Last night the boy really pulled out all the stops.

I got home and was greeted by the dog, who generally finds it's his main purpose in life to:

1) Hate the postman
2) Bark at thunder
3) Greet anyone entering the house (us, friends, burglars) with a wag of the tail before retiring back to his bed in the kitchen

I met Angus in his study and shared with him my American purchase of the day - a chocolate chip cookie from a place at Waterloo. Said place make killer cookies. They're so buttery the paper bag gets see-through with butter grease stains, but I figured the Lemonheads, they needed some exposure to empty calories American fare.

Angus, grinning, told me what was in stock for me that night.

He'd bought me soy burgers (he had real dead animal burgers in the freezer, he makes his own recipe in huge batches. He goes so far as to use chopped steak and blue cheese, none of this ground chuck business for his burgers.) He'd bought white hamburger buns, something which is generally against his principles. He serves his burgers on sliced baguettes, not on something he referrs to as "packaged sawdust". He had corn on the cob, mushrooms, and potatoes, all for the grill. He had apple pie and vanilla ice cream for dessert.

But his coup de resistance? The point where he earned more boyfriend points than it's possible to spend in a lifetime? The moment when I knew how much he loved me?

He bought me a package of processed cheese slices for my burger. Like the Kraft ones, the ones that are an unnaturally bright orange, the ones individually wrapped in plastic that's impossible to get off the corners of the cheese slices correctly. We have a fridge full of French cheeses, we have a huge lump of English cheddar...and my boy went and bought me cheese slices because he says that's how American 4th of July cheeseburgers are supposed to be.

Nothing says "I love you" like processed cheese product. Nothing.

We sat under the canopy of a tree while he barbecued our dinner. Despite the chill and the rain, he insisted we grill. "This is what you do on the 4th of July," he explained. "You grill. So we are." It was very cozy and companionshippy, and I was so grateful. We ate our mushrooms. We had our corn on the cob (I'm a weird one when it comes to corn on the cob. I love the stuff, but I won't eat it off the cob. I have to cut it off the cob. I don't like scraping my teeth against something that feels like an unsoaked sponge. I have issues, I know.) He made me my soy burger with a huge smear of bright yellow mustard. "They didn't have any French's mustard at the shop," Angus explained apologetically as he spread Coleman's on the upper bun. He put a huge dab of salsa on my burger. And I got not one but two of my fake cheese slices.

The food was excellent, including my packaged cheese product. I have 14 slices left and I'll be damned if I'm not going to eat every single one of them (look alive, Lemonheads. This is Mommy's home turf, right here.) I don't want processed cheese food every day, but dammit he bought it for me for our American 4th of July and I'm going to eat it.

That's love, people.

After dinner Angus warmed up the apple pie (which was really tarte tartin but beggars can't be choosers and it tasted great). He dolloped two enormous scoops of vanilla ice cream on top and handed me the plate with a fluorish.

"Voila!" he grinned. "Apple pie a la....a la...apple pie a la dipshit!" he cried.

"I think you mean apple pie a la mode," I fill in for him.

"That's the one, I couldn't remember the name of it."

We went to bed early tucked in a cozy embrace. I fell asleep right away - my purchase of a Widgey saving my hips and back from agony - and we slept through the night, waking only to throw Maggie out of the room when she started to be a pain (Maggie has extra privileges these days. She's not coping well.)

This morning we both woke up feeling a little...on. Slight nudgings from the other party, dragging fingers up and down soft backs, it was all happening before he had to leave for a meeting. As we really got going, Angus pulled the sheet back and there, in all its glory, was my very pregnant body. Wrapped around the Widgey. Because nothing says hot stuff like a pregnant chick spooning an enormous nursing pillow.

Angus looked at the pillow.

It's covered in blue gingham. It's not exactly a turn on. I imagine that in men's minds it's similar to trying to give Dorothy one while Auntie Em was in the other room.

"Er..." I said. I hastily shoved it off the bed.

Smiling, Angus crawled up to me. Suddenly, he looked stricken with pain. "Leg cramp," he gasped through badly clenched teeth. He shook his leg wildly up and down, trying to get the cramp out. While he did that, I had to adjust myself as the sudden loss of my Dorothy-like dildo meant my hips and my nearly 6 months pregnant stomach weren't aligned, and it was painful.

I wondered if this is how sex will be when we're in our 80's.

We got there in the end (and it was good!). The beginning drama didn't affect us and instead I think a little reality proves that if you can get through all that and still desire each other, then maybe there's a spark there that'll last you for years to come.

Besides, he bought me processed cheese slices.

In some countries that must mean we're married.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 07:59 AM | Comments (14) | Add Comment
Post contains 1021 words, total size 6 kb.

1 Angus is quite correct. Even if it rains, one must grill on the 4th of July. Can you get Campbell's Tomato Soup there? If so, there's nothing quite like grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup on a rainy day. Especially if you have the proper cheese!

Posted by: ~Easy at July 05, 2007 11:56 AM (X+de8)

2 we also grilled in the rain. And the neighbors set off an enormous amount of explosives in the rain. I was glad for the rain when I saw just how pyro-maniacal (now officially a word) they were. I'm glad you enjoyed your fourth.

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at July 05, 2007 01:00 PM (+MvHD)

3 Good story, good story.

Posted by: sara jane at July 05, 2007 01:08 PM (t5Xsa)

4 Bwahaha. Aaron and I so rarely get to have that steamy sex that you read about or watch on TV. Half the time, he's got one foot against the door, while we are trying to giggle as quietly as possible, getting it on, while my 3 year old walks up and down the stairs, "Mommy? Where'd you go, Mommy?" I swear. The kid has 1,000 toys, but he can't bear to miss me for a half an hour.

Posted by: Jen(aside) at July 05, 2007 01:36 PM (u973k)

5 There are some things that just can't be made properly without processed cheese food! That was really sweet of Angus to buy you some

Posted by: geeky at July 05, 2007 02:36 PM (RX+qr)

6 It's official: he's a keeper. =D

Posted by: Amanda at July 05, 2007 03:51 PM (ay+rD)

7 What a lovely day. Angus sure is a keeper. I will let you live vicariously through me on the Fourth. We awoke and my dear husband asked me if I wanted to start my day with a 'bang'. I rolled my eyes but it didn't stop things. We went to the annual parade, and it was a great one-starting with the usual low fly-by of an A-10. There was the roar of motorcyles kicking things off, then of course the vets. It always amazes me each year how there are fewer and fewer. In fact this year there was only two WWII vets, and about 10 Vietnam Vets, a couple Desert Storm, and a handful from the current war (some of them only on leave)-all followed by a large group of current soilders families. Very somber, but then the band comes, and the various organizations and groups, classic cars, and my personal fave, the local bagpipe group. The kids all had huge bags of candies (we are talking trick o' treat size bags!), and we worked our way through the crush of traffic over to the 'penny carnival' ( that is anything but a penny) and 3-on-3 b-ball games. The smell of all things sweet hung in the air, and we had some elephant ears, and then off to the BBQ. The kids swam in the pool, the adults joined in soon due to the heat and humidity, and then we got our eat on. Burgers (yes! with processed cheese!), brats, and hotdogs-watermelon, fresh fruit, cold salads, chips-n-dip, lemonade for the kids, beer and Mike's for the grown-ups. Follow it up with red, white and blue cupcakes, lemon squares, angel food cake, and brownies. Soon after, it is time to air-pop the popcorn, and grab the blankets and head to the end of the street for the fireworks. We sit literally right under where they fire them up, save for where the fireman have it blocked off. The neighborhood kids all do sparklers or play soccer, and adults throw horseshoes or frisbees. Then the show starts at dark. 30 minutes of kick-ass, loud explosions, followed by a gold grand finale that is unlike any that I have ever seen. It is hard to take it all in. Then back to the house to set of our own show, with our mostly (illegal!) fireworks-most of which go off as should, but a few burns in the grass, and only a couple times we had to run out of the way of a stray bottle rocket. After blowing up a few popcans, and I'm sure pissing off a good amount of the neighbors, we all head home-a little sunburn, a lot exhausted-but all very happy. I don't live a charmed life most days of the year, but the Fourth is all good. And a holiday that is my favorite-dare I say even better then Christmas!

Posted by: Teresa at July 05, 2007 04:06 PM (+FSYk)

8 Turing Steak into chopped Hamburger meat...That a crime.

Posted by: Drew at July 05, 2007 04:08 PM (DngOs)

9 YAY! There's just nothing processed American cheese for a 4th of July burger! And the margaritas were delish, too.

Posted by: caltechgirl at July 05, 2007 04:36 PM (qPLLC)

10 OK, I'm not PMSing (this week) but Angus' actions did bring some mist to my eyes. What a sweetheart he can be!

Posted by: Julie at July 05, 2007 06:58 PM (euiFL)

11 Awww.

Posted by: B. Durbin at July 05, 2007 07:21 PM (tie24)

12 I said he was a keeper a long time ago - and this confirms it!

Posted by: kenju at July 05, 2007 07:39 PM (DBvE5)

13 Oh btw! Going back to your Motherhood post on the 2nd, I don't know if you ever watched the show "Frasier", or if it airs over there on reruns or not but I just saw a repeat from 2004 that made me crack up while thinking of you two the whole time. It's titled "Match Game" and it's about Niles and a pregnant Daphne feeling all this pressure to fit in with the other couples who are from their Lamaze class. Who are, of course, doing everything "natural", including everything she eats, etc., you know...and intimidating the hell out of poor Niles and Daph who suddenly feel like they need to be just like this other couple. I laughed so hard, I about peed myself. It was SUCH a cliche and so very very funny as Niles and Daphne start to question themselves and the upcoming birth of their child because of this odious couple they end up copying for a while, lol! Anyway, I hope you can get a copy or rent it or something. Very very funny stuff and I think you guys would appreciate it.

Posted by: The other Amber at July 05, 2007 07:51 PM (zQE5D)

14 That's big man, because while I loves me some processed cheese food, I totally put snobby cheese on my burgers. And I only sometimes put them on sawdust rolls. We totally made lobsta. It was pissing outside, so there was no way we were grilling in the rain. I might melt, as I am very fragile like that.

Posted by: statia at July 06, 2007 12:54 AM (lHsKN)

Hide Comments | Add Comment