Work is going spectacularly badly-so badly that I can almost not face it. The other day I found out that-after I'd left the rocket riding gerbil as it has launched-my colleague and boss both got awards for their hard work for the gerbil, with a £1000 bonus.
Even though I'd launched the project.
Said boss had been on leave for months and hadn't done a fucking thing.
Said boss not only didn't mention the money to me but he wasn't even going to tell management they forgot me, it was my colleague who did.
My hatred is absolutely broiling. BROILING. Combine that with massive stress I have in other areas, and I thought my head was going to pop right off like a Fisher Price doll. Just put your thumbnails underneath the little plastic nubbin and...POP! All done. The words "I hate my job" don't come anywhere near to the level of emotion I truly feel.
I came home on Friday a seething mess of bilious rage. Fuck zen. Fuck carefree. Fuck not letting the work life affect my home life. Fuck everything.
I walked in the door in blaze of anger-I hate my new project and unlike my old project, which sucked a lot but at least I had a team that I loved a great deal, I don't even have a team I like. In fact, most of my team I don't like, a few of them I wouldn't trust further than I could throw them and I'm built like a Clydesdale, man, throwing teammates is easy for me. I slam my gear down on the kitchen table. I howl at the animals, who only want to enquire what's wrong with me. I stomp up the stairs and unleash a litany of troubles to Angus, who has been working from home.
Angus blinks.
"Well?" I nearly shout. "Say something, and make it good!"
He blinks again. "You know those sugar-free fizzy sherberts you bought me?"
I do-fizzy sherberts are a candy that really do fizz in your mouth, they're lovely things.
"Yeah, well the package warns you to not eat many of them, that sugar free things impact the stomach. Turns out they're right. I've had diarrhea all day, and you know what? When it comes out? IT FIZZES."
I stare at him.
He stares at me, nodding in rhythm with his rocking office chair.
We burst into hysterical laughter.
Perspective. I need better perspective.
-H.
1
You've got one like mine! You've got one like mine!
Not many people can deal with the full fury of my temper. No, not many at all. But that [erp] fizzy trots business is just exactly the sort of (seemingly*) non sequitur news item my boyfriend would whip on me in the middle of one of my tirades, knowing I'd take a second first to go, "Wha-at?" and then expecting my sense of humor to kick in one second after.
It deflects my anger temporarily, makes my outrage more manageable, and helps me get over myself. All good.
*Non sequitur, my foot. I say they know exactly what they're doing, and bless them for it.
Posted by: ilyka at February 06, 2007 11:02 AM (A99u8)
2
Not that Angus is a very smart man. Mr. kenju would have set about to tell me how to cure the problems at work (even though he'd have no real clue), and humor would never enter into it. Yay, Angus!! Give him a hug from me.
Posted by: kenju at February 06, 2007 01:10 PM (L8e9z)
3
That was supposed to say "NOW".
Posted by: kenju at February 06, 2007 01:11 PM (L8e9z)
4
I have a new job. It sucks like the largest vacuum vortex in the world. I cried all the way home yesterday because it seems like an eternity of h-e-double-hockeysticks just to go to the place. I do not know what to do.
i sympathize with you.
Posted by: Mitzi at February 06, 2007 01:18 PM (cB5ML)
5
Ha! It's times like those that I'm glad Mr. Geeky is around. I can always count on him to do or say something goofy to make me laugh.
I'm sorry you are hating your job so much. I think there are few things in life more frustrating and taxing than having to get up and go to a job you hate every day. I once had a job that made me repeat that one line from Office Space ("I hate this job! I hate this goddamn job and I don't need it.") over and over in my head for my entire 8 hour shift. It was in my head so much that I was afraid I would accidentally blurt it out one day. I hope things improve for you soon.
Posted by: geeky at February 06, 2007 01:38 PM (ziVl9)
6
Damn! I almost spilled coffee on my work computer. Way to Angus!
So of course, being a man, now I want to try it for myself. Can you get anything like that here in the USA?
(Yes, I'll risk the diarrhea just to watch it fizz.)
Posted by: ~Easy at February 06, 2007 01:46 PM (jm+bg)
7
The greed in the corporate world never fails to astound me. This is why I lasted only six months in real estate--the things people DO! The nastiness, the avarice, the sheer poopy-headedness.
A woman of your talents deserves a better job, where your title is Queen, and they bring you treats when you get to work, and never turn their backs to you when leaving a room. Failing that, however, thank heavens for fizzy poo.
Posted by: gennimcmahon at February 06, 2007 02:10 PM (QqF9v)
8
where your title is Queen, and they bring you treats when you get to work, and never turn their backs to you when leaving a room
Genni, EXACTLY. Do you think if I updated my CV to show these as my minimum requirements for a job that it would reflect badly?
Posted by: Helen at February 06, 2007 02:45 PM (dNKyU)
9
I had that experience with sugar free candies before, but without the fun of the fizzies.
Your Angus had a perfect answer for your day--fizzing diarrhea is a great distractor!
Hope work gets better for you.
Posted by: sophie at February 06, 2007 03:39 PM (1HOa8)
10
It's always wonderful to have someone who can make you laugh.
Posted by: sue at February 06, 2007 04:30 PM (CtQJP)
11
I'm amazed at the sheer number of people who are so unhappy in their jobs lately. I was miserable in mine, up until last week - when I was pushed over the edge by my replacement, and handed in my two week's notice. The next day, I was told to leave. As much as I miss it, I can't say that it's a bad thing.
I'm glad that you have someone like Angus at home to help you put things in perspective - while work is important to us, the things outside of work - like the men (or women) we love, well, there's no measure of how important those things can be to us.
Hang in there - those who burn others, will get burnt in the end. And in the meantime, you do have the phenomenon of fizzy doo to giggle over.
**hugs**
Posted by: Kellie at February 06, 2007 05:02 PM (pxFGN)
12
Perspective my, dear. Perspective.
See http://www.lastlemon.com/dailydose/images/2654.gif
And Angus is right.
Posted by: Foggy at February 06, 2007 06:45 PM (WlHuv)
13
OK, it's official. I envy Angus. I wish I can come up more often with the one thing that'll defuse a bad day. Like right now. Usually my smartass comments just add gasoline to already raging fires.
First the protein shakes, now the fizzy shits. I need to read here more often before dinner, it'll make me cut out the seconds (sometimes the firsts).
And sooner or later you're gonna have to say FUCK THIS JOB and walk. I'm about ready to myself, it's nowhere near as stressful as yours, but I'm bored to shit with it and I have a new side business that I'm ready to go full-time with as soon as I can guarantee the cash flow. You're not meant to put up with that kind of bullshit, it may be time to risk it all and do something different. Don't be afraid to.
Posted by: diamond dave at February 06, 2007 09:36 PM (kjVf/)
14
your boy is awesome. I'm so glad you're keeping him :-)
give him a big hug from me!
Posted by: caltechgirl at February 06, 2007 11:45 PM (r0kgl)
15
That was the best story I've read in a long time. I have a good friend who sends me hilarious blogs all the time...I'm definitely sending this one to her. After all, who can't relate to despising a job??? And (unless people are really odd) bathroom humor can always bring out a laugh. Maybe I think that way because I have 3 older brothers. Anyway, glad he got you to laugh. Good luck with work. And I'll be sure to check in again for some more smiles.
Posted by: Alison at February 08, 2007 11:42 PM (suMvR)
16
wow. that certainly brightened my crappy work week! Thanks for that!
Posted by: M at February 09, 2007 05:47 AM (Mqav8)
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