Dog? Check.

House? Check.

Two Cars? Check.

2.5 Kids? Overshot that one, but Check.

Now what's missing...hm....what could it be...

If you said "Husband", well, ok maybe you have a point there.

If you said "white picket fence" though, you've caught what I was throwing at you.

(I know you might have come here for something angsty or something about the Lemonheads. Trust me, I have both. You might be angst or Lemonheaded out though, so I got your back on that one.)

Our house has been firmly enclosed by a massive hedge all the way around it, front and back. This has taken years of careful pruning and loving, loads of professional gardening assistance, and dedication to its survivial by the previous owners.

It only took Angus and I one year to kill off part of it.

We like to think of ourselves as not so much horticulturally incompetent, more like licensed to take our green thumbs and shove them up our asses.

The hedge in front of the house rotted and died. The massive drought last year didn't help. It caught some weird bush disease (and it's just not going to get old, that line. "Bush disease". Heh.) and then withered and died. We thought we killed if off but the neighbors tell us the previous owners accidentally set fire to it before they left, so the blame's not all ours.

Like any project we do, it takes a while to get around to it. Once we do get around to it, it is done to Angus specifications, which usually means it's done right, if not quite at Helen Speed. To be fair, Angus has been severely restricted by the hideous rain we're constantly having, so the slow progress is more down to the rain than any deliberation on our parts.

But one day, Angus decided he and Jeff were going to rid the world of the diseased hedges all along the front boundary of our property.

So they dug them up.

All of them. Stumps and all. And I wood-chipped them all and pretended I was in Fargo.

This of course slightly unnerved our neighbors, who wondered what the maniacs were doing digging up hedges that had been there for donkey's years and then feeding them to a wood chipper. In the rain. With an open view of all the neighbors. We assured them that in time-honored American tradition we were putting up a giant fuck-off metal gate, complete with CCTV cameras, intercoms, and wild dogs aimed at ushering intruders away (we're still working on that one with Gorby. Any day now he'll be a wild dog. Annnnnny day now.)

They realized we were messing with them, but they were glad to see the unhealthy hedges gone.

You awake still?

Angus started making a fence. From scratch. One that didn't use any screws, in fact, but is held together by old-fashioned mortice and tenon joints that are so strong you could have an entire rugby team swinging on them and they wouldn't break off. Seriously.

He did each section by hand.

And it kept going.

In the meantime, I seriously took down the pond foliage, reducing it to a massive pile of woodchips, which I used to fill the empty pond with. But I didn't just attack the pond. I removed the hedges from the entire front of the house so that more light comes in to the study now, we're not so boxed in.

Never let it be said that a woman packing twins can't dig up some hedges.

Nearly done here with the Great Fence Experiment of 2007.

But the fence kept growing and growing, as Angus then made pickets for it (which he used brads to hold them into place with. No old-fashioned joints there, but he did get the big compressor out, so that day everyone had an orgasm.)

And then in a bold move, once the fence was painted cream (and the tops of them routed off in a neat pattern, which he's reinforced with a dark green color), he decided the trees by the side of the house were offending him terribly. So on Saturday he chopped them down (despite my protestations to just "take a bit off the top") and I dutifully woodchipped them all. The woodchipper and I are great mates now. We speak the same lingo.

And now we have a front garden we love.

And there's the wild dog in the picture there, chasing his tennis ball. You know. As wild dogs do.

It's nearly done-we have to take some hedges that were too big to chip to the tip and we are planting red climber roses along the wooden fence (so that attractive soil-looking front view will disappear). But we love it, and most of all we love how you can see every corner of the house.

We are so cheesy it hurts.

-H.

PS-Angus just came by and said "Oh God. A blog post about the fence. People must be so bored." If so, I apologize. But seriously - that fence? It's hot.

Posted by: Everydaystranger at 06:45 AM | Comments (22) | Add Comment
Post contains 854 words, total size 6 kb.

1 What's his hourly rate? I could totally use a fence like that up here in Leamington. You guys may be cheesy, but it's lovely.

Posted by: tanis at July 18, 2007 06:49 AM (6cH2N)

2 The fence looks amazing. I always thought about the bad vibes I get these days about the 2.5 kids and the white picket fence... but seeing this... wow, maybe not so bad after all. And Angus is amazing. Is there anything he can't do?

Posted by: Hannah at July 18, 2007 08:25 AM (5w+E2)

3 Married to a home improvement Natzi as I am, I know just how long and what detailed work was used for that fence, WOW is alz I can say. And you, shouldnt you be lying somewhere with your feet up?

Posted by: Cheryl at July 18, 2007 08:30 AM (ofEMA)

4 I love it! You two do good work. "Is that your friend, there, in the wood chippah?" (From Fargo, LOL)

Posted by: Julie at July 18, 2007 08:42 AM (Fz8EZ)

5 Damn! Angus does good work. Having recently replaced my fences I know what a chore that is.

Posted by: ~Easy at July 18, 2007 12:22 PM (X+de8)

6 That's a good lookin' fence! Anyone who does home improvements would NOT be bored with that fence. On a different note, my daughter and I are planning to go to Scotland next Summer for her 13th birthday (kind of a "You're entering womanhood" kind of thing). Does anyone have any ideas about places to go, places to avoid, best time to go/avoid, getting passports, plane tickets, and reservations? I hope you don't mind me asking this here Helen. If you'd rather, they can e-mail me. I look forward to any advice y'all are willing to give. Thanks.

Posted by: Solomon at July 18, 2007 12:34 PM (x+GoF)

7 I blog about my yard work regularly. Good job! It looks great! Angus, you can come build a fence for me anytime you're in Orlando (like when the Wizarding World of Harry Potter opens in 2009).

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at July 18, 2007 12:34 PM (+MvHD)

8 Not boring at all. Love the fence!

Posted by: Jen(aside) at July 18, 2007 12:38 PM (u973k)

9 ohmygod the fence! love it! we spent last weekend propping up our new (old) fence with stakes. Its a beautiful old paling fence and the alternative is that crappy plastic stuff designed to look like wood. so the man got the mallet out and staked it upright. go the men and the fences!

Posted by: Sarah at July 18, 2007 12:44 PM (/i+3p)

10 That fence is to-die-for. Seriously. Who wouldn't want a masterpiece like that surrounding their home?

Posted by: gatorgirl at July 18, 2007 01:14 PM (T+cX8)

11 nothing cheesy about that fence! the garden looks great. Isn't house pride a wonderful thing?

Posted by: lambchop at July 18, 2007 01:15 PM (X/837)

12 I love that fence! Bravo to you and Angus.

Posted by: donna at July 18, 2007 02:02 PM (Kco5r)

13 That is a damn fine fence.

Posted by: Teresa at July 18, 2007 02:08 PM (7enW3)

14 I love your fence

Posted by: geeky at July 18, 2007 02:25 PM (ziVl9)

15 I am now ashamed for all the complaining I've done about what is apparently a pitiful amount of landscaping work. I wasn't even packing twins..... You two are masters!

Posted by: cursingmama at July 18, 2007 02:26 PM (PoQfr)

16 Angus is a man after my own heart. Mr. kenju couldn't even run a compressor, let alone build a fence or dig up shrubs! A chipper would be hella in my hands. I'd chip everything in sight!

Posted by: kenju at July 18, 2007 02:47 PM (DBvE5)

17 You have the perfect spot to hang a giant Christmas wreath over your front door. Looks great, although I liked the hedge by the front window. I can see your point though. Will you plant something shorter there?

Posted by: paula at July 18, 2007 02:57 PM (FlZPw)

18 I love it! And the yard is very very nice now! Which reminds me that I should post about our own house adventures this afternoon...

Posted by: caltechgirl at July 18, 2007 04:09 PM (/vgMZ)

19 Hey you, that's a mighty fine fence you got there! Have been trying to email you (from other account) but your ISP keeps bouncing it back to me. HALP!

Posted by: ilyka at July 18, 2007 08:14 PM (zPRu7)

20 Awesome fence. And heck, I have such a love for HGTV that fence-building is an interesting blog post! Now all you have to do is get some climbing roses...

Posted by: B. Durbin at July 19, 2007 01:26 AM (tie24)

21 The fence is absolutely awesome. And in case nobody has said it, Pickett Fences == Tom Skerritt and Fyvush Finkel. And really, what more do you need. :-D

Posted by: tommy at July 19, 2007 05:31 AM (6CCYI)

22 VERY nice!

Posted by: sue at July 23, 2007 01:55 PM (WbfZD)

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