I just spent the last three days in a business conference in the southern part of England, working crazy hours-Wednesday I put in a 17 hour day, then got 5 hours of sleep, then put in a 12 hour day yesterday. This is after Tuesday, which was a 13 hour day then 5 hours of sleep as well. Hang on, I'll get the abacus to work this one out...right, so that comes to 42 hours of work in three days, when the work week in the UK is 36 hours. Plus I worked Monday (OK, I sort of worked Monday. I was low on the commitment scale, I admit). This means I am totally getting the blue ribbon for the "Trying Too Hard" award.

So today I logged in to work but I'm all about the term "half-ass" today. This after being away from home three days and spending a lot of time going toe to toe with that evil dickhead project manager I am still arguing with, the one who henceforth I will refer to as The Little Man, as seriously-he maybe comes up to the underside of my boob.

I admit I am a tall chick.

Still, boob undersideage is not a good sign.

The Little Man was one of the hosts of the conference and yesterday at the end of the conference he announced he would have the project plan to 90% completion by the end of the week which he would then start to manage. This wound me up no end, as The Little Man had just spent three days ignoring those of us who were actually working during the conference by doing his emails and acting important. What did I do at the conference? Me and my team built five business cases AND wrote a several hundred line project plan for this fucking project, and I will own that plan like Halle Berry owns the Oscar for working the cleavage.

So yeah.

I'm pretty tired.

The conference was about as much fun as having Andre the Giant administer a pap smear. In Antarctica. With a toothpick.

I'm back to really hating my job again, too, which is a bad sign.

Today will be a calm day, I hope. I have the book club tonight with the ladies and this weekend is going to be handed over to doing something about that tangled mess known as the garden. One thing has become clear in our beautiful new home-neither of us are gardeners. We are both pretty clueless. The garden-which was a selling point in the beginning-is something I can't be doing with, especially when it's cold and raining outside and I have 6 episodes of CSI on SkyPlus that I haven't seen yet.

Priorities, people. Priorities.

On the family front things are progressing. Angus gifted my dad, stepmother and Nobu with a headset, a webcam, and a Skype installation (in Japanese on Nobu's computer) and we hear from them often. Since we got home less than a week ago we've heard from them 3 times already. I love it, and my dad is wowed about being able to see us via the webcam from an ocean away. He's got Skype on his laptop now and we bought an HP Ipaq while in the States which we're planning on using when we travel, so we've installed Skype on it, too. This means we're always all able to get in touch with each other (as my dad stubbornly refuses to give up his CDMA phone for a tri-band GSM or a GSM/3G one to use when he's in Japan). We swap photos back and forth. We call often. It's like we're the Walton's, if the Walton's ate Tomkatsu and used chopsticks.

I am very happy.

On Angus' side it's been a little bit different-both of his brothers were delighted at our engagement (which made me grin as I like both of his brothers a lot). His Dad and stepmother had a weird email response-they gushed congrats but they're on holiday for a while in August, could we advise them of the date of the wedding? This put my back up a bit-it made me feel like we had to be so kind as to schedule a wedding around their holidays-but Angus spoke with them and assured me I had the wrong end of the stick. Apparently, they're just really keen to come to our wedding, so they want to make sure their diaries are cleared.

OK then.

My upped back went down again.

And then there's Angus' mum.

She and I had a contentious beginning-I was the other woman, the guilty party. She had, of course, been through that herself when her own husband left her for a younger foreign woman. That situation was slightly different-her husband fucked off and he and his new partner had very little to do with Angus and his brothers for years whereas Angus and I try to get his kids as often as we can, there will be no disappearing act here. Also different is the fact that Angus' marriage was fractured before I came along, (although I certainly didn't help matters). Time has passed though, and I think his Mum and Stepfather both like me now, even though from time to time things come out badly.

We sent her an email late Sunday thanking her for a wonderful Christmas, telling her we'd just gotten back and-guess what?-we're engaged! (Before you think this is bad etiquette, this is a normal way of relaying information in the family. They email in the evening, and then usually the family members speak early evening the next night to review.)

We got a read receipt from her the next day.

We got felicitations in the beginning of the email

Then: "So congratulations are in order."

Then a paragraph about taking some friends to the cinema and their experience.

That is all.

And I felt taken aback. It was completely sidestepped I think. I talked to Angus about it, and he agreed. In fact, we can feel her discomfort from across two counties. Angus says that she doesn't handle change well, and that this will cause her conflict in her loyalties to Angus' ex-wife. I say that this has nothing to do with his ex-wife, this is about us. His ex-wife (whom we are both currently furious with for a number of reasons) has her own life, Angus has his. We wouldn't have gotten engaged if we didn't feel it was right and if we didn't know that his kids would be glad about it. The truth is, I know that his Mum is upset-she's an incredibly loquacious person, there's no way she wouldn't bend our ears about this if she were ok about it. A one-liner shows that she's not happy. And I know change is hard for her, but I think I have proven that I have Angus' and his children's best interests firmly at heart.

I am probably reading too much in to things. Angus says we'll give her space and deal with her when she's ready. I feel deflated and am taking it personally. I try to brush it off and instead look forward to talking to my family.

-H.

PS-I am advised that this week is de-lurking week-I remember de-lurking week a year ago-so much has happened, and yet I remember the kind responses to this day. So even though a lot of you popped your head over the parapet last week for the announcement (hi!), now's the time to de-lurkify, please

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 10:11 AM | Comments (52) | Add Comment
Post contains 1281 words, total size 7 kb.

1 The first thing I do every morning? Read your blog. You are so painfully honest, so open with your joys and hurts and desires. Best of everything to you in 2007 - engagement (gorgeous ring by the way), wedding, and the all-important other thing that's going on. Now I must dive back under the lilypad to lurk...

Posted by: Karen from NC at January 12, 2007 12:07 PM (W3eMd)

2 Obviously I'm not de-lurking, but I did want to let you know not to sweat the fact that you and Angus are not gardeners. My wife and I weren't either when we bought our house. Now, well...at least we know what we SHOULD be doing. *lol* Oh, and my in-laws used to hate me. That's not too strong a word, it was what they said. However, after they met their other daughter's husband they realized how much worse their oldest daughter could have done. I was promoted to Prince Charming almost overnight.

Posted by: ~Easy at January 12, 2007 12:37 PM (FKBK3)

3 No lurker here, just someone who adores reading you, even if you do make me cry from time to time.

Posted by: Mia at January 12, 2007 12:38 PM (d9KfH)

4 I, too, got an engagement ring over the holidays.... No lurking here, just happy for you and Angus.

Posted by: Mitzi at January 12, 2007 01:34 PM (cB5ML)

5 Hi Helen, I read you everyday and love your blog. I'm fascinated by the turns your life has taken and the places you have been and are going. I also rely on your reading of business in Britain since I work with some British folks. Your cues have definitely helped me figure out some sticky situations! I'm absolutely in love with your beautiful new ring and send my best wishes for your and Angus' happiness. Oh, and your 365 on Flickr is inspiring--nice legs, woo! Bre

Posted by: Bre at January 12, 2007 01:41 PM (zzDxQ)

6 Still me, still here after all these years, hevent missed a blog yet, read ya every single day and am soo very happy for you! p.s. every time I try to submit a comment it says questionable comment regarding my email address? crazy but it is jdunkin (I have to spell this part or it wont submit,eight two three) at comcast.net LOL

Posted by: Cheryl at January 12, 2007 01:53 PM (msF2q)

7 so sorry that Angus's mom is less than thrilled for you guys. my parents were less than thrilled with my husband (then fiance) during our engagement, and it definitely made things more difficult for all involved. however, the important thing here is that you, Angus and the kids are happy. his mom can come around in her own time.

Posted by: geeky at January 12, 2007 02:09 PM (ziVl9)

8 Delurking once again to say hello. 2007 looks like it's going to beat the hell of out 2006 for you!

Posted by: Katy at January 12, 2007 02:11 PM (tRaH2)

9 Congrats on the engagement, and don't worry to much about his mum....I married a professional freak and my parents came around after several years.

Posted by: jennifer at January 12, 2007 02:25 PM (F8TUc)

10 Hi! Yes, I am a lurker. I've been reading for a while and can honestly say I look forward to reading what you have to say. I admire your honesty and your openness about your life. You may not know it, but I believe that you've probably helped a lot of people with what you've shared. As for Angus' mother, how sad for her. All I can do is state what is most likely obvious: You can't change her. All you can do is change how you let it affect you. This isn't about you as she doesn't even know you. Its just about the issues she has and her assumption that things are the same with the two of you. Its her own fault if she chooses to miss out on her son's joy. Just revel in the moment and in all of the friends and family (on both sides) that do love you and are ecstatic for you. I doubt it helps, but that's about all the "wisdom" this 28 year old has Ü

Posted by: Kelly at January 12, 2007 02:36 PM (Cid/I)

11 >>this will cause her conflict in her loyalties to Angus' ex-wife<< Her loyalties should be to her SON and whomever HE chooses to be with. PB would NOT be pleased.

Posted by: Ms. Pants at January 12, 2007 03:02 PM (GefuU)

12 He's right you know, give her some space and let her sort things out. But don't just let it go forever. Her loyalties should lie with her son and grandchildren, but it isn't always easy to shift those priorities.

Posted by: caltechgirl at January 12, 2007 03:18 PM (r0kgl)

13 congrats on the engagement. I hope you and your delightful boy have many happy years together. don't sweat the reaction from his mum. she'll come around, and the main thing is that you and Angus and his kids are a family and happy to make that already accomplished fact a legality. Myles

Posted by: Myles at January 12, 2007 03:29 PM (RoOyj)

14 I can't believe that was a year ago. That's insane. Also, it's been a year since you've been here, which makes me sad. It makes me more sad that I've been grounded until Fetus is born. And go ahead and try and charge me interest. You owe me money. And don't act like you were too drunk to remember.

Posted by: statia at January 12, 2007 03:50 PM (NsnoE)

15 Hi Helen, I must confess that I am a lurker. I've commented in the past, but not for quite a while. Congratulations on your engagement...I'm so excited for you! My heart skipped a beat when the picture of your ring came up, almost as though I really do know you. )Well, I guess I do, really.) :-)

Posted by: Kat at January 12, 2007 04:04 PM (4g1jr)

16 De-lurking as requested. Congrats on your engagement. That is a stunning ring. Thanks for being so honest and prolific. I really enjoy your writing and writing style. I would read a book if you wrote it.

Posted by: PJ at January 12, 2007 04:28 PM (fgEzO)

17 Delurking! (Sort of. I leave comments sometimes). Your blog is always a great read. I'm sorry you didn't get the response you wanted from Angus' mother, that must have been frusterating. I think anyone would be upset in your situation. Anyway, congrats on the engagement, and all the happiness in the world to you both

Posted by: Heather at January 12, 2007 04:28 PM (s0rhn)

18 I'm still here and still read your blog every morning. Just can't top what everyone says. Actually they say it for me. So much has happened. Renewed my relationship with my husband and in love with him again. Lost my job (Still looking) The only thing that hasn't changed is my A.M. ritual...reading you. Much Love....Tiffani P.S. I love love love your flicker account.

Posted by: Tiffani at January 12, 2007 04:46 PM (WjKu0)

19 I never lurk here, Helen, as you well know. If I were you, I'd adopt a wait and see attitude about the MIL, and don't read too much into it. That can't help, whatever the situation is. Hope that and work get better for you.

Posted by: kenju at January 12, 2007 04:49 PM (L8e9z)

20 De-lurking... not that I lurk, actually...

Posted by: sue at January 12, 2007 05:05 PM (WbfZD)

21 A big hearty hello to my fellow member of stalkers-r-us!

Posted by: amy t. at January 12, 2007 05:19 PM (fm3Rv)

22 Hi, yes I lurk - no time to reply and everyone has said it for me. I still read you every morning though, without fail! You are my first website I go to, other than my home page of course. Congrats on the engagement - it's about time! I'm so very happy for you - you deserve it! You also deserve all the exclamation marks I'm giving you!!!!!! hugs and kisses from Sunny San Diego, CA later gator, C

Posted by: Christina at January 12, 2007 05:38 PM (axrWz)

23 Hi, Helen. I have been a long time reader here, but it has been a very long time since I have left you a comment. First of all, CONGRATULATIONS to you and your boy! Love the ring. I am so happy for you. I have in law troubles, so I know how hard it is, especially when they can't just say what the problems is. They leave a one line comment, and your left wondering...until. Don't let this get you done, though. This is your time, enjoy it make the most of it. Also, I know that sometime in the past, before I took a hiatus from blogging, and the internet in general, you had mentioned starting a fertility blog of sorts. If there is a way, I would love to be able to join you there, if your allowing 'strangers'. I will understand, if you would rather keep it private. If so, I just want to tell you, I am sending you best wishes in EVERY way, clear from Ohio, and I hope things are going well. I am so happy for you! Jill

Posted by: Jill at January 12, 2007 06:23 PM (6LZya)

24 I'm over here in the states, Chicago to be exact. You are my lunch time entertainment. Everyday I check your site while I eat lunch. On the menu today is a chicken sandwich, pretzels, and news about your in-laws.

Posted by: Theresa at January 12, 2007 06:30 PM (x1Vbp)

25 *Takes a deep breath and emerges from the shadows* Yours is among a handful of web sites that I check every day. Like others have said, I love your honesty, your writing, your analogies. And so, I delurk to say thank you and the very, very best of wishes for you and Angus and your families in the coming year.

Posted by: Jennifer at January 12, 2007 06:48 PM (+lMSr)

26 I'm not really a lurker, but rather more of a seldom commenter. However, you know that I enjoy watching your life unfold and will continue to be here as long as you let me. Thank you for sharing, well, you with us.

Posted by: physics geek at January 12, 2007 07:09 PM (KqeHJ)

27 De-lurking as requested . Greetings and congratulations from Trinidad! I read your blog regularly but have never left a comment before...usually shy, but am going with the flow today

Posted by: D at January 12, 2007 08:12 PM (X4V+W)

28 Like above.. I'm not really a lurker so much as a seldom commenter. I check your site every day. You write beautifully, and I love how you've been confronting things head on. As I mentioned on Statia's site I've been reading yours for almost a year now. It's been amazing the things that have happened! I hope you have a great 2007.

Posted by: Jen(aside) at January 12, 2007 08:34 PM (u973k)

29 Apparently it is BELOW on your site.

Posted by: Jen(aside) at January 12, 2007 08:34 PM (u973k)

30 Not so much delurking as touching base once a year. You and your writing make me happy every day, and you have one of the kindest (and pretty, too! not forgetting the pretty!) faces I have ever seen. Am supremely thrilled for you and Angus. I got married in Aug. 06--not for the first (but definitely for the last time). It wasn't a traditional wedding (this bride wore green) and should you ever want to take a look at the pics, just send me an email. They're on flickr. Wish I knew you well enough to have caught up with you when you were here! Congrats again, sweet girl! You and Angus have already done so much of the hard work--marriage, for you, I hope, will really be just settling further into what is already so good. Cheers!

Posted by: Deb from Atlanta at January 12, 2007 09:10 PM (GOFVL)

31 Still here, still adore you. Angus is right. Giver her time-she can find no real reason not to be happy so she instead is looking for one. If she never changes, then it is her lost. I know that does not make it easier, but it has taken me years to find a certain peace within myself when it comes to my mother-in-law. The fact that you are willing to try and understand her perspective shows what a caring person you are. Hang in there.

Posted by: Teresa at January 12, 2007 10:22 PM (otsmq)

32 I'll join the other de-lurkers here. I enjoy reading your blog, nothing beats a great story in daily installments! All the best to you and Angus. Jenn, stuck somewhere in the AZ desert

Posted by: Jenn at January 12, 2007 10:25 PM (A5Ae4)

33 I admit it, I'm a lurker! I stumbled across your blog after googling for something completely different, but have been reading everyday since then! Good luck for 2007 and I hope the MIL situation resolves itself without you putting in too much time, worry and energy into it.

Posted by: Anna from Oz at January 12, 2007 10:28 PM (2YxRe)

34 Hi - another seldom commenter, hardly a lurker! I am staying with my inlaws at the moment and its hard, really hard! My biggest problem is this family don't talk, or chat, or gossip, or catch up so I seem to fill in the awkward moments of silence with insane natter which often gets me into trouble. I know its going to be hard for Angus's Mum to get to grips, but its such great news and you are going to be a wonderful step mum! It will work itself out, now is the time to be selfish and enjoy each other! Congratulations! x S PS you are turning into an incredible photographer! Is there no end to your talents?

Posted by: Sarah at January 12, 2007 11:15 PM (9wrUQ)

35 Hi, love your blog, love your dog! Congrats on the engagement!

Posted by: grace at January 13, 2007 12:20 AM (SlJYu)

36 Delurking! And have a wonderful New Year!

Posted by: Jen-Again at January 13, 2007 12:34 AM (9sYS7)

37 What's the opposite of lurking? Then add a "re-" in front of that. That's what I do. Yes, I am a re-whatever-er. Okay, bye.

Posted by: Some Girl at January 13, 2007 12:44 AM (wmHk0)

38 lurk lurk...DE-LURK!! hehee.

Posted by: j.m at January 13, 2007 03:58 AM (k3v0Q)

39 Hello, I have several thoughts: 1. I was reading all the old stuff and read all your adventures with Y and was thinking that you were now involved with Angus and was sad that you thought so much of Y. Then I got to the place where Y became Angus! It was like a wonderful ending to a movie! 2. The mother-in-law to be thing. In the book Freakamonics this relationship is discussed. Its very common but you probably already knew it. Also I listen to Dr. Laura and she is big on your "man" (I hate that term, after all he isn't like a thing) needs to defend you and promote you to his mother. 3. Finally, how do you get time enough to work, write and publish so much? I whine when I have to actually go downstairs for a diet coke. Drake

Posted by: Drake Steel at January 13, 2007 07:09 AM (5uuIt)

40 De-lurking, sorta. I guess I've commented a few times! I too read your blog daily, usually within about 10 minutes of walking through the door after work. I adore your personality and writing style, not to mention your wonderful Flickr photos! You are so talented, you put me to shame. You have such a remarkable ability to share the world through your eyes.

Posted by: ZTZCheese at January 13, 2007 07:46 AM (+3GN9)

41 delurking to say hello and congratulations on the engagement. i'm so happy for the two of you!

Posted by: copasetic fish at January 13, 2007 07:54 AM (csaL/)

42 Hello - I read you daily as well and love your writing. In fact, when you were in Atlanta (where I live) for the wedding, had I seen you I would have run up to say hello! I stay out of comment sections because mostly in the blog world, that is where the drama resides. People telling other people how to live - ugh. Congrats on the engagement, the house, the beautiful dog, etc.

Posted by: Anne at January 13, 2007 12:05 PM (dyOg3)

43 Check on you every day even when you say you won't be posting until.....I still stop by just to see. Congratulations on your engagement and just breathe in and out slowly relax and all things will be as they should....as long as when you close the door to your house the people there with you are those you love and those who love you. That's all I have to say...bye until next year. I will check in though.

Posted by: ERICA at January 13, 2007 01:50 PM (arRtA)

44 i've been lurking more than commenting lately it seems, but i'm always checkin in to see how you are. i love your writing and have such strong admiration for your strength. xoxox

Posted by: leah at January 13, 2007 03:43 PM (xJGrF)

45 Cheers, Helen! Okay, I'm officially de-lurking, as well! It's worth it to congratulate you and Angus on your engagement. I have been reading your blog daily for quite some time now, and, if anyone deserves to be happy, you do. Please don't obsess on those who can't accept your happiness - Life is too short. And look at all the people you've never even met, including moi, from Kansas City, Missouri, who are totally wishing you a great 2007! Be happy.

Posted by: Linda Lee from K.C. at January 13, 2007 05:08 PM (jzFpL)

46 Delurking to say: YOU ROCK. I look forward to your posts w/ my coffee each morning...helps ease the transition into the day. Sorry about the future MIL, and I hope it doesn't put too much of a cloud over this otherwise joyous time for you and Angus. BeachGirl p.s. Big fan of Gorby, too!

Posted by: BeachGirl at January 13, 2007 05:27 PM (2SKFM)

47 I read daily, your life is good, your writing is great! Steff in DFW

Posted by: Steff at January 13, 2007 10:16 PM (/y/rN)

48 FWIW, I hope things work out well for you. My MIL still spends more time talking to my husband's ex-wife than she ever spends with me. Drives me up a fricking wall. And MIL lives with us. Hubby says it's just so MIL can see his daughter more, and that's the only reason MIL puts up with his ex. But I'm skeptical.

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at January 14, 2007 02:52 AM (QFu/R)

49 I comment occasionally, so I guess I'm not totally a lurker. Your words always touch me. I have read your blog since long before I had my own. I am constantly impressed with your honesty and willingness to share your life with us.

Posted by: sophie at January 14, 2007 11:13 PM (1HOa8)

50 Next time he gets after you... (espically if he is the sort to crowd personal space and if not stand close enough so he has to look up at your face) say loud enough to be heard: "Sir, my face is up here." Let him develop a nice neck ache thereafter anytime he wants to harass you...

Posted by: LarryConley at January 15, 2007 04:14 PM (094Fi)

51 Hello my name is Colette and I lurk... Whew that feels better. Well now that I'm here and admiting my problem I might as well say how happy I am for you. may '07 run '06 off with brass knuckles

Posted by: Colette at January 16, 2007 09:11 AM (D4Oar)

52 Better late than never right? Okay, just caught up on your blog (I'm back to work after a 6 month maternity leave) and absolutely swamped. But I wanted to de-lurk, and let you know I think you are amazingly strong, and resilient, and you have a wonderful writing style. And congrats on the engagement!

Posted by: Aletta C at January 18, 2007 11:14 PM (63TXA)

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