Although I left America 8 years ago, there are some days where I get a bit warped around the edges, where I am not quite the color I should be - I fade a bit, and get a little more introspective (as if that's possible). I think about my home country a lot on some days, and on those days I get a bit opaque. My edges are faint.

Today is one of those days that I often feel just a little bit pale on.

It's not as hard on me as Thanksgiving is, that Thursday is generally very hard on me, but it's a day that I feel just a bit...off.

Today most of the people I lived amongst have the day off. It's a day where you wake up and stretch, maybe have a morning round of loving. You open the curtains to the sunshine, think about everything you need to do today, and turn the TV on. The stores are all closed. Your neighbors are all home.

Your day may be filled with the smell of coals turning red in metal-tubbed grills. Hot dogs, hamburgers, ribs...the smell of mustard and ketchup fills the air, along with barbecue sauce, corn on the cob, and pie. Watermelon is chilling in a cooler. Bottles of beer are sweating on the tabletop, their labels bubbled with moisture. Maybe a pitcher or two of some lucious drink involving blenders, ice, and sheer mess are lounging about.

Your day may have the sound of rawhide meeting a bat as a line drive causes the fans to stand up and cheer at the stadium. If you're in the neighborhood, you hear the guy next door laughing, and the sound of sprinklers - and children running through them - is the hum and throb of the daily background noise. Tonight, somewhat sticky, somewhat humid, you'll maybe sit down and watch the fireworks explode overhead. You'll "Oooh!" and "Aaaah!" as appropriate, because that's what you do when the bangs occur overhead.

And these are things that I miss.

Stupid, really.

I may not necessarily miss much, but I do miss Nabisco products. I miss TV in the evening. I miss a grocery store full of so many things I will never need or use, but at least they're there, hanging out and waiting. Cookies? Check. Double stuff cookies? Check. Double stuff cookies dipped in frosting? Check. I wouldn't touch the things, I think they sound revolting. But it comforts me to know they're there. I miss Target and Boston Market and Jason's Deli. I miss Pop Tarts not being a strange thing to eat for breakfast. I miss being able to open my mouth and not having to think about which vernacular I use.

But these things are slight things I miss. They pass. I look at what I have in my life here and it is decision I made, and don't regret.

But on the 4th of July, like Thanksgiving, I miss home.

Maybe I'm romanticising things, about how your days will be, about how it all pans out. Maybe barbecues and sprinklers and baseball games are a thing of the past, much like Trick-or-Treating and Easter bunny baskets. Maybe I've just not moved on.

My day today is heading into London for a meeting. I'll be listening to Southwest Trains announcements and my iPod. Lunch will come from a sandwich shop, although my lovely Angus has promised me a BBQ for dinner, even if the rain starts pissing down (which it will. It's neverending. We had a party planned for Saturday but we've canned it as the weather is supposed to be foul this weekend.)

Don't get me wrong, I'm very glad to be here, and am very glad to have the company of Maggie, Gorby, and my lovely boy, who has changed the desktop picture on our home PC to one of an American flag for the day. He's generally very sensitive and caring on the days I feel homesick and I am so grateful. Now if I can just get him to quit playing his new favorite radio station he's convinced that Americans listen to - it's KWBY, which he found on the web. It's a radio station for gaw cowboys. Yes, you read that right. He and Gorby like to dance to the music while I cringe and hope he'll turn the racket off.

But even though I'm very glad to be here, it doesn't mean I don't miss something that was a part of me for 25 years.

Happy 4th of July, then. Have a beer and light a sparkler for me. Have fun today.

-H.

PS-strange, I hadn't realized it-in the past few weeks I had my 1,000th blog post and my 16,000th comment. Angus pointed this out to me this morning as we're in the process of moving my blog from everydaystranger.mu.nu to a new server (so if you come in to the site via that URL be advised it'll be turned off in the next few weeks). I promise to give out the new URL once it's moved (although I'll still accessible via http://everydaystranger.net and http://everydaystranger.eu), but I'm not quitting and I'll still be Helen of Everyday Stranger (Helen of Troy was already taken).

I'll be sans KWBY, though, that's for sure.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:26 AM | Comments (22) | Add Comment
Post contains 891 words, total size 5 kb.

1 Ok, going through something similar - though I didn't even realize it was the 4th until I wrote the day on my notepad at work. I'm feeling even more homesick now... I miss the corn on the cob and watermeleon.

Posted by: Hannah at July 04, 2007 08:55 AM (5w+E2)

2 Actually I'll be at work today making double time and a half. No holiday for shelter workers.

Posted by: impossiblejane at July 04, 2007 10:27 AM (eihy3)

3 I'm not American but I sympathise on being homesick when away from the familiar on holidays. However being South African, but born in the UK and now living in Australia, well my holidays are all confused anyway! Now I just miss those things that remind me of home, like YOU magazines, biltong and the smell of coal smoke on a cold morning. I hope you get your BBQ tonight!

Posted by: Sarah at July 04, 2007 10:28 AM (/i+3p)

4 It's not stupid at all. Why wouldn't you miss the very essence of the USA? I'll pop a beer for you today, Helen, and think of you and other Americans living abroad while I slice the watermelon.

Posted by: kenju at July 04, 2007 11:35 AM (DBvE5)

5 I came to this site today expecting a post about July 4th. After all, you wouldn't be Helen if you didn't acknowledge the day. Though we're not doing anything special today (hubby is working), I'll definitely think of you when I watch the fireworks from my deck.

Posted by: minawolf at July 04, 2007 01:53 PM (Ysm6Z)

6 I know exactly what you mean. I lived in the Philippines for two years and all my American holidays were lost to me for that time.

Posted by: Ernie E (from Flickr) at July 04, 2007 02:05 PM (ZfrqE)

7 Hope you have a good day and yummy BBQ later. But I do have to say you live closer to the deep fried Mars bars than we do! 'Murricans haven't gone that far yet- except does the deep fried Twinkie count?

Posted by: kb at July 04, 2007 02:20 PM (FpAR+)

8 We're getting ready for our 4th of july bash. The wife is in the kitchen making potato salad and deviled eggs. The beer is on ice, and the chicken is marinating for the grill later to along with the hot dogs & hamburgers. I'll drink a toast to you, and anyone else who's far from home on this day. Cheers! ~Easy

Posted by: ~Easy at July 04, 2007 02:25 PM (X+de8)

9 Happy 4th Helen! I will be doing all those things, and thinking of you! I am still childlike and enjoy my holidays to the fullest! Take care

Posted by: Cheryl at July 04, 2007 02:35 PM (ofEMA)

10 Happy Fourth to you, Helen! If it's any comfort, here in Dallas, it's probably going to rain today too. We'll be in somewhat the same boat. Literally in a boat if this flingin' flangin' rain doesn't stop soon....

Posted by: donna at July 04, 2007 02:55 PM (Kco5r)

11 Today is day number 15 of rain in Austin, so it's an "off" 4th of July here too. Many of the surrounding cities have postponed or cancelled the fireworks displays tonight. And the holiday in the middle of the week makes it odd this year too. I'm dreaming off picnics and food on the grill as I sit inside and have pancakes for breakfast. So sweet of Angus to change the picture on the computer and prepare BBQ for dinner. I hope you enjoy your 4th on the other side of the pond.

Posted by: sarah at July 04, 2007 02:59 PM (tHcG/)

12 It's chilly and overcast here today in NJ. The evening showers may even cancel the fireworks! I had some watermelon for breakfast - Just for YOU! Tonight it will be steak and corn and cabbage and apple slaw. Feel free to come on over.

Posted by: Terry at July 04, 2007 04:16 PM (A5s0y)

13 Sunny and perfect here in Southern California, although the fireworks are likely to be few, due to the fire danger.... We're off to the beach for the evening.

Posted by: caltechgirl at July 04, 2007 05:17 PM (qPLLC)

14 Happy 4th! Brisket in the smoker and homemade potato salad chilling. Fireworks at dark. Although I will think of you as I prepare homemade mac and cheese for my youngest boy who might secretly be related to you due to the amount he can consume in single sitting! I thought something was going on with the site, it is now blocked from my work network and the error I get from the proxy is hideous! :-)

Posted by: steff at July 04, 2007 06:17 PM (ECxJF)

15 We don't have any big plans this 4th. It falls in the middle of the work week, and while I have the rest of this week off, the Mr. does not. No bbqs or get togethers for us tonight. But I will think of you as we watch the fireworks, even if they're on TV

Posted by: geeky at July 04, 2007 06:26 PM (RX+qr)

16 mmm, Jason's Deli.. muffaletta!

Posted by: Julie at July 04, 2007 06:28 PM (2Oqjr)

17 It's not silly to be homesick on special days, good grief, give yourself a break, girl! I still can't get into today, being from Canada, but I'll take the day off on a Wednesday just the same.

Posted by: Donna at July 04, 2007 07:07 PM (lQSbL)

18 Hardly surprising that you miss "home" on those days that have the best childhood memories. Since I live in an apartment complex, Halloween tends to affect me in a similar way— I get all of one trick-or-treater and feel let down. So here's the best fireworks show I can do for you; click and have some fun!

Posted by: B. Durbin at July 04, 2007 07:25 PM (tie24)

19 Happy 4th, babe! I'll drink a beer for you at the baseball game. Two if it's pouring rain, which is beginning to look likely. PS--I'd forgotten about Jason's Deli! A grad school hangout for me.

Posted by: BeachGirl at July 04, 2007 08:11 PM (RgeoX)

20 I'm abroad for this 'un, too--the third Fourth I've had overseas. I spent it with friends and family, eating the closest approximation we could come up with to Georgia barbecue, drinking Margaritas (frozen), and playing dominoes. I'm on month two of a summer in Albania, and I'll be back in the states before long. Not a long stretch, but not my first. It's funny, indeed, what we miss about home. Food comes up a lot, and to quote a colleague--"it's like sex: when you're not getting any, it's all you can talk about."

Posted by: Marian at July 04, 2007 09:55 PM (7ZiKm)

21 Hmmmm...i can relate the homesickness part..but the 4th of july holiday is not what she use ta be. From my perspective it is getting goddamn annoying. The noise! the never ending fucking noise! this is going to sound bad, but most everything here is getting goddamn annoying. So I will celebrate by tossing some more carne asada on the grill slap it on a tortilla, fish the godamn beans out of the bottom of the weber kettle (you cant barbeque beans) and take a deep pull of my Dos Equis... ahhhh burrrp! happy 4th.

Posted by: j.m at July 05, 2007 05:16 AM (TsXw6)

22 You miss America and America (at least this little corner of the digital part of it) misses you too. I already finished my beers for the day, but I'm dedicating one (belatedly) to you. Happy 4th, Helen.

Posted by: Mike the Marine at July 05, 2007 08:10 AM (V9bGU)

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