Sidestepping my real life for a minute, there's something on my mind and I'd really like to get it out, not least because I simply don't want it in there, but also because I'm a little busy dealing with a few other things and would like to reserve my resources with those issues.

Over at Ilyka's is a post which has really fucked me off, and not just because of the reponse you get if you come out against the principle of the post (this is not the same as "Ilyka has really fucked me off", so no attacking). In said post I commented, and I'm afraid I did come out in the beginning with guns already blazing when I should have taken a deep breath and addressed it calmly (this is why I don't comment on most sites). Regardless I still stand by what I said, even if my delivery was off.

The truth is, I don't mind the word "cunt".

I know a lot of people consider it offensive, not least women. It's a base word, an edgy term. It's a slang term for female anatomy, but then many terms are. Some feminists, in particular, consider it an ad hominem attack. Attack a woman by her anatomy is, I believe, a double slander-you're attacking the gender twice, and using a vagina as an offensive term.

I get that some people are offended, I really do. I'm just not. I don't care if people use the term. The truth is, I honestly hear it a lot more living in the UK than I ever did in the States. This is the case for several terms-when Angus used the word "Jap" a long time ago I came unglued. The term is incredibly offensive to me, while the word "Jap" is used here and isn't really considered an insult. But as I was so angry about it that it has been removed from Angus' vernacular. There is a learning curve here, and it's not always easy.

But with the exception of Angus' parents (who still use the term "fiddlesticks"), everyone I have regular contact with uses that shocking "c-word". It's not like it's used in every other sentence, some people I work with use it once in a blue moon while one guy I know uses it a lot. But in my experience it is used more, and it's far less shocking here, than back in the U.S.

I even use it myself, and with one exception (the Swunt), when I use it I don't mean it in anger or in a derogatory way. I don't use any vulgar names in anger, actually, and neither does Angus. But I don't just randomly walk around using the word, and in general I do a "swear check" with people I meet-I won't curse until I hear them do so. If they swear I'll match it. If they don't I will refrain, just in case I offend. If they tell me a term is offensive, I make it a point to never use it. Amongst my friends and work mates though, we will swear. And of the entire range of swear words, we use them all.

I do consider myself a feminist. I used to be a very militant one, to the point where I did think the spelling of the word "women" needed to be changed to "womyn". I used to be very aggressive about my feminist belief structure, and violating that was not only a personal attack on me but I viewed it as an invalidation of women as a whole.

I've mellowed though. A lot. Now I just think names are exactly that-they're just nouns. They don't define me. As a result, I don't get remotely offended if someone is angry with me and calls me a bitch, a cunt, or a whore. Words like that said in anger simply go in one ear and out the other, I figure the person has brought it down to the level of a bar fight and this is the best they've got. None of those words used at me in anger phase me in the slightest. You want to call me a cunt? Whatever. Maybe I am.

I myself say the word. I also call other women bitches, particularly if I think they're being one (but I don't think I've ever called another woman a bitch to her face in my life, it's just something I think.) "Whore" is a word I use on a daily basis, but also never in anger. Anything can be labelled a whore, and the following list (which is not inclusive) are some of the things which have been called "whore" around me:

- the computer
- my London commute
- the cats
- the dog
- parking meters
- myself
- Angus
- my period
- the weather

and so on. It's not a personal attack on women to me. To me, it's just a word.

I'm pretty free with the use of the word "dick", "dickhead", and "dickass" as well. I'm liberal with my vulgar slang, generally because I like to swear (and if this is where you step in to tell me it's not eloquent to curse well, then, fuck off.) While I don't use the word "pussy", it's not because I get offended by it, I just think it's weird calling things by an improper word for "cat". I don't think of pussy as a synonym for women's genitalia, as to me that word could only be uttered by 50 year-old pervs with ridiculous mustaches who have been out of touch with the new slang. It's not offensive so much as it's pathetic (the same applies to the word "cock" to me. It feels like shiny exposed chest hair covered in gold chains rather than a demeaning term).

I don't think these terms demean women so much as they're simply demeaning, and demeaning to both sexes equally. All of these terms play the same game of riding the gender line. "Cunt" is perhaps as bad as "prick" which is perhaps as bad as "bitch" which is perhpas as bad as "dick". It's true a lot more negative terms come from female-associated nouns than male ones, and most of the male terms which were insulting have, over time, perhaps become less invective simply because fashion changed-men went around insulting other men by calling them "curs" in the Victorian times, but you don't see people throwing down over being called the equivalent of a hunting dog these days. Perhaps as the rise of the female role occurred, so did the insolence about female terms.

Angus and I are similarly aligned-he could care less if someone starts an attack on him and calls him a poof (English slang for gay), a cunt, a pussy, a bitch, or a dick. He figures they have nothing better to do with their time if they resort to bar slang. I understand many men find it highly offensive to be called a bitch or - perhaps worse - to be called a gay term. But to both of us they're just insults, and ones which can be attained once you hit the 10 year-old level or watch TV after 9 pm, either way. If I get called those terms I simply think someone isn't very creative at all, if this is all they can pull out of their ass.

To me an insult is more personal and more intuitive. A real insult to me is a clever one, one which hits home as a person, instead of as a gender. If you're going to use terms I can find written on the inside of any truckstop bathroom door, then I'm just going to tune you out. Call me crazy to my face, for example, and I will throw down. Tell me I'm selfish and chances are good that an epic battle is about to occur. Things that are incredibly mild said in anger can also really get to me-Saturday Angus was angry with me and called me an idiot, something which is a generally innocuous word. Said in anger though, it became hurtful, and he did apologize. Ironically, one of the most hurtful words I've had thrown at me is "American"-not because I'm embarassed about being an American or it's a derogatory thing to be so, but the context of the way it was sent my way assured me that the person did not mean it positively, and I took real offense to that.

Maybe I should be angry about using female anatomy as an insult. Maybe as a woman I should consider it an egregious affront. But the truth is, I simply find there are more important fights to battle against the establishment. Getting "cunt" removed from the popular battle lingo is your battle? OK then, and good luck. It just doesn't anger me. I'm more angry over the pay scale being unfair between men and women. I'm angry that the industry I'm in is far more likely to promote a man over a woman, even when the skill sets are the same. THOSE are my battles.

Now if you'll excuse me, work is being a whore, and I have to deal with it.

-H.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 09:22 AM | Comments (19) | Add Comment
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