should be all about 1) Getting the babies on a schedule of feeding and sleeping. Especially the sleeping. After 4 weeks of essentially zero my wife and I became... cranky, shall we say. You don't need anyone messing with that schedule, especially since you've got two. 2) Once the babies become somewhat more manageable, concentrate on each other as a couple, not just parents. You two are together for many reasons, only one of which is to raise your children. Don't forget it. Once the Lemonheads are a little bigger and eating/sleeping right, get a family member or a friend to babysit for the evening and go have a romantic dinner. It'll be hard, but it's more important than I can say. 3) No matter how much you like/love your friends and family, don't hesitate to tell them to FO when they get on your nerves. You've got the "I just had twins excuse". Trust me: they'll forgive you any rudeness you inflict on them. And speaking of getting on nerves, I'm certain that you've probably had it up to here from people like me giving you advice, me included. Feel free to give me the finger, especially if it'll make you feel any better. I'm not at all thin-skinned and I'm all about trying to make the mom happy. Take care, Helen.

Posted by: physics geek at October 22, 2007 08:06 PM (MT22W)

27 Gah... I remember being so relieved when all the visitors left after Abby was born. When it was just Abby and me, that's when I was happiest. Just want to say that the twins are just amazing. So tiny and sweet. I miss the baby days. Someone shoot me for even entertaining the thought of another one.

Posted by: Elizabeth at October 22, 2007 08:32 PM (cjilp)

28 Holy Cow, I cannot imagine, I would not even think of having company with two brand new babies. I am sorry it was so hard My husband and I even after 23 years of marriage get snappy when company comes, he is a major perfectionist and I guess I am not anymore. Take care of your family and no more visitors!!

Posted by: Cheryl at October 22, 2007 08:37 PM (n3lCA)

29 One thing you really don't have to worry about: boring posts. Your last several posts have been anything but boring. You may not realize it, but giving us glimpses into your life really makes us think about similar things that go on in our lives, and sometimes how to deal with such things. And you have a knack for giving voice to and putting a tangible face on feelings that many of us simply just can't define for ourselves. That's what makes your blog so interesting and a joy to read, regardless of the content. OK, sorry if I brown-nosed there too much. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now (as if the twins weren't enough) and relaxation may be in order. Never be afraid to tell the world to fuck off and die if you are truly in need of a break. And sometimes my wife & I too have are worst arguments just before family gatherings. (Any comments about the cooking or slicing of veggies, though, and I'll probably end up with a frying pan stuck up my nose). Take care.

Posted by: diamond dave at October 22, 2007 08:52 PM (c46cZ)

30 Over-protective? Uh no!!! My baby isn't quite here yet, but I can't imagine I would let a 5 year old with a cold and a rash any where near him when he is here. I hope life slows down for you. Don't be afraid to tell people you just aren't ready for visitors. Although I know it is hard when it is family. Makes me glad my family is three states away.

Posted by: Kristine at October 22, 2007 09:13 PM (E145E)

31 ::: nods furiously and echoes everyone below ::: {{hugs}} and wishes for a more relaxing week ahead.

Posted by: Lisa at October 22, 2007 10:33 PM (EcHBm)

32 I cant decide if the memories your current life events are bring about are good or bad. Good in the sense that we are still together or bad in a way that we no longer have those arguments prior to guests because he learned to get the hell out of my way when I am trying to prepare for arrival, oh that and I make him pay for the housecleaner every other week.

Posted by: Steff at October 22, 2007 11:09 PM (cY0DT)

33 I would refuse to cook and get take out instead. Seriously, he ruined your whole holiday with comments on potatoes? I would say "What would you trade commenting on my cooking for?" and trade something. I traded my comments on how I hated the city we lived in for a definite leaving date. And I never complained again. So maybe he can trade comments on your cooking for take out or for something else he needs. sorry for the unsolicited advice. I think Kenju said it really well. And congrats on twins! How lovely!

Posted by: isabel at October 23, 2007 03:59 AM (0H+t6)

34 "and here's to you Mrs.Robinson -Jeezus loves you more than you will know - woah woah woah, God bless you, please Mrs. Robinson. Heaven holds a place for those who pray, Hey, hey, hey" *the above played with a heavy punk beat of Course*

Posted by: j.m at October 23, 2007 04:14 AM (CmNVr)

35 We used to snap at each other a LOT before guests came over but we've worked it out so now we just walk around tight-lipped during the "getting ready time", KNOWING that once it's all happening, we'll chill out and be a "team". And afterwards we're an even tighter team and we'll gossip about how so-and-so is "this" and you-know-who did "that". etc. And thank god we are *us*. I think most couples do that. I think many do not talk about it. I think even less might blog about it/admit to it publicly. So thank you for making me feel less alone. And I totally know why you bent over backwards to let everyone come visit for so long so early when the twins are so so little and you guys are still so frazzled with the change and newness: You want them to love the twins and accept them. And you did it. Good on you. Now. Relax. You did good.

Posted by: The other Amber at October 23, 2007 06:51 AM (zQE5D)

36 No, I don't think you were being over protective by not wanting the 5yo to hold them. I personally would never visit new babies if I, or another member of my family had a cold.

Posted by: Veronica at October 23, 2007 08:38 AM (BzF4f)

37 Kenju is right. The insertion of a new baby into a household, and in your case, two babies, throws all relationships off-kilter. Don't do visitors until a family structure is back securely in place which will take some time and patience. Here' hoping y'all find peace and balance soon... (P.S. I was so over protective I wouldn't even let my own mother hold my newborn at first

Posted by: Marie at October 23, 2007 06:54 PM (5PP6+)

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